Every now and then, I realize that I need to focus on the good more than I focus on the bad.[FAG id=7492]
Category Archives: Marriage
Seoul Surprise
As J and I get older, I find that we do less and less planning for our trips. Many months ago when we got the tickets for Taiwan, we decided to tack on Seoul before the Taiwan portion of our trip. The idea was that we’re already half way across the world in Asia, so we might as well have a little bit of fun before dealing with the family chaos. We picked Seoul for no real reason other than it being a new place for us that’s also a direct flight from SFO.
In other words, we had no expectations. Even stateside, most of our exposure to anything Asian has been primarily Chinese-centric, so beyond having bulgogi, kimchi, and a few spicy stews, we haven’t indulged in any other Korean cuisines nor exports, e.g. K-pop, K-beauty, or K-dramas.
The journey to Seoul was exhausting. Even though we had a direct flight in Economy Plus seating on a new plane, I dunno: we were so stretched on arrival. Immigration and customs were both a breeze, but then it was an 80-minute bus ride to the hotel in downtown. The hotel was a lovely new Lotte (Korean chain): super modern, clean, with excellent location and not too expensive really for downtown. The front desk suggested a nearby Korean dumpling and noodle shop for dinner. Delish. We crashed pretty quickly after that. The remaining days were full of walking and exploration. Thankfully, the weather was quite temperate, similar to back home in the 60s and 70s. And Seoul is crazy clean to boot.
Our second day, we went on a food tour, and one of the classmates is an expat who has previously lived many years in Singapore and Hong Kong (as well as Dubai and South Africa and Europe…). She said the food prep and restaurants here, even with the small street food vendors, are incredibly clean and meticulous. Good to know.
For the brief three days we walked about 18k-20k steps per day and enjoyed BBQ, noodles, dumplings, offal and pork sausage (thumbs down but we had to try bc it was on the food tour), kimchi, fried chicken, etc. So much variety and lots of great flavors. The Korean women are also big on skincare, so near our hotel were tons of shops selling face masks and creams and so forth. The K-beauty routine is notorious for its 15+ steps. I thought about trying some stuff, but our mini suitcases are already filled to the brim AND I discovered that nearly all the k-beauty stuff is available on Amazon for not that much more. I might give it a try after I get home.
Overall, we had a great time. I find the Koreans to be the “hipper” Asians. J also read some tour books that said Koreans are super into new trends… things go in and out of style super quickly. To my surprise, women were modestly dressed but def every bar/lounge we went to had a live DJ. What? Asians who like to have fun? An oxymoron to me! I was so disappointed, bc after extensive late night research, I discovered a bboy dance troupe. And I ALMOST got to see them perform, except they unexpectedly canceled the evening show the last night we were in town. Argh!
But Bubs and I have already decided that we’re going back. The city is nicely navigable, data service is comprehensive, and it can be the perfect pit stop en route to Taiwan. I’m officially on the Korean bandwagon. After I return to the States, I’m going to sample the k-dramas. My cousin, who speaks/teaches Korean, recommends a soap series called Descendants of the Sun. As usual, I am hopping on the bandwagon about ten years too late, but heck, there’s still time to see what all the hype was about.[FAG id=7489]
Licensee!!!
Holy shit, I passed my real estate salesperson exam this morning. It’s been a few hours since I got the actual paper indicating such (I checked several times that it was MY name on the thing!), but I’m still feeling like this a dream. Honestly, the last several weeks have been a blur. And having to deal with Tessa the last five days def did NOT help at all. That dog. Aside from her aggression and territorial issues that emerged despite two successful trials with daycare, she also required all kinds of supervision. Seriously, THE most challenging client ever. For example, she kept trying to eat Martin’s food; she would NOT stay off the furniture; she thrashed her dog pillow like a maniac; she got into bags, found cockroach traps… ANYthing on the floor; she was an awful, stubborn walker (she’d just cop a squat when she didn’t want to go in your direction); she got into the bathroom garbage like THREE times… the list goes on. Jesus Christ. I really wish some dog parents were more in-tune/transparent/honest about their dogs meeting basic behavioral standards. And heck, what kind of 8-y/o adult dog is so freaking incorrigible??? Supposedly, she had an extensive vocabulary… Whatever. At the end of the day, she still didn’t understand “No!” Needless to say, given these last two duds, I am taking a break from Rover. Yup, Bubbey called it for real: the good streak was bound to end and shit, Rover burned me good!
But whatever. On to bigger and better, now that I’ve passed the license exam, right? It’ll take the Bureau more paperwork and time to actually issue the legit license, but hell, I am just so relieved this part is over. My anxiety was getting out. of. control. Big time. Like I was thinking about how most people fear public speaking more than they fear death. Well, I fear test taking more than I fear public speaking (actually, I don’t mind public speaking so much anymore). Damn, I was popping Calms Forte like every day. And fuck, I studied super cray cray. Like used a gabillion books, plus webinars, plus study guides, a Saturday cram class, AND took over 1000 practice questions…
Thankfully, Bubbey saw how worked up I was getting over everything, so he stepped up big time, handling all the meals and groceries and household logistics. Then, he drove me to the exam site in Oakland this morning. Yup, like I’m Miss Daisy. It helped a ton though, bc that East Bay traffic would have taken my stress to a new level.
Now that the test is done, I’m actually really excited to find a brokerage AND start enrolling in all kinds of training/coaching programs. You know I eat that shit up! And of course, our trip to Seoul and Taiwan kicks off soon, so I’ll be able to chill out a bit, without stressing about re-taking the test. Whew! What a goddamn relief.
Carpolepsy
Bubs and I are back from a quick jaunt in Oregon. It’s been many years since we last visited: we had some friends who did the Hood to Coast race, so we’d hit up Astoria, Portland, and then the Eugene area. But this trip was focused less on the city and more on wine country! Yeah, I still don’t consider myself a foodie, but I like many of the things wine country offers: incredible scenery, deluxe outdoor chill space, ranch animals, stunning buildings and tasting rooms, and yummy snacks.
So first of all, Oregon is slow. I drove 45 mph on the interstate. No joke. Second, there sure are a lot of hipsters. I thought Portlandia was a hyperbole. Not so. That shit is spot. on. Lots of monster beards and very funky clothes. But people are nice and somehow not as snooty as the SF hipsters. Finally, shit is cheap. Yup, that part wins me over every. damn. time. So now, no more Paso Robles for our project idea but maybe Oregon wine country??? We’ll see.
We did a lot in a few short days. Sadly though, on our way to Mt. Hood, I got carsick, then popped a Dramamine, and then carpolepsy ensued. I missed so much of this gorgeous drive. I dunno whether the drowsiness was exacerbated by the Dramamine: I kinda feel like I have a history of getting ridiculously tired riding in cars. Like drugged-out tired. I was so frustrated to have missed everything that the first night after we got back to the hotel, I looked this shit up. I mean, I have a problem. Carpolepsy (ok, that’s a term in urban dictionary) aka highway hypnosis. It’s a form of motion sickness but not much explanation beyond that. Fucking A, man. In the mean time, I am getting back on the vitamins train, bc this no energy bullshit just cannot keep happening.
Another interesting surprise from the trip? J and are pinot drinkers, and we always felt like we enjoyed pinots from the Central Coast (Santa Barbara region) more than those from Williamette Valley in Oregon. But strangely, when we tasted the pinots on this trip, the wines were pretty good. Hmm, had our taste buds changed? Was there something with drinking them at the source? Perhaps the flavors actually differed winery to winery rather than just region to region? Not sure what happened. Bubbey says we ought to be careful about drawing conclusions based on very limited sample size. Ok, my data scientist. Regardless, the wines were a pleasant surprise. My preferences are now leaning towards old vine zinfandel, so I hear that Lodi, CA is the next wine region to hit![FAG id=7483]
What else. J and I are getting along great. I’ve come to realize that being together for so long, we really have this unspoken understanding about so many things, for example, our style of travel, our preferences, our behaviors, and habits. It’s a really nice luxury to have someone just be able to anticipate things on your behalf. It’s hard to explain more specifically, but I feel lucky and grateful for my Bubbey.
Of course, after a few days of total chill, I awoke our final morning in Oregon all stressed. First off? I received an email from Southwest at 7am. You have completed 4 of 10 flights for the California companion pass promo. Say what? That cannot be right. Immediately, I popped out of bed bc this shit was a Code Red. Got on the phone with customer service. He went trip by trip. Goddamnit, the flight to Burbank (LA) for BlogHer didn’t count, bc I actually bought the tickets before the promo window. ARGH!!! I mean I had called earlier and the agent then said it counted, but fuck, both of our bads. I am already feeling over-traveled (I know, first world problems), and I thought I would be done after Tahoe. Nope. I need one more round-fucking-trip before Taiwan. Goddamnit. Thankfully, my smart friend M planted an idea that if anything, I can just do a quickie day trip flight down to LA and back. Like just grab lunch at the airport. And at this point, that’s what I’m going to do, bc there’s a lot of other shit going on…
The MD townhouse sale is still pending… The buyers had a home inspection and came back asking for more, for course. That resulted in yet another conflict between me and my agent. Stressful, bc I am not world-class emotionally intelligent like Bubs. Also, bc the closing date falls while we’re all in Taiwan, I’ve got to arrange power of attorney. Thank goodness, M is stepping up to the challenge. I just hope all the paperwork and shit gets done right bc there has already been a lot of back and forth with the title attorney. Whatever, it’ll get worked out.
In other news, I finally received the green light from the Bureau of Real Estate to take the exam. I’ve got it scheduled for Monday, Oct. 11. And I am having a lot of anxiety about it. I’ve always had anxiety about standardized tests… it goes way back to the SATs, ACTs, and GREs. I ultimately did fine on them (though I never scored as high as my parents wanted), but I get insomnia and tummy issues and numb hands just thinking about it. I keep trying to talk myself through: it’s not as dire as my body is reacting but shit, it just dredges up all the pressures and expectations from the past. Anyway, the plan is to take a 2-day crash course next weekend and then crank it out Tuesday morning in Oakland.
Needless to say, my brain was just preoccupied with all this crap and then when we returned the rental car, the rep suggested that we caused a dent by the gas cap. Are you fucking kidding me? Then I had to speak with the manager. I showed her my before photos, but I didn’t get a straight on shot of that area. I explained that when we arrived, there was a huge wait. We did go around the car with a dude, but the lighting in the garage was poor and the car had just been washed so the dent would have been difficult to see with all the reflections from the garage lighting. On top of that, later, John reminded me that when I had pointed out an indentation (but no superficial scratch) on the trunk to the check-out dude, he had specifically told us they were just looking for major things… The manager gave me her cell and said she would review the garage footage on their cameras and call me before the end of the day. She was very nice but I was just annoyed, like what kind of scam is this? It’s not like you’re going to repair that indentation so why would you charge me?
So we arrive at the gate, and I’m just overwhelmed. I reach for my ipad to get some writing therapy in, and holy fuck: I left my ipad in the rental car. Noooo!! There was this new console design in the car with an underneath platform for your purse/bag, and I set my iPad there bc I was using it for map navigation. OMG!!! So I called Robbie (the manager) and thankfully she went and got it. I then had to go back out to the rental car area (thank goodness it was onsite!!) and then back through security again. See? Totally frazzled.
In the end, all is fine. We got back and Marty is good. Weaker but good. No accidents. I’ll take the test in ten days. I’ll get the Companion Pass eventually. The house will sell one way or another. And vitamins are gonna give me that extra boost to power through the next several weeks (You know Taiwan ain’t gonna be a walk in the park!).
Real People
My friends sometimes make fun of me, bc every now and then, I kinda get attached to celebrities I follow on tv shows and on social media. Like J always talks about back in the day when I was obsessed with the show Felicity. Many of the characters irked the shit out of me with their crappy decision-making, but in some odd way, they kinda felt like my friends. As soon as that show ended, I can honestly say, I was heartbroken, and I missed the characters.
Now, as a legit adult, I def have more distance and separation with tv people/characters, but despite all the comments from J and my friends reminding me that everything I watch/follow is fake or staged or scripted, I still reserve final judgement for myself. Sure, I get it: there are gurus I follow for style, makeup, fashion, home ideas… Flippant content. I understand that nearly all of their posts are, you know, heavily post-processed and perhaps selected by a team member or whatever, and strongly intended to push product. After all, marketing is marketing. But still, even among those people who recommend products for compensation (and really, what is wrong with that?), I still believe these individuals are real and authentic. In other words, I appreciate their craft and their profession. Maybe it encourages consumerism or whatever, but when I read their blog posts, I often discover that they are real people with similar fears and worries and concerns.
Some examples? I follow Emily Henderson and Gal Meets Glam. I enjoy the beautiful pictures of beautiful places and beautiful things. But as much as people want to dismiss these women for doing work that’s superficial or meaningless or shallow, is there anything wrong with having a passion that is simply creating beautiful things vs. say, helping refugees or empowering the disenfranchised? Sure, there is a palpable difference in terms of gravity of work but at the same time, not everyone is cut out for emotionally taxing work. And ultimately, isn’t the bigger concept really about happy people showing others what is possible for this life, however each one of us chooses to live it? I also argue that even if people value the work of these bloggers differently, that doesn’t mean they are vacuous people. So many bloggers I read share stories about their professional path or their personal journeys. They adopt the abundance mentality and encourage others to take risks to try new things. They are open and supportive. They share their big life decisions, and I am reminded that I am not alone in my struggles to figure things out.
A few days ago, I read this post by stylist Emily Henderson about her marriage. Initially, I thought it was going to be some sappy, cheesy love story, blah, blah. But as I read on, the post was more about their struggles and growth together… there was something so raw and real about it. It’s so easy to look at her gorgeous social media pictures and to think that everything is seamless or flawless. But she keeps it real about how relationships go up and down, get hot then cold, and for so many of us, depression is a debilitating hindrance. After reading their story, I felt encouraged and supported. Yes, with social media, we often try to showcase our best lives almost exclusively, but is that really any different from when we go on that first date or have that job interview or attend a friend’s bday party? There is a time and a place for the things that weigh us down. The curation doesn’t mean what we project is fake. It means we select when we want to emphasize the good and when we want to confront the bad.
When I was in college, I remember going to the campus coffee house for an open mic night. My brother was a regular performer there and that day, he read something he wrote about our family. It included dialog of me and my parents. We came across whiny and unsupportive. Immediately, I started crying. How could he expose our dirty laundry to strangers? These people don’t even know us! He couldn’t even understand why I was so upset, but I felt embarrassed. How far I have come since then, right?
With my previous (anonymous) blog, I wrote often about my parents, my brother (oh, the irony!), and my marriage. I remember a childhood friend who followed the blog was so shocked by the exposure: she said it was so personal; she would never feel comfortable revealing so much. And I’m sure if my parents read these things, they would be equally horrified. But ultimately, this is the human experience and frankly, why should we be surprised? Don’t we all know that people have conflicts with their families and friends and coworkers and whatever? Who are we really trying to fool or protect by sharing only the good stuff?
I know Emily Henderson is not my friend. We don’t know each other. We’ve never met. Still, her post resonated with me, bc it reminded me that we all have our issues. We are all trying to figure things out. Like her husband, I’m so proud of J and his professional success. But I feel immensely sad and sorry for myself, bc I have not yet hit my career stride. Like Emily’s spouse, I am still trying and still reaching, hoping that one day things will be different.
Turning it up
As you know, I’ve been jumping back into the networking pool lately. Unfortunately, the real estate instructor never replied to my email. I’m a little disappointed but not entirely discouraged. Having done this whole process before, reaching out to strangers and trying to make their acquaintance, I know it’s largely a numbers/volume game. I have to just keep plugging. So I still tune in to the instructor’s weekly webinars and one of these days, I will introduce myself to him in person.
Incidentally, John’s friend T also referred me to her brother who is a realtor. He also did not reply. I get it though. Sometimes people are weird about responding to strangers. I don’t take that shit personally anymore, bc I’m confident that my approach isn’t entitled or demanding.
Interestingly, my own agent D texted me out of the blue last week. We met up yesterday and had a really good catchup over a pedicure and then lunch. She is super open and generous in sharing her experiences as a realtor, so I gained a lot of insight. She also put me in touch with one of her colleagues who is a broker running two real estate offices and growing her team. The thing about D is, she presses forward all the time. I’m sure much of it comes from her background as a trainer and coach and motivator: people in that kind of role have to adopt a certain language and style that nudges people… Still, I’ve never been someone who requires a lot of nudging. Give me your advice and insights, but then I will take it from there. So for example, she was thrilled to introduce me to her two peeps. Right then and there, she called them up on the phone, told them about me, gave glowing reviews, and asked if she could share their contact info with me. They both agreed. So I’m thinking, cool. I’ll reach out to them in the next day. Well, D suggested I call or text them immediately “while the lead is warm” to set up a meeting.
Here’s the thing. I always prefer written over verbal. And when I receive a contact from someone, I have a basic template where I introduce myself, name the connection, and then describe where I am and what I am seeking… And I am a very deliberate writer in that, I like to proof everything so I’m careful with what I say and how I say it. So she’s like telling me to text and I explain that I’m emailing. Then, she’s like wow this email is taking so long, blah, blah. I just ignore her. Then she wants to be copied, which is fine. Long story short, I send off the email and we go to lunch. By the time we’re done with lunch, her friend replies with a meeting date/time. Then D reads my email and acknowledges that it’s good, but then she again pushes me to formalize the meeting immediately. I understand what she’s saying about the connection being warm and being top of mind. But it’s not so urgent that I have to meet the lady TOMORROW or schedule it immediately. I mean, the good thing about D is that she’s just trying to help in her own way. Most people do have shit follow-through, so action items are now or never. But with me, I’ll get it done. Don’t harass me about it, bc I don’t need your prodding.
I’ve been running up against a similar scenario with Bubbey. Maybe bc he doesn’t have his engineering team or coworkers to boss around and direct, he’s like starting to manage me, and I don’t like it one bit. I was telling him my plan for reaching out to industry practitioners to attend trainings, meet other realtors, and assess fit. D was thinking that if I got along with her lady, maybe I could join that office and ramp up even while I was waiting to take the exam. Bubs was also really focused on sussing out openings with these brokers…
The thing is, I first need to make sure I pass the test. Then, I’m simultaneously reaching out and learning about the events and different offices where I can prepare for the test and network with realtors and trainers. I dunno. Maybe he’s just sharing his thoughts, but I often feel like he’s reiterating what I’m already planning to do but somehow he thinks my approach is different from what he’s suggesting. It’s not. It’s frustrating bc I’m fine with spousal influence, but that influence has to run both ways. And that hardly ever happens with his personal/professional development. He basically just shuts down anything I propose in terms of networking and talking to people for ideas on projects and interest areas.
Anyway, in other news, my friend N arrives tomorrow. I have outlined a rough list of things to do so we’ll finetune after she gets here. Rover has been busy too. I had a meet and greet yesterday for a terrier who is kinda feisty and potentially annoying. She’s coming over tomorrow for daycare, so we can better test compatibility for boarding in early October. Then, I have another meet and greet for a referral client (from my esthetician) on Sunday.
Martin is kinda stressing me out. After the Paso Robles trip, J and I have decided that our only real option now is to have sitters stay in-home, bc Martin gets really confused in new environments now. I met a lady today who seemed good, but she can only do part of our Asia trip, and getting her exact dates of availability has been like pulling teeth. I mean, I need to know so I can cobble something together with another sitter! It’s stressful too just wondering if we’ll even need care for Asia if we put him down before then. Every day is different.
Ok, I’m pretty pooped now. Off to bed.
Love is in the Air (but O2 is NOT!)
So Bubs and I were in Aspen, CO to celebrate our 20-year anniversary. We had visited Denver/Boulder several times in the past (Boulder was on our list of places to live), but we’d never been to Aspen. Of course, I was trying to clock in another trip on Southwest, so without a second thought, I booked to DEN figuring we would just drive to Aspen. Well, the trip started off rather rocky. As soon as we arrived, we headed to Fox Rental Car. For some reason, when I was booking our plans, rental car rates were through the roof. Like $800 for four days. I checked EVERYwhere, including my goto Costco Travel codes and nothing. Finally, a few days later, I looked again and I was able to get Fox through Priceline for $300. Fine. Booked.
Well, turns out, there’s a reason Fox is the cheapest. There was a monster line of people, with the wait being an hour plus to the registration desk and then another 25 min waiting for them to pull the car around. Un-fucking-believable. And even more unbelievable, not a damn soul lost his/her cool. Between Bubs and me, I am the calmer one in situations like this, so I did the waiting in line and talking to the rep. But still. It was so damn inefficient and chaotic, I could have sworn we were on a bloopers show. Whatev. Got the car, and oddly, I was the only one taking pics of the car. I mean, if you read the Yelp reviews, Fox charges an extra $150 deposit and many people have complained about not getting it back. Especially with rental car companies, I always take videos/pics of the car before and after. I need proof of the condition just in case. People looked at me like I was cray cray, but heck, when dealing with swindlers, you can never be too cautious about CYA.
Off we went. John researched a little pierogies stop. Seriously, I had forgotten all about those delicious morsels filled with potatos and cheese. John had to remind me that those frozen buggers were a staple in my grad school diet. Jesus, those days where the days when my diet consisted of sub sandwiches, beans/rice, hummus/pita, and these carb-loading fuckers. Damn, my young metabolism was fast. I piled all kinds of fatty foods into my piehole to no consequence whatsoever. All that brain activity just burned everything up. Haha.
Anyway, the drive to Aspen was looong. Not too bad as a passegner considering that I sleep well in moving vehicles. It’s the oddest thing: I have insomnia and cannot sleep in a normal setting but once I’m in a moving vehicle, I totally zonk out. As if I’m drugged. For real. And that level of delirium/drowsiness was even stronger on this trip. I could NOT keep the eyes open to save my fucking life! So surely, I missed all kinds of gorgeous scenery. Actually, it reminded me of our honeymoon in SF in 2003. John had rented a convertible and we were driving down Route 1 along the coast… I mean, the most beautiful drive, right? And shit, I could not stay awake. Fucking lame-ass body.
As we got closer to Aspen, the roads started going higher in elevation (Denver was already 5200 feet) and getting more windy. So of course, I get car sick with the headache and nauseas. I pop a Dramamine (later than recommended) and by the time we reach Independence Pass on the Continental Divide (13,000 ft), I might as well be drunk. We get out of the car, start walking the path to the scenic point, and holy fuck, maybe just 100 meters in, and I am feeling all this pressure in my upper chest. WTF is happening? Light-headed, dizzy, and gasping for air. Fuck it. Let’s get back on the road. We gotta get to lower elevation. That was pretty much the story of this trip.
Once we got to Aspen, it was beautiful and we definitely ventured out into the city, into nearby Snowmass Village, as well as to the famous Maroon Bells. But man, we had all these plans to rent bikes and hike around… nope. All thwarted. We did some exploring but goddamn, we were tired! And that hotel bed was amazing! Limelight Hotel. Awesome. With a bed even more comfy than the Westin bed. For reals. I wrote down the brand of sheets and all. We slept a shit ton. And normally, the younger version of me would be all pissed about that. But shit, as 40 y/os who have seen it all, fuck it. We’re tired and the bed is comfy. Just give in.
Of course, we still tried hard to take advantage of the amenities. Daily breakfast was included and fucking delicious: hot foods, cold foods, fruit, sweets, savories… everything. The pool and hot tubs were amazing… impeccably maintained without the usual annoying over-chlorinated odor. One of the days, we took out the hotel’s Audi Q7, which is available to guests for a 2-hr test drive. That was fun, esp considering our Fox rental car was a POS Ford Focus with zippo power going up the mountains. I know, the Fox guy tried to warn me and upsell me, but dude, I’m already dropping $300 on your shitty business. No way.
Another day, we rode the Aspen bus (so clean and pleasant and also FREE) to Maroon Bells, a famous set of peaks set in a u-shaped basin formed by glaciers. Super cool. We had planned to hike the easy trail around the lake, but it was closed due to moose activity, so kinda a bummer but it was also pretty great spotting two meese brothers. Not as up close as in WY, but still solid.
What else. I learned that Aspen is the most expensive town in the USA. Holy fuck. Anytime I travel anywhere, I pull up Zillow just to scout out real estate prices. Aspen had so many properties like consistently in the $10-15M range. Mindblowing. I mean, it’s def a cool old mining town, but I mean, the big city is so fricking far away… like 3 hrs! If it’s gonna be the most expensive town, it had better have good big city access and amenities. And the landscape was beautiful but I mean, it wasn’t Banff gorgeous or Grand Teton majestic… I guess we were also in the shoulder season. Maybe fall with the changing leaves would be more impressive on the global scale. Or maybe if we were winter sports people… Oh and holy crap, so white. I think the whole time there, I saw one black person and maybe four Asians, including myself. What??
Food was tasty but not blow-your-socks off good. I know, I sound like a lame pu-pu platter. I’ve just traveled so much that it takes a lot to impress me, right? Haha, what a fucking snob! Our anniversary dinner was at some fancy restaurant run by the chef of Nobu. As John’s sister commented earlier, a mountain town with no Asians is probably not the best place to eat sushi… and well, touche. To make matters worse, bc I had an alcoholic bev at the French bistro for Happy Hour beforehand, I think the altitude sickness got triggered again by dinnertime. And unfortunately, we had to rush out of the sushi place bc I seriously thought I was going to barf. I know, I swear to God, we are being taped on the Truman Show. Only us.
Our journey back home was another laborious ordeal. For the entire 3-hr drive back to DEN, it poured rain. We were just feeling so tired that we decided to go home early and try for the earlier flight. Well, Southwest was gonna charge us another $300 pp to hop on the earlier flight so that was a no go. Instead, we hung out at the airport Westin and then walked around the airport… for like 5 hrs. At this point, we were still having labored breathing. So the moral of the story for us? We aren’t rated for high elevation. And it’s time to hit the gym to strengthen our cardio. I mean, the books all say altitude sickness can affect all kinds of people, from young to old from athletes to non-fit people so maybe it’s not a reflection of our physical fitness. But regardless, we’re scared straight. Peru and the Inca Trail is off the bucket list until we can train up our bodies. In the meantime, it feels damn good to be back home breathing all this abundant oxygen again!![FAG id=7472]
Conflict Management
I have to say, one of the most challenging things about adulting is conflict management. Sure, I’ve had a lot of experience growing up with my crazy Chinese family, dealing with their steady stream of unsolicited radical honesty, but I dunno, conflict with family is always different (at least for me) from conflict with the world.
I mean, it’s no secret that I have a temper.My mother always explained that she was super stressed and unhappy during her pregnancy with me, so Vicky the fetus got bombarded with negative hormones and juices. Yep, I practically bathed in that shit. In my father’s younger years, he also had a really short fuse… So I guess you could just blame genetics.
Needless to say, my family has always triggered the worst behavior in me, with well, what I would describe as fits of rage. In the working world though, I always managed to keep my temper in check. It probably helped that the triggers were less inflammatory and the issues were less personal. Still, no matter how often conflict has found me, it still makes me uncomfortable and nervous and uneasy. I may appear outwardly calm about it, but inside, it’s just eating away at me. Curse of the overthinking mind, right?
So yesterday, I had another restless night. First, I kept hearing noises and I just felt somewhat fearful and quasi-unsafe. Like mentally, I was freaking myself out about an intruder or whatever. Then I was stressing again about my real estate class and how I’m behind schedule and how am I gonna get this shit done and how am I gonna be an agent. Fucking self doubt.
This morning, my realtor called at 8:30a. I immediately rolled out of bed and answered the phone trying to sound like I’d already been up and running for hours (!!). He basically called to revisit our last conversation. For 15 minutes, he urged me again to drop the price more and re-engage the last interested party. Back and forth, we went. I talked about new properties in the neighborhood that just got listed (they’re listed even higher), the open house scheduled for Sunday, how my grandmother’s house sold for asking after sitting on the market for months… He just kept saying I should trust his expertise, and a deal shouldn’t fall through over $2k. The whole time I was reluctant but finally, I agreed to an “attempt to re-engage.”
After I got off the phone, I kept replaying that shit in my head. Why is he in such a rush? Why do I feel bullied? Later in the morning, I talked to Bubbey. He said it wasn’t about trust or questioning the agent’s expertise. It’s a disagreement on the market value. The agent says one thing. I say another. But J reiterated that the agent is my representative. He can argue his case, but ultimately, it is MY decision. And that’s where I need to assert my position more strongly. Bubbey, man: world-class EQ, I tell you. His point was good one, and I think part of all this stress is that the conflict and style of exchange has been bothering me since last week… But J was right. It’s not an emotional thing. I put in money for the renovation. I’ve been managing this property for years and in the end, I want top dollar for it. End of discussion. Whew. Are you feeling my growing anxiety over here? The good thing about me? I do what has to be done. I will have the conversation or discussion that no one wants to have (e.g. Eating disorder intervention, alcoholism intervention, what have you).
So I emailed my agent. Yes, a call probably would have been better but it’s past 5p over there and I’m better in written form. So I stated my position more strongly and now, the ball is back in the agent’s court. Stay tuned.
Meanwhile, my dad called this afternoon bc he got into some feud with the pest control company. Long story short, last summer, there was a squirrel problem at the townhouse, so dad signed up for pest service. I guess the seasonal plan auto-renews, which he didn’t know bc he didn’t read the fine print on the back of the contract. So this July kicked off the new season and dad got a bill. He called the corporate office. Then the local office. Then, the local manager. They argued back and forth for 20 minutes, and my dad claims the guy said “fuck you” a bunch of times and then hung up. So who gets called in to resolve this issue? OnStar of course. Ugh.
So I call the guy. He’s hard to understand bc he mutters, his voice is low, and he’s in the car. He explains and says the charge was for take down service after the new season started and my dad called to discontinue service. So I just say that I want a copy of the work order and tech invoice to see what was done. Then I say, yes, the auto renewal was on the contract but no one fucking reads a contract esp when the vendor is standing there in front of you waiting on your signature. They should really give people a heads up like hey, the new season is starting next month and you are on track to auto-renew… Anyway, he agrees to send me the work order files after he gets home.
And then, I call him out on being rude to my dad. Fuck yeah, I did. I just said, I know sometimes it’s hard to communicate with someone whose native language isn’t English but there’s no need to be rude and unprofessional. Then he explained that he’s Hispanic (doh!!) and he doesn’t have issues with different cultures but my dad kept cutting him off and wouldn’t let him talk, so after 20 minutes, he said he had to go. Fair enough. I mean, my mother is NOTORIOUS for cutting people off. My father not so much, but if he thinks you are ripping him off, he can get argumentative. As for the cussing, was the dude saying “stop” or “fuck.” I don’t know. I apologized for dad cutting him off and please send me the work order. At most, not a huge deal. Dad would be out $70. I mean, some people might just pay the $70 to be done with this bullshit, but you know, part of it is the principle of it. Auto renewals are always super sketchy and I mean, if you’re yelling and/or cussing at my dad, that’s not cool either. So it got worked out, but that kind of interaction is fucking stressful as hell. So now I’m totally drained.
Time to pet my doggies and then try to salvage the day with some studying. Quickie trip to Palm Springs kicks off tomorrow (I had Southwest credits to burn!). Woot, woot!
Squalor
Martin’s been doing pretty well these last few months. I swear, the presence of my Rover pups– even if they don’t interact that much with Martin during their stay– works some kind of magic on him. That said, with him being as old as he is, magic only carries us so far. Yep, things are definitely starting to break down with poor old Marty. In recent weeks, I’ve noticed that he is SUPER slow getting himself situated in his bed. He twirls and twirls and then finally just flops over. In his sleep, he’s been wetting his bed a few times a week. During the day, his back end falls down at the slightest bump or touch. When he stands to eat from his elevated bowl, his front and hind legs slide all around beneath him.
Cognitively, he’s slowed down a lot. But damn, he still gets so excited and happy to go for our walks. Sadly, he has trouble controlling his bladder: there’s like a continuous stream of urine on the sidewalk from our house to the park.
The morning of our flight to LA, he shit in the house for the first time since like the early 2000s!! Yeah. I woke up all bleary-eyed that morning and walked into the kitchen. John was already up, watching tv. I looked at him, and he said, “Well, that happened last night…”, and he pointed to a drippy pile of shit on the green mat next to the front door. Mind you, at this point, Bubs had already been up for hours. No matter. He just left the poop there. Nice.
That’s the thing about Bubs. He’s a total wuss when it comes to bodily fluids and anything remotely related to black water. Every damn time, his defense is that he leaves that shit to the “solid waste expert.” Um, I haven’t been a solid waste engineer since 2001, dude. Sigh. What can you do: that’s my Bubbey.
Remember that time when I was home alone and both bathrooms flooded? Yeah, when I told Bubs what had happened, he was so relieved to have NOT been home. Had our roles been reversed, he would have just left the premises and posted the house for sale. I know, thank goodness we don’t have kids, right? Can you imagine? They would just be hanging out in their diapers chock full of urine and feces. I’d be horrible in my own way too: I mean, you know I would be overstretching the use of each and every one of those plastic, super-lined fuckers. Diapers are THE worst: they remain fully intact and last FORever in the landfills. Just sayin’.
So anyway, while we’re on the topic of bodily fluids… this other time? Martin puked on the carpet. Bubbey’s solution? He ripped off a few sheets of paper towels, folded them over into a square, and then patted the squares right on top of the puke. Just covered it up with a paper towel and continued about his day. I removed the paper towels today, thinking it was just a random cleaning square that the wind blew onto the floor. Nope. Puke stains underneath. Are you disgusted yet by our squalid conditions?
Anyhow, now that Bubs is back East for a few days, I’m taking the opportunity to do some more cleaning. Today I actually replaced all the floor runners in the house. The other day, we came across some cheap runners at Costco, so today I came home with like five of them. Not a very chic look for the designer Houseboat, but at this point, with Messy Marty and Queasy Bubbey, we just need something practical and cleanable. The grip on these new runners is amazing btw. Vacuuming was a total breeze!
Like a Boss
Wow, my mind is still buzzing from all the stimulation at BlogHer. My latest thoughts? I’m feeling the need to beef up my knowledge of personal finance and investing. I know, as boring and dry and tedious as that sounds, I am determined to get a handle on this aspect of my life.
So I’m gonna start by coming clean with a major confession. I am 40 y/o, and I have never ever done my own taxes. Yes, I know. WTF kind of Bubble Girl life have I been living? My friends insist that doing taxes is not that hard and with TurboTax, the task is pretty straightforward. Still. I have never done it on my own. When I was growing up, my father had a CPA who did taxes for his business and investments. As soon as I was of working age, my father had me stashing away my paltry internship stipends into various IRAs. At the time, I just did as he advised, bc I mean, as a 16-y/o, I really didn’t give two fucks about the details of “adulting:” I instinctively trusted what they said as best practice. As I evolved into an adult, I continued doing the same habits: maxing out my 401k contributions and stashing funds into IRAs. When I joined forces with Bubs, he took on the responsibility of doing our taxes bc he had been doing his taxes since forever. As a side note, can you believe J and I are celebrating 20 years together this month? It’s crazy to think about just how young we were when we got together. We met when we were mere 20-y/os and then we got married at 26/27. I feel like, when people hear about how young we were, their reaction is similar to mine, like if I were to hear about someone having a baby/getting married as teens or newbie college grads. It feels like, inappropriately young, you know?
Honestly, it’s a fucking miracle that we are still together. Haha. I mean, yeah, we’re both amazing people 🙂 and all, but shit, two decades is a long-ass time to grow together, through so many big life changes. And I mean, not to throw the hubs under the bus, but Bubbey has A LOT of quirks. I know, most people who know us probably think I’m the more difficult/challenging person to tolerate of the two (It’s ok, I know Bubbey’s got that world class social and emotional intelligence that makes him instantly loveable), but shit, he can be difficult. The road hasn’t been all smooth sailing. We’re both super stubborn beotches in our own ways. But I digress…
So yeah, I’m basically admitting to being a princess. I HATE that description, bc it totally suggests a coddled life (which in turn, conjures bad thoughts about my brother…) but at the same time, my background is what it is.
Fast forward to BlogHer. One of the speakers was a former Wall St. baller. She talked about how financially, women are often behind men, bc three big factors work against them: 1) the pay gap 2) an investing gap 3) falling out of the workforce to raise families. While year to year, the gaps might not seem significant, over the entire span of our working/earning lives, the differences compound into something huge. By retirement age, women have less money saved than men even though they outlive them! I came away from this talk realizing that I need to have a better understanding of my personal finances. I’m not talking so much about saving. I’m pretty good at that, but saving only goes so far.
By not educating myself about growing my money, I am only doing myself a disservice. For example, we’ve all read about salary negotiations and how women consistently avoid making the ask. Sure, it’s confrontational and uncomfortable but you know what? The difference is not just in that one moment/instant. The difference is cumulative. I just had a call last week with my friend P. Her boyfriend was urging her to ask for a raise. She had never done this before and she was so stressed. It made me think about a job offer I got many years back. I’d negotiated for salary before, but I was still so nervous and a part of me wanted to just not ask. But thank goodness I did, bc you know what? I got $70k instead of $48k. And if you factor in annual increases or whatever over a woman’s working lifetime, that extra lift is a big fucking deal. Thankfully, my friend made the ask. Unfortunately, her employer is undergoing some management changes, so no results just yet. Still though. No matter what, asking is better than just accepting.
Ultimately though, my takeaway is this. It’s great that I have my father and J as trustworthy, financially-savvy resources, but I need to know this shit for myself bc as I have seen with friends and family, life happens: divorce, cancer, whatever. If empowerment, independence, and self-sufficiency truly are my values, I need to step this shit up.
So the plan is this: I’m going to start reading this book published by The Motley Fool: Warren Buffett Invests Like a Girl, and I’m starting to ask questions, like immediately. This afternoon, I emailed Schwab with some questions about rollovers, and I also called Fidelity about my employer-sponsored 403b. Then I talked to dad about IRAs. My head kinda hurts now, so I’m going to go color my hair. See? Random thoughts all crammed into one head! And all of it discussed on the blog. I do what I fucking want, man! Haha.