Category Archives: Work

The Whim of Others

As you probably can guess, one of my favorite aspects of my new career is the control: I get to make all the decisions related to how I want to run my business and where I want to focus my energies. The shitty part, as I’ve mentioned before, involves lead gen and related to that, dealing with people. Seriously, I encounter THE worst kinds.

For example, the other day, my friend saw a For Sale sign in her neighborhood. Thinking that it might be an opportunity for her out-of-town parents, she asked me to look into it. I learned that it was a probate sale requiring court confirmation. My coach was attending a conference, but I called him to get the low down on how that stuff works. Sometimes, things can be a little complicated when involving the attorneys and courts. He gave me some thoughts, and I reached out to the list agent. Mind you, all over the listing, the agent wrote to call him for details about the process. You know, like it was complicated and needed explanation. I had been out and about, so I emailed him first asking for whatever info he could provide. I told him I would call the next morning. He replies with three lines: cash only, court date, bids above XYZ, vacant.

So Saturday rolls around, and I call him around noon. I was very polite. Do you have a few minutes to talk? Yes. So I start asking him about the protocol, including why the offer has to be cash only and how is the bidding done. I throw out what my coach says just as a starting point to confirm the accuracy, and then the agent cuts me off, saying my info is all wrong. I ask him a few clarifying questions, and he says, “Do you have a managing broker? You need that person to train you up on this. I’m not going to train you on my time.” I just say a few more words and then he cuts me off and says, “I’m done. Have you even seen it yet?” No, I was planning to see it tomorrow. “Call me after you see it.” Click.

He was so incredibly rude. I looked him up afterwards to see where a bastard like this comes from, and he was a former director of the CA Association of Realtors. Say what??? I mean, I get it. Time is precious and I probably should have read the special probate contract before calling, but I thought it would just take a few minutes and I wanted to glean some additional info about the sale. Nope. Could NOT be bothered. I mean, Jesus Christ. As a former director, he could at least be professional and nice. Just tell me you’re busy and advise that I contact my broker for more details… Sheesh. I was so annoyed by this behavior. And yet, what can you do. I have to just shake it off and move on. Part of the job. God, what an asshole he was!

Meanwhile, I’m still working with four buyers. All of them all over the damn place. Seriously. One day, a buyer’s adult daughter tells me he’s in the market for duplexes in Santa Clara County, $1.2 to $1.5M budget. Less than 24 hrs later, scratch all that: The Dad actually wants a mobile home. I don’t want to be elitist or anything BUT mobile homes are an entirely different beast, bc they are not real property. They are like vehicles. And the budget is $200-$300k with mobile home parks as far as south county.

I’ve been going out to see places with my other buyer. Never sees anything he likes. If there is something the slightest bit interesting, personal stuff keeps coming up (he has a newborn) and we never proceed to reviewing disclosures and writing an offer.

My third buyers are the Chinese couple from out of state. They keep wanting what is simply not in our market: new construction, large lot. I keep sending them the new actives, and nothing interests them. I ask if they want to alter their criteria. No, we want to wait.

Finally, this morning, they contact me about a new listing that’s new construction but smaller lot (so they ARE modifying their parameters). It opens tomorrow with all the disclosures posting then. By this afternoon, they say, forget it– it’s close to the Caltrain. I suggest another new construction in Menlo Park. What about this? What about a third new one in Mountain View? Nope. We wait. So here I am, two months of hard core hustling (still dealing with my cough, btw) and still at Square 1. I’m so frustrated.

Tonight, I have my second homebuying class of the month. For the first class, eight people registered. Three came. People think just bc something is free they can blow through shit. It’s way inconsiderate, but then again, I dunno why I would be surprised. Tonight’s class has six people registered. It’s been cold and rainy. I texted people to say I look forward to seeing them… we’ll see if that does anything. I called John and he said he’s all stressed out for my classes. I was like, Huh? Why are YOU stressed? Bc it’s so much work and prep and setup and then no one comes.

I mean, it IS demoralizing. My second class last May was like 30 minutes past start time and NO ONE showed. I was about to cry. Now I feel ok though. I mean, I do have to schelp folders and handouts and drinks and goodies and all that. But at least I pretty much know my slides so it’s not like I wasted weeks rehearsing. Fingers crossed tonight will be a decent turnout.

Sick As A Dog

Well, I have now been sick for over a month. Fucking A! It all started at the turn of the year. Picked up the flu when I went to the doctor for my wellness exam and flu shot. Learning from my past lessons, I did not delay and contacted the doctor as soon as the symptoms came on. Went on Tamiflu. Then, at week 3, still had a lingering cough and still fatigued super easily. Called the advice line. Doctor prescribed five days of Zithromax antibiotics. Another week later (week 4, if you’re still keeping count), STILL coughing (dry cough) and still tired as fuck. Add in stuffy nose and sneezing fits. Yesterday, I called the doctor again. She insists that her constitution is like mine: she gets sick a LOT and for a long time each incidence. She thinks the cough is lingering bc now with the hot weather (yes, it’s been high 70s– unseasonably warm), our allergies are getting triggered, which makes recovery from the flu/cold take longer, plus the throat/nose are irritated. Ugh. It really is a pain in the ass getting tired every few hours. I know, this damn Year of the Dog has got me sick as a dog.

Meanwhile, my Peruvian posse visited last Saturday and left yesterday morning: this time 3 adults and 2 kiddos (4 y/o and 1 y/o). Due to work, which has been picking up like a mofo, I mostly just saw them for breakfast and dinner. Still, it was a good visit. I’ve hung with P’s youngest sister several times but this was the first time meeting the eldest, on her inaugural trip to the USA. They are super duper whirlwind travelers: In 15 days, they are doing SF, Vegas, and Disney/LA. All by car. Makes me tired just thinking about it.

Btw, I’m happy to report that our tiny houseboat has a sustainable carrying capacity for five adults, two kids, and one polar bear. I think I’ve finally got the Houseboat on a system where stuff is clean and things are relatively organized. My office/guest room is looking pretty good. Last year, I got storage cabinets and drawers for my work files so the paperwork is organized (mostly); the CB2 Lubi lounger is working out well as an expandable guest bed; and the room is really bright and colorful. My latest addition is a purple rug that I picked up for free two doors down. Who knows what it was used for previously, but my neighbor is a retired realtor who has a beautiful home, so I’m going to assume it wasn’t a shit-encrusted rug.

John also rearranged his desk recently so now his office is way bigger. We were able to fit a monster air mattress in there for my friend P. The babies were incredibly good. I mean, the 1 y/o is super active and gets into EVERYTHING. His poor mother is exhausted! Our home is not kiddie-proofed at all, so suddenly, all my remotes and coasters and decorative pieces ended up high up on the fireplace mantle. But those kids. SMH. They left the house for SF touristy activities and were out ALL DAMN DAY, like 12 hours?!?!?! I mean, not to be judgey but how come some kids can only last 2 hours max? Is it the kids or the parents? I dunno. But again, all of this just re-enforced how happy I am to NOT to be a human parent.

That said, Bentley is having his quirks. I tried to switch him to 100% dry food and he went on a hunger strike for days. WTF. I mean, it’s like a test of the wills over here, and it’s not pretty. Bubs made me cave after two days so I threw in my Rover dog’s canned food that was left with us. Argh. Fine, now I’ve ordered some canned to mix to go with the dry. Fucking picky eater. I was wanting the all dry food diet to keep his teeth clean… guess I have to pick and choose my battles with this special needs dog.

Also, he is still exhibiting trust issues after I had to do the ear flushes. He’ll let me do it still (now only weekly instead of daily) but he still tries to run away and he whimpers about it. Big baby. Then there was an incident where the 4 y/o was petting him and then she was going to brush him. He lied down all submissive and then suddenly barked and growled at her. I’m telling you, that’s going to be my biggest stressor– his unpredictability. Sure, he’s only been with us four weeks. Still. I mean, he’s at a size where he can really hurt someone, so after that, I am being hyper vigilant.

I mean, from what I’ve read, with fear aggression (vs. territory or possession or dominance aggression), he will try first to run and hide. The barking is also a signal to leave him alone. With other forms of aggression, the dog is more dominant and confident and will attack/provoke but… still. I just feel like I can’t let my guard down. I have to watch for his body language and signals. Thankfully, the girl was hardly even phazed. I was so surprised that neither she nor her 1 y/o brother were intimidated by Bentley’s size.

I’ve been reading up on dog training. That shit sure has changed in the last 15 years. Maybe it’s similar to how much parenting has changed: it’s all about desensitization + positive reinforcement for troublesome scenarios. No more training where you rule through fear.

Milestone

I scored a pretty big milestone recently. You know how one of my approaches to my biz is to build peer-to-peer relationships by reaching out to stranger real estate agents and offering to host their listings open? Our office encourages new agents to do this, but they recommended asking only agents without our same brokerage. But I cast a wider net and ask everybody and anybody. For many months last year, I’d been on a roll, hosting an open house nearly every weekend I was in town. My colleagues and loan officers would ask how I was hosting so many, and I explained that at the start of every week, I reach out to 20-30 agents asking to host. If I don’t hear back by mid week, I text. If I still don’t hear back, I call. To me, this is just regular follow through. But everyone I told this to has been so surprised that I would go through so many steps.

Once I get the open house, I submit reports immediately after so the list agent knows how things went. And I drop a handwritten thank you card in the mail. Again, my people shake their heads, telling me I’m doing way too much. Well, that’s just how I work. And I am finally seeing it pay off. I mentioned earlier how having a great relationship with my coach led to me getting this gig with the Persian agent.

Then last Saturday, while I was attending a meetup event on the new tax laws (doing research for my upcoming seminar…), I got a call: a Chinese couple from the East Coast toured a property that I had hosted open last year, and they were very interested. Originally, they wanted to work with the list agent/builder directly, but he doesn’t do dual agency (where one agent reps both the seller and buyer sides), so he gave them my number. I mean, this is a HOT lead from an agent who only knew me, bc I reached out and hosted his property a few times.

The call actually came from the couple’s son, who wanted to make sure I could speak Chinese. I set up an appointment and met the couple the very next day. The entire night before the meeting, I couldn’t sleep. I was SOOO stressed, bc they are maybe ten years younger than my parents, so they understand English but really prefer to communicate in Chinese. I was worried about my level… should I ask my native-speaker friend to accompany me? What do I do?

Then I remembered a recent conversation I had with a Chinese agent in my office. He had asked if I worked with Chinese clients, and I said I had but that most seem to prefer working with a native Chinese speaker. He told me, not necessarily.  You shouldn’t feel intimidated about working with them. Then he mentioned another agent in the office who is Chinese-American like me. He said that guy works with tons of clients using his non-native Mandarin.

I’ve actually heard that guy’s Mandarin. It’s ok– the pronunciation is kinda wonky. He’s probably the same level if not worse. It was one of those, if he can do it, I can do it moments.

So the next morning, the couple shows up. I had been hoping their son would accompany so I could speak predominantly in English, but no such luck. Thankfully, the conversation went fine! I told them various scenarios and tactics for winning bids. And they very willingly signed the agency disclosure documents AND the buyer-broker agreement. At the end, the lady commented that my Chinese was pretty good. Hurray… so now I have legit, committed buyers!

Teacher’s Pet

Recently, I was starting to feel frustrated about my “long way” of doing things. You see, while I was pouring all this time and energy into studying the details– be it reading the disclosure documents for every single home I hosted open, or looking into nuances in the contract, or asking questions about one-off driveway maintenance agreements– my colleagues were booking appointments and getting listings. I was starting to think that I was misdirecting my focus. Somehow, I was doing it all wrong. again.

Granted, my style has always been on the detail-oriented side. When I took the DISC personality test, my number 1 trait was dominance– getting shit done. But I also have a thing for data/details/minutiae. I want shit done but done right, so that means I want to know what I’m talking about. Studying the details and understanding the why gives me confidence and decisiveness. Anyway, I was starting to feel sorry for myself bc honestly, I was spending more time and not really gaining traction. I mean, how many times had I prepped all the offer paperwork in anticipation of submitting the offer only to get to the end and have the client decide NOT to submit on the property?? Yes, part of it was that I wanted to have the docs ready to go at a moment’s notice. The other factor was that I wanted the time to cross all the t’s and dot all the i’s. Btw, all along I was meeting with my coach weekly, and I’d always show up with a bunch of questions.

Long story short, I caught a break last week! My coach called me and said the office was trying to recruit an agent– a top performer at another brokerage. In their conversations with the agent, he revealed that one of his problems is having too much work and not enough help. In the past, he had hired an assistant and added members to his team, but they never worked out. As a way of offering him a solution, my coach and the office CEO offered to refer him to some newer agents who could assist. My coach wanted to recommend me!! Say what???

Yes, I was thrilled. For one thing, I mean, my coach works with about 50 agents, and he said I came to mind. Yay. I was so happy and grateful that he thought of me. He said that I ask a lot of good questions, and the agent wanted someone who’s a good researcher. Yeehaw!!! So the thing is, in general, when you start off as a new agent, you can 1) join an existing team as a buyer’s agent and basically get leads handed to you. But you earn a salary (not commission) or 2) start on your own and get your own business. The reason I started my first year with option 2 is bc my coach said a lot of times the teams have retention problems. When you join as a salaried staff with a specific role, you end up basically doing all the grunt work without much compensation or room for growth. So my coach suggested that agents learn more about the business doing it on their own… I also liked the autonomy of option 2…

However, now that I’m a year in, I feel more confident about the transactional details but I could use some more leads! The cool thing about this new opportunity with this agent, let’s call him R is this: he’s happy to have my help on a case by case basis. This allows me to still do my own thing and build my biz. So essentially, it’s the best of both worlds: he gets the help he needs; I get some leads to build my experience and confidence and earnings!

After I told my coach I was interested, the office CEO wanted to talk to me before passing my name along. That phone screen cleared. Then, I waited two days and no word from R. So I got his info from the CEO and called him up. He is a delightful, jolly Persian man, a bit younger than my dad. He was so happy I called. We scheduled to meet later that day, and bam, he was keen to get started right away. Gave me the first client that day!

And I have been cranking out the property searches and info fast! In the last few days, I’ve delivered him info for three different clients. Each time, I compile all the info, disseminate via email, follow up with calls… and he’s like Santa Claus every time I talk to him. He’s so pleased and happy. Everything I give him, he’s like “Perfect. Very good. Excellent.” I’ve learned a lot too, about commercial/investment properties. Also, watching him make calls… He’s excellent on the phone– has incredible rapport. Then again, he’s been an agent for 30 years, so his clients come back and trust him. It’s amazing to witness what that relationship looks like: They seek his feedback. They listen to his recommendations. There’s respect. They’re willing to drive 90 minutes just to meet with him. It’s seriously been so eye-opening. And dayum, I’ve missed the validation and acknowledgement that comes from being productive and helpful and valued.

Looking back, this experience is a reminder of just how detrimental my disappointments have been on my psyche. The rejection and lack of response and rudeness of people was kinda screwing with my soul. And now doing these small tasks has filled my bucket again and given me renewed energy and resilience to continue building my business.

New Year Updates

In other news, Bentley is adjusting beautifully. To be honest, I’ve been super surprised by the ease of transition given that he’d previously been living outdoors for a year. The first day we brought him home (last Tuesday night), he had some spraying issues but just that first day. No other potty problems since, no destruction, no anxiety. We haven’t left him alone for extended periods– just a few hours here and there. He does this weird thing that I’d characterize as “self-soothing.” Yeah, do I run in yuppie circles or what? He just whimpers for a few seconds and then stops. Yes, we watch on cameras everywhere.

The downside to Bentley is that he is def XXL. A LOT of dog with tons of fur that is quite unmanageable and is literally floating around everywhere in my house now. It’s a tough situation for someone trying to keep her home “Airbnb ready.” Sigh, a compromise we have decided to make. Also, Mr. B is not neutered, so I gotta get that scheduled and done. But he is so very gentle and so eager to please. And I mean, not to throw Rems and Martin under the bus, but Mr. B is smart. Like at the level where if you don’t set boundaries and stay consistent with the training, he could potentially organize a coup de tat and take over control of the Houseboat. Just sayin’.

I think J really enjoys having a big protector breed. Bentley is really so big (70 lbs.) that I can’t imagine people will want to fuck with us anytime we’re out with him. Also, he is very systematic about patrolling the yard and keeping the rodents away. Critters have been hollowing out the oranges on Bubbey’s trees, so finally, we’ll get to enjoy the fruit.

What else. Many years later, I finally made the switch back to Verizon. I know, Bubs will tell you I dragged ass on it for an inordinate amount of time for no real good reason. I have to agree. As much as I admired the rebellious image/branding of T-Mobile, that shit just did not offer enough coverage. There were also some shady experiences with the company. So I’m back on Verizon. I made sure to return the cell booster to the store this time (and get a receipt and the rep’s name), so I wouldn’t be charged $410 for supposedly NOT shipping it back.

I started making calls again yesterday. While I was on my deathbed (with a sore throat and crap voice), I missed a number of calls. No messages were left, but using reverse lookups and callerID, I determined that at least one came from my farming postcards, which I mail out the first week of every month. So I call the lady. She answers and I introduce myself, saying who I am and that I saw she called. She was so. rude. Yeah, I’m no longer interested bc you didn’t answer the phone. Um, I’m sorry, but I was sick with the flu all last week. Yeah, well I’ve moved on to other agents. Oh well, have you signed an agreement? No. Oh, then I’d be happy to answer your questions…. the conversation went on but she was just so pissy that I didn’t answer my phone at the exact time that she called. I mean, nevermind that I was very ill. I could have been in the bathroom, meeting with a client, doing any number of things… and mind you, she couldn’t even be bothered to leave a message. But me losing her business was MY FAULT bc I was lazy. That’s seriously what she was insinuating. She then said she was at work and very busy. I offered to call her back at a more suitable time. I’d be happy to meet in person, as I also live in MV… she basically hung up. And this was so upsetting to me. I mean, sure, we all have shit days. We all get into bad moods. But Jesus. The attitude, the apparent disrespect… I am honestly astonished by the number of adults living in this world who behave and interact like children. And yet, I am supposed to build a thicker skin, give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she’s just rough on the edges, as people like to say. She has a home to sell, and I at least want to interview for the role of selling her home. I wrote her a card and I’m going to follow up.

On the up side, I called a guy I’ve been in touch with since summer. Originally, he said he’d be keen to meet in the new year to discuss working together to find his family a home. He was very pleasant and spoke openly. But they are bowing out of the market. It’s just still too high and too competitive. Honestly, I don’t think the market is going to change anytime soon (like in the next year), but I have to respect people and their choices. This is def not the market for people who are wishy washy or uncertain. You gotta decide and then go full speed ahead. We’ll see what other interesting characters I encounter this week as I get back to business.

Ghosted

The weekend before I flew back East for the holidays, I managed to score an open house from an agent whose property I had hosted in the past. The open houses were super busy both days. For one thing, TONS of families came through, and OMFG, people let their fucking kids just run feral!!! Seriously, like three or four families, all with multiple kids ranging from 5-10 y/o, chasing the bejesus outta each other throughout the entire house. Upstairs, I heard shit being knocked over… I mean, FFS, the open house is not a goddamn playground. Please control your kids or leave them in the car.

Anyway, my loan officer and I were swamped the whole time, and there were two properties available side by side, so I was running back and forth to show both homes. I gathered lots of info but bc I am still lame about making the case for appointments, zero appointments.

The last hour of the last day, I met a couple who has been renting in my neighborhood just down the street from the open house. Long story short, they said they weren’t working with an agent and they asked me to rep them. I met them again Monday night after they got off work to tour the house again. Since we our initial meeting, I’d been corresponding via email and text with info I would need. After their second tour of the house, they had to rush off for an evening work call and told me they were getting their financing in order and wanted to proceed. Tuesday, I flew out to MD. As soon as I landed (noon their time), I texted that I had an agent covering me should they wish to see houses the week I was out. I also asked to debrief now that they had taken a night to sleep on it. I followed my text later in the night with a call. Went straight to voicemail. No reply for two days. Late Wednesday they finally replied to my texts and vm saying they went to see another house in my neighborhood, a comparable. Originally, they had told me they liked my house better than that one. So I text, do you want to submit an offer on that house. No reply. And then I was ghosted for a week until I returned to town the day after Christmas.

This is just one illustration of how little respect this job garners. People are fucking rude. If you change your mind or your status changes, no problem, but can you fucking let me know? Especially since I am working on my “vacation” from the the East Coast? Also, how old are you? Can you be a professional adult and at least have the decency to let me know rather than to ghost me?!? Who behaves like this?

After I got back to town, I reached out again. Finally, on Wednesday, they called and said they submitted an offer on the other house through the listing broker. No apology, nothing. I didn’t know how to express my disappointment. And then they had some more questions… this is the story with buyers these days: Use multiple agents to squeeze whatever info they can and then just do whatever the fuck they want without remorse. There was some complicated thing too where they didn’t get into contract with their offer. Then a few days later, they were advised by the seller to resubmit. But they were calling me for more information… I dunno. Clearly, the guy was ambiguous and indirect. And just like that, no deal for me. And these are my neighbors, you know what I mean? Whatever.

As for my trip home, it was frustrating as usual. I got along with parents but their indecision and slowness with downsizing is getting to me. Dad is visibly aged from being a caretaker and sole source of engagement and stimulation for mom. I’m exasperated bc things don’t have to be so freaking difficult since they have resources, and yet they make it this way due to stubbornness, resistance, and introversion, so that makes me resentful…

Incidentally, I met up with a childhood friend from 7th grade. Hadn’t seen her in more than ten years bc she just ghosted everyone. Turns out, she moved back in with her parents about seven years ago to work on writing a book and she discovered that both parents were basically living in squalor, unable to care for themselves. She immediately became their primary caregiver, taking them to medical appointments, researching elder care options, cooking meals, getting them dressed, cleaning, etc. She said she turned into a hermit after getting buried with all these responsibilities. Meanwhile, where’s her brother? He lives out of state and is totally useless. No help at all. Big surprise.

Last year, her dad– who has dementia– had a heart attack. Mom who has Alzheimer’s had a stroke. They got moved to a facility near my parents’ house. All prior to this, there were many opportunities to plan, to sign legal papers that would have made things easier. Nope. Refusal at every. Damn. Stage. Savings go fast for eldercare. Now she has to empty and sell the house. Not to mention, seven years of her life gone.

I feel so much anger for my friend. It didn’t have to be like this. Parents, fucking get your shit together. Make a plan. It’s not right that your kids get burdened with all this bc you are unable to take responsibility and provide guidance on where you want to be, what level/extent of treatment you wish to have, what you want for quality of life. This shit is really hitting a nerve with me, bc even though my parents were great at financial planning and growing wealth and whatever, they are now stuck, unable to commit to one place to live, unable to update their paperwork, unable to specify their medical directives and so on. Time is ticking. And wtf is the plan for when one passes and the other survives? There is zero guidance and it is stressing me out bc as with my friend T, my brother is going to be utterly useless.

So anyway, I haven’t been in the best of spirits lately. My MIL moves soon to an assisted living facility. Again, total denial about her diagnosis, her weakened condition, the level of care she needs, etc. And she is completely adamant about NOT moving from her independent living apartment. J and his siblings have been so stressed about making these decisions, they are sick to their stomachs. Honestly, he and his siblings always amaze me with how well they handle these stressful situations and difficult conversations. But goddamn, it didn’t have to be this difficult.

I know all of us will grow old. We will be faced with the inevitable cruelty of mental decline and physical atrophy and we will surely be stripped of independence and choice sooner than we would want to accept. But as much as the articles insist we will ultimately morph into our parents, I still hold out hope that we will learn the necessary lessons to make our transition less painful for those who love and care for us when that time comes. Please let that be true.

A Year in the Biz

So I’ve been intending all along to finish the year out strong by keeping up the pressure with building my biz. What that translates to, is that while many other agents have given up on hosting open houses during the winter, I’ve still been hustling for them every weekend that I’m around. Granted, I DID cut back to one day instead of two to accommodate holiday parties and such, but still.

Sadly, at the end of all this effort, the results in December have been extremely disappointing. In other words, shit traffic. For example, in areas where it’s typical to get 15-20 parties through per day, I’m seeing less than ten and of the ten, more than half are looky loos, aka nosy neighbors! Not a horrible thing, but def not hot leads.

It’s been really frustrating and then when I get down about it, I let everything slide… like I become less aggressive asking for visitor contact info and I’m less engaging while they are on site. The ripple effect from a demoralized mental state is real.

Looking forward though, I know what more I need to do. For instance, I def need to start making more calls to people I know: old acquaintances and friends. Talking to 25-30 people/week–mostly the open house folks– about real estate is not enough. That number needs to be closer to 100. And those calls… Of course, I’m aware of the awkwardness, the length of time that’s passed from when we last spoke, etc. But I read something by one of our seasoned top producers recently, and it was helpful to remind me of why these calls are necessary. Staying in contact is how this biz works. If you don’t stay top of mind, people conveniently forget that you’re in real estate and the next thing you know, your best friend is buying a house from someone else. Shiit. I gotta do it.

In related news, this new career is def changing my perspective on a lot of things. I have more respect and empathy now for salespeople, bc holy shit, this commission-only gig is a stressful grind and no matter how you slice it, that daily, constant rejection is hard. I haven’t personally altered my reaction to salespeople too drastically, but I do try now to hear them out a little more. And I just stay pleasant and polite. Not that I ever slammed the door/phone before, but now I just feel more understanding.

As for me in the sales role, I feel like I am constantly having to re-thicken my skin. Immediately after a round of door knocking or open houses, I’ll generally feel more confident talking to strangers but man, if I let up the following week, I recognized the immediate regression, bc those blows start to sting again. That constant desensitization is I think the only way to maintain some resiliency.

I also look at small businesses differently. I think about all the different facets that go into owners and shopkkeepers running a biz. Unlike with all my past salaried jobs, I no longer focus primarily on my job from that sole contributor vantage point. Now I have to think about medical insurance, taxes, marketing, business infrastructure, vendor expenses, the works! I mean, I LOVE having control over all those areas and I like seeing how it all integrates, BUT it’s also a lot of other stuff to think about and research and optimize. And now I am more aware of that for other business owners. They ARE very different than the big corporate multi-nationals. And in positions where I can, I try to support their businesses. Don’t get me wrong: I still love the selection, price, and convenience of those big boxers like Costco and Amazon, but I have also been buying little goodies or crafts or small things that I see that previously, I would have just passed by. There is something about seeing the enthusiasm and fire in their eyes and compensating them for their work and craft. Seriously, I wear some different lenses now as I move through life… it’s not always about getting the absolute best deal. Many times, yes, but not all the time like before.

Needless to say, as my first year comes to an end, I’m trying hardest to keep the mental clutter in check. Of course, outside of work, the holidays aren’t exactly the best time for me emotionally. I always feel overwhelmed ahead of seeing my family and plus, there’s just so much cultural pressure with you know, the gatherings having to be all festive and joyous. Also, I am still trying to figure out how to manage my daily annoyance re: my brother’s idiotic emails. More on that later.

To their credit, my parents really do try to be chill with me now, but like I’ve said before, my mind and body just have this habitual conditioned response. For instance, Dad keeps asking about my business. His intention I think is to comfort me for not having hit the milestones I’d originally set for myself for this first year… he acknowledges that I’m working hard and not seeing the results that I want, and he reiterates that building a biz takes time… I appreciate all of that but then he’ll say, “You’re not going to quit, right????” I think he just means I need to hang tight, BUT my brain just automatically gets pissy, reading that as some judgement he’s making about my past careers and how I’ve left them when I’ve grown frustrated or unhappy. I dunno how to explain this complex set of emotional bullshit other than that it really is hard for me to NOT take every thing my parents say so fucking literally or critically. Ugh, my sensitivity with them is always sky high.

It took some convincing but J advised that I take a break, so we’re in Scottsdale for a couple of days. I was reluctant at first, bc clearly I am very prone to tunnel vision and falling into that cyclone of despair. I don’t like to be bothered or distracted from focusing on my current problems.  But I’m glad I stepped away.

The break def helps me reset a bit. There’s a lot more to be done, but I know rest and fun are still essential. I’ve been reading recently about how work-life balance is a sham. Honestly, I think it’s mostly semantics, but I do understand this concept that focusing on one area will always detract from another… that’s how priorities work. I suppose the answer then is found somewhere along the lines of “Work hard, play hard.” Be focused on work while at work, but also make time for rest and play. And try to respect those boundaries whether they are delineated hour by hour or week by week or month by month. So I’m going to be more deliberate about adopting that mindset in the coming weeks and new year.

My Hood

Veteran agents keep telling me I need to become more “embedded” in my neighborhood. But shit, I have been jonesing to detach and at a minimum unsubscribe from NextDoor. That platform makes me HATE being a part of this “community.” In other words, my neighbors are batshit cray. And there are multiple batshit crazy ones out there. See below for this stellar example– a message posted ON Thanksgiving, of all fucking days. So someone put bagged shit in your trash bin. Really? You put it on the sidewalk so they can return to claim it? Smh. That is some first rate level of pettiness.

Back to Home Base

Wow, I cannot believe it has been TEN days already since we got back from Asia. That. trip. SMH. So freaking exhausting. I know, the flight back– at eleven hours flight time– was loads better than the flight there, but shiit, J and I were seriously fucked up by jetlag for AT LEAST a full week afterwards.

I was so bummed after landing bc 1) customs confiscated all six packages of hot pot mix that my cousin gave me. Mind you, these packages were totally commercially, mass-produced products… comparable to like a Lipton dry soup mix. These were not some random mom-pop shop plastic baggie of flavor crystals. It was such a weird exchange too: The customs officer was some Mid-Eastern guy who looked on the back of the package and circled some Chinese characters in the ingredients list. He was like, “Look.” As if I was trying to scam him or sneak something through… Dude, I declared on my sheet that I had food!!!

Also dude. I’m illiterate in Chinese. I dunno what you are pointing out. Supposedly, the characters were “chicken meal/powder”, so just like that, all six packets gone. Annoying, but whatever. Border patrol. Customs. TSA. All you can do is shrug.

2) After we got home, I kept trying to reach out to Sadie’s mom. She was supposed to bring Sadie, the King Charles Cavalier (past Rover client) over later that morning. Finally, at like 30 minutes before our pre-set drop off time, she texted that she’s sick and her trip is cancelled. Boo. No Sadie fix for me.

Just as well though, bc Bubs and I conked for like the rest of the day. Yeah, jetlag is no fricking joke. My dad always talks about it so non-nonchalantly: “I just go to bed at night in my arrival city.” NBD. Yeah, that’s dad for you: Always trying to demonstrate his discipline and self control. Whatever. Our flight arrived before 7am on Wed. I made it to 1pm. That’s the best I can do.

The next few days, I managed to get back into the office and such. But J was a total mess. In his defense, he claims to have read some article stating that jetlag requires one day of recovery for every timezone, so Taiwan is like 16 time zones ahead. Go figure. Yes, it took him DAYS to get out of the jetlag brain fog. I was better, but not by much.

Regardless, I was thrilled to be back home. For one thing, my face had broken out insanely while overseas. Like five monster cysts. Typically, when I am home, I ice those buggers and it reduces the inflammation, but there’s no fucking ice in Taiwan. People just don’t drink beverages iced. So as soon as we got home, we chugged down some iced bevvies. Yes, we are spoiled, wasteful, gluttonous Americans. I also iced down my entire face. Holy crap, my skin was so much better by morning. That said, it could also have been the double whammy with a prescription topical antibiotic. You see, dad saves prescription meds from everything and anything. He travels with a monster packing cube full of drugs. I mean, when you take care of three 90+ y/os and you’re a retired doc, I guess you like to have access to all your supplies. So incidentally, he had a tube of antibiotic cream that Yebbie used two years ago after the hospital removed his stomach tube. In Taiwan, Dad saw the disfiguring cysts on my face and figured this prescription-grade shit might help. He also said something about infections near the nose/eye areas being dangerous… I dunno. I just want those fuckers gone. So anyway, maybe the combo of that with the icing helped my skin calm down.

I mean, don’t get me wrong: Ten days later, I am still dealing with this bullshit BUT it is getting better and at least, my face is not THROBBING like before.

Meanwhile today, I was watching a video from a makeup blogger I follow. She claims to have had acne issues that were really bad and really obstinate after her pregnancy. She finally found something that eliminated her cysts on her chin. So those words are like triggers for me. Being the desperate sucker that I am, I had to watch her video and now I’m going to order her recommended 3-step skin care kit. Sure, everyone and their mother has some cure out there. Why am I trying hers and not the others? I dunno. I just kind of like her… despite her being Mormon and being into fostering/adopting kids. Shrug.

You know me: I don’t identify with any part of that life… still, there is something about her… something grounded about her. She started a makeup line but she is more than a makeup artist. I dunno how to explain it other than to say that she has depth. There is a gravity to her life. And tonight I was just browsing around her site some more, and I came across her post about love and addiction and codependency. Her post is old and from years ago, but it moved me… in some small way, it reminded me of our darker days when J really struggled with his depression. She tried. so. hard. Hers is a sad story, and yet, look at her now: She is strong. She is happy. She is thriving. I can’t help but admire her strength. So now I’m buying her skincare set… well, on Cyper Monday when it’s supposed to go on sale. 🙂 I hope it improves my skin, bc yes, I’m back to that pain in the ass problem again… at 42 y/o.

Daughters of Immigrant Parents 

Holy crap, I cannot believe it is the end of October. I really hustled to finish the month out strong…. I had an open house in Menlo Park Saturday and Sunday in hopes of squeezing in an offer before flying off to Taiwan on Monday. Sadly, no such luck. I’ve had the worst experiences with Menlo Park, actually. It’s a trendy city in the more expensive San Mateo County, so for both properties I was hopeful, but I dunno, the streets are really difficult to place signs bc the roads have no shoulder or have cars parked everywhere. It’s been a real pain and then I got no traffic through the open house. Given, the properties were on the market longer than usual but still… anyway, note to self: No more Menlo Park. Stick to what I know in Santa Clara County.

The interesting thing I’ve learned though while working with my Vietnamese loan agent and my Indian buyers… the immigrant experience really is a powerful life influence. Like when I had my homebuying class and I talked about handling a lot of matters for my parents, the attendees really got it. And so many times, my friend C the loan officer is on the phone handling transactions for her aunt or cousins or whatever. It’s a lot of extra work and tedious shit too like reviewing HOA docs or managing bank accounts or legal contracts…. I dunno. Sometimes it’s comforting to know we share common experiences, but man, Asian daughters have to handle so much shit. C was telling me how her parents bought a house that her brother and his wife live in. Sound familiar? And her brother is always benefiting from being the Asian son. He’s not even responsible or helpful with anything. He just reaps all the benefits without having to lift a fucking finger. Meanwhile, bc C is single, the people in family, esp the women, are constantly cutting her down. Her grandmother ridicules her and calls her an old maid and “leftover” woman. She accuses her of being a man. I get so worked up and pissed off when I hear that shit. It really just highlights how sexist Asian culture still is. Meanwhile she handles all important matters, financing, legal stuff, etc. and her brother does nothing. And she’s the one getting called names. Again, it’s that Asian style of parenting where people think name calling and shaming will motivate you to somehow have a different outcome. It’s so demeaning and manipulative. I think it helps C to know that I understand the criticism bc I have seen it. But man, esp before my trip to Taiwan, it gets me super on edge. Like if my relatives say anything to get under my skin, I will just fucking blow up.

Of course, as the universe would plan it, Johnny keeps emailing my dad’s email account. Last week was a YouTube video by an ex pharma sales guy who basically said the pharmaceutical business is all about making money. Then, there was a video about the dangers of the flu vaccine. This week he sent some video with tips about what husbands can do to maintain a good marriage. I mean, generally I am all about the self help and learning how to improve my relationships, but advice from my selfish, never been married brother? Puhleeze. Step the fuck off, man child.

It irks me so much I’m going to tell Dad I’m done monitoring his emails. He can either block this bullshit content, tell Johnny to stop spreading his antivax propaganda, or he can monitor his own goddamn email. So fucking annoying to see this garbage on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, my colleague at the office keeps telling me I’m so lucky to be going on vacation. Ok woman, Taiwan is NOT a fucking vacation ok? It’s going to take all the energy in the world for me not to blow up at my mother. Remember my trip last year? And the one before that? Granted, I know now what I didn’t know then— that my mother has cognitive issues. So yes, I’m supposed to be extra tolerant and compassionate. I agree that the diseases have not helped with her mental processing. That said, she said and did plenty of damage even when she was of sound mind… but who’s holding a grudge, right?

I always try my best to channel my beloved Bubbey, but ultimately, I am who I am. Sigh. Wish me luck. At least I’ll have our Rover client Sadie Spunkmeyer greeting us the day we get back Stateside!