Category Archives: Work

Time Warp

Some days, I really feel like I’m in some bizarre time warp. Not so much like I’m traveling back or forward in time, but I just feel super disoriented. I mean sure, we got back from a very exhausting overseas trip. Technically, that was already last month. And I did pick up an eye issue which screwed up my vision and in turn, my balance. And of course, last Sunday was daylight savings. Yes, all those things are true, and YET it still seems like I should have more energy for a 40-something at this point in the game.

At home, it was great to be back in our own bed. And in the company of sweet Bentley. We had guests over for lunch last Saturday, so I cleaned the house like a fricking maniac– removing the couch covers, removing the slip rugs, mopping, cleaning the windows, wiping all the surfaces, replanting things in the yard, etc. Everything. It was one of the biggest cleaning jobs I’ve done in a long while. And shit, the Houseboat looked good.

But despite my manic cleaning mode, my sleep is all back to being messed up again. In my multiple trips to the doctor, I also complained to my primary physician that the spironolactone, which I had started before Taiwan, was doing nil to improve my skin. So she had me do some tests and double the dose. Next thing I know, I’m feeling restless at night, getting strange numbness with my appendages, etc. I dunno. It just feels like too much is going on. And YET I realize we have no kids, and we’re both on “flexible” work schedules so… is this a real problem?

Ugh. Overthinking it all again. I reached out to my doc again following a few days on the double dose. She advised me to stick with the program. On a second follow up with the eye doc, she told me to continue with the gel tears and nighttime ointment. Still no contact lenses for me. I’m getting better with the glasses, but damn, they still give me a freaking headache. I know, I’m all banged up and broken, apparently.

The good news is, after another a week on the higher spiro dose, I am finally seeing some improvement in my skin. Next week I’ll get a follow up blood test and hopefully, things will continue to improve from there. This Saturday, my eye doc says I can try wearing my contact lenses, but I have to be super careful about keeping the wear time brief and if there’s any stinging or burning, back to the antibiotics. Ugh. Fingers crossed for judgement day this Saturday.

Meanwhile, work is slow-going. I’ve been making calls again… that’s always hit or miss, and I dunno: when it’s a miss, I sometimes let it fuck with my mindset. In the last year, I’ve had a few unfortunate incidents with people… I replay that shit over and over again in my head. At the end of the day, what can I say: the mismatch and personality clash is real. I try to keep my chin up and adopt these as important learning moments… I have definitely used them as building blocks and have modified the way I react in challenging situations moving forward (yes, there continue to be occasional challenges) but man, that shit is hard for me. In some ways, they remind me of all the issues I had growing up and communicating with my parents… With some personalities, you end up in circles arguing mostly about who’s right and wrong.

Turns out, the “adult” way of dealing with all this is to first and foremost, remain calm. Second, don’t take it personally even if the client becomes accusatory and disrespectful. My sensitivity to it all stems largely from being bullied as a child and teen, plus I really don’t like letting people “get away” with shit behavior. But sometimes, the best approach really is to not waste any more time on people who insist on behaving immaturely. Having been on both sides of that coin in my life, I understand the efficiency of cutting bait and moving on. I’m getting better at identifying situations where it applies. Ok, well obviously, my mind is still somewhat muddled. I’ll aim for more clarity tomorrow.

Back to the Charging Station

Despite my feelings of fatigue in late September, I continued to plug away for work: more open houses, more new approaches. I enjoy the challenge of figuring out ways to build my business. Sure, it’s frustrating and slow-going, but I enjoy having the autonomy and control over my work. I’m still working on cracking the open house code… you’d think after 58 different homes, I’d be a pro by now, but I’m still learning and still working hard to tweak interactions here and there to better connect with the personalities that come through. Of course, my flow got disrupted again with my trip to Taiwan… And to keep me even more on my toes, my dog sitter called the DAY BEFORE our trip to cancel our booking. Family emergency. Yup, pretty dang stressful scrambling around for Bentley care with less than 24 hours. Miraculously, we got it handled and he’s been in good hands. I’m telling you though: that dog care shit is nearly impossible. Sitters cancel or if you find a good one, she’s not available when you need her: At any given time, I have to have a roster of like five different options. SMH.

And then Taiwan. I mean, what can I say. It’s always an exhausting time… even without the drama of the past. This trip? Nine nights. Eight different beds. Thankfully, only one bedfellow. 🙂 Every year, I try to think of ways to make this trip easier, and I dunno: we have yet to crack the puzzle. Of course, it doesn’t help that the flight is a total beotch: 13 hours out, 11 hours back. Once we arrive in Taipei, it’s still not over: immigration takes time, then metro, then high speed train. It’s another three hours AFTER the flight to get to my parents’ house. Then we pretty much live out of a suitcase for the entire time. One night at my parents’ house. The next night at my grandparents’ house. They are all older and slower now but still kicking and doing well. Then, we went on the road trip (5 hours in a very comfy private shuttle to the north part of the island), so two nights at two different hotels. After that, a night at my grandparents’ again. Then my mother had her heart condition situation, which required the night before at my aunt’s house followed by two nights at the hospital accompanying my mom. The medical system in Taiwan, while modern, remains very inefficient. My mother was feeling heart/chest pains, so she went in for a procedure to inject a dye and see what was happening with her heart. In the US, this is a same-day procedure, but in Taiwan, they needed to admit her the night before. Then, she had the procedure on Tuesday morning. Thankfully, the conclusion was not a stent. She should have been discharged later that day, but they wanted to keep her another night. The good news is that she had a private room with a futon and a sofa, so John and I had some space. Overnight, the hospital was also very quiet (unlike the one my grandfather was in when he fell a few years ago in Maryland). But the doctor was pretty laconic and curt. Whatever though. Hopefully, the medicine will help her feel better. After she got discharged on Wednesday, John and I took the train north towards Taipei. Rather than rush from the south of the island to the airport the morning of our flight, we just decided to book a hotel by the airport and spend the last night there. As it turned out, the airport was mobbed with Chinese tour groups and getting to the gate took longer than we had anticipated, so it was a good call to get that hotel for the night before. In the future, I think we will book the same hotel for the first night after we fly in. It’s just too much to make the long trip after an already very long flight..

Back from Hiatus

Geez, I have not posted to the blog in more than two months!?!? This is one of the longest stretches of silence ever! Why? I dunno. In part, I’ve shifted my energies (more) to work. Also, I’ve been using other platforms, e.g. Instagram and Marco Polo. The other truth is, once I go for a long while without blogging, I kind of fall out of sync and like any habit that loses steam, it takes more energy to get back into the groove. I can’t tell you how many times in the last month I’ve been meaning to update, but just knowing my writing/storytelling is rusty after the respite makes me even more hesitant. It’s that perfectionism streak in me I guess. Sometimes I’d rather not do something if it’s not going to be good, you know?

Ultimately though, I do catch myself. And certainly, witnessing my father’s perfectionism always lights a fire under my ass to avoid a similar approach to life. And after reflecting some about my blog, and I’ve decided to redirect some of my energies away from general social media (FB and Insta are such time sinks) and back to writing on Asian American Hustle. I would like this to be a higher priority than just scouring generic feeds and such. I want to keep this outlet going (since 2003!) for as long as I can…

So what’s been occupying my time? Well, August was a great month, namely bc I completed two deals. Yes, I can’t lie: my happiness is directly tied to my work. One set of clients continued to reach out well after the transaction closed (and honestly, I like functioning as a problem solver/resource for my clients), so there was a lot of time-consuming research/negotiation in that arena…. A lot of random things, including ventless dryers, electrical outlets, sprinkler malfunctions, appliance repair, etc. While some agents thought I was going way too far above and beyond my duties, in some sense, I saw this as 1) a way to distinguish myself from other agents who may not be as thorough and as resourceful and 2) an opportunity to continue building rapport bc in a business like this, the ultimate goal is to create what agents call a “raging fan”– someone who is so happy with you and your service that s/he will remain loyal AND recommend you wholeheartedly to others. These clients wrote me my first review on Zillow, and they’ve always expressed gratitude for my work and help.

My other set of clients have been pretty quiet– they’re happy too but pretty busy at work and they have yet to get going full blast on home renovations, much less moving into their new home. It’s not a point of stress though: I worked with the hubby for many years at my govvie job, and we’re friends. They’re excited, and I’m told their review is coming…

I also started testing out some new marketing initiatives. I revisited an old realtor site I’d discovered last year, and they’ve really bulked up their content with a nice selection of marketing materials. I created some door hangers (and got a bite!) and then also created a brochure. Yep, I FINALLY got around to a brochure introducing myself and laying out my “unique value proposition.” We’ll see if it helps me drum up more business.

Meanwhile, I’m still doing open houses and still trying to gain insights from my colleagues at this new office. In September, I was feeling a little frustrated with my open house conversion stats, so I attended an open house training to see what I might be doing wrong. Interestingly, it was helpful talking to the other attendees to get their feedback. You see, a lot of the traditional training says that the goal of open houses is to set appointments. It’s not to gather names and numbers. It’s to set meetings to build rapport and convince buyers to work together. So I asked how many attendees had actually scored appointments. Zero! Why does this matter? Bc I’ve been beating myself up about not setting meetings but no one is. I think it’s still a worthy goal, but it’s not the ONLY goal. And in the end, following up and showing homes is still a method that can yield success. Anyway, it was helpful getting some feedback from other heavy hitters. I feel freshly energized and re-motivated. Gotta wrap the year up strong!

Action!

My coach ended up leaving KW entirely after several offices told his students they were no longer obligated to pay him for services rendered, bc he was not the official office coach. First off, he is an independent contractor, like all agents. They don’t pay him a salary. Second, what kind of management encourages their agents to evade payment for services rendered? He helped multiple agents on their deals, sometimes even writing, negotiating, presenting, AND winning the transaction, and they thought it was ok not to pay him anything just bc the office said he was no longer with the brokerage? Total bullshit and utterly lacking in honesty and integrity.

Needless to say, my coach was distracted one day during our biweekly session and all this drama finally came out. He was concerned that my office would treat him the same way. I mean, my office is def run by people who have their shit together. They are organized and files are reviewed with a fine-toothed comb. I’m telling you, this place is not Mickey Mouse at. all. Still, I wanted to make sure. So I flat out called up the office CEO. I said I didn’t know the details of what was happening at the other offices, but my understanding was that he rendered services and he got cut out of his split. I told her this was very important to me that no matter where he was, I wanted him paid. We are in a professional business, and if our culture is as transparent and as caring as we claim, then our actions must show that we value honesty, fairness, and integrity. I have learned so much from him and it’s not right that he NOT be compensated. So she gave me her word and said if there was any problem, I could call her.

So this month I get into contract on TWO deals. When I’m reviewing the disbursement breakdown, I see my coach listed with his former KW office. The administrator tells me she contacted that office and they said there was no obligation to pay since he was no longer employed there. Oh hell no! I said that I specifically talked to our CEO about this, and I didn’t care who decided there was or was not an “obligation”. I absolutely used his services. I got value from his coaching, and I’m insisting that he get paid. Jesus Christ. People will try to get away with what they can get away with, you know? I got all his W9 info updated and he’s set to get paid next week. But it just goes to show, you have to push back. You have to resist and make shit right.

So yeah, the big news is that yes, I’m on track to close two deals this month! Woohoo. I am beyond over the moon. It’s an interesting story though, bc remember last month how I was telling you I was feeling something coming? Well at the time, I thought that my one family (to whom I’d shown 33 homes since Memorial Day) was going to get into a house. Boy was I wrong. After they saw an amazing, beautiful home right in the neighborhood they wanted and at a price point BELOW their max (and BELOW list price), I reached out to the list agent and spent all this time getting the deets. We arrived at a fair number. I tell them, they seem keen, I send the docs for e-sign to submit an offer the next morning. What happens? The next morning, they are ready to proceed but ask me to knock the offer down $50k. What?!?! I go into a whole spiel: the comps don’t support that number, and this is not appropriate. They refuse to listen and I stupidly submit the lowball offer. The agent basically ignores me all day and then when we talk, he says the offer was extremely disappointing. I try to explain that there may be cultural elements at play bc my buyers are from a negotiating culture. He says, well now they need 1.325 to win. Yep, a day ago, the number was 1.3. Now, the seller is insulted and doesn’t want to sell to you so you have to work harder to win. See how that works? They come up right away to 1.3. The guy says don’t bother. We want the $25k more. So just like that, over a 2% difference, another one slips away. And the pattern I started to realize is that, every time I negotiate a good price, they take off 50k the last minute to make sure they get a deal. Well, good luck with that strategy. Needless to say, I have not worked with that family since.

And incidentally, one home for which I’m currently under contract was a different house they rejected for some other reason. It was a freaking nice and spacious house for a really good price point. After they gave the thumbs down, I was determined to find a buyer for it. So I pinged my database. Yup, texted about 25 people one by one. A Chinese couple (I met the hubby at an open house a year ago and kept him on my drip campaign) replied to my text, I showed it to them that night, we submitted an offer the next day and we got it accepted. Wham, Bam, Done.

One of the biggest things I’m learning is that client fit matters. With the family, there were other factors too. And I just overlooked them, bc I figured beggars can’t be choosers. And I wanted to make it work so badly. I was convinced that surely, they would be ready to buy after having been on the market for over a year (during which prices went up 25-30%) and after having seen more than 30 properties in the last two months. In the end, I had invested all this time working with the wife, but the husband was ultimately the decision maker. He was always the one asking for the last minute price cut.

I do have to give them some credit though: bc I saw so many homes in Santa Clara, I really learned the inventory, pricing, and market… and that allowed me to identify unique opportunities for my other buyers. That right, I’m working all the angles now.

Houseboat 2.0

What can I say, Silicon Valley is a unique place. Yes, my perspective comes mostly from the real estate angle. I mean, where else is a dumpy home built in the 1950s with less than 1,100 sf valued at $2.2 million?!?! Even for someone who lives/works/breathes real estate and who witnesses the regular exchange of this “play money,” I STILL suffer from sticker shock. And shit, if you’re hunkering down in your current scrappy abode trying to make things more comfortable with minor updates here and there? Good fricking luck. ALL the contractors and handypeople are booked solid. We just needed the front arbor/beams replaced, sanded, and painted. Guess how many contractors I had to ask before 1) someone actually bid on the job 2) someone accepted the task. Seven. In the end, only two parties were interested enough to bid and accept. I’m telling you: I’ve been itching to get this done since April. And it won’t be done until mid August. So what does this mean? Contractors are busy as hell (if you’re looking for a job/skill that’s high in demand, consider contractor school!!), and if your project is too small, prepare to wait or prepare to shell out some dough.

The good news is that our beams were replaced last week, and next week we’re getting a new roof. Yup, we’re splurging on a foam roof to replace our old tar and gravel. With global warming and all, we have been burning up in this little houseboat. A few years ago, we got a mini-split A/C system in the bedroom. At the time, we were convinced we swore we ONLY needed it in one room. Boy were we wrong. Every damn day, I’m telling Bubs that I must be undergoing perimenopause. I’m known for running cold ALL THE DAMN TIME. Not anymore. That roof, man (which we signed on the dotted line for back in early April), can not coming fucking fast enough. At this rate, Bubs is practically spending every waking hour in the “cold room” with our Yeti doggie. Fuck, it’s been hot. Thankfully, the evenings cool off considerably.

Other than the home projects, I’m dealing with a doggie diarrhea problem. Yup, twice now in the last month, I have come home to find serious explosions in John’s office. Honestly, I think the new batch of dog food was contaminated or something. I put Bentley on a chicken-rice diet, and still, we’re a week in and the situation remains precarious. I called my girl N for advice. She suggested a med and my vet prescribed it today. I’m hoping for a big change within 24 hours. Man, that stuff is hard to clean, even with the amazing power of OxyClean. It’s a mess, I tell you.

What else. I have been working my ass off. Maybe this is nothing new, but I’ve hit a new level of fatigue. The good news is that I am getting closer… I can feel it. And today, I showed my clients two properties (they’ve seen 28 now) and they like them both. I feel like we’re finally in the sweet spot– in terms of finding properties that are suitable to them AND within striking range. Wish me luck, bc I need to get these people into a home. Seriously, I’ve only been working with them since Memorial Day, but they have been on the hunt for over a year. Yes, please tell me we’re getting close.

I’m also getting better about voicing my advice. I’ve learned so much in the last few months. And at this new office, I am observing a lot of the big dogs… I mean, one lady closed $14m in ONE MONTH. It’s true: you are the company that you keep. Being around top producers pushes you in new ways. Speaking of which, I started making calls again. And guess what, I scored a listing appointment for early August. I met this guy at an open house; he talked with my lender; she guided him to me, and he wants to buy up. That might require him to sell his existing home to purchase the next one. Changes are coming around the corner!

Scared Straight Weekend

Well, I know I’ve been super inconsistent with blogging… It’s a very long story, but a lot has happened over the last several weeks. For one thing, the blog bit me in the ass again. You know me with my radical honesty agenda: my blog is my way of telling it like it is, you know? There’s just so much bullshit out there with social media and curated/manicured/sanitized content, and my blog is like my personal mission to be more honest about things than not. Well, it’s bitten me in the ass before, and it happened again.

Basically, a potential client did some digging on me just as he was signing on to work with me, and well, he had ghosted me twice before and he conveniently read about himself on my blog. I mean, I could have asked him, “How do you know that’s about you?” but it was pretty darn clear. And as J suggested, there’s nothing to say when something like that happens. My name has links to my blog and I mean, such is life. I stand by what I said. Obviously, the story is from my perspective. Maybe he had a great reason for ghosting me both times. Maybe not. Either way, the relationship was unsalvageable, so I just cut bait and moved on.

J and a few close friends of mine all had various discussions about it right after the incident. It REALLY bugged me bc in some weird way, this blog has been some sliver of a pipe dream for me… it’s something I have committed to doing since 2003 and there has always been some small piece of me that wished I were a professional blogger or writer. Who knows if that dream will ever come to fruition in the manner that I consider legit… for now though, the conclusion is that I’m now in a customer-facing role… more so than ever before. It’s probable to assume that clients commit to working with me under an unspoken assumption that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. And so while I may be free to talk a little bit about how their behavior and actions make me feel, perhaps I cannot be as radically honest with judging how their actions reflect on their character.

The challenge for me in this is that accountability for your actions ties back to my brother… I have personally witnessed how a lifetime of lack of accountability has caused so many problems… but that’s family and this is business. And actually, maybe there’s some irony in it all bc the client discovering my blog and declining to work with me is also a consequence of my own actions, right? The bottom line? People have reasons for behaving the way they do. And even if my blog doesn’t use names, maybe people don’t really want to know how their actions are interpreted by others, namely me. Needless to say, I lost a potential client who had a hefty budget. Sigh. Live and learn.

A few weeks after that incident, I had a relatively uneventful bday. But a few weeks after, we embarked on our Tiny House adventure in Leavenworth, WA. You know, this real estate business is funny. I spend months and months nixing vacations and holidays to put my nose to the grindstone. Of course, the ONE weekend I decide to plan a trip, I meet someone who wants to submit an offer on a property I host open. The timeline went something like this:

Sunday: I held the open house and followed up with this visitor that evening.
Monday: I followed up again bc the offer deadline was Tuesday. No reply.
Wednesday: The first offer deadline passed, and then the buyer decided he was interested in submitting.
Thursday: I worked on the file, reviewed the disclosures, plus discussed his proof of funds, drafted a letter to seller, talked loan options, contingency removal, pricing strategy… We were trying to get the offer in before that weekend of open house when the property would be exposed to another group of buyers, possibly increasing competition.
Friday: I fly to Seattle and all the while, I’m making calls, prepping the offer package, and struggling with spotty cell signal, no wifi reception, and problems with his esign.
Friday afternoon: Offer is submitted and accepted. List agent is super impressed and comments about how hard I worked to make this happen. Everyone is thrilled.
Saturday morning: Buyer changes his mind. I spend the rest of the day trying to figure out if there is a resolution to his issue.
Saturday afternoon: Transaction falls through. No fault of the property.

It might not sound so bad bc the timeline was uber condensed, but basically, I got no sleep and things were super urgent, super important, and super high stress. My three-day vacation got truncated to a 1.5 of enjoyment. Sigh. I was so very disappointed and bummed.

Nonetheless, the tiny home adventure was awesome. I loved the cluster of homes at the campground by the lake, with each house occupied by our friends. We cooked and picnicked around the campfire. It was lovely. J and I were the only child-free couple, and we dubbed this our “scared straight weekend.” Not only was our child-free choice reaffirmed but damnit, I kept bumping my head in my tiny home! You see, prior to this vacation, I was CERTAIN that I could live the tiny house lifestyle. OMG, I was so very wrong. No-siree. Cross that shit off the list. No f-ing way. Our Hanna house, as adorable as it was, that damn thing was like 170 sf. It was way too small. So we got scared straight a second way: no tiny house in our future. For glamping with the pals though? This arrangement was the bomb. And the kiddos had a blast too. I just wish I had taken more pictures. After we got home, the Houseboat felt especially spacious and luxurious. Muhahaha, everyone is happy now!

Keep Striving

This post spoke to me today, as I woke up feeling rather defeated and frustrated…

My life completely changed in 2010 when I met @em_henderson. I had been living in New York doing random production design gigs when a series of family tragedies kept bringing me back to California. I had to pack up my things and head home. My parents were still living in Yosemite then and I was staying with them, occasionally coming to LA to do random art department jobs. When I applied to work on Emily’s show I had no idea I was applying to be in an on-camera role. But somehow, magically, the audition tape I made, in which I did a cheesy routine where I put on 20 different hats to show I could “wear many hats” made it through casting. My twenties were a mess of a) not knowing what exactly I wanted to do and b) graduating into the worst economy in modern history. I’d been designing spaces my whole life, so it wasn’t a surprise that this might be something I’d do professionally. I think the most humbling thing I’ve learned in my professional life is that hard work and success are not as directly correlated as were led to believe. We are told, “work hard, you will succeed.” But no one ever says, “hey sometimes success is due to random ‘breaks,’ opportunities you never would have seen coming.” I say this because I think it’s important for people who are struggling to gain footing in their careers to not fully blame themselves if they’re not reaching their goals as quickly as they’d like. Yes, your work and intelligence matter. But also you aren’t fully in control of the opportunities that come your way, you can only do your best and try not to be too hard on yourself if success evades you. I have no idea where I’d be if I hadn’t gotten the role on Emily’s show, but I have the feeling I’d be nowhere near where I am now. I owe my career to a casting director in Canada who liked my face and personality. And I have mixed feelings about that. My four Ivy League degrees weren’t enough? The fact that I’d been working since I was 14? My point here is that if you have success, recognize the luck and privilege that brought you here. And if you’re struggling, keep striving but don’t beat yourself up too much if “getting there” takes more time than you expected.

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The Reality of this Market

Well it’s been another rollercoaster ride over here on the #RealtorLife. Last week I partnered with an out-of-town agent who had clients looking to buy in my area. From Friday through the following Wednesday, I went on one heck of a rollercoaster ride.

I know it was only a brief period of 4-5 days, but boy, did I bust my ass working on this. For example, on Monday, I was on the phone all day. I had 40 phone conversations, part of my due diligence tracking down answers and doing extensive research on behalf of the clients. In the end, we lost out. The lesson learned? This market is still a seller’s market, so despite recent shifts, it still moves FAST. Homes continue to go into contract without contingencies in less than a week.

As a former engineer, I understand that homebuyers want to be thorough and careful. I identify strongly with wanting to comb through every page if disclosures. After all, this is a monster purchase. But at the same time, ours is a unique market. The seller expectation on hot properties is to have the offer come clean, come strong, and come fast, i.e. hit the number, remove all contingencies, and get the offer in pronto. I think the realization here is that if buyers cannot accept the unknown or feel comfortable enough with taking a leap of faith and/or taking that risk, they need to focus on languishing properties with longer days on market. Alternatively, they might even need to consider bowing out of the market entirely for now. I’m not trying to be rude or harsh. I’m just saying candidly: we know what it takes to win.

The other lesson? Homebuying is a lot like dating. All the stuff along the way matters. Presentation and impression are super important. The sellers and list agents are watching you the entire time, observing every interaction with them and with the vendors: what questions, what deliberations, what requests, what demands, how are you communicating with them? All of these behaviors are indicators and clues for the transaction. Will it be rocky or will it be seamless?

You are SO Rude

Last week, our office hosted a training given by an estate planner/attorney. He was this old white guy who, based on his stories and professional recommendations, you could tell had seen a lot. First, he said that property should never have kids on title, esp property that you live in and will rely on in the future for your own needs. He said, just leave it to the kids AFTER you die, bc if you’re still alive, things can get messy. He also said in general not to leave any responsibilities to any adults under age 35. In his experience, humans just don’t have the emotional maturity or capacity to handle heavy shit and to make important decisions… although, he did say you have to know the personality of the child. Some kids are born 35 y/o. I thought it was an interesting comment though. He also gave multiple examples where he talked about the flexibility of trusts: you can disseminate funds on an installment basis to the kid who can’t control his spending and then you can give larger amounts in full to the responsible kid. I’m not saying this scenario is us, but it’s interesting to see that from a lawyer’s perspective, the complexity and drama that is my family is not unique… In fact, he practically made it seem like this bullshit is the norm and not the exception. He had all kinds of other examples too: say so and so is a druggie, or so and so is a drunk, or s/he does stupid things bc she’s not mature… Man, what a mess. I just sat there in class thinking, I wonder what’s the true extent of dysfunction this dude has witnessed!!! He must have a daily crisis about the future of humanity!

Yeah, it was funny bc I walked out of there thinking to myself, I hope to God I don’t see half the dirt he has seen bc it would really turn me into a big time misanthrope. And then I had an open house in Menlo Park. I actually have a wonderful relationship with the list agent and she reached out to me to host again after they reduced the price. Bc of the listing’s proximity to Stanford, I had really good luck finding strong leads before, you know, like THREE doctor couples and such. Of course, this was also the same property where I met the lady with five properties to sell (her name was on NONE of the deeds) and the old white dude who was supposedly trying out for the Golden State Warriors. Yes, the visitors definitely ran the gamut. So this time, traffic was ok.

This one Asian lady came in and from the get go, she was super standoffish. I gave her a flyer, summarized the house, and she basically told me she just wanted to have a look first. It’s like, yeah. I’m just briefing you for 20 secs then by all means, look on your own. Anyway, other people came in and I chatted with them. Then this lady goes upstairs and comes back to the kitchen area. My lender asks her if she’s working with an agent and she gives this weird laugh and repeats a few times, “That’s the top secret,” Huh? What the hell does that mean? So then I ask her, “So what do you think? …Is this something that falls within your price range?” She smiles and says, “Well, I wouldn’t be here if it didn’t.” Then a few seconds later, she turns and tells me, “You’re so rude. You’re so rude.” I’m totally perplexed. Huh? So then I thought maybe she found it rude that I was asking about money. So I respond saying I didn’t ask you for a specific number; I just asked if this is within a range. Then she gets more annoyed and goes off about how rude I am. She says she has “never met anyone so rude in her life.” WHAT???? I look at my lender like, wtf is happening and my lender is confused too. I was seriously NOT registering how she was reacting. Then she asks for my card like she is going to report me to my broker or something. I eagerly give it to her bc I have no idea what her deal is.

Well the incident really pissed me off and after I got home, I poloed my friends to weigh in. Interestingly, my friend M suggested that maybe my comment implied that she couldn’t afford the house… So here’s the thing. At open houses, you get EVERYONE. People who are serious buyers, people who are just passing by, curious neighbors, hobbyist open house surfers… Typically, when I ask that question, people reply that they are preapproved for XYZ. Or that they want something nicer. Or it’s beyond their budget but they were curious. It’s NBD. And honestly, most of the people don’t know the list price until they get inside and get the flyer so people come in not even knowing whether or not it meets their criteria for price. I dunno. It was just crazy to me. Seriously? That question made me the rudest person she’d ever met in the world??? Where the fuck is she living, under a rock? And why be so offended and insulted? Why do you give a shit whether an agent thinks you can or cannot afford something? I didn’t even have that intention… Frankly, I have seen enough incognito rich people and super flashy poor people to know that how someone looks is never a definitive indicator. Ugh. Anyway, she just really ruined my day. I’m telling you: I see all kinds in this business. People suck.

It’s Not About You

From a super young age, I’ve always been judgey. It’s gotten a shit ton better in my older years, but it’s still there. I think it cultivated early on, bc my parents are hypercritical people. They used to always have comments about shit– you know, boatloads and boatloads of (unsolicited) feedback. I think part of it is being Chinese: To succeed in their school system, you have to be competitive and to be competitive, you have to constantly know where you stand among the others. On top of that, my father is also a very straight arrow and he has a very strong compass calibrated to his own sense of right and wrong. People and their life choices (and the consequences) are then judged against that compass. It’s probably not anything that is unique to my father… everyone does this to some extent but he is just more pronounced about it.

So from childhood, I was very attuned to observing others and comparing/contrasting behaviors, qualities, achievements, etc. And more specifically, I was hyperaware of any inconsistencies or hypocrisies. It’s kinda strange bc now as a weathered adult, I feel like hypocrisy is just part of being human.

I may have mentioned this already but over Christmas, when I was home in Maryland, I met up with T, a friend from the second grade through post college. She’s the one with her parents in failing health and she’s the one left having to figure it out (lame brothers unite!)– like where they can get care and how to fucking pay for everything. It’s a nightmare lesson in poor parental planning, to be honest. Anyway, among all her family drama and burdens, she talked a lot about alignment– having her actions align with her beliefs. And a few years ago, I was all up in that shit. In fact, that’s largely what drove me to leave nearly all of my jobs. I just couldn’t stand the misalignment I felt with management and/or the mission. I had this notion that being true to yourself was of utmost importance.

But now I feel differently about things. I mean, sure, I still have a proclivity for the black and white. I want things simple, cut and dry, spelled out down to the t. BUT I dunno. With all the recent news and just grime that I’ve gathered from life, I really wonder now whether alignment (like fairness) is a realistic expectation. Take, for example, the animals. I know about the horrors of the meat/dairy/food industry at large. Yet, I continue to eat meat, drink milk, consume cheese, buy leather… I know about animal testing. And I still buy Covergirl cosmetics bc that’s the only shit that covers my blemishes without giving me breakouts. My younger self would NEVER have forgiven myself for these selfish and insular choices. But my older self? I dunno. I’m beaten down and tired of fighting. I feel like the best I can do is eat less meat or try to eat “organic” meat (even if I know the labeling system is bogus). Is it bc I am in survival mode? Or has life turned me into a nihilist? Maybe a bit of both?

Beyond my self-judgement, my judgeyness of others has also evolved. I used to notice and be annoyed by all the contradictions in people I knew. Like with my dad: how could he be a non-religious, pro-choice OB/GYN who repeatedly voted Republican? Or, even now, how can educated, “smart” people still support Trump? I suppose what I’m coming to learn now is that life just doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why did we ever have the expectation for it to make sense to begin with?

I mean, did you hear about MLK? Such an impassioned orator and advocate– the leader of a fucking important movement. Well, turns out he was a total sex fiend, philanderer, womanizer. His poor wife. That’s what I mean: People we admire, trust, love, and follow. They make choices that are so non sequitor. What about Elon Musk. Innovative, articulate, intelligent. Why is he always dating women just past pubescence? Ok fine, older than that but STILL in their freaking 20s. I mean, am I supposed to believe that the kindred spirit thing transcends so many decades of age for SO many powerful and successful men? Puhleeze. Look, no matter how precocious, I highly doubt that humans are mentally/emotionally mature and developed in their 20s. Just saying. So where am I going with all this?

I notice the discrepancies. But in general, they no longer faze me. If you were to tell me my mailman were a pedophile, I would not even be surprised. So if reality is just laden with treachery and deceit, maybe I just want a break from the incessant surveillance. I mean, I am exhausted by the constant watching. And ultimately, what’s the frickin’ point?

On a more personal note, the inconsistencies used to bug the hell out of me. For example, I had a friend tell me multiple times that I was like a sister to her. Every time my bday would roll around, she’d forget to acknowledge it. Not a huge deal considering my own parents oftentimes forgot. But she would call weeks later and say, “Oh, I don’t celebrate bdays or holidays so I never keep track.” Ok, that’s fine. Then, her sister had a kid. And all of the sudden, every milestone was remembered, and she even hosted a crazy bday bash for the kid when she turned 5. The lesson? Family is always different than friends. No matter what people claim.

Another example? John and I adopted Bentley in January. I have some good friends who have yet to meet him. I get that he’s not a human. He’s not a newborn baby. But if I, as a child-free person, acknowledge the importance of your child… shouldn’t you demonstrate a similar level of respect for my milestone? I’m not all up in a rage about it. I know that life happens. People get busy. I’m not infallible. But these are things I notice. And they bug me. My younger self would be far less forgiving. My older self feels it, is annoyed by it, but what more can I do? People choose their priorities. Life goes on and disappointment abounds.

Hmm, turns out I might actually be onto something with this “sweeping it under the rug” approach. Apparently, when people are chronically late, you shouldn’t take it personally, bc it’s not about you.

Yup, all happy thoughts today. It’s been one of those days. I spent the afternoon checking in on people (potential leads) and not hearing one darn word back. Jesus Christ. Why don’t people have the decency to reply? It can be as simple as, “Thanks but no thanks.” or “Not interested now, but please check back in two months.” Ugh. Time for a break– taking the pups for a walk.