The Subtlety of Sexism

Remember several months ago when I complained that John and I would basically communicate the same things to our bathroom contractor but then the old dude would not understand me but totally get John? And yet we said the same exact information? I complained about it in my blog, bc yet again, I was a woman not being taken seriously, not being listened to, and not being understood. It reminded me a bit of Shanghai when my uncle there would listen to John and me conversing in English, and he insisted that I spoke English with a Chinese accent. John would laugh it off and tell him that my grammar and English skills were way better than his (I was also teaching English as a Second Language at the Arlington Literacy Council), and they still didn’t believe my English proficiency was native level. (I was born in Maryland, btw.)

Well something similar happened again recently. I was over at the house I sold meeting with my buyers and a Chinese contractor they invited to survey the kitchen for renovation. The contractor was Chinese, so I spoke in Mandarin, talking about the load bearing wall and other layout options. I had prepared for the meeting beforehand by culling through tons of home pics on the MLS. I looked for similar home styles in the same neighborhood and then reviewed their interior photos to get ideas for how other owners updated their kitchens. So when I was onsite I told the contractor: one idea I saw was that the people walled up one of the THREE doors to the kitchen so visitors would come in via the front door, walk down a short hallway, and then turn left to see the open concept kitchen. It was better flow. The contractor even commented that my vocabulary was surprisingly advanced bc I used the word “flow.” Anyway, the meeting continued and then at the end, my buyer said he liked the contractor’s idea to seal up the door to the kitchen. Say what? Dude, that was MY suggestion. The meeting ended and I was a little bugged that once again a woman’s comment not only got dismissed but was subsequently credited to a man. Whatever. I went home and shrugged it off. Maybe the buyer got confused and thought the contractor mentioned it.

Then this week, I drove by the house and I saw the same contractor parked in the driveway. I came out and chatted. He showed me the work they started. Then, he specifically said, “we adopted your idea to remove the door and flow the kitchen this way.”

I felt so redeemed. I mean, maybe this comes across as some small, petty, insignificant thing. Think what you will. I know these moments add up. These subtle, seemingly insignificant instances are why women still don’t have equal representation in corporate leadership. This is why women continue to earn less for the same work. Smh. It might not have been deliberate or intentional. The point is, sexism persists. Women still have a ways to go. The next time I meet the buyers, I will have to express pride in seeing my suggestion come to fruition. Haha.

Hungry Squirrels

July 10 was a big day for me. First, my deal closed and I handed my buyers their keys. Then, both Bubbey and my parents descended into the town. Bubbey had been on a 10-day jaunt through Europe with his sister (he LOVED the trip!!), and my parents were stopping off in the Bay Area for a week before heading back to Taiwan. What else. Stormy went home that day. It was a good friend’s bday. And it was Amazon Prime Day. Kind of a lot of things all at once, you know?

So the week with the parentals went well: I mean, probably the BEST it has ever gone. Obviously, we have had an extremely conflict-ridden and tumultuous past, so it was both a relief and kind of a shock to just get along for that duration. I know, it sounds so simple, but what can I say, my family relationships haven’t been easy.

I suspect the biggest explanation for this shift is that aging and fragility changes things. I swear my parents used to push ALL my buttons, and then we would argue and yell and I was adamant about always getting in the last word, always winning the argument. Admittedly, I was ruthless. There was an anger inside me that was convinced everything I said and did, no matter how hurtful, was righteous bc it was honest. But things are so different now. My father appears so much smaller, frailer, older that before. He is still mentally sharp and quite lucid, but he is not as ambitious, not as gung ho. He still is kinda preachy with his stories and he will always try to impart lessons/life wisdom but he’s less rigid. And my mom: when I look at her, her eyes convey some spaciness, some confusion. She giggles for no apparent reason. She no longer feels like my nemesis. Rather, she is a harmless old lady. Since her medical issues, they don’t bicker like they used do. Dad is much more patient with her. He explains things over and over, but without the previous irritation. There is a palpable tenderness in how he guides her and cares for her. Their relationship is better bc as J even expressed: they have both just chilled so much the fuck out. It is a dramatic change. I mean, I really had so many decades of conflict and escalating situations… it’s mind blowing to evolve into a relationship that is entirely the opposite of what it used to be. I’m sure mortality and life experience brings about this new perspective. I feel, again that my 40s are so very different from my 30s and 20s. When I interact with my younger friends, I often see bits of my former self inside them: I was such the activist, so insistent on right and wrong, so unyielding with my judgments of others… I realize now just how complicated life is. Just how complex people and relationships are. I still feel a strong natural pull towards this idea of radical honesty… but I also see that other people, even those who hold beliefs or ideas that I oppose, they have pain and hardship and struggle. Life is a beotch for all of us– to varying degrees and in different realms. But there is emotion and feeling even among the most stoical of beings. Ultimately, kindness matters. I have to say, one of the biggest lessons I learned in marriage counseling was that being right isn’t the most important thing, esp among people you love.

So what all did I DO with my family? I continued to work, and some days J was kind enough to hang with my parents. He took them to the Chinese market. We drove them around the neighborhoods. We toured a few homes in MV. I thought maybe we would work on that plan of trying to get them to buy out here, but it’s not happening. Not only is Dad turned off by the price, but Taiwan really is home to them. We found a few tasty Asian spots. We also got steamed dungeness crabs. We made dinner at home and ate out on the patio and sipped some wine. Funny thing: I never really consider J and me as people who are super good at being happy and at enjoying life, but I suppose relative to my parents, we’re like total sybarites. Ah well, that’s a compliment. I’m tired of being chronic mal-contents: there is so much to be grateful for. What else: we took them to play bocce ball, which I introduced to my dad last January when he visited us solo. He LOVES bocce ball. I almost feel like I need to find someone in Taiwan to build dad a court. We also watched some Chinese movies. See? We did so many chill-out things. And I have to say: J is AMAZING with my parents. He truly is such a wonderful son. He asks them things, really engages in conversation with them, he pays attention to things they like… it really filled my heart with joy seeing how kind and genuine he is with them.

As for the logistical things: we took mom to the neurologist at PAMF. I was very pleased, bc he was ultra thorough. He ran the cognitive test, reviewed all her brain scans, and talked with us extensively (for an hour!!). In the end, the good news is that he said her condition is not advanced enough to be dementia. He says she has mild cognitive impairment, which frequently but doesn’t always, leads to some kind of dementia. Observing her interactions and movement, he suggested Parkinsons or a derivative. Then, based on her MRIs, he recommended putting her on stroke-prevention meds. The other recommendations were to walk a lot, stay physically active, and then see neurology specialists about potential Parkinsons. I really like this doc, but the sad news is that my parents are now back in Taiwan and I mean, who knows what kind of medical care they are getting back there. J’s dad also had some form of Parkinsons, and the way that was confirmed was by him taking the meds and seeing a dramatic improvement. I’m going to tell dad to try that with mom and then beyond that, I suppose just up the exercise and social stimulation. At this point, I suppose quality of life trumps all the medical stuff.

I did notice that mom was crazy hungry, esp late at night. Some evenings, I would awake to hear rummaging in the kitchen. Dad was like looking for cereal and nuts for her; mom then got a hold of John’s nougat from Europe (my parents never eat sweets) and devoured that… it was really weird. J and I started calling them hungry squirrels bc of the late night binging. I dunno if it’s her meds or what…

Anyway, I gotta run to my open house now, but overall, we had a good visit. There are more unanswered questions about the future but I suppose the answers aren’t coming anytime soon, so might as well let them simmer.

 

Officially Old

So my friend G is turning 40 next month, and she’s kinda freaking out bc everyone she knows warns there is a noticeable shift when you turn 40. I’m sure some part of her thinks her friends are being overly dramatic, that there isn’t really a threshold that gets crossed… I suppose everyone has a different experience, but if I’m just speaking for J and me, turning 40 was not just some imaginary threshold. Shit got real. Big. Time. Some examples? First off, remember when Bubs tore his calf muscle just from getting out of his office chair to answer the doorbell? Yeah, even the doctor was incredulous bc typically that kind of muscle tear happens when people are running a race and you know, just busting out too fast from the starting blocks. As if we’ve done ANY kind of running in the last ten years of our lives. SMH.

Another example? Bubbey just ordered progressive eyeglasses. I mean, sure he got them from hipster shop Warby Parker. That does NOT erase the fact that he now needs special lenses that allow him to read books. OMFG.

Meanwhile, I am not faring much better. My skin and hair are going to the dumps. I dunno if it’s the stress of a new career or what, but shit is losing elasticity and luster. Also, I had to go to the doctor recently to talk about excruciating foot pain. Yeah, multiple times in a month, I got a shooting pain in the center of my foot. It was almost like a charlie horse or muscle spasm except that pulling back my big toe did nothing to alleviate the pain. And the pain lasted for several minutes. OMG it hurt so badly. Naturally, I did my own research on WebMD and between that and my grandma and dad having gout, I was convinced I had consumed too much purine-rich foods and screwed myself over. Well, the doctor immediately said no to the gout. And then he asked to look at my shoes. I was wearing my red Timberland wedges which I love and never had issues wearing before… until I turned 40. Yeah, those are the culprit, the doc says. The footbed slope is too high. So basically, I was told to take Advil and to do special toe stretch exercises, which essentially entail me putting my pedicure toe separators on my feet. And now I have spent like two hours scouring all the online shoe sites searching for decent looking old lady shoes. It. Is. Exhasperating. I am looking at all the old white lady country club brands: Rockport, Easy Spirit, Aerosoles, Clarks, Dr. Scholls, Hush Puppies… I ordered four pairs from Macy’s and only one pair from that lot might work. I’ve ordered another four pairs from 6pm. We’ll see how those do. Fucking A.

In other news, the lease for my Bimmer is coming up at the end of the year. J insists that I need a bigger car to schlep around all my realtor cargo. Those fucking open house signs are so fucking bulky plus the prep bins plus my mobile command center… So he has compiled a list of SUVs. Since my car will be a tax deductible business expense, I’ll likely do a lease. Still, I’m a cheap mofo and after looking at all the SUVs, I’m now leaning towards a mini-van. Yes, this is perhaps THE ultimate indicator that I am an old beotch, bc I just don’t fucking care anymore! My friend K commented that we will be the world’s ONLY childfree couple living the minivan lifestyle. Truth. That said, the minivan pretty much has the same cargo space as the SUV PLUS better gas mileage PLUS quieter transmission PLUS slider doors. And Bubbey has been hankering for a minivan for a long while (See? He’s old too.). I mean, at the point that I am having to wear orthopedic shoes, I might as well just give in to being an all around frump-a-dump. Seriously.

Get Beaver

So I’ve been dogsitting a supremely well-behaved standard poodle named Stormy. I know, I’m usually not a fan of poodles bc of their ridic haircuts, but I mean, I can’t blame her for her parents’ actions. She’s smart and playful and just youthful. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a young-in in the house. She really does draw us out to play and run around. I imagine that’s what child-rearing also does… it really forces you to get out and do things. You just have to find a way to wear them down and use up all that energy. It’s like a constant game of energy management.

So Stormy’s favorite past time appears to be playing with toys. Her parents gave her two toys and then I have this beaver stuffed animal that Martin used to like. Stormy LOVES the beaver. So everyday since June, I’ve been running around the backyard chasing after the dog telling her to “bring me beaver” or “go get beaver” or “where’s beaver.” Now, you know me: I tend to be very sheltered, naive, and gullible, but shit, even I feel a little embarrassed and concerned about being overheard by the neighbors. It sounds potentially sketchy/dirty, right? Or am I confusing it with something else? I dunno. I could be getting all worked up over nothing. Don’t ask me to Google anything. I’m not about to adulterate my brand new laptop with inappropriate images.

Anyway, I haven’t played chase in a hushed voice or anything. I mean, I’m taking the innocent route. Plus, Stormy just loves it.

Yesterday, for the holiday, I went to my friends’ C & C’s house. These people. My god. Their home in SJ is like an entertainment facility. The lot is double our size and they have this massive deck plus arbor and lots of outdoor seating. I mean, I came up on the house and there were signs pointing me to the backyard entrance. Bit surprising considering that C is the ultimate organizer. There were three different drink stations… you can tell these folks host a LOT of parties. They are very active in their church too, so like 50 people over is like a regular occurrence. And he’s an amazing cook. I had so much good food: pulled pork sandwiches, homemade cole slaw, homemade custard dessert, fruit-filled jellos… it was a nice party. Since I was solo and didn’t really know anyone else, C was sweet enough to hang with me a bit. He was also so kind with telling everyone I’m a realtor. I was feeling a little shy about it. I mean, I dunno: this wasn’t one of those parties where people were saying what they do…

I met a friend of his who is a volunteer puppy parent to the Wounded Warrior Project. She hosts puppies who are in training to become service doggies to vets. I met her current doggie Copper. Those dogs go through like a $20k training program, so if any of them come up with health issues of any kind, they get kicked out since the investment is so high and it’s unlikely the vets will be able to pay for expensive medical costs. Anyway, Copper was the sweetest thing. Bubs has been mentioning getting some kind of a retriever again… I can see the appeal: those goldies are just always smiling. Needless to say, I’m back in puppy fever mode, and I’ll be looking at puppy porn very soon.[FAG id=7513]

The Startup Lifestyle

There are no two ways about it: I am currently living the startup lifestyle. I say that not to glamorize anything, but rather to describe the 24/7 live, breathe, eat-mentality of my current season. Having worked for a startup many years back and well, being the spouse of a serial startupper, it’s times like these when I’m so grateful to be childfree. Seriously, if we had kids, they would surely starve and die bc my tunnelvision is no joke. Remember how I gave myself UTI as a kid? Yeah. Even now as an adult, I will forget to eat. I’m not bragging about it: it’s not a good thing, but I’m just crazy that way.

Part of it is that neither J nor I have ever been good at balancing and compartmentalizing. We are also chronic overthinkers and in some facets, we are perfectionists. So being in this place where the work and industry is new and I’m not knowledgeable or experienced, it taps into insecurities that I can only counter with work obsession. And then bc it’s like my own business, there are a gabillion other things to keep afloat, like what’s my next lead gen activity, what’s my marketing piece, how do I figure out closing gifts, what am I doing to cultivate existing leads, etc. Like I was supposed to start farming new neighborhoods with mailers, but I haven’t done any of that. And I need to be doorknocking again… it never ends. The good part is that I like working. The bad part is I can get very single-tracked when I’m in the zone.

For example, ever since J left his last startup a year ago, he’s wanted to hit up Europe. But I had that sales prospecting class in May and then things finally started to warm up… I just wouldn’t take the time off. Honestly, I just want to keep pounding. Thankfully, Bubs realized soon enough that he needed to make his plans without me, and he was fully prepared to travel solo. Then Susan decided to join last minute. They get along well together, and given the last year they’ve had, I’m happy she is accompanying him.

So while Bubs is on his European jaunt, I’m holding down the fort. Still scheduling open houses every weekend. I’m aiming for one in-office appointment per week. I’m also dogsitting Stormy (16 days). She’s a great dog, who is active and playful but also I’m so glad she’s super low maintenance. It’s working out well.

I have to say, I’m very excited for my first commission check coming July 10. I’ve been basically bootstrapping the business since late November: between association memberships and dues, office fees, equipment, infrastructure, gas, etc… it all adds up. After almost 8 months in, I’ve racked up about $8k in expenses. Yeah, my laptop crapped out and so I needed a new one. Same with our home printer. Plus gas from all that shuttling around… It’ll be nice to get my first chunk of change. That said, I’m already itching for the next deal…

Today is July 4. I already made a followup call to some potential buyers who came in for a consultation last night. Mind you, my colleague referred them to me earlier this week bc the clients wanted a Chinese-speaking agent. Wowee, they were REALLY Chinese. So the entire meeting was done in Mandarin. I felt like I communicated decently with them, but there was definitely a little bit of Taboo going around, where I didn’t have the specific real estate terminology so I had to describe around it…

In preparation, I had called my parents the night before and I had also consulted Google translate, but they weren’t much help. Today, the buyers are backing off a bit, a little gun shy, bc they are first-time homebuyers and the house they’re keen on needs fumigation (NBD for this area) and a new roof, among other repairs. My colleague wants to still put on the gas and retain them as clients… I dunno. We’ll see where that goes.

I’m headed to a BBQ tonight and while I’m down in San Jose, I’m going to preview a few homes in the area where the buyers are looking. Might as well be efficient about my travel time. 🙂

Paper Pushing

In my trainings, there’s this saying: “The fortune is in the followup.” Yes, project management and followup is one of my biggest strengths. It IS my jam. But man, with real estate transactions, that shit is taken to a whole other level. I mean, I have never talked on my phone so damn much in my life, and every day, there is so much checking on the status of this, pushing and prodding for that, trying to get docs here and there. Man. I am amazed how businesses get things done, bc I am seeing a lot of inefficiencies and schedule creep. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve met a lot of really nice and helpful people. But that said, I’m realizing that every transaction involves a shit ton of players. Yes, that’s why the pie gets sliced up into so many different pieces. There are SO many people from each party. It’s mind-boggling. And I dunno, I’m getting the feeling that the constant back and forth is very much just the nature of the business. Sigh.

My hope is that as I meet more people and learn more about their personal workstyles, ultimately, I can create tribes where the people working together gel and move things along at a more consistent pace with matching levels of urgency.

I swear, for two weeks I had THE worst time getting ahold of the solar company and every time I pushed them for docs, I was told flatly, “we’re working on it.” No ETD, nothing. It seriously drove me bonkers.  Clearly, I’m still just learning how the sausage gets made.

Sure, the July 4 holiday is also throwing a monkey wrench into things, what with people taking off days to make it a long weekend… I dunno. I’m in full-on intense work mode, so I guess it’s hard for me to be more understanding. I want to hit the iron while it’s hot and all, you know?

I hustled really hard this week to keep up my open house hosting streak, but I was only able to score for Sunday. Just as well, I had a friend’s separation anxiety dog over for several hours on Friday and Saturday night. Today, it was nice too to sleep in and putz around the house. After cleaning the house and watching too many episodes of Married at First Sight (yes, I’m back on that wagon), I previewed a number of homes and also prepped for the open house tomorrow. Overall, it was a chill day.

Tomorrow, I’m hosting another condo/townhouse property– this time in Santa Clara. Naturally, I skimmed through the disclosures and HOA policies (so many darn rules!) and reviewed comps. My brain is stuffed full of data. Tomorrow it’s time to turn the charm back on: Wish me luck. Hope buyers come out in full force.

 

Birthing

OMFG, you would not believe the last 48 hours I have had. After a very long Saturday with the open house and following up, I even wrote a long blog post and all… Well, whatdya know. At almost 9pm, I received a text from one of few the couples whose contact info I did NOT collect. They had stopped by when the house was swarming with visitors so I didn’t get to gather their deets.

Anyway, the text said he was at the open house. He looked me up and saw that I was a fellow Dukie (first time Duke has actually hooked me up!). He wanted to see the disclosures. Would I be able to submit an offer if they wanted to bid on the house? Of course. We spoke briefly on the phone then later that night, back and forth on email about the strength of their package– what it takes to win in this market and esp in this neighborhood. I invited them to meet with me and my guru in the AM to discuss strategy. They had plans the next morning and also wanted to see a couple of other places Sunday on their own; maybe stop by my open house again in the afternoon. Ok.

I stayed up super late re-reading the disclosures and calculating pricing. By morning, they emailed saying they changed their plans and wanted to submit an offer. Bc I had moved offices, I lost access to my e-signing program, and I had not yet gotten set up on the new office’s system. Long story short, I wanted the personal letter to be hand-signed so I suggested we meet before my open house at the property. Then began the chaos of the day. I was trying to assemble the docs and get clearance from my guru. The printer wasn’t cooperating. Bubs cut his nose while shaving and was bleeding profusely. We couldn’t find bandages. Then the printer ran out of toner. We ran out of regular paper. Argh!! I decided to print out at the office. Meanwhile, my laptop has been having more and more issues with shutdown and blue screen. I ordered a new one last week but it’s stuck in Asia due to some mechanical airplane failure. When we get to the office with Bubs driving like a maniac, my badge doesn’t work. Are you fucking kidding me??? We drive to Staples to print from my laptop, and ONE service person is helping an old man who doesn’t know what he’s trying to do with some newspaper layout. Time is a ticking, and I am freaking out. The shit gets printed. Then we arrive at the house and my ekey doesn’t work. It was wonky the day before too. Thankfully, I got the combo key for a spare in the side yard. I enter the side yard and it’s a letter-lock not number-based combo lock. WTF? I call the list agent. When he answers, I realize I am in the neighbor’s yard. Duh. Ok, we get inside and my people sign and we chat for a bit.

Then they head off and the open house begins. I’m trying to assemble all the finance docs to show proof of funds. J goes to Staples again to scan in my signed docs. Then, my T-mobile hotspot service is super wonky, which means my wifi sucks. Everything online takes forever. The house is a trustee sale, so I want to be sure the title names are correct. I text a bunch of people to confirm. No reply, so I just send in the doc. Later, list agent says the seller name needs to be the Trust. Have to redo the docs. This time, I get the help of my colleague to send it in. All day, the shit is like that. I’m fumbling around with the e-sign program and then some sig spots were missed. I’m worrying that the buyer is thinking this is totally Mickey Mouse. Open house picks up crazy in the last hour. By late Sunday, listing agent says offer looks good.

On Monday, we’re waiting. I check in in the morning with the list agent, and he says they received others but we are well-positioned. By Monday end, we’re asked to go up bc other party increased bid. My buyer refuses. Fortunately, we get the acceptance despite having the lower offer. I am overjoyed and ecstatic.

On Tuesday, my buyer is asking me again about the solar panel lease. He’s researched the company and is worried. Doesn’t want the panels and wants seller to pay off the lease. I tell him, we would have to reimburse seller and he refuses, saying the lease contract has nothing to do with him. Umm, what? That begins the first of many uncomfortable conversations with multiple parties. Meanwhile, since Monday, I’ve been trying to speak with a live person at the solar company. No callbacks, no email replies. WTF. I probe with my buyer to really see what it is that he wants. Is there another path that would satisfy him? Yes, compensation to take over the lease. Then I get a number for that. I tell the list agent, we want the seller to remove the panels at their cost. List agent calls me like what are you talking about? We told you there was a lease or payoff option. Yes, but my buyers say it’s not in the contract. Yes it is. No it’s not. Finally, I give him a number the buyer wants for compensation.

On Wednesday, I hear the sellers will split the difference and my buyer is upset that I didn’t give them the original number but instead talked him down. He wants to hold firm. I go back to the list agent, and the shit hits the fan. He warns that if we don’t take this deal, sellers will request a contract cancellation. My office insists they can’t do that and are contractually obligated to move forward…  We’re on the phone in the mail room with the list agent and the big guns come out with voices raising… OMFG. More back and forth and then ultimately, we acquiesce to the deal with me throwing in the remaining amount the buyer wants. Now, we’re hoping to move on. That was just Thursday.

On Friday, I’m waiting for the sellers to sign the addendum agreeing to the buyer credit. Late afternoon approaches and still no signature. I begin to worry that the sellers are having second thoughts. Ugggg. Meanwhile, I meet the appraiser at the house. The lender keeps bugging me that we need the signed addendum. Turns out the seller was having tech issues with e-sign. Imagine that. We’re good to go. I then get on the phone with the solar company to begin the lease transfer papers. On hold for freaking ever again. I finally get a little bit of breathing room by week’s end… And I’m off again prepping for another open house. I figure I’ll try to keep the roll going. Scored a 2 BR/2 BA condo in my stomping grounds. Yup, I’m keeping my foot on the gas, Chuck Yeager style!

The following week: Monday and Tuesday, I was out of the office bc my nieces were in town. That didn’t stop me from having to make MORE calls to push and prod the solar lease people. Jesus Christ. It was seriously ridiculous. Understaffed, behind, doing the best they can… blah, blah. Meanwhile, I am combing through the disclosures and inspection reports, calling the inspection companies even to learn more… so that I can properly advise my buyers on next steps. I’m also checking in with the lender, making sure all the loan docs are on track. I keep being told everything is on schedule, then suddenly Thursday rolls around and I call the escrow officer. She says she hasn’t even spoken with the lender. Huh? I mean, it’s so weird but like all the parties are so busy they don’t even check in with each other… it’s very bizarre. So then I’m tracking down the lender again asking them when they are planning to give the estimates to the buyers. By Thursday evening, the lender tells me we might need to get an extension “bc of the major holiday.” Say what, lady? I check with my mentor about the timeline. Even with the holiday, the contract requires us to close on Monday, July 10. Ugh! I push back to the lender: look, I negotiated big time to get the sellers to choose OUR BUYERS over the other families. We have to get this done on time. On Friday, the buyers still have not received the loan doc estimates. I’m CC’d on emails where the escrow and lenders are sending spreadsheets back and forth. I’m finding errors including my name listed as the seller. Meanwhile, my mentor is telling me this is supposed to be the part where those two parties take care of shit without my prodding and checking…. Figures, MY deal would NOT be the norm. By Friday night, the lender calls and tells me there is an error in the docs from the escrow company that would potentially cause delays. By then, it’s after close of business and the escrow officer has gone home for the July 4 holiday weekend. She is completely unreachable. Yup, I was shitting bricks.

Thankfully, the lender worked things out on her team’s end and proceeded to the next step. I got in touch with escrow on Monday for the corrections. Whew!

So, we’re through another hurdle. Loan sign off occurred on Wednesday for my buyers. The sellers signed off the next day, and we are positioned for funding on Monday morning and close Monday afternoon. Just in time as my parents and Bubbey get back to town! Of course, the solar papers are still dragging ass behind the schedule they promised, but it’s not going to clog the deal, so whatever. Sigh. I mean, I’ve definitely learned a shit ton on my inaugural deal. 🙂 While all of this is happening, I’m researching kitchen reno ideas, washer/dryers, kitchen designers, etc. Also, attending training, hustling for open houses on the weekends, prepping for the open houses, studying the market and comps, AND doing a buyer consult meeting completely in Mandarin. Haha, I suppose this job is a dabbler/generalist’s dream with all the multitasking.

Tour Guide

Last week, our nieces were in town, accompanying their mother who was working a conference in SF. J and I were in charge of the two preteen girls for two days. Admittedly, I don’t really have much interaction with kids. I guess growing up in my very non-celebratory family and with my cousins, aunts, and uncles living in Taiwan, my family dynamics are generally very distant. So the thought of chaperoning our nieces for two days kind of stressed me out. J was in charge of getting some feedback from the girls’ parents so we could narrow our choices. Long story short, we got the whole “They’re flexible and will do anything” runaround. I know everyone was just trying to be nice esp bc they know we’re like childfree with limited kid experience, but man, the ambiguity only made things more challenging.

Ah well, we went up to SF on Monday, with the plan being to check out Lombard St., Muir Woods, the trolley cars, and Fisherman’s Wharf. Well, I dunno why I was even surprised, but shit, due to traffic and “city problems,” everything thing took forever. Logistically, the poor girls were like trapped in our car for hours with Uncle J driving like a lunatic. Note to self: for any future visit to Muir Woods, drive to Sausalito and take the bus in, bc there is ZERO parking. Parking was so bad, J just circled around while the girls and I walked the park for 90 minutes. Afterwards, we were WAY beyond lunch time and then headed to Sausalito for lunch. At 2:30pm, the wait for lunch was 45 minutes. What? Yeah, we finally ate around 3:30pm and then it was time to battle the traffic back down the peninsula. The girls were great sports about everything, but I’m sure they were famished, windblown, chilled to the bone, and/or bored. For Day 2, we hit up Fisherman’s Wharf, Ghirardelli Square, and the trolley cars. But man, it was so freaking windy. I mean, honestly, I am way over SF. It’s just one of those things where the juice ain’t worth the squeeze. Haha, we have the lowest tolerance for inconvenience EVER. The thing is, ultimately, we don’t even know if the girls had a good time. A part of me suspects that they would have been happiest just hanging out at home watching tv. Shrug. It’s hard to tell with the young-ins, I tell you.

The Cyclone

Well, it happened. Yup, I submitted my first offer and I scored my first acceptance. 1/1 baby. I am so stoked. Closing date is July 10.

It all happened very fast, but it was by no means easy. I don’t want to reveal too much since we haven’t yet closed, but as my father has always insisted, “There is no free lunch.” I will say, I am grateful that after seven months of busting my ass, I have finally received some kind of affirmation that I can do this work. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the last several days have certainly taken years off my life. I’m hoping the anxiety will subside as I gain more experience and exposure. But shit, I sure felt like I got sucked into a cyclone. Yes, a cyclone (and NOT a whirlwind) of intensity. I had more sleepless nights, runny bowels, tummy aches, numb fingers, no appetite, and two meltdowns.

In my defense, I mean, this is a huge transaction. For many, it is THE biggest transaction of their lives, so even though no-contingency offers are common in this market, I felt so much weight in the responsibility. I wanted to get it all right. And shit, aside from the transactional components, I also learned so much about communication, interaction, negotiation, and the ridiculous messiness of carrying out my fiduciary duty in the midst of high drama and high emotions.

In retrospect, it’s ironic: Even though I have spent a lifetime training up, between my social intelligence and social psych classes, personality tests/readings, comm books, body language seminars, etc., nothing ramped me up like the week following my offer acceptance. The good news is that I made it through and seriously, I have gained so much wisdom.

That said, I’m still keeping my foot on the gas pedal. I know, Bubs and my friends are telling me to take it easy but shit man, I have a fear that I will lose the momentum if I stop. So the next weekend, I hosted another open house. It was a condo just five minutes from home. I randomly pinged a Chinese agent (among several others), met with him two days prior to the open house, and bam, just like that I scored a decent professional contact. He seemed quite impressed by my initiative and attention to detail (I had numerous questions about the HOA docs). Hehe. Yes, I am keeping tabs on all the positive feedback I get: I’ll need a stash for those days when I’ll be discouraged and down in the dumps. 😛

In general, condos are logistically more complicated to host, bc you’re not allowed to prop open the main doors, so visitors have to call your cell first and then you go out front to let them in. That means I leave my shit unattended while strangers are checking out the unit. NBD if I don’t overthink it. I tried to line up a partner for the open house, but my lender got caught up at the bank, so she was 2.5 hours late. Regardless, I fielded the visitors ok. No real sparks. Remember: there are no loyalties in this business, right?

Other general observations? The young professionals can be really standoffish and rude. Older folks are more chatty and friendly. Sadly, no real leads after two days. Ah well, it won’t stop me from staying in touch and from adding the peeps to my database. 🙂 Hey man, I gotta work my system!

Randomly, I got a text from a former colleague at SCU on Sunday afternoon. His family lives in downtown Mountain View and he saw my open house signs as they drove home from Trader Joe’s. Muhahaha, my signs are paying off! J made some funny comment that he felt weird putting up signs near our own hood. I interpreted that as him feeling some shame about my work and career. He dodged my probing questions. In the end, I think he was just feeling sheepish about my work in sales… kinda like when he just drops me off for flyering at the parks. It’s just too much people interaction for the Unabomber. Indeed, I have been feeling pretty darn talked out at the end of each day.

Resurgence

A few months ago when I was taking that BOLD sales/prospecting class, I remember how the head coach kept telling us to keep up the momentum. He told this story about a famous pilot, Chuck Yeager, who broke the sound barrier. Did I re-tell this story already? Anyway, as Chuck Yeager approached the sound barrier, all the instrumentation and shit inside his cockpit started rattling and cracking and breaking. In his communications with the control center, he was convinced he was not going to survive. A few seconds later, he lost contact and everyone in the control center got all sullen, thinking he had died. But just a few seconds after that, he came back on, thrilled to report that he had broken through the barrier.

Obviously, what I’m doing is nothing pioneering or life-threatening, but this story totally captures the moments (so many already) on this whole real estate ride where I really thought I could not go any farther. So many times, I came up on barriers that I felt were insurmountable… that’s it, I would tell myself: that’s the end of this road for me. My mind and psyche were flooded with all those negative thoughts: this was a mistake. I’m not the right personality for this work. I don’t have the constitution for this; I don’t have the charisma; I’m not a salesperson; I’m not compelling; I don’t have the street smarts; I don’t have the emotional intelligence. Who will ever hire me.

I know, all these statements may sound overly dramatic, but when you go for months without a lead, you really start to believe these things. I still say to Bubbey every damn week: “This is my last chance at success.” I mean, for fucks sake, I’m getting too old to be changing careers and turning new tricks.

Yet somehow when I hit these new lows, I always find some way to come back up. To be honest, I think about all the people around the world who struggle and who persist and who inspire. This is not some raw deal or raw hand I got in life. Hardly the case. These are choices I made to do things differently, and I need to hunker down and make this shit happen!

For the longest time, I felt like my parents were always disappointed in me bc I never settled down with my career. I kept changing, I kept switching. While I kept starting over, my peers were building legit careers: they were honing their knowledge and skills, becoming experts and specialists: becoming VPs or partners or directors or chief surgeons or whatever. Meanwhile, I was perpetually in low-mid level positions. They never wanted to tell their friends what I was up to, bc it was nothing impressive. They wanted me to put my head down, work hard, and move up that ladder in ONE place.

Oddly, their ideas and thoughts about jobs seem very different now. I don’t know if it’s bc they have lived a whole other lifetime in the last few years or what… dad now always says you’ll never build wealth from a job (like from a salary). The path to wealth is through assets and passive income. I mean, it’s not so much the money part of his comment that resonates with me (though I totally agree); rather, it’s this subtle acquiescence that suggests: loyalty and hard work to other people don’t really get you jack. I mean, that’s an oversimplification of course. You get stability and security and health insurance. But I think too about how quickly tech is replacing jobs (even skilled jobs) and how much automation will make so many things obsolete eventually… maybe dad has a different perspective on my flexibility and adaptability, seeing as I can do a variety of things, from contracts to project management to web work to making signs… Ha!

I dunno. I still get down and frustrated, but generally, I feel mentally stronger. And more than ever, I feel more in control of my time and my energies. With real estate, I am enjoying the diversity that the business entails and I do feel like ultimately, this is something that is mine that I can grow. It’s not something where after a few years, I’ll feel constrained or limited or pigeonholed. There’s a path to growth. And with it being a business, I get to choose my tools and programs and how I want to run things. It’s pretty dang cool.

So I’m feeling a resurgence. Last month, I vowed to fill all my weekends in June with open houses. I’ve done that 3/3 weekends now. This weekend, I scored my best open house yet: a single-family home in a very hot neighborhood in Sunnyvale. I got more people at my open house today than probably all my past open house combined. It was nonstop. And all Asians!!! I was extra diligent about gathering info and following up. Yup, contacted people within HOURS of my open house wrapping up. Tomorrow, I go back for Day 2.

Before my open house today, I also hit up two busy parks in Sunnyvale. Yup, did my whole “approaching strangers with kids” tactic and passed out my open house postcards. J went with me to the park; we split up; and then I texted him when I was done. He couldn’t stop remarking about how hardworking I was. It’s kinda funny though: In my regular circle of friends, no one works in sales. So when I tell people about all this prospecting shit, they are kinda in awe that I somehow find the energy to do these awkward activities. But then when I talk to my colleagues or people who work in sales, they’re like, yeah you gotta do MORE. More people. More conversations. More calls. MORE. What you’re doing is not enough. Sigh. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll kick it up another notch.