The Drama Lives On

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When I was in Taiwan last November, my brother had come down from Taipei to stay with my parents. Actually, he’s been spending more time in the southern part of the island for a while now since he’s no longer employed and bc the weather down south is warmer. The general family “belief” let’s call it, is that it’s good for him to spend more time with my mother.

Mind you, my mother at this point can not stand. She cannot have a conversation. Her Alzheimer’s has absolutely progressed to the point that she requires every bit of care from our full-time, live-in caretaker. So I don’t really see why my brother’s presence is needed or beneficial, but as the saying goes, “I’m not a parent, so I will never understand.”

So basically, my brother forces himself onto the household, and then he behaves like a militant drill sergeant barking orders to my dad and the caretaker with very specific instructions on my mother’s care. In case you’ve been living under a rock, my brother does not believe in Western meds. In fact, he is convinced it’s all a conspiracy theory for the financial benefit of the pharmaceuticals. Ironically, he believes the companies selling deer placenta, Himalayan mud (there’s a special name for it that currently escapes me), and similar random supplements are doing all this out of the pure goodness of their hearts…

From my trip, I knew nothing had changed in all these years. You know, I’ve been mostly estranged from my brother, and my father and I don’t talk much about him. But from my brief stay in November, it was clear Dad and J were continuing to butt heads. And I would hear bits and pieces from my relatives that J did this and J did that and there was an explosive fight here and there. In the 10 days I was on site, there were at LEAST two explosions. In addition, my brother had also lost his shit with the caretaker (who is younger than us) and made her cry. He is a goddamn maniac, and honestly, it’s a blessing that I decided to cut him out of my life decades ago. Bc I am not up for this level of daily drama with a capital D. If my parents are up for it, so be it. I am NOT.

The point is, I witnessed that NOTHING had changed. My relatives were still hanging on to every tiny glimmer thinking my brother would one day wake up, see the error of his ways, and decide to be a “good human.” So a few days ago, while I had out of town visitors, I saw an email from my brother to my dad’s account (which Dad has me screen for legal/financial stuff). It was entitled “Diary.” And it was pages of bullshit… blaming my mother’s condition on my dad, blaming everything on my dad. Saying my brother knows how to cure her, and my father is thwarting him from REVERSING her condition and extending her life. I mean, my parents have led miserable, unhappy lives for as long as I have known them. At minimum, they have been miserable for the last 15 years. Part of it is their own insistence on perfectionism and reputation/prestige and the other is this lifelong disappointment in J, in me, in just life as a whole. Anyway, the irony is that they live like monks (no carbs, no oils, no sugars, no fun) for the purpose of longevity, but what’s the point of living forever when you’re miserable?!?! I don’t get it, but what do I know: I’m just a stupid Americanized cat lady. So back to the email: it’s just littered with all this rage and then he talks about killing my father. There is one tiny paragraph where he suggests that maybe he is projecting his own disappointments and insecurities but main theme? Everything is dad’s fault, and he wants to kill him.

Naturally, I receive this email and call Taiwan. My dad answers and tells me that in the middle of the night, he and J got into a huge fight and my brother pushed him (my dad is 80; brother is 50), and threatened to kill him. He thought about calling me but didn’t. Ok, great, thanks for the consideration. What. the. fuck. So by the time I see this email, it’s late morning. Brother is now in his room. Brother has been coming and going as he pleases, bc clearly my parents don’t know anything about boundaries. I text my brother a piece of my mind and no reply. I call twice. No pickup. He is a mother-fucking asshole, and now I’m super pissed about this bullshit drama predicament we are in. My dad tells me he doesn’t know what to do, maybe he will move to a new place and not tell my brother. Hello, CLASSIC SIGNS OF ABUSE. I tell him he needs to get my brother out of the goddamn house. I mean, they already bought my brother a condo, why does he need to stay with them? My aunt also has a vacant house where he sometimes stays. There are so many places he can stay, why do you let him come to your house?? The same bullshit over and over. I can’t bar him from seeing his mother. YES, YOU CAN. Especially if he doesn’t stay in his fucking lane and shut up about commandeering her treatment plan. WTF. I’m from a family of retards.

Long story short, I (who cannot read Chinese) find a website about senior abuse with some information and forward it to my dad. I call my aunt and tell her to pick up my brother and take him away. I unload all this shit to my visiting friend who happens to be a mental health nurse practitioner. She’s been hearing about my family bullshit for a few years. She suspects my brother has borderline personality disorder, and based on the escalation, he’s potentially dangerous. So, as I’ve suggested to my father before, get him out, get your keys back, and/or change the goddamn locks! I mean, for a person that believes so much in self-determination and action, he moves so fucking slowly on this shit. It all should have happened years ago but no, every time there’s a fight, they go back to their bedrooms, cool off, then there’s another rage event a day or two later. REPEAT. So this time, brother got removed. Supposedly, he gave dad his elevator fob. My dad had the locks changed. Brother is now staying at my aunt’s house 50 minutes away. I tell my father he needs to tell the doorman not to let my brother in, and I suggest he speak to the police about what happens should there be another incident. He refuses to do either.

In my mind, my brother can just go to the park where the caretaker takes mom twice a day. Then, he can start bullying her again about mom’s care/medications, and she is already afraid of him. And potentially, he can follow her and mom back to the house. What’s the plan then? My dad responds that J wouldn’t do that. Ok, well did you expect him to push you and threaten to kill you???? I told him to know the police phone number. He replies that he’ll do that when he needs to. I mean, you don’t know how to get ANY information!!! I am the one who found the service online. You are paralyzed and NOT resourceful. Do you even know how to get the number for the police? You need to have it ready on your phone. He gets all annoyed, saying J won’t do that and he doesn’t need that info right now. Ok, what the fuck ever. When you get pushed again and injured at the hands of my brother, don’t call me. He always says he doesn’t want to bother me. Um, well since you decided to live halfway around the world to save on expenses/taxes but continue living a life of misery and have me handling all your administrative/financial shit, you have already bothered and inconvenienced me. Just so you know. I tell him that things are escalating, and if J doesn’t get help/meds, he might have to be institutionalized. Then, dad says they can’t just lock someone up. Um, do you fucking know the process in Taiwan? No. He insists there has to be a history and evidence. Ok, well all of the sudden, you know the system. The proof is, he pushed you and threatened to kill you to your face. Then he emailed the same thing. And the caretaker is a witness. Fuck all this bullshit. I’m out.

Year of the Snake

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Wow, so much has happened in a mere three months. Obviously, politically, I’m super disappointed and disillusioned. I tried so hard after the defeat to understand where the hell the Dems went wrong. So many places it seems… even among people I know, they criticized the messaging, the key platforms, the lack of strategy… I dunno. I honestly didn’t see it coming, and I was very blind-sided by the results. Most people I know are taking a break from the news now, but it’s terrifying see how quickly the new Napoleon is implementing his changes.

In other news, after my Accutane stint that ended in late August, I’ve still been battling side effects. Several months after treatment ended, my dry eye is as bad as ever. I’ve resorted to wearing eyeglasses again. For some reason, though the ‘tane got me clear, I now have dark circles under my eyes. I was having eye twitches and headaches. My body was really starting to break down. Thankfully, my PCP is a superstar and after adopting a couple of her recommendations, the latter two symptoms have mostly subsided now that we’re into February. The dry eye is the remaining hurdle, but it seems excessive computer time exacerbates the condition.

Work for 2025 is off to a slower start than last year. A few listings in the pipeline and 3 buyers who say they are “committed” but their actions show otherwise. I’m tiring of this business. It still gets me up every morning, but the people part is exhausting. Maybe J is right: going into the investment/flipping side of things would allow me to shine in my project management abilities while decreasing exposure to buyers’ fickle emotions and common family dysfunction.

I had a Lunar New Year party last week that was a fun distraction. I stole some new decorating ideas from Instagram and Pinterest and purchased a table rod– an assembly that towers over the dining table. It’s a surprisingly easy concept where a metal rod arch clamps to the table, allowing you to dangle lanterns, flowers, lights, etc. overhead. I’m happy with it. For the food, we made dumplings, following one of our OG recipes from our days in Shanghai (circa 2003) and rice cakes. Then, we supplemented with vegetable sides from a local restaurant. The spread turned out great, and in just the right portions. Next month after the weather starts to warm and dry, I’ll resume my monthly Mahjong Mastermind. It’s been so long, I may have to re-watch the tutorial!

What else. My buds P & C are coming up later this week from Long Beach. Thankfully, Southwest has direct flights from LGB to SJC which makes things so much easier. I was motivated to clean out my home office FINALLY to make room for them. I put up my floating book shelves, hung my uke, got a new upright stand for my zither… all little things but Jesus, everything had been sitting around collecting dust for years.

Speaking of the zither, I started playing it again. I’m working on a couple of old folk songs. I have to say, the phone app guzheng tuner is a lifesaver. J recently found a “Harps of Asia” concert at Stanford that featured music with the guzheng along with its counterparts from Vietnam, Japan, and Korea. The concert was surprisingly good, and now I’m feeling re-inspired to attend more live music events at Stanford and to play my instrument with more regularity.

Annual Pilgrimage

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This fall, as the elections came into full swing, I really tried to maintain some positivity before my annual pilgrimage to Taiwan. I was feeling hopeful and encouraged by the groundswell of the Harris Walz campaign… she had somehow managed to turn this sinking ship around from the doldrums of watching two grandpas duke things out to infusing the efforts with so much promise, vibrance, humor, wit, energy… I was feeling so good about where we were all headed.

Meanwhile, I couldn’t help but feel that my inner circle had reservations. Even friends who I considered to be more positive than I, expressed reluctance and skepticism. It was starting to irk me, tbh. I mean, seriously, we had Beyonce and Taylor Swift… ridiculous donation bucks. What was it going to take to get you people to be convinced?!?!?

Well, turns out I was the dumbass left holding the bag. The intelligentsia around me had all been holding their breath, and goddamn, I went to bed that night so defeated and so disenchanted wondering what on Earth just happened.

The next day, we were slated to fly out to Taiwan. Every year the trip to see my parents is riddled with stress and dread. I had really wanted to exuberance of the elections to fill my cup and get me emotionally/mentally ready for a stressful 12 days in Asia. No. such. luck.

While we waited on the airport lounge for our flight, I was obsessed with reading the news, trying to understand what the fuck just happened. Who did this? Why did the Dems fail so miserably? What I found echoed some similar phrases I had been hearing among the local elites (which I consider my inner circle to be): The Dem’s have no strategy. Their marketing sucks. Their messaging sucks. There’s no plan. WTF are you talking about?

She had a plan. She proposed specific initiatives. What was HIS plan? I was so pissed that once again the woman was somehow to blame. What did you need to hear? Tell me exactly what it is you needed to hear to be convinced that she was the right candidate for the job, and he wasn’t. I’m not satisfied with any of it. And so I sat at the lounge table eating my free but tasteless snacks, my eyes welling up. I sobbed. It was the worst day. And now I was headed to see my family and I was possibly to be in the presence of my anti-vaxer brother. All my plans to fill my cup crashed and burned.

Overall the trip went fine. Better than expected. It helped that John did some last minute finagling to score us biz class tickets on the ride over. Fucking 14 hours and the lie-flat seats were freaking amazeballs. He had been talking it up for years, and it just felt like such an unnecessary luxury. Well, this time it was essential. Flight over was great.

Visit with the parentals went fine. Thankfully, Mom had recently entered a quieter phase, so instead of all her angry outbursts and toxic accusations last year, she was pretty quiet. During the 12 days, she still had her moments and she still bites and pinches, but she seemed more tolerable. My brother was there, we had some civil conversations, but he doesn’t look well. He’s too far in on these bohemian health tonics and supplements but I just have to let it go. It’s not my job to save him. There were a few eruptions between him and my father that I had to break up and talk them down. You know I’ve had some kind of massive breakthrough when Vicky Volcano is the calm one.

Interestingly, I visited with a few of my cousins and my oldest aunt. My one cousin who is 52 y/o had the nerve to tell me it’s not too late for me to have kids. I can still get it done for the family. My aunt then proceeded with her annual message: You know, if you were a typical daughter in Taiwan whose father begged/asked her to have children, 99% of them would have acquiesced to their parents’ dream. No one would deny something that their parents wanted so badly. Gee, thanks. First, I’m not a typical Taiwanese daughter. Second, I’m 48 y/o, why are you telling me this, as if I had ANY regrets about my decision? As if I’d even consider changing my mind. Jesus Christ, stay in your fucking lane already.

Needless to say, 12 days was a goddamn eternity but I survived thanks to the amazing buffering power of Bubs. I came away from the trip thinking maybe I would try checking in with my brother every once in a while. He clearly has mental illness issues (maybe borderline personality), but since he doesn’t believe in meds (but he does believe in unregulated, non-FDA approved pills/supplements), nothing is going to really help stabilize him. And so it’s an entire life just filled with trauma, pain, depression, self loathing… I’ve never really understand why people stagnate in misery. They insist they have no choice. They insist they don’t choose this kind of paralysis. But I’m not the best at empathizing on this. I’ve always believed in some element of self-determination and choice. At least for anyone who grew up with privilege in the US. It’s a core belief, and I will always believe there’s a way out. But I guess the reality is, not everyone agrees.

The journey back was a beotch. Partly bc we were back in economy. Yeah, I knew biz class travel was going to be a Pandora’s box. Fucking A. The 12-hr flight back in economy sucked much more than I ever remembered. But holy fuck, it was amazing to be back home.

Fortunately, the dog sitter we hired was a legit adult with real accountability and responsibilities. Benny still had his poopy problems and accidents, but she took them in stride and best of all, she was a homebody who liked to hang out with the dog. I was relieved to see them bonded. It’s nice to know we have an option now that we didn’t have before. But I still think he’s on this last year, so there’s that. Only happy thoughts here, can you tell?

The Lodge

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At the end of April, J and I tried out a new type of destination. We hit up Carmel Valley Ranch, which is a golf club/resort kind of spot. With its luxurious pool/hot tubs plus on-site animal farm, massive vegetable garden, and beautifully manicured grounds, it was hard not to fall in love. I subsequently spent much of spring/summer dreaming of ways to get back to that environment again. Unfortunately, Benny’s mobility issues took months of troubleshooting– all the way until late September, when the monthly injectable Librela finally started to take effect (third month) and coupled with prednisone (the universal magic pill) tweaked to the right dose, we got him stable again.

In early October, we felt ready to try two things: a new overnight dog sitter (recommended by a neighbor on Nextdoor) and a new lodge/golf resort escape. Enter the Quail Lodge in Carmel Valley. The thing I’m noticing about golf places— they are so much better maintained. Not just with the grounds, but I mean the rooms, the lobby, the common areas… The architecture/decor/style may be a bit old school or dated, but the upkeep is impeccable. We were only there for two nights, and I submitted an offer during our stay, but it was a pleasant albeit brief getaway. We rented e-bikes and toured the neighborhood, got on a nice paved trail riding by the pastures… scenic and quiet. The next day, we went on a short hike. We hit up Earthbound Farms and a few other local food spots. Walked around sleepy downtown Carmel. We had a nice time and a welcome respite from the week-long heat wave. Meanwhile, Bentley did fine as well. The sitter is probably in her 30s-40s, and I have to say, it’s nice to have someone who’s mature and well, how to say, seasoned by life to handle responsibilities. Bentley seemed calm and comfortable when we returned so all in all, a successful trip. The icing on the cake would have been if my clients beat out 42 other offers to win a house in Palo Alto, but apparently, that’s too much to ask for these days. 🙂

As Good As New

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I have to say, once I got my damaged vehicle into the hands of my local dealer/shop, it was pretty smooth sailing. My service department advisor W is my dude– he is the epitome of customer service. I’ve been going to him for years, so thankfully, he hooked me up with the exact collision estimator who in turn, sent my car to the right repair crew. Damn, no where else is “who you work with matters” better exemplified. The estimator took over to work out the claims/payments directly with my insurance. Then, the repair guy gave me an update at least 2x/week. I never had to ride ass, check in, do anything. It was like clockwork. And in this day and age? What a fucking rarity. Seriously.

After about three weeks, I got my whip back, and holy crap, it is as good as new. I mean, this was $20k worth of work, and I could not see a single imperfection. I tell you, good people who conduct their work with pride… it gets me every damn time. So yes, I wrote glowing reviews on multiple platforms, bc that is the LEAST you can do as someone who receives stellar service.

So thankfully, I was able to return the rental car and I am back to full efficiency, with my trunk stocked just right with my real estate signs, tools, junk. And all my addresses loaded up in the GPS/navigation system. I know, doesn’t sound like a big deal, but hello, newsflash: I’m old. I’m set in my ways. I don’t deal well with change.

In the end, the take home is: thank goodness, there were no injuries, and I’m super grateful that both drivers had insurance. Onward.

Crashed and Stunned

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Last week, I was meeting up with my biz partner H to catch up over lunch and to tour a local property under renovation. After a fruitful afternoon, I started heading home from downtown Los Altos. At a stop sign, I turned right onto a straightaway, going east. A Honda CR-V was traveling in the opposite direction on the straightaway, going west. As I approached the next intersection (with no lights/stop signs), the other driver suddenly pulled into my lane to make an abrupt left turn. I had no notice, slammed on the brakes, and crashed into her passenger front end.

Her air bag deployed, and she covered her face with her hands. As we were now blocking the small intersection, I back up and pulled to the side/curb to clear the blockage. She continued to sit in her car. I got out of my car, and as I walked towards her intending to exchange information, she looked up, drove forward slowly (I was thinking she was going to park on the curb in front of my car), and then she drove off!?!?

I was utterly stunned, as I didn’t expect a 50+ y/o white lady in Los Altos (chi chi town) to do a hit and run. Somehow, I had the wherewithal to capture a pic of her plates as she drove past, with me standing there in the middle of the intersection. I was in shock, and with my hands trembling lightly, I called 911. The cop arrived within five minutes. I explained the situation, and he told me he would reach out to her. Though my car was mangled, I was able to drive the few miles home. My damage consisted of a dented hood, mangled right light assembly, wrecked bumper, and as I discovered a day later, a cracked windshield.

Later that day, the cop called and said the lady called into the station. She corroborated my story and admitted fault, but she explained that she drove off bc she “didn’t see me.” I was so annoyed by her blatant lie. Needless the say, the cop acknowledged the explanation didn’t make sense, he would update his report (still mentioning that she left the scene), and go from there.

Now, five days later, I’ve opened the claim under my account, bc the insurance company is still waiting on the police report to obtain the other driver’s name and policy info. After numerous circuitous calls to my insurance office, the claims department, and auto shops, yesterday I drove the car to my local dealer to my trusted service advisor and his collision estimator. As I pulled into the bay, both men expressed shock that I drove the vehicle, which is funny bc the day of the accident, as soon as Bubs got home, he started going off about all the damage, and so many pieces involved, etc. I was like, OMG you are overreacting. The car still drives. Well, the service dudes had the same reaction as Bubs. It’s a lot of damage. You shouldn’t be driving the car. Off hand, the estimator says it’ll be at least $10k, they won’t know really until they start peeling away the damage to expose what’s underneath. So how long will it be in the shop? I’m guessing a week… A looong time, he says. 3-4 weeks. Whaaaa???

So the good news is that I’m uninjured. My airbag didn’t deploy. The day after, I had some neck/back soreness, but I feel fine now. The bad news is we are waiting on that police report, and I’ll have to figure out a rental car and ride ass on the insurance company to get all the paperwork done right. I am not at fault, so there shouldn’t be any impact to my insurance premium or my driving record.

But dayum, that freaking other driver! Who behaves like this??? I was asking myself: is it possible that someone can go through adult life and NOT know s/he is supposed to stay on scene after an accident? It made me think of that time when I drove a colleague home from a work party. He had a beer at the party, and I told him I could drive, and he could just take the drink with him. He and I are both from the Mid-Atlantic. Later, another friend told me California has open container laws, where you can’t have any open alcohol in the car, regardless of who was driving. Huh??? I was honestly shocked, bc I had never heard of this. So am I like this other woman? Somehow, I had glided through life not possessing what my friend considered to be common sense?!?!

Actually, I just looked this up. IN MY DEFENSE, Virginia, where J and I last lived prior to China and California, actually does NOT have open container laws, so passengers are permitted to have alcohol!

Airport Pickups

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Last year, J and I watched a movie called Chloe— it was a psychological thriller starring Liam Neeson and Julianne Moore as a couple/family who becomes entangled with a prostitute, in part bc the husband and wife fell into a routine and lost their connection. Somewhere in the film, the husband (who traveled for work) asks the wife, “When did we stop picking each other up from the airport?”

Having gone to couples therapy many years ago, I remember being in that period of disconnection. During that time, J was entrenched in the work of a startup, while I was at a government job that gave me the best work-life balance ever. But we were like two ships passing in the night. I think about how now, with him being retired and me being an agent, our roles have reversed. As my own workaholic tendencies have resurfaced, I catch myself in moments where the day-to-day suddenly feels very routine and automatic.

That line in the movie resonates with me, though bc it’s a reminder that gestures are important. That’s not to say I’ll take J to the airport at 4am or in the middle of rush hour, but if it’s relatively feasible, I do try my best to take him or pick him up. After many days apart, I like to think he’ll appreciate seeing me again soon after he lands.

It’s not an explicit bid for attention, but I think gestures/instances where one partner anticipates the needs of another are important. I try to notice and appreciate when someone shows some forethought and exercises consideration. For us, these actions really have been foundational to our longevity. Speaking of which, we are coming up on 28 years together. It hasn’t all been smooth sailing, but I feel very lucky and fortunate.

Learning Rampage

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I’ve been on a learning rampage lately… First, my real estate license is set to expire this year in November, so naturally in true VG fashion, I downloaded all the course materials in March and started EARLY with the classes. There were about 14 classes/45 hours of credits. Anyway, I started in spring and then wrapped everything up with the quizzes and tests in July. So now my license is renewed for another four years, woo hoo!

After I finished with that, I came across a free registration to an online senior pet summit. Even as a kid, I’ve always had a fascination with dogs and horses. I used to read all the sections in the Encyclopedia and also borrowed books from the library about grooming, care, diet, and training. Since Bentley is now 11, I thought the summit was especially timely. It was so interesting and covered a broad spectrum of topics from diet/nutrition to physical therapy/massage to nail trimming (so much more important that I ever thought) to euthanasia. It was soo good, and I came away with lots of new tips.

Meanwhile, here’s the update on Benny. Since the start of the year, his hind legs started getting very weak. The vet initially tried a combo of meloxicam and methocarbamol, but that didn’t help. We went off of it and just slowed down our walks. Then in April, we went to Carmel Valley Ranch for a few days, and Bentley really started to struggle with the uneven terrain. A few times, he lost his balance while pooping, which of course, is a full-blown Code Red. As soon as we returned to town, we went back to the vet. She wanted to try the methocarbamol/meloxicam mix again. Did it again and also added physical therapy/laser treatment. The PT recommended that we change out his harness, bc turns out the Easy Walk cuts off their front legs’ forward extension (covered in the Pet Summit!). I also tried doing more massage. No real improvement still.

We then tried Gabapentin, and that actually resulted in ataxia (back legs imbalance), so it was meant to treat possible pain and stabilize his mobility, but the dose was so high that it made things worse, and he was stumbling around all over the place. Backed off the gabapentin. then went to prednisone… of course all these meds are trying to attack the problem from different modes, like muscle relaxants, pain relief, nerve pain, arthritic pain, etc… The pred, which he was on before when he had the TWO autoimmune diseases, was also too high and resulted in stomach ulcers and diarrhea. Cut the dose on that…

Needless to say, it’s been a very bumpy ride. Now we are on the fifth med called Librela, an injectable monoclonal antibody for arthritic pain. The vet said that we may need two doses to see any changes. Right now, no real improvement unfortunately, but we’ll try again with the second dose next month.

Yes, the process has been super frustrating. But we are plugging along. The hind end harness and stroller are helpful.

Btw, I just came across this article last night. I wasn’t in full frame of mind looking at it in bed, but this morning, I listened to the audio and then it had me crying inconsolably. I know what’s to come sooner than later, and it’s going to be serious heartbreak. I just hope I can maintain awareness and perspective to do what’s right for Benny when his time comes.

Winds of Change

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The good news is that so much has changed since my last frustrated, disenchanted post. Thank fucking goodness Biden stepped down, and now we are in a totally transformed state of energy and momentum and hope. I am sooo STOKED about KH. Right away, the people around me were skeptics and cynics and doubters (despite being supporters). Jesus, who knew I was surrounded by a bunch of Debbie Downers… nonetheless, my enthusiasm could not be smothered, and as it turned out, neither could that of a who deluge of people. I mean, she raised SO MUCH DAMN MONEY in the first 24-hrs alone! It was awesome to bear witness.

And since those early hours as the new guard, she’s raised even more. Meanwhile, Trump has gotten flustered, and his previously “disciplined” strategy has been blown out of the water, triggering him into reverting back to his old ways of spewing more outrageous garbage out of that damn piehole. Don’t get me wrong, he’s never been moderated (at least from what I’ve been reading), but he’s going off script now more than ever and Jesus, it’s insane how much this shock jock continues to ramble on with his bullshit.

I have to say, I was on the fence about the whole NABJ event. From an academic standpoint, I do think there is value in discourse and presenting opposing sides… it’s just that Trump isn’t really a person who’s presenting an opposing side in any kind of interactive way. His language is just continued hate mongering and racist/sexist fake news that only adds flames to the fire. Nothing he says is ever presented in a manner that contributes to a productive discussion. So then, are these platforms just giving him more free airtime? I dunno what the real answer is on this, but I’m definitely torn.

At the NABJ event specifically, I thought the moderators did a good job staying calm and redirecting back to the questions BUT he was clearly verbally abusive and having a tantrum— should they have given him a platform in the first place to direct that negativity towards them?

I do feel reinvigorated, and I am finding myself following the news more closely… in that sense, this change in the ticket has given me something new to study and follow and care about. Meanwhile, I am already ramping up my activism. My friend G turned me on years ago to Vote Foward, which is a nonprofit organization that focuses on getting out the vote. I have already started my letter writing activities… I’m so excited for November 5. I am feeling very hopeful and optimistic, and so far the stats are looking favorable for KH. YEAH!!!

WTF

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Seriously, what the heck is happening in this crazy world of ours? I sat down to watch the Presidential debate and holy hell, what a debacle. I mean, kudos to both men wanting to work this insane job and at their ages… I’m already burned out at 48, for crying out loud. Still though, it’s time to step aside. Both of them. But Biden, damnit, please have the wherewithal to do this gracefully!!! Why are you forcing our hand?

And then the assassination attempt? That freaking iconic picture of Trump with the bloodied ear and the defiant fist in the air… fucking A. I just can’t take this bullshit any longer. A month ago, while John and friends expressed concern, I still had faith. Now, I am stressing big. time. Come on, Dems! Where is your brilliance and strategy???