Category Archives: Work

Build a Fire

Excerpted from a LinkedIn post that resonates with me today:

As a young lawyer, when work was slow, I got nervous, anxious, and fixated on working harder to get busy again. Now, I take a different approach. I tell myself, “Build a fire”.

In law school, Professor, Chief Judge, and former Marine James Baker told a story: It was freezing during a winter live-fire exercise in Infantry Officer school. He and his fellow trainees were shivering and sullen.

During a lull, a Major walked up and barked, what are you doing?

Judge Baker yelled out, waiting for the enemy so we could attack.

The Major said, No, what are you doing freezing?? Build a fire!

Judge Baker built the fire. Soon the soldiers warmed up, rejuvenated, and returned to their ferocious selves more ready to charge ahead.

As a young, ambitious lawyer, work getting slow was worrying. Where would the next deal come from? Would I be slow forever? Would I hit my target hours? I focused on all the things I could to generate business. I would wrote articles, built my skills, networked, scheduled coffee meetings, and made myself busy. This was deeply hurtful to my wife. She had unconditionally supported me when I was busy, but how could I not focus on my relationship with her during work slow times? Regardless of my efforts and anxiety, the next deal always came and I exceeded my billable-hour targets each year. As the economy slows and private equity and venture capital activity decrease, a lot of younger corporate lawyers are biting their nails. Some have reached out to me asking, what should I do when I’m slow?

My response: build a fire.

Invest in the parts of you that you neglected during the busy times. Engage with people who love you. Do the hobbies that make you feel free and happy, and allow your mind to wander.

I deepen my connection to my wife and children. I go on hikes with them and breathe fresh air. I exercise more. I walk my goats to greener pastures and fix the chicken coop. I call my parents, my brothers, and friends that I long since neglected.

I stay up late laughing and sleep a bit later in the morning. Work will get busy again and when it does I will be a more energized, mentally healthy, and productive M&A lawyer.

Even though I love being an M&A lawyer, an M&A lawyer is not all I am. I have other parts of me that must be nurtured and cultivated.

When work is slow, let’s resist sprinting to the next goal post. Instead, stop and build a fire. You will be better for it.

Patience is a Virtue

Well, it’s time to pat myself on the damn back. Why? Bc I recently got TWO different couples into contract! I first started working with both families (separately) in October… yes, back around Halloween!?!?! Holy. fucking. A. It’s been a very long run. Different price points, criteria, and areas, but both very challenging in that they kept aiming way higher than their budget.

In their defense, yes, this market is confusing bc the list price is often a “teaser” price which means the winning price is usually no where NEAR the list price. This throws people off. a lot. But damn, it was a long process covering several areas, multiple homes, and involving endless conversations about the market. Sigh, we’re finally in! And I could not be happier. One couple closed last month and they’ll take possession at the end of this month. The other couple will close next month on a home that’s just 10 minutes from my house. Of course, it’s not a done deal until closing but I am taking a breather.

Losing Offers

O.M.G. Some days, people really just blow my fucking mind. Last month, an agent friend referred a buyer to me. You see, my friend services Chinese clients exclusively, so anytime she gets other leads, she sends them my way. Yes, it’s a great resource for business. I’m super grateful to her for this hook up. But dang, as with any leads, you get good ones and you get quite a few duds.

So I set up a call with this new family. They’d been working with another agent for many months and submitted a few offers. I know, that should have been red flag number 1. Nothing stuck, and rather than the problem being that they were low-ballers, they determined that perhaps they needed an agent who was more experienced and more communicative.

So they ran down their list of requirements: single family, location, sqft, lot size, bedrooms, aesthetics. The usual. They gave me their budget. Right off the bat, I knew it was going to be a stretch, bc prices have continued to skyrocket (I’m not even exaggerating), and I mean, there’s a lot of “champagne taste on a beer budget” kind of bullshit happening. They explain that they want a decent amount of space for the newborn and active toddler, etc.

So I spend weeks with them, sending homes, discussing disclosures, reviewing market data, talking about the logistics of making an offer. They had submitted before and yet, given their questions, it became clear to me that they weren’t particularly well versed on the process nor on the market. I mean, here’s the deal. Buyers here think they know everything, so counter to the advice of agents and lenders, many will just start looking for homes (touring open houses) before all their financing and paperwork pieces are ready. Next thing you know, they’ll see the house, then scramble to compile an offer package in a couple days. Forty clicks later on Docusign, they don’t even know what the hell they’ve signed, agreed to, and submitted.

I hate that bullshit bc obviously, this is a massive legal transaction and I find it careless for people to just gloss over the details. Some buyers will even try to push the onus onto me: “I’m trusting that you think all of this is ok.”

I’m like, look, I’m happy to give you guidance but ultimately, the buyer is responsible for signing off on all of this. That’s right, I’m putting the responsibility squarely where it is. Needless to say, from the time of my initial meeting and call, I’ve been hard at work, getting my clients ramped up on what they need to know. It may not be as fun and as exciting as touring beautiful homes (we do that too!), but it’s the real nuts and bolts of getting positioned to win. So from the start, I’m talking to them about a gabillion things like why financing is important, what’s going on in the market, how to read disclosures, how to consider contingencies, understanding the consequence of non-contingent offers, the mechanics of the offer package, the psychology of sellers and other buyers…. it’s a shit ton of information. Each Zoom easily exceeds an hour and then there are all the questions afterwards!!!

As for the homes, it doesn’t even matter how unqualified they are to buy it or how unserious they are, I still do the extra leg work to provide insider scoop, i.e. meaning calls to the list agents, running preliminary comps, scanning the disclosures. Again, a shit ton of work all done up front as a way to get my buyers up to speed AND to convey my value.

So with these buyers, day and night, I’m fielding texts and links and this and that. Frankly, their budget is realistically in townhome territory, but they insist they need the single family home. I’m like ok, but you’ll have to sacrifice condition, size, or location. Then last week, they send me two homes. One was taking offers the very next day. Given the sqft and location (and schools), I immediately knew that place was out of their budget. Even so, I reached out to the list agent to get the traffic stats and insights. HUNDREDS of visitors, phone ringing off the hook, a bunch of disclosures, etc. I share the info with my buyers and what happens? The hubby doesn’t even believe the info. He suggests the list agent is bluffing. Then he reasons: the home has been on the market for 15 days and hasn’t sold. I want to offer $50k below list.

WTH? First off, it got into contract after just 2 days on market with multiple pre-emptive offers and it fell out of contract just yesterday. The days on market counter didn’t reset even though it was under contract. Details like that matter. Then he insists that the condition needs a ton of work. Yeah dude, you weren’t even among the hundreds of visitors to tour the place. Everyone knows the condition: it’s clear from the pics and the reports. Anyway, back and forth, he wants me to write this lowball offer and doesn’t understand why we can’t “just try”. And that’s when I’d had enough of his bullshit. It’s Sunday night, I got all the info for you, and ran the comps, and you’re not even using this data to position to win. I’m not writing, bc I’m not in the business of writing losing offers. Yup, let that sit for second. That’s how I said it too. He was stunned.

Seriously, bro. Go “try” and waste someone else’s time. You think you know better? Then go use someone else. Yup, my second time in five years where I set a boundary and refused to give in to their nonsense. It just became so clear to me that they don’t trust me. Here I was being my usual gullible self, all optimistic and hopeful that these people would want to learn, that they’d be open to information and advice with the ultimate goal of winning. Nope. They just want to use you and abuse you. There’s no fucking respect. They just think I’m someone to open the damn door and then they want to try for that needle in the haystack deal that doesn’t fucking exist. And frankly, if it DID exist, you’re def not the buyer who’s positioned to win that one either! Like, are you paying all cash? Nope? Then, next.

Yeah, they don’t give a damn that it’s a Sunday night and I’ve got plans and what, I should just drop everything to get it done? Sure, I could cobble the essentials- just the purchase contract and be half-assed about all the other elements in the package but nope. I’m known for being tidy and thorough with my paperwork. I’m not going to be half assed and incomplete.

Two days later, the home was in contract. List agent said it went well over 1.65m. I suspect over $1.7m even. And they had wanted to submit at 1.45m. I’m telling you. Not. even. fucking. close. The second home they were interested in was listed at $1.5m and got into contract for $1.8m. When I passed along the info, not even the slightest acknowledgement for how WRONG they were. Whatevs. As Bubbey says, some people are just losers: they will just continue submitting losing offers, bc they won’t adapt enough to win. As incredulous as that seems to me, I suppose Bubbey is right.

Like I said before: I know this is a crazy market. I know these prices are insane and outrageous. It’s not for everyone, so please conduct your own honest self-assessment, weighing your ability, your finances, your tolerance for risk, your adaptability, etc. Once you’ve committed to the goal of buying/selling in this market though, my job is to help you win. Don’t sabotage your own path to success.

The COVID Effect

I’ve been thinking lately about how much COVID has changed things. On one hand, I really appreciated the shift to more efficient meetings. The elimination of travel time and commute allowed me to participate in so many more events, esp Realtor weekly updates. I really felt like I was taking advantage of so many more knowledge bases and resources.

Even when I have client zooms, it’s so helpful to be able to view the same properties together online and for me to share data and stats and graphs. Of course, when I used to have in-person meetings, I would book an office space and project that info on the screen but so many times, people would flake last minute and I’d be there all dressed up and set up twiddling my thumbs. Now if people flake (They still do, welcome to the modern era!) at least I can easily pivot back to what I was working on. I also like that I’m able to see people’s faces online. Sure, there are a bunch of studies about zoom fatigue and the detrimental effects of close up focus but eh. Ultimately, I embrace this technology and this form of communication.

John has commented a few times though that COVID has made me less social for my friendships. Maybe that’s true. I find that work has really picked up, so I’m easily having calls/zooms with several people per day and that eats into my overall battery for social interactions.

Which kinda brings me to a realization. All my past personality tests revealed me to be an extrovert by nature (although I’m borderline). But now I find I need my down time. It’s no longer energizing for me to connect with so many people. I like having my decompression time.

I think I’ve been lucky though: I’m in the business of still having to talk to and see people. So even in the most isolating of pandemic times, I’ve still been forced to get out and interact. There are certainly challenges with the face masks and limited body cues, but I’m continuing to learn. I think one important skill I still really need to hone is evaluating people. Seriously. Who’s’ ready, serious, decisive, smart, AND coachable. Too many times I’ve been burned trying to take on a challenge. Trying to identify my learning moment. Fucking showing 4-5 dozen homes only to realize in the end that the buyers STILL won’t adjust their budget/criteria to the current market. That’s my mistake.

In those times, I was a stupid, overly optimistic person. I wanted to believe that the default was: people will see the data and learn. Nope. This damn valley is full of self-confident, know-it-alls. If there’s a deal (a needle in the haystack) to be found, they are CONVINCED they are the ones to find it and win it. And so what you actually end up with is people who gather data ad nauseam and don’t know what the hell to do with it. A year later, prices are up 30% and they still haven’t won a house. Seriously. It’s time to shit or get off the pot, people.

The other day, I was explaining to a couple how competitive this market is. 10-20 offers and on AVERAGE 10% above list price. I advise that they get their loan docs fully underwritten to improve their positioning. What’s the response? A full run down about how they are dual income techies with solid salaries and no debt. Yeah, I know. AND join the club. You’re wanting a $1.6m home for a $1.2m price point. You are steadily employed with perfect credit, yada, yada. At the end of the day though, you want a home at a price point that doesn’t exist. And truthfully, the valley is chock full of people with loads of dough. I’m telling you. I had someone provide their bank statement with $21m in it. Those people are competing with you on that home that’ll go for $1.6m. And you’re telling me you will only pay $1.25m BUT you’ll remove contingencies. SMH. That’s what I’m saying. Are you coachable???

Here’s the thing: I know this market is cray. I know these figures are insane. I know! But my job is to get you ramped up to win. I ain’t about writing a gabillion LOSING offers. That’s a waste of your time and my time. Again, this market isn’t for everyone. Please have a better understanding of yourself (perhaps COVID has warped some brains), and let’s work on getting this shit done.

But I digress. The nature of my job can be pretty fucking exhausting. No doubt our population is highly educated and strongly skewed towards data heads. The irony is that that kind of profile doesn’t necessarily make my job easier. But like I said, I can be an optimistic and sometimes gullible/naive person. I’ll still plug away longer than a regular agent to try and make magic happen with you. Shrug. I can be masochistic that way.

Bye Bye, Bully!

So the bossy pants, rude client that I picked up at an open house and got into contract on an off-market deal? It’s a very long, laborious story but for ten days while we were in contingent status, I did EVERYTHING to get her the info she needed to make the decision for her family. Contractors, inspectors, endless back and forth questions to the sellers, to the HOA. I could sort of tell she was pulling that bullshit “negotiating culture” technique where you lament about SO MANY things being wrong with the home. OMG, it’s in horrendous shape and needs SO MUCH work. For a full week, I’m explaining to her that this place is off-market. It’s not prepped like an active listing and that’s how you’re actually IN CONTRACT. Prior to meeting me, she’d already submitted multiple offers. Did she win? No, bc she’s too fucking cheap to go up in price. She doesn’t have it in her to win in this market. Look, here’s the thing. I know our market is extreme. The price points are crazy high. The pace moves very fast. That’s why I tell buyers: This market is not for everybody. If you are super conservative and want a ton of time to review every detail, this market is not for you. If you don’t want to “overpay”, well, step aside bc plenty of people will and do “overpay” bc they want to be in a damn house. If you want to hire your own inspectors and not use the seller reports, fine. Wait for a different market. Seriously. I’m not here to bully you beyond your comfort zone. I already know, more people are not interested in being pushed outside their zone. They want to stay in their safe little spot. Fine, your prerogative. You do you. I’m telling you that’s not how the current market goes.

So I’ve actually got a full schedule this afternoon with showings with a new client that is well qualified and actually very considerate and nice (imagine that!), so there’s no need to dwell on a shitty buyer even though I know it makes for a good story.

Here’s the quickie lowdown. I’m getting this down so I will never do this to myself again. Buyer was abrasive from the get go. Acted like she knew everything and she’s super qualified. Just needs the right house. Whatever.

Got her in contract. Gathered a shit ton of data and info…. way more than I’ve ever done for any other client. She kept complaining and kept throwing out lower and lower prices. The sellers were very clear about their bottom number. She kept pushing. One day she wanted the contact info for the homeowner next door who doesn’t even live at the home. Next day, she was freaking out about rats being in the EXTERIOR water heater closet that had a damaged door. Next day, why is the door number missing from above the garage and it’s not missing for anyone else? So many more… I can’t even list it all out. So finally, yesterday morning, she emails me to cancel the contract. Per her instructions, I draft it, she and her family Docusign and I send the file to the list agent for sellers. Then in the afternoon, while it’s out for seller signature, she calls that maybe she has remorse. The rat issue is a public health issue she claims, will they come down another 25k after they already agreed to come down the first 25k. I told her, we told you from the get go, you are at the bottom number. No more price cuts and on top of that, the deal is over. Sellers are signing cancellation. I emailed her the executed cancellation.

Then she has the nerve to ask me if we can find another home in the same price point. I told her, after this is formally cancelled, I cannot help you. There isn’t a good fit.

This morning, her lender calls me at 8AM. Can she still proceed with the deal? WTF? What don’t you understand? You’ve been such a pain in the ass to deal with, the sellers were thrilled to cancel and don’t want to ever communicate with you again. I email her again… uh, per your instructions, deal was canceled. Please confirm receipt. Then, a lengthy email about not wanting to be in a bidding war, maybe there are deals where price doesn’t go up, yada yada. Let’s have a frank conversation.

Normally, I respond fast. This time? Gonna just let that message sit. There is nothing more to say. Good luck on your search. F you. I busted my ass to get this deal done. I mean, she had an insane list of criteria…. criteria that even conflicted with each other. When I called to clarify, she wouldn’t even give me the time of day. “I’m a very busy person.” When I disagreed with her on comps, she accused me to advocating for the seller and not her. Ok, whatever. You just negotiated yourself out of a deal and an agent.

Turns out, I’m even busier than you are right now. NEXT. Seriously, it blows my fucking mind the audacity of asshole adults living among us. You want to be a bully? Goodbye.

Taking Action

Lately, I’ve found myself getting pretty. damn. ticked off. by people. Like, a lot. Granted, my biz throws me in front of more strangers/interactions than the average person, so maybe that’s worn down my usually high tolerance (yeah right) for bullshit. I dunno: maybe it’s also just that phase of life, you know having to deal with responsibilities for the parents and things. Altogether, it can be a grind.

The good news is that the Maryland house closed a week ago. That’s officially done. My father got his two vax shots while he was here thru summer, and then he endured another 2 weeks of hotel quarantine after returning back to Taiwan. The island is STILL being super strict with their policies. Thankfully, vaccines are becoming more available there, but I’m waiting to see when they remove the quarantine restriction. Until then, I’m not planning to fly out there for a visit. As it is, I can only handle 5 days max with the parentals, and to tack on 2 weeks confined in a room on top of that is a definite deal breaker.

In other news, we’re into the final weeks of the year, and I am picking up the pace working with numerous buyers. I hosted several open houses that thankfully received a ton of traffic, and I actually scored several new clients from those. At the moment, I’m covering a pretty broad geography from Contra Costa County thru Alameda, San Mateo, and down to Santa Clara Counties, but dayum, it feels good to be very busy.

I’ve been working more too with first-time buyers, and that’s especially rewarding. It’s kind of interesting bc one common theme we often encounter in real estate masterminds/trainings is this notion of “how coachable are you?” And I find that that concept totally applies with buyers. With the demographics of our area, we certainly have a ton of dataheads and personalities that can be rather opinionated and decisive. I definitely appreciate working with people who are educated and smart; that said, sometimes there’s a lot of attitude where people do a lot of puffing. I’ve had a few buyers try to “school” me on the process and/or the market, and then once things got down to business with the details, I realized very quickly they were completely clueless.

I recently met a lady at an open house who just kept being very dismissive, treating me like someone below her. Sometimes I get some weird masochistic bug in my head though, where I convert my annoyance into a game, like… hmm, if I WERE to convert someone like this, how would that be done? So I gathered some advice from my team, and she actually responded. Granted the next several weeks, there was still that underlying disrespect, acting like she knew the market better than I did (she was REALLY starting to irk me), but as I asked more questions, perhaps I suggested to her that she didn’t really understand these terms, like “noncontingent” that she was just throwing out. Two days ago, I got wind of an off-market deal and now we are in contract. Not even a fucking “thank you” for preparing the package in a flash and beating out other buyers who had also seen the home.

I won’t go into the details now, but it’s frustrating dealing with attitude from clients. And thankfully, I have had experiences where I know it doesn’t even have to be that way. So note to self: I must do a better job of being selective. I don’t have to work with everyone and honestly, not everyone deserves the level of service and attention that I give.

So of course while all this work bullshit has been happening, I got a call from my friend’s mom. Super urgent. My friend N has been in the dumps (again) and somehow I’m the only one who can get to her. Can I fly out to NC to talk to N? Um, I have been leaving messages, polos, sending cards. No reply. I’m done. And no, I’m not fucking flying out to North Carolina just to have a goddamn conversation. I cannot help people who are unwilling to help themselves. I’m not some godsend miracle worker here to save people. I am at the end of my string. Friendship is a two-way street. I try my best to give some buffer for mental health and how debilitating it is, but at end of the day, if you aren’t responding and you don’t even open mail from your concerned friends, sorry, that’s where I draw the line.

And just like that, I am back in therapy. I know society still has a stigma with mental health and therapy, but I don’t have any shame for therapy. The world’s a fucked up place, and kudos for people who have the cognizance to ask for some fucking help to get better. Anyway, I found a lady who’s pretty good. We’re doing the weekly thing, and she actually seems quite cutting edge. Already, she has suggested some newer coping techniques and methods. I started seeing her bc I was feeling a lot of anger and frustration being surrounded by people of inaction. That’s what I’ll call them. People who are miserable and unhappy and yet don’t take any action to change things or try to make things better. Look, everyone is struggling. You’re not the only one with problems. Fucking do something to figure it out.

The initial impetus for all this was, surprise, surprise, my parents. I had had just one too many calls where mom was a practical vegetable, unable to even get up out of her chair, her muscles have atrophied so much, and dad never leaves the house and just sighs every which way. What are you up too? Is anything new? NOTHING.

Jesus Christ, are you being held captive? Yes, I know it’s covid times but in Taiwan, that shit is under control. You live across one of the largest urban parks on the goddamn island. Go across the street and take a fucking walk! Jesus Christ. As you can see, I was up to my ears listening to this self-imposed paralysis.

The thing is, on one hand, my brain tells me I need to have more compassion. That people aren’t necessarily built like I am (whatever that means) with motivation and self-control. Yada yada. Fine, feel some compassion for them being paralyzed by pain. Now what. What the fuck are you gonna do about it?

So that’s topic #1 with the therapist. Topic #2 is bullshit I have related to work and self-worth and my definitions of success. I have discussed my mental struggles with work/career ad nauseum on this blog. It goes away every few years and then comes back with a fucking vengeance. No one really gets it. What started off as parental pressures used to “motivate” me to be better turned into a lifelong, insatiable, relentless push where at times, I will push myself to sheer exhaustion chasing this nebulous, constantly morphing ideal of success. The therapist admits there are memories and incidents where the things my parents said were “messed up.” Her proposal is to try EMDR (Eye movement desensitization reprocessing) to help move me to a place where I can recall memories without feeling the pain and trauma (her word choice) surrounding them.

So I’m on a once a week and of course, as soon as I started, I began compiling my thoughts about what I thought my issues were and why I was seeking help. Yes, in true control-freak fashion. Unlike what I did with a past therapist though, I refrained from providing her with a written synopsis. Haha, yes I did that in the past! Anyway, as you can see the projects never really end. There’s always something.

Three Seasons

At the start of fall, a friend of mine commented that the pandemic has now lasted through three seasons. Goddamn, that’s one way of putting it into perspective. In the beginning, I’ll admit, I welcomed SIP. I mean, for one thing, I hate driving, so being able to tend to much of my work activities from the comfort of home was freaking amazing. At first, I was just tuning in on zoom— camera off and audio on mute. But after a couple weeks, I realized that I was kinda being a schlump… you know, attending while still half asleep and still wearing my PJs. As soon as I realized this was not helping me tackle the days full force, I shifted gears. Yup. Got up, changed into work clothes, put on my makeup, got everything all set up and arranged on the dining table by the kitchen windows (great lighting). For me, getting dressed and ready makes a huge difference.

I went into hyper focused mode. I took all the required classes and tests to renew my agent license (set to expire in November). Got that shit done months early. I also took some extra skills training and classes. Plus my brokerage was getting us on Zoom daily so we could be briefed on all the damn industry and legal changes. SO MANY.

Aside from SIP further enabling my workaholism, I actually appreciate that I’ve trimmed things down to the essentials. I used to be into organizing activities and dinner and travel and things… I realized that I actually enjoy taking a break from all that. It’s a lot of extraneous effort and work. Not that I don’t enjoy seeing friends but I dunno: turns out I don’t mind feeding my introverted side. I don’t really feel motivated or compelled to initiate anymore. John’s been making comments thinking it’s unusual for me but eh, maybe that was an entirely different life. I read somewhere that who you are now doesn’t have to be who you were five minutes ago. True dat.

Chin Up

It’s been another long while and another long slog. I’ve been quiet on the blog lately, bc I joined a new coaching program in November and was spending a lot of energy ramping that up. I was hopeful and excited for a new wave of learning— skills, strategies, and mastery… but three months later, it’s been a rocky road. I know, story of my life and story of working in this industry.

The coaching program focuses a lot on lead generation through direct response marketing which involves print as well as internet ads. Initially, things were amazing. I was getting lots of leads and making calls several times a day. I was having conversations with people about real estate! The path of course is to call the leads, set appointments from the calls, and then convert the prospects at the appointments into clients. So yeah, many steps even before they sign on to work with me.

But I was actually reaching people on the phone and to my surprise, I got meetings booked! Then, people began to flake. Or they’d want to buy mobile homes…

One lady signed on with me and was so pleasant to work with. I busted my ass working with her for three weeks, and I was so thrilled to get her into contract. Yeah, we beat out 14 other offers and then she couldn’t deliver the damn deposit. And as all of this unraveled, I put two and two together, ultimately coming to the realization that she was being scammed. Yes, no joke, she was a victim of elder financial fraud where someone had convinced her that she had inherited some insane amount of money from overseas. I had to involve the legal team, my managing broker, the contracts guy… EVERYone wanted to know what was going on and what was to happen next. I swear, it was like I was in a real estate soap opera, if there were such a thing. I wanted to get the FBI involved, but bc of my fiduciary role, I could not report anything without her permission. Meanwhile, she insisted that her funds were legit AND that she knew where her money came from. I mean, I won’t go into all the details but none of this was a straight line. She was battling walking pneumonia the whole time, I was having to drive to doctors’ offices and the hospital to meet her to discuss the next steps in the transaction, and she would go dark hours at a time being totally unreachable. It’s over now, but I lost three weeks of my life and the extreme stress of uncovering something so predatory and sinister and having my hands tied (she refused to acknowledge she was a victim) triggered extreme abdominal pains. Not to mention the mental anguish of being the poster child of shit going wrong in a real estate transaction…

Around the same time, I also found out that the couple that had dumped me before Thanksgiving closed on an expensive home that paid 3% buyer side commission. Fuckers. They kept insisting their budget was $1.5m max and they didn’t want to be “too burdened” by a high mortgage, yada, yada. They bought at $1.7m. I still get so roiled up about it. I wasted three months covering an insane area and then they finally decided to be decisive and buy after 2 weeks with a new agent.

Needless to say, another shit start to a new year. Is it even surprising that I got diagnosed with GERD for the first time in my life (the pain was so intense, I thought I had stones), and I had a meltdown at the office yesterday?

Despite the numerous setbacks, I know I am mentally strong. I still believe I’m a careful and thorough agent. I still believe my values of advocacy, education, and care benefit the people I serve. It’s freaking disheartening and demoralizing trudging through all the sludge just to get to the sweet spot. People say to remember all of the good things in your life. I do and I am so grateful for the blessing that I have. But they almost make me feel unworthy. I just want to be successful. I just want to be a winner. I know these things require work. And I’m willing to do things that are not easy. I’m willing to put myself out there. I’m willing to face rejection and rude, disrespectful people every day. And yet, I am stuck.

All activity, no results. It’s frustrating and it’s painful. But I cannot wallow in the disappointment. Bc I know no matter my level of despair, millions of people are out there fighting bigger battles without the resources, support, and privileges that I have. So I don’t want to complain, and I don’t want to dwell in self-pity. Life moves on.

My next steps are to keep plugging away at the activities and use them as a way to improve my skills. I am also reaching out to more experienced agents to seek their insights and to see if I can establish new partnerships and exchanges.

Oh man, I had a buyer appointment scheduled for today at 12:30 pm. A Taiwanese lady was referred to me by another agent who does not speak Mandarin. The prospect lost her keys, so now the appointment is canceled. What can you do but try to reschedule and move on to the next challenge. Shrug. I really cannot make this shit up.

Dumped

What can I say, at the end of August, I was so excited and thrilled to have multiple buyers in my pipeline. I closed one family at the end of October, but unfortunately, I just lost the second family a few days ago.

Sure, from the get go, it was a doubtful and challenging scenario with the hubby and wife currently living four hours apart, both being out of town with limited availability to scout out homes during the week, and ultimately with the wife calling all the shots all while communicating SOLELY through her hubby. In retrospect, maybe the multiple red flags should have tipped me off, but honestly, I was just so dang happy to get them signed on to work with me, and I was so determined and perhaps naively optimistic that I would find them the right house.

Remember that family to whom I showed over 30 houses a year or so ago? Fuck that. 30 homes was nothing. For this latest family, they covered a geographic region from San Jose to 90 minutes south in north Salinas. Yes, all of it was possible— they could live in ALL those places, they insisted. So, I scouted out probably 70 homes on their behalf in the three months of working together.

Last Saturday, while I was away at a conference, the wife texted through the search platform the oddest message and then she went on and on about really loving a house that just came on the market. Being as this wasn’t my first rodeo, I told her let’s see how the hubby reports back when he checks it out. Also, let’s wait for the disclosures. Immediately after the hubby saw it during the open house, they had me trying to prep for an offer. On Monday, as soon as I returned to town, I made arrangements to meet the list agent and tour the house and run comps. On Tuesdays, the disclosures were released. My clients reviewed and then late Tuesday, the hubby called me to say they were not only passing on the house but also passing on me.

The explanation was that the wife was burned out (SHE’S burned out from conducting the search strictly behind her computer monitor from the comfort of her own home?!?!), she wanted to take a break, and then they wanted to use another agent “to get new perspective.” Yup, just like that. Three months of hardcore work up in smoke. I will earn zippo on that whole project.

To be honest, I was stunned. I had been pulling/reviewing disclosures, contacting list agents, building rapport, running comps, talking to their lender, checking stats/inventory on THREE different markets, so much fucking work for nothing. I cried so much that night. And then the next day, all day I was sobbing on and off. Yet another asshole out there viewing real estate agents like a goddamn commodity. You just swap them in and out. No respect. I barely even got a thank you out of the hubby, and absolutely zero acknowledgement or comment from the wife. What absolute dickwads.

Thankfully, during the three day conference, I had already decided to sign on to the coaching program. My goals through the program are to build my skillset, implement an organized and integrated system marketing/tracking system, and generate a plethora of leads so that I am better positioned to be selective about clients. Moving forward, clients have to be 1. motivated 2. qualified to buy 3. nice. You have no idea how difficult it is to find people who meet just those three basic criteria.

It’s an interesting lesson for me. The whole time, John was telling me I was spending too much time on these people. Their (her) criteria was constantly evolving. First, we started out looking for homes with granny units or enough space to build an ADU. They had zero understanding about the regs surrounding ADUs. I educated them and pointed them to resources. Then, the ADU requirement went away and there were suddenly other criteria. It was a whole laundry list and yet, I found homes to check off everything. Then the demands changed again. Each time, I asked questions to better understand their needs. John told me to scale back and stop asking questions. You’re wanting to find patterns and apply logic to what they want. It defies logic. You can’t work with crazy. But I was so determined…

A few months ago, my 83-year old seller (for whom I worked out a solution with the local housing agencies) told me “you’re very optimistic.” I thought it was the strangest compliment, bc if anything, I consider myself a realist/pessimist. But now I see what she meant. No matter how unreasonable my clients were, I just doubled down and worked harder. For whatever reason, I convinced myself that we were closer to closing on a home than not. And boy was I wrong. Boy did I misread. As Bubbey and my friends told me, she was never going to buy. I didn’t believe them. After all, we had written two offers before… they were serious. That was my proof. But I suppose, the ultimate proof will be in the pudding. That family that viewed 30 homes? I looked them up in public records about 1.5 years after we’d met. They still hadn’t purchased a home. We’ll see if that’ the case too with this family.

As fate would have it… a few days before they cut me loose, I had a memorable conversation with their lender. I told him how I had seen so many homes on their behalf. He said he’d known them a long time and during that time they had worked with many agents and professionals. The consensus was that no one ever communicated with the wife, yet she was the only decision maker. And the hubby was always the messenger. They’d run through multiple agents and be in and out of contract (red flag), and universally, people found them to be very difficult to work with. Honestly, I had underestimated a lot:

1. The hubby’s level of pain. When I first met him in August, he had already been searching for 8 months on his own. Scouring open houses an hour away from where he currently lived then driving eight hours every weekend to reunite with the wife and kid and return for work on Monday. I thought to myself… how long could this possibly go on? Apparently, this arrangement of living apart and driving an inordinate amount every week can go on forever. And now my realization is that she’s a saboteur— perhaps she doesn’t even want to live with him anymore!

2. The wife’s power. Being in a relationship where J and I are mostly balanced in discussing big decisions, it never really occurred to me that the hubby would be so damn spineless. My goodness, I showed him numerous homes that he LOVED and then as soon as she seemed lukewarm on the home, he’d suddenly call out a bunch of things he didn’t like about the home he had previously LOVED.

3. I can’t work with crazy. The whole time, I kept studying the homes they saved or liked, looking for patterns or common characteristics. I’d ask for feedback so that I could fine tune or improve my search parameters… In the end, J was so frustrated with me. He said I kept trying to get clarification to better understand but their decision making was not based on logic. You just can’t work with decision makers who decide based on emotion. It’s too much based on whim.

Well, no matter how you report on the autopsy, it’s a shitty deal. It really hurt my feelings and hurt my confidence. And now I’m at the end of November and the deal I was hoping to close by year end is gone. And I don’t even want to think about the high opportunity cost I paid for this very undeserving and ungrateful family.

New Clients

Believe it or not, business started picking up at the end of August. My lender sent me a lead for a couple (first-time homebuyers) looking in San Benito County, an hour plus south of here. I wasn’t too thrilled about them looking that far away, but as I’ve learned in some of our training, you have to reward the behavior. A referral is always a good thing, and I was certainly very grateful. The lender told me the couple would be interviewing with other agents, so I jumped on it as soon as I could and set up a buyer consult.

At first, they were looking in Hollister. Considering I had just closed a deal in Gilroy and Hollister was maybe another 20 minutes away, I figured I would suck it up and do it. After I met the family, they seemed so lovely AND their timeline was two short months so I why not? They signed on to work with me, and I was so thrilled. A few weeks in, I realized, they were actually looking in THREE different counties– none of them mine. Long story short, I made many visits south– as far as Salinas, which is 90-120 minutes away. Then, they were focused on new construction, then old construction, then back and forth again. You have no idea. On some weekends, I just couldn’t do an open house, tour with an existing client, and then tour with these new clients… I had to enlist the help of my mentor, who took them out twice.

It’s now October, and after three offers (one other one getting into contract), we’re in contract again. And you know me: I never get an easy file. Not only is the home far away, but their loan is not the easiest AND with the first home where we got into contract, I uncovered about $700/year in special taxes and assessments that the seller and disclosure reports never disclosed. Now, we’re in contract on another home and this time, there’s a 20-year solar agreement that the sellers didn’t know they were in. I’m telling you: I am reading so many contracts that John is lamenting I should have just gone to law school bc at least I would be getting paid (instead of working for free– at least until a deal closes). I can’t believe it but shit man, all those years helping my dad with his real estate transactions trained me up for reading this tedious and annoying fine print. Shit, I know the agreement better than the fucking solar company, I tell you!

Anyway, I’m hoping this deal will progress and I can get it through until closing day at the end of October. Meanwhile, I also signed on a new client through one of my open houses. The family has a healthy budget and is seasoned with home buying BUT the family is currently living in separate cities (way out of town) and they have a home for sale. Needless to say, for the last month and a half, it’s been a beotch coordinating two clients, both from out of town and searching for homes out of town. The logistics are a serious headache. The second family is nice but there’s also been a lot of flip flopping, so I’m getting pretty worn out.

I try to explain it to my friends: I’m super stoked and excited for the business. Both clients have signed me up as their exclusive agent. But both cases are very challenging, from the logistical standpoint trying to schedule showings and meetups as well as from the client navigation/guidance/management perspective. Their needs/wants are constantly changing, so things are hot one minute then cold the next.

Last weekend, I was out in Hollister all day long. Then both clients wanted to submit offers at the same time but on different homes. This shit happens in such a flash, that I ended up copping a squat at the local Safeway and using my mifi hotspot to review all the disclosures, run comps/analysis, make calls, prep the docs. Four hours later, I get an offer submitted. The second one is nearly good to go. On the drive home, the second family changes their mind on the home. All that work for nothing. Back to the drawing board… And that’s how this shit rolls. Up and down, on and off, hot and cold, stop and go.

But I realized yesterday that, despite the frustrations, once I get my people into contract, I like what I do. Especially with the first-time homebuyers, the work is very rewarding and I actually put two and two together last night. Real estate works for me bc it combines education with advocacy and care. I care about understanding the docs. I care about knowing the process and knowing all the ins and outs. And I want my clients to know what the hell they are signing with all these legal documents. Ultimately, I advocate for them and protect them even if it means the deal falls through and I don’t get paid.

Interestingly, remember my listing that imploded in April? Even though everyone around me and my co-listing agent insisted that my clients had no case (they signed what they signed), six months later, we got the City to work out a deal with a partnering housing nonprofit. We’re still getting the paperwork tied down, but at the end of October, my client will get almost $150k more than she would have gotten had we just acquiesced and accepted going by the book. Sure, it’s still not the market price we originally thought we’d get, but given the deed restrictions and her acquiring the home through an affordable housing program, this is a wonderful outcome. And I’m glad that we persisted– that we reached out to the City departments, made repeated appeals, scheduled repeated meetings, and thankfully, multiple agencies came together to create a better solution: synergy at it’s best.

So work is definitely picking up. I’m doing far more activities– I’m just hoping these activities will lead to results soon, bc I would really love to end the year off on a high note.