Category Archives: Marriage

Skating towards Salvation

I have been so damn cranky these last few weeks. Of course, I’m thankful to have Bubbey home again, but at the same time, even he would agree that his re-assimilation back to suburban living has been challenging. I mean, who can blame him? Road-tripping across country, exploring new places, eating new foods vs. chores and tedious matters in an uninsulated house that is hotter than hell. To his credit, he’s working on getting back into the groove, so I’m hopeful things will get better.

Meanwhile, some days my job just feels utterly intolerable. Not only is the content just not floating my boat, but goddamn, some of the people at the office just irk the living shit out of me. I know, as is, I am impatient as fuck, but come on, why can’t these people just stop annoying me?? 😛 Haha. Yeah, I’m feeling kinda harsh today. You’ll just have to deal.

I was thinking about it more tonight, and you know what? I have never worked at a place where I jived with so few people. I know it’s only been 9 months, but at the fuel cell startup, I practically had 3-4 BFFs in that same amount of time! And I am still in touch with three of them today– like eight years later! I have yet to put a finger on the exact reason for disconnect: lifestyle, personality, hobbies… I don’t know. And I don’t think I’m overly demanding: I mean, I’m friends with a pretty broad set of people– oldies, youngin’s, people with kids. Whatever. Yes, clearly, I’m overthinking again. And to be fair, it’s also very likely that I’m just a different person than who I was in 2006. I mean, values/attitudes/perspectives can change dramatically over time, especially since I’m now entering my geriatric years.

The point of all of this rambling is that I’m starting to experience anger and rage again. So, in an attempt to keep that explosive shit under control, I was doing the gym-at-lunch thing twice a week with my friend K (who btw works out hard the entire hour while I clock in exactly 20 minutes on the treadmill + 7 minutes for my workout app and the rest of the hour, I sit my lazy ass down on whatever equipment is not being used) and then rollerblading some days after work. Yeah, the FMD didn’t last after Bubbey came home. Still though, I like to be on some kind of program. Skating towards salvation maybe.

In other news, I took another couple of years off my life feuding with a mobile phone company. Yup, earlier this month, I got a bill charging me $410 for an unreturned signal booster. Look fuckers: I merged phones in April, so I closed my line and shipped the signal booster back to you. I followed the tracking number, saw that the item delivered to the warehouse, and then deleted the tracking info bc the transaction loop was closed. Wrong! They insist that the equipment never delivered. So back and forth: I filed search requests, blah, blah. Weeks later, their “investigation” yielded the same goddamn result: no device. Fuck man, I am not paying $410 for some equipment that I needed only bc T-mobile lied to us at the store and on their coverage map. I was livid talking to a gabillion damn reps. Finally, I found my old picture of the shipping label. Thank freaking goodness. Bam: package delivered to warehouse. Fuck you, scammers!! I mean, wtf? So many experiences with no accountability. I sent in all the info via mail AND email. Two days later and still no reply. T-Mobile, don’t make me call your sorry ass again…

Sleepless

So it’s the night before Bubbey flies home, and although I tried really hard to get to bed early, my mind just will not. shut. off. After I was practically in a fit of rage yesterday about work, I wrote a blog post at night, hoping for some kind of therapeutic, calming effect. This morning, I went to work and felt ok about everything. I emailed my boss about some followup content for the post (that was requested by the other department). Done. Next.

At lunch, our department had a nice summer luncheon with London broil and a solid spread. After the outing, I sat down to review the work of my interns. Once or twice my boss came by to chitty chat, but things are a little different now I suppose. I don’t know that the effects will be long lasting, but considering how pissed I was just the day before, I’ll give myself a few more days.

Regardless, I know the answer. This evening, I went through every single contact in my LinkedIn connections. I noticed some interesting changes too: some people changed jobs; others are still unemployed; wow, some people I know are serial jumpers and you know what? Despite people’s judgements against “short-timers,” the jumpers are probably making way more bank. So it got me thinking: what’s even the point of one year? I mean, there isn’t any real hurry other than my intrinsic impatience, but one year is just as arbitrary as any timepoint. Whatever. One of the most interesting findings? My airplane bud L is no longer with that healthcare software startup in the city. I should have suspected something when he revealed he was like spending all this QT with the fam back East. I hope we can connect again this summer: he says he’ll be back in California at the end of July. In terms of what is next: I’ve got a few things on my list. I’m not opposed to private sector, but I do think I’d like to examine serving nonprofit clients working as a consultant at a software product company. We’ll see.

Hello from Miami

So I took a long break from blogging… yeah, after I bruised my nose from the iPad crashing down on my face, I decided I couldn’t be writing posts half asleep. To be honest, I started writing a long post about friendships (surprise, surprise) and then I just kept wasting time on it, bc I couldn’t seem to get the gist right. For now, I have abandoned the draft, bc I don’t have time to keep reworking it. After all, time’s a tickin’, and as it is, I’m freaking all the way across the country now in Miami.

Quick recap: John’s mom is still in the acute rehab facility. She is doing well. She has her hospital posse going on. For one thing, she shares a room with another lady, and they’re so chatty, they don’t even use the room divider curtain thing for personal privacy! J is still back East. He and his siblings finally convinced the parents to move into a 2 BR apartment within an assisted living community. I know it’s a huge change, and I try to be understanding about it, but I guess I also feel really protective of J. He’s been there now for three weeks, handling everything from cooking meals for his dad, to decluttering, to driving them back/forth to the hospital, to organizing, to now packing and moving. If we thought him working at a startup was exhausting and 24/7, this eldercare shit is no. fucking. joke. And incidentally, J comes from a family of chatterboxes, so for an introvert who needs his recharge quiet time, all the human interaction is draining even if his threshold for family is high. He’s been amazing, and they are so lucky to have him willing and able to help.

I really hate to be one of THOSE people crying over spilled milk (or is it spoiled milk), but Jesus Christ. So much of this chaos could have been minimized. For YEARS, J and his siblings broached these difficult topics of aging with the parents. From asking them to consider cleaning services and food delivery, to setting up health directives and wills, to using a cane/walker, to thinking about moving out of their split level home… And yet every single time, their good intentions were met with anger and frustration and resistance. I’m a stubborn person. I understand that when I think I’m right, I don’t want to be bullied into changing my mind. But I dunno. There’s just something about the lack of awareness/self-perception and consequently, the denial and refusal that tries my patience, and I’m not even involved in any of the conversations. Fuck, man. It sounds so frickin’ hard. No wonder Bubbey’s EQ and people skills are “world-class.” I would have lost my shit a million times over.

The good news is that things are finally in motion, regardless of how the cascade of events was triggered. They move on Friday, and Bubbey returns one week after that. Yes, he is going to need a major vacation after all this. Interestingly, as all of this has gone down, I have been telling my parents: figure your shit out bc otherwise, I am going to just come in and bulldoze. I mean, I’m giving them fair warning. And hell, they KNOW I have zero patience, so that’s that. If you don’t figure it out ahead of time, I’m calling all the shots. If you want slow-moving indecisive bullshit, go call on my brother. Doh!!

As for my grandfather, he has graduated from in-home (visiting) physical therapy sessions. The therapists now say he has to go to a local facility with more equipment, bc the daily household exercises are just too easy for him. Yup, my Yebbie is crazy athletic. Did I even tell you? On like the second day after he moved in with my parents, my father found gramps downstairs in the basement, trying out the brand new elliptical machine I had bought my parents in February. Homeboy like made his own way down the stairs and climbed on the equipment. My dad was like, “Hold on, here. You can’t be getting on this thing just yet. You just got home from rehab!!” Yeah man. Yebbie is on the move and cannot be stopped. Thank goodness my parents confiscated his car keys, bc gramps was looking for his keys as soon as he got out of the hospital. Fucking fugitive.

What else. Oh, I had lunch with the boss to celebrate my six months on the job. My actual anniversary date was 4/20, so while I was prepping my bullet points for the conversation (outlining my accomplishments and list of requests/demands), I imagine much of the rest of CA was busy smoking pot. Haha. Yeah, I got all decked out in my power dress too. We had a good conversation. I talked about my challenges, the work load, what I like/dislike… and then I launched into it. But before I was even able to rattle off my items, she stopped me and said she already put in for an increase. It’s not going to be a boost like they do in the corporate world, but it will be within what the institution can do. So now we wait to see if her boss gives the green light. At the time, I was pretty pleased to hear this, but in retrospect, I feel like I should have pressed for details, like how much and what’s the timeline and can it be retroactive. Fucking A. This shit always comes to me AFTER the situation is over. Ah well. Guess I’ll just wait and see.

Meanwhile, the latest newbie is like stressing out every damn day. I mean for sure, she is hypersensitive and perfectionist. She admits this. As a former neurotic stressball myself, I get it: I used to be super reactive about EVERYTHING. Thankfully, in my old age and with the help of Bubbey, I have really chilled the fuck out. And I suppose my last job also gave me lots of practice with the constant disruptions and crisis mode bullshit. The thing with my coworker is that she’s having trouble adjusting and rather than internalize like I do (or I blab to my friends), she has to talk it out like then and there, so she just barges in and dumps it all… which is fine (this ain’t my first rodeo), but don’t expect me to join in escalating that shit, you know? I mean, I know some people are just all about the drama: I have been friends with people like that; I have worked with people like that. It’s ridiculous: every single thing is some kind of personal affront. The truth is, people are NOT that aware. Seriously, people are clueless dumb fucks. I know bc I’m sometimes one of those people wandering about the world, unintentionally cutting people off on the highway, saying nothing at all or something abrupt to a coworker walking down the hall bc I’m preoccupied with something else. But really, contrary to what my mother insisted while I was growing up, not every person is like deliberately trying to thwart you/me. And then beyond that, some people are just chronically frenzied. Like my current boss is perpetually frantic. You have to just understand that SHE is kinda all over the place. That said, not everything she brings to your attention is urgent and immediate. She’s just sharing to put the ball in your court, but you can determine the priority and handle it on your schedule. Anyway, I was trying to express this to my coworker. I felt like past coworkers had also shared this observation with me. But she doesn’t seem convinced. She wants to read it like a personal attack. So fine. Whatever. Go get yourself bent out of shape about it.

Fast forward: Now I’m in Miami for a social media conference. I flew in yesterday, and originally, I had all these grand plans to have people join me and share the swanky hotel room. My bud N was interested, but she had just recovered from back surgery and needed to head back to work. My friend M had some mandatory training at work. Bubs was stuck in MD. And then my other friends are now mothers. But hell, I am a determined beotch, so my hopes weren’t to be foiled. I called up my college buddy J and made the offer. Like with one week’s notice. Granted, J is a planner. He’s not an impulsive or frivolous person, so I fully expected a rejection. But whatdya fucking know? It’s a short, quick trip, but heck, he’s doing it and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Thursday night to Saturday lunch. I’m telling you, even friends you think you have completely figured out: they can still surprise you. I think Bubbey thought we were gonna have separate rooms, but I mean, that defeats the purpose of the free hotel stay!! Duh. Bubs is ok but not super thrilled. Whatever, man. J and I went to college together. He dates back pre-Bubbey even. Actually, I met J my sophomore year (same dorm) and John that summer. So it’s close, but these are silly irrational fears. John knows him, we’ve traveled together, and fuck man, I’m going to be wearing my organic cotton PJs– yes, the ones that look like a concentration camp uniform. In my defense, many years ago, J went solo to a friend’s wedding, and he shared a room with his ex. The thing is, we all have irrational fears. I refuse to let them paralyze me. Bottom line: if Bubs gives me his word, I choose to believe him. And the same goes for him. Heck, my word is even stronger than his, so trust, baby!

Parenting Phobia

For Easter Sunday, J and I were up in San Leandro hanging out with our buds J&J, who are new parents. We played with the baby, caught up on work/life balance struggles, ate, drank, and played mahjong. At some point in the conversation, we talked about preparing wills and medical directives and such. And I came to realize that months ago, when my bud J asked me about being their child’s godparent, I DID read his request correctly. At the time, I interpreted the request as serving as the child’s guardian should anything happen to him and his wife. I tried to acknowledge the honor of being asked, and I tried to stress how much we valued their friendship. But the thought of being a parent really freaks me out. If I really consider my history, an upbringing full of stability and security and yet so laden with stress to achieve and perform and meet expectations… Couple that with multiple examples in my family and extended family of parenting gone horribly wrong, plus the realization that I was essentially already a parent to my brother while we were both at Duke, I have an indescribable fear and loathing for trying to care for or guide someone who ultimately has his/her own mind. I don’t think my brother ever acted with malice, but he most certainly remains selfish, and he understands the power of influence/manipulation. He also is entitled and is particularly prone to  the lure of “get rich” style schemes or claims where people insist a product or person or religion worked magic on their lives.

I myself have a gullibility and fascination with finding products or strategies to improve my life, but I also have a very analytical side that really wants to understand how things work. That often saves me from being duped (fingers crossed) by schemes that somehow attract my brother. Anyway, the point is, I am a control freak, and the uncertainty of parenting forbids me from wanting to be a parent. Needless to say, I wigged out when my friend asked, and I declined.

Related: Sometimes people ask me, “What if you were to get pregnant today? What would you do?” Without hesitation, abort. There isn’t a single ounce of me that wants to take that shit on. I’m “unnatural” that way, as my mother has said.

So after our day with our friends, on the drive home, John brought up the guardian thing again. First, he was surprised that I had declined when I was asked weeks ago. They had actually first asked when they were preggers. I said no. I didn’t even consult or discuss with Bubs, bc you know I’d be doing the bulk of the work (just saying). I explained to Bubs that my reply (of no) was consistent with before. John argued that in one case, the question was technically hypothetical, bc the baby wasn’t yet born. Now, the baby is here. He also made some comment like life isn’t always about what YOU want; sometimes you do things you don’t want, bc that’s the right thing to do. Well, shit. I’m not about to be accused of NOT doing the “right” thing!! Then, he proceeds to say, if we really believe our close friends are the “family we choose for ourselves,” family would take in the orphaned child. Yeah, then I started driving crazy on 880, bc now I was totally preoccupied with this conversation. I like cut someone off, and J made some comment about my driving. Look dude. You know I can’t be having this heavy-ass conversation WHILE I am driving. WTF?????

The thing is though, J brings up some solid points. I guess I just have some expectation like they should ask family, or if not family, they should ask their friends who are already parents, bc those people are experienced and shit. The bottom line is, parenting scares me. As much as I have struggled with how my parents parented, there are times in my life, where I unknowingly carried forth their framework. I’ve blogged about it before: how I had so many expectations for John; how I loved him with conditions; how things he did were never good enough; how there was always so much room for improvement… these concepts drive me to be better, and yet they have also broken me so many damn times, bc I have fallen short of what I or he was supposed to be. Absolutely, I would be a Tiger Mom. I wouldn’t know how to relax and let the child just be a child. I would be the source of so much anxiety and paranoia. Those fucking genetics/cultural influences are just too freaking strong. And then J and I would clash with our parenting styles and philosophies… Sure, I’m responsible, dependable, and resourceful, but that’s just not enough. And on top of that, I don’t want to be a parent. So I suppose J and I continue to waffle on this. J points out that it is a way to honor our friends. They want peace of mind that their treasure will be cared for. J says circumstances are unlikely to necessitate this role for us. To me though, the probability doesn’t diminish what a huge deal this is. Now obviously, we’re not going to just stand by and watch kid go on to be orphan Annie or anything… But should we be the first choice? I just still have my reservations and phobias.

April Distractions

So Bubbey returned from his East Coast trip on Monday night. Every time I go to get anyone from the airport, I always head up too early. Yes, I use the flight tracker, but I still arrive about 20 min too early. Happens every damn time, and I end up circling around the terminals really slowly, trying to avoid the parking nazis.

While hubs was away, I really enjoyed my me time, but I was also very happy to have Bubbey home again. The remainer of the week was ho hum The new academic quarter started up again with the kids returning from spring break, and of course, on social, we had to state the obvious:  welcome back from spring break, Happy April Fool’s, Good Friday, Passover, Easter, blah, blah.

Thankfully, we had Friday off. I lived it up with a bike ride and hike at Deer Hollow Farm with T. Always great to hang with a person who has a nice laid-back approach to things. He is really enjoying retirement, and dayum, I need to start exercising my lazy ass, bc T is in super duper shape with an intense regimen of TRX, raquetball, kayaking, biking… Yeah, I was pretty much huffing and puffing the whole damn time. Ridic.

In the evening, I met up with K. We scoped out an acapella concert put on by a touring men’s group from Oxford University. I had gone to a college acapella competition a few years back at Berkeley, so I was expecting something very similar. Nope, totally different. I could have sworn my friend was jonesing to get the hell out of that high school auditorium, jam packed with swooning high school girls getting all up in the grill of these college (gay) heartthrobs. The weird thing is, in my head, I had a totally different expectation for how/what these guys would look like: goddamn, these boys were soooo young looking. Surely when I was in college, the boys looked more mature than this!?!?! Overall, the music didn’t really captivate me. While I knew most of the songs, nothing really compelled me to get up and groove. On the contrary, I did leave there feeling inspired to work on my karaoke singing!

Actually yeah, one kid did really win me over with some amazing beat boxing at the end. Shiiit, if only I had rhythm, I would be all over that, adding it to the bucket list and all. But at this point in my life, I know my limits. Karaoke is the best I can hope for in the music category. Beatboxing ain’t gonna happen. Like ever.

I finally got ahold of my grandfather today. My parents have been really bad about calling me during the day, and whenever I call the room, no one ever answers the darn phone. Anyhow, he’s doing well. He still sounded a little confused about where he was and what had happened to him, but physically he is gaining strength and eating by mouth. Unfortunately, Dad said there was some discharge coming out of his G-tube, so doctors are worried there might be an infection in that area. Even though he is eating by mouth and not using the g-tube, you can’t remove it until 6-8 weeks after insertion. Something about the tract internally needing to seal so there isn’t leakage…

My dad sounds insanely tired, and for some reason, my mom is staying at the rehab hospital overnight. My grandfather has been unruly, ripping tubes out and such, but still. What can they do for him overnight, while they themselves are exhausted and resting? My father says both grandparents are going to move back home with them after the rehab, but I’m skeptical. I mean, seems like the house would have to have some retrofitting, and my parents would need to hire someone with physical strength to help my grandparents get around. I dunno. Every time I bring it up with my dad, he says they have to first see how things progress. Personally, I think there needs to be a better plan with contingency options, but maybe my parents will also have to gauge their own capacity with providing eldercare. Just in case, I think I will have to do some research about transportation and physical assistance.

I have to say, my mind feels so cluttered these days. I am really sruggling with trying to stay motivated at work. Thank goodness for my peeps at the office. Good people definitely play into the overall equation.

Birthday Celebration

So I’m trying the whole NaBloPoMo exercise… Day 2 of the month.

Today, Bubbey turned 39. He’s been feeling a little down lately, grappling like I often do with how fast time has passed. I’m starting to feel a bit like a broken record, but seriously, it wasn’t that a long ago when we still felt like we had our “whole lives ahead of us.” Now, I feel stressed a lot, like there is a race against time. I only have so many more years left as a mobile and relatively healthy individual, free from arthritis, blindness, disability, senility, whatever. Yeah, every day we’re still trying to figure out this puzzle of how to “make it all count.” WTF.

My parents called today. Their elliptical FINALLY delivered, and the team assembled everything in an hour. Of course, now the thing is going to just sit there while my parents are on travel… oh well, glad it’s done and ready for use when they return. Winter back East sure has been brutal. School closures and shit. Crazy. Hope their flight tomorrow is trouble-free.

Bubbey worked from home today. I left the office a little earlier than usual to you know, pick up a card and get home in time so we could do something low-key and celebratory. We hit up a nice Italian restaurant right across the street from the theaters. Had an old man waiter, but boy did he hustle!! I was impressed with his attention to detail. After the meal, we arrived at the vacant theater about an hour before movie time. We thought about going home and coming out again, but we knew better, so how better to kill time than to play games at the arcade inside. OMG, every game takes like 4 tokens ($1) min to play. When did THESE prices happen? We did pinball and then a driving game, where I had no idea who was what. In real life, I’m an awesome driver (ha!), but shit, I was crashing left and right in this damn scenario. The whole fucking thing only lasted like a minute. Rip off. Ah well, I was then quickly distracted by DDR. Goddamn, I really suck. But heck, my 4 tokens bought me a damn good time. I had a blast stomping on those arrows, looking like a frickin’ fool. Goddamn rhythm. I hate you, but fuck, you’re not gonna stop me from having fun! 

When movie time finally rolled around, we watched the Will Smith film, Focus. Cool in that there were some bits about sleight of hand kind of stuff (for thievery), but the plot and acting were pretty bad. Bubbey is 0 for 2 now on movie selections. We saw Inherent Vice several weeks ago, and shit, I wanted to walk out so badly. Ah well, I did enjoy being one of 5 people in the movie theater tonight. And for once, I actually saw several trailers that seem promising. Fuck man. Nicholas Sparks is at it again, and this time the master storyteller is pulling out all the stops with a love story that involves a cowboy AND bullriding. Yup, no shame. Gotta see it. I mean, to be honest, as much as I love the Notebook, it’s not like I fall for EVERY single Sparks book or movie out there. He’s definitely had some duds in my book. That said, I have a good feeling about this one. It follows the same basic pattern as the Notebook with that little extra something, something. Haha. 

Well, right now, birthday boy sure is snoring up a goddamn storm. Who can concentrate enough to blog? Time to call it quits. More tomorrow, maybe.

Starting Anew

Ok, so I got a good bit of venom and negativity out of my system with that last post. Thanks for letting me vent. I’m starting fresh now. Did you know March is NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month)? I actually participated in this way back when in November 2013. Writing a blog post every day for a month was quite a challenge. Apparently, now the promo happens every month, but there are different themes. March is news, with prompts like this. Eh, so many rules to follow. I like to freestyle that shit. We’ll see if I can up my posts this month.

As things are already, I’m still taking that social media marketing class. It’s eight weeks total, with homework due Wednesday and Sunday nights. I actually just turned in my Week 6 homework a day early. Yup, I am on that shit! I actually wanted to have all of tomorrow free, because it’s Bubbey’s bday on Monday. Hopefully, by the time he awakes tomorrow morning, I’ll have an outline planned for our day. I know, I’m cutting it close, man! 

Today was a fun day. My buds in Fremont had us over for lunch and chilling at their new house. We hung out, cooked, played with their two little boys. It’s pretty funny, because I don’t have an affinity for kids and yet lately, kids have been seeking me out! My coworker has an 8 y/o girl. She came to my office last week to sell Girl Scout Cookies. I bought 5 boxes, and then while she was waiting for her mom to wrap up, she came back to my office and sat in the chair across my desk… and just sat there looking at me. Naturally, I felt compelled to start talking to her. Meanwhile, I had some cookies on my desk, which I offered. She proceeded to eat the entire sleeve that I had just purchased from her!! 

Funny. But uh, it was weird. I was thinking to myself: “Hey kid, you know I’m not into kids, right???” I mean, I don’t hate them or anything. I just don’t feel like a natural comfort around them.

So anyway, at my friends’ house today, their first born had me all out in the rain playing with him! Granted, he and I are pretty familiar: when I wasn’t working, I hung out with his mom regularly, so he’s comfortable with me. I followed him aboard his “ship” (i.e. the park) and we traveled down a chute to check on his legions of workers in the ship bowels (i.e. we stood on the storm drain and pretended to go down the chute) . Then he had me gather sticks and leaves to make weapons. That boy. He’s quite imaginative, and admittedly, I got sucked in.

I also had an interesting revelation today. I realized that as we and our friends are getting older, more and more, we all prefer to cook and entertain at home. It’s such a big shift from our 20s, when the thing was to go out. Like I remember in Shanghai, we had these friends who were an “older” couple (i.e. in their late 30s/early 40s), and they would always host elaborate dinners at their house, with dishes made from scratch and lots of fancy wine. J and I always felt so out of place, like who the hell are these swanky people? Why don’t we all just go out to eat at the restaurant? Now, more than a decade later, we’re like those people. I’m not exactly sure what’s changed. Maybe we have a different take on value? Maybe we’ve had far too many mediocre restaurant meals that it doesn’t make sense to go out and blow money on another dud dining experience? I dunno. Maybe there’s just something more comfortable/lower key about hanging at someone’s house. Partly, I like having my uke/Jenga/karaoke/liquor cabinet all in easy reach for me and my guests!

Ok, well clearly turning in my homework gave me a second wind, and now all of the sudden, it’s 2:15a. Time to hit the sack. Still no idea what I’m planning for Bubbey tomorrow. Guess I’ll figure it out after I wake up. 🙂 After my whole tirade, turns out I’m a slacker myself!

 

Valentine’s Day Foiled

Some days, I really wonder if J and I are being secretly taped for a bloopers show. On Friday, the boss let staff off work an hour early. Awesome. I thought I would go home to do some solo singing on my karaoke machine, but as soon as I got on the road, I decided to do the more responsible thing and hit up Costco instead. Surprisingly, Costco was ok when I got there around 4:30p. I went through the line, and then as soon as I got done checking out, I realized I had forgotten some key items. You see, I noticed this week that my post-NuWave procrastination had carried on long enough so I was determined to make my signature roast duck in the convection oven of our new range that evening. I’d picked up the fresh duck, but I’d forgotten the roti, which is an Indian bread that I use to wrap my Beijing duck. Since I was already going back in the store, I figured I would also try the new Hawaiian poke bar (where they sell long slabs of Ahi tuna!), and I also eyed a beautiful glazed pot of bamboo: Chinese New Year is next week after all. In the end, going through the store for those three additional items really cost me, because by the time I got back to the checkout line, everyone and her mother had come to Costco for that after-work run. Ugh, the cost of doing business.

Nonetheless, I got home and did a whole spread: salad, the poke, and my duck. After the longest 85 minutes ever, the duck turned out just so-so. No crispy skin and I dunno, just not as good as with the NuWave. Maybe I didn’t get the temps high enough? I dunno, but I was disappointed. Not only that, now I have to do another test run to get it right in time for Chinese New Year! Overall, the dinner still came out nicely. We also enjoyed a bottle of red wine. Afterwards, J did some work while I sang on my Singtrix.

As much as I want to master Lana Del Rey, I just can’t get the damn pacing right. Fucking rhythm, bane of my existence. J says Torn (Sixpence None the Richer) and The Way I am (Ingrid Michaelson) are better fits for my range. But those songs are so much less edgy and less badass. Sigh. I’m such a wannabe.

Around 10p, J’s sister and beau dropped of their dog. We’re watching him this weekend. The last time we had him over was Christmas, and I won’t go over what happened. All I’m gonna say is, he’s not allowed on the couch, and I’m not going to put up with any crying and whining. At the end of a seemingly long day, we hit the sack Friday night past midnight. I actually felt some anticipation for Valentine’s Day.

So as life would have it, none of us (including the dogs) got out of bed on Valentine’s Day until about 1p. In the middle of the night, J got a major case of diarrhea. Consequently, he was dehydrated, got a migraine, and suffered through sweats and chills. I awoke briefly when my alarm went off at 8a, but dang, my throat was sore as hell. Yeah, pretty much we decided then and there that V Day was cancelled.

The rest of the day was pretty much shot. I walked the dogs at the park in the afternoon, but other than that, I stayed home all day. I did homework reading and laundry and then we watched tv. The most disturbing thing from all of this? What the fuck gave him the shits? We ate all the same stuff, and I was fine. He says he just had some beef jerky earlier that day at work. So basically, it sounds like I slaved over making a nice dinner and then Bubs got the runs. FML.

The weird thing is, I had no issues. Then again, I don’t know how food poisoning works exactly. I mean, maybe he ate a bad piece of the poke tuna or a piece of duck was undercooked? I honestly don’t know. I had even used a frickin’ temperature probe!!

Whatever. Figures. While everyone else is getting their love celebration on, we’re holed up at home with issues. I swear this kind of shit only happens to us. On the bright side, it is a long holiday weekend, so I suppose Sunday can be a do over. I just have to make sure I get my homework done. Yes, I am in Week 4 now, and I am still meeting deadlines doing my homework. I can’t be helped. It just is what it is. Factor that shit in, man.

What else happened this week. Oh, my work friends and I hit up a play in downtown SJ. There were like 20 people in the audience, so that was a little awkward (though more for the actors than for me), but the play was good!! The story was about two programmer friends who both loved the same woman (she was married to one of them). Anyway, it hit on several interesting themes: the intersection of genius and madness as well as friendship, infidelity, love, neglect, attention… I was reminded about how loneliness can creep in even when you are in the physical presence of people. Human emotions and needs can be so complicated.

Bright Lights, Big City

J and I picked Tokyo to follow our Taiwan trip, because we wanted a place to decompress post family time. Turns out, Tokyo isn’t quite the right city for that, because navigation/travel is so much harder there due to the language barrier. Even the address system is really confusing: buildings aren’t numbered in sequence along the street nor are they numbered odd on one side and even on the other!! On top of that, my T-Mobile data package there sucked, and wifi wasn’t readily available either… We were there over ten years ago, and somehow we forgot about this difficulty. Haha. Regardless, we tried our best to stay positive ;). Next time though, we’ll have to pick a city that’s a little more plug and play.

So, what did we do? Mostly, we walked around and browsed. We hit a bunch of stationery stores, stuffed our faces (even though we had already done a food safari in Taiwan), and sang karaoke. Then, the three days were over in a flash! When we returned home, my neighbor asked if we’d bought any pearls or silks or this or that… I guess I’ve been on a major shopping hiatus. I mean, I got a few small items, and Bubbey got notebooks and pens, and we bought whiskey and macaroons for his sister and her beau (for dogsitting). Other than that, we left Tokyo (and Taiwan) mostly empty handed. I think more than anything, I just don’t want to deal with clutter and having to make space for more stuff (especially after seeing my cousin’s spotless place!!).

We had a great time though just spending QT together. Tokyo is so bustling and alive. I mean, NYC is probably the only other city I’ve been to that compares: so many people up and out really late– young, old, the combo of the two (including sugar daddies with their sugar babies). But it’s not all big city, bright lights glam. Cities also have that raw underbelly. I saw all the “salarymen” decked out in their nice suits, looking all slim and trim. On the flip side, Japan has a serious problem with people dying from overworking. Yes, there’s even a term for it: karoshi, which is basically death from exhaustion. And there are other disturbing issues with sexism, xenophobia, a population that’s over half seniors, not to mention an economy that has struggled for two plus decades… While there, I got all reflective and shit about the meaning of life and all the hustling. I know, see why positivity is so damn hard for me? I overthink shit, and my mind takes me down these depressing paths…

That said, Tokyo was a good reminder for me to cherish my time with people I love and to not take my work so damn seriously all the time. I need to lighten up. Hence, I just purchased a Razor scooter online. Haha, I plan to ride it around on campus to be at one with the youngsters. Actually, I kinda have a thing for wheeled contraptions. I do think it’ll encourage me to go on campus more. We’ll see how it all pans out. Ha![FAG id=7427]

Let’s Do This!

So on Tuesday, I was back on campus for another interview– this time with the VP of University Relations. Yup, uber big dog. I had prepped all this shit beforehand: reviewed the strategic plan, got the 411 on his career, reviewed the uni’s budget, values, mission, fundraising breakdown, etc. We met for ten minutes. He just had me tell him about myself and answer a few other questions. Done. Afterwards, I felt good but you just never know. Sigh. Come what may.

When I got home, I resumed reading up on all the news stories surrounding the controversy. Late Tuesday night, I found a new article dated that day that said the state of California was requiring coverage. Whew! California saves the day!! It’s kinda funny, because the whole practice of getting up to speed on the issue really took me back to my Feminist Majority Foundation days when I was writing their news stories and action alerts. You gotta do your research. I was in the zone, man. It was an intense several hours.

Then, this morning, I got the call. Yippee, I scored a verbal offer. But I had also prepared an outline to broach the issue. Yeah, I know all the experts say job search is like dating: leave out all controversial issues and topics. Well, in typical VG style, I was compelled to bring it up. It was stressful, hard, and risky. But I put my shit on the table, man. That’s how I am. She was pretty taken aback, and the tone definitely changed. But she shared her perspective and practice as a communications professional. In the end, she said it was my call. Given that the law currently holds strong, the uni population is super diverse and progressive, people generally love working there, and none of these topics will be on social media, I’m good moving forward. What?? Yeah, did you hear that right? I freaking got a job offer. And I accepted it. All verbal, of course. That said, at the end of the talk, she didn’t sound entirely convinced. I mean yeah, social media stuff is all fun and fluffy. Here, I just dampened the mood talking about politics. I went over a few of the other benefits. No wiggle room at all regarding negotiations. Then, I reiterated that I wanted to proceed. She agreed to contact HR for the next steps.

The rest of the morning, I felt a little uneasy. I think mostly I was coming down from all the stress of preparing and leading a risky conversation. Plus, even beyond the job hunt, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately (Martin is still not eating enough…). In the end, I talked out the job offer with some friends, a career adviser or two, another random person, and I started to settle down. I reached out to the director again in the afternoon, reaffirming my interest and also thanking her for giving me the space to speak my mind. After all, this is what communications is about, right? I gotta exercise my judgement and handle it.

John worked really late and came home around 9p. I was just getting off a conference call for my mastermind class about Leadership and Influence (John Maxwell book). I was just so exhausted from everything. But John said the sweetest thing to me. He said he was really proud of me and of all that I had done. He said earlier in the day while he was at work, he thought about all the people we know: who among them would have done all the things I did to get here? Who would have gotten up after facing disappointment so many damn times to step outside the comfort zone again and again? Honestly, I think my friends COULD do this: people never know their full capacity. But I was really touched by his acknowledgement. I think back to those days not so long ago, when J and I almost called it quits. We had fallen out of sync and stopped understanding each other. And now, through a little bit of good fortune and a lot of perseverance, there truly is NO ONE who knows me better. He really grasped the severity of this dilemma for me. Some people reacted with some exasperation, suggesting I was being too picky or too perfectionist with my conditions. Others thought maybe it was just a simple “no” and move on kind of decision. John never questioned why it troubled me or why this was important to me. His acceptance helped me to accept myself.

And in the end, as I worked through the conundrum, I ultimately arrived at an answer that aligns with me and my values. I feel good. Bubbey tells me now to embrace the choice and move forward with happiness and joy, in celebration of this major victory. My Bubbey. I am so very lucky to have found him– in a world of 7 billion people.