Category Archives: Work

Screwy Sleep Schedule

So I am back on a program, attempting to get my sleep back on track. The elements for this program include: melatonin, Sleepytime tea, and lavender on the soles of my feet. When I finally do doze off, the quality of rest does seem a step up from before, but I’m still only clocking about 5-6 hrs/night. In other words, I still feel tired all the damn time.

Certainly, my allergies are to blame big time. They’ve been driving me crazy the last several weeks/months. Usually, I’m totally set just doing the nasal saline rinse twice a day. Now, I’ve added oral meds to that, and I’m still super congested. I started running the HEPA filter, and I may have to reintroduce prescription nasal spray. Seriously, what a fucking pain.

Last night, I awoke at like 3:30a and could not fall back asleep. When that happens, I clock in more screen time. Suddenly, by 4:30a, I was super chatty, so I started talking to Bubs (who was still sleeping), telling him about all the latest news and shit I was reading. We then talked about trying a new breakfast place later that morning, like when they opened at 5:30a. As Bubbey started waking up, I got really tired. Yup, story of our lives: we are always on different schedules. Shrug.

I ended up sleeping til 9:30. Then we checked out the breakky spot around 10. Just so-so. At 11, we met with a contractor to review his proposal for renovating our garage. Uh, total sticker shock. I am way too cheap for a contractor. I understand the value of having someone else manage the project and wipe the subcontractor’s asses and such, but fuck. Not for $20k!! Shit. That’s for a bare bones, insulated garage with just electrical and sheet rock drywall!

The good thing about the meeting though is that it finally triggered some action. For the first time in FIVE years, we actually spent a couple hours this afternoon cleaning out the garage. Goddamn, I am a recyclables hoarder, for realz. Tons of product boxes. I finally collapsed everything and separated out the plastic film from the styrofoam from the cardboard from the trash. Turns out, only one place recycles styrofoam, and that shit costs $5/trash bag! My entire car was loaded to the brim with styrofoam. Thankfully, that shit is FINALLY gone. I also posted a ton of crap on the neighborhood list. We’ll see if I get any takers for crab pots and a fireplace tool set and random crap. To be honest, my expectations are way low. I mean, my stuff isn’t exactly in mint condition, and pretty much most people we meet are way neater than J and I, so our crap will likely be too dusty/dirty/old for them. We’ll see though. Worth a try.

Btw, I found my point and shoot camera. Thank goodness. I swear I lose that fucking thing every other month. Need to put a tracking device inside. I really miss taking pretty pictures (kinda requires pretty places), and even though the iPhone cam is impressive, my Lumix cam still does a better job. Just need to find interesting things to photograph.

What else. I booked my airfare and hotel for my social media conference in Miami at the end of April. I’m going to try to hook up with my Mommy Mafia and BlogHer buddies (and maybe my bud N from NC) while I’m there. I also booked tickets for the Women in Publishing conference later this month in Berkeley.

After my work’s one-day campaign is over in mid-March, I feel like I deserve to be inspired again. Hopefully, work will cover the ticket for this conference. If not, whatevs. I’m going regardless.

Tomorrow is going to be another exciting day in the life of the VG. I’m going to be occupied again with homework. Fortunately, this week’s topic is social media advertising, so I’m happy to learn more about it, especially in time for the big campaign. Btw, I was asked to speak at a division meeting on Monday morning about the social media plan for the campaign. I pretty much received zero notice: just a light/casual mention on Wednesday night and then actual rough details on Friday morning. For a Monday morning meeting, mind you. Nice. I’m a little nervous bc it’s a big group, but I’m not too stressed. This ain’t my first rodeo, right? In addition to the social media shit though, I’m coordinating a bunch of other logistics, trying to build buzz and get other departments and influencers involved. Kind of a pain. Super tedious. I’ll be glad when this damn thing is over.

Btw, I keep remembering about special holidays at the last minute. It’s a real pain for social media, bc usually I have content lined up already and then the night before, I’ll realize: Shit, tomorrow is Holi (Indian festival of colors) or like I realized on Friday night that Sunday is International Women’s Day. I know, usually I am on top of that holiday, but fuck man, I am barely staying afloat these days. Finally crafted a post for tomorrow. I’m sad to say, crafting it took forever bc honestly, my once creative brain is like totally dead these days. Writer’s block, burnout, whatever you want to call it. Fucking no good ideas coming outta this head anymore.

Ok, well we’re losing an hour of sleep tonight, so I should get to bed early. Yes I skipped a post on Friday night. I’m wanting to keep up with NaBloPoMo, but no promises. Every day is a gamble. 🙂

Inquisitive Minds

The new lady who started on our team this week used to work in news and broadcasting. She’s super extroverted and very inquisitive. She is also married to a native Chinese. Obviously, they live here now, but we got the Chinese culture and immigrant parents thing going on. Anyway, she’s really blunt, which is simultaneously refreshing and surprising. You know how most people are– all cautious and shit. Ha.

Today, she made a remark about me being introverted. With Myers-Briggs, I am ESTJ but every now and then (like 1/13 times when I take the test), I flop to ISTJ. Regardless of the test though, I feel pretty solidly in the middle. Some days, I love people and relationships; other days, they really irk the shit out of me, and I need to retreat into my little happy place (wherever that is!). Funny thing though, when I told John what my coworker said, he responded, “She hasn’t met Bubbey yet.” Truth, man. Unabomber in da house! Although to be fair, J easily has people fooled. They actually think he likes them. Haha, just kidding.

But back to me. The other comment she made today? I really like your makeup. Say what? And she said she used to DO makeup for Estee Lauder, so dang, that comment is legit, right? Patting myself on the back. I mean, nevermind that my bathroom has dust about a centimeter thick from that damn mineral powder foundation, and I’m sure I’m not doing my allergies any favors. Whatever though. The cost of doing business. I’m hoping between her and K, I’m going to super duper up my makeup and style game. I gotta get in the know.

Difficult Phone Conversations

Last week, I left three messages for the shed people. No call back. Now almost three weeks after a repair dude was on site fixing the door that the initial crew installed all crooked, I was pissed. So yesterday evening, I called and left a nastygram voice message. Now, mind you, all this shit is the toned down version, bc today I am a much tamer and calmer person than I used to be. Still, I was clearly annoyed about having left multiple messages without any reply. Finally, early this morning, I got the call back. No apologies, just more questions on what was wrong. Ugh, your warranty guy said he was going to report back to you. WTF? Apparently, nothing was written in the notes. More fucking half ass bullshit. The good news though? A repair dude was dispatched today, and the shit was finally done. Jesus F-ing Christ. Sometimes, I’m just so appalled by how much ass wiping is needed. Whatever. Checked and off the list.

After I got to work this morning, I had a vendor call. I don’t know what exactly was going on, but I felt like I kept getting asked the same questions about big picture university social media strategy. When that call finally ended, I was so irritated. Like, if I were a smoker– even a social smoker– I would have been jonesing for the cig. Thinking about it later, wtf. I mean, I’m spending my time giving the vendor all this info helping him shape his higher level sale; meanwhile, what am I getting out of this? I mean, we have a contract, and no where is there any discussion about how the current contract is providing me with any value. Maybe I just needed time to think about the conversation and later articulate what I was concluding. So I shot back an email asking them to demonstrate and justify the value of their product. We’ll see if the vendor steps up.

If you can’t already tell, I’ve been feeling stressed again lately. There’s a big campaign coming up soon, and I guess I’m just unsure what to expect. And then honestly, it’s not just all about work. I’m also having my usual inconvient life musings and mullings… My boss has been telling me all week not to stay late and to go home. I suppose she is noticing the fatigue in my face. Me and my zone though. I can’t be stopped.

I turned in my 13th homework assignment for class tonight. Lots of cramming. I am still learning a lot, but I’m really not fond of the format and platform the teacher uses to administer the class. I find the system super difficult to navigate and organize. Plus, I can’t tell you how many times I replied to questions or classmate feedback only to have my shit disappear, bc the goddamn thing doesn’t autosave!! Argh. I have more homework due this Sunday, and then next week is finally THE LAST WEEK. Thank fucking god. I want my evenings back. Yuki and Singtrix have been neglected for far too long. And I want to start up craft club again. Just in time for spring I hope.

Year of the Ram/Sheep/Goat

Jesus fucking Christ. I am exhausted. You would think I were a new mom or an ER surgeon or something, working some uber intense job saving lives while raising a family and going to school. But nope. I’m just doing social media and taking an online class. Haha. I know, I got issues. I could probably work a purely clerical job and still give myself fucking UTI.

Whatever though. As low priority as my shit is, I am freaking tired! Last Saturday, we hosted about 12 people for a Chinese New Year celebration. J and I used to have parties and people over all the damn time, but now? Not so much. So we were kind rusty on the party prep. I swear though, between the grocery shopping and prep and recipe research and actual cooking and cleaning… it nearly killed me. I mean, on the bright side, I’m super pleased with how everything turned out: nearly everyone came and we had a great time hanging out and stuffing our pieholes with chicken/cabbage potstickers, roast duck, curry shrimp noodles, salads, sides, and dessert. We really pulled off a proper feast, and I’m pleased to report that we gauged the amount pretty darn accurately! There was very little food waste and just a container-full of leftovers.

The thing about parties though is, you want everything to be made fresh for the guests, so that always means a mad dash to the finish line. In the future, I gotta figure out something I can make ahead of time and then just reheat, because hell, you know me: I cannot drive a car and have a conversation. One of my guests was trying to tell me about a pizza peel and some special gadget to transfer your pizza pie to/from the baking steel… No matter how many times he explained the contraption to me, I could not focus enough while cooking my potstickers to understand him. I swear he thought I was dumb and slow. Later, I had to research that shit on YouTube, and yeah, it wasn’t that hard a concept to understand. But whatever, I have my multitasking limitations man.

Incidentally, in my haste in the kitchen, I managed to drop by food processor blade on my bare foot. I have no idea how I didn’t chop off my goddamn toes. Not even a drip of blood, which is freaking miraculous considering how prone I am to injury. Of course, I still got mine when I mis-gauged the fire power of our new range and burned my finger on the hot roasting rack. Yup, full on blister.

The rest of the day was a blur. My friends brought their 6-week old newborn: It was his first party ever. Then my other friends brought their two little boys: a 6 y/o and a 2 y/o. Yeah, first time having my house invaded by kiddies. It’s probably good I was busy cooking in the kitchen, because had I been fully engrossed in conversation, my endless string of cuss words would have adulterated those young, innocent, polite kiddie minds. I majorly crashed after my party. And the next day, I woke up sick. Lame. Thankfully, I was back in the saddle come Monday. Back up and at it, saving lives and shit!

What else. My online class is going well. I just wrapped week 5 of 8. Turns out, I’m actually re-purposing my homework that I just submitted on Sunday for a meeting I’m holding tomorrow. Not bad finding real world applications for my learning.

I was excited to receive a package of new underwear today. Yup, AEO was having a massive sale, so I decided to do a sweeping upgrade. My shit is deluxe now! Don’t ask me what I’m doing with the old stuff. You know I’m not going to just dump it in the trash. Oh no. ;P

Ok, I’m sure there are other updates to share, but my brain is fried. My friend N undergoes surgery on Wednesday to get her vertebrae re-fused. I really hope the surgery goes well, because this immobility shit is for the birds. I feel better knowing that she’s at least getting the surgery done at a legit medical facility (UNC-CH). Fingers crossed for a successful operation and speedy recovery. Man, to think that, as a kid, I was so overwhelmed with worry about school and grades and “my future.” I shake my head now, thinking back to that younger version of me. Adult life is so much more involved and complex.

Glorifying Busy

Remember way back in July when I gushed about seeing Arianna Huffington at BlogHer? She did this whole spiel about how our culture loves to glorify busy. Well, I definitely felt the truth in her words, but shit, old habits die hard.

Somehow, months later, I have found myself back on the treadmill. Today, I was in SF for Day 2 of the Social Good Tech Summit. Yeah, I paid for the tickets on my own and attended for myself. No surprise there. I’m a nerd at heart. At least, work let me count Friday as a professional development day!

So today’s session was good, but it was also an honest reminder that I really am a step or two outside of my sweet spot. Social media for higher ed just isn’t in that inner circle where tech intersects with social impact. That realization makes me kinda sad. The other takeaway from today is that I’m starting to get soft again. Remember those times when I was networking like a fiend, going to event after event, introducing myself to strangers, posing questions to speakers, trading contact info with random people I met? I worked so damn hard, desensitizing myself to my social anxieties and now, those skills are soft again. Yesterday, I must have gone the entire day at the conference without conversing with anyone. Ok, so I introduced myself once, but then I really didn’t engage in conversation. So lame. Naturally, out of fear of regression, today I made a point of asserting myself. Super uncomfortable. I met a German guy who blogs about travel and wearables. I also chatted with a Czech lady about social enterprises. She was smart, not to mention tall, blonde, and gorgeous. Some days I really wonder what it must be like to be white, blonde, blue-eyed, and tall. The world must respond in such a different way… Or even if I were a dude… So many things would be different. But I digress. The people I met today were nice, but afterwards I felt so lacking. Like the lady was so hungry about creating and growing her startup. Talking to her made me think about being hungry vs. being busy. Which am I? I was so inspired yesterday by the presenters who were using tech to facilitate real, concrete change: registering a shit ton of voters; creating visualization apps to help doctors more accurately treat (and educate patients about) brain cancer; training family members of sick patients in India to have a better understanding of ailments and treatments… What am I doing day to day? How is my work contributing to change? The link is pretty weak. Yet, I continue convincing myself that in some way I am building new skills, learning new things… I  am feeling more comfortable and more settled into my role now. I feel happy too when my students are excited and eager to share their ideas and thoughts with me. I hope that I’m a good manager and that they enjoy working with me…

Famous and successful working women always say that “having it all” is a sham: you can’t “have it all” at the same time. Their comments remind me that people do things for different reasons at different times. So what are my reasons for doing this right now? And for how long will those reasons hold? So many thoughts swirling in my head. Are you sick already of hearing them?

Interestingly, I came across this article the other day about Type A personalities. What do you think? I know, I will spend my whole life trying to deny that I am Type A. If this reveals anything, J and I actually reviewed the list together item by item, and he claims that I meet at least 22 of the 25 criteria. See? I’m moderate.

Btw, I recently discovered some fitness programs included as part of my on-demand cable subscription. You know me: always lured by two keywords– free (or included) and fast. This time, it happens to be Jillian Michael’s 20-Minute Shred. Yes, considerably longer than my 7-minute workout, but this gives me something interesting to watch while I sweat my brains out. I have done two days so far. Yeah, those ripped muscles are emerging already!

Endless Hustle

Midnight already. WTF? This week has been nonstop action once again. Yup, apparently, the excitement over here is off the hook. Life and times of the VG. I noticed today that I am starting to ignore my body’s triggers again. Need to pee? Wait, I’m in the middle of something. Hungry? I’m busy. OMG, how self-important can I be? Yeah, saving lives with social media. Whatev.

Today I noticed a different sensation though: I sat so damn long (on my bouncy ball even!) that my butt went numb. And on top of that, the office is fricking freezing. I brought in my mini space heater, but that shit is too damn small. Suitable at my last job where I was living the cubicle life, but now that shit doesn’t crank enough heat. I really might have to bring back the old school hot water bottle. My bud K though might really shit her pants. Oh well, I can’t be stopped. Time to kick things into high gear!

So I had a meeting yesterday with my boss. She was asking me a ton of blunt questions again. It’s funny because, as someone who values directness, I have an appreciation for the Inquisition. That said, being on the receiving end is a little weird. I mean, I answer truthfully (no surprise there), but at the same time, I try not to come across with just neutral and negative feedback, i.e. NO POSITIVE responses. She asked me what I like most, what I like least, if I’m having fun… I hope that all my communications workshops and social intelligence training enabled me to walk that thin line. Basically, I gave this vibe: I’m ok for now, i.e. I’m not lovin’ it but I’m also not actively looking to leave. Who knows how she read it.

Ok, so this week wasn’t ALL work. After an 18-month hiatus, Sasha Fierce made an appearance. Holy shit. My toupee emerged from her box for a new office debut. I wore my hairpiece most of the week, and because I’m a dumbass who CANNOT lie to save my life, nearly everyone who commented about my bangs was told the truth. I know, some of them probably would have preferred a lie. But really, why should fake hair carry a stigma? I know, even with hair extensions, I cannot fib. What compels me to be so damn forthcoming? I dunno! I mean, I just think fake hair is funny. When I first stumbled on these amazing creations with P in the beauty supply shop, I just could not believe how easy they were to clip on nor how natural they looked! Jessica Simpson and her dude Ken Paves know how to do it up, man!

The only thing is, the wig has always needed a trimming. Because I’m awful with cutting hair and I’m too lazy/cheap to take that shit with me to the salon, I just wore my bangs straight out of the box. With the original length, I had to clip those fuckers way far back on my crown so I could still see through them side swept. Def a little bit off. Enter my bud K. Homegirl has been cutting her own hair in between cuts for ages, so she’s freaking experienced. She even had legit shears– for cutting hair, rather than crafts and school supplies. Anyway, she took me downstairs to some super secret solo bathroom (instead of the multi-stall one on our floor) and snip, snip, snip, voila! My bangs are super badass now. I think next K will be tasked with braiding. I am dying to try the fishtail. In fact, I have purposefully kept my hair long so that I can put in braids. The time has finally come. Yup, it sure is fun hanging with someone who knows about hair, clothes, and makeup… let the experimenting begin! Muhahaha.

Too Cool for School

I work for a university now, so technically, every day is back to school. But my supervisor signed me up for an 8-week social media marketing course online, and while I’m nearly always game for learning (especially when it’s free), this class is a super time sink. Seriously. My daily karaoke hour is now replaced with time for class readings and homework– with real deadlines and grading and shit! Totally sucks.

My coworker thinks I should just use work time for the class and assignments, but I don’t have time during the day. Then part of me wants to just blow through the assignments– you know, pick and choose but still learn. The thing is, I almost never treat school/academics that way… so I dunno. Here I am on a Saturday night doing homework and preparing some kind of presentation. I’m really a little irritated by it all. But in the end, I’m still gonna do it. I just won’t do it without complaining. As my mother has always described, “Vicky will always do what has to be done; just don’t expect her to smile about it.” Haha.

This also got me thinking though: If I were a student in today’s learning environment, I might really hate the educational experience. I mean, I don’t mind getting all the assignments online and doing all the readings, but I HATE the forced participation, especially in the online setting. I’ve done a few of these virtual learning setups, and ugh, the whole mandatory round robin intro just really irks me. Then, each person has to answer the same questions… via the forum and grading is also based on how much you respond to your classmates’ comments. Yeah, part of me thinks, “What’s the big deal, anyway?” And I guess my aversion doesn’t really make sense, because I love to write, and I spend a lot of time online. Plus, I have a public blog. If anything, I overshare. Still. Something about forced interaction in an online forum just feels unnatural, awkward, and unnecessary. I know, I’m totally overanalyzing this. I suppose I’m really just procrastinating. Blargh.

In other news, J’s company had their holiday party last week. There are a few people I really get along with– a spouse of his coworker, a coworker here and there, but pretty much I spent the evening following the hired magician around from table to table, obsessively eyeing his tricks. Dude was amazing– apparently a favorite of Woz and Charles Schwab even! That really made my night, and he even told me he could get me tickets to the Magic Castle in LA. Yup, that shit is on my bucket list.

What else. Marty is doing really great. He still digs around his bed at night but much less, and I am starting to sleep a bit better. Our new kitchen range FINALLY arrives on Monday, and then my handyman will be onsite hopefully next week to crank out a few house items that have lingered for years.

I have a new BFF at work. She’s a very cool chick: super sharp and witty, wise beyond her years. She’s not even 30 yet. We’re both newbies, so we got that bond going on. Any job is so much more tolerable when there are people you like at the office.

Ok, kinda an abrupt ending to the post tonight. I’ve been piecing this post together over a few days, and it just has to end here. For now.

Keeping Me on My Toes

Monday evening, after I got home from work, I started sneezing up a storm. I suspected something was coming on, so I went to the hot tub to “burn it off.” Burn off what? I dunno exactly, the shivers, the sniffles, the germs… whatever. The hot tub usually works wonders for me, as you know my body loves super hot heat. Unfortunately though, the next morning my throat hurt really badly. I guess in this particular case, the hot tub didn’t work for warding off sickness, but hey, at least it was ONLY the throat and nothing else. Anyway, I was in bed most of the day, working online. You see, now that my coworker has left to start a new job and my second coworker has been out sick, I get to manage two additional interns. Yep, I’m up to FOUR now. Thankfully, the two additionals are pretty damn solid. Who the fuck knew? They are full of ideas, initiative, and motivation. Thank fucking god. Needless to say, I was busy online most of yesterday lining up work for them. Social media never rests.

I wrote earlier this week about Martin’s condition of dementia and me finding a solution to give him (and me) comfort and security through the night. Yesterday, I was looking forward to a good night’s rest so I could return from my sick day and hit the ground running on Wednesday. Well, I definitely spoke too damn soon about solving the sundown syndrome problem. Last night was one of THE worst nights of rest. We brought his big Costco pillow back in the bedroom (not sure why), and Marty started digging frantically at it in the middle of the night (J had already knocked out like a rock). Then the pacing, from one side of the bed to the other. WTF? True to my word, I kept my cool, but shit. For some reason, he wasn’t interested in the under-bed den. Why goddamnit?? Ugh.

Tonight, J is away on business, and I did some vacuuming and reorganizing. I also moved the Costco pillow out of the room again. Now, Martin just has one option on where to sleep. I got the heating pad turned on, the draped towel over the opening under the bed, and right at this moment, Marty is sleeping without incident. I really need to rest tonight, because tomorrow I’m going to be stuck in an all-day HR orientation class (aka Jesuit indoctrination) and then I’ll have to hustle home and head into the city for J’s company holiday party. See this is the thing about holidays. Why can’t everyone be this damn practical? I mean, so many vendors (restaurants, airlines, services) jack up prices for the holidays. It’s such a ripoff. Like his company just says, nope. We’ll do it after the holidays. Done. No debate. I kinda like that.

But back to tonight: I’m winding down and intending to get to bed early. So what happens? I go on Pinterest and start seeing all this food. Shit, now I am starving, because I ate about five measly spoonfuls of fried rice left over from lunch and then I just now forced myself to do the 7-min workout. Yeah, only seven minutes but when you’re majorly fucking out of shape, that shit knocks the wind out of you. And you know, I got that metabolism churning, so now I’m hungry. Well, without the NuWave, I dunno how to do jackshit. Guess tonight I’m just going to bed hungry. Oh well, my system needs recalibrating anyway. One ignored hunger pang is not gonna kill me.

In other news, I might be meeting up with my mentor L. Man, now that I work near San Jose, lunches or events in the city are EXTRA far. Coincidentally, he has a client meeting in San Jose so I might hitch a ride on his way back north and then make it for J’s company party. Lots of coordinating, but it’ll be nice to catch up. I haven’t seen L since Aug or September I think.

Ok, I need to hit the sack. But now that I think of it, there is some cheese in the fridge. Haha, the hunger pang might be answered after all!

Friends with Kids

We are meeting with a handyman tomorrow morning for a long list of home repairs that we have been procrastinating for years. Depending on what he’s comfortable doing, the work might expand to something big involving electrical rewiring and such. We’ll see. The guy actually works for my former employer, and he did some repair work for my uber meticulous friend M, so he’s automatically competent, qualified, and trustworthy in my book. Haha.

Our friends J and J just popped out their first kid this week. H was a 9 pounder! Shit, man. We’re waiting to hear from the parents on when they are ready for visitors. Interestingly, I recently came across this article on HuffPo. The read was actually kinda eye-opening, not so much because what she said was new but rather, her statements carried a resounding familiarity. Her description about conserving energy and hunkering down in survival mode was almost word-for-word shit I’d heard from my friend J. After hearing his excuses for well over a year, I admit, I grew increasingly annoyed and dismissive of his reasons. Now that some time has passed, revisiting this topic doesn’t seem nearly as irritating. I still think losing touch (at varying degrees) with our friends with kids is inevitable, because that’s just how the cookie crumbles. As my friend once said, “We live radically different lives, yo.” I’m just not going to take it personally anymore.

In other news, work is going ok. My latest BFF/coworker had her last day on Tuesday. It sucked to see her go. Such is life! Thankfully, I am feeling more settled and less stressed about work these days. I’m still trying to keep that new perspective about work-life balance and such. Oddly, my boss keeps asking me if I’m having fun. Haha. All I can say is I’m feeling better than I did initially. I’m not gonna lie: I wouldn’t call it “fun,” BUT I’m feeling ok. She’s probably just feeling a little paranoid because my coworker left. For now, I’m all in.

That said, man people piss me off with their asinine comments on social. I did a post about the 7-11 store next to campus reopening, and some asshole complained that “as an alum,” he was disappointed to see such an endorsement, blah, blah, blah. Well asshole, I’m not a big fan of 7-11 either, but you know what? The kids fucking LOVE 7-11. I posted months ago about the store while it was under construction, and it got a shit ton of engagement, so newsflash: ou’re not the only person in my audience. I was so annoyed 1) because he pulled the power card (I’m an alum, so my opinion matters more than anyone else’s) 2) if you don’t particularly like a post, who the fuck takes the time to actually complain (??) and on Instagram, of all platforms? Some people are so lame. Whatevs.

Fighting the Funk

I’ve been in a total funk lately. Just two months ago, I was all bright-eyed and cheery about landing my new job. Then the job started, and I quickly grew overwhelmed by the pressure of having to constantly produce content and for a very broad audience. Being at a religious institution, surrounded by college students, I also felt really out of place for the environment and for the job. In turn, that led to a major crisis in confidence, and since then I’ve been battling to get back on even footing.

The thing about change is that you grow to expect the unexpected. After the past year, I consider myself a seasoned pro– someone who even gravitates towards and actively seeks change. Well, apparently not. I really questioned whether this misfit would eventually work itself out.

The good news is, after putting in a shit ton of extra hours and effort early on, I queued up content for my trip to Asia in November, got back, and then resumed pounding the pavement. By December, I was feeling better, like I was maybe getting the hang of things. But just as I was starting to acclimate at work, anxiety and depression started creeping in. Everyday, SOMEthing compounded my growing negativity. Last time, I wrote about the disheartening news about N. I’m annoyed now because more than a week later, I have yet to speak with her. Part of the problem is the East Coast-West Coast time zone difference. Also, last week I had a lot of work-related events after hours. Still, she just isn’t answering the phone. And that pisses me off. Yes, I know firsthand that people withdraw when they are in a funk. After all, who wants to burden others with his/her woes, right? On the other hand, I don’t like feeling blown off, and you know me with my “friendship cultivation.” Anyway, her situation causes emotional distress: the problem-solver part of me wants to find a solution; the friend part of me requires her interaction and participation to talk it through; the depressed part of me wants to just let it all go. Fuck the world. Jekyll and Hyde, anyone??

These last few weeks, I’ve been feeling a sense of danger, like internally, a red flag is going up. There have been multiple moments where I have felt frustration and anger bubbling inside. I describe the bubbling as “rage,” but my friend T says rage is an outward, uncontrollable blindness. In these instances, I have never erupted, but I feel super unsettled inside, like I’m nearing an edge. Am I about to completely lose my shit and go mental? I dunno. Some days it really seems possible! So here’s the plan moving forward.

First things first: I’m cutting back with work. In the last week, especially with the holidays and all, I’ve definitely noticed a lot of slacking off at the office. The holidays don’t really have that kind of an effect on me, because I dunno, I guess I’m usually not that holiday-spirited, but still, I made sure to attend all the “fun” staff holiday events. I need to chill the fuck out, after all. Also, I considered these good opportunities to bond with people I currently know/like, while also familiarizing myself with potential allies in other departments. Two birds, one stone, baby. Truth be told, I am still clocking in extra hours, but it’s definitely curtailed, so go me! The other good thing (a pleasant surprise) is, I’m now pretty good friends with two people in my department– sadly, one is leaving but the other one started two weeks after me, so we’re newbies together. Both are very funny and super knowledgeable about media, marketing, and pop culture. They say they are also game for karaoke, so I’m very thrilled to add to my karaoke posse.

Second, I’m finally moving my ass more. I know exercise is one of life’s little secrets, and shit my bud M is so disciplined with it. I’m not yet back to doing the 7 Minute workout, but I am walking more on campus and taking the pups on extended walks. The plan is to reintroduce 7 Min very soon.

Third, now that Martin’s tests have all come back normal, we’ve been troubleshooting his trembling, anxiety, and spooking. We had a weird suspicion last week that maybe he was hearing some kind of electronic device that was inaudible to us. So one night, we unplugged a bunch of things in the house: the wine fridge, the laser printer, the dropcams, a bunch of stuff. Whaddya fucking know? He slept through the night. We continued the test for two nights (same results) and then slowly brought the electronics back online one by one. For the most part, all of us are sleeping better through the night. I still get up around 2-3a to use the bathroom, and last night, Martin was pacing again, but hopefully, he was just anxious because he saw all of our luggage out. I’m always fascinated by how dogs piece together those patterns. Anyway, I still feel like I have a sleep deficit to overcome, but my goal is to be all even Steven by the new year. And with decent sleep, I will be ready to conquer the world. Muhahaha.

Fourth, I’m bringing back the hobbies. Last week, I busted yuki out for the first time in over a year. I realized recently that there is a part of me that’s very “all or nothing” about skills and hobbies. I have to be making noticeable progress of some kind; otherwise, I don’t want to invest the time. This is an attitude I’d like to change. My friend J once remarked, “Why are you taking riding lessons? Who cares about the techniques? You love to ride. Just take the horse out and ride!” His comment kinda took me aback when he said it, but thinking back, he might really be on to something. I had been so obsessed with the technique– the beats, the rhythm and counts, the correct diagonal, the exact right nudge at the precise part of the horse… A mild case of perfectionism, maybe? I see his point, and I actually think it boils down to the absence of mindfulness. I rarely enjoy moments for their own sakes. Everything is some sort of means to an end. I would like to be more mindful.

In that vein, I bought myself a new karaoke system last weekend. I’d been missing karaoke for a long time, and even though I love the KTV house in Cupertino, the place doesn’t allow any alcohol or outside food. I mean, I don’t need booze to have fun, but my friends do (ha!), plus what’s a party without food and drink? Whatever, I did a little bit of research and discovered that a new system is on the scene– made by the creators of Guitar Hero. I found the system in store locally and bought the system the very next day. Yes, I have already clocked in several hours of solo singing. Haha! Slowly but surely, my plan for recalibration WILL work.