Shit Week, Big Day

I had two closings slated for this week. Both deals were moving along swimmingly… the first one closed Tuesday, after the Memorial Day holiday. All done, everything smooth, all parties THRILLED. And then the seller didn’t get her wire proceeds. On Wednesday, the first wire was sent back to escrow… some issue with the For Credit To. The second one went out, and Thursday morning that bounced back again. My seller was freaking out: she was on the phone with her brokerage, the escrow company… Never happened to me before. The brokerage rep said all the instructions on the second wire looked perfect, and she was perplexed that the Federal Reserve sent it back. The escrow company then escalated to their accounting department. A third iteration was made. Meanwhile, I was feeling so frustrated. People have no idea the amount of work that happens behind the scenes shepherding all the details along. You get to the end, and all is beautiful and then this kind of shit crops up literally ruining the entire deal in one late fumble. All the client will remember now are the two days of stress when she didn’t get her money. All week I’ve been sleepless, frustrated by the pieces where I have no control. I started inquiring all the details for Plan B in case that third wire bounced back again. Could it be a glitch with the Federal Reserve (happened many months ago)? Should we try a different account to deposit the funds? If we went the route of a check, could a courier deliver to any branch and staff there make the deposit? How soon would the funds be available? All Wednesday afternoon and night, I’m making calls and mulling over the details. THANKFULLY, Thursday morning the funds finally arrived. First fire extinguished.

The second deal was supposed to close on Wednesday. Due to two of the three buyers being out of state AND the lender requiring all three to sign on the same document (no counterpart signing allowed), we had a notary sent out last Friday. After the signing, she was supposed to drop off the package to FedEx on Saturday, so it would be back in San Jose first thing on Tuesday morning after the holiday weekend. First, she dropped it off on Tuesday, so we didn’t get it until Wednesday. Second, she did a shit job stamping her notary acknowledgement page, meaning the rubber stamp was half-ass and completely illegible. When the escrow officer realized the stamp was not valid, she reached out to the notary to re-stamp and FedEx another page back (another day lost). The notary didn’t get back to her until the afternoon, and on top of that, the notary was on vacation out of town. Yup, FML. So that meant, all three buyers needed to re-sign with a different notary. Long story short, bc of this half-ass bullshit first notary (I mean, you have TWO jobs: stamp the files and drop off at FedEx), we were looking at a one week delay in closing, with financial consequences. I was so pissed; my buyers were so stressed and upset… again, we got to ONE DAY before closing with a very smooth deal and then shit hit the fan.

For the second deal, we had the buyers and a new notary hustle to re-sign. The second notary shared a scan of the signed file showing the clear stamped acknowledgement. The FedEx arrived this morning, and the lender is slated to fund shortly. Fingers crossed, this will get through the finish line later today. I can’t help but be a bit gun shy due to the random hiccups from this week, but it’s now as far along as we can take it.

In other news, after this very stressful week, I’m very happy about the unanimous Trump verdict. Wow, finally, there is no confusion or disagreement about his role in all this chaos. I’m disappointed that he can still run and he can still serve, but for now, what a day to feel some relief and redemption and faith that NOT all is lost.

Making Sense of it All

I stumbled across this article today, and it’s a reminder of how little any of us really understand about depression and mental illness. The way this guy speaks of his wife who committed suicide 8 months ago… even in a relationship as old as theirs where there are also kids involved, the confusion and grief and surprise is heartbreaking.

Stan Van Gundy reveals wife died by suicide in August: ‘I just don’t think I’ll ever get over it’ (msn.com)

As Van Gundy explained it:

“She took her own life, Dan. I’ll never — I don’t care how long it goes, I can’t imagine that I’ll ever get over that… It was devastating. We’d been married for 35 years and had been together for close to 40 years, since I was 24 years old … my entire adult life, I trace everything, job changes, kids, everything, I was with her and she was by my side.

“I never, ever, envisioned that I was gonna live another day in my life without Kim. Never envisioned that. I knew she was going through a tough time, but I still never envisioned that happening. Even now, it’s been eight months and I struggle to come to grips with the fact that I’m never gonna see her again and I’m trying hard, you can relate to this I’m sure, to stay connected. I don’t want to — my house is full of pictures of Kim. There’s a montage of pictures above my bed that my kids did for me of Kim. I’m trying hard to remember her voice, to remember her smile, all of those things, but more than anything, to live her values, because her values were better than mine. 

“She taught me a lot and I want to live her values and a life that she would be proud of. And my kids at times over the last eight months, at times, not often, but I think genuinely from their point I’ll do something and they’ll say, ‘Mom would have really been proud of you for that one.’ That above anything else really makes me feel good, because my wife was an incredible person and the loss is huge.”

Van Gundy said he has been “doing as much therapy as I possibly can” and that he knows he will get better, but when it came to regret, he said “I just don’t think I’ll ever get over it.”

A larger topic was how death has become an unavoidable part of Van Gundy’s life, revealing that his brother Jeff’s best friend had died a week ago due to cancer. He said one thing he’s working on in therapy is how to process what clearly comes across as depression:

“I’ve had very little tragedy in my life until my wife died. Very little, I’ve just been blessed. But as you get older, man, it’s just all around you and it becomes part of you life. It’s one of the things I’m trying to deal with in therapy, besides the loss of my wife, how do I deal with this? Where’s the joy in life? How do you go on day to day? How do you find stuff to do. I can function. I don’t know about you but I can get up and function every day. I do what needs to be done. But I don’t have much that I want to do right now and how do you have that when you’re just seeing tragedy and death and sickness all around you? I know that’s going to be a huge part of my life now.”

Tax Tedium Times Two

Every year around tax time, dad gets all stressed out about “all the things” he has to do. Um, I’m the one collecting and collating all your damn papers for the accountant. I’m the contact person for your estate attorney, accountant, banks, and financial advisor. Sure, I just grab the paperwork, he does still sit down and fill out forms from the CPA… Nonetheless, it’s a bitch and a half. And mind you, I don’t even do my own taxes!!

Needless to say, we hit May and I was feeling home free knowing his tax stuff was done for the season. Nope, not so fast. Apparently, dad recently got wind of some new tax deductions that he can claim on his Taiwan taxes. Yippee! So I got another couple of calls the other day. First, he was insistent that he needed files from the IRS. I’m like, you have all the e-files from the CPA. Just use those. Your 1040s are in there. No, it can’t be something I submit, it has to be official from the IRS. Huh? Who is telling you this? He can’t explain, but just do what he says. Meanwhile, I’m thinking what the fuck is more official than your 1040 with CPA signature– the same doc that lenders use for loans??? He was insistent, so there I go again being sent on another fucking wild goose chase. Normally, whatever, create an IRS account for him and drill down the menus looking for these records that he needs. Well, the IRS recently cracked down on security, so the old account I created for him years ago is no longer valid. Now they require live camera/video verification of identity where you have to take screen shots of your ID, upload, and then verify with a LIVE PERSON. Sounds like a reasonable enough protocol except that my dad doesn’t know how to use the fucking camera on his phone (I still get Facetime videos of his inner ear canal) much less his computer camera. Like he keeps telling me his computer doesn’t have a camera. Dad, I bought you that computer two years ago… it has a goddamn camera!

Anyway, through a miracle of God and a combination of being on his landline, remote tunneling into his computer, and using his iPhone, we were able to jump through all the hoops and get the account created. Then, I find the forms he needs. Grab everything, move it to his computer, print it out for him from my computer tunneling into his computer. You have no idea how tedious these tasks are. Finally, it’s done. And I’m thinking, ok it’s good we have an updated IRS account for him, and now I can pay his taxes for him through that portal.

Two weeks later, another call. I need your help and it’s very important. Of course, all your shit is “very important.” Now instead of the documents back to 2021, he needs all the way back to 2017 AND he needs for Maryland and Federal. What. the. fuck. How much are you saving with this bullshit? Another $5? No, no, it’s more than $5. Yeah, let’s save more money that you’ll never use. I’m like, just contact the CPA and request the files. No, it’s in the two suitcases of tax papers that I stored at your house when I moved back to Taiwan. Oh, the suitcase that you originally wanted me to FLY to Maryland to retrieve from your friend’s basement? I mean, surely the CPA has electronic copies. No, no, you just have to go through the two suitcases and find the 1040 and the Maryland tax return and send them to me. Oh, that’s all???? And hmm, how come last time you told me the 1040 tax returns weren’t what was needed and now all of the sudden, the 1040s suffice? WTF, I’m not a damn idiot just executing on your busy work.

Two plus hours later, I’ve pulled out all the paperwork, disassembled the tax binders that are held together with insanely strong staples which require John and heavy-duty pliers to remove, scanned, and sent the files over. Oh now in addition to the Maryland tax returns, I need proof of all payments made to the Maryland Comptroller. Back to 2017. Yeah, fuck my life!

And btw, the Maryland website is some Frontpage bullshit. The farthest online records go back is 2021. Oh, well can you call and ask about the earlier ones? No. I can’t. Requests for anything beyond requires a special form and NOTARY signature. Thank fucking god, For once, this notary requirement saved my ass. I can do no more on this task. The rabbit hole stops here.

Tane Rage

At the end of last year, my cystic acne– for which I have dealt since my late teens– was resurging. It was no where near the severity of my younger years (full face of hard boils and nodes) but in many ways, it had the same damn resistance. I was back to getting facials and taking strong antibiotics on top of already being on BCP and spironolactone… In mid-December, my primary care physician (whom I love) was out of ideas, so she suggested we connect with a dermatologist. After I rattled off my list of past treatments, the derm immediately said that I was a case for Accutane. There is nothing else for this degree of stubborn-ass cystic, hormonal acne.

First question: why are my hormones so fucked up? I mean, does this explain my overall unruliness and “aggressive” attitude/behavior? My mother always claimed that I wasn’t a “natural” woman… maybe we can blame my issues on my hormones? Hmm, why haven’t I been measuring my hormone levels my whole life?

Just some wandering thoughts. Regardless, I’ve been on BCPs my whole life, so shouldn’t my hormones actually be controlled and stable? I dunno. If you’re curious, here’s my list of my past meds and treatments: clindamycin, minocin, tetracycline, erythromycin, augmentin, doxycyline, Retin-A, sprionolactone, benzoyl peroxide, IPL, dermarolling, light masks, chemical peels…

So I jumped through a gabillion hoops to join the mandatory Accutane iPledge program and get on the damn med. After my initial discussion in December, I finally started my course in February. Now, two months later, I’m having a helluva time with symptoms. Granted, I had taken the Tane in my 20s while we were overseas in China. There, this shit is OTC. I don’t recall any side effects other than dry skin and chapped lips. Then again, I could not contain my absolute elation about having clear skin.

This time though, I’m experiencing all kinds of issues: dry skin, cracked lips, skin rashes/hives, dry eyes, twitching eye, undereye circles, headaches, joint pain, jaw pain, muscle aches, and now with my bloodwork, I apparently have increased triglycerides, cholesterol, and A1C. Plus John insists that I have “Tane rage.” So yeah. Meanwhile, I had already cut down on carbs/rice/breads (lost 6 lbs) for my pre-diabetes and eliminated alcohol completely. And I just am not feeling comfortable in my body.

I explained this to the dermatology nurse who sent the message up the chain. Basically, the response was: if I am still functioning for work, NBD. Continue on the path. Not even a discussion on whether we can decrease the dose or shorten the treatment course. I am def vain enough to admit: I will endure pain for clear skin. Dry skin, crapped lips, even some occasional joint/muscle pain. But add now daily headaches, daily joint/muscle pain, fucking undereye bags??? Now I’m re-evaluating. Especially bc it was just the cystic acne on my chin. I can’t help but think about all the famous people (e.g. Kanye West’s mom, Linda Evangelista) who underwent some seemingly simple procedure for a “glow up,” and all of the sudden, they’re dead or something goes irreversibly wrong. Will I be one of those people? Did I conduct enough due diligence to understand the risks?

My childhood friend Nathalie died earlier this month– on the day of the eclipse, actually. She died from uterine cancer. Before the cancer, she struggled her entire damn life fighting obesity and mental health challenges. It was decades of a roller-coaster ride. She tried to lose weight all this time, and now she’s dead. Just as Ozempic has gone mainstream. It really could have changed her life. Who knows, maybe like Accutane there are a shit ton of side effects. I dunno, maybe that’s just me viewing everything through a black and white lens.

Tunnel Vision

I haven’t called my parents in about two months. The last time we spoke, dad needed me to handle tax items for him (every year). In the process, I got a weird suspicion that he is a victim of elder fraud. Meanwhile, as I was on the phone discovering this, my mother was in the background causing a goddamn fuss. Her condition has continued to deteriorate and honestly, she’s burning out every damn person around her. I know she can’t control her condition, but Jesus Christ, she gets nasty. I was there in November and five days after my COVID quarantine was already too much between the constant outbursts, the nonsensical ramblings, the neuroses, the anger, the biting, the pinching… many people have advised that my father put mom in a memory care home. Through the years, she came close at least twice to getting moved, but she/dad changed their minds last minute.

Anyway, I was trying to access emails/files supposedly sent by his broker in Taiwan. One minute the email was there, the next minute it was gone from the inbox and very quickly, I started to see that it was super sketch. First off, the email came from some random gmail address… something blatantly egregious like partyhome254 or some shit. No scottrade.com or ameritrade.com domain. Then, dad’s yahoo kept flagging it as weird too, hence it was automatically getting moved into the spam folder. Third, the “statement” dad needed for his taxes was just a series of screenshots of graphs. WTF. I told him this was very odd, and that legitimate professionals do not work like this. Instead of him agreeing with me, dad just dug in his heels insisting that he’d known the guy for years, he just talked to him on the phone, and just do it.

When I escalated to express the urgency of this, he basically told me, “Just do what I say, bc I need to finish my taxes.” Meanwhile, remember the multiple times when dad stressed to me how important all his affairs are, and he even suggested once or twice that *I* somehow infected his computer with a virus?!?! I mean, who do you trust? Your daughter who works as a fiduciary in an industry involving multi-million-dollar transactions and who has also managed your complicated financial and legal shit for years, or some rando who can’t even provide a legitimate monthly statement? Holy fucking god.

I was so pissed, and then he just burst into tears talking about how stressed out he is and how miserable his life is. This is where I really see my own personal limitation. If you are miserable and you aren’t doing ANYTHING to improve your situation, do NOT come to me with your sob story, bc I will not empathize.

I get it, for “normal” people, their sobbing father would cause them to back down immediately, apologize, and de-escalate. But for me, I function in the opposite manner. Why? Bc you know what you’re supposed to fucking do! You are in this predicament, bc you are failing to make the necessary changes.

The only thing that was within my capacity was this: I shut up about the scammer, sent dad his goddamn files, and then John submitted his FBAR taxes or whatever the thing is. I then called my aunt and unloaded about how frustrating my family is, and about how terrible their decisions are. All this trouble moving across to the other side of the word so you can save more money that you will never spend anyway. Yes, I get that Taiwan is your “home.” Except that you never leave the goddamn house, so what’s the freaking point, really? And that was the last I talked to him.

No, actually, I did speak with him once after that. A week later, dad called again finalizing his tax stuff and then he did what he always does: “Is there anything else you want to say to me?”

I don’t know why he does that. No. I mean, what more is there to say? You’re miserable and you do nothing, so just continue being miserable. He asks me what he should do. Ugh, for starters, LIKE I SAID, 1) therapy, 2) reach out to the senior center, 3) move mom to a facility, 4) get out of the damn house…

Here’s the thing. I can’t be everything to everybody. As much as I sometimes aspire to be well-rounded with high EQ yadda, yadda, this is just too damn much. If you need someone to just listen and say empty responses like, “That sucks, I’m sorry”, I am NOT that person, and you have to find that service in someone else. I will do so many other things for you, but that’s not one of them.

Year of the Double Dragon

John and I hosted our CNY party at the start of February. In the past, we had an annual tradition of hosting a lunar new year celebration, but over the years, it fell by the wayside. Thankfully, this year we had the wherewithal to bring it back. We invited a small but compatible mix of old friends, and with the help of several extra dexterous hands, we managed to crank out hundreds of dumplings.

J typically uses a pork/napa recipe, but you know how he is: He likes to experiment and try new things, so this year, he tested a recipe with mushrooms. Eh, the shrooms ended up monopolizing all the flavor of the meat filling… Nonetheless, that didn’t stop us from stuffing a ton of dumplings into our pie holes. Next time though, we may switch it up again, and try a jiu cai Chinese chives recipe.

In addition to the feature dish, we had a dragon-themed fruit platter (inspired by Pinterest and tremendously improved by my buddy T), a bunch of dipping sauces (including a very popular chili oil and chili crisp combo), nian gao (rice cakes), and brownies for dessert. So a bit of hodge podge, but we couldn’t have asked for a better day. After a rather rainy winter, we had a beautiful sunny day. Thankfully, one of our guests captured some video.

And of course, J and I had loads of fun decorating the house with “evergreen” lunar new year items. Lots of snack/cookie tins with dragons, gold/red signs, a hanging felt dragon, felt majhong tiles, plus my blinged out Fossil dragon watch. Two weeks later, all the stuff is still out. Evergreen bling central, baby!

I know we have a tiny house, but I sure do like hosting gatherings here. It’s not Airbnb ready or anything like a staged home, but I feel like it reflects our low-key sensibility, and the space is cozy yet comfortable for small groups. Sometimes it’s challenging to be in the business I’m in, plus be in Silicon Valley where people are so accomplished and always one-upping one another… but I try to remind myself: J and I never want to let the size or condition our home prevent us from doing things we enjoy and spending time with our friends.

Hunger Games

A few months ago, J and I got into a popcorn habit. It became this sort of evening snack ritual that we would share while watching something on tv. Most of you know I don’t watch a lot of tv— I’m very picky about committing to content: it can’t be too violent, it can’t be a series (too much emotional investment), and it can’t be slapstick. I told you already, I’m picky. Needless to say, the genre that came up the latter half of last year was dinosaur and monster verse type of movies. They seemed to provide the right level of action, some mild relationship plot, and then enough films to give us some continuity and theme without the emotional attachment. I mean all of this boils down to my problem of overthinking. If I start to consider the characters in a film to be too human, I will take on their problems and try to fix them. Seriously. I will lie awake in bed trying to figure things out for them. I’m telling you, my brain works in strange ways.

After I got COVID around Thanksgiving, somehow a fire got lit under my ass. My sleep has been shit my whole life, my skin was breaking out crazy again (despite being on very strong antibiotics and Retin-A), and I was just feeling very run down and tired. In December, I asked my doctor for a full blood work up. The results showed that I was pre diabetic. At first, I was just going to ignore it: after all, I wasn’t diabetic, just PRE. But then several of my friends were also found to be prediabetic recently, and they apparently freaked out and started taking drastic action. Figuring that they had actually spent some time studying the numbers and understanding the real implications, I decided now was as good a time as any to re-examine my health.

So since late December, I’ve cut back on carbs (mostly rice and breads) and on portions. Plus I’ve started focusing on improving my sleep and increasing my activity. It’s been almost a month now, and I am pleased to report progress!!

I’m not gonna lie: I was definitely feeling VERY hungry the first several weeks. Like a new baseline of chronic hunger. Distracting hunger. I realized I used to eat a shit ton of rice and breads to quickly get my meals over with. Like that was the bulk of my consumption. After reducing those foods, I found myself grasping for other things to eat: tomatoes here and there, cauliflower, avocados, kefir… Desperate to dull the hunger pangs, I even started taking Metamucil before meals. But the gelatinous texture started to get gross after a few days so I discontinued that. Eventually, after maybe two weeks, my body adjusted to the new normal of NOT feeling full. And my clothes actually started to fit better, so the results were encouraging!

Meanwhile, for my sleep, my friend recommended an OTC supplement (NatureMade Back to Sleep), so I started up with that and tacked on three other routines before bed:

1. Roll out knots in my back using an acupressure wheel,
2. Lower my mattress heater temp,
3. Lock away my phone,
4. White noise machine.

And whaddya know? I have been sleeping soundly for the first time in my life… The weird thing is, I had previously tried all of these tactics independently but never all together. Who knew? So now I am catching up on my sleep deficit and damn, it feels good.

J has also shed some pounds going on the prediabetic diet/lifestyle change, and his snoring has diminished significantly. So we are excited for more good things in 2024. This year is our zodiac year, and we’re both dragons. We’re using that as motivation to make some changes for the better.

As for the popcorn ritual, we are taking a bit of a break. But it might come back occasionally, once we find some new content to watch. I’m thinking we’re going to get back into Chinese films featuring actors from our China days (2003-2006).

Head of Household

It’s a new year, and I am checking off a whole shit ton of items on the to do. Actually, many of the things were back burner level of priority but I will say, it feels damn good to come outta the gates swinging and get shit done. It’s got me thinking though about other households throughout the country. There’s a LOT of logistics to handle… Who is taking care of these tedious things?!?!? J and I are just a household of TWO people. How is this being juggled with two jobs, kids, school, etc.?

First item I tackled was medical insurance. Since I’m an independent contractor, we have to get our own health insurance. After my monster medical bill at the start of COVID in 2020 (ERCP + gall bladder removal), I got firsthand experience seeing how much medical expenses can add up. I mean, even if we account for exaggerated pricing due to the continual battle between insurers and providers, I was in the hospital for a day and a half, and the bill was $110k. Yeah, let that sink in. Thank goodness, we were only responsible for $500 bc of insurance.

The point is, J and I are now squarely at that age where medical issues are popping up on the regular (hello frozen shoulder), so we def need coverage. For the last several years, we just got the Obamacare/Realtor group plan that ran about $1000/month (at least when we started a few years ago). I typically didn’t change plans year after year during open enrollment, bc I’m happy with Kaiser and I figured the annual increase would be marginal. Wrong. This year, our monthly premium increased from $1200/month to $1550. WTF? When I found out, the enrollment period had already closed. So I thought we were stuck for the next year paying an extra $250/month.

Of course, I immediately started panicking feeling like we were trapped. And then I did a little bit of digging and learned that various realtor associations offer group plans. So mine is through the state association of realtors but the local association also has packages. Long story short, since I changed from one local association to another, that was considered a “qualifying event” that re-opened the enrollment window. I mean, I won’t belabor it further, but lesson 1: pay attention to any notices about annual increases in insurance premiums and lesson 2: read the fine print.

With the local association, I’m able to downgrade our Kaiser plan and get that premium back down to $1200. Meanwhile, I get to keep my medical record number and continue seeing my current doctors. Yay!

The other low-priority task we did this month was bundle fiber and wireless service. We’d been on Verizon forever and the signal at home was shit. We just put up with it bc we knew switching was a pain. Well, this time we just ripped the band aid off. I met a super helpful store manager, talked to him a few times, and we got everything moved over, saving at least $100/month. The big lesson I learned from there? AARP recently got rid of their min age requirement!! And an existing membership can cover TWO people. So now not only do I get reading material that speaks to me (I AM Benjamin Button after all), but by piggybacking on my dad’s membership, I gain access to a whole other world of discounts (kinda like AAA) PLUS it saved me the $50 AT&T activation fee and granted me another 10% discount on the monthly bill. Yup, stack ’em up, baby. It’s been a while since I scored some good dealios, and I’d forgotten the highs I get from a sweet bargain. I know it sounds tedious, but once you get the hang of it, the savings add up.

Speaking of… I’m still using Rakuten/Ebates. Just a tiny extra step and over time, it accumulates to $1200 in savings just going through their shopping portal. And our upcoming midweek trip to St. Helena? One night is free. Hehe. I know, not the most exciting post for 2024. Just saying, you can save some dough if you pay attention. That’s all for now. More exciting stories to come. Hurrah!

Two Bosses

John always jokes that my father and I are very similar. I mean, like they say: the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree… And the reason we clash is bc we both like to be the boss. John always describes us as the two bosses: one boss bossing the other boss. I won’t disagree. Each meeting essentially becomes a monster to-do session, with my dad ranting off a laundry list and I’m the executor. The thing is, he likes to give me entire brain dumps of tasks… like even while I’m in the middle of working on one item, he’ll start going into details about the next thing. These are the moments when I come damn close to reliving my notorious “I’m not your fucking secretary” moment. I mean, he also hovers while I’m doing the tasks. Like a total maniacal micro manager!

So this time I went back, and his internet had shitty signal again. This has been an ongoing issue for the last several years tbh. I kept telling him to call the cable guy and get the shit upgraded and for whatever reason, he just couldn’t get it done. As a result, year after year, we put up with his devices jumping from one network to the other, causing all kinds of spotty issues with the printer, his phone, laptop, security cameras, etc. It drove me insane every damn time I had to remote tunnel into his computer.

So then this trip, I got sick on arrival and quarantined in none other than the bedroom with NO goddamn cell or internet signal. Yup, five days in the slammer with shoddy to nil service.

As soon as I got out, I hit up the Costco, bought a new $60 router, called the cable guy, and the next day, voila, we have freaking fire. Strong, reliable internet in every goddamn room. Was that so hard that I had to fly half way around the globe to get this issue fixed?!?! Apparently, yes.

Btw an example of dad the micromanager: so obviously, he has no clue about tech. Yet when the service guy came, dad asked me to explain the situation to him and then he wanted to explain it to the tech. I’m like dad: I got it. Why would I communicate thru you? This isn’t the freaking telephone game. I know the issue and I can speak in Chinese to communicate with the tech. Jesus Christ. I mean, my non native Chinese plus knowledge of tech is way better than your native language skills and zero understanding of tech.

I told you. In any given situation, whatever the answer is, my dad will select THE most complicated and circuitous route to arrive at the solution. For realz. Time and time again. FML.

So then the guy is there in the living room setting up the device that I bought. I’m already there giving the tech details like what to name the network, what password I want, changing the router log in, updating the firmware and then dad is there hovering trying to re-explain shit I already went over. I’m telling you: It was a goddamn shit show. I was like Dad, stay in your fricking lane!!! Can you see why it’s so damn challenging and exhausting spending time with my parents???

Unrecognizable

Omg the Taiwanese are so obsessed with weight. Every time I go back, everyone’s all up in each other’s bidness about who got fat and who got skinny. And no, they don’t use any euphemisms. Everything is straight up radical honesty.

In recent zooms before the trip, my dad keep asking me if I had put on some pounds. I said I didn’t think so, and he was like are you sure?? Fucking Chinese. So uncouth about their topics of conversation.

Yeah, so during this trip, my family asked me how much I weigh. It was so foreign to them that I don’t weigh myself and do not know my number. As soon as I said that, my aunt busted out the scale. Yes, like they have a scale in every room of the house. I’m telling you. East meets west and then things crash and burn. I’ve gained maybe five pounds. To me, that is nbd.

Last year when my grandma died, my cousin AH went to stay overnight at another cousin’s (WQ) house. He and his parents told me later: OMG she got so fat. Her butt and legs… they exclaimed: she used to be one of our skinniest cousins!!! I’m thinking, yeah, of course she was, like when we were in our fucking 20s. The standards for women here are so ridiculous.

AH proceeds to say WQ’s face got so pudgy that it completely altered her face shape. She was practically unrecognizable. Yup, those were the exact words. In Chinese of course. Still. So damn dramatic.

I see her year after year. And she looked the damn same. John agreed. I called them out on it, and then they doubled down, saying she even admitted her clothes stopped fitting her!! As if that immediately meant she gained so much weight so as to become unrecognizable. Ridic.

I mean, depending on how tight a person wears her clothes, you can literally gain a measly 3-5 pounds and your clothes won’t fit. Calm the hell down people. Seriously.