In my business, a lot of colleagues and coaches advise that I get on all the social media neighborhood platforms so that I can become more active, i.e. entrenched in my community.
Unfortunately, I find that participation on the sites/list only serves to piss me off beyond belief. Remember that time I wrote a post about a neighbor complaining on the listserv that someone had trashed their front lawn and dug up all the plants and sod overnight? The person went on an entire tirade, complaining about the cowardice of someone living amongst us having an issue with him, his wife or his dogs and not talking to him about it first. He also threatened to move out of the neighborhood after living here for 20+ years. It was a ridiculous post. Well, here’s another. I mean, these are the people living amongst us. And the writer btw had no qualms tying her name to this post. Um, hello! Newsflash: Street parking is PUBLIC. You don’t own the parking space that is next to your driveway. If you want to park close to our front door, use your own fucking driveway. SMH. I mean, I am a judgey MF. I am ESTJ after all. But even I am appalled by the insane level of presumption.
An Open Letter To The Owner of the Silver BMW i135 Squatting on XYZ Avenue,
Congratulations! You have located the perfect long term parking spot for your car! This spot is free from tree coverage (those pesky trees drop sap and leaves that can potentially damage a paint job! Yikes this should to be avoided at all possible costs) . I can only assume that this location must be convenient to wherever you are going because after your last 3-day extended parking gig ended just a couple days ago – you’ve moved right back into the spot! Ok, now this is a public street and I recognize that individuals can park for 72 hours without moving their car. But you are squatting to avoid parking costs elsewhere while you travel out of town.
Am I psychic? Nope. It’s easy to recognize someone who is using a spot for long term purposes because why else would you use a dashboard sun protector on to protect your dashboard from the damaging impact of the rays of the sun during the rainiest days of the year? Because you are not physically in town. But here you are again – dashboard sun protector and all! (actually I didn’t even notice that you have a BMW branded dashboard sun protector until I posted the pictures of your car! That’s a super special touch).
So here’s the thing, you are parking right in front of my house. I get it, it’s a nice spot… but I have three children with disabilities and their therapists come with to the house nearly every day after school and have to haul their supplies from down the street when you have claimed this prime spot as your designated long-term travel parking spot. Here’s an idea…. park between houses so as not to inconvenience the homeowner who may have need to park or have someone park in front of their home. Come on Pal, I know there are trees, and trees drop leaves and sap but isn’t doing the right thing better than being an inconsiderate (insert your favorite adjective here)? Or maybe you are visiting someone in our neighborhood? We LOVE visitors here in Monta Loma! I wish we had more! Frankly, I believe I can speak for all of my neighbors when I say that I am quite sure that anyone hosting a three night guest would be more than comfortable having you park in front of their home. Or even in their driveway!
But that’s not what is really happening here is it? You are dumping your car for short periods of time so that you don’t have to pay for parking elsewhere. Your continual use of a sun protector in the pouring down rain is the dead give away! I’m guessing you are either from Arizona or have used every single penny you’ve made to save up and lease your bottom of the line BMW and are protecting your investment. And the best part? You are too vain to put a license plate on the front of your car. California Vehicle Code 5200 includes two sections, which state: (a) When two license plates are issued by the department for use upon a vehicle, they shall be attached to the vehicle for which they were issued, one in the front and the other in the rear. Why you may ask when it sullies the appearance of the grill of my not-exactly- a-Tesla vehicle? Well friend, the reason is because having a front license plate allows law enforcement officials to easily identify a car in a hit and run situation. It also identifies cars who illegally go through bridge crossings without paying a toll. (not that you would ever evade paying a charge for a service) Oh and in the Bay Area it can come with a $110 FIx-It ticket and up to $1000 in increase of insurance costs. But whatevs…. someone who is too cheap to pay for parking is unlikely to care about such silly bureaucratic matters.
In the meantime, I’ll make sure than my partner and I move OUR new car out of the driveway so that so that my children’s therapists and helpers can park in the driveway with ease. I know what you are thinking! But there are trees everywhere – why would you risk getting tree sap on YOUR new car’s paint job? I was thinking the exact same thing, but doing the right thing and potentially paying for a car wash trumps being a (again insert your favorite adjective here) any day of the week. Or in this case, any three days of the week.
I realize that you are likely away for an extended period of time like earlier this week and won’t be available to move your car for another three days, but next time park somewhere else so that my children’s therapists can get in and out of the house with their supplies easily.
PS – I would be remiss not to mention that my children are the WORST drivers of bicycles and scooters ever known to live in the neighborhood. We aren’t letting them get a drivers license until they’re 40! Those zany boys tear out of the backyard on their bikes and scooters like wild Irish banshees set on fire and are not accustomed to having a car blocking their getaway route. Personally I wouldn’t want to park here… but not to worry, the kids are all on high alert that the squatter is back in front of the house and have been advised to take extraordinary care when leaving the home!