Category Archives: Work

Slacker

Speaking of my job hunt, the university brought me in for an onsite interview on Thursday. The format was a one-hour panel interview with four peeps on the communications team followed by a one-on-one meeting with the SVP of Marketing and Communications. For some reason, I was really stressed about the whole ordeal.

And of course the night before, rather than being able to prepare in my usual OCD manner, I was at the vet with Marty who was confirmed to have a bladder infection and kidney infection. The visit was awful. He cried and yelped from the jabbing and poking. More on that later.

In the end, I felt the panel discussion went pretty well. The one-on-one afterwards? Less so. Maybe I’d lost steam. I didn’t feel like I sold myself enough with examples of my big accomplishments. During part of the conversation, I talked about work-life balance (my insiders said that the university culture isn’t cut throat like Stanford and Berkeley… so don’t come across like a workaholic), and he started asking me specifics about what work-life balance means to me. I said having time OUTSIDE work to cultivate relationships, do activities, events, recreation… stay healthy. He said the position is demanding because the new administration has really ambitious goals. Sure…

To be honest, it was really odd, because I felt like he was suggesting I was a slacker!! Was this because I said I had left the fuel cell startup due to the chaotic environment and grueling schedule, getting emails and calls from the CEO at all hours of the night? I probably should have just said, it wasn’t the right fit. Still. I have NEVER had anyone suggest laziness on my part EVER. And then he asked about my time commitment… I dunno, the line of questioning was just strange. I said that I understood the job to be full time, so obviously, I plan on working the hours and relegating my extracurricular activities to evenings, weekends, and days off. Then he asked something like, do you have certain constraints with your hours. It was almost as if he was poking around trying to get answers to questions he’s not legally allowed to ask?? But I wasn’t really sure. Was he wanting to ask about kids? elder care responsibilties? What??? I was confused, but hell, I wasn’t going to offer anything additional that I didn’t have to. I just said, “No, not that I’m aware of…”

Needless to say, that was a really confusing experience, and I’m not sure how much weight he’ll carry on the recruitment. The team is meeting a few other candidates next week, and then hopefully I’ll know.

After I got home, I was so offended that he seemed to question my work ethic. At the same time though, if I value work-life balance, what’s it to you? Want to downgrade me because I refuse to be EXPLOITED? Because I give a shit about my mental and physical health? Because I care about my work environment and maintaining activities that nourish my soul? Hmm, maybe we need to rethink the fit here. My work speaks for itself. Hmph!

Meetings, Meetings, Meetings

So remember how I’d rationalized my latest big push in my job search as a good way to practice getting back into the swing of things? Namely, I’d deliberately thrown myself into attending more meetings, and I justified it by saying, “Well surely, my next job will involve a ton of meetings so I might as well start getting back into that (miserable, stab-my-eyes-out) routine.” My fucking god. Is there even such a thing as a good meeting? Are meetings to me like great jobs are to my last info interviewee? Maybe we’re talking unicorns here?

Last month, for ProMatch, I attended a meeting facilitation workshop. It was actually a very informative class that talked about the differences between giving a speech and facilitating a meeting. With a speech, a subject matter expert, or SME, typically shares information to an audience. With facilitation, the person leads discussion but the “nuggets” of info actually come from the audience. So the facilitator bounces around the room, asking people to get their thinking caps on and actively engage providing feedback. OMFG, did I just say “thinking caps”?? Jesus, did I go to elementary school in the 80’s or what?? Way to date myself.

So anyway, the facilitation class was good, and afterwards, I was actually curious to try putting the new skills into action. Enter Monday. Yup, I was the facilitator for my co-leaders’ team meeting, involving eight people. I created the agenda and had one hour. Holy crap, facilitation was like herding cats, for real. Some people just don’t care about the schedule and how much time is allotted to each topic. They just like to talk– even if what they are saying is off topic or without substance. I would try to reel them back in, to get back on the agenda but they would just keep going. Fucking defiant. Afterwards, I was so frustrated with the whole experience. Part of the issue? I probably packed too much into the agenda in the first place. Maybe I was overly ambitious. I think some of the veteran co-leaders should have caught that in the beginning and given me advice. Yeah, so I was irked afterwards, but oddly enough, a part of me also wanted to sign up to facilitate again, because shit, I need to get it right!! Yup, see how I really am a glutton for punishment?

On Tuesday, I met up with my friend B in East Bay. She has been out of the formal workforce for about six years, because she takes care of two little boys. Every time I see her, I get a real glimpse into the parenting lifestyle. Holy crap is it 24/7. Her boys are super sweet, but seriously, between keeping an eye on the toddler and then answering endless questions from her 5-year old, there are zero breaks. Zero. And her patience!! No matter how many questions, she holds a real conversation with the son. I mean, as someone who has been doing all these info interviews and meetings and shit?? Active listening and real conversational engagement takes a shit ton of energy! And now the older son is getting defiant too, so she asks nicely and patiently and then he just ignores her or goes completely against what she says. Yup, I would be flipping my top big time!! Thank goodness I’m not a parent.

So she had her first interview in many years scheduled for this week. I went over and shared my ProMatch and NOVA info and talked about possible answers to typical questions. It’s always cool to hang with her, but I am noticeably fatigued afterwards…

On Wednesday, I met up with my esthetician. I don’t see her much anymore, because for some strange reason, my skin has finally decided to cut me a break. Yeah, it only took like 40 years, right? Haha. Actually, I suspect it’s cleared up, because I stopped drinking milk. Remember the good ol’ cereal diet?? Well, I haven’t been on that kick in ages, so I just don’t consume milk anymore. Whaddya know? No more monster boils and cysts on my face. Now I’m all paranoid to even consume almond milk or soy milk… I’m vain like that. I will give up nearly everything and anything food- and drink-wise for good skin. So I caught up with G. She’s a cool chick, but she has a very love hate relationship with people. I know, don’t we all! It seems that people irk her nerves A LOT. I mean, I get it, because I am uber irritable too. And frankly, people are goddamn dumb fucks. That said, sometimes I think our personal sensitivities, no matter how justified, simply do not serve us. It’s kind of like when J or T get super angry about other drivers on the road… Half the time, those people are just oblivious (I’m one of those drivers who pisses people off but didn’t mean to…), so why turn the whole thing into “They did it ON PURPOSE just to anger me”?

Hell yes, people are ANNOYING. And I definitely have my fights. Hello, Lowes!! But sometimes, you just can’t be mad at everyone. Pick and choose your battles; otherwise, you are really only draining and exhausting yourself.

I’ll give you another example. On Tuesday night, T and I walked over to Snozen for dessert. It’s a little Chinese dessert shop near the train station. We were walking up the bike ramp, and a disheveled (homeless) guy on a bike was in the street intersection, riding towards the ramp. There was enough time that we would be out of the ramp by the time his bike finished crossing the intersection, but he apparently didn’t think so. From his spot in the intersection, he started cussing at us, saying to get out of the fucking way and how we were so stupid to not see how heavy his load was on the bike… I mean clearly, he had issues. And there was enough time that we weren’t obstructing him! But I just said sorry and kinda chuckled to myself that this dude was crazy and getting worked up over nothing. Well then, T started cussing back at him, and they had this short exchange as he biked the other direction down the ramp! And then she was totally pissed and angry afterwards. Admittedly, part of it for me is that I don’t engage with crazies for fear of escalation. You just never know. The other part is, who cares!! The interaction is 10 secs. He’s just not worth my energy. I have so many other places to dump my negativity (my brother, ahem!). Anyway, it was an interesting experience, and had I been with John, he probably would have talked back also, especially given his driving incident exchange with the Chinese mom at my ranch.

On Wednesday afternoon, I went to an environmental NGO in Santa Clara. Some people at ProMatch volunteer there, and I’m considering joining them so I can build my Salesforce Nonprofit Starter Kit skills. So the gig is like 10 hrs/week commitment, and I figured I’d meet a few people and then be done. Well, I was there for about 2.5 hours, and I met 3 people including the ED and the Board Chair. And with each one, I went through the whole spiel: my background, my qualifications, why them, why me, etc. All for an UNPAID volunteer gig. I suppose the good news is that they liked me enough to invite me to join as a business dev manager (minimum 20 hrs/week) managing a team of 5 account managers. Or maybe they invite everyone, since it’s free labor. I dunno. Either way, kinda flattering. But I’m thinking I want to keep my volunteer hours low, so my plan is still to start with the Salesforce implementation and then see if I want to expand later. After all, I’m still hustling for paid jobs.

Nerd at Heart

This afternoon I met a fellow ProMatcher for an info interview. I know, it’s the weekend and some people might suggest that I take a frickin’ break. What can I say, I’m intense. The thing is, I’m considering volunteering for a sustainability nonprofit, where I can learn about Salesforce for Nonprofits implementation… This ProMatcher has been volunteering for the org the last several months, so I wanted to pick her brain about that experience. She herself is quite Type A and apparently, today was the only time she had free in like a week. Anyhow, the conversation was super helpful. She is a former project manager, so I felt like she gave very organized and thoughtful feedback, even down to specifying the pros and cons for me. It was nice to receive information in such digestible chunks, actually. I read something recently saying that listening is super exhausting. And that’s so true. Having all these interviews and info interviews where I really have to concentrate, listen, and then respond accordingly with smart, relevant questions… no wonder I feel so damn tired!!

So back to this vol opp I’m considering: moving forward, I think if I can clearly define how many hours and what duration I’m willing to commit, this could be a very strategic opportunity where I learn the skills I’ve been wanting to learn and I can make connections with other key entities. You see, this org is a consortium of corporate, government, NGO partners, so I think there will be lots of potential contacts into philanthropy and corporate social responsibility. That’s the hope anyway. I plan to decide in the next day or two.

In other news, oddly but thankfully, Martin is finally calming the fuck down. The last two days, we’ve had zero incidents with anxiety, so maybe his issue was just a passing thing? No idea. But the vet finally got back to me, and if the weird behavior comes back, we have a few options. Meanwhile, I’m convinced my strategy of spraying a sock with lavender essential oil and wrapping it under his collar was the solution. Haha!

As for the flea dilemma, I am still keeping up with the daily vacuuming and brushing. I’m also trying the additional precaution of sprinkling salt all over the floors to dehydrate any remaining survivors. I’m hoping for complete and lasting eradication very soon. Goddamn, those pests have been a major pain!

John and I went for a bike ride this afternoon. We just rode around Mountain View near the Google campus. Turns out there’s some “Beyond Wonderland” electronica festival going on at Shoreline Amphitheater this weekend. I’d heard about it the night before on the news, and at the time, I thought: wow, that could be really fun. Well thank goodness, that was the end of my musings because shit, in Mountain View we got a nice slice of the attendee demographic. Let’s just say, it’s a lot like Halloween. Yes, ladies (many of them girls) wearing super risque, raunchy outfits with bunny ears. I suppose the rabbit ears are part of the Alice in Wonderland theme? I don’t really know, but that small glimpse was a good reminder. Indeed, I am way too prudish for that kind of bullshit. Plus, the music went on from like noon through 11p! Surely, I would have overdosed on electronica just a few hours in. Sigh. Like I said, I’m just not made for this world. Shrug. I’m a nerd at heart.

Sleepy

I’ve been feeling super tired lately. The last time I was this damn tired, I had a gas leak in the house. Haha, yeah, I suppose I should get PGE out here again just to double check for that, huh.

The more likely story though, is that I have been doing a lot. Stepping up at ProMatch has demanded a few extra hours per week. A friend of mine, who is a leadership trainer and coach, just launched a virtual “mastermind” class so I’m now reading John Maxwell’s book, Becoming a Person of Influence (and I’m a super slow reader) plus participating on weekly group calls. You know me, anytime I hear about some opportunity to learn about leadership and shit, I get sucked in. Never mind that I hate interactive, small group learning formats. The first class was Wednesday night, and there was the whole “go around and introduce yourself and tell why you are participating” exercise. I want to support my friend, but I have done similar setups before, and I dunno, it’s just not my thing. Can’t quite put a finger on it. I know I’m super candid and open about sharing personal junk in my blog, but there’s just something about the two-way exchange, talking about personal growth with strangers. Whatever. It’s only four sessions, so not a huge deal. But yeah, I’m up late tonight staying on top of the readings and such. I know, it’s the nerd inside me: I take my assignments seriously.

Oh, I forgot to mention that at ProMatch, I also joined a “Success Team,” which is essentially a group of six people who meet every week to check in on their job searches. Frankly, I’m pretty motivated and driven solo: I don’t really feel a need to have accountability partners, but the experts say there are a host of benefits to these groups. I’m hoping I’ll gain additional feedback or insights on my job process techniques. Maybe they’ll be able to help me optimize, or they’ll introduce me to contacts. I dunno. In the very least, the people are self-selected, meaning people mutually choose who they want on their team. So I jive with my peeps pretty well, and all of them seem really motivated. We’ll see how this goes for me.

This morning, I was so pissy. I swear to god, every year Bridge School irks my nerves. I logged in right at ten to get tickets, and John was telling me get the good seats. Well, the clock must have been like 10:00:05, and the supposed best seats were already all the way in the corner, just a few rows before lawn?!?!? Surely, there was some mistake, so I tried again, this time specifically selecting the highest priced tier. I should have known better and just opened a new tab, but I didn’t. And then I never got into the system again. Fucking A!! I’m such an idiot. I think something very similar happened two years ago too. I was so incredulous that five seconds after tickets went on sale, the best seats were so far near the back, that I was convinced something was wrong with the website. Then I lost my place in the queue and got screwed. Argh.

Today, I thought I would try to win tickets from the radio station, but then I didn’t ever turn on the radio. Whatevs. I only feel badly because we were supposed to go with John’s sis and her beau. My bad. She ended up getting lawn tickets maybe through StubHub or something. Event tickets are so ridic expensive. I’m really annoyed by it. I mean, are people really dropping like $500 pp at these auction sites?? Too cray for me. I’d rather go on a trip. I know, I’m so damn judgey! Ha.

After that whole fiasco, I had a phone interview 30 min later for an assistant director of social media gig at an area university. I had applied last week by emailing the hiring manager directly and attaching all my docs. That’s my new MO now. I try to bypass the job system black hole by just skipping straight to the decision maker. Of course, after I didn’t hear back from her in a few days, I did go ahead and also submit through the automated system. I dunno. I kinda likened it to government jobs. They’re very “by the book.” That said, I’m convinced reaching out to her directly still helped draw some additional attention to my materials.

Anyway, the call went well. She’s a little concerned about the salary– again significantly lower than my past gigs, but I’m actually kinda stoked about working in higher education and academia. Though the salary sucks, the other benefits (including tuition for classes) seem pretty cool. Plus, the lady just sounded like a really cool boss. And the role is on a small and nimble communications team… I would get a lot of opportunity to do a lot of different things and to implement creative ideas. So we’ll see what happens. Fingers crossed for an onsite interview.

What else. I had another info interview this afternoon. I’m up to like 45 info interviews now. The lady was very kind to meet with me, but she was pretty adamant about her job “just being a job”– and not her life. She said something about how some people have all these unrealistic notions about waking up everyday excited and motivated to go to work… I interrupted her right then and there and said, “I’m one of those people.” The thing is, my last job WAS that way for a long time. I really loved my job. And no joke, every Sunday night, I was excited about the weekend being over, because I could go back to work… Obviously, things changed and that’s why partly why I left but yeah, I want to wake up eager to get to work and happy to move the needle in some small way. I also want to be inspired by my colleagues and by the leadership. That’s what I want, and I’m not going to settle or apologize for aiming high. Anyway, it was an interesting conversation… and a good reminder that we’re all different with what we want to get out of life.

Progress + Party

So John and I tested out the new grill by cooking up some steak and burgers. Very nice. John and I were impressed not only by the power of that appliance (the thing sure heats up fast), but there are also some nice touches under the hood. I like to see my Bubbey happy and excited about his new toys.

And on the plus side for all of us, my case with Lowe’s is now closed. The last few days, there were still a couple of rounds of back and forth with the Rave and Rants site, because I had requested that Lowe’s consider comping us a grill cover. Not surprisingly, I received no response to my inquiry (originally made offline). I then posted to the site and was told I’d receive a call within 24 hours. A day later, no response, so I posted again. Yesterday, I got the cover. Sheesh!

So yes, in the end, Lowe’s got ‘er done, but wow, that required a ton of calls and a lot of leg work. Little do they know, John’s nickname for me is Brenda the bulldog. When all was said and done, I did get $130 off the grill plus the free cover. As part of the original offer, there was free shipping, free assembly, and free haul away. Not bad, but even so, I’m pretty sure I will never buy from Lowe’s again. Yes, even the deal maven has her limits. Seriously. A part of me actually feels really sad for the company. When I worked for the fuel cell company, Lowe’s was one of our target customers. The executives were the nicest people, and with the company headquartered in North Carolina (where I went to undergrad), I kinda liked their story and vibe. Not anymore. I suppose now they are just like so many of those impersonal big box stores: scaled too quickly and just lost operational efficiency and competence. I mean, the Rant and Rave site really highlights major systemic problems. Oh well. I’ve washed my hands of that mess. Incidentally, people seem to LOVE Home Depot, so I guess I’ll have to try them for next time.

In other news, I had two info interviews this week plus an onsite interview with a tech nonprofit in SF. The meeting with the marketing director went well, and afterwards, I was passed along to another person on the 5-member team. I’m hopeful, but trying to manage expectations. After all, I’ve had lots of “good” interviews with no offer at the end of the rainbow.

ProMatch is keeping me super busy. I stepped up to a team co-leader role two weeks ago, and then I also agreed to deliver a workshop training on designing business cards. We had a dry run yesterday that well, took forever. It’s always challenging working with people of differing styles and personalities. Good practice for me, I suppose.

I also registered for a class on leadership and influence run by a coaching friend of mine. It’s a Skype-style class where you read a book and then hop online to discuss once a week for four weeks. I’m curious to see how that pans out. So yeah, I am still meeting new people, applying for jobs, participating in ProMatch, and building new skills. At this point, I really am thinking about alternate routes though. Yeah, my mind is really restless these days.

Oh well, this weekend we are having a small party to unveil the new grill. People are coming over in a few. We haven’t hosted a party in ages… partly because of my jobless shame issues, but I’m over it now. My new themes are focused on self acceptance and living the unconventional life. Haha. More thoughts on that later.

Btw, earlier this week, I had been lamenting my frustration with the job hunt to R, my former boss. He’s also job hunting and having similarly disappointing experiences– feeling like the interviews went well but then, no offer. Anyway, I expressed some irritation with people seeking employees that fit tightly and neatly into their exact little job description box. Sometimes, I wonder if they even want to hire people who think for themselves. Admittedly, I was feeling rather bitter. R replied “Don’t feel bitter – there’s no reason to since nature gave you everything anyone could ever want and things will work out before too long.” So true. This is yet another example of just how R gets things. His advice is so wise. Everyday, I am a work in progress. I know that my impatience and anxiety does not serve me. I need to calm down and then think clearly and strategically.

It’s kinda funny though. I told him how my most recent pie-in-the-sky dream is to be a writer/pro-blogger. He suggested that I go ahead and start a blog to see what happens. Haha, little does he know. I have been blogging since 2003. I might just have to let him in on my Giddy Go, Cowgirl secret. Sometimes, I wonder how people who know me will feel about being mentioned on my blog…. Muhahaha. Kinda makes things interesting.

Project Management

In addition to my very aggressive job hunt, I have been managing a number of other projects that quite frankly, are irking my nerves. First, I got my parents signed up with a tenant placement service. Things started off well the first few days, and then, there was an edit to the listing that took a few days to get done. Also, the property was supposed to be listed on a bunch of sites. When I checked, it didn’t come up on search… I think those things have been resolved now, but still. Takes poking and prodding, which is annoying this early in the game. Anyhow, the place is posted. Know anyone seeking a furnished 1 bedroom condo in Washington? Check out the listing. Btw, the price rocks considering that the location is superb.

Second, I’ve been feuding for the last week with Lowe’s. It’s a very long story, but pretty much we’re dealing with a broken ordering/shipping/customer service system. I was so discouraged by the incompetence, that I turned to twitter to seek resolution. I just wanted to have someone answer the damn phone, but instead, they directed me to a Rant and Rave website. Are you f-ing serious? Fine. So I posted my story. The grill was ordered at the end of August to capstone our anniversary. I think there were at least five failed attempts to deliver the item, meaning the store and/or shipping company said it would arrive, I stayed home, and then no one showed up. No call, no nothing. Fuckers. The good news is that the grill finally arrived today. We’ll see whether it turns our food into magic!

IhateLowes

I HATE Lowe’s.

Third, I’ve also been dealing with poor communication and insufficient information with my property management company back East. Up until now, I was actually really happy with their service, but in the last month, our house started having water leaks in the chimney and roof. The agent got ONE estimate to replace the roof. Then, he sent me a shitload of images of the roof and chimney. Uh, I have no idea what I am looking at. Back and forth several times, and I ask for a second quote as well as explanation for what these photos are showing me. I receive a few email replies that give updates on calls put in to contractors and the HOA, but no answer to my more urgent concern requesting interpretation/advice as part of their service. One month later, I finally get clarification that there is a fix that will last a few years and NOT require complete roof replacement. We are proceeding with that route. Meanwhile, I voiced my displeasure to the maintenance lead and the agent. No calls back regarding their inadequate service. Goddamn. I might have to start shopping around for another management company. Fucking pain in the ass.

Fourth, Marty and his bizarre anxiety/trembling. The night we returned from Reno, he conked out pretty quickly, but Monday night, the trembling was back again. I put on the ThunderShirt which helped, but still didn’t make it go away. I re-did his bed, and laid down my old, pink bath robe that Remy used to sleep on in her later years. He seemed to settle down a bit. I called the vet tech, and she said it’s pretty hard to say with the older dogs. Could be pain, could be arthritis, could be anxiety. Well, that narrows things down. Sigh. Interestingly, last night, he had no trembling at all, so maybe it WAS anxiety? I dunno. I’ll monitor again tonight. Meanwhile, his flea meds are working wonders. He’s scratching a whole lot less these days. As for me, I still get occasional bites, but I have been vacuuming like a fiend again, so hopefully, that issue will go away very soon.

Ok. Time to crank out some more apps. I had a phone screen last night for a product marketing manager role at a tech nonprofit in SF. Tomorrow, I will meet the hiring director for an interview. Also, I cold emailed the Executive Director of a tech nonprofit in Milpitas. We’re meeting for coffee on Friday. Yup, still hustling.

Reno Balloon Race

So thrilled my camera captured this in the darkness!

So thrilled my camera captured this in the darkness!

On Friday morning, I realized that the Reno Balloon Race was this weekend. Ever since our amazing trip to ABQ a few Octobers ago, I just have a thing for hot air balloons. Not to go up in one (I’m scared of heights), but just to watch them glow and ascend at dawn. It’s such a peaceful and beautiful experience. So at dinner on Friday night, John and I had a conversation about life and “making it count.” Every time we see our parents, the visit makes us re-evaluate our own lives. I’ve mentioned it before about how my father was obsessed with working, learning, optimizing, improving… A few years ago, I asked him about life regrets. He replied that he wished he had started investing in stocks and understanding the financial markets sooner rather than beginning at 40 years old. Really dad? Your regret is about not building more wealth? Yes, I judged his reply. But looking back, I don’t want to make it seem like my father is superficial. He grew up extremely poor as a child of farmers. First to go to college. First to go to med school. First to leave the island. On the contrary, I am someone who grew up with the privilege that my parents created for me, so I don’t want to dismiss how transformative and impactful money can be. After all, even as I pursue opportunities in philanthropy and nonprofit, I am seeing that influence and change ultimately boil down to money– having the resources to build capacity. And my father to this day, continues to use his resources to benefit his immediate family, his extended family, and causes important to him. I get that. The interesting thing though, is that even though my father’s response was monetary, I feel like there an unspoken answer that’s equally front-of-mind: his shitty relationships with his kids. He never verbalizes this, but I feel it myself: a sadness over the loss of something that just cannot be found again. Some people ask if it’s a lost childhood, because he missed so many activities and school events due to work… I sense that parenting is different now with parents attending ALL the games and recitals and whatever. For me, I never really expected him to be there. I suppose I was independent in that sense. But surely, those absences played a role in creating a rather detached and unengaged relationship. It just is what it is.

I’m a strong believer in cultivating relationships and in self-nourishment through doing activities that you love. And yet, I keep applying to jobs… in areas that I believe in, yes, but also I’m trying so hard to fit my square peg into a round hole. I am gaining more traction on the job hunt, but still, there is no cigar!! And I feel tired. Tired to tweaking and re-tweaking myself and my materials to make my candidacy more appealing, more in line with what people are seeking. Goddamn, sometimes I feel like I’m participating in modern-day dating or something!!

Over dinner last Friday, John put it to me straight. Money is not an issue for us. We are lucky that way. And without kids, we really do have flexibility, so what is the life we really want? This is our opportunity. How do we NOT squander it?

I always say that in my dreams, I would be a writer. I say it like it’s some lofty, unattainable thing. Like when kids say they want to be Batman or something. I never give myself legitimacy as a real writer. Yet, the truth is, I AM a writer in reality. Right now.  I have been writing since childhood. Summer jobs, real jobs, jobs for my parents… I have always written. Even when I think about my current job hustle, I have actually been hustling since high school and college. I used to mail hundreds of letters and resumes out to companies just to convince them to give me a summer internship. In my adult life, I have used my writing to talk about cool engineering innovations, to craft advocacy messages, to tell entertaining stories, to engage others. I carry around in my head that one day I’ll work as a pro-blogger. But John pointed out: how will that happen if you never make your writing/blogging your central focus? If I really want to be a writer, why not just do that and commit to that?

Turns out, this highlights another conflict I have with myself. I’m an idealist, but I’m also a pragmatist. I can’t possibly be a writer/pro-blogger; after all, that idea feels even more far-fetched than me securing a job in philanthropy and corporate social responsibility and I feel like I have the credentials and skills for the latter!! Who is a writer? I don’t even know any writers among my friends, and how would I earn a living? No one pays for content anymore. Look at all those journalism school grads unable to find work. It’s just too much of a stretch.

At the same time, I hear what John is saying. Why am I chasing all these other things? For whom am I chasing? Money is not an issue for survival, and yet money to me means: 1) independence/freedom 2) accomplishment 3) legitimacy. This whole struggle I have had with shame from being unemployed… turns out, I actually give a shit about what other people think! I hate to admit this, and I probably only just realized it now. So many thoughts are going through my head. I still want to work in philanthropy. Getting my nonprofit management certificate really energized me about working in that sector. I still like to solve problems and get things done. But if no one will hire me, how do I create an avenue for myself? I think about how much I’ve been hustling… just to get a job to work for someone else. What if I hustle for myself, for my own business, or for my blog? I dunno. I’m overwhelmed, but I want to take heed. Somehow, I just really want to make this life count.

Needless to say, the dinner conversation touched off a ton of reflection. I want to do better. The question is how. Incidentally, in a moment of distraction, I told John about the Reno Balloon Race. Immediately, he suggested that we go. Mind you, by that time, it was about 9p on Friday night, and Reno is like 4 hours away. No matter. He got the idea in his head, and we mobilized. Packed our things, Martin, and off we went. I booked a hotel in the car. We were feeling pretty proud of ourselves for being all spontaneous and decisive and shit. And then Martin started getting super anxious in the car: panting, trembling…. wtf? It got so bad that we stopped at a random gas station in the middle of the night outside Sacramento (with lots of cop cars pulling in and out). I dunno what was going on. I got out of the car to let Martin out. I had taken off my shoes, and I stepped right onto a pavement littered with dry bird shit. Argh. We walked him and sat with him until he calmed down. But shit, we almost took him to an emergency vet that night.

He has definitely become more skittish since Remy died, but I never coddled Martin about it. And then, he seemed worse after the Napa earthquake. I just took him to the vet last Wednesday, and she gave him a total clean bill of health! I had mentioned the anxiety but I thought it was due to the earthquake, and I actually didn’t think of it as a new condition… Well, clearly now this is a new condition. So the rest of the drive was super touch and go. By the time we arrived at the hotel, it was past 2a. The receptionist suggested not even going to bed, because the balloon events were slated to start at 5a and she said we would need to leave the house at 3:30a because of traffic. Say what?? We didn’t listen to her. We went to bed and then when the alarm woke us at 3:30a, we decided to sleep in and catch the morning activities on Sunday instead. All three of us slept like rocks, and boy did it feel good. That stressful drive really tuckered us out.

Aside from Martin, the weekend was a lovely getaway. I know, no decisions on my job/writing/blogging/consulting paths forward, but heck, we had a fun time watching balloons! Full Flickr album here. Video playlist here.

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Giving Me a Boost!

The night before we flew out of DC, we had dinner with both parental units at Carrabba’s. As I’ve mentioned before, my parents don’t eat a western diet. They’re traditional Chinese that way. So anyway, they’d never been to Carrabba’s before. During our meal, I looked over, and my mother was scarfing down a huge plate of spaghetti bolognese! Holy shit. I was like, “Damn, they must make a crazy tasty spaghetti.” Mom laughed and said she never eats Italian because of my dad, and wow, that pasta was so good! Seriously, the portions there are huge. All. Gone. That’s the weird thing about co-dependence. You sometimes give up so much of what you want to do to accommodate the other person. It’s not that dad specifically made those demands, but over time, mom saw a preference in her partner, and she started adjusting– initially because she wanted for him, but over time, this becomes a pretty slippery slope. My mom-in-law, for example, she used to have all these dreams of traveling. Her husband hates to leave the house. Now, they’re both too old to get around much at all. And with my mom… Jesus, such a simple joy from going out and eating pasta! Just reminds me that it’s important to be giving, but you also have to nourish your own soul to make sure you get what you need for you. That’s right: always be looking out for number 1!

So my interview the day after returning to the Bay Area went well. I still prepped my brains out, but I was less nervous. The director had been at the organization for over two decades!! He just started off the conversation asking if I had questions for him…. oh, do I have questions! Apparently, he liked what I asked, because he commented that in his 25 years, no one had asked him that particular question (What’s your proudest accomplishment or project?). Not unusual to me, but I dunno, he seemed impressed. Then I had a host of others, and he made another remark that he got a good sense for how I thought, based on my questions. Eekkk!! I’ve had people say something similar to me before (L from the airplane), and it always makes me a little self-conscious, even if I think they mean it in a good way. At the end of the conversation, he said I seemed like someone who gets things done. Ding, ding, ding! Music to my ears! Almost automatically, I chimed in that I was ESTJ– THE personality for getting things done. And to my surprise, he knew the Myers-Briggs reference and said he was pretty sure that was his profile also!! Later that evening, he emailed me to confirm. That’s right, ESTJs unite!! I was happy to receive his message. Sadly, I’m still waiting for word on the gig…

Packing it in!

J and I arrived in DC Thursday night. The next morning, I had a second in-person interview with the environmental nonprofit in downtown DC. Due to nerves and my usual insomnia, I had trouble sleeping Thursday evening, and then I was up early again Friday morning. There was some kind of train delay on the metro, but it was waay early. So we had breakfast with the in-laws. Every time I go back to Maryland, I have a tough time adjusting to the pace there. During breakfast, I was internally stressing out wanting to get to the interview site so I could cram some more info and mentally prepare, but I told myself to try and maintain some perspective. There was plenty of time, and really, was breakfast with the in-laws too much to ask? No. Seriously, I needed to calm the fuck down.

And anyway, by the time breakfast was done, the trains were back to running on schedule. So John dropped me off at the metro station, and I arrived at the office building still way early. Of course, every time I have an interview, I go crazy with having to use the bathroom like every 30 minutes! That said, I didn’t want to check in at the receptionist desk just yet, so I went out in search of a public restroom. I ended up going across the street and intersection to the National Postal Museum, one of many public museums in DC with free admission. So yeah, entry is free but you gotta go through security and everything just to get to the restroom! Yes, it’s overkill but hey, I was desperate. Regardless, I got to see the insides of a cool, old building…

The interview itself went ok. The manager appeared in a dress, and she was all tatted up– like above the chest, on the fingers, arms, legs, etc.! I guess I wasn’t THAT surprised considering I had researched her profile beforehand and known she was from LA, if that says anything. Plus, she used to work in the music industry. Anyway, she said she was glad I didn’t wear a suit. Well yeah, I’m from California!!

So all the stuff I had prepped for the interview? She asked nothing related to any of it. No org history; nothing about the technical platforms they were using; nothing about current products and technologies out on the market. She just wanted to hear about my project management experience. By the end of the meeting, it was pretty clear that she was worried that I didn’t have experience drafting formal project work plans and having to document EVERYthing. And I get it: none of my other roles ever really demanded explicit documentation… it sounds like this org relies super heavily on documentation– partly for measuring and gauging results but also for major CYA internally. She said she would feel better if I had a PMP certification… And then on top of that, the largest project I’ve handled is only a small fraction of the size and magnitude this role calls for…. So, I left there kinda questioning whether things would proceed.

After the interview, I headed over to the Verizon Center to meet my parents and a prospective property manager for their condo in DC. The agent seemed responsive and savvy, so I’m hoping this arrangement will work out. I just asked for some references and there are a few things I want to negotiate in the contract. Otherwise, that’s good to go.

After that meeting, my parents and I drove to see my grandparents. They appeared well. Grandma has slowed down quite a bit: she looks rather sleepy and tired, but grandpa is still very sharp, especially for a 90+ year old. We went to a local Chinese restaurant and ordered a few of my fav dishes: Taiwanese rice noodles and Beijing duck. So yummy!!

The drive home took forever due to the holiday traffic, but I received a pleasant surprise email from the nonprofit… I’m invited to a third in-person interview with the IT director on Tuesday, the day after we fly back home. Yay! So, to recap the process, I applied at the end of June, and since then, I’ve done the phone screen, an interview with the CTO, an interview with the line manger, and now I have this upcoming interview with the IT director. I guess that’s a good thing, right?

Overall, the trip back East went well. My dad actually planned some outdoor activities for us, which is different. He was asking me what we like to do, and I said, no museums but outdoor activities in nature. The next day, we went for a short, half-mile hike to Cunningham Falls State Park. It was hot and muggy (not to mention mid-day, because I slept my sorry ass in), but my parents were really good sports about it. Really accommodating, and I appreciated their gesture. After the hike, we re-hydrated on drinks and watermelon and then headed off to Emmitsburg…along the drive, I was reminded of all the churches and religious institutions all over MD. Mount St. Mary’s University plus the National Shrine of Elizabeth Seton… pretty places to visit and sight see, but religion always freaks me out a little.

So now we’re on the plane. Bubs got wifi, so I prepped a few more job apps and caught up on my usual social media sites. I’m really pooped. I hope I’ll still be able to bring my A game for the interview tomorrow.

Turning Things Around on a Dime

I’ve been gaining decent traction these last few weeks… it feels great, but being the nerd that I am, I’m always trying to analyze and attribute the turn of events to very specific factors. Was it the optimized resume with less text and more white space? Was it the abbreviated cover letter? Was it the check-in email post submission? Honestly, my sense is that several factors contributed, but one definite thing that is helping is name dropping or connections. Every week, ProMatch reiterates that 80% of jobs are netted through networking. So fine. In the last several months, I’ve continued refreshing my old networks and reaching out to strangers. Slowly and methodically, I have grown my LinkedIn connections from around 100 to over 300. And the good thing is, I actually have met and talked with nearly all of those 300 people. I can honestly say where they work, what they do, and/or what they are seeking. Go ahead, test me! 😉

This month, I had five phone screens and two in-person interviews, with a third one scheduled for Friday. In 4/5 job opps, I had an “insider” contact (a current/former employee or someone who knows the hiring manager personally) either plug me if we worked together, or mention me as someone they loosely know. Certainly, the personal plugs from former colleagues or former collaborators did wonders. In three of those cases, I was very quickly contacted for a phone screen. In the other scenario, where an insider just mentioned me and my application (but didn’t necessarily vouch for my competency), my resume and paperwork got enough “view time” to get me an initial screen.

In two phone screens, I ended up withdrawing my application because of a very large salary gap, but still. These experiences really reiterate how influential any connection– even a remote one– is for recruiters and hiring managers. Turns out, HR is desperate for anything that will help filter and weed people out from the enormous pile of applications.

I did something differently yesterday. I came across a job posting from June for a higher level strategic marketing and communications role at an education nonprofit. Based on the description, the role actually seemed like a great fit for my existing experience plus there looked to be some decent room to grow. When I looked online, I discovered a standard web submission process: register here, then fill out a bunch of online forms, then upload your docs, etc. I HATE those automated job submission systems. First, I had zippo “insider” connections at the org. Then, seeing that the position had been posted for two plus months, where SURELY my resume would end up on a tall stack of papers, I decided to do this shit up guerrilla style! The hiring manager was listed as just a job title (no name), so I found the name and email and just sent my application to her directly– bypassing the whole system and HR. You would not believe. Within 24 hours, I got an email from HR saying that the manager had passed my info to her, and she’d like to do a phone screen. That was this morning. Funny thing, one of the HR lady’s first questions was: So you found our posting online, and you saw the instructions to apply through the system, but instead you emailed the manager directly. Why did you do that? Eekk!

I laughed nervously, because the HR director didn’t sound all too pleased about my blatant disregard for the process, but I just told it to her straight. I’ve attended a lot of job search workshops and read a lot of articles on job hunting. Sometimes you just have to do things differently, and see what happens. Change things up and try new strategies. Haha!! I didn’t divulge, but yeah, it’s all about adapting and iterating. I have heard SO MANY disastrous stories about applications falling into the black hole system, just getting stashed into some random desk drawer… Anyway, I’m sure she was a little annoyed and a part of me felt compelled to apologize, but heck, I was actually pretty proud of myself for scoring the call this way. Shows some initiative and gall! And in the end, if I’m a good candidate who offers value, who cares? Both sides win! Ice cream for all, as they say!

That first question definitely caught me off guard, but after that, the call went really well. She said they were already super far along in the recruitment. Two finalists had already gone onsite for in-person interviews with the director. But she said she was impressed with me, and she would check to see how set the director was feeling on the other two. Maybe it would be worthwhile to bring me on site. Woot, woot!! That’s right, sister. I’m the dark horse blazing ahead in the final stretch! We’ll see what happens…

In other news, J and I are headed back East to take care of family bidness. It’s going to be another packed couple of days. In person interview. Meeting with a property manager. Catching up with family. Then back on Monday to start September fresh.