Category Archives: Getting Shit Done

Birthday Bash + Marty Update

So I neglected to mention my bday party last weekend. Too much going on these days. We had a good time: I changed up the guest list a bit due to limited space on the Houseboat. As usual, J and I were up super early cleaning and getting the smoker going, so by the time the party started at 4p, we were kinda already pooped. I know, we never learn. Still, we had a blast. I had a big contingent from my last workplace and then a dabbling of reps from the fuel cell startup and my current gig. Yes, I like to throw my buds into a big mix and see what comes. Haha. I think it works out fine; I never really ask them, bc frankly, I wouldn’t change the lineup anyway. That’s right: unapologetic, as usual. Hee hee.

My friend J, she’s about my dad’s age. She was so sorry that I was throwing my own bday party… even down to buying my own cake! She’s funny. On one hand, the modest Chinese in me does feel like, “Wow, you’re going to celebrate yourself?? Aren’t other people supposed to celebrate you?” On the other hand, I know that parties are a ton of work and well, I’m an ESTJ after all. If I want shit to happen, I pretty much gotta do it myself. Shrug. I have to say though, it was super helpful having my friend K attend. She has a master’s degree in counseling, so home girl is all up on Myers-Briggs and the love languages and psychological “conditions”, etc. In other words, she’s super keyed in. First time aboard the Houseboat, and she stayed late to wash dishes after everyone else went home. It was totally unnecessary, but at the same time, really thoughtful. A huge help. Fuck man, we had so many dirty dishes. So much so that J thinks we ought to consider disposable plates next time, esp since CA is in a drought and all. We’ll see.

Overall, the bash had a little bit of everything. Some people came early to watch the Belmont Stakes. We witnessed the first Triple Crown winner since Secretariat in the 1970s!! Later, we hung out, chatted, played a little bit of Jenga, and we even busted out the karaoke system. My bad: apparently, I was logged into my “work” YouTube account on this new phone, so I didn’t have my ktv playlist. So yes, my poor guests were subjected to “Unbreak My Heart” and then like three “do over” versions of “Kiss Me” bc I couldn’t find the right file. Haha. Unapologetic, again. Of course, later on K and her beau showed us all up with some rap song by NWA (I only remember this group, bc I think of Northwest Airlines). Anyway, they were damn good and frickin’ spot on with the beats and rhythm. Sigh. Rhythm is THE fucking bane of my existence. The good news though? I think I found some new KTV fans.

What else. On the actual day of my bday (Monday), I went to work bc well, wtf else am I gonna do? J drove down for lunch, and we tried a new pizza spot by Avaya Stadium. Then, he took me to the Rose Garden in SJ. Beautiful spot despite the heat wave that day. Good for me, but bad for him. For dinner, I left work early bc we had fucking old people reservations at 5p. Great meal, then back home for leftover ice cream cake. Yup, living it up while I can!

The rest of the week was pretty up and down. My buds took me out to dinner and a play (Urinetown) on Wednesday night. The play was so different than any other: a bit over the top with the narrator frequently talking to the audience. It was a long day and late night, but well worth it. Beyond that, Marty’s condition is still really touch and go. He had a few days where he looked really bad, so there was another trip to the vet, changes in medication, and back and forth phone tag. He’s now in Stage 3 of 4 for chronic kidney disease. We ordered some lactated ringer bags (sugar water + electrolytes) to start administering subcutaneous fluids at home. The whole ordeal is super stressful, handling the logistics of home care, getting Marty to eat/drink (cooking and prepping a bunch of different foods), tracking all the meds and symptoms, plus of course, mentally preparing for end of life stuff. Bottom line: it’s hard to have a good day when Martin isn’t doing well. Our latest plan is to give him fluids daily (instead of every few days) and see if that improves his appetite. Until now, his appetite and lethargy have been frustrating. With the fluids, J cannot handle needles so I poke and he holds Marty still. The tricky thing with kidney disease is that the kidneys remove toxins from the body. We’ve had Marty on a low protein, low sodium canned food diet since fall, when we first learned of his renal failure, but with this latest bout, he just WILL NOT EAT much or anything at all. And bc his weight is already trim, he can’t exactly afford to have him skipping meals. And he’s so finicky now, he won’t eat the special kidney diet food, so we’re trying to weigh feeding him foods he’ll eat (right now: chicken, beef, cheese) knowing that those foods are also high in protein and hard for his body to process. I’m hoping he’ll show some consistent improvement this week. Fingers crossed.

New Programs for June

J and I took a road trip to Santa Barbara last weekend. I actually took Friday off, and it was kinda weird: even though I could feel myself creeping closer and closer to the edge, the three days away somehow quantified just how much I’d let myself stray beyond my “happy” zone. The thing is, all this time, logically, my challenges were pretty straightforward. I already knew what the answer was… or at least, what part of the answer was. Still, for whatever reason, bridging that gap from knowing to doing is just not always easy.

I don’t like to use the word “depressed,” bc I know it’s a medical term that can apply to very extreme cases of mental illness. I don’t want to discredit/dismiss people who suffer from severe depression and who really require external assistance. I know that in many cases, combating depression is not just something people can WILL to change. That said, my recent funk had been going on for some time, where I frequently felt exhausted, lethargic, irritable, and unusually indifferent. I was also having more stressful dreams… I considered going back to therapy.

The weekend getaway helped me refocus on Bubbey and Marty. I mean, I don’t think it’s any real surprise that exercising (especially when you’re out of shape) forces the brain to stop the overthinking and get back to basics. We hiked at Carpinteria State Beach Park and the next day, we rented bikes in Solvang. OMFG, all the huffing and puffing after just a few short minutes really proved to me that fuck, I need to get my shit together!!! Part of me is mad for letting myself get so fucking out of whack. I mean, hell, this ain’t my first rodeo, you know??? I really should know better. But I suppose there’s little point in crying over what’s already done. I have to move forward and make changes to my life. Now.

So today is June 1 . My birthday is a week away, and reflecting on all the people and experiences I have had until now, I want to apply some lessons I have learned. I want to live and act consistently with my values. I know, so many vague hippie dippy words. What does all this mean?

1. Set stronger boundaries with work. I have struggled all my life with drawing this line. It’s complicated but obviously, these habits are tied to how I equate achievements with success and how I identify myself through work. I did minimal work while I was in Santa Barbara. I’ve started carpooling with a coworker in hopes of setting more stringent start/end times to my work day. I am also trying to exercise at lunch. The activity doesn’t have to be intense, but I HAVE to leave my desk and go outside.

2. Exercise. Yes, activity makes all the difference. I’ve witnessed the positive results before with myself (Hello, Fitbit!!), with John, and with Marty. It’s a no brainer. Tracy Andersen arms are coming soon. 🙂

3. Network. Eight months after pulling out of the job market, I can already feel my anti-social tendencies creeping back in. The thing is, I need to continue attending events, not only to keep my hard-earned networking/social skills sharp, but also to find new sources of inspiration. On Wednesday, I’m going to a Lean-In circle meeting in Palo Alto. The topic is social entrepreneurship.

4. Write. This blog is as much for you (ha!) as it is for me. 🙂 Getting some of my thoughts down in writing somehow clears the mental clutter and makes room for more productive and creative thoughts.

I have other things that I’m working on, but four is good for now. Pics below from our weekend getaway.[FAG id=7439]

Doggie Daycare

Last Saturday, I received a text message from my realtor friend. D and I were in close contact five years ago when we bought our house, but since then, she herself moved, had two kids, adopted a dog, and got preggers with her third child. After she had her two boys, we kinda just fell out of touch. As I mentioned in an earlier post, she frequently hosted big parties and sometimes invited me over for family/kiddie time, but it just didn’t feel like the right “season” for our friendship. Whatever.

So her text last week basically told me she was due the next day with her third child, and her dog sitter had bailed due to a medical issue in her family. Could I take her 85-lb, 3 y/o lab for a week or two while she gave birth and had time to bond with the family? First of all, to be honest, I have a slight bad taste in my mouth bc in the three years that they have had the dog, they have tried at least twice to give him away. Annoying. I mean, everyone knows labs are a crazy amount of work. Sure, there’s the whole glorified Old Yeller scenario: how cute would it be to have a puppy and my child grow up together, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, maybe I feel like them adopting him in the first place was a bit irresponsible. Like, have a better understanding of what you’re getting yourself into regarding parenting (multiple kids) and pet adoption. But whatever. Not everything can be fully anticipated. That’s life. So long story short, I replied that John just returned (two days prior) from a month away dealing with elder care issues, and we were already dogsitting his sister’s dog. We could possibly do Wednesday after that dog went home and then see. I had a dog sitter recommendation for her, but minutes later, I felt like that wasn’t a viable option due to my sitter having three dogs of her own plus living in a 500 sf apartment.

So for some illogical, emotional reason, I thought back to last fall when Martin was having all his kidney and bladder issues, and I had to ask like ten people about dog sitting for our trip to Taiwan. It was so stressful worrying about finding him a place. So I said to D that we could have the three dogs meet that afternoon and then see. So they came over, the non-Martin dogs were a bit growly. We all walked over to the park to get them acclimated, and the lab was HYPERSPAZ. Panting so loudly I couldn’t even hear the conversation, and just super energetic. Like thinking back to Remy and Martin’s younger years, I can’t even remember seeing a dog with so much energy and strength. Thirty minutes later, despite realizing that he’s going to be a ton of work, J and I agreed to take him. Then they schlepped in all his shit: a huge bag of dog food, a monster tote of supplies and toys, and then a 4 x 2 crate (formerly Martin’s airline crate). All plopped in my small family room. And yes, I had just deep cleaned my house that morning– mopped, vacuumed, everything. Fucking A. It’s one of those moments where you kinda don’t want to do something, but you do it bc you feel it needs to be done. Afterwards, there’s a tinge of regret. But whatever. We agreed and that’s that.

Now it’s one week later. B is a very sweet dog. John’s sister’s dog went home on Wednesday, and we’re down to two again. B and Martin are fine together. With J now on leave of absence from work, having B is helpful for giving us routine: up early to walk them and play fetch, etc. He slobbers and drools all over our wood floors when he drinks, and he sheds like crazy, but he’s really growing on me. He is eager to please, and the panting is subsiding somewhat. Maybe he is feeling more settled now. But the thing that really bugs me is, he’s been with us for a week. Not ONCE have we heard from the family. No text checking in 24 hrs later to see if the THREE dogs were doing ok together. No text asking if B is ok, if WE are ok, if the arrangement is still acceptable for us. I mean, no, we don’t have kids, but hell, there is a LOT going on in our lives right now. The elder care shit, even if we aren’t there in MD, is a huge mental worry. J not working, though financially feasible, is still something we are trying to figure out. We have decided to sell our house in Virginia bc the property management company SUCKS. I had to get our current roof here in MV repaired, and the work didn’t resolve the issue. Meanwhile, work is busy. I had a dream last night that my father died. I mean, there’s a lot emotionally and mentally that is going on. And all this time, while there is no inquiry with her dog, on FB, there are all these posts about winning recognition awards, the baby being late, the baby finally coming, and then the baby is here (but please, no visitors), photo shoot day, etc. WTF, people? Congrats on your baby. I get that parenthood is intense, but please, spare me the entitlement:

Thanks for calls and messages. I cannot get to them just yet. Lots of after pains for mommy… But baby is doing well. Please no visitors yet… Road to recovery has no shortcuts. Feel free to drop off a meal or pick up boys, especially B, to spend a couple of hours in the park. We cannot wait to share our new bundle of joy and her story with you all soon. Please keep sending your healing energy and prayers…

I can’t help but feel disappointed. Maybe I would give some more slack if these words were for close friends only, but for all? It’s a bit much, and frankly, pretty self-centered. In the end, I got sucked in. I responded to a perceived urgency. It’s my own damn fault. And to be clear, the scenario wasn’t the same as J and me leaving the country and needing dog care. The baby wasn’t even born yet! Whatever. I’m not going to use B like some pawn that gets shuttled back and forth from sitter to sitter. He’s already an anxious dog.

Oh well. My Peruvian posse is visiting for Memorial Day: four adults and one baby plus J, Martin, and me. It’s gonna be a full house on the houseboat. We’ll have B until then, and then he’ll have to go back. Hopefully, ten days will be sufficient for baby bonding and re-acclimation. [FAG id=7435]

Me Time to the Max

So Bubbey is still back East. He has been doing EVERYTHING there. His mom is still in the rehab hospital: she’s making decent progress with variations day to day, which is probably to be expected. The therapists indicated that she and my FIL are not suited to continue living on their own. Naturally, that triggered a cascade of events and lengthy conversations. J, his sister, and dad scouted out facilities and checked availability. At the same time, nearly each of the five kids individually chipped away at the parents, who adamantly refused to believe the necessity of this next step. After two weeks, they put down a deposit on a place. All the while, J is continuing daily trips to the hospital, meal prep for dad, de-cluttering, organizing, and now packing for the move. Eldercare is no fucking games. Looking back, I dunno what either of us were thinking. In our minds, we had some idea that we would be next to a sleeping patient, and we’d be able to crank out a shit ton of work. In reality, the patients were unruly and/or chatty and required constant attention.

I’m doing ok holding down the fort at home. Marty is getting particularly sticky again, but the good news is that he really is full of energy. For once in a really long while, I feel like I can at least stop worrying about Marty and his mortality. For now.

Typos and Other Boggles

Tonight I went back to reread some of my posts, and holy fuck, there were a gabillion typos!!!! Embarrass, occasion, steals, and many more… And I call myself a writer! Tsk, tsk. I mean, yeah, I’m cranking these babies out half asleep (hence the nose bruise STILL) but shit, where’s the damn spell check on this WordPress iPad app? I look like a fucking dumbass. Not cool, man.

So the weekend was fun, productive, but also stressful. I had a great time chilling with T and M for Craft Club. That was fun, and my horsey wool buddy is looking kinda cute. I still want to turn him into a zebra, but those stripes are gonna require some major hours… When I went to leave, I could NOT find my car keys. Twenty minutes of digging through my bags and purse and checking throughout the house. WTF? Finally, M found them in my black craft bag, which I had checked multiple times, feeling around the inside compartments and pockets even! How did they get missed? No fucking idea.

After that stress, I went to see M’s house for the first time ever. So fricking nice: new construction, lovely sunlight, a huge patio, really nice decorations and art inside… Seriously. None of my Ikea, Mickey Mouse, freecycle, put cheap prints into Michael’s frames bullshit. The thing is, she takes care of her shit, whereas we abuse our stuff. “That’s why we can’t have nice things.” After seeing the ridic level of cleanliness at both places, I got home and started a scrub down. Yup, the bag of rags (old socks and clothes) came out. I did the baseboards, the window sills, the windows, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, etc. In other words, I was exhausted. The next day, I pretty much just chilled. In the evening, as I was getting ready for bed, I could NOT find my work phone. Holy fuck. Not again. I searched the usual places. Did the Find my Friends app, which suggested it was across the street on a grassy median. Fucking A. 12:30 at night, and I am out there in shorts carrying a flashlight. I kept going around the spot where the marker was blinking on my screen. No luck. I re-searched inside. Then I saw cockroaches by the front door. Seriously?? I have never had problems with roaches. Later, in the middle of the night, I got up again and I saw a roach scurry away in the bedroom. WTF?  So then I researched roaches at about 3a. Baking soda. Like a maniac, I scattered baking soda all over the damn house, yes the same spots where I had earlier mopped and vacuumed to perfection!!

This morning, I woke up at 6a to go search for my phone again. Again, nothing. Argh!! Why am I misplacing things? Then began an entire cascade of self-abuse. What is wrong with my brain? I am losing my mind. This is the Universe’s way of punishing me for criticizing my mother, blah, blah. I tried to recenter. It’s just a stupid work phone. I’d been wanting to upgrade anyway. Just figure out what’s involved for an upgrade. Calm the hell down, crazy woman!!

The roofing estimator came by at 10. I had found his company on Yelp, where they had a shit ton of high marks. I also checked Google Reviews and BBB, etc. He was a super nice guy, and wow, having had two other companies provide quotes, he was the only contractor who said a spot repair was all that was needed to give us another 3-5 years. Hallelujah, mother fuckers! That was the sole good news of the morning.

Ok, I’m tired, so time to wrap this up. After work, I came home and searched again for the damn phone. For some reason, I decided to look in my car AGAIN. I looked under the seat. Then I looked super closely. There it was, fucking wedged in THE tightest of spaces between the driver seat and the middle console. I had to squish my hand in a very strange contorted fashion, but what a frickin’ relief!! I found the goddamn phone!!! Now, time to sleep.

Interaction Overload

Last weekend, after a very long hiatus, J and I headed back to our fav spot, the SJ Improv. I guess I was in need of some laughs, right?? My bud K and her beau D joined us at the club: they met Unabomber Bubs for the first time ever. We had a fun night, even if D and I were a little tired/off. He because of ice hockey. Me bc of I dunno what. Household chores or something totally lame. Seriously. I’ve been draggin’ ass for the last month. Allergies, mental clutter, who the fuck knows. Anyway, after the show (we saw the very funny Pete Correale, who is currently taping a tv comedy special), we headed to a a swanky spot downtown for some bites. Apparently, there was a Nerium (facial serum) conference going on, so we saw lots of guests wearing head to toe white. Very odd. K, being the maven that she is, had gotten the Nerium scoop after striking a convo with our waiter (who does that??) His take on the whole thing? A total scam. Just another Amway-like pyramid model. I dunno though. Just bc that shit is a pyramid structure, does that mean it’s not legit? I used to love Mary Kay, and my career coach was a MK rep for almost two decades!! Sure, I agree that for most participants, the income usually serves as supplemental at best (rarely sufficient to be primary or standalone income). But heck, there’s a lot to be said for the work flexibility, no? Not gonna lie: I have definitely considered being a MK rep a few times in my life. Anyway, it was interesting to get the 411 from our waiter. Bubs and I never have real conversations with the wait staff.

What else. Oh, I rocked my brand new bedazzled H&M pants that night. Earlier in the week, I had Instagrammed about my $7 steal, and people were clearly skeptical. But shit man, I pulled those babies off. Of course, at the end of the night, after peeling those skinnies off, I had seam imprints up and down the inner and outer sides of my legs. I know, it’s a fucking miracle I didn’t give myself permanent nerve damage from that shit. Ah well, it was worth it. Hee, hee. What is my longer-term goal with these pants? First, fuck yeah, I’m gonna get many more wears out of those things! Especially while Bubs is back East, I’m on a new program to curb the overflowing muffin top. Operation Old Pants Fit! 

In other news, at work, I have been doing way too much social interaction lately. I dunno what the hell changed, but I’m suddenly in more meetings and talking to people all the time!! And yes, the new chick T is super talkative. Holy crap. If I ever considered myself extroverted, next to her? I’m like a Unabomber Bubbey needing his recharge couch time. Seriously. So many interruptions!!! 

The thing is, I was really hoping after the big campaign last month that shit would settle down at work, but nope. Among other shit, we’re losing all of our interns in the next month. Now I’m trying to recruit/interview/hire newbies while still managing the existing lot. It’s all a bit much, to be honest. And then weird shit keeps happening where the institution freaks out over the lamest things. Stuff that I don’t even consider news is like all hush hush top secret. I don’t get it. Sure, in some cases where I don’t necessarily have the entire back story, I don’t mind just following instructions and getting shit done. Definitely, I have to prioritize and get on to the next item in my list. Still though. I do have a mind of my own, you know? I’m not just a fucking robot doing things without thought, right? So fricking draining.

April Distractions

So Bubbey returned from his East Coast trip on Monday night. Every time I go to get anyone from the airport, I always head up too early. Yes, I use the flight tracker, but I still arrive about 20 min too early. Happens every damn time, and I end up circling around the terminals really slowly, trying to avoid the parking nazis.

While hubs was away, I really enjoyed my me time, but I was also very happy to have Bubbey home again. The remainer of the week was ho hum The new academic quarter started up again with the kids returning from spring break, and of course, on social, we had to state the obvious:  welcome back from spring break, Happy April Fool’s, Good Friday, Passover, Easter, blah, blah.

Thankfully, we had Friday off. I lived it up with a bike ride and hike at Deer Hollow Farm with T. Always great to hang with a person who has a nice laid-back approach to things. He is really enjoying retirement, and dayum, I need to start exercising my lazy ass, bc T is in super duper shape with an intense regimen of TRX, raquetball, kayaking, biking… Yeah, I was pretty much huffing and puffing the whole damn time. Ridic.

In the evening, I met up with K. We scoped out an acapella concert put on by a touring men’s group from Oxford University. I had gone to a college acapella competition a few years back at Berkeley, so I was expecting something very similar. Nope, totally different. I could have sworn my friend was jonesing to get the hell out of that high school auditorium, jam packed with swooning high school girls getting all up in the grill of these college (gay) heartthrobs. The weird thing is, in my head, I had a totally different expectation for how/what these guys would look like: goddamn, these boys were soooo young looking. Surely when I was in college, the boys looked more mature than this!?!?! Overall, the music didn’t really captivate me. While I knew most of the songs, nothing really compelled me to get up and groove. On the contrary, I did leave there feeling inspired to work on my karaoke singing!

Actually yeah, one kid did really win me over with some amazing beat boxing at the end. Shiiit, if only I had rhythm, I would be all over that, adding it to the bucket list and all. But at this point in my life, I know my limits. Karaoke is the best I can hope for in the music category. Beatboxing ain’t gonna happen. Like ever.

I finally got ahold of my grandfather today. My parents have been really bad about calling me during the day, and whenever I call the room, no one ever answers the darn phone. Anyhow, he’s doing well. He still sounded a little confused about where he was and what had happened to him, but physically he is gaining strength and eating by mouth. Unfortunately, Dad said there was some discharge coming out of his G-tube, so doctors are worried there might be an infection in that area. Even though he is eating by mouth and not using the g-tube, you can’t remove it until 6-8 weeks after insertion. Something about the tract internally needing to seal so there isn’t leakage…

My dad sounds insanely tired, and for some reason, my mom is staying at the rehab hospital overnight. My grandfather has been unruly, ripping tubes out and such, but still. What can they do for him overnight, while they themselves are exhausted and resting? My father says both grandparents are going to move back home with them after the rehab, but I’m skeptical. I mean, seems like the house would have to have some retrofitting, and my parents would need to hire someone with physical strength to help my grandparents get around. I dunno. Every time I bring it up with my dad, he says they have to first see how things progress. Personally, I think there needs to be a better plan with contingency options, but maybe my parents will also have to gauge their own capacity with providing eldercare. Just in case, I think I will have to do some research about transportation and physical assistance.

I have to say, my mind feels so cluttered these days. I am really sruggling with trying to stay motivated at work. Thank goodness for my peeps at the office. Good people definitely play into the overall equation.

Mother Meltdown

I had another tough time falling asleep last night. We were at the hospital late, and then dad kept obsessing about getting all his MileagePlus points and money back for my brother’s missed flight. I asked Johnny to call and take care of it, but surprise, surprise, he said and did nothing. No, I don’t expect an immediate turnaround from the other side of the world, but I do expect some reply with an ETA. Whatever, he’s a fucking flake. So after a full day, I still had to get on the damn phone with customer service to process the return. Done.

Then I was up late chatting with my bud N about all the shit that had gone wrong on this trip. Seriously, aside from my grandfather being in stable condition (for which we are very grateful), this trip was just chock full of shit going wrong: there was the toupee/tarmac debacle on the flight out, followed by getting one of the shittiest POS rental cars ever (Avis, Never again!!), followed by a day of heavy snow, followed by my busticated zipper for my boots, followed by my hair getting stuck inside the hairdryer, followed by room accommodations at the “refugee camp” aka my grandmother’s pigsty/hoarder’s house, followed by a major meltdown with my mother, followed by losing my phone charger and all my devices running out of juice, followed by dropping my grandmother and mother at the hospital entrance (while I parked the car) only to LOSE them, followed by news today that Martin had a seizure. Yes, when it rains it pours, but fuck man, this is a goddamn monsoon!!

So my mother pissed me off big time today. I was researching acute rehab facilities (where my grandpa will go after he gets out of the hospital), and I started telling her that 1) grandpa should never drive again 2) he and grandma need to move out of their cluttered, dingy house. Mom just kept telling me not to worry about it. That they are fine living there. If they aren’t ok, what are regular folks without resources supposed to do? Uh, those regular folks are literate in English. Or she said that they could just live with her and dad. Um, first off, my mother is so weak, she can’t even lift a bag of groceries. Puhlease. So I tell her the grandparents need a place where people are around to help them with the day to day. She basically said I was overreacting, and that I should work on my patience and stop being so cranky. Oh no, you didn’t!!! Are you fucking kidding me? Wow. If it weren’t for me and my impatience, you’d still be stuck in Taiwan. You would not even have a clue about anything that is medically going on with grandpa. Maybe if you could pay attention long enough to focus and listen, you could take on more responsibilities, and Dad and I wouldn’t have to run all over the damn place, doing all this shit that YOU clearly cannot handle. OMFG, I was LIVID. Walked out of that hospital room in a near-blind rage. Interestingly, WTF has her little emperor accomplished all this time in all these years??? Not a damn thing. Doesn’t know how to book flights. Doesn’t even know how to pay bills on time. Doesn’t have to do a single thing while all these details get dumped on me to work out.

The thing about my mother. She has always been a rather confused person. Whether you explain in her native tongue or in English, shit has to get repeated over and over again. For one thing, she doesn’t listen. She just concentrates on what SHE wants to say next. You totally know people like that. Second, she is fucking co-dependent as hell, and that has certainly made her even slower. I dunno. Maybe I am getting bent out of shape over nothing. Maybe there is something medically wrong with her brain.

These last several days, I have been clocking in very long hours at the hospital. The good news is that the nurses check on him often, but I still want to be there to translate. Anyhow, after a full day at the hospital on Friday, especially with Gramps getting aggitated (sundown syndrome) and needing me to restrain him, yeah I processed the stupid flight credit; then, afterwards, I had to explain the situation to mom like six times: I got your ticket and dad’s ticket using points from your frequent flyer account. I got Johnny’s ticket using points from dad’s account bc yours didn’t have enough. In Dad’s account, I bought additional points bc he didn’t have enough to cover the full roundtrip. United does NOT refund any monies spent to buy points, but you get all the points you purchased credited back to your account for the unused flight. In other words, the ticket was 115k points (some portion of which we had to purchase). We will get all 115k point re-credited to the account, available for use in the future. She was confused about every single aspect: her points, her account, the cash, the award points, purchased points, the number of points used, blah, blah, blah. Round and round and round. She fucking exhausts me.

And the thing is, because of her many years of co-dependence, she can’t do ANYTHING on her own. Can’t drive. Doesn’t handle any finances or bills. Doesn’t know how to research anything online. She CAN cook and clean and handle medication orders for my grandparents. Beyond that, all bets are off. And of course, she blames Dad for her not knowing these things. That’s the thing with my family. There is always SOMEone to blame. That’s how shit gets explained.

When I was growing up, I remember we had to shift around the family room and living room furniture a gabillion times, bc she didn’t like this or that. Did she ever lift a finger to move the furniture herself or with us? Nope. She just directed us, and if we were sick of schlepping the furniture, she just would harass us until we gave in. So amidst all this bullshit going on with my grandfather this week, my mother is additionally obsessing over some granite dining room table, custom-made for their condo in Taiwan. They spilled food and water on it, and the surface stained. They have talked to the contractor and gone back and forth a few times. Supposedly, the contractor sealed it, but stains are still there, so what does she do? She keeps asking ME to research the answer. This started months ago. Meanwhile, my dad’s sister used to have a construction company. I mean, if the makers can’t solve the problem, what the fuck am I supposed to do? So this trip, she started asking me to research this again. And she isn’t even clear about the material. First, it was marble. Now she says it’s granite. My father suggested just putting a clear plastic topper, but mom insists that that defeats the whole purpose of having the nice table with its texture. I get it, she wants things done right but Jesus Christ. find the solution on your own!! Maybe see if there is a Home Depot-like store and ask people there. Is this really something I should be spending my time researching? Meanwhile, WTF is Johnny doing?? He knows English AND Chinese. And he LIVES in the same country where they have the table. Put him on this shit. She just annoys the hell out of me with these lame, low priority issues. Honestly, if she weren’t my mother, I really would not be dealing with her.

Work Woes

So my presentation on Monday morning went fine. Sometimes, the lack of protocol/systems at this place really surprises me though. I mean, the meeting was for University Relations, which encompasses marketing and communications, alumni relations, and development– overall, like 100 staffers. I was told to provide my slides to the project manager last Friday before noon, so they could be assembled and loaded on the presentation laptop. I had asked around earlier for a presentation template (with the logo and colors and shit), and no one knew what the hell I was talking about. Whatever, I sent the file and assumed the few people presenting would just have all their slides combined with a common look/feel. On Monday morning, it all became clear. They just used whatever general design I had selected from PowerPoint! And the person before me just had a series of screenshots. WTF?? Not cohesive at all. No university design layout for the slides! Pretty lame considering that the division handles marcom for the institution!! Whatever. I did my spiel and afterwards, people were nice. I was happy that I didn’t get as nervous as I used to before public speaking, so that was an added convenience. 🙂 

The rest of the week was full of annoyances. Somehow I got to coordinating the schedule for a traveling backdrop around campus. I had to be all nice and enthusiastic about asking people for their participation. I was probably too obsequious considering this is an institution-wide campaign: it’s not as if they are doing ME any real favors. But shit, I wanted to start off with a collaborative spirit. I tried to see the positive side of it all: reaching out to other departments and meeting new people. Some were awesome and super helpful. Others, not so much. I saw some interesting instances of “passing the buck,” plus weird passive aggressive behaviors. Also, I noticed that people do NOT read instructions/emails, so that caused some issues (that could have been avoided).

Long story short, people were making me super misanthropic. Then on Thursday morning, I lost my shit. All week long, I had been connecting person A to person B, person C to person D, and so forth so they could coordinate among themselves with scheduling/transporting/setting up the fucking banner. And yet nearly every damn time, what happened??? They kept contacting ME. I was just so appalled by the lack of initiative and the resistance to getting shit done. When I arrived at the office on Thursday morning, I was so livid, my boss was like “Are you ok? I have NEVER seen you like this.” Here’s the level of incompetence I was dealing with.

  1. I tell the two people: coordinate with each other to set up the banner for Engineering. The morning of, I get a text from my intern:
    Her: I’m at the location, and no one is around.
    Me: Uh, FIND the person you are supposed to work with.
    Her: Do I go to her office?
    Me: CALL HER, or if you can’t reach her, go to the Engineering office and ask for her.
    OMFG, are you serious???????
  2. Later, I get a call. Mind you, there are TWO people now working to get the banner up and ready.
    Her: Uh, we don’t know how to set up the banner.
    Me: The instructions are in the bag.
    Her: There’s nothing else in the bag: just signs and markers.
    Me: They are in the plastic ziploc with the screwdriver.
    Her: Oh yeah. Ok, we have them.
  3. By now, I have lost all confidence, so I start heading over to the site. When I arrive, they are mostly done except the one passive aggressive lady is struggling trying to get two poles snapped together. She’s like handling them as if she had just done her nails or something. And she’s fidgeting with the whole thing while the backdrop is upright. I tell her to step aside, and I lay the backdrop flat on the ground. I twist the two poles gently, and they snap into place. Meanwhile, she keeps saying to me that she works in PR and is the least mechanical person in the School of Engineering. This has nothing to do with engineering skills, lady. More importantly, how the hell are you even surviving in the real world?? Wow.
  4. I then notice the footing of the stand is loose. I mention this to my intern, and she says she doesn’t know how to tighten. Um, you look on the bottom where it’s loose, see the head of the screw, and tighten with a screwdriver. Holy fucking mother of God!
  5. The final straw?? I had laminated a bunch of signs, so people could write with dry-erase markers and hold the signs in the photoshoot. I guess people misplaced the eraser I had packed in the bag. Then, someone ran up to me and said, “There’s no wipe cloth for the signs: what do we do??” AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! Are you for fucking real? First off, we are next to the engineering building. Go get paper towels from the bathroom, or here, let me show you this complicated trick: I use the inside of my shirt and wipe the sign.

I cannot even express just how freaking blown my mind was that morning. 1) How are these people college students or worse, adult employees? 2) How are they living in this world? Shaking my head. For realz.

Screwy Sleep Schedule

So I am back on a program, attempting to get my sleep back on track. The elements for this program include: melatonin, Sleepytime tea, and lavender on the soles of my feet. When I finally do doze off, the quality of rest does seem a step up from before, but I’m still only clocking about 5-6 hrs/night. In other words, I still feel tired all the damn time.

Certainly, my allergies are to blame big time. They’ve been driving me crazy the last several weeks/months. Usually, I’m totally set just doing the nasal saline rinse twice a day. Now, I’ve added oral meds to that, and I’m still super congested. I started running the HEPA filter, and I may have to reintroduce prescription nasal spray. Seriously, what a fucking pain.

Last night, I awoke at like 3:30a and could not fall back asleep. When that happens, I clock in more screen time. Suddenly, by 4:30a, I was super chatty, so I started talking to Bubs (who was still sleeping), telling him about all the latest news and shit I was reading. We then talked about trying a new breakfast place later that morning, like when they opened at 5:30a. As Bubbey started waking up, I got really tired. Yup, story of our lives: we are always on different schedules. Shrug.

I ended up sleeping til 9:30. Then we checked out the breakky spot around 10. Just so-so. At 11, we met with a contractor to review his proposal for renovating our garage. Uh, total sticker shock. I am way too cheap for a contractor. I understand the value of having someone else manage the project and wipe the subcontractor’s asses and such, but fuck. Not for $20k!! Shit. That’s for a bare bones, insulated garage with just electrical and sheet rock drywall!

The good thing about the meeting though is that it finally triggered some action. For the first time in FIVE years, we actually spent a couple hours this afternoon cleaning out the garage. Goddamn, I am a recyclables hoarder, for realz. Tons of product boxes. I finally collapsed everything and separated out the plastic film from the styrofoam from the cardboard from the trash. Turns out, only one place recycles styrofoam, and that shit costs $5/trash bag! My entire car was loaded to the brim with styrofoam. Thankfully, that shit is FINALLY gone. I also posted a ton of crap on the neighborhood list. We’ll see if I get any takers for crab pots and a fireplace tool set and random crap. To be honest, my expectations are way low. I mean, my stuff isn’t exactly in mint condition, and pretty much most people we meet are way neater than J and I, so our crap will likely be too dusty/dirty/old for them. We’ll see though. Worth a try.

Btw, I found my point and shoot camera. Thank goodness. I swear I lose that fucking thing every other month. Need to put a tracking device inside. I really miss taking pretty pictures (kinda requires pretty places), and even though the iPhone cam is impressive, my Lumix cam still does a better job. Just need to find interesting things to photograph.

What else. I booked my airfare and hotel for my social media conference in Miami at the end of April. I’m going to try to hook up with my Mommy Mafia and BlogHer buddies (and maybe my bud N from NC) while I’m there. I also booked tickets for the Women in Publishing conference later this month in Berkeley.

After my work’s one-day campaign is over in mid-March, I feel like I deserve to be inspired again. Hopefully, work will cover the ticket for this conference. If not, whatevs. I’m going regardless.

Tomorrow is going to be another exciting day in the life of the VG. I’m going to be occupied again with homework. Fortunately, this week’s topic is social media advertising, so I’m happy to learn more about it, especially in time for the big campaign. Btw, I was asked to speak at a division meeting on Monday morning about the social media plan for the campaign. I pretty much received zero notice: just a light/casual mention on Wednesday night and then actual rough details on Friday morning. For a Monday morning meeting, mind you. Nice. I’m a little nervous bc it’s a big group, but I’m not too stressed. This ain’t my first rodeo, right? In addition to the social media shit though, I’m coordinating a bunch of other logistics, trying to build buzz and get other departments and influencers involved. Kind of a pain. Super tedious. I’ll be glad when this damn thing is over.

Btw, I keep remembering about special holidays at the last minute. It’s a real pain for social media, bc usually I have content lined up already and then the night before, I’ll realize: Shit, tomorrow is Holi (Indian festival of colors) or like I realized on Friday night that Sunday is International Women’s Day. I know, usually I am on top of that holiday, but fuck man, I am barely staying afloat these days. Finally crafted a post for tomorrow. I’m sad to say, crafting it took forever bc honestly, my once creative brain is like totally dead these days. Writer’s block, burnout, whatever you want to call it. Fucking no good ideas coming outta this head anymore.

Ok, well we’re losing an hour of sleep tonight, so I should get to bed early. Yes I skipped a post on Friday night. I’m wanting to keep up with NaBloPoMo, but no promises. Every day is a gamble. 🙂