Category Archives: Getting Shit Done

Sticking with the Program

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I’ve been feeling pretty good these days– mostly. And yes, I still credit the 7-Minute Workout. Job-wise, I’ve had a couple of setbacks. One of the family foundations turned me down last week. I was pretty bummed about it, because the content felt totally up my alley, plus I had a contact there. But it was a no-go. I kinda had some doubts after the phone interview, to be honest. Then this morning, I received a rejection email for a city social media job. It was kinda an underdog, because I wasn’t really intending to return to government work, but then I met the people and really liked them. I actually thought the interviews went phenomenally, but I dunno: it didn’t pan out. The good news is that my competitive side isn’t so hardcore that I’m completely crushed. I mean, I’m definitely an “in it to win it” kind of person, and so a part of me wonders what I could have done differently to change the outcome. Maybe it really was something small– an error with my timing, wording, language, etc. With the foundation gig, I emailed the director asking for feedback. Nothing. I did the same with the city. Probably nothing. It’s really too bad– kinda again shows the lack of humanity in the whole recruitment process, if you ask me. Anyway, moving on.

I am finding that dealing with rejection does build resiliency, so I guess that’s the silver lining in all of this. John likens job hunting to sales: so much of it is about the numbers. You really have to knock on a shitload of doors, have them slammed in your face, and then eventually, you score a win. My coach asks if I can trust the process and understand that this only means there is something bigger and better out there for me… I waver back and forth really, but even if I have my doubts, I have no choice but to carry on.

So, I’m still doing info interviews like crazy. I’ve done about 25 of them now. Super helpful. I’m meeting tons of incredible women. I think I’ve fine-tuned my ask now to the point of being pretty damn compelling. People hardly say no to me now. Muhahah. Seriously, I sought out five strangers recently, and they all agreed to meet!! In fact, today, the lady invited me to her fancy campus to have lunch. She said she gets tons of requests, and she just recently did six info interviews. From my email request to my face-to-face meeting, she said her experience with me really stood out above and beyond the rest. From the way I crafted my letter to the research that I did ahead of time to the type of questions I asked… she’s a Ph.D. in writing and rhetoric too, so her compliments definitely made me feel better given the earlier crap news.

What else. I finished my Coursera class on How to Change the World. The prof was so charismatic and inspiring, I think I developed a mild crush even. Haha. I’m still doing a lot of learning, reading, and research. I pretty much get inspired every damn day now that I’m living with intention and you know, doing all that hippy dippy “ask the universe” shit.

Setting Intentions

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The last few weeks have really illustrated to me the power of setting intentions. As you know, in early February, I started working with a coach, specifically for my job hunt. Honestly, I was very skeptical and reluctant in the beginning, but holy shit, I can truthfully say, big things have happened since. First, I can’t even express how debilitating my catastrophic thinking had become. It was still in fits and spurts, but man, when it came on, it was paralyzing. I still believe so strongly that my year-end sickness/depression/funk were all attributed to my poor mental state. Learning to re-train my brain a bit in how it reacts and responds to negative thoughts has been a total game-changer. Second, there is really something powerful about accountability. I mean, I consider myself a fairly disciplined person. There are some exceptions, but generally, when I say I’m going to do something, I follow through. With coaching, we establish a list of intentions (action items) every week, and I have to say, even with my discipline, there have been weeks where I came close to NOT completing my action items. Were I on my own, those items would’ve just moved to the following week. But with my coach, a few days before my next call, I go through my list and really force myself to get it done– almost like a homework assignment or something. The pressure of calling her and saying that I didn’t finish my homework from the previous week is so great that I will work on those info interview requests late into the night. No matter what, I meet that deadline. Third, the power of intention. Really. Who the fuck knew? In the last several months, I’ve been going to networking events, trainings, and conferences pretty regularly. As someone who used to have extreme social anxiety, I felt like I had pretty much conquered that limitation years ago. So my mere attendance at these events was already many small victories in and of themselves. But my coach asked me, “Do you want to set an intention for this upcoming tech meetup? or this conference?” Say what? Wasn’t it enough that I was going? Nope. By her question, I realized that I had gotten complacent with these events. I thought just showing up was sufficient for getting what I needed out of these things, but that wasn’t true. There was so much more there. So for the first tech meetup, I set an intention to 1) ask questions publicly during the talk and 2) make a real acquaintance. I talked to a lady who did communications work for Sierra Club. Super cool chick– someone I hope to see again at the next meeting. Not immediately useful per se, but she was a learner with really good political savvy, which I found insightful. Second, I managed to ask TWO questions during the talk. It was weird, but by going in with the intention of asking questions, it really kinda forced me to listen better and to concentrate, and it was really kind of liberating to get over that intimidation and just get involved in the discussion. So different!

So then yesterday, I went to a women’s leadership conference. I hadn’t really set an intention for it other than to go, learn, and be inspired. But over lunch, my friend L asked what I was wanting to get out of the event. And it just reminded me that really, I should have set an intention beforehand. So after lunch, I thought yes, I really should make some contacts. When I got back, I happened to sit next to one of the morning session panelists– a former journalism professor and current communications head at LinkedIn. She was a sharp lady who had a lot of really good points in the discussion. Just as she got up to leave, we made eye contact and then, I talked with her (again, not my usual MO). We only exchanged a few lines, but I thanked her for the session and said I really admired her courage in transitioning from tenured journalism prof to comms work at a startup. It must have been scary but also exhilarating. And then I gushed a bit about LinkedIn and how much I use it… Late last night, I sent her a connection request and bam! Now we’re connected, and I even think I would feel comfortable and confident enough to contact her again to do lunch. See? Isn’t that just crazy? For me, this is so in line with what I’ve been reading about with networking and connections… And yet I see now how I really had been holding myself back for so long without even realizing. I mean, I talk so much about how much relationships matter to me, how much communications matter and yet, I had already erected so many walls thinking that these humans wouldn’t want to interact with me because of xyz. But isn’t communications all about transcending those barriers? In my interviews, I talk so much about using tech to give sterile agencies and organizations an authentic, human voice to connect people both online AND offline because at the end of it all, progress and collaboration need real human connection.

I will always have a preference for written communication, and I will continue to feel reluctance and doubt and nervousness with strangers, but at least now I feel confident enough to move forward face-to-face anyway. And that’s been surprisingly liberating.

Networking Frenzy

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Now that my energy levels have returned to normal post-sickness (no mid-day nap needed), I am ramping up the job hunt like nobody’s business. Seriously. Four info interview requests (mostly to strangers) every week. Plus tech meetups. Followups. Webinars. Occasional ranch work tracking shit down (it’s starting to annoy me)… It’s pretty non stop, but I find it quite energizing. With all this outreach, does this mean I really am an extrovert? I dunno. I do have a way of turning goals into games…

It’s pretty funny, because on my coaching call last week, I was telling A how I sometimes feel really discouraged and dejected when strangers don’t respond to my requests for info interviews. I would spend all this time scouring LinkedIn for interesting people/companies, then I would research them, and try my best to draft a compelling email. I mean, at its essence, each request is basically a message of: I think you’re really cool. You’re working on amazing things. Do you want to be my friend and meet for coffee? Right? That’s pretty much the gist. So when no one replies, it’s like not being picked to join someone’s team in PE class. You know? I was also telling A that, even though I was reading all this job hunting advice about trying to contact hiring managers directly, I felt a little embarrassed aiming for the higher ups– people with real decision-making power. They might be really busy people, and who am I? Some nobody asking them to spend 30 minutes or an hour of their time? If, for example, I picture John’s face in place of these people, there’s no fucking way! His office is so chaotic and stressful. He doesn’t make time for strangers, right? So I was mostly reaching out to mid-level, non-supervisory people. I mean, they have all been super helpful still in providing information about culture and interview processes and things like that but… they are also less likely to be in a position where they can say, “Hey, this person is cool. We should work together.” Or, “I know someone she could work well with at XYZ company.” After hearing this, my coach reiterated that I indeed have a confidence issue. So, I was advised to write down every single accomplishment that came to mind from high school til now. She insisted that once I looked over my lengthy list, I would realize that I can talk to these people intelligently, and that I do have valuable knowledge and insights to offer.

So like a total nerd, I started the assignment. And though it’s a work in progress, I came up with only ten accomplishments for each phase: high school, college, grad school. Don’t you love how I break down my life into academic periods rather than say, 20s and 30s or even geographic locations? Needless to say, the list wasn’t helping. Hmph!

Then last Thursday, I boarded the plane to PHX. And holy shit, the craziest thing happened. I sat next to this guy in the front row. He helped me cram my uke and bag into the overhead bin. He just said a few things to me, but his tone was really friendly. He asked about the uke, and I answered briefly. Then, I posed this scenario to myself as I sat there next to him. I could A) respond as minimally as possible, which is my typical MO, and withdraw to myself, i.e. put on my headphones or B) I could share a bit more than usual and see where the conversation might go. So for the last year, I’ve been essentially studying all these things related to communications: social psychology, social intelligence, leadership, relationships, body language, positive thinking, going beyond the comfort zone for personal growth, blah, blah, right? A ton of “hippy dippy” stuff as John calls it. In that moment, I recalled a few of the info interviews where people admitted that they had actually scored their current jobs serendipitously. So I picked option B. Long story short, we had a lot to talk about from ukulele to music to serving on nonprofit boards to leadership development to communications to startups… Funny thing, he regularly travels to MD, FL, and lives in CA. I grew up in MD, went to grad school in FL, and now live in CA. Kinda weird, right? We chatted the whole time, and he was really engaging. I got his contact info, and then later, when we connected on LinkedIn, I saw that he had over 500 connections. Who does that?!?! We’re going to have lunch next week, and already I’ve joked that I may never need to interview for a job again, if he hooks me up with his LinkedIn connections…

In other exciting news, I had my first interview in over six years yesterday– a government agency social media job. Of course, I studied up beforehand, and then I set several  intentions to stay calm, to speak more slowly, and to frickin’ calm the fuck down. To my surprise, I actually rocked the interview. Shiit! I mean, in retrospect, there were still some areas where I could have responded better, BUT there were 5 panelists, 8 questions, and only 30 minutes for everything, so given the situation, I was super pleased!! Yay. And today, I found out that they were pretty pleased also: I got called back for round 2 next week! Yeehaw!! The agency definitely seems like a cool place to work: their tech work is pretty adventurous and cutting edge, and there’s a sizable team of social media/digital communications players, which demonstrates some decent buy-in. That said, the position offers NO benefits, and it’s only budgeted for one year with the possibility for renewal…  eh, we’ll see what happens.

I also scored several bites with my info interview requests to strangers last week!! I know, I’m on a roll!! I think I am fine-tuning my ask to something pretty polished, because my yes rates are high! So I have an info interview tomorrow on Sustainability work at Intuit, a meeting next week with Salesforce Foundation, and a yet unscheduled meeting with a tech consulting firm. The universe is answering me, right?? Pretty exciting!

Feeling Better

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Well, since my last “woe is me” post, a lot has happened to help me climb out of my new year’s pit. First, we got some rain in the Bay Area, which is much needed. Second, Bubbey recovered from his sickness, and third, I had my Dumpling Happy Hour (CNY Do-Over) on Tuesday night. The group was much smaller than what was anticipated for the original bash, but the party was still a success! My bud even took this artsy pic of my dumplings, hand crafted with love!

I had my first call with my career coach. She helped me realize that I was doing a lot of catastrophic thinking these days, particularly with regard to my job hunt. I was feeling all lame like no one saw anything I had to offer, and at the end of her questioning, I came to see that yes, I’ve only seriously started applying for jobs that I want (communications officer spots in the social good sector) since the start of January. And I WAS sick for 3+ weeks, so… All in all, I had only submitted FIVE applications. Yet all along, as I was conducting all these info interviews, somehow I had convinced myself that those people should have been so impressed by me that they should have wanted to work with me… I know, even though the info interview was always really couched as an opportunity for me to just learn more about their work and their jobs. Confidence issues. I had turned it into this entire thing about me not being compelling enough…

So thankfully, my coach set me straight by pointing out the ridiculousness of my logic. In fact, I even felt a little embarrassed afterwards. Just goes to show you how even a generally level-headed, logical person can get herself twisted into these spiraling predicaments. John is especially thankful that I am working with A, because in many ways, she reiterates what he’s been telling me the whole time, but you know, sometimes you just have to hear it from the outside. He’s feeling redeemed. 🙂

I had a really good info interview on Monday with a woman who had done over 70 info interviews over a period of five years. Yes, five years ago, she started a new job and within a few months of starting, she knew it was the wrong fit. So for the next five years, she did all this self work and exploration and finally, she landed somewhere good. Now she works for a social good/philanthropy consulting firm. I was encouraged to hear her story– to see her perseverance. Later that day, I also received an email from a guy who used to work at my former place. He was a super duper rockstar, and he emailed me that his new place of employment (up in Sonoma) was hiring a communications person, and he thought I’d be great for the job. His message just really made my day. I don’t have my horse just yet, so we don’t have plans to move up to Sonoma until then, but goddamn, I felt really touched that he liked this idea of us working together again. 🙂

So my assignments for the week are to continue info interviews and job apps (maybe even consider writing “pain letters” instead of cover letters) and then to work on some coping strategies: daily meditation, a bit of cognitive behavioral therapy to combat negative thoughts, and more uke.

Yesterday, I got some great news also. I got a call for a phone interview with one of the foundations next Monday!! Yeehaw!! So I have a few days to prep and obsess. I know, don’t put all my eggs in one basket, but hey, I’m thrilled to get a bite.

In other news, Remy’s still not doing so great. This morning she had another episode. They are so strange: always in the morning, always right after she starts eating. She’ll suddenly stop eating, stumble down the hall into the bedroom, lie down, start panting, and then the wailing begins. Just 10 seconds and then it’s over. I don’t know what the hell is going on. I’ve described it to the vet a bunch of times, and it’s still just not clear whether it’s a seizure or what. Could be cancer, could be pain from arthritis, could be neurological degeneration. Today, her body was actually tense rather than limp like usual. Her front paw was totally extended and stressed, and in the process, she squeezed out a few dumplings. My poor baby. But then after she sleeps a bit, she’s back to walking around every now and then searching for snacks.

I spoke with the vet two days ago, and this guy is just a total realist. He was like that two years ago when he first saw Remy for her doggie vertigo (which now they actually call a stroke). He just uses blunt language that you know, reminds me that the end is near. He told me she’s basically in palliative care now, so we can tweak the meds to try and make her more comfortable, but she’ll never be back to where she was… the body is degenerating. The thing is, I’ve known this for a long time, and yet, I don’t know: it’s like I fool myself into thinking otherwise. I just don’t know how I’m going to let her go. I know she’s lived a good, long life, but she’s still so soft and her eyes still watch me when I move about the room… Ugh. The doctor said when his dog got really old, the same thing happened: the back end just couldn’t move. The front end was still lucid, but she was a dog that loved to run and go outside. Then she started peeing and pooping on herself, and he could just see that she was no longer happy. I have to remember that, and everyday I have to ask myself if she’s still happy.

The Magic of My Hugs

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Earlier this week, I reported that Remy was having those strange heavy panting-collapse episodes. I had spoken to the vet tech and explained the scenario. To me, it seemed like behavior that was following down the path towards seizure, but somehow things would only get to phase 1 rather than like phase 3 (convulsions). The vet tech didn’t really know what it could be, but she said it would be most helpful to them if I could video the incident. Also, if her episodes don’t increase in severity or frequency, we can just continue status quo. I did notice, however, that her walking was a little bit stiffer, so I upped the Tramadol to three times a day from two. So the vet had been out of town, but this evening she gave me a buzz back. Remy is doing pretty well again. She still isn’t at the level from two weeks ago where she was doing amazing, but she’s getting herself up regularly and she’s returned to her habit of sniffing around the house in search of snacks, so honestly, I think that’s as good as we can get. When I explained the most recent incidents, I said it was weird that they were less intense and passed more quickly than before when there was wailing and convulsing. I suggested it was related to me hugging Remy tightly during the onset. The doctor said if those symptoms are triggered by pain, the experiences are probably less severe now, because she’s on anti-inflammatory and painkilling meds. Haha, here I was thinking that it was the magic of my hugs and massages in the moment that saved my Remy from something more traumatic. I’m such a dork.

In other news, John stayed home again tonight. I slept better last night because 1) Bubbey slept on the couch so his snoring wouldn’t bug me 2) Remy zonked out most of the night from that third dose of Tramadol. I still woke up automatically at 2 a.m. though. For some reason, I use the bathroom every night at that time. Thankfully, I feel back asleep. But by morning, when I had a 9 a.m. conference webinar, I was still tired. Then I had an 11 a.m. webinar. Plus more calls dealing with my dad’s DC condo. I think the second repair tech finally diagnosed the problem. A part is on order and hopefully, next week, we will have a  long term fix. But yeah, the rest of the day, I was just so tired. Stayed in my yoga pants… I need to get my shit together!! Tomorrow I have a morning info interview with a lady at Coursera, followed by lunch with my career coach. Yup, I’m doing it. Time to get this shit going.

This evening, while I was prepping questions and topics for my info interview, I did all this reading on Coursera. What an amazing concept. I just signed up for another class on logic/reasoning/arguments through Duke. I really wish and hope that my next job will energize me about learning.

What else. Tomorrow is Chinese New Year! I have a big party on Saturday… there is so much I need to prep, but damn, at this point, I just need to make sure Bubbey is over his sickness and I have most of the ingredients. Ugh, I don’t feel ready. Oh well.

Dragon Ass

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Dayum, I started this week off with big dreams. On Sunday, I was back in the saddle  for the first time in a month. I had a decent ride, but John accompanied and afterwards he made some kind of comment to the effect of: After 2 1/2 years of lessons, I dunno where I expected your skill level to be, but it was supposed to be higher than what I’m seeing.

Ugh… I know, it sounds worse than he had intended. But he’s also kinda right. Maybe I had even envisioned myself roping cattle by now. I don’t honestly remember what 2.5-year milestone I had set when I started. I probably did expect myself to feel more confident and comfortable when riding out in the fields and on the trails. But these days I spend most of my time in the arena, because I like to work on the technical aspect of riding. I’m a bit perfectionist that way. I feel like being out in the fields is too distracting, and I can’t focus/obsess on the horse’s feet and steps and cadence. I’m such a lune.

Anyway, whatever. Riding was a nice way to kick off the week, but then that evening, Bubbey got sick, as I mentioned yesterday. Sunday night I slept like crap again. Remy was restless at night. I’m telling you, this sleep problem is going to be the death of me! On Monday, John stayed home sick. I was on nurse patrol, checking his temp every few hours, going to the grocery for nourishment, cooking up meats that had been out of the freezer a tad too long. I upped the dosage for Remy but then I ran out of meds, so it was only upped for like a random day. Back to the vet. You get the story: tedium, tedium. Suddenly, the day’s over.

Today, I was to start anew. Bubbey was sick in the morning but decided to go in later. I was going to do job apps, proceed with the coaching, do my virtual storytelling conference, and do my class, etc. Then my dad’s email account (which he has me check, esp while he’s away) gets an email that the heat is out in the rental condo, and the tenant is freezing. Well believe it or not, that shot my whole day, because it’s fucking 10 degrees in Washington these days. So I was on the phone nearly all day back and forth with like six people trying to coordinate a repair appointment and trying to get this issue resolved. Repair man said one thing. Building manager said another. Then for some reason, everyone had a middle man, so rather than speak directly to the repair tech, I had to go through his dispatcher. Rather than talk to the tenant, I had to speak with her boss who actually signed the lease on behalf of the company. And seriously, the tech and building manager had totally opposite takes on what was wrong. Tech said it’s a building issue. Building manager insisted it’s specific to the heater inside the unit. Round and round and round. Now the tech has turned on the emergency heat so the tenant is happy, but there are still questions on what the culprit is. I had to call my dad overseas twice to see whether any parts had been replaced, blah, blah. To be continued tomorrow. The webinar I was trying to take today as part of the Virtual Storytelling Conference this week? Shot to hell.

Ah well, the good news today is that I randomly contacted someone for an informational interview, and she said yes! Now I have two interviews for Friday. Interestingly, late last night I watched/read a bunch of postings by the Human Workplace. I love the lady Liz’s spunk and sass. But as much as I agree with everything she says, I have a hard time believing there are actually companies out there really, truly ok with deviating from the established recruitment process. Seriously. Just this week, I called Yahoo to inquire the hiring manager’s name for their division, Yahoo for Good. I had spent all this time scouring for the contact online but to no avail. When I called to ask, they said they don’t give out that info. Really? You can’t tell me the director of one of your divisions? Then I also asked about reaching out directly to the hiring manager for another position I applied for. I was advised from an internal source to let the normal process play out a bit. I mean, maybe to Liz’s point, some rules are just meant to be broken. I dunno. Job hunting really is a weird ball game.

In other news, John and I switched from Verizon to T-Mobile two Sundays ago. Unfortunately, reception at home is now worse than ever. John was stressing about his mistake to switch over, so I called T-mobile and spoke with a bunch of reps to get a signal booster sent out to us. Blah, blah, the unit was supposed to be expedited, but someone fucked up and the UPS Ground was irreversible and no more units could get shipped to me. Yeah, unbelievably complicated. Well tomorrow is finally the day of delivery. I sure hope this signal booster works, because I am not about to take on yet another logistical task to suck all my fucking time.

Newfound Clarity

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I came out of the personal development workshop Saturday with some new affirmations and clarity. Last week, I submitted two applications for communications officer positions at some area family foundations. My former District board member is actually a long-time operations manager at one of the organizations, so I hope that boosts my chances. Fingers crossed.

But among my epiphanies last week, I realized that I really am the kind of person who has to have meaning in the content of my work. That’s what drives me every day. So while some people can have work provide the resources for their lifestyle so they can derive meaning/purpose from outside activities, that scenario just wouldn’t work for me. My identity is too tied to my work.

I also feel more strongly now that my next job has to be in communications– written, oral, online, etc. I just come alive when I communicate information that is compelling, influential, and/or entertaining. So this week I hope to find some relevant associations/institutes/training where I can attend communications workshops and seminars and such.

Third, I want to start incorporating better habits into my life. I want to keep blogging and meditating. I’m going to try the Zen meditation center in Redwood City again. John and I only went once years ago. And then I want to get back to exercising regularly and eating better. My long sickness really reminded me that I need to take better care of myself and try to get quality, solid sleep.

I started reading a book last night on leadership by John Maxwell. I never thought of myself as someone interested in being a leader, because I never wanted to manage people. But turns out, I had the definition of leadership all wrong!!! It’s about influence through relationships that are built on character and trust. That’s why the GM is a manager but an awful leader. One chapter I read last night just made so much sense connecting all the dots!!

And then moving forward, I want to stay focused on my priorities and criteria for my next gig. There really are some non-negotiable parameters, and I need to stand strong on them. Previously, I’d been so damn wishy washy about what work environments could work. But essentially, I figured I would make whatever adjustments necessary. Now, I see that I don’t have to settle! I have to work with top notch people who are as obsessed with learning and improving as I am. The culture has to be collaborative and supportive and nimble, and the content/mission of the organization has resonate with me. That’s just the way it has to be!

I’m considering giving one-on-one coaching a try. I think I would get a lot out of it. I hope to decide on that this week.

The Phoenix Rises

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I made considerable progress this week staying in and sleeping a shitload. The infection is gone now (at least it feels gone), and I’m just battling remnant congestion. Whew! Today I am finally feeling near normal… three weeks later, of course!

Now I gotta get back to normalcy, because shit, I was forced to wipe my calendar clean for three weeks!! I missed out on all kinds of fun (I know, it was killing me!). This weekend I’m doing an all-day “dare to reinvent yourself” workshop tomorrow, and then I’ll probably just lay low the rest of the weekend. My strength is still sub-par. I’m considering climbing back into the saddle on Sunday while the rest of the town watches football, but I don’t know. We’ll see. All I know is, next week all my social activities are coming back online. Enough is enough, I tell ya!

In other news, I’ve got my next Coursera class lined up. Also, I’m getting back on the job application wagon. Yup, I sent out two apps this week, including one for an area family foundation seeking a digital communications officer. I spent all week crafting my letters and fine-tuning my CV and portfolio. I shipped the second app out this afternoon, so I could stop obsessing over the holiday weekend. Fingers crossed!!

Ok, well I had a pretty packed day. My buds T and M came over for lunch today, and I made pork chops with mushroom sauce. They turned out ok; then again, those two are easy to please when it comes to food. I’m just about hitting a wall now, which works out since I’ll need to be up early tomorrow for my workshop. I’m going in with an open mind!

Doctor’s Orders

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Well, the doctor squeezed me in for an appointment on Saturday morning. Here I had been telling everyone (namely, my father) that I just had a scratchy throat and head congestion. No fever, no fever. He was like, you need to see a doctor. So I did, and as it turned out, I DID have a fever! A substantial 102 degrees even! Which means, if a 102-degree fever doesn’t even register with me, when I DID feel I had a fever, it must have been much higher. I’m a dumbass, and you know, looking back, even as a child, I ran crazy high fevers: 104-105 every time I got sick. Maybe that explains my brain damage.

Anyway, the doctor was concerned. She said, normally, a fever isn’t a big deal except that I was already two weeks into this sickness. I said I had a lot of head congestion so maybe it was just a sinus infection, but she said usually sinus infections don’t really cause fevers that high. I was really kinda taken aback, because seriously, I didn’t think I was running a temperature. And you know what? During the whole two weeks, I never once busted out the thermometer. Why? I dunno, because I’m stupid! I’m embarrassed to say that I’m the daughter of a physician. So fucking oblivious with my health, right?

Long story short, the doctor kinda wanted to do a chest x-ray, because she was suspecting walking pneumonia. Yup. I mean, I really should have expected something bad. After all, this is the same damn body that had shingles (a few times) and H1N1. I was a little reluctant about the x-ray though, because well, that shit is pricey. She said the treatment would be the same (antibiotics), but in case if I didn’t get better, the x-ray would give more information on what was going on. Something like that. I didn’t grasp it completely. I was a little zoned out.

She said something about me being sick for a long time (since December 29), and I think she was silently asking why the hell I had waited so damn long to see her. I didn’t really know what to say. I mean, when the symptoms got really bad, I took DayQuil and NyQuil, and then that made me feel good enough to leave the house and run errands, cook, do laundry. I guess I have the foolish thinking of a teenager: I’m invincible. I explained that I don’t really pay attention to my body. When it doesn’t feel well, I get impatient with it, and then I just power through because I don’t want to be inconvenienced. Even as I was telling her all this, I was still planning on going out that night on a double date dinner and concert in Santa Cruz. See? I’m incorrigible! Fortunately, I had enough brain cells left to ask if I was contagious, and she said, well yes, technically you are contagious until 24 hours after being fever free. And you have a fever now. Fuck. That was the only thing that made me cancel my plans.

Anyway, I’m now on that Zithromax, super antibiotics 4-day plan. On Sunday, I felt the best I’d felt in over two weeks. It had been so long ago, I had almost forgotten what that felt like. Naturally, I then wanted to get out and do all kinds of things. But I was trying to learn my lesson. I mean seriously. Walking pneumonia. Calm the fuck down. So I stayed home and in bed ALL WEEKEND LONG: watched some movies, did some meditation, sat around in yoga pants. It nearly drove me crazy, but this is what I have to do. In the new year, I really need to focus on getting rest.

For example, why do I wake up as soon as Remy walks to my side of the bed: 2 a.m., 4 a.m., 6 a.m. It doesn’t matter what hour of the night or morning. She doesn’t even whimper or paw at the bed or anything (like she used to). She just walks over quietly, and I wake up. Seems like I should be slumbering much more deeply… like she should have to DO something to wake me, right? So this is my new challenge for the new year. I have to start sleeping deeply, and I’m pretty sure deep rest is going to change my life! 😉

New Year, New Life

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How arbitrary to use the new calendar year as a marker for making changes. Oh well, whatever works, right? So, to celebrate the new year (belatedly due to illness), I re-arranged the living room. John’s been wanting some kind of nice leather reading chair for the living room, so we tried a couple of configurations to imagine a monster chair. I finally settled on this layout: the couch is in front of the tv, my orange patterned chair is against the window,  and the leather placeholder chair is next to that, separated by end tables. I also moved the floor lamps around. Anyway, I’m happy with it. Now, we just have a find a small form factor chair. I also added a “headboard” to my bed. It’s kinda funny, because I spent an afternoon surfing online for a tufted, taupe headboard. During the winter, John and I have been noticing that our heads get cold overnight. Our bed is placed along an exterior wall, and since the house has zero insulation, we can really feel the temperature gradient along the wall. So I researched headboards to death, and then, in the most random moment, a genius idea came to me! I had removed the back pillows to our living room sofa, because John complained that the seat wasn’t deep enough. Well, my sofa is taupe and tufted. Voila. So the width is a bit longer than the mattress, but what the heck? I’m pretty frickin’ pleased! Totally passable!

Other changes. I’m getting an office chair for my home office. Previously, I was sitting on an inflatable ball– great for the ball but awful for decor. I’m getting a rolling masseuse’s saddle stool. It’ll tuck conveniently under the desk when my daybed has to roll out, and it kinda goes with the cowgirl theme in there… being kinda saddle-shaped and all. 🙂

I had dyed my hair out of the box when I visited P in Long Beach last November. The deep red turned out beautifully, but I figured this time I’d go deep purple. This morning, I did it myself and let the dye set in really good– a full 35 minutes. Rinse, condition, blow-dry… and it’s fucking jet black. Now I look all goth and shit. Ugh. My friend insists that in the sun, you can see the violet, but what the hell? I can’t be walking around with a lamp on my head. I guess the changes can’t all be winners. I’ll let it sit a few days and revisit the issue.

Ok, now I’m off to do a home mani/pedi. My buddy G got me Birchbox for Xmas, so I’m dying to try out this new shimmery charcoal gray.