Out of Time

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So that sales/prospecting class is now in full swing. Aside from the insane goal of 100 real estate conversations/week, we are tasked with a full list of homework. In class 2, which was last Wednesday, the coach made a point of clarifying: this is not a training class; this is an intense coaching program of transformation. What does that mean, you ask?

Let’s just say, everything is being tracked. Number of calls, number of hours spent on lead generation, daily habits, number of people met, etc. We created a weekly calendar down to half-hour chunks. I mean, I have done some pretty damn intense things in my life, and I have to say, this is way up there. I feel like I am working or thinking about work from sun up to sun down. For real. And then the program has us broken into teams and if you don’t meet your individual goals, the team suffers. So there’s that.

Every damn day, I am waking up feeling tremendous stress and pressure worrying about how I’m going to hit my goals. I seriously feel like I am in that Justin Timberlake movie In Time. Thankfully, I met the 20/day goal Th, Fri, and Saturday but holy crap, it takes major hustle.

On Thursday, I realized that manually dialing people from a list was going to take for freaking ever, so I got set up with a power dialer tool. Basically, it’s a software program that automatically dials a list of phone numbers. I know, don’t hate. But holy cow, that tool is wonderful bc it allows me to quickly hang up on bad numbers, leave a pre-recorded VM on answering machines, and it just keeps powering through the list without pausing. Some dialers can call up to three lines at once, so yeah, technology is fucking amazing.

The thing is, I’ve had the shittiest luck with the cold calls. I have not gotten any leads, and true, it’s probably bc I’m not very good at it. For example, on Friday, I called into my team captain for 8am script practice. He and a colleague demoed a call and dang, the captain is good. I mean, assuming he can extend the call beyond the first ten seconds… he is smooth and super natural and persuasive. It’s an interesting revelation bc listening to him on the call, my brain tells me he’s just naturally talented with the confidence and persuasion. It’s that authentic. But then after talking to him and hearing him explain how he practiced daily for months and months, I realize that his fluidity is learned behavior. Every little bit is studied and practiced to the point of becoming natural… I know practicing does wonders but shit, I am still impressed. So, back to the scripts!

In addition to the calls, I did a few other “reach” activities this week. For example, on Wednesday, I found a sweet house in Almaden Valley to possibly host open for Easter weekend. I saw that it wasn’t scheduled for an open house, so I reached out to the listing agent to ask if I could host. She didn’t get back to me via email, so then I texted her. She’s covered, she replies. But it still wasn’t on the calendar. Maybe they were just going to take a break this weekend, or maybe she was reluctant to have me host? I don’t know. But then on Friday afternoon, she reached out to me and asked if I was still interested. Yes! When I spoke with her on the phone to get the property rundown, she was surprised to learn I was a newbie. She said I came across very professional. Hee, hee!

After our call, I called up some lenders to see if any of them had leads for me (another reach), and an officer from BOA told me she was holding a Loan Day at the local branch on Saturday. She invited me to join. So just like that, at 5pm on Friday, I was booked to table at the BOA on Saturday morning and then host the open house in the afternoon. Yup, skateboarding class got canceled. I gotta hit them stats!

Friday night, I was up late prepping and fixing my signs, and Saturday was a looong ass day. I wasn’t very good at tabling, but the open house went pretty well. The house was a beauty, so that helped. More deets on Saturday later. Needless to say, I was wiped by the time I got home. Too much people interaction!! I spent most of today (Sunday) doing homework, and I had zero real estate conversations. Hitting the sack now to get up early and start the countdown again tomorrow. Ugggg.

Open House Redux

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I forgot to mention that I did a repeat open house for 6447 Wellmeadow Ct. last weekend. I had a ton of cardstock flyers left over from the prior weekend (compliments of my loan officer parntner), and you know I can’t let that shit go to waste. So, I borrowed open house signs from a colleague and signed up to host another weekend.

My loan officer co-hosted with me on Saturday. We had one party of visitors for the entire 10 – 1pm shift. Meanwhile, my loan officer and I decided to “get to know each other” better, which resulted in me listening for an hour about how God has been his beacon and given his family strength. I mean, I have no issue with people who are religious. And fortunately, he wasn’t directly proselytizing but still, I’m not going to lie: it was a little awkward being an atheist and listening to someone talk for a long time about the power of his love and all.

The next day, Bubs accompanied me for the open house. Open houses are kind of a pain, especially bc you have to put out the signs (do I put it on this corner of the intersection or in the median or…) and then pick them up afterwards. Apparently, if you leave them out overnight, that shit gets stolen. Yup, and those babies are like $85-$100 apiece. For reals, who on Earth is stealing open house signs??? On Sunday afternoon, I got good traffic through the house– about 8 parties including a revisit from the guy who came the day before. I warmed up to welcoming and initiating conversations with the people, but boy, people can be pretty darn anti-social. I mean, I greet them on arrival, invite them to look around, and then try to touch base again before they head out. Pretty much, people try to dart out of there as fast as possible without saying a word. I mean, I’m not surprised: I have seen and even exhibited this behavior before but still. From the agent’s perspective, it’s frustrating.

Most of the traffic came from the neighbors scouting out renovation ideas, and pretty much every other person claimed s/he was already working with an agent. I just attended an ethics class last week at the realtors’ association, and it’s a huge no-no to engage with clients who are already working with agents. But I learned a tip from another lender: I can still hand out my cards in case if that person has friends/family who are needing help for real estate. Oh, secrets!

I’m going to be trying to host more open houses this month, at least for the weekends that I’m in town. Maybe I’ll even score something for Easter. Always hustling, I tell ya.

Shark or Clam

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Sorry for the long silence, I have been busting my ass. After my pity party last month, I resolved to do more and to do better. What does that mean, exactly?

For one thing, I signed up for a 7-week sales and prospecting class. Yeah, if you thought I was uncomfortable as fuck showing up at banks with popcorn gifts, attending random meetup groups, and reaching out to friends and acquaintances asking for referrals, that was just Level 1, my friends. For the class, we have to call people up (Yeah, who do you know who actually still uses the phone these days, right?) and do the drill/script. OMG, I was so freaking stressed about it. I stalled and stalled and finally only called Bubbey and a neighbor that first day. The goal for the class over the period of 7 weeks? 100 people PER WEEK. In other words, 20 new people PER DAY.

It’s an interesting predicament, bc that day, I experienced a total return of my previous social anxiety/paralysis from ages ago. It’s probably been over a decade since I made myself that sick with worry and stress over talking to people. After I got home from the first class, I cried and felt like shit. I rolled around in bed thinking, “I just don’t have it in me. I can’t do this. I don’t know how to speak the ‘language of sales’.” And then after a night of feeling completely paralyzed, I knew what I had to do.

This is the path I have chosen. This is part of the business. No matter how great I’ll be as an agent– managing the projects, keeping all parties in the loop, finding resources and studying the market, I will never get to that point if I don’t get clients. It all boils down to getting the clients.

I realized too that I was taking everything too damn seriously. I was hanging on every word, every pause, every statement. I didn’t like this or that or word choice… I mean, I can be pretty damn particular. But if I’m going to enroll in the class, I have to believe in their approach. I can have all my doubts and skepticism, but I have to at least try the exercises the way they are intended to be done. If I try and it doesn’t work, then I can do things my way, but I can’t be rejecting methods before even starting, you know?

It was really a moment where the rubber hit the road. I usually get so excited about learning new things, getting in on the trade secrets or whatever… I have always considered myself coachable, but am I really??? Hell, no. I was resisting like crazy. But I caught myself, and now I’m going to do something about it.

So now I’m trying to hit my numbers. I’m still incorporating a little bit of my style in doing things… for example, I am contacting people by email first and then following up with the call (that’s how I did my cold-calling work when I was at the fuel-cell company). I just like the idea of giving people some background/intro and heads up so at least they know who I am when I call. But shit, I’m going to follow the script and go from there.

At the trainings, my coach in the past has asked, “Are you a shark or a clam?” Clams get their food passively, by filter feeding. They sit there, hoping that food comes their way. On the other hand, sharks are bosses. They attack and take what they want. I am always amused by the analogies trainers use to motivate and inspire people. But heck, that shit worked on me. I’m a shark, goddamnit, and I’m going to start acting like one.

Life is Short

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Ok, I’m done with my pity party. That’s not to say my personal demons will not rear their ugly heads again, but for now, I am moving on. Life is too fucking precious to be wasted on feeling shitty about yourself.

My dear friend’s sister, Debbie Kennedy, passed away this week. I had only met Debbie a few times before, but I remember her radiant smile and indomitable spirit. And she was quite a badass too: G shared so many dramatic stories of Debbie clashing with their Taiwanese parents. Shit man, she always stood her ground, esp when it came to parenting disagreements: she knew how she wanted to raise her kids. I know, don’t immigrant parents just bring out the best in us?!?!? SMH.

Sigh. Debbie left this world far too early. She was a vibrant and animated soul and by god, she was a fighter. I am inspired by her strength of will and her strong love of family.

Yesterday, Richard Branson, responded to Alaska Airlines’ decision to cease the Virgin America brand, with a powerful letter. His last paragraph resonated a lot with me and reminded me of Debbie:

George Harrison once said, “All Things Must Pass.” This was the ride and love of a lifetime. I feel very lucky to have been on it with all of you. I’m told some people at Virgin America are calling today “the day the music died”. It is a sad (and some would say baffling) day. But I’d like to assure them that the music never dies.

Like the music, her spirit lives on. Rest in peace, Debbie. Oh and FUCK CANCER.

Consolation Prize

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Oh my. After another week of running around and putting myself out there, I just crashed and burned. Last Wednesday, Bubs flew back East again to visit his mom and take care of bidness. I went to seven trainings, met with more lenders, caught up with old colleagues, attended a few meetups, and hosted an open house.

I went to a bday party last night for my friend K at the university. She and the hubby just bought their first house: what a cozy and beautiful bungalow in Southeast San Jose! Some of our former colleagues were at the party, so it was nice to catch up. My former department restructured recently and some peeps I know got pushed out (sadly) while others scored big time reclassifications. Good for them.

Today, I had lunch with several engineering buds from the fuel cell startup. Between last night and today, I had a good time catching up with old buds from both workplaces but truth be told, after I got home, I broke down in tears.

I don’t really know how to explain it, but some days I just really feel like a failure. Don’t get me wrong: I am genuinely and sincerely happy for the successes of my friends. More pay, higher titles, opportunities for growth. Yay! I believe firmly in the idea of abundance: there is plenty of success to go around for all of us. But at the same time, sometimes I just feel shitty. You see, I want to be around motivated and energetic people. I want to be around movers and shakers– not bc those people are necessarily better people than others, but bc I feel a commonality and relate better to professional ambition instead of family goals (my fam is too damn dysfunctional).

So at lunch today with my engineering buds… I mean, they are just so damn smart. After all, these are the guys behind the chips and batteries and electronics and wiring in all the technology that makes modern living so fucking amazing: smaller and smaller devices; automotive innovations; medical devices that detect illnesses and deliver treatments to the ill; solar panels that are taking places off grid… We are talking about serious game-changers. And then there’s me. Still treading water, still trying to find my way: still trying to make myself useful and helpful. Still trying to change lives in some/any kind of capacity. Basically, still trying to rub two stones together to create a spark. I just felt so down on myself.

Every week I talk to my dad and there is nothing new to report. He tells me that building a new business takes time and anyway, I “don’t really NEED the money.” I mean I know he’s trying to ease my anxiety and impatience, but reminding me that I’m privileged, living in a luxury provided by other people doesn’t help. It makes me feel like shit. I don’t want to be given the consolation prize for success.

I’ve been pushing myself harder lately too. I was learning so much and I was feeling more confident and more comfortable talking about loan programs and reasons to own and whatever. I had toured enough open houses to add more touches to my hosting style to make the experience better and more informative for visitors. I was consistently updating my real estate blog. I was reaching out to people telling them about the resources I discovered… and nothing. I mean, some thoughtful and supportive replies but more often than not, no response at all. Do other people care about supporting/encouraging the success of people they know?? Probably not.

Meanwhile, I also attended the DTB meetup on Friday night. Had a nice discussion with a table of strong feminist women. Followed up with two people who had just posted to the group (so they are online). No reply. 

On Saturday, I went to the skate park for lesson 3. I’m still clunky as fuck but I’m enjoying learning a new physical (vs. mental) skill. The badasses seem to be skating faster and faster at the park so I’m having to dodge people everywhere. That said, it’s amazing to witness their tricks and mad skillz.

In other news, our contractor started on our master bath expansion last week. So far, he’s been punctual, experienced, thorough, and super tidy. I’m hoping he stays reliable and good. This week after Bubs gets back to town, the plumbers will start moving the water/gas lines to accommodate the new bathroom configuration. I can say that I’m a good project manager, but too bad I’m not earning any money from it.

Incidentally, National Puppy Day also happened some time last week. I scrolled through pictures of Remy and Martin and then started bawling my eyes out again. Yup, when it rains, it pours. I’m going to the hot tub now to calm the fuck down. I really need to get my shit together before the start of a new week.

Where is This Going?

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You know how every now and then, you meet people who are super cynical and kind of a buzzkill (raising my hand now)? So I mentioned before how I recently came across a name from my childhood on the neighborhood social media site, NextDoor. Mind you, I wasn’t stalking or digging around (though I’m not beyond that) at the time: I was simply trying to find the email address of a neighbor a few doors down, whom I had just met.

Anyway, when I clicked on the “Members” list, an alphabetical roster came up and I saw this name, let’s just say it’s “Adam Bowers,” except that it was kinda a specific/unique name. Long story short, I reached out to him, he is INDEED the guy from my childhood and we made plans to meet, esp bc we now live two streets away. So I just thought it was the most interesting story about how two people from the same neighborhood, same middle/high school, both with fathers in medicine (his dad was my pediatrician), went from that small hometown all the way across the country to the same exact neighborhood in California. I mean, sure there were other details too like about me having a minor crush on him and we were in the same calculus class, blah, blah. BUT, I thought it was just an entertaining story. So when we were over for dinner recently at our very next door neighbor’s house (the one with the little girl who used to walk Martin), I told my story. And the dad just said, “Yeah, I find that nothing ever happens after those meetings. You never stay in touch or become friends or anything.” Um, I mean, I have def had my share of Debbie Downer days, but geez, way to burst my bubble, right? Where are my positive friends G and T when I need them?

Fast forward a few months and AB and his fam finally come over for wine and snacks last night. Haha, that’s my newest thing now– no dinner, just wine and snacks. It’s so much easier than cooking a full meal. Anyway, AB is married and has two kids. We had a nice time catching up. It’s funny bc he was at Duke after I left, so he and his wife are both familiar with the RDU area. They both work in tech and moved to the ‘hood the same year we did: 2010. We talked about their kids and their activities. Then I was feeling like we are nearing the end of a good conversational run… then, AB saw my skateboard by the fireplace. Incidentally, he used to be a skater, and his kids now skateboard! And he takes them to the nearby skate park— the one I’ve been meaning to scout out so I can practice. So whatdya know, now we’re talking about going over to the skate park together with the kids. AB says there’s a half pipe and he skated on it recently and crashed big time. The kids at the park even came up to ask if he was ok. Haha. Guess it had been 20+ years since he skated, but he said some of it came back. So yeah, we’ll see if that moves forward.

Later, J told me: “Yeah, they seem like really nice people but since they have kids, they don’t really have free time or adult-only time so as our conversation with them progressed, I kept thinking, ‘where is this going?'” Jesus. Who are you, my next door neighbor? I mean, I know what he’s saying. Parents, esp modern-day parents who like attend every. single. kid activity, really don’t have time for much else. So I dunno: maybe we’ll end up checking in with each other in another 10 years. That said, I just like the idea of knowing someone nearby in case of an emergency or whatever. We’ll see.

Tears from Laughing

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I called my mom the other day. I swear to god, my peeps in Taiwan are nearly impossible to contact. Everyone has cell phones but they never answer their goddamn mobiles. And then the home phones never have fucking voice mail. It basically took me two days to finally talk to her. To my surprise, she sounds really good, like super energetic and chipper. She said she was having a blast with my aunt and her new feng shui friend: the other day, they laughed so hard, they were crying. Wow. For a joyless person, that’s pretty damn amazing.

Then she started telling me that my dad is too serious (i.e., he’s a buzzkill). He doesn’t know how to relax. I mean, yes, I have said the very same shit about BOTH my parents. And yet, I couldn’t help but come to his defense. I mean, hello, that’s what happens when people are burdened with a shit ton of responsibilities to take care of things for OTHER people!! Maybe if she and my brother could like handle their own shit, he could actually chill the fuck out! Seriously, I was reminded of John’s favorite scene in A Few Good Men, where Jack Nicholson is on the stand and he talks about people being such ingrates while they enjoy the freedom and protection that HE provides. For reals. Somehow I managed to voice it without annoyance, and my mother agreed that dad handles a lot…

Anyway, I’m thinking now that I may fly to Taiwan for a week after my dad gets his travel dates. I really hate visiting family, but things might be different with mom (and maybe dad) thinking more openly.  Plus, between my grandparents and my mom, mortality feels like a closer reality.

Striking a Balance

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I know I say this a lot, but a lot’s been going on. Shiiit!

Work wise, this month’s training calendar at the office was especially intense. I guess the higher ups were wanting to get people into the habit of working every day during the week… I dunno. It’s been good, but I’ve been getting frustrated by the crammed training room and wonky internet connection. Half the time, the classes are supposed to be available online and on the few occasions I’ve logged in remotely, the connection doesn’t work or some component is broken (e.g. no audio) or whatever. Then, even when I go in person, the broadband is super unreliable and when we log into sites for files or contracts, we can’t access them! In the beginning, I was patient about it, but now it’s really starting to irk me. I’m going to say something to the office manager: I mean, all of us are paying monthly “business fees” to use the office, so that basic infrastructure needs to fricking work.

Meanwhile, I’m wrapping up my lender meetings. In total, I reached out to almost 30. One lender invited me to an office event with a guest speaker. I figured since it was a Big 5 bank and the talk was over lunch, there would be food and refreshments. Not a damn. thing. I was pretty surprised, but Bubs says big banks are damn cheap. Ok, that sucks. The talk itself was good: the lady was a real estate economist, so she had a bunch of insights and projections about the road ahead. I’m feeling more comfortable these days understanding and talking about the real estate market and the broader economy. In this area, real estate is def going to get tougher and tougher to crack for homebuyers at the entry-level. With interest rates going up, the amount people can afford via a loan goes down, and since housing supply is also low, there is competition among buyers. In multiple offer situations, first-time homebuyers are going to be nudged out by investors and/or people who have stronger finances and therefore stronger offers.

Speaking of harder, John made a comment the other day that he didn’t realize the inventory in Silicon Valley is so tight. That means it’s going to be even harder for newbie agents to get in the game bc there are a bunch of agents, including experienced ones, vying for a limited number of transactions. Ugh. I’m def feeling a little frustrated but I just gotta keep pounding.

Incidentally, I finally put the majority of my contacts (though not all) into my database and I crafted intro messages announcing my new career, explaining how I came into real estate, and seeking referrals to my business. I reached out to probably 150 people, and I would say I got replies from less than 15 people.  I mean, the people who replied were incredibly sweet and supportive, but still zero leads.

And one ex-colleague I knew was planning to sell his house, but he has been hard to schedule meetups with for the last few months. Honestly, I feel like he has been avoiding me. He replied to my eblast and said it was well done, but then he made no mention of his plans. I was so upset by the obvious omission of info that I started crying. That’s the hard thing about sales. There’s a TON of rejection, and when it comes from people you know and people you hope would trust you and your work, it hurts.

One of my friends tried to tell me not to take it so personally: she says that guy’s so savvy, he might be someone to just do a for sale by owner. Still, I was disheartened even if I wasn’t completely surprised. After feeling sorry for myself assuming that he just didn’t want to work with me, I gathered the courage to just ask him flat out: What are your plans? If you aren’t already working with an agent, I’d love to work together. Then no reply for a few more days. I felt so down about myself. And then he finally replied that he and the wife were holding on to the property for another year. Still, no mention that he would use me when the time came…

But that just has to be enough. All I can do is work hard, build my skills, and make the ask. I can’t force people. Ultimately, it is their choice.

So see? I still struggle with these insecurities. Despite all the desensitization exercises I have done– putting myself in uncomfortable situations, dangling myself out there, subjecting myself to strangers and old acquaintances, testing my sociability, my likability, my attractiveness, my charisma, etc.– some days it really is exhausting, and I end up feeling lame. At 40, I def feel more confident and less susceptible to caring about what other people think, but still, there will always be a piece of me that worries about being competent, engaging, and likable… I think it’s human nature, no? I try to remind myself that I’m a good person who is genuinely curious and caring and helpful. But I dunno: I could always use a few mini affirmations to persuade me that I’m moving in the right direction.

Sheesh. All these mental weaknesses are such hindrances. They set me back and cause me to lose momentum, and WHY do I allow that to happen? My managing broker (the surfer dude) is an incredibly confident guy. To the people who don’t respond and don’t offer any support, he simply says, “Who cares? You need to find your tribe. Your tribe is people who believe in you– people who want you to succeed.” I suppose he’s right. And maybe with real estate, the people you mesh with don’t necessarily have to be your friends. In other words, your friends and clients can be the same but don’t HAVE to be. Yup, overthinking it.

Last week I met with a lender and her loan officer. I talked with them about various areas where I thought we could work together. Do you hold homebuying seminars or community education events? No. Do you host open houses with agents? No. Do you want to do any co-branded outreach? No. Ok then. I mean, how are they planning to retain and/or build clientele for purchase loans? It was a total waste of time. And God, I had been back and forth trying to schedule the meeting for weeks. All for nothing. And then at my office, I don’t click with any of the other agents on a friend level. So I go into the office like every weekday and there is no connection. I mean, I like the broker and I like my coach, but they aren’t really people you would go to lunch with or hang out on weekends. Dud.

Needless to say, I’ve been feeling a little frustrated, so I am turning to my hobbies again to try and regain some perspective. Skateboarding class no. 2 was fun. I am super awkward and clunky with my kickturns. Plus, the skatepark is totally overrun by a bunch of legit badasses zooming around all over, doing their tricks and stunts… Whatever. I enjoy focusing on learning something physical. Reminds me a bit of the focus/intensity I had when horseback riding. I want to start that up again. Too many interests!

 

Think Open

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Last week, Dad called me late at night sounding extremely unsettled. His sister had taken my mother to the brain doctor in Taiwan, and the scan results showed all kinds of plaque… I don’t remember what the specific medical terminology was, but it basically confirmed Alzheimer’s. The doctor recommended that she start medication immediately.

And then Dad ranted off about a whole series of things:

  • Already, a week in to her stay, my brother is hardly ever home, meaning my mother is home alone for large chunks of time. Johnny has basically gone off the deep end (which happened years ago), so he spends all his free time outside of teaching hanging out with the religious cult. My mother was attending some of the group activities with him– including facilitated meditation and some stretching/exercise classes– but on days when she felt tired, he would simply go without her.
  • According to Dad, J would also get mad at mom when she refused to go. Or, if she didn’t do the meditation while he was gone, he would chide her. But she simply couldn’t remember the full sequence of chants…
  • Normally, it would seem NBD for mom to be home alone. However, given the latest test results, my father is extremely concerned about her safety while unsupervised. You’ve heard all those scary stories about people with Alzheimer’s forgetting about the stove being on or leaving the house and forgetting how to get back home.
  • My father’s family introduced my mom to another lady who lives nearby. She started hanging out a bit with my mom, but she’s rather religious AND in sharing her Feng Shui knowledge, she immediately deemed the Taipei condo to be incorrectly laid out. She claimed the layout was the culprit for all their relationship woes with my brother. The recommended solution? Sell the condo. Yup, she did go there.
  • After the doctor’s appointment, as soon as my aunt took my mom home to Johnny’s place, he told her not to take the meds. He insisted that doctors/western med will be the death of everyone! He told them to trash the meds. Now THIS is where we have a major problem. My father is a doctor, and my brother declares that doctors are scammers. Drug companies are scammers. Meanwhile, my brother is selling deer placenta supplements, and he’s in a religious cult. My dad believes those ventures to be scams. So see? Constant conflict. I mean, how are these two people possibly in the same goddamn family, right? Having done my own research, I think both of Johnny’s organizations are multilevel marketing (MLM) structures. I’m sure he genuinely believes in the effectiveness of those pills. Still, I don’t like the coercive tactics I have personally witnessed, and I won’t ignore the dangerous and deceptive nature of those kinds of organizations that rely so damn heavily on recruits.

Anyway, I tried to calm my dad down by asking questions to get to the core of what’s bugging him. On one hand, he has always been on the protective side of things, but man, he was seriously freaking out. And he kept saying that he was trying to get all his tax paperwork done so he could get back to Taiwan.

I tried my best to break shit down into smaller chunks. Here’s the thing: Taiwanese culture is extremely superstitious and religious. For an itty bitty island in Asia, there are an INSANE number of temples (over 16,000 registered) all over the place. There are more temples per capita than any other country in the world. And those temples are all built from private funds, meaning the Taiwanese drop a huge amount of dough towards religion (Buddhism or Taoism or whatever). Yes, my brother seems more brainwashed than the average person there, but I’m just saying the baseline is still way higher than what we’re used to here in the US.

Second, same goes for Feng Shui. So fine, the lady tells us to sell the house. I mean, the house belongs to mom and dad. It’s still their decision. But I think Dad just doesn’t like my mom being in the presence of “brainwashed” people. Maybe he thinks they will influence her the way they have influenced my brother…

Third, the MOST stressful aspect of this is my brother telling mom NOT to take the prescription meds. In fact, he urged her to double her dose of deer placenta, which he incidentally sells! I know, right? When my aunt asked the doctor, he was skeptical about the deer pills making a difference, but he didn’t believe they would hurt. So for now, mom is taking both.

After getting the rundown, I finally zoomed into the core thing: Dad, we can’t control other people believing in religion or feng shui or deer placenta. We can only control what we ourselves think and how we can take care of mom.

The next day, I called mom for her bday. I was prepared for complete incoherence and craziness, but oddly, she sounded better than I’d heard in a long while. She was more energetic, more lively. And after I asked her about the events she was attending, she sounded fine. She enjoys the group meditation, even if she’s not fully entrenched with the religion. In other words she participates casually but more for the interaction and exercise than for the religious aspect. And she really didn’t seem that bothered by the feng shui lady either. It was like, she was ok with disagreeing with the woman.

Finally, to my surprise, she expressed no frustration about my brother never being around. She said she is def feeling better after taking the supplements for a month, but she’ll add the prescription meds and see what happens. Totally logical!

I asked how her mood was so good, and she said she just stopped caring. Say what??? Yeah, she just doesn’t care anymore. And she doesn’t want to be going back and forth from the US to Asia anymore. She even gave the ok for me to start downsizing their stuff.

We talked a bit about my real estate work. She and my dad have dramatically changed their tune in the last several months. Whereas before, they seemed super obsessed about me attaining professional success, they now tell me to give myself time and to take care of myself.

I told my mom to keep doing her meditation and exercise, bc those activities are good for slowing the mental degradation. And then I started to cry. Mortality changes things. I think back to last November when I swore I hated her. Even a few weeks ago, when she insisted on staying back in Taiwan, I was so annoyed. But since then, the medical tests are more conclusive, and time certainly feels more finite than ever.

She told me not to cry: Life twists and turns, and we must make the best of the hand we are dealt. I was so sad thinking about the path ahead towards an inevitable end, and yet, at the same time, I felt a strange tinge of relief. I am a daughter raised by two people who spent a lifetime obsessing about fixing all that was not good enough or all that was wrong in their lives. Their tenacity is a large part of their success, but it was also a huge part of their failure to attain happiness. At long last, they are letting go. There is a phrase in Chinese that translates to “think open.” It means to let go and open your mind. After seven decades with their thoughts and emotions tied compulsively tight, those knots are finally unraveling. Life changes in an instant.

A Week Ago in Baja

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About one week ago, we are just getting back from San Jose del Cabo. I finally got around to uploading our pics. Indeed, we were in a stunning place for a few days. And yet, J and I, being the Pu Pu Platters that we are, still found reasons to complain. I know, we are incorrigible. But I am inspired by my friends who are positive people: I’m going to focus less on the negative and just talk about the positive.

We had a totally sweet room– it was probably the size of the whole front half of the Houseboat. The resort also had like a gabillion swimming pools. Plus, our room was like 100 meters from the ocean. And our resort basically offer private access to the beach. My favorite part of the trip was Bubbey’s bday dinner at the onsite fancy Mexican-French fusion restaurant, Cafe des Artistes. When we walked in for our reservation, they asked if we were celebrating a special ocassion. Indeed, we were! After they found it it was J’s bday, they treated us to two complimentary glasses of bubbly, and then when we were seated at our table, they had decorated the top with a bunch of festive confetti bits. It was lovely. And the food/service were really impeccable. For dessert, they came out with a mirrored tray covered with goodies, a beautiful sugar syrup sculpture designed like a giftbox, and a little sparkler! Then, the wait staff gathered around the table and sang happy bday! It was just fantastic and I wish my pic weren’t so blurry (it was dim in there), but Bubbey’s face showed such delight.

Overall, I would recommend the spot with the caveat that the resort is indeed isolated. And the restaurants on site, except for Cafe des Artistes, serve western fare. If those don’t bother you, the facility and grounds are just gorgeous. There’s an onsite spa, live music at the restaurants at night, a huge kids center, a fitness center, plus freebie activities like yoga and mezcal or tequila tastings. Yes, we indulged in the mezcal tasting bc you know how I am about amenities. 🙂