Category Archives: Work

Stilettos and Clubs

Oh my, it’s been another hectic week. Things started off kinda crappy bc of my lingering cold. At Bubbey’s urging, I called the advice nurse line at Kaiser to see if 10+ days with a sore throat seemed right to them. The nurse was super nice and she said she was battling the same nasty cold herself… there is nothing you can do except continue with the honey/lemon/hot water concoction, suck on throat lozenges, bundle up, and protect your throat from exposure to anything extreme like cold outside air or blasts of dry hot air from indoor heaters. Then, she specifically said, wear a scarf and cover your mouth from these extremes. Omfg, my parents and their constant nagging were right about everything once again! Wtf. I said that to the lady and she cracked up. I mean, every time my parents tell me all this shit, I just roll my eyes. Now I waited on hold for ten minutes to hear the same info from a professional. SMH.

Meanwhile, our poor friend A who invited us to Pasadena… she’s on two different inhalers plus two different antibiotics and she was ordered to stay home on bed rest for another week. Really bad.

Work wise, I tried really hard to get back on track this week. There were a host of trainings and meetings. I met another newbie who was one month in and she had already started meeting with loan officers. And then I realized that, in some way or another, I was procrastinating with that shit. Oh hell no, I am not going to be outworked by another newb. So that afternoon, I reached out to several loan officers and booked appointments. It’s Gou time, mother fuckers.

I scheduled five appointments for the next seven days, and then I’m also planning random drop ins too. One super high producing loan officer at a credit union called me back and invited me to either meet at the office and get a tour and meet the underwriters, OR we could meet at the Capital Club after work where he could book a booth for us. Don’t get the wrong idea: I wasn’t creeped out by it or anything, but I was thinking to myself: what the heck is the Capital Club? Holy crap, that’s how real power players roll. Shit, I am NOT ready!!! Thankfully, I was able to think fast and just opt to see the office and meet the team. After I got off the phone, though. The CC is a country club… like members only kind of place. Oh man, another reminder that real estate can be a fancy world. Shit. I gotta step my shit up!

Which brings me to another issue. I have to revisit my style. I mean, I’m certainly not the frumpiest in the lot of agents, but I’m also not A game. This line of work is def dressier than anywhere else I’ve ever been, including the stodgy environmental engineering firm from back in the day. The ladies who look nice have their shit together: hair, makeup, nails, jewelry. I am seeing a lot of expensive bags and shoes– big time heels, like 3-inch stilettos!!! Needless to say, I’m feeling a little stressed and pressured about this image game, esp bc my skin has been super wonky (exacerbated by all the recent itchiness and flea bite sensitivities), my hair is a mess (I’m growing out part of the shaved head), and I’ve been avoiding dresses and skirts due to the wet and cold. I mean, it’s fine. I’ll just have to figure out my own style, which will probably be more casual than the industry standard but dressier than my current. Yet another thing to deal with on an already lengthy list. Sheesh.

In other news, I met up yesterday with my airplane friend L who was in town for work. He used to be the GM of a healthcare software startup in SF, but he left there and is now the CEO of a software company in the South Bay. That’s great news for me, bc when he flies in, he and his team stay in MV bc that’s where their developers are. No more coordinating meet ups in the city. Anyway, I met him and his colleague who’s from Puerto Rico. In some ways, I feel like L and I are kindred spirits. We have a lot of random similarities. For example, we both share a love and fascination with emotional/ social intelligence, personality types, and leadership skills. He’s teaching two classes part time at Catholic University, and he was lamenting about how people no longer care about written communication… how the students’ writing is shit bc longform is dead. I mean, isn’t that just what I’ve been complaining about? How people don’t want to email anymore bc it’s too time consuming. Texting and social media are all about the shortest, punchiest lines. 

Sadly, I also learned that he put down his 16-y/o dog a week ago. Like Marty, his Pomeranian had kidney disease and he and the wife were doing the homemade meals and supplements and subcutaneous fluids… He’s also devastated by the loss.

In a lighter vein, L also has the Southwest Companion Pass, which I suppose isn’t that surprising considering we met on a Southwest flight to Phoenix three or four years ago. Isn’t it kinda uncanny all the coincidences? I will say, I was very happy to be the person clueing him in about Southwest’s reliatively new direct route from SJC-BWI. For all his flights out to California (his family lives in MD), he’s been suffering through connecting flights just to fly on Southwest. Now his trips will be so much easier. Anyway, it was a good catchup and I expect we’ll see each other more frequently in the future.

Two Decades Later

An interesting thing happened the other day: after my neighbors L and S had us over for their small gathering, I was on the neighborhood social media site searching for the hosts’ email address. Have you been on NextDoor before? It’s kind of like FB but for your ‘hood. Anyway, I went to the Neighbors tab, where all the people who joined NextDoor in my area are listed alphabetically. I came across a name from my childhood: AB. Huh? I actually had a crush on this guy in middle school. His dad was my pediatrician. I thought, hmmm, could it be the same dude? I did a quick search on LinkedIn, and sure enough, this is the guy! Isn’t that crazy? From the same home town, same class even, to all the way across the country, two streets down. Pretty fricking coincidental.

So wth, I emailed him via NextDoor. The next day, he replied and we’re going to meet up in the new year after J and I get back from Frederick. Then I was telling my dad, bc he knows AB’s dad. And I mean, I suppose it’s not THAT surprising that the Bay Area attracts people from all over: dad has two friends whose daughters are also out here– one in SF and one in San Mateo. Anyway, it was kind of a cool thing. I’m trying to be confident and adult about it too, you know? Like the last time I saw AB, we were 18, just graduated from high school and ready for college. And as I’ve mentioned before, I wasn’t exactly the coolest. It’s one of those things, similar to like visiting my parents… I feel like I have to make a conscious effort not to fall into that box of who I used to be. I know, already I’m overthinking it. Welcome to my life.

In other news, my mother pissed me the fuck off yesterday. She made some comment about how Hillary’s behind the whole assertion that the Russians rigged the elections. That she’s being a sore loser. And OMFG, it became clear to me that she supported Trump. I corrected her, saying that there were multiple federal agencies that made the claim… and Jesus Christ, are you seriously ragging on Hillary when the person you support is a clear racist (and you are an immigrant!), misogynist, totally SKETCHY conman with minimal integrity? Puhleeze. Why must she always instigate me in this way? J even thinks my dad voted for Trump bc of the damn taxes. And then I totally lost it. I got off the phone and was FUMING. Seriously, this Trump dude could be your daughter’s boss, harassing her at work, and you’re going to vote for him bc of fucking taxes? I will concede that mom likely voted for Trump bc she’s a woman hater… one of those backstabbing, catty women. My dad? I am not sure but fuck, I hope to God his decisions are NOT solely about money. Ugh. Then J gets on my case, like why are you trying to control other people’s decisions? They are free to choose. Yes, they are but not with this. They supported Bush and Reagan and Bush again. I got over that. But Trump? It is unacceptable. But J just keeps saying it wouldn’t have made a difference and again, I need to work on how I react to shit. Why is it that among all the people I know, I am the ONLY one who is constantly having to control the way I respond to other people. Why aren’t other people controlling their dumbassery so as to not provoke me? Yeah, so clearly my “positive thinking” vow lasted all of like 24 hours.

Meanwhile, every day I am struggling more and more with the Martin decision. Do we leave him in this weakened state where he will possibly lose all mobility under the care of a stranger? Do we euthanize him before he gets to full paralysis. I just don’t know, and I’m so torn about it. He doesn’t seem to be in pain but he’s a dog. Dogs like to walk and smell new scents. Is he still having good quality of life? Would leaving him in the care of another be more for us than for him? I just can’t decide. I feel like he enjoys the company of all people… he has no fears with strangers. But the sitter works full time… argh. His eating and kidneys are stable again but those legs… J did his own WebMD research and thinks Martin has DM, some degenerative spinal condition that has no treatment. Just this morning, we made it to the park but he wasn’t strong enough to wander around like he used to. We just got there and came back. On the way back, a bicyclist slowed down and said, “He sure walks slow for a dog.” Yeah, he’s almost 17, I replied. “Oh, he looks really good for 17.”

Emotionally, I am also trying to control my feelings of anger and resentment. Like I know my parents are going to piss me off and the trip is going to frustrate me to no end. Honestly, I don’t even want to go. And if something happens to Martin while I am gone, there is the potential for some major rage and blame issues. I am trying to be adult about it all, but I’m just saying: my family really does bring out the worst in me and if my mental state is compromised and then I have to deal with bad news about Marty, things could get very ugly. Today I’m feeling again like I’m just not made for this world. Sigh. Where is that positive thinking I was just talking about?

White Party

So turns out the term “white party” is a thing. I had just interpreted it to mean a winter white themed party with regards to decorations, not attire. Ugh. I told you I’m not cool enough for that party shit. I ain’t about that life. Smh.

Party People


Among my recent schmoozing activities, in one evening (last Friday), I attended TWO gatherings: a company Winter Wonderland party sponsored by our office’s top two agents, AND I went out for drinks with ladies in a meetup group called Ditch the Bitch Stigma. Originally, I was going to skip the work party, bc no one I knew was going and I dunno: it felt a little too cool for me.

But then, my diligent side kicked in, and I convinced myself that this job is a continuation and expansion of forcing myself into uncomfortable social situations. I figured, if anything, it was important to “show up,” and in addition to desensitizing me to future awkward social settings, maybe I would get lucky and befriend some agents who’ll let me cover their open houses later down the road. Yes, I’m trying to be smart and strategic, bc well, that’s how the world operates!

So at 5:30p, I show up at the Aloft hotel, where the party started at 5. Immediately, I knew I’d entered the wrong scene. Holy fuck. There’s a DJ, the room is lit up like a Virgin America airplane, and everyone is super decked out in white cocktail attire, like super fancy lace/shimmery dresses. Shit. Mind you, there was NO INFORMATION about attire on the calendar invite. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Thankfully, I actually wore a skirt that day, but I mean, clearly I was like the only one who did NOT get the memo. Fine, whatever. What can be done: I’m already there. So I talk to some lash extension vendor who has a table set up. He gives me some coupons. Then I mosey my way deeper into the lounge. There aren’t a ton of people, but the bar is def backed up. I stand by the bar, awkwardly next to some dude already seated (and NOT in white) for like 5 minutes and the bartender just continues to ignore, helping every other person around. That’s the other thing about these party scenes: only the beautiful people get attention or service. So now I’m feeling even more insecure… and I’m practically hovering over this seated dude at the bar, all up in his personal space bc I want the bartender to see that I’m wanting service. I dunno. It was probably a desperate move bc it’s not like positioning myself closer to the bar moved me up in priority at all. Anyway, then the seated dude says something to me like what is this party that’s happening? I said, it’s some holiday party thrown by our top agents. He asks me if they throw this party every year, and I say I don’t know. I’m new. He wasn’t sure I was part of that party bc I didn’t match the theme… um yeah, dude. I’m a tard and I didn’t get the memo. Anyway, long story short, I start chatting with this guy who is a local tech startup CEO– he comes to this bar often to wait out the traffic. It was fine conversing with him: we had some things in common, like past experiences working in renewable energy and he spent some time in the Mid-Atlantic… he told me about his new startup. He was pleasant, but goddamn, the music was loud, so there was THAT annoyance while having a conversation. We connected on LinkedIn. And I swear the bartender took FOREVER to get to me. So 30 minutes later, I excuse myself bc shit, I’m supposed to be meeting the big dogs at the work party, right? As I moved to the lounge area, all the tables were “reserved.” I walked past clusters of people, and shit, things suddenly felt very cliquish. Ugh!!!!

Thankfully, my managing broker (the surfer dude) showed up a few minutes later, after I just sat down alone in an empty reserved section and crammed snacks into my piehold. The guy M is a pretty interesting guy, with a fascinating background working for MTV and Paramount and shit. In school, he would def be one of the “cool kids,” but fortunately, for me, since he heads up our office, he’s not allowed to be super cliquish. So we chatted for a bit. Then his boss showed up, and I passed along some nice compliments I’d heard from title agents about M’s superb recruitment efforts. In retrospect, maybe it came across brown-nosy. I wasn’t trying to be. That was just the only thing that came to mind when his boss mentioned Matt’s work growing the office. Overall, I didn’t do as much “strategic” schmoozing as I had hoped (meaning: befriending other agents in the office), but M commented that it was good I came. And I think he’s def noticed that I “show up” a lot, like to office trainings and what not. Afterwards, I headed out to attend my meetup group.

So Ditch the Bitch Stigma meetup was not bad! The premise is a gathering of professional women to talk about sexism in the workplace and beyond. The group of 8-10 was really diverse age-wise but not really diverse race-wise. Mostly white. I befriended the lady next to me S who is a financial planner and a lady sitting across– S who works for a telemedicine service. The conversation went well. I found lots in common with these women: the financial planner is a Cali native who recently traveled to my birth city of Baltimore. She is OBSESSED with Groupon; she has two dogs; and she bought land in Washington state and plans to retire/build a container home up there. The telemedicine lady just put in her notice after working for an asshole female boss (Jesus, how many are out there?); she has a very old dog; and she’s starting a new venture related to wine and tourism! Isn’t it crazy how three random strangers can have so much in common? We talked about all sorts of things, but my main takeaway was that I need to think more positively. I mean, sure, that concept is nothing new: it’s all shit I learned years ago in my mental skills training class. But fuck man, I am a worry wart and sometimes I just let my negativity consume me!! Like the smart ones say, it takes the same amount of energy, so why not just be positive for a change. After our conversation, I took the opportunity to connect on LinkedIn, and I followed up sending them info about my animal shelter donation drive, for which I even created a branded flyer (which took me forever to create)! Hey, this is my attempt at self-promotion. Regardless, I think I will continue going to this meetup in the new year!

On Sunday our neighbor two doors down hosted a gathering of people who live at our end of the street. She’s a realtor (looking to retire soon), so their house, purchased in 2015 for $2M looked incredible… it was practically staged!! The party itself was somewhat stilted but overall a pleasant experience. It got me thinking: modern living is so isolating compared to the old days. I mean, so many people living in the same vicinity and we really only know the host and our neighbors with the girl who walks Martin. The neighbors on our other side… the hubby actually was the seller’s agent for our house, but we NEVER EVER see the couple! Isn’t that sad???

But bc of the get together, I’m feeling inspired, so we’ve invited the MIA couple over for wine and cheese on Wednesday night. They want to see the changes we made to the house (most of which occurred ages ago in 2010!!!). Oh and I also met a Chinese couple at the party. Yup, slowly but surely, I’m expanding my circle. 🙂 And of course now I’m plugging my donation drive to these newly-connected neighbors. Haha. Always hustling, baby!

Schmoozer Central

Holy crap, I have been schmoozing like crazy. To be honest, its a rather disappointing and oftentimes deflating experience. I have lists upon lists, categorizing my contacts into different spheres of influence, and I am reconnecting with my circles slowly but methodically. What exactly does this entail?

The thing is, it’s not my style to just send out generic group eblasts, so I’m writing people individually, one by one. Sure, there are some sentences that are copied, like telling people about my new job/career, but most of the messages are catered to what I recall about the recipient and where we last left off. It is a time-ass consuming process.

Recently, one of my big target groups was ProMatch, the networking group I joined before my job at the university. This was a huge network of job seekers meeting multiple times a week for several months to hone job search skills and to brainstorm about professional development. At the time, I did everything I could to help people in the group, esp with connections to various industries or companies. For example, I put engineers in touch with my fuel cell startup colleagues or my engineering friends;  I put environmental people in touch with my hazwaste and environmental engineering crowd. I offered my help willingly bc I believed in this system, so I took the time to first reach out to my contact, ask for his/her permission to connect, and then connect the two people. In Malcolm Gladwell’s world, I’m most naturally a “maven” (researcher) but I worked hard to be a “connector.” And it was difficult for me, bc as an ESTJ, I don’t like to delegate nor ask for help, you know? But that was the process we were taught, and I followed the business/job experts faithfully.

Indeed, ProMatch was an eye-opening experience. I had so many ignored messages but at the same time, I also met some incredibly kind, generous, and gracious people. So I continued to pay things forward by embracing this idea of sharing and helping: I took calls from strangers wanting to learn more about SCU; I met friends of ProMatchers for coffee; I shared website advice, blah, blah. Now, it’s been about 2-3 years since. I lost touch with some ProMatchers, but others, I stayed loosely in contact. So I sent them all an email, seeing what they are up to (I’m genuinely nosy that way), how their current job is going, wondering if they are interested in a ProMatch meetup in 2017. At least six of them, whom I directly introduced to my network and/or met for coffee, have yet to reply. So now I’m a little irked. I mean, really? I understand that relationships are not even Steven trading all the time, but I did go out on a limb to help these people, and now there’s zero reciprocity. J claims that it’s a busy time of year or whatever. Look people: I know you’re busy, but it’s email. It takes a few minutes (if even) to throw the stone farther down the road: I’m really busy but thanks for reaching out. Happy to touch base later… Am I right???

So of course, this is where I have to “control my reaction” bc I “can’t control how other people will respond,” as J always tells me. I swear, I try not to take such things personally. After all, I’m not on top of everything all the time either, right? But shit, I still get frustrated. I hear little voices from J and from my coach telling me that most people have zero follow-through. They aren’t intentionally trying to thwart me. But fuck man. I’m an ESTJ: it’s nearly impossible not to clump all of those explanations into the excuses pile. Do you see the mental conflict? Welcome to my overthinking world.

After a few moments of feeling sorry for myself, I eventually pick up again, reminding myself that relationships are a numbers game. You click with loads of people in this world, but then only a subset will put in the effort to keep the volley going. If people suck at follow through with friends, the stats are surely worse with mere acquaintances!

All of this dredges up shit from my childhood. I was so scrawny and I was practically the only Asian. I went through rejection and bullying and being a social outcast A LOT. I know the drill. But I think it’s still human nature to seek acceptance by others. Even as an adult who exercises much more control over thoughts/actions than a child, there is still some innate desire to be popular and well-liked. At 40, I give less fucks about what other people think, etc… but less fucks is still not zero fucks, you know?

Ah well, the bottom line? I won’t be stopped. People can ignore me and disappoint me. What I’ve given, I’ve already committed. When I’m feeling more optimistic, I may try again in spite of the zippo response. Regardless though, this won’t stop me from exchanging and reaching out to others. Bubs calls me a tugboat for a reason.

The Little Engine that Could

I’m feeling so much better these days. Marty started to come around again late Monday. John and I had been crying on and off since the weekend, and then Monday afternoon we decided to give Marty more subcutaneous fluids since we already had half a bag left. The earlier treatment over the weekend didn’t seem to work its usual magic so we didn’t have any expectations. By Monday evening though, he started making a comeback.

We had been noticing a lot of weird noises when he was eating: big time smacking and then he was somehow flattening and not ingesting the chunks of chicken. Wtf? So John suggested that we purée the food, bc Marty appeared hungry but something was weird with his mouth or teeth. I checked his teeth and everything appeared ok but we tried the pureeing anyway. Whadyaknow? Home boy was famished and slurped it all down. We were still a bit cautious though, so we fed small meals every few hours and monitored to make sure he kept it all down. Now it’s Thursday and he is hobbling back to the park three times a day. Back legs slip out more than before but he is looking good.

I know, I hate to be the kid who cried wolf, but in the end fuck it. We are so happy to have him with us for whatever extra time he can give us. I’m grateful.

In other news, I met with my coach this week. He actually says my DISC results aren’t totally accurate bc my D is not has high as the 99/100 I scored. He is coaching another D and he says if you’re truly a super high D, you tend to bulldoze without thinking things through. My C (careful and analytical) scored low but he says no one with a low C calls references! Haha, I had forgotten about that! Before selecting him and the office, I called his references and current students. Anyway, all this goes to reaffirm what Bubbey has always said, modified from that line from Dirty Dancing: You can’t put baby in a box.

My meeting with the coach went well though, bc it made me see that I’m still holding myself back with my tendencies for over-preparation and analysis paralysis. He stressed that there is only so much I can learn from the videos and books. I gotta get a client and I will learn on the job. Fair enough. I needed that kick in the ass.

So, in response, I’ve attended two association meetings this week and toured a bunch of open houses. I reached out to the loan officer who did our first loan on our houseboat and I’m meeting him for lunch next week. I’m aiming to do a donut drop tomorrow, randomly dropping in on a loan officer at a bank to see if there are opportunities to get on their realtor referral list. And I’m organizing a pet donation drive in my neighborhood for the local shelter, the one that reunited us with Marty after he escaped last winter. It’s a way to serve a need, show gratitude for a service I love, and meet more people in the hood. Three birds one stone, baby. With Marty doing better, I’m feeling reinvigorated.

Not Ready

Today was a very emotionally draining day. Martin has progressively gotten weaker: his hind legs are giving out more often causing him to stumble or fall over, mentally he’s becoming more and more confused, and then today he puked three times even after I gave him his subcutaneous injection. Normally, the subq makes him feel loads better and it brings out his appetite. But I suppose the way kidney disease works, the body eventually just can’t process protein and even with the additional fluids flushing out the system, it’s not enough. In late afternoon, John and I started getting ready for a friend’s holiday party in SF. Right as we were about to go, that’s when he puked three times in a row. And then Martin was super weak. I decided to stay home with him, and then I proceeded to cry my eyes out as he slept. In the last few weeks, a few people have asked me when I’m going to make the decision. Perhaps that was their subtle way of telling me they think it’s time? This whole while I’ve been feeling tired and ready for this to be over, and yet once it really felt imminent, I pretty much lost it. And I realized that I will never ever be ready, no matter how exhausted I feel from the caretaking. John says we’ll see how tomorrow goes, but today he was def out of sorts, although there are still moments when he tracks me, watching and following me around the house. I’m feeling esp stressed with the upcoming holidays. Personally, I hate the holidays: it’s just too much family time and now I worry about leaving Martin in his state. It’s just a lot of mental stress.

I know all the angles: we gave him a great life, a very long life… but still. Argh, it really is the hardest part of pet ownership. Oh god, just thinking about the process and how difficult it was with Remy, lying there in the exam room… the heartbreak is unbearable, no matter how much I try to rationalize or explain or self soothe.

I have a busy week ahead for work. I feel behind, now being four weeks in. Last week, I attended some association meetings and shit, there are so many economic/political/global trends to follow. Like with Trump, what are the implications should his tax plans go through, i.e., changes to income tax, capital gains, tax deductions, repeal of the estate tax, changes in interest rates… fuck man, all those metrics that my father tracks, I will now have to know for my work. I’m ok with learning it all and with gaining a better understanding of how all of this is interconnected but it’s still overwhelming. 

Meanwhile, I’ve been reaching out to a lot of people from my past, and some people have responded promptly, others who knows if they will even reply. One friend is actually looking to buy a house right now, but they just signed on with another agent. I know it’s a slow process of building the pipeline, but already I’m worried (bc I’m impatient).

I had lunch with my friend J the other day. She’s the sassy older lady who’s always doing something fun. Yup, she is headed to Mexico with her daughter’s family for Christmas. She was very encouraging about my career in real estate. Maybe she’ll know people. I told her about that Linkages time bank program, and she was thrilled by the idea.

Yesterday afternoon John and I went to the Santa Clara County historic homes tour… a wonderful idea but a little rough in its execution. Of course, I enjoy touring homes. That said, I’ve never really been a fan of old things. You know how some people, like my MIL, really cherish the quality and the craftsmanship of things from the past. So this tour was all about retaining original features and showcasing pieces and artifacts from way long ago. It looked pretty cool and I appreciated that the homeowners share that passion, but for John and me, we’re much more of the looks good but is cheap and replaceable mentally. I know, totally not environmental but I guess I feel like you have to be too careful around old antiquey things. Anyway, it’s interesting to see the lengths people go to in order to preserve and restore the old. The best thing about the tour: I visited the home of a former coworker and it was an absolutely adorable and charming California bungalow. We caught up for a while and it was so nice reconnecting. Her kid, who was 2 when I last saw him, is now 5!! I enjoyed touring their home. John commented that I always feel happy when I see my friends, family, and acquaintances living comfortably. I guess that’s really true. I mean, the world can be a tough and unforgiving place, so seeing people I know doing well gives me great comfort.

Anyway, I’m suddenly very tired. My face is swollen from all the crying about Marty. Going to hit the sack early and try to start fresh tomorrow.

New People

These final days of November, I am pulling out all the stops. I have been reaching out to all kinds of people from my past to re-establish connections. It’s kinda funny, bc I’m perpetually curious about what other people are up to and now I kind of have a reason to re-engage. 

I’ve also been attending more trainings for work… I’ve taken four more sessions and it’s only Wednesday. I’m learning tons though: the software and databases are so freaking powerful and despite the tendency for overwhelm, it’s kind of empowering to have access to so much information. Technology, man. That is some powerful shit. SMH. Btw I’ve befriended one of the corporate trainers… he’s really good and well, I’m pretty stoked about learning from people who know their shit.

On Tuesday night, I got my ass back to the board gamers meetup. Honestly, I just wanted to give it another try and Bubbey was supposed to go with. I thought it would be a fun joint activity. Well earlier in the day the cable guy came out… as you know, our service has been wonky lately. John, being the hermit that he is, insisted that the problem went away and we ought to cancel the service appointment, but hello, when I provided the error code to the phone rep, he said a tech needed to come out. So I refused to cancel the apppointment. Well, turns out our cable running outside over the roof was an indoor cable that ended up cracking from exposure to the elements, and water leaked into the line. Mind you, when we signed on for cable six year ago, the rep used the wrong cable… so whatever. Yesterday the guy replaced the line and now we’re good to go. It’s pretty annoying though that I have to fight John on stupid things like that. I mean, I hardly even watch tv and I wouldn’t even order cable tv if I lived solo, yet whenever something acts up or the service blips out, I’m the one calling tech support and dealing with troubleshooting. And then bc Comcast was so busy, they couldn’t even come out the next day… and still John wanted me to cancel the appointment bc he didn’t feel like dealing with a person? So stupid. Don’t complain then the next time service cuts out.

Anyway, so bc of that and whatever else he did on Tuesday, Bubs backed out of the game meetup, and I went solo. Whatever. I recognized the same three people I played with last week and joined one of them who was playing with a new  group. Some Japanese card game, which was even more confusing than the Pharoah game. After the Japanese card game, I asked my former group if they wanted to play the pharaoh game again, bc I wanted to repeat and have the rules sink in. Up until then, the Asperger fro guy was alone learning a new board game. I went over and asked if he wanted to play the pharaoh game again and he jumped at the chance. So he was kind enough to set up the board, which actually takes some time. This was my third time playing ever, so me and the old dude kept messing up, meaning we either forgot what the symbol meant or we did something that we weren’t allowed to do… Fro dude started getting frustrated and at one point he began rocking in his seat. The rest of us were just trying to learn from one another and have fun with it… needless to say, after the game ended, me and the old dude (the third guy figured out the game last time already!) got chastised. Seriously. “Next time, I’m NOT going to answer question and explain things to you anymore. I had to repeat myself over and over again, and it’s extremely frustrating playing a game with people who keep making so many mistakes. You will have to read the rules yourself if you want to play again next time.” Ouch.

I mean, fair enough. I didn’t read the rules, bc I’m slow with learning games by reading, and I’m also too lazy to read. But shit, why are you taking this so seriously? The old dude and I responded by thanking him again for all his patience and for showing us the ropes, and honestly, I though it was kind of humorous at the time. But after I got home, I was kind of annoyed. I mean, heck, I could have just let him sit there by himself without even playing with any people. Or I could say it’s frustrating to play with someone who starts rocking, while others are still learning… whatever. Afterwards, walking out to my car, I spoke for a few minutes to the quick learner guy. He suggested that maybe next time we can play my word games like Taboo. We don’t have to play the strategy games. He seemed really nice… a software engineer who moved here from Turkey last year. The thing is, I kinda like this idea of meeting regularly for a hobby. It kinda appeals to the routine/scheduling side of me. I will go back next week and take my games.

Doubts and Deals

Gosh, I can’t believe Thanksgiving has already come and gone. And I know, I’ve been slacking big time on blogging. What can I say: every damn day is packed and the hours just slip away! So for Turkey Day, we were invited to S’s place. She was hosting Friendsgiving. Since she’s pescatarian, J and I did a little pre-emptive turkey. I told J to just forget about it this year, but he knows how much I love my turkey (and cooking it in the NuWave), so he went out and got a 16-pounder. All I did was stuff it with veggies and sprinkle on top with olive oil, salt, pepper, and paprika. Time >> 1:40 >> Start. Flip. Repeat. And OMFG, that bird came out to perfection. I’m telling you! Then, I watched YouTube and carved that sucker up. Easy, breezy, and fucking delicious.

As things turned out, S’s neighbors made prime rib AND turkey, so we were pretty set the very next day. I’ve fallen off the damn gym wagon (again) and my waistline is quickly expanding. Fuck man, too many issues on too many fronts. But those are all troubles for another day, right? On Thanksgiving, we feasted. S also bought a Trump pinata… Unfortunately, we had to get home to Marty and didn’t stay for the Trump beatdown. Meanwhile, S was taking work calls like every 30 minutes, working in retail and with Black Friday being one of the biggest shopping times of the year. That lady: so dedicated. I was surprised to learn that she’s starting to ease up on the vegetarianism… mostly bc her doctor says she’s not getting enough nutrition. She even had a slice of turkey. I’m all for the animal cruelty angle, after all, I was veggie myself for six years but man, when you start getting health/sickness issues and esp given how much she has to travel for work, something’s gotta give. You can always source local/organic and reduce the portion… Overall, it was a lovely Thanksgiving gathering. As usual though, I was freezing my ass off bc well, SF. SF is a city where, even indoors, people bundle up in coats. I always forget.

Marty has been slowly getting better, although the last few nights, either I took the diaper off too soon or it came off… and he shit in the house. Sometimes too after he awakes from a nap, he’ll shit getting up to stretch his legs. I know, he doesn’t have the muscle/organ control he used to. Still, I swear I am THE worst person for special needs. I get so damn frustrated and impatient. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

In other news, I’ve still been going full throttle with work. I just want all my software and systems all set up, you know? And then I’ve been reading things and I swear, every damn night, I get this bout of anxiety. J says it always strikes at the 10 o’clock hour, where I’m suddenly overcome with doubt. Can I do this? How am I going to make the ask? How am I going to get business? When I read the scripts, they feel so. damn. forward. Like pushy. I know I have to make the ask, but… and so the cycle kicks off again. Will I ever achieve professional success? Will I ever be good at anything? Blah, blah, blah.

Thankfully, J helped clarify some things for me. Initially, I was a bit confused, bc my coach was really pushing the ask. But the office CEO/managing broker was telling me to network and plant seeds and NOT be obnoxious. I was having trouble reconciling the two, and then J explained it like this: with vendors and service providers (say, lenders or insurance agents), be aggressive and make the ask. With people you know, your inner circle, your personal network, you can be more subtle, like tell people you’re in real estate and WHAT THAT MEANS (like you can help with buying, selling, RENTING, even handle out-of-your-area referrals), but you don’t have to be so forward. Ah, ok. That makes more sense. I felt better.

So I’ve started going through my network, you know, cutting out people who probably don’t remember me and then categorizing the remaining people based on how we are connected. And then I’ve started crafting messages today based on that relationship: it takes time bc I’m not really using the scripts provided by my coach… Slowly and surely, I have to believe the work will come.

Meanwhile, I’m building my self awareness, reading about business strategies, doing technical trainings, and then filling my calendar with all sorts of networking opps. Tomorrow is the Board Game Night… same one as last week but J is joining. Frankly, I want to play the new game I learned again and then I want to try the networking angle.. this group is kinda like a test bed for me. No harm done if it doesn’t work out, but it’s good practice AND I also realized that a lot of these gamers are software people so actually, that’s within my realm of potential clients.

I was thinking the other night about “finding my tribe,” as the broker described it. Obviously, just like in the wider world, not everyone is going to jive with my personality or my style. I need to just go through lots of people, quickly cess out whether or not there’s potential (kinda like dating, I imagine), and then just focus on the shortlist. So I started analyzing my group of friends. Are there patterns or similarities among them? At first, I was thinking they are unconventional– like they do things their own way. But that was actually way off. A lot of my friends don’t really have the defiance issues I have with workplaces, leaders, and with society… So I was thinking and thinking and discussing with Bubs, and of course, world class EQ dude came up with the pattern: I get along well with people who like to research things. And it’s so true!!! I went through a lot of my friends and indeed, they like to research shit, be it recipes, restaurants, travel places, ballot propositions, tax/investment laws or secrets, products, politics, deals, historical events and legal cases, etc. So maybe that sheds light on the type of clients I might mesh well with? I dunno, really. Anyway, it’s one data point I suppose. And kinda interesting to me.

I’ve also been actively trying to hone my negotiation skills. Obviously, people want a realtor who can advocate for them in every possible way. In recent weeks, our Comcast cable and internet service has been extremely unreliable and shoddy. All over my neighborhood list, people were griping about it. People said they called and got $10-20 discounts. Last night, our cable went out again so I decided to call AGAIN. The matter still isn’t fixed— the tech is coming on site tomorrow BUT I did manage to get a $40 discount plus free Showtime for three months. Originally, the dude offered me $10 plus Showtime. Um, this is the second time I’m calling about shit service. The first time, the account billing person never even called me back. If my monthly bill is $140 and I’ve had at last a week of wonky service, $10 hardly covers the disruption. Homeboy tried to say the outage was only two days. I was like, is your company keeping records on its performance and tracking when service is actually out? Bc all over my neighborhood list, people say the outage is MORE than just a few days– like on the order of a week. That’s the thing I’ve learned. You gotta push back, bc people will try to get away with as much as they can.

Meanwhile, on the eBay front, I’ve been scoring some deals. Hee, hee. The secret is to filter for items where sellers have multiple quantity AND they post a list price OBO. I find that if I buy more than one and they have multiple in stock, sellers are generally more interested in clearing inventory than in getting optimal price per item.

Ok well, enough with my ramblings today. Obviously, my brain is filled with shit that’s all over the place. I’m going to try and hit the gym now. If anything, I gotta warm up in the sauna and take a shower. 😉 Ha!

The Gamers

As you know, I joined a board gamers meetup group this week. As it turned out, they had a gathering in Mountain View the very next day, so I went. The venue was a place called GameKastle… the former Daiso location inside a strip mall shopping center very close to my home. Let’s just say, I turned up and immediately, I knew this was not the crowd I was expecting.

So here’s the thing about me. I have this bizarre naivete aka lack of pop culture awareness. In my head when I joined a board game group, I was picturing like my friends and people who came to the Game Nights that I used to host– and I was expecting to play games like UNO, Taboo, or Cranium. Maybe like Scrabble or Pictionary. Nope, I was waaaaay off.

The venue, while a very cool idea, was cold… a huge space with just blue walls. The left side of the store had games for sale and on the right side, the place was set up with a bunch of long tables, like a cafeteria or a hackathon. Separating the two areas was long shelves of games.

Of course I showed up at the start of the meetup, punctually at 6pm. There were only a handful of people there, and well, they were all dudes and they were like Dungeons & Dragons type dudes. Throughout the store on the walls were plastered banners of fantasy art and looking at the games these guys brought, I had never even heard of them before. Um, hello. Total intimidation. Great.

So then I headed over to the shelves and shelves of games. There was maybe one pack of dominoes and other than that, NOTHING recognizable to me. Absolutely zippo. Oh shit, what the fuck am I gonna do for like four hours???

An Asian dude walked in and I started asking him some questions, explaining it was my first time at this meetup. When I mentioned the kind of games I wanted to play, he kinda said, yeah those games are pretty light. We focus on strategy games. The thing is, I like games, but I’m a slow learner and even though I have no issue reading directions/instructions on how to assemble furniture or set up computers, I HATE reading game instructions. For some reason, games are something I absorb better being taught in person… so I stood there by the games, with my stress levels going up. Would these hardcore gamers be keen on a newbie joining at their table? Do I pick a random game and try to figure it out myself? Argh!!! Honestly, I almost went home, but something inside told me to try harder.

So I went up to a random table (there were three groups set up by now) with three geeky guys– one dude was young, had a crazy white dude fro, glasses, and a big Google badge around his neck. The other two were guys in their 50s. The game was Favor the Pharaoh and the setup looked super complicated with a gabillion dice, cards, tokens, plus cutout pyramids. Oh god. So I pulled up a chair and offered to just observe as it appeared fro dude was already explaining the rules… he was the only one familiar with the game. Well a minute later, one of the older gents gets up and offers me his spot. Um, what? No, I just want to watch. But he doesn’t want to play. He wants to play the Mars game at the next table. So now Fro dude is irritated and he’s kinda Aspergery… he asks impatiently, do you want to play or not. Ok, sure. I’ll try it out.

So I mean, he was very nice with having to start over and explain the different aspects of the game. Honestly, my head started to hurt and I seriously felt like I was in over my head. But shit man, I was already there… no choice but to continue. Let me just say: it was a humbling experience. Why? Bc I’m retarded about certain things. Like seriously, a dumb dumb. Anything that involves strategy/theory, my brain just cannot grasp. I mean, even in Seattle, when we played games with G&J. We played three new games, and I was the ONLY one of the group who played each round super slowly and I often had to ask them to re-explain a rule that they had just read. I mean, it’s ok. I know everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but I dunno: sometimes, I still can’t help but feel a little vulnerable or inadequate or not good enough…

But whatever. I’m playing games in a social setting and I just have to get over myself, you know? Try my best and suck it up and just go with the flow even if I’m slowing it down… So I thought back to Seattle. This scenario was a bit different bc I was with strangers and who knows what tolerance they have for slow-bos… I just tried my best to get through each of my turns. At some point, another older gent showed up and just observed. He had never played this game before but holy shit, homeboy like picked up on it immediately. To the point where he was coaching me and the other dude on what to do. And this game involved all kinds of like strategy and manipulation: basically, you roll a bunch of dice and then you try to earn cards based on your dice combination: triple, two doubles, whatever. In turn, the cards give you powers to manipulate your dice or roll more dice in subsequent turns. The end goal is to get 7 of a kind. So based on the cards you have, there are a bunch of different combos you can apply to optimize your hand. So this new dude shows up and immediately within like 3 sec of me rolling my dice, has already figured out the optimal approach. Anyway, we finish the first game and the host wins. The second game, the new guy joins and he gives the host a run for his money.

By the end of the second game, the new guy was basically like, these are the best tactics for this game: optimize your tokens early on, earn cards that give you extra dice, and then use your extra rolls sooner than later… Seriously, he had the whole thing figured out in what felt like a matter of minutes. Meanwhile, the host was like, so do you guys think you understand how to play now? Bc I felt like I had to keep explaining the same things over and over again…

I mean, the game was super complicated, I said. But he corrected me, saying, “Actually, this game is one of the more simplistic ones here…” Oh diss! What could I do but chuckle, right? I mean, when you’re in the presence of someone way smarter, you just have to concede. But shit, his comment made me think of how I interact with my mother, you know? She gets so confused. Then you have to explain shit over and over again… the experience was an interesting role reversal. He then asked us what games we typically play. I named my usual and basically, all of them laughed in my face. I mean, in my defense, maybe the meetup shouldn’t be called a board game meetup, bc are my games NOT considered board games? WTF? If you only do strategy games, then I think that’s how you should market yourself! Whatever. I’m not going to be shamed for liking my games.

Obviously, from the networking perspective, this event was a dud. I mean, we hardly even introduced ourselves until the very end. SMH. That said, I’m going to go to one more of these board gaming sessions and bring Bubbey. It has the potential to be a fun shared activity… and maybe having to learn new games every time will build my mental muscles. 🙂 As for the other meetups, I found another board gamers one where the participants appear more diverse and fuddyduddy: they also incorporate bowling and potlucks and other activities. I was also very excited to find a rollerblading one, a ukulele one, and a skateboarding for adults (!!!) one. We’ll see how they all check out. Hee, hee. Now I’ve opened a can of worms!