Category Archives: Work

Professional Dev Update

OMFG. Thursday night already. Crazy talk. This week kicked off really well. I was in the city for an Intro to Salesforce training. I took the opportunity to contact one of the speakers for an info interview. He’s a rather higher upper too, and we’re going to meet for lunch  in June. Score!

I also reached out to some women from the Women’s Leadership Summit last week, including an Assistant City Manager and Deputy County Manager. Yup, I’m hitting the big dogs now. The Assistant City Manager was so kind and friendly in her reply too. I’m aiming high these days, and it feels really nice to get some response from busy people!

I caught up with my coach on Wednesday after a one-month hiatus. Last week, I had sent her a monster list of items I’d been working on… she says I’m in action even if I feel like April was a lost month. Yup, I guess that means I’m officially back on the wagon. I do feel like I’m hustling every damn day… even if there isn’t a job offer pot of gold there at the end of the rainbow yet. Maybe the rainbow is a lot bigger than I anticipated.

I had my County interview this morning. It went ok, but I was definitely a little disappointed. I dunno whether it was all the guidelines I got beforehand or what, but I was just a little off: not as sharp, specific, and on point with my responses. I guess we’ll see. I’m trying not to let my perfectionist/OCD side get the better of me after the fact. Ugh.

Oh, get this: while John and I were in Utah last Friday, I got a call from Duke. I made it off their wait list (just as I was ready to write the class off), and now I’m enrolled in their Nonprofit Management certificate program: it’s an 8-day intensive. Yippee!! I figure that at some point, I will work closely with nonprofits– whether that’s from the inside or consultant side, it doesn’t much matter: I’ll benefit a lot from understanding nonprofit operations better. I’m going to fly into Wilmington the weekend prior to visit my bud N, and then I’ll be studying full blast at my alma mater. I’m pretty excited. Already, I have spoken with several past students, and they all give rave reviews. I worry a bit about being away from home for that long, but I guess the boys will be ok.

Tomorrow I’m headed to the city again for another Foundation Center training. I tried to tie in some fun activities afterwards, but no one’s around really. Hmm, maybe I’ll finally touch base with my friend F again? I haven’t been in touch with her since her hubby C passed last year. Maybe I’ll shop for those elusive black flats/low wedges. I was so annoyed this evening, because two different shoes arrived via Amazon, and they are both shipping back tomorrow. Why are uber comfy, low-heel shoes (that are NOT boots)so damn ugly?? Also, when the hell am I going to bust out my awesome leopard-print heels? Yup, I got my priorities straight.

Nothing too excited planned for the upcoming weekend. Bubs and I are a bit pooped out, so maybe just some R&R.

Getting Back in the Game

Since we started this new month of May, I’ve been trying my darnedest to get my shit back together. For several weeks after Remy died, I had managed to appear outwardly fine and productive, but internally, I felt so sad and lost and unmotivated. But man, I had had enough of this downtrodden bullshit, and so I started telling my brain to get going again. Yes, I know, easier said than done– even if my mantra is “Mind over body.”

I resumed webinars and networking and social activities. I met up with my new BFF L last week. I was attending a tech meetup in SF, so we arranged to catch up beforehand for a quick dinner and a uke/harmonica jam. Turns out, he plays piano AND harmonica (which I actually have!). That’s the coolest thing about L: he’s pretty much game for anything. Random singing in a busy lunch spot? Fine. Bust out the uke and harmonica and cop a squat in Yerba Buena Gardens? Fine. Well, as it turned out, that day was hotter than hell, and I clocked a shitload of steps from Caltrain to our meeting spot across from the Gardens. And then the Gardens were totally blocked off to the public for some private MOMA event. Seriously? Then, he ran late due to work. I was thirsty as hell and really out of breath from all the walking (obviously, I’m totally out of shape now too). So we ended up grabbing drinks and appetizers at a local bar. But our conversation was great. He’s just one of those folks: we are just on the same wavelength. I’m getting to know him better, and I’m feeling good– like I’ve found another kindred spirit, and I’m optimistic that he’s a potential mentor. I remember in Sheryl Sandberg’s book, she talked a lot about how you don’t ever “ask” someone to become your mentor: it just happens. So I kinda have a feeling, but I guess I won’t be asking. We’ll have to see. But he talked about personality types (I didn’t even bring that up!) and leadership and nonprofit boards and communications… I felt really glad to have met him, especially given all the bullshit drama I’ve been feeling lately with some of my other friends. I mean, don’t misconstrue here: things are purely platonic, but damn, what a great feeling to make a new, easy, instant friend! I’m going to be in SF again next week, so we’re going to attempt another jam session. Haha.

In other news, my job hunt is going slowly but surely… The oral/written exam for the city at the end of April went fine. Pretty procedural. Thankfully, my round 2 interview was a lot more personable. I’m supposed to hear in a few weeks they say. And I’m also waiting to hear this week from an area county for a social media gig. Yeah, gov gigs but I’m still pushing the contract/unconventional job angle too…

Last weekend, I attended an anniversary celebration in Napa for Heifer International. A former coworker’s wife is an area manager for the org, and she introduced me to the executive VP of marketing. I was so stressed about my intro/elevator pitch in meeting the lady, but our conversation went great (not perfect, but better than expected), and I followed up this week with an email and LinkedIn connection. Tomorrow, I’m attending a Women’s Leadership Summit (I know, I am obsessed!!). I’m setting some new intentions to get my name out, pass around my biz cards, and hustle for contract communications/web gigs. We’ll see. I haven’t even figured out what I’m going to wear yet. Maybe my new dress with tights. Gotta be a power playa and all. I’m also considering busting out my new leopard print pumps!

Later this week, John and I are flying out to Vegas to hit a few national parks in Utah. Yeah, I’ve kinda been on a national parks kick lately. You know what they say: nature helps re-energize and rejuvenate, so that’s the plan. We’ve never been to Utah before. I got sucked in to their big marketing campaign on the Mighty 5 Parks. Love that website. We’re just hitting Zion and Bryce and then returning on Sunday. Weekend warriors. That’s the way we roll.

Comfortable with Feeling Uncomfortable

In a lot of my professional development and coaching work, there’s a phrase that comes up frequently: Learn to be comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. This concept has probably been THE theme of the last several months of my life. In the past, I had always prided myself for doing all kinds of self-help/self-improvement but honestly, these last several months have tested me at a totally different level.

At the end of April, I attended a training in SF on storytelling for nonprofits. The speaker was a very impressive woman with commanding presence. She was a former broadcast journalist who had started her own video production company, crafting video stories to help nonprofits promote their work. I had just busted my ass speed walking from the Caltrain station to arrive at the classroom on time, and within the first two minutes of starting the talk, she gave the audience an assignment. Think of a story you want to tell. Now split up into partners, and tell your story in two minutes.

Hold up!!! Are you fucking serious? Already, I’m being subjected to this socially awkward activity? Shit!! I mean, what story am I gonna tell? She gave us a whiteboard list of suggestions like, a pet story or a travel story or a relationship story or a funny story. Goddamnit, really? I thought of my blog: surely, I’d be able to draw from my recent posts…

Nope. Nada, because ALL of my posts from the last two months have been about Remy, and shit, there is no way I’m going to bring that up to a stranger and lose my marbles in the process. I started panicking. WTF??? Thankfully, the rational, calmer part of my brain started convincing myself: you say you’re interested in communications work. This is what that shit is all about. (In other words, serves you right, dumbass!!) Now, think fast and go!

Luckily, my partner was some old startup exec, who apparently had his startup story all ready to go at the tip of his tongue. So he volunteered to speak first. That bought me some time. He talked about attending a bunch of hackathons, cobbling together an unexpected/unlikely team of developers, and then forming a startup to solve some medical patient education issue. Done. I had wanted to use his talk time to plan my story, but I actually had to pay attention, so that plan totally fell through. Then it was my turn, and the only story I could think of that was NOT about Remy, was my airplane story with L. Ugh. I wasn’t really confident in that story, but I had zero time so I rolled with it. I got through the story and then sat back utterly relieved. Then, the speaker asks, “Who wants to share their story with the class?”

Whaaa?? Jesus Christ. Enough already!! Thankfully, a few extroverts piped up. Then, my partner volunteered to tell his story, which basically came across like a company plug. Then the speaker asked, “Who has a personal story to share? …Does anyone recommend their partner’s story?” OMFG, she’s a freaking insatiable badger!!! So I sit there thinking, whatever. I’m in the front row, but I’m not gonna volunteer, and my partner’s not gonna recommend me. Let’s just get through this and on to the meat of this talk. Well, whatdya fucking know? He recommends my story. Yeah. Are you kidding? So then, she urges me: “Come tell your story.” She senses my hesitation and then says, we won’t force you if you wish to decline. Well great. Give me an out that makes me look like a wuss!!! So fine. I agree to do it. She makes me stand up and turn around to face the room full of like 50 people. I power through. And all during, I get dead stares and bored faces. Shit, shit, shit!!! She rings the silly little bell at the two-minute mark, and I’m not even done! I finally wrap it up in 30 seconds. Fuck. I mean, I’m someone who “Elizabeth Doles” every speaking opportunity possible, so this on-the-fly crap was a complete nightmare. It was awful. I don’t even know if people liked my story, but whatever, I got ‘er done. And as perfectionist as I am (I still think about how I could have told the story better), in retrospect, I’m glad that I stood up and spoke. It didn’t kill me, and surely, as I do more of these uncomfortable exercises, I’m desensitizing myself to the annoying anxiety and awkwardness, right? I’m going to overcome that shit, because I cannot be inconvenienced, you know what I’m saying? 🙂

Remy’s Home Now

I’m not gonna lie: I’ve been a bit of a mess this week. My cousins went home last Wednesday, and I was already chomping at the bit, eagerly wanting to get back on my professional development wagon. But now it’s suddenly Wednesday again in mid-April, and I’m feeling a bit stuck.

I’m sure part of it is due to Remy. It’s been more than two weeks, and I still cry at the drop of a frickin’ dime. I thought I had processed most of it, especially after I made peace with the actual details of how she was put down, but I dunno. A part of me just feels so much grief and sadness. I have been trying to focus my energies on Martin, on the beautiful weather, on the promises of tomorrow, but I feel so alone without my little Bembo.

I met with my coach yesterday for lunch. She said I looked so well and rested (ah, the magic of makeup). Honestly, I’ve had trouble sleeping lately. Anyway, my lunch with her went ok: I told her about Remy and then when I got to my status update, I had a whole list of things that I had done since last we spoke. A hefty list, including training webinars and info interview requests and the upcoming: a job interview for an area city (web and communications gig), some meetups, lunch with the personality testing company contact… all good things and yet, I suddenly felt overwhelmed. Last August, I’d left my job to do something different, to move towards living a life that I love… Now, months later, am I closer? In our discussion, my coach suggested expanding my targets a bit more: read the Silicon Valley Biz Journal, look at the big, iconic tech firms here and see what they have with corporate social responsibility (CSR), etc. Her advice was nothing super demanding… I’d considered all those places before, and it probably was a good idea to circle back with some of those contacts, but for some reason, I just felt like my “dream” job was so far away. She said everyone she talks to wants to do nonprofit foundation/CSR work. I know the areas are extremely competitive, and it makes sense because people want meaning in their lives and at the same time, they want to earn a living wage. No 35+ y/o wants to be making $40k a year. I mean, let’s just be real. And I get all of that, but for some reason, yesterday was not the day to realize that the end goal was much farther beyond reach than I had thought. And the idea of circling back with people, of reaching out to more new strangers, of doing that whole “come be my friend” dance just made me feel so tired. I love cultivating relationships, and I’m good at it, but it takes a lot of energy. And then  I thought of Remy again: of how freakin’ little she ever asked of me. No matter what, she always thought I was great. What’s that saying? I want to be the person who my dog thinks I am.

I’ve never been averse to working hard, to doing my homework. But I think about the upcoming job interview, another social media job application that’s due tomorrow, and argh, it’s so much prep: learning about the organization, getting up to speed on their projects, studying up on the people, making the connections between my skills and strengths and their needs. The supplemental questions for this app that’s due tomorrow…. fuck, man. One of the questions asks, “In 140 characters or less, tell us why you are the best candidate for this position.” Totally logical question given the job, and yet, I am struggling. I mean, forget the elevator pitch right? 140 characters to say to someone, “Pick me to be your friend or to be on your team.”

I remind myself that if I’m indeed interested in more communications work, all of this is what it takes: ramping up super fast and cranking out content… it’s part of the job. Goddamn, just suck it up and get ‘er done!!

I’m going to need to write my coach and apologize for being such a buzzkill over lunch. For some reason, I made the dumb decision to pick up Remy on the way home. I know people in my community love my vet hospital, but Jesus Christ, when it comes to death, they really have to get their process nailed down. Seriously. I mean, first there was the euthanasia debacle where once we decided, it took them 30 min to come back into the room and another 30 minutes to successfully inject the poison. Dragged on. Then yesterday, I went to the front desk, paid the balance and then had to wait another 5-10 minutes to get her box of ashes. Come on! I mean, it’s already taking all the strength in me not to have a public breakdown, and then you prolong the process… I dunno if he couldn’t find the box or what. I was standing there for fucking ever!!! As soon as I got back in the car, the waterworks came on. The box is like screwed shut, and it has her nameplate on the outside. My new frame for the Remy print arrives tomorrow, and I’m thinking maybe I’ll just put the box on the highboy next to the print.

Later in the afternoon, I took Martin to the park, and we ran into the dog sitter. She expressed her condolences, and then asked if I was close to Remy. Huh?? I was taken aback, but I explained that I adopted Remy in grad school when I was living alone. But later, her question really bugged me… like the entire rest of the day. I mean, was it not apparent that Remy meant the world to me??? Did she not notice that I was always the one arranging for dog care; leaving notes and detailed instructions for her medications; researching special harnesses; feeding her special food; taking her to the vet??? She’s a good woman who means no ill will, and I know that in the end, Remy is the final judge. But shit, really?

So anyway, yesterday was pretty much shot. And now today is already more than half over. I’m going to take Martin to the park, and then come back and crank out this stupid application.

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Pushing Through

Wow, really? Two weeks since my last post? Hmm. Well, a few days after I last wrote, I spoke with my dad again. I know, sometimes I’m a glutton for punishment, right? No, actually he had called to update me on the broken water heater for his DC condo. He had been gathering quotes for a new unit, and two of three came back around $1200. Then, he called a third plumber (recommended by a real estate friend), and that guy quoted $600. Yup, mondo difference. What’s the lesson? Ugh, I dunno: I mean, is there really a “range” for home improvement and construction projects? Seriously, my friends in Seattle are gathering quotes for a kitchen remodel. The range on that shit is like $10k to infinity. I mean, I get that appliances and materials can vary greatly with quality, brands, consumer/professional grade, etc. But STILL. An unbounded upper end?? Totally crazy and yet completely true. So yeah, dad called to brag about his cheapie bargain.

Afterwards, he kept asking how I was doing. “No really, how are you doing mentally and physically?” Ugh, why do you keep asking me? I’m fine: I’m doing my job hunting still! And every time I talk with you or mom, you stress me the fuck out! I’ve been reading all about the process: clarifying my values, my skills, my targets; I’m working with a coach; I’m networking, doing info interviews, putting myself out there: this is a full-court press… But you keep making me feel like I shouldn’t be so selective, that I should never have left my job in the first place, that I’m desperate for money, and I should therefore take ANYTHING! I have explained to you my situation: John and I are on the same page, and yet every time I speak to you, you just don’t get it.”

And I feel so much worse after I talk to my parents. So then, dad explained that he and mom have different life experiences that cause them to have a different perspective. But they trust that I know my situation best, and I will make the best decision for me. In the future, if they say something that doesn’t jive with me, I should just ignore it. Riight. I suppose that’s been the advice everyone else has given me: can’t I just listen and then let it go? Apparently, I can’t. I feel judged and doubted, and it throws me into a tizzy. I don’t know why I can’t just let it roll off my back. Maybe I have my own doubts, so when they question everything, all that internal strife just stirs the muck again. I dunno. John said he was glad that I talked to my dad about it. He said I even spoke in a calm way (ha!!). Of course, I haven’t talked to them since. I’m not angry at them. I just have nothing more to say. Shrug.

Meanwhile, I’m still working with A, my coach. Last week, I was supposed to write a Pain Letter, in the style of Liz Ryan, my latest idol. She’s this super sassy HR professional who started a company and column called The Human Workplace. I’m obsessed with her approach. That said, I just couldn’t get myself to draft the Pain Letter last week. I suppose partly, I was feeling like I needed some additional credentials under my belt before I pitched myself to my target (a tech consulting firm)… so this week, I’ve been taking a ton of webinars on philanthropy, grantseeking, grant writing, proposal budgeting, and the like. My goal is to draft the pain letter this week. We’ll see what happens. I’ve been feeling a little stuck these last few days.

On a positive note, I sent out three more info interview requests. So far, I heard back from one: she’s a grant writer for water.org, one of my fav long-time charities. We’re going to chat in April. I also circled back with my bud L (from the plane) and my contact at the Salesforce Foundation. I need to reach out to her contacts to learn more about the new marketing department at the Foundation. Interestingly, I got an email last week from C, the guy who works at the personality testing company in Mountain View. His timing was pretty crazy, because I had just jotted a note last week to check in with him!! We were last in touch before the new year! Now his company has two new job openings, and he thought of me!! I’m pretty excited. I’m going to apply– it’s a corpo branding job, but I’m keen on the opportunity. It could potentially be a dangerous concoction: unlimited access to personality/leadership assessments. Muhhaha!

What else. I went to a networking event on Tuesday, and the people I met convinced me to make a business card. This, after John and J had an entire conversation disparaging the antiquated use of biz cards. Oh well. If my target area is marketing and communications, that kind collateral matters, you know? So I just blew two days trying to create a card that would best “represent” me. Ugh. Yup, talk about OCDing on words. Even down to the job title and other slogans on the card… Seriously, how do I capitalize on all these messaging tools to convey my coolness, er desirability?? See why I’m stumped? Fuck man. I swear, everything in life goes back to trying to make a great impression and trying to be well liked. Pick me!! Be my friend!! It’s exhausting. I mean, on good days, I enjoy the challenge/gamification element of all this, but still. It’s a lot of frickin’ work. My brain is tired.

And on my down time I’ve been giving some thought lately to just how pervasive pain and struggles are to people everywhere. This L’Wren Scott suicide. The Paltrow-Martin divorce. Sorry to use examples from the cultural elite… I guess I’m just using them for simplicity’s sake. But yeah, people always say “You are not alone…” as if that’s supposed to offer some kind of consolation. I actually hate it when I discover how widespread and indiscriminate misery can be. I want more people to be happy; fewer people to be miserable! For example, one of my favorite bloggers… God, I love the way she writes. And from her Instagram and photos, she seems to have such a glamorous and fabulous badass life (especially well-deserved after such a shitty past). Every time I read her posts, I think to myself: “Goddamn: this girl’s got a super smart, good kid; a wonderfully supportive and understanding hubby; a stable/posh life; superb fashion sense; plus her killer writing… Life is good!!” And then, she reveals that 2013 was an especially difficult year for her, because her depression resurfaced. Say, what?? Part of me can’t help but feel sad: why can’t life be just as it appears? Is that naive of me?

Today I was thinking that I might write her. She lives in LA. Shit, thanks to all these info interviews, I apparently have zero qualms now about contacting strangers.

Self Doubt and Shame

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly things can change in less than 24 hours. I was feeling ok about the city job that didn’t pan out, and then last night, my parents called. And my dad wasn’t trying to make me feel bad, but he said something like, “It’s ok you didn’t get the job, but maybe next time you shouldn’t have so many conditions. Maybe next time you negotiate later.” When I told him about my info interviews and how I was meeting amazing people, he just asked, “Do they have job openings?”

John did have a similar comment about my timing with the city: maybe get the formal offer first and then once they have convinced themselves they want you, you’ll have better leverage. Because, even if they like you, if you are not the path of least resistance and on top of that, maybe you are overqualified for the job (They wanted 3-4 yrs of experience; I have closer to 8 yrs.), they just will pick the lower hanging fruit. After that, I really felt like I fucked it up. I mean, I had been reading all these things about having a “human-voiced resume” and just communicating with people honestly and reasonably… The interview process really is about you interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you. So I felt like voicing my concerns– asking about wiggle room on the rate and asking for a training/education budget and asking for time-off while my cousins would be in town from Taiwan– was fair. I wasn’t making demands, but I was asking for them to discuss it. But maybe they thought it was too much trouble. And so my parents’ comment just triggered an entire cascade of fears: that the longer I’m unemployed, the less marketable/worthy I will become…

John’s been working really hard lately, so he tried to comfort me after the call, but then he fell asleep. I started really beating myself up about the opportunity that I fucked up. So what if it was doing social media/government content, maybe it really could have evolved into something amazing…  Who do I think I am that I deserve to be so selective? Who do I think I am, like people should fight to hire me? I was suddenly so overwhelmed by these negative thoughts, and John was totally conked out.

I started grasping for all the coping techniques my coach told me about: I played the uke. I went for a walk. I kept telling myself that if I just wanted a job just to keep busy, what was the point of my entire process? The whole night, I just kept battling these negative thoughts back and forth. And then I reminded myself. I’ve been learning so much these past several months. I have pushed myself beyond my comfort zone so many times to learn and to grow. There are unconventional workplaces out there. Like Good.co… I just got an eblast from them this week about how to relight the flame at work, or if that doesn’t work, how to tell you need to leave. I was reminded of why I had left and what I’m now seeking. Sure, maybe no where is perfect but surely, there is something better. And so somehow, after a rather restless night, I have returned to recommitting to this process again. I have a fresh list of new people I want to contact, and I’m feeling more drawn now to the tech consulting path… I will still apply to a wide variety of opportunities, because to me, there is value in the exercise and you never really know what might crop up, but yeah, I won’t settle into stodgy, conservative ways of living and working just because I feel moments of shame and self doubt. When it comes down to survival, I will do what needs to be done, but for now, I still have choice and I choose to get back on the wagon and stay the course.

Sticking with the Program

I’ve been feeling pretty good these days– mostly. And yes, I still credit the 7-Minute Workout. Job-wise, I’ve had a couple of setbacks. One of the family foundations turned me down last week. I was pretty bummed about it, because the content felt totally up my alley, plus I had a contact there. But it was a no-go. I kinda had some doubts after the phone interview, to be honest. Then this morning, I received a rejection email for a city social media job. It was kinda an underdog, because I wasn’t really intending to return to government work, but then I met the people and really liked them. I actually thought the interviews went phenomenally, but I dunno: it didn’t pan out. The good news is that my competitive side isn’t so hardcore that I’m completely crushed. I mean, I’m definitely an “in it to win it” kind of person, and so a part of me wonders what I could have done differently to change the outcome. Maybe it really was something small– an error with my timing, wording, language, etc. With the foundation gig, I emailed the director asking for feedback. Nothing. I did the same with the city. Probably nothing. It’s really too bad– kinda again shows the lack of humanity in the whole recruitment process, if you ask me. Anyway, moving on.

I am finding that dealing with rejection does build resiliency, so I guess that’s the silver lining in all of this. John likens job hunting to sales: so much of it is about the numbers. You really have to knock on a shitload of doors, have them slammed in your face, and then eventually, you score a win. My coach asks if I can trust the process and understand that this only means there is something bigger and better out there for me… I waver back and forth really, but even if I have my doubts, I have no choice but to carry on.

So, I’m still doing info interviews like crazy. I’ve done about 25 of them now. Super helpful. I’m meeting tons of incredible women. I think I’ve fine-tuned my ask now to the point of being pretty damn compelling. People hardly say no to me now. Muhahah. Seriously, I sought out five strangers recently, and they all agreed to meet!! In fact, today, the lady invited me to her fancy campus to have lunch. She said she gets tons of requests, and she just recently did six info interviews. From my email request to my face-to-face meeting, she said her experience with me really stood out above and beyond the rest. From the way I crafted my letter to the research that I did ahead of time to the type of questions I asked… she’s a Ph.D. in writing and rhetoric too, so her compliments definitely made me feel better given the earlier crap news.

What else. I finished my Coursera class on How to Change the World. The prof was so charismatic and inspiring, I think I developed a mild crush even. Haha. I’m still doing a lot of learning, reading, and research. I pretty much get inspired every damn day now that I’m living with intention and you know, doing all that hippy dippy “ask the universe” shit.

Setting Intentions

The last few weeks have really illustrated to me the power of setting intentions. As you know, in early February, I started working with a coach, specifically for my job hunt. Honestly, I was very skeptical and reluctant in the beginning, but holy shit, I can truthfully say, big things have happened since. First, I can’t even express how debilitating my catastrophic thinking had become. It was still in fits and spurts, but man, when it came on, it was paralyzing. I still believe so strongly that my year-end sickness/depression/funk were all attributed to my poor mental state. Learning to re-train my brain a bit in how it reacts and responds to negative thoughts has been a total game-changer. Second, there is really something powerful about accountability. I mean, I consider myself a fairly disciplined person. There are some exceptions, but generally, when I say I’m going to do something, I follow through. With coaching, we establish a list of intentions (action items) every week, and I have to say, even with my discipline, there have been weeks where I came close to NOT completing my action items. Were I on my own, those items would’ve just moved to the following week. But with my coach, a few days before my next call, I go through my list and really force myself to get it done– almost like a homework assignment or something. The pressure of calling her and saying that I didn’t finish my homework from the previous week is so great that I will work on those info interview requests late into the night. No matter what, I meet that deadline. Third, the power of intention. Really. Who the fuck knew? In the last several months, I’ve been going to networking events, trainings, and conferences pretty regularly. As someone who used to have extreme social anxiety, I felt like I had pretty much conquered that limitation years ago. So my mere attendance at these events was already many small victories in and of themselves. But my coach asked me, “Do you want to set an intention for this upcoming tech meetup? or this conference?” Say what? Wasn’t it enough that I was going? Nope. By her question, I realized that I had gotten complacent with these events. I thought just showing up was sufficient for getting what I needed out of these things, but that wasn’t true. There was so much more there. So for the first tech meetup, I set an intention to 1) ask questions publicly during the talk and 2) make a real acquaintance. I talked to a lady who did communications work for Sierra Club. Super cool chick– someone I hope to see again at the next meeting. Not immediately useful per se, but she was a learner with really good political savvy, which I found insightful. Second, I managed to ask TWO questions during the talk. It was weird, but by going in with the intention of asking questions, it really kinda forced me to listen better and to concentrate, and it was really kind of liberating to get over that intimidation and just get involved in the discussion. So different!

So then yesterday, I went to a women’s leadership conference. I hadn’t really set an intention for it other than to go, learn, and be inspired. But over lunch, my friend L asked what I was wanting to get out of the event. And it just reminded me that really, I should have set an intention beforehand. So after lunch, I thought yes, I really should make some contacts. When I got back, I happened to sit next to one of the morning session panelists– a former journalism professor and current communications head at LinkedIn. She was a sharp lady who had a lot of really good points in the discussion. Just as she got up to leave, we made eye contact and then, I talked with her (again, not my usual MO). We only exchanged a few lines, but I thanked her for the session and said I really admired her courage in transitioning from tenured journalism prof to comms work at a startup. It must have been scary but also exhilarating. And then I gushed a bit about LinkedIn and how much I use it… Late last night, I sent her a connection request and bam! Now we’re connected, and I even think I would feel comfortable and confident enough to contact her again to do lunch. See? Isn’t that just crazy? For me, this is so in line with what I’ve been reading about with networking and connections… And yet I see now how I really had been holding myself back for so long without even realizing. I mean, I talk so much about how much relationships matter to me, how much communications matter and yet, I had already erected so many walls thinking that these humans wouldn’t want to interact with me because of xyz. But isn’t communications all about transcending those barriers? In my interviews, I talk so much about using tech to give sterile agencies and organizations an authentic, human voice to connect people both online AND offline because at the end of it all, progress and collaboration need real human connection.

I will always have a preference for written communication, and I will continue to feel reluctance and doubt and nervousness with strangers, but at least now I feel confident enough to move forward face-to-face anyway. And that’s been surprisingly liberating.

Networking Frenzy

Now that my energy levels have returned to normal post-sickness (no mid-day nap needed), I am ramping up the job hunt like nobody’s business. Seriously. Four info interview requests (mostly to strangers) every week. Plus tech meetups. Followups. Webinars. Occasional ranch work tracking shit down (it’s starting to annoy me)… It’s pretty non stop, but I find it quite energizing. With all this outreach, does this mean I really am an extrovert? I dunno. I do have a way of turning goals into games…

It’s pretty funny, because on my coaching call last week, I was telling A how I sometimes feel really discouraged and dejected when strangers don’t respond to my requests for info interviews. I would spend all this time scouring LinkedIn for interesting people/companies, then I would research them, and try my best to draft a compelling email. I mean, at its essence, each request is basically a message of: I think you’re really cool. You’re working on amazing things. Do you want to be my friend and meet for coffee? Right? That’s pretty much the gist. So when no one replies, it’s like not being picked to join someone’s team in PE class. You know? I was also telling A that, even though I was reading all this job hunting advice about trying to contact hiring managers directly, I felt a little embarrassed aiming for the higher ups– people with real decision-making power. They might be really busy people, and who am I? Some nobody asking them to spend 30 minutes or an hour of their time? If, for example, I picture John’s face in place of these people, there’s no fucking way! His office is so chaotic and stressful. He doesn’t make time for strangers, right? So I was mostly reaching out to mid-level, non-supervisory people. I mean, they have all been super helpful still in providing information about culture and interview processes and things like that but… they are also less likely to be in a position where they can say, “Hey, this person is cool. We should work together.” Or, “I know someone she could work well with at XYZ company.” After hearing this, my coach reiterated that I indeed have a confidence issue. So, I was advised to write down every single accomplishment that came to mind from high school til now. She insisted that once I looked over my lengthy list, I would realize that I can talk to these people intelligently, and that I do have valuable knowledge and insights to offer.

So like a total nerd, I started the assignment. And though it’s a work in progress, I came up with only ten accomplishments for each phase: high school, college, grad school. Don’t you love how I break down my life into academic periods rather than say, 20s and 30s or even geographic locations? Needless to say, the list wasn’t helping. Hmph!

Then last Thursday, I boarded the plane to PHX. And holy shit, the craziest thing happened. I sat next to this guy in the front row. He helped me cram my uke and bag into the overhead bin. He just said a few things to me, but his tone was really friendly. He asked about the uke, and I answered briefly. Then, I posed this scenario to myself as I sat there next to him. I could A) respond as minimally as possible, which is my typical MO, and withdraw to myself, i.e. put on my headphones or B) I could share a bit more than usual and see where the conversation might go. So for the last year, I’ve been essentially studying all these things related to communications: social psychology, social intelligence, leadership, relationships, body language, positive thinking, going beyond the comfort zone for personal growth, blah, blah, right? A ton of “hippy dippy” stuff as John calls it. In that moment, I recalled a few of the info interviews where people admitted that they had actually scored their current jobs serendipitously. So I picked option B. Long story short, we had a lot to talk about from ukulele to music to serving on nonprofit boards to leadership development to communications to startups… Funny thing, he regularly travels to MD, FL, and lives in CA. I grew up in MD, went to grad school in FL, and now live in CA. Kinda weird, right? We chatted the whole time, and he was really engaging. I got his contact info, and then later, when we connected on LinkedIn, I saw that he had over 500 connections. Who does that?!?! We’re going to have lunch next week, and already I’ve joked that I may never need to interview for a job again, if he hooks me up with his LinkedIn connections…

In other exciting news, I had my first interview in over six years yesterday– a government agency social media job. Of course, I studied up beforehand, and then I set several  intentions to stay calm, to speak more slowly, and to frickin’ calm the fuck down. To my surprise, I actually rocked the interview. Shiit! I mean, in retrospect, there were still some areas where I could have responded better, BUT there were 5 panelists, 8 questions, and only 30 minutes for everything, so given the situation, I was super pleased!! Yay. And today, I found out that they were pretty pleased also: I got called back for round 2 next week! Yeehaw!! The agency definitely seems like a cool place to work: their tech work is pretty adventurous and cutting edge, and there’s a sizable team of social media/digital communications players, which demonstrates some decent buy-in. That said, the position offers NO benefits, and it’s only budgeted for one year with the possibility for renewal…  eh, we’ll see what happens.

I also scored several bites with my info interview requests to strangers last week!! I know, I’m on a roll!! I think I am fine-tuning my ask to something pretty polished, because my yes rates are high! So I have an info interview tomorrow on Sustainability work at Intuit, a meeting next week with Salesforce Foundation, and a yet unscheduled meeting with a tech consulting firm. The universe is answering me, right?? Pretty exciting!

Curious Questions

I was out of town for a few days last week. My girlfriend G and I met up in Phoenix to hang out and soak in some rays. Truthfully, the weather here has been pretty warm already, but poor G. It’s frickin’ 40 degrees and rainy in Seattle. Yeah, PHX was soooo nice: I mean, who can resist radiant sunshine and 80-degree weather? Ahhh, I am re-experiencing the awesome heat right now as I visualize the vast, desert landscape full of cacti. Goddamn, that was an great trip!

Admittedly, the vibe started off a tad neurotic because two days prior, I received an email from my contact at one of the foundations where I applied for a position. He mentioned bumping into the hiring manager briefly at the office, and then he wrote, “It’s probably best to touch base by phone.” So just to give some context: In the last several months, as I’ve been predominantly unemployed, I’ve struggled a bit with some confidence issues. I’m one of those people. Even though I participate in a lot of activities and interests outside of work, my work is ultimately what defines me. And maybe this is because I don’t have kids? I don’t know. Needless to say, I’ve had many bouts in the last several months where I’ve just been overcome by self doubt. So because his message didn’t specifically say, “The hiring manager thought you were awesome in your phone interview,” my mind immediately went down this path of catastrophic thinking. Yes, that’s what my coach calls it. And seriously, it’s bad. Like I started saying things to myself like, “I’ll never work again; no one will ever hire me; I don’t have anything to offer to world; I’m an unskilled person; I’ll never achieve professional success”, blah, blah, blah. Like I said, dra-ma queen. So after I received the email, I immediately started harassing John and G about all the hidden messages to this email. I was trying my best to apply all the tactics my coach had advised to combat catastrophic thinking (pick up the uke; ask if those statement are really supported by past experiences; breathe deeply; tell yourself a positive story to explain the email…), but shit, none of it was working! I was convinced that he was going to deliver bad news and wanted to let me down easy over the phone. Then, I had the call. And he was the coolest mentor ever! He asked me how my phone interview went. I rattled on about how I hit the big highlights, but shoulda/woulda/coulda mentioned some other things. Then he just gave me some advice on how the hiring process typically works for his department. He didn’t know for the department to which I was applying, but at least he shared from his perspective. Also, prior to this call, I had felt that our relationship was really formal. He had only really seen my work when I presented at board meetings and such. Otherwise, we had very limited interactions, but something about the call just made our relationship gel a bit more. I felt really comfortable and honest, and in the end, I was just so grateful for his insight. He said he really wanted the organization to hire good people. And that one statement just did wonders for me. I know, this whole time, John, my coach, and my friends have been reiterating this, but I always dismissed their words because I felt it was biased. They already loved me. How could they say anything NOT supportive? Somehow hearing it from someone a circle  or two out made it more real. I know, sorry to John and my friends. 🙂 I don’t know how to explain it, but it was just that tiny little boost that I needed to feel better again.

Since then, I still haven’t received news on the job status, but I’ve given myself some distance with it. I still feel like it’s an incredible fit, but I also feel that if somehow the hiring manager doesn’t see it that way, I’ll be ok. There will be other opportunities. Do you see how massive a transformation this is from my previous position? Yes, I have been all over the damn place, right?

As for the trip itself, it was great. G is doing really well. Time spent with her is always entertaining, especially because she’s super inquisitive. It’s just her style… I think it’s part of her analytical/scientific brain. Anyway, it’s always fun fielding her questions, like “What’s your favorite family vacation?” or “What are the most important things you learned from your parents?” or “If you were to meet John today, do you think you would get together?” Haha, yeah, questions that actually require some thought. I did find it rather interesting that my responses re: family tended to be pretty Debbie Downer. I mean, I’ve come such a long, long way but still. In comparison to G and her overflowing optimism, I basically just remember traumatic, bad experiences. The good ones mostly get stashed away, never to re-surface again. Even in the way I handle memories… I rarely like pictures with me in them. Scenery or objects are ok, but pictures with me or of people actually make me sad. Anyway, I learned some more things about myself from her interrogations.

We did a lot in our three days: pool time, shopping, a play, the Music Instruments Museum, and the Desert Botanical Garden. Both of the latter were really top-notch attractions. I would even take Bubbey next time! G says she wants to move to AZ. Uh, given the politics, I don’t think that’s a good idea for her, but yeah, maybe an annual vacation destination is more reasonable. Check out our select pics below– again, just a few with people. That said, I sure had a blast jamming on all those instruments in the museum experience gallery. I want a xylophone!!!
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