Author Archives: Vicky

The Lodge

At the end of April, J and I tried out a new type of destination. We hit up Carmel Valley Ranch, which is a golf club/resort kind of spot. With its luxurious pool/hot tubs plus on-site animal farm, massive vegetable garden, and beautifully manicured grounds, it was hard not to fall in love. I subsequently spent much of spring/summer dreaming of ways to get back to that environment again. Unfortunately, Benny’s mobility issues took months of troubleshooting– all the way until late September, when the monthly injectable Librela finally started to take effect (third month) and coupled with prednisone (the universal magic pill) tweaked to the right dose, we got him stable again.

In early October, we felt ready to try two things: a new overnight dog sitter (recommended by a neighbor on Nextdoor) and a new lodge/golf resort escape. Enter the Quail Lodge in Carmel Valley. The thing I’m noticing about golf places— they are so much better maintained. Not just with the grounds, but I mean the rooms, the lobby, the common areas… The architecture/decor/style may be a bit old school or dated, but the upkeep is impeccable. We were only there for two nights, and I submitted an offer during our stay, but it was a pleasant albeit brief getaway. We rented e-bikes and toured the neighborhood, got on a nice paved trail riding by the pastures… scenic and quiet. The next day, we went on a short hike. We hit up Earthbound Farms and a few other local food spots. Walked around sleepy downtown Carmel. We had a nice time and a welcome respite from the week-long heat wave. Meanwhile, Bentley did fine as well. The sitter is probably in her 30s-40s, and I have to say, it’s nice to have someone who’s mature and well, how to say, seasoned by life to handle responsibilities. Bentley seemed calm and comfortable when we returned so all in all, a successful trip. The icing on the cake would have been if my clients beat out 42 other offers to win a house in Palo Alto, but apparently, that’s too much to ask for these days. 🙂

As Good As New

I have to say, once I got my damaged vehicle into the hands of my local dealer/shop, it was pretty smooth sailing. My service department advisor W is my dude– he is the epitome of customer service. I’ve been going to him for years, so thankfully, he hooked me up with the exact collision estimator who in turn, sent my car to the right repair crew. Damn, no where else is “who you work with matters” better exemplified. The estimator took over to work out the claims/payments directly with my insurance. Then, the repair guy gave me an update at least 2x/week. I never had to ride ass, check in, do anything. It was like clockwork. And in this day and age? What a fucking rarity. Seriously.

After about three weeks, I got my whip back, and holy crap, it is as good as new. I mean, this was $20k worth of work, and I could not see a single imperfection. I tell you, good people who conduct their work with pride… it gets me every damn time. So yes, I wrote glowing reviews on multiple platforms, bc that is the LEAST you can do as someone who receives stellar service.

So thankfully, I was able to return the rental car and I am back to full efficiency, with my trunk stocked just right with my real estate signs, tools, junk. And all my addresses loaded up in the GPS/navigation system. I know, doesn’t sound like a big deal, but hello, newsflash: I’m old. I’m set in my ways. I don’t deal well with change.

In the end, the take home is: thank goodness, there were no injuries, and I’m super grateful that both drivers had insurance. Onward.

Crashed and Stunned

Last week, I was meeting up with my biz partner H to catch up over lunch and to tour a local property under renovation. After a fruitful afternoon, I started heading home from downtown Los Altos. At a stop sign, I turned right onto a straightaway, going east. A Honda CR-V was traveling in the opposite direction on the straightaway, going west. As I approached the next intersection (with no lights/stop signs), the other driver suddenly pulled into my lane to make an abrupt left turn. I had no notice, slammed on the brakes, and crashed into her passenger front end.

Her air bag deployed, and she covered her face with her hands. As we were now blocking the small intersection, I back up and pulled to the side/curb to clear the blockage. She continued to sit in her car. I got out of my car, and as I walked towards her intending to exchange information, she looked up, drove forward slowly (I was thinking she was going to park on the curb in front of my car), and then she drove off!?!?

I was utterly stunned, as I didn’t expect a 50+ y/o white lady in Los Altos (chi chi town) to do a hit and run. Somehow, I had the wherewithal to capture a pic of her plates as she drove past, with me standing there in the middle of the intersection. I was in shock, and with my hands trembling lightly, I called 911. The cop arrived within five minutes. I explained the situation, and he told me he would reach out to her. Though my car was mangled, I was able to drive the few miles home. My damage consisted of a dented hood, mangled right light assembly, wrecked bumper, and as I discovered a day later, a cracked windshield.

Later that day, the cop called and said the lady called into the station. She corroborated my story and admitted fault, but she explained that she drove off bc she “didn’t see me.” I was so annoyed by her blatant lie. Needless the say, the cop acknowledged the explanation didn’t make sense, he would update his report (still mentioning that she left the scene), and go from there.

Now, five days later, I’ve opened the claim under my account, bc the insurance company is still waiting on the police report to obtain the other driver’s name and policy info. After numerous circuitous calls to my insurance office, the claims department, and auto shops, yesterday I drove the car to my local dealer to my trusted service advisor and his collision estimator. As I pulled into the bay, both men expressed shock that I drove the vehicle, which is funny bc the day of the accident, as soon as Bubs got home, he started going off about all the damage, and so many pieces involved, etc. I was like, OMG you are overreacting. The car still drives. Well, the service dudes had the same reaction as Bubs. It’s a lot of damage. You shouldn’t be driving the car. Off hand, the estimator says it’ll be at least $10k, they won’t know really until they start peeling away the damage to expose what’s underneath. So how long will it be in the shop? I’m guessing a week… A looong time, he says. 3-4 weeks. Whaaaa???

So the good news is that I’m uninjured. My airbag didn’t deploy. The day after, I had some neck/back soreness, but I feel fine now. The bad news is we are waiting on that police report, and I’ll have to figure out a rental car and ride ass on the insurance company to get all the paperwork done right. I am not at fault, so there shouldn’t be any impact to my insurance premium or my driving record.

But dayum, that freaking other driver! Who behaves like this??? I was asking myself: is it possible that someone can go through adult life and NOT know s/he is supposed to stay on scene after an accident? It made me think of that time when I drove a colleague home from a work party. He had a beer at the party, and I told him I could drive, and he could just take the drink with him. He and I are both from the Mid-Atlantic. Later, another friend told me California has open container laws, where you can’t have any open alcohol in the car, regardless of who was driving. Huh??? I was honestly shocked, bc I had never heard of this. So am I like this other woman? Somehow, I had glided through life not possessing what my friend considered to be common sense?!?!

Actually, I just looked this up. IN MY DEFENSE, Virginia, where J and I last lived prior to China and California, actually does NOT have open container laws, so passengers are permitted to have alcohol!

Airport Pickups

Last year, J and I watched a movie called Chloe— it was a psychological thriller starring Liam Neeson and Julianne Moore as a couple/family who becomes entangled with a prostitute, in part bc the husband and wife fell into a routine and lost their connection. Somewhere in the film, the husband (who traveled for work) asks the wife, “When did we stop picking each other up from the airport?”

Having gone to couples therapy many years ago, I remember being in that period of disconnection. During that time, J was entrenched in the work of a startup, while I was at a government job that gave me the best work-life balance ever. But we were like two ships passing in the night. I think about how now, with him being retired and me being an agent, our roles have reversed. As my own workaholic tendencies have resurfaced, I catch myself in moments where the day-to-day suddenly feels very routine and automatic.

That line in the movie resonates with me, though bc it’s a reminder that gestures are important. That’s not to say I’ll take J to the airport at 4am or in the middle of rush hour, but if it’s relatively feasible, I do try my best to take him or pick him up. After many days apart, I like to think he’ll appreciate seeing me again soon after he lands.

It’s not an explicit bid for attention, but I think gestures/instances where one partner anticipates the needs of another are important. I try to notice and appreciate when someone shows some forethought and exercises consideration. For us, these actions really have been foundational to our longevity. Speaking of which, we are coming up on 28 years together. It hasn’t all been smooth sailing, but I feel very lucky and fortunate.

Learning Rampage

I’ve been on a learning rampage lately… First, my real estate license is set to expire this year in November, so naturally in true VG fashion, I downloaded all the course materials in March and started EARLY with the classes. There were about 14 classes/45 hours of credits. Anyway, I started in spring and then wrapped everything up with the quizzes and tests in July. So now my license is renewed for another four years, woo hoo!

After I finished with that, I came across a free registration to an online senior pet summit. Even as a kid, I’ve always had a fascination with dogs and horses. I used to read all the sections in the Encyclopedia and also borrowed books from the library about grooming, care, diet, and training. Since Bentley is now 11, I thought the summit was especially timely. It was so interesting and covered a broad spectrum of topics from diet/nutrition to physical therapy/massage to nail trimming (so much more important that I ever thought) to euthanasia. It was soo good, and I came away with lots of new tips.

Meanwhile, here’s the update on Benny. Since the start of the year, his hind legs started getting very weak. The vet initially tried a combo of meloxicam and methocarbamol, but that didn’t help. We went off of it and just slowed down our walks. Then in April, we went to Carmel Valley Ranch for a few days, and Bentley really started to struggle with the uneven terrain. A few times, he lost his balance while pooping, which of course, is a full-blown Code Red. As soon as we returned to town, we went back to the vet. She wanted to try the methocarbamol/meloxicam mix again. Did it again and also added physical therapy/laser treatment. The PT recommended that we change out his harness, bc turns out the Easy Walk cuts off their front legs’ forward extension (covered in the Pet Summit!). I also tried doing more massage. No real improvement still.

We then tried Gabapentin, and that actually resulted in ataxia (back legs imbalance), so it was meant to treat possible pain and stabilize his mobility, but the dose was so high that it made things worse, and he was stumbling around all over the place. Backed off the gabapentin. then went to prednisone… of course all these meds are trying to attack the problem from different modes, like muscle relaxants, pain relief, nerve pain, arthritic pain, etc… The pred, which he was on before when he had the TWO autoimmune diseases, was also too high and resulted in stomach ulcers and diarrhea. Cut the dose on that…

Needless to say, it’s been a very bumpy ride. Now we are on the fifth med called Librela, an injectable monoclonal antibody for arthritic pain. The vet said that we may need two doses to see any changes. Right now, no real improvement unfortunately, but we’ll try again with the second dose next month.

Yes, the process has been super frustrating. But we are plugging along. The hind end harness and stroller are helpful.

Btw, I just came across this article last night. I wasn’t in full frame of mind looking at it in bed, but this morning, I listened to the audio and then it had me crying inconsolably. I know what’s to come sooner than later, and it’s going to be serious heartbreak. I just hope I can maintain awareness and perspective to do what’s right for Benny when his time comes.

Winds of Change

The good news is that so much has changed since my last frustrated, disenchanted post. Thank fucking goodness Biden stepped down, and now we are in a totally transformed state of energy and momentum and hope. I am sooo STOKED about KH. Right away, the people around me were skeptics and cynics and doubters (despite being supporters). Jesus, who knew I was surrounded by a bunch of Debbie Downers… nonetheless, my enthusiasm could not be smothered, and as it turned out, neither could that of a who deluge of people. I mean, she raised SO MUCH DAMN MONEY in the first 24-hrs alone! It was awesome to bear witness.

And since those early hours as the new guard, she’s raised even more. Meanwhile, Trump has gotten flustered, and his previously “disciplined” strategy has been blown out of the water, triggering him into reverting back to his old ways of spewing more outrageous garbage out of that damn piehole. Don’t get me wrong, he’s never been moderated (at least from what I’ve been reading), but he’s going off script now more than ever and Jesus, it’s insane how much this shock jock continues to ramble on with his bullshit.

I have to say, I was on the fence about the whole NABJ event. From an academic standpoint, I do think there is value in discourse and presenting opposing sides… it’s just that Trump isn’t really a person who’s presenting an opposing side in any kind of interactive way. His language is just continued hate mongering and racist/sexist fake news that only adds flames to the fire. Nothing he says is ever presented in a manner that contributes to a productive discussion. So then, are these platforms just giving him more free airtime? I dunno what the real answer is on this, but I’m definitely torn.

At the NABJ event specifically, I thought the moderators did a good job staying calm and redirecting back to the questions BUT he was clearly verbally abusive and having a tantrum— should they have given him a platform in the first place to direct that negativity towards them?

I do feel reinvigorated, and I am finding myself following the news more closely… in that sense, this change in the ticket has given me something new to study and follow and care about. Meanwhile, I am already ramping up my activism. My friend G turned me on years ago to Vote Foward, which is a nonprofit organization that focuses on getting out the vote. I have already started my letter writing activities… I’m so excited for November 5. I am feeling very hopeful and optimistic, and so far the stats are looking favorable for KH. YEAH!!!

WTF

Seriously, what the heck is happening in this crazy world of ours? I sat down to watch the Presidential debate and holy hell, what a debacle. I mean, kudos to both men wanting to work this insane job and at their ages… I’m already burned out at 48, for crying out loud. Still though, it’s time to step aside. Both of them. But Biden, damnit, please have the wherewithal to do this gracefully!!! Why are you forcing our hand?

And then the assassination attempt? That freaking iconic picture of Trump with the bloodied ear and the defiant fist in the air… fucking A. I just can’t take this bullshit any longer. A month ago, while John and friends expressed concern, I still had faith. Now, I am stressing big. time. Come on, Dems! Where is your brilliance and strategy???

Killing Me Softly

Last week was nuts. As you know, Bentley’s hind legs have been weakening since the start of the year. While we were away on a short trip to Carmel in late April, he started stumbling more and more critically, he began losing his balance while pooping. Yes, that kicked things into a code red. At the time, we were grateful to be within a short distance to a Petfood Express pet wash station, but we knew our luck would eventually run out.

At the start of the year, we had tried a few meds but no improvement. This time, we went back to those meds at a different dose and again, no improvement. We then added in chiropractor adjustments, massage, cold laser, physical therapy, as well as a host of other meds. Nothing was helping.

Meanwhile, I went back to the CBD oil company to inquire with them about drug interactions, and strangely, they suggested I had him on too high a dose… like double what they would suggest. Huh? I’ve read their dosage charges multiple times and I was just following directions, but they explained that GSDs can be more sensitive to CBD oil… ok fine but still. I decided to hold off for now on the CBD oil and see how he would respond on the prescribed meds.

Last Friday, we started on prednisone, which he had been on years ago during his TWO autoimmune diseases. I was well aware of the potency of pred, but I also knew it was the med that really saved him. So we started him on 20 mg twice a day. By Saturday, he was walking better but then the diarrhea came on. On Sunday, the diarrhea turned super dark– darker than I’d ever seen and while he was walking better, he started drooling and dry retching and looking like shit. WTF, is that from the meds? I called the vet, and we immediately stopped the pred. They suspected the pred was too strong a dose and that resulted in stomach ulcers and bleeding, hence the dark stool. Continue with bland diet and monitor. Researching more about the symptoms, of course his signs happen to be the same for like every possible illness: lepto, stomach torsion, poisoning, Addisons (from abruptly coming off pred), obstruction. WTF. Internally, I was freaking out, bc when Benny got sick before, the drooling was out of control and indicative of nauseas and pain.

On Monday, he was doing slightly better. Appetite and water intake still normal. By Tuesday, stool was on and off. Color seemed to be getting closer to normal. Then Tuesday midday, I took Benny to the park. He had diarrhea again and then as I scooped what I could, I noticed something that felt/looked like a stalk. It looked like a softened cinnamon stick and when I unraveled it, there were three sheets. WTF was this??? It was like a paper but thicker like a craft paper. We hadn’t been feeding him anything new– just chicken and sweet potato, which is something we’ve fed (along with kibble) since Martin. Was it sweet potato? Didn’t quite seem to be. Had he gotten into something? Our garbage bins are lidded and nothing appeared disturbed. Also, Benny is usually very picky about what he puts in his mouth… I was wracking my brain. The next day, I’m prepping his meal– a chicken/sweet potato mix and whadya know: there’s a piece of the skin… thinner than what I had seen/felt earlier BUT the same parabolic shape on one end… but then how did the skin get all rolled up in the belly? I dunno. But this is the most plausible answer.

So I look up sweet potato online and some sources say the skin shouldn’t be fed bc it’s not digestible AND can cause obstruction. Say what? And some sites even said to limit the amount of sweet potato. WTH. Is this something new, bc why do I feel like we started it with Martin back in the day for all the benefits?!?!?

And there it was: the fucking mom guilt. All this time, had I been overmedicating him with the CBD oil and now we had been feeding him food what was harming him? Going back online, it seems the stance on sweet potatoes has changed but still. All of this reminded me about parenting and how damn hard it must be as all the attitudes, skills, and methods evolve over time. Ultimately, the good intention is there but sometimes that just doesn’t seem to be enough. Needless to say, we will be altering the homecooked portion of his meal. Benny is back to normal now regarding his stool and stomach issues. The back legs are still an issue but for now, I’m using a different back end harness, and we got Benny a buggy so we can be out and out for longer periods. We expect to revisit the meds for his back legs in a week or two. Right now, I need a break to recover from all the worry this last time around.

Bread Not Brownies

I’ve had a few emotional conversations lately with my buddy T. First, I was crying after the passing of my friend N. Then last week, I was crying about my family. John and I had recently watched a documentary about the NBA star Giannis. His is a moving and compelling success story about overcoming adversity plus all the good stuff of loyalty, integrity, hard work, and love of family.

I have never understood people who are close to their families– people who want to spend all their free time or PTO with their families. People who have to go home for all the holidays and speak to their parents on the phone daily. It has NEVER made any sense to me. But Giannis is a part of one of those families. In escaping poverty and immigrating to the US, as his success grew, his adamance for having his family with him only amplified. I cried so much in that documentary, bc it made me mourn what my parents do not have. And so that entire evening, I couldn’t sleep bc I was disappointed in myself… I had so many more advantages and privileges than Giannis in my childhood; yet I lack his level of loyalty and love.

And so I cried. I cried that I couldn’t be as good as Giannis. I cried that I lacked the filial piety he clearly possessed. I felt so much disappointment and shame and sadness for my family. And then my friend asked me: How and why does Giannis feel that way about his family? It’s bc his family spent time and energy to cultivate that feeling of belonging and cohesion and love. You were just a child… you can’t be expected to know how to feel about the relationship with your parents.

Your parents mixed the ingredients and created the environment to bake an amazing loaf of bread. At the end of it all, they can’t wish for or expect to get a tray of brownies. It was such a simple and yet powerful analogy. They were the bakers. They had a hand in all of this. There’s a reason why it’s so damn hard for my brother and me to really feel or express love for our parents.

I remember during COVID when my father met my friend T. After she left, he said to me, “She seems like such a positive and optimistic person.” And I remembered thinking to myself: Yeah, well she didn’t grow up with two anxious, neurotic, and perfectionist parents who are fear-based about EVERYTHING!!

I guess the good thing is that T’s comments absolved me of some guilt. But she also reminded me that I have limited time now, and if dad is making bids for a better relationship, there is still time for me to try. The relationship will never reach the heights of Giannis’ tight-knit family, but at least I can say, I braved the discomforts of change to forgive and to try again. After all, nothing they did came from ill intent: they genuinely did the best with what they knew.

Haters Gonna Hate

Have you seen this story in the news? People need to mind their own fucking business. The bride loved the dress on her mom and her mom looked lovely. Nothing pisses me off like people who have nothing better to do than troll and hate on others, especially people they don’t even know. Step the fuck off! Ugh. I am disgusted.