Category Archives: Vanity

Banner Year for Work

It’s been another long stretch… As much as I love and miss blogging, it’s been a challenge sitting down to get my thoughts down. The biggest hurdle these days? I’m rusty with my writing. When I used to blog regularly, I would go through my days, jotting down notes and ideas for later blog posts. It’s as if my brain at that time was super nimble: it gathered experiences and held on to details with the intention of revisiting them for a story or processing them very quickly soon after. What can I say, I’m totally out of the flow these days. And well, I’m now a “woman of a certain age,” as my friend P likes to say.

The good news is, I’m having a banner year at work. And don’t get your hopes up or anything. I am still very much the same person. No monster revelations or breakthroughs, i.e. nothing has changed all this time while the blog has been silent regarding my value system: I remain and forever am a workaholic. You probably are NOT surprised. I probably would have wanted some improvements/changes given the years of therapy, all the self-help reading I do, plus just ageing over time. But nope. I continue to define my value and my worth through achievement/work. Work is my purpose and my identity. And now that business is FINALLY strong, I can’t deny the feeling of pride and sense of accomplishment. Indeed, the success fuels my tank like nothing else. It really sparks an old flame inside me. In my glory days, I was the best, and goddamn, I missed that feeling… as far back and as deeply buried as it was.

Tbh, there were two eras that I considered “glory days.” First was high school when I juggled a gazillion extracurricular activities and I was “on track” for achievement and success in life. My second “glory days” era was probably when I worked at the government environmental agency. After a series of shit jobs, this place was paradise. Great compensation, low stress, camaraderie, strong mission, short commute… I was in my heydey “work hard, play hard” mode. I was fit, athletic, relatively stylish, my skin was under control, J and I bought a house, we had our pups, we traveled. Of course, things later changed, and then I was disgruntled, our marriage was on the rocks… Goddamn the shift happened fast.

Anyway, back to present day. Yes, this is a record year for me. That said, we are in Silicon Valley, and I remain a very small potato. Like half of a fingerling. Just a nub of a small potato. Seriously. But if I compare me with only myself (apparently, that’s what I’m supposed to do), I am still pleased. I’ve worked really hard in real estate these past nine years, and it’s nice to feel the confidence that comes with competency, skills development, and quite simply, seasoned time in the saddle.

The other positive shift about this year has been my clientele. All of my deals this year have been either past clients or new biz referred by past clients/good friends. It has definitely been a game changer over my usual client mix, which used to include a lot of randos– people who responded to an online ad or came through an open house. While I’ve handled those deals fine, the level of trust upfront totally creates a different relationship and dynamic. It’s no longer people trusting their friends/colleagues/internet advice over that of me, their agent. When I’m introduced by referral, there is an immediate acknowledgement that I am an expert and that I have experience/guidance that matters.

This dynamic has been instrumental in reducing stress/frustration. Don’t get me wrong: there are still very challenging and stressful days, but the intensity is a step or two lower, thank goodness. And somehow this year, the clients are also more my type and my speed. Like they are my tribe in terms of how they process information, how they communicate, and how they get shit done. OMG, it’s an amazing feeling when there’s a synchronization. I cannot appreciate it enough!

Outside of my work obsession, next is of course Benny. Well, it’s been a lot of ups and downs with Benny. But right now, he is on the upswing and looking good. I still brush him daily (and vacuum daily). I joke to everyone that I spend all my money on Benny and my skin. Yup, he’s our boat and I’m just thrilled to have landed on a relatively simple program now that works for him.

As for my face, I completed a course of Accutane in August 2024 and despite lingering side effects with my vision/dry eyes, it was worth it and I am grateful to finally have clear skin again (Only a few short stints of clear skin in the past THREE DECADES of battling bullshit cystic acne!). For now, all is good. I’m in the process of tweaking my skincare routine with topicals/at home products to target crows feet and crepey eyelids, but I consider the skin stuff a “hobby” that falls under my “internet research” umbrella. Dog care, skin care, house hacks. Shrug.

In other news, Bubbey is continuing with his “semi-retirement” status. His cooking has ratcheted up to a super high caliber. I mean, the breadth of cuisines plus how fast he can whip shit together. It is nothing short of amazing. Many of my friends do not have spouses as skilled in the kitchen, so I try not to brag. But shit, his meals taste way better than eating out.

Skills mastery, I tell you! He like goes to the library and comes back with a stack of books and new recipes to try for the week. My home life feels incredibly indulgent in that sense.

And it’s been a real blessing being able to go for walks together, eat lunch, spend time. Bubs is also continuing with his leather work and laser etcher and 3D printing. Sometimes he creates key chains, placards, bags that I can use for work. I feel like we’re in a good phase where he’s got several hobbies and we’re overall both in a good headspace– able to focus on our individual things but also have the overlap in schedules to do activities together. Yes, everything in the outside world continues to be in turmoil, but I feel very lucky to have a safe and comfortable home with my Bubs and Benny.

Tane Rage

At the end of last year, my cystic acne– for which I have dealt since my late teens– was resurging. It was no where near the severity of my younger years (full face of hard boils and nodes) but in many ways, it had the same damn resistance. I was back to getting facials and taking strong antibiotics on top of already being on BCP and spironolactone… In mid-December, my primary care physician (whom I love) was out of ideas, so she suggested we connect with a dermatologist. After I rattled off my list of past treatments, the derm immediately said that I was a case for Accutane. There is nothing else for this degree of stubborn-ass cystic, hormonal acne.

First question: why are my hormones so fucked up? I mean, does this explain my overall unruliness and “aggressive” attitude/behavior? My mother always claimed that I wasn’t a “natural” woman… maybe we can blame my issues on my hormones? Hmm, why haven’t I been measuring my hormone levels my whole life?

Just some wandering thoughts. Regardless, I’ve been on BCPs my whole life, so shouldn’t my hormones actually be controlled and stable? I dunno. If you’re curious, here’s my list of my past meds and treatments: clindamycin, minocin, tetracycline, erythromycin, augmentin, doxycyline, Retin-A, sprionolactone, benzoyl peroxide, IPL, dermarolling, light masks, chemical peels…

So I jumped through a gabillion hoops to join the mandatory Accutane iPledge program and get on the damn med. After my initial discussion in December, I finally started my course in February. Now, two months later, I’m having a helluva time with symptoms. Granted, I had taken the Tane in my 20s while we were overseas in China. There, this shit is OTC. I don’t recall any side effects other than dry skin and chapped lips. Then again, I could not contain my absolute elation about having clear skin.

This time though, I’m experiencing all kinds of issues: dry skin, cracked lips, skin rashes/hives, dry eyes, twitching eye, undereye circles, headaches, joint pain, jaw pain, muscle aches, and now with my bloodwork, I apparently have increased triglycerides, cholesterol, and A1C. Plus John insists that I have “Tane rage.” So yeah. Meanwhile, I had already cut down on carbs/rice/breads (lost 6 lbs) for my pre-diabetes and eliminated alcohol completely. And I just am not feeling comfortable in my body.

I explained this to the dermatology nurse who sent the message up the chain. Basically, the response was: if I am still functioning for work, NBD. Continue on the path. Not even a discussion on whether we can decrease the dose or shorten the treatment course. I am def vain enough to admit: I will endure pain for clear skin. Dry skin, crapped lips, even some occasional joint/muscle pain. But add now daily headaches, daily joint/muscle pain, fucking undereye bags??? Now I’m re-evaluating. Especially bc it was just the cystic acne on my chin. I can’t help but think about all the famous people (e.g. Kanye West’s mom, Linda Evangelista) who underwent some seemingly simple procedure for a “glow up,” and all of the sudden, they’re dead or something goes irreversibly wrong. Will I be one of those people? Did I conduct enough due diligence to understand the risks?

My childhood friend Nathalie died earlier this month– on the day of the eclipse, actually. She died from uterine cancer. Before the cancer, she struggled her entire damn life fighting obesity and mental health challenges. It was decades of a roller-coaster ride. She tried to lose weight all this time, and now she’s dead. Just as Ozempic has gone mainstream. It really could have changed her life. Who knows, maybe like Accutane there are a shit ton of side effects. I dunno, maybe that’s just me viewing everything through a black and white lens.

Sickness Prone

Oh shit, I forgot to tell you that the household had a recent bout with norovirus. Well, I don’t know if that’s a medically accurate statement, but let’s just say, last month, Bubbey had many days of upset tummy and sick poopies. Yes, that’s the technical term. This went on for days and then he flew back East to do his mom’s taxes. I went about my merry way until a day later, I got the runs! I mean, I had multiple delicious meals in a row– and no one at work seemed to suffer any negative impact. But goddammit, I had to cancel an open house and then I was holed up in bed for 2-3 days. At the time, I had Buster over too, and the dogs were like WTF is happening? This person is the lamest, laziest person ever!!! And of course, as my track record would attest, every damn time I felt a little bit better, I would push it too far and fall back into a nauseous mess. This went on for like an entire week. I’m telling you. My dad was calling on the daily trying to get a medical update, like fever stats, stool description, meds, everything. Jesus, dad. I’m gonna just ride it out. I’m not taking fucking notes for you on this.

Eventually, it seems my Achilles heel was my impatience (big surprise). I mean, as soon as I felt any tiny bit of normalcy, I went back to eating shit: dairy, cheese, spicy… yeah, I didn’t follow the BRAT diet. at all. I mean, in my defense, some sites did say the BRAT was too strict, but yes, I agree. Surely, that didn’t mean I should eat a bag of potato chips and down it with ice cream and soda. What can I say, it was many moments of weakness, and I was famished. Desperate times, desperate measures.

Around the same time, when I checked in with Bubs in Maryland, his mom ALSO got nauseous and sick! Was it something about Bubbey and his food prep/handling methods? I don’t want to be accusatory bc after all, he is literally the hand that cooks all my meals and feeds me, but…. I’m just saying. I suppose anecdotally, something did seem to be going around nationwide, no?

I’m just glad that the worst is over. I’ve been food-poisoning free for the last week, and life is good. Now if only I could be well the majority of my days in 2018, that would be freaking fabulous. Is that really so much to fucking ask?

Btw, dealio updates. I’m replacing those wonky JLab bluetooth earbuds with the Apple Airpods. John kept telling me Apple shit doesn’t go on sale and the pricing is all the same everywhere, so I bought them from the Apple store. Then what happens? A few days later, I’m scrolling through my Slickdeals phone app (yes, they have one!) and whadya know? $20 cheaper through Costco. Fucker! I’m telling you, can’t trust anything that boy says, esp when it comes to pricing. Thanks to my credit card extended warranty, I’m going to get reimbursed for the broken earbuds, so I’ll be getting these babies for a discount. I really didn’t think the wired earbuds would bother me much, but turns out, that shit does get tangled A LOT, esp when I’m fumbling with them in the car. And considering how often I am now on the phone, I’m going to give this new technology a try and see if it changes my life.

In other news, now that I am out of the sickness woods, I am turning my attention back to personal care. My skin has been doing great lately. I trimmed back the k-beauty regimen and I’m really trying to get more sleep… so far, so good. That said, I was disappointed to realize I still have a ways to go in terms of being more polished and presentable in public. Turns out, I am guilty of nearly ALL the “mistakes” that make a person look messy. Sure, I have decent self awareness, so I had a hunch it was bad. Just didn’t realize it was like 17/20 bad. Sigh. Work in progress.

The Feet Tell It All

So I treated myself to a pedicure today. I haven’t gotten one in a salon in probably a year. It’s one of those things, like getting my hair cut: whenever I think to do it, it’s in the middle of the night and the salons are closed. When the places are open, I don’t have a reservation and can’t be bothered to wait. I know, I’m that self important, right?

My job entails a lot of taking my shoes on and off, entering staged homes, decrepit homes, and everything in between. I really try to keep my toes somewhat presentable but some days, it’s just all about good enough. That means, yes, oftentimes I just repaint over my existing polish. So today the nail tech is like removing the old polish, and she’s uncovering multiple layers of old polish beneath bc they are all different colors… SMH. I know, it’s embarrassing. Hey though, be glad I’m not using Sharpie markers like I did before.

I started my session ordering the basic pedi. But bc I wear shoes without socks, my heels are literally rough and scratchy with flaking skin. I know, pretty darn nasty. The lady suggested callous removal. Her comment didn’t shame me or anything, but I quickly agreed to upgrade to a spa pedi. I mean, either she cleans me up or I gotta go home and put the foot filer gadget to that scratch pad, and at this point, just get ‘er done.

The thing is, my feet are like the canary in the coal mine. They are an indicator for something far worse. For example, in the last several months, my skin had continued on its rampage to hell, with humongous boils throbbing on my chin. That k-beauty stuff, as much as I had placed my faith into it, was not helping. I mean, yes, they softened the cheeks but it was fucking Mt. Fuji everywhere else on my face! I dunno what I was expecting: I had been eating a bunch of fried foods and frozen foods; I wasn’t getting any sleep; I was skipping meals left and right… I mean, I was basically neglecting and abusing my body (for MONTHS/years) and already, it wasn’t a strong system to start with…

After I went into contract on this latest real estate deal and the deposit went into escrow, my body finally crashed. I got a few days’ worth of sleep. And the damn boils finally started calming the fuck down. John and I have also recently started drinking a breakfast probiotic shake, something I’d read about via a fashion blogger I follow… it’s crazy but as soon as we started on the program, John’s has gone to the gym every damn day. And we seem to feel better. I even went back to the hot yoga studio, for the first time in probably two years. I mean, I dunno if probiotics get all the credit on that one. Like I always say, “nothing like an expiring Groupon to kick my ass into gear.” Haha.

In other news, Bentley seems to be settling in. I think the pheromone room plug-in that my friend suggested is helping him feel safe and more confident. He is also eating more regularly. Strangely enough, I don’t think he’ll ever be one of those dogs who scarfs down his food, (WTF?!?!?), but he is showing improvement. We are taking him on a road trip to Santa Barbara later this month before he has to get neutered. Fingers crossed that he’ll do ok going into a clinic environment again. Honestly, I’m a bit worried about it, and John has already suggested NOT getting him neutered at all but… this shit’s happening.

Vanity Updates

You know how I follow all those makeup and style bloggers on Instagram? After having battled shit skin and acne for so long, I really developed an appreciation for the magic of makeup and style.

Sure, these are frivolous things, but they have such impact on my confidence and psyche. Plus it’s great to have an outlet where I can play out my research heavy tendencies.

So remember how I as totally ready to buy the skincare set from that Mormon makeup blogger? Well I decided last minute to purchase Korean beauty products from a Korean skincare blog/site I’ve been following… I suppose it’s kind of a shout out to my fellow Asian entrepreneurs. The K beauty system is way more complex and involved than the 3 step tres leches, but I’d been wanting to try it. So I got a few products and have been incorporating them into my routine. Holy shit, there are a ton of steps. Since I already have some products that I like (e.g. cleanser and toner), I didn’t buy the whole set. I just added on to what I have. John hates when I do this, bc he says I have to commit to the whole system the way it was designed but what can I say, I like to pick and choose. Plus, I’m not falling for the marketing influence. So now I’m a week or two in, and the blemishes have become less inflamed but they are still very prevalent and visible and disruptive. That said, the rest of my skin is pretty damn soft. Even Bubbey has remarked. Thankfully, my makeup does an amaze balls job of covering up my red spots so I am just trying to stay the course to the next level.

I am also making more of a concerted effort these days with shopping my closet. It makes me feel like all my purchases are getting their fair share of play. I’m grateful for all the ideas and inspo on Pinterest. Love seeing new color and pattern combos, and it’s so much easier to see it already laid out rather than to mix and match myself. Streamlining the process, baby!

Snow White and the Huntsman

My skin is kinda all over the place these days. Cysts, peeling, dryness, enlarged pores…. and I’ve been getting sucked into a bunch of different products. It really is the endless search for the magic potion. Among the new products, I recently turned to snail cream, a Korean import. Yes, the Korean women are famous for their gabillion-step skincare routine. I happen to think more than anything it is the climate up north… they don’t have to suffer through the heat and humidity that women do in Taiwan. I mean, sure I’m living in the temperate climate of Northern California, so I dunno what my excuse is for shit skin. No sleep and mental stress I suppose. So anyway I finally decided to give snail cream a try. I had been holding off bc well, that shit is made from the mucin of snails. That just seemed so inhumane and gratuitous, you know? I mean, I suppose every time I consume meat, I am playing god and positioning myself above other creatures, not to mention pulling the power card. I certainly feel more akin to warm-blooded mammals than I do to mollusks but I dunno there was just something disturbing about the thought of snail farms where swaths of snails were exposed to stress so they can produce the mucous that then gets harvested for my skin cream. It always reminds of me of that movie with Charlize Theron and Kristin Stewart. Charlize plays the evil queen who, in order to maintain her beauty has to consume the hearts of young princesses. For some reason, my snail cream makes me feel like the queen.

But shit man my skin needs major help. So the poor snails. Supposedly they are raised specifically for this purpose. And they aren’tkilled, they just feel like they are going to die. Ah, the things we tell ourselves to rationalize our behavior. What can I say. I’m a vain beotch and I only got a few more years left to have non-crepey skin. Sorry snails. My time is now.

Meanwhile what’s the verdict on this blood sauce? I’m not sure it helps with my acne. It does seem to help the non t-zone areas of my face. But my nose and chin are still problematic. So maybe my stint is short lived. Onto the next torture cream!

Toughening Up

At the start of this month, I vowed to mentally toughen up. Frankly, I was tired of thwarting myself with disparaging thoughts and self-imposed impediments. I saw how so many other agents made progress, not necessarily by having greater knowledge or more experience, but simply by being bold(er).

So, I revisited some old leads. I contacted John’s former coworker, whom I’d pitched back in July. I noticed that the agent they selected hadn’t closed any more deals… maybe the house hunt went on hold? Maybe they didn’t like her? I reached out to see how things were going. They just closed on that investment property.

Then, I emailed a friend of G’s. A few months ago, G told me her doc friend was searching in Fremont… I sat on that lead, bc 1) I felt intimidated since that person already owns multiple properties. (She seemed like a real estate pro!) 2) I also didn’t feel very knowledgeable about East Bay. Well, after I finally shifted my mindset last week and reached out, she already became someone else’s client. Finally, I contacted my Sunnyvale clients. I hadn’t heard from them much since closing in July. I bought some cookies as a gift for Mid-Autumn Festival last week. I emailed if there was a time for me to stop by and chat. No reply. On Thursday, I dropped off the gift in person and chatted with the wife’s mother, who incidentally, was visiting from China. She was a delightful lady: she said they were happy there. That evening, the buyer emailed me thanks. He’d let me know when his friends are looking to buy. The most unemotional and taciturn email ever. So 0-3, basically.

Normally, such a series of disappointments would have me in tears afterwards. But strangely, I’m at peace with it. I still think I did a good consult appointment with John’s coworker and his wife. The Fremont lead? That’s a lesson learned. As for my buyers… now that time has passed since my transaction, I can honestly look back and feel proud of how hard I worked for them.

And of course, the focus is on moving forward. I scored a sweet open house for this Sunday. Unfortunately, after I prepped my flyers, door hangers, and everything, I got a call late Friday night from the list agent: the sellers received three offers, and the house is now pending. Fucking A.

But, that’s this biz. Shit turns on a dime. So instead, I made plans with my loan agent to prep for my upcoming homebuying class on October 21. Also, I’m starting my farming mailings this month, so there are a gabillion steps with running database queries, creating my postcards in Publisher, and researching the printers. Holy crap, you have no idea how long all the printers take to turn around those postcards. I’ll get them mid October and then I have to apply the labels and postage. Ugh. I really hope I get some leads from these mailings.

Beyond work, I got my hair chopped. My hairdresser is so funny. She was so relieved I was getting a new style. She said as she saw me walking through the door, she said to herself, “Gosh, I hope she does something different today.” Haha. Of course when I met with my loan agent today, she’s a super blunt Vietnamese chick. She was like, “You can’t get a cut like that and not style it!!!”. Apparently, I’m supposed to be flat ironing that shit. SMH. Not gonna happen, woman.

What else. I was so stoked for my latest ThredUp order, and well, fuck me. Nothing fits!! I mean, I dunno why I’m surprised given my sedentary lifestyle… Man, I had to send nearly all of it back. Time to move up a size. Sigh. I mean, in my defense, I did do a very rigorous deep cleaning of the house today: laundry, changed the sheets, cleaned the windows, mopped the floors, vacuumed the carpets, took care of all the recyclables… I worked up a sweat, for real. I know, I’m always looking for shortcuts to fitness. 🙁 I guess I’ll be on the cereal diet for the next 8 days.

Ok, I am pooped. I went to a meetup dinner today– a new Asian ladies in Mountain View thing. Not too bad. I’m hoping one or two of them can be my karaoke or ukulele buddies. We’ll see. Too early to tell.

Officially Old

So my friend G is turning 40 next month, and she’s kinda freaking out bc everyone she knows warns there is a noticeable shift when you turn 40. I’m sure some part of her thinks her friends are being overly dramatic, that there isn’t really a threshold that gets crossed… I suppose everyone has a different experience, but if I’m just speaking for J and me, turning 40 was not just some imaginary threshold. Shit got real. Big. Time. Some examples? First off, remember when Bubs tore his calf muscle just from getting out of his office chair to answer the doorbell? Yeah, even the doctor was incredulous bc typically that kind of muscle tear happens when people are running a race and you know, just busting out too fast from the starting blocks. As if we’ve done ANY kind of running in the last ten years of our lives. SMH.

Another example? Bubbey just ordered progressive eyeglasses. I mean, sure he got them from hipster shop Warby Parker. That does NOT erase the fact that he now needs special lenses that allow him to read books. OMFG.

Meanwhile, I am not faring much better. My skin and hair are going to the dumps. I dunno if it’s the stress of a new career or what, but shit is losing elasticity and luster. Also, I had to go to the doctor recently to talk about excruciating foot pain. Yeah, multiple times in a month, I got a shooting pain in the center of my foot. It was almost like a charlie horse or muscle spasm except that pulling back my big toe did nothing to alleviate the pain. And the pain lasted for several minutes. OMG it hurt so badly. Naturally, I did my own research on WebMD and between that and my grandma and dad having gout, I was convinced I had consumed too much purine-rich foods and screwed myself over. Well, the doctor immediately said no to the gout. And then he asked to look at my shoes. I was wearing my red Timberland wedges which I love and never had issues wearing before… until I turned 40. Yeah, those are the culprit, the doc says. The footbed slope is too high. So basically, I was told to take Advil and to do special toe stretch exercises, which essentially entail me putting my pedicure toe separators on my feet. And now I have spent like two hours scouring all the online shoe sites searching for decent looking old lady shoes. It. Is. Exhasperating. I am looking at all the old white lady country club brands: Rockport, Easy Spirit, Aerosoles, Clarks, Dr. Scholls, Hush Puppies… I ordered four pairs from Macy’s and only one pair from that lot might work. I’ve ordered another four pairs from 6pm. We’ll see how those do. Fucking A.

In other news, the lease for my Bimmer is coming up at the end of the year. J insists that I need a bigger car to schlep around all my realtor cargo. Those fucking open house signs are so fucking bulky plus the prep bins plus my mobile command center… So he has compiled a list of SUVs. Since my car will be a tax deductible business expense, I’ll likely do a lease. Still, I’m a cheap mofo and after looking at all the SUVs, I’m now leaning towards a mini-van. Yes, this is perhaps THE ultimate indicator that I am an old beotch, bc I just don’t fucking care anymore! My friend K commented that we will be the world’s ONLY childfree couple living the minivan lifestyle. Truth. That said, the minivan pretty much has the same cargo space as the SUV PLUS better gas mileage PLUS quieter transmission PLUS slider doors. And Bubbey has been hankering for a minivan for a long while (See? He’s old too.). I mean, at the point that I am having to wear orthopedic shoes, I might as well just give in to being an all around frump-a-dump. Seriously.

Shortcuts

I gotta admit: anxiety is a strange beast. I mean, I always have some chronic level of anxiety: honestly, I feel it’s just a part of life when you’re an over thinker and/or a perfectionist. There is always something to worry about and obsess over bc shit’s just not quite right.

It’s funny though bc even though I identify as an over thinker, I don’t really consider myself a perfectionist. That’s a totally separate thing, and given my nonchalance about the details of our home reno, I do feel I have a certain freedom that perfectionists don’t necessarily have. Like the old shower tile work wasn’t completely straight but heck, I never even noticed until now… like seven years later. We ran out of floor tile and another box of it was on backorder for months, so we just substituted a similar but DIFFERENT tile for underneath the vanity. It’s covered up anyway.

And I kinda do hacks/shortcuts like this all the time. Just yesterday, I had my first homebuying class right? I wore my new CAbi jumpsuit with my Vince Camuto peep toe booties. My feet are looking rough these days. I just haven’t been doing my usual home pedis. So my toes were looking bad. And my event was set to start in one hour. My solution? I put on my shoes and just painted the exposed toes. Yeah, I couldn’t even be bothered to polish the ring and pinky toes on my feet. Oh well, that’s just going to have to do. And I do nutty shit like that all the time. I had this bedazzled necklace on a fabric backing that just would NOT lay flat. I kept re-tying it to get it right, but it just kept folding over itself, so fuck it: I pulled a Donald Trump tie trick. That’s right: I got a piece of packing tape, doubled it into a loop, and voila, that mofo stayed flat against my shirt. Of course, as the day wore on and the tie/sash loosened, that middle medallion sat nonsensically perfectly positioned. What can I say: I gotta pick and choose my battles, man.

So the thing I’ve noticed in the last several weeks is that anxiety compounds itself. I got so wound up over everything that 24 hrs later, I am still trying to fully decompress. It’s like my body got used to the elevated stress and then almost forgot how to come back down from it.

Right now I’m en route to Nashville, and it’s funny but my college bud’s girlfriend is an uber planner, so I am just showing up. I mean, overall, I enjoy travel planning, esp bc I have my process down, but every now and then, I certainly appreciate the luxury of just showing up. Seriously, after we settled on the dates MONTHS ago, she researched and booked lodging, car, and created a Google docs filled with things to do. I didn’t have to coordinate with the AirBnb lady. No searching things to do on TripAdvisor or any of the travel guides. Bam, it’s already done. Thank goodness, bc I have been maxed out and would not have made time for it on my plate.

In other news, my bathroom reno is still happening. It’s SO frustrating but essentially, after we selected our GC, we thought the only piece he was going to outsource was plumbing. However, after the project got underway, he ended up outsourcing electrical, tile work, painting… I ended up using our gardener’s brother bc he was available sooner and I wanted to try him out, but that has turned out disappointing too. He works full time and then does our stuff after hours, and things have just dragged on bc he can’t come every day. The interplay def has not been optimal and I’m super frustrated by it but I am learning for the future. Construction project management is only good when you have a well-oiled army of good, reliable, punctual contractors. That’s what it all boils down to. I had to ride my painter already and it was not comfortable, and now I know for next time that I want a very specific schedule breakdown and calendar of availability. Sure, it’s not the end of the world, but a month plus was just way longer than I had allotted in my mind. Right now, we should be done by the end of next week. Ugh. I just want to put crap away into the new vanity and remove all that junk lying around my bedroom floor.

Meanwhile, our friends recently got their master bath majorly re-done. The project dragged on for months and months. Finally, it was done and they enjoyed their new monster bathtub several times, only to discover water leaks three floors down in the garage. And no one knows why that is happening but clearly, the new bathroom is the culprit and all that beautiful new chevron porcelain tile is gonna have to come out. Major shit. Plumbing problems are THE worst. For a split second, I entertained the idea of being a female plumber. I figured solid waste engineering already prepped me for the conditions, but nope. Too many problems with water damage. I’m out.

What else. Oh, I attended a CAbi networking event on Monday. My friend T had suggested at the host party that I should become a CAbi stylist. It’s basically a Pampered Chef but with clothes. Frankly, I’m already knee-deep in the throes of a sales job and I’m already overwhelmed. But, I got invited to the event and I figured it would be another opportunity to meet new people. It was ok, and I always like learning about organizations where women are entrepreneurial and you know, flourishing in business. Still, those multilevel marketing programs are just hard for me to accept. I like the clothes. I do think they are much nicer worn than hanging on display, but I mean, I’m almost exclusively a second-hand clothing woman now. I just don’t value clothes enough to pay $80-$100 for a blouse and $130+ for jeans or pants. Since the hosted party event I attended last month, I found CAbi stuff on Schoola and Thredup, so I’ve been acquiring more pieces– just not at full price. Regardless, it was an ok event and I made some new connections. But shit, I am tired.

High Maintenance

I got a pretty darn slow start to the day today. Yesterday, after running around in the torrential rain and storms, going from appointment to meeting to training to meeting to whatever, I got chilled to the bone, and you know how I am with my lame constitution. So the sniffles came on and I started sneezing up a storm. Fucking A.

Then Ramona was at the groomers’ all day so by the time I got her home, she was beat, which meant that lil’ snausage snored up a goddamn storm in the bedroom last night (No, she is not sleeping in my bed.)

The good news is that I’ve finally eliminated the flea problem. Before I left for Maryland, I activated three separate flea bombs in the house AND I also released a tub full of nematodes into the backyard. J will probably say the flea bombs did the trick, but I happen to think the dual-pronged approach was the secret. Yeah I’d read online that the worms would eat the fleas and their babies. Whatever. However we arrived here, thank fucking goodness bc I do NOT need to be going around looking like a Leper.

And fortunately, my bug bites healed while I was away. I mean, my legs still look fucked up and scarred but at least the itching is gone and I haven’t scratched the wounds raw. Score one point for me!

In other body news, after I returned from Montana at the beginning of February, I used my Groupon for eyelash extensions. Apparently, this is the latest beauty rage, so I had to partake and see for myself. I just went for a partial instead of the full set, but holy crap, so damn uncomfortable! Basically, in order for her to have full access to my upper lashes (to which the extensions are glued), she had to tape down my lower lashes and that tape kept digging into my undereye area. In the end, the new lashes looked good, but shit man, bc they are fake and curl in one direction, sometimes they twist around on your normal lash and end up poking me in the eyeball. I will say, like the brow tats, it sure is nice to wake up and not spend time doing the eyeliner and mascara thing. It does look pretty natural too, just enhanced. We’re into mid Feb now and some of them are still on, but most have fallen off. As someone who wears contacts and has itchy eyes sometimes, it’s not a good fit. Fake adhesive lashes might be better. Or I’m still game for good ol’ mascara. But it was fun while it lasted.

What else. Nail polish. It looks so nice but Jesus, the chipping! We got our nails done three or four days before the funeral and after day 2, chipped. I’m almost thinking now that I’m no longer going to paint my nails bc the chipping looks so damn gauche. Today I was planning to treat myself to a pedi, but then I got into unabomber mode and decided not to leave the house. I just did them myself. The funny thing about doing my own nails… I get sloppy and shit goes all over the damn place outside of the nailbed. I don’t care. I do a scrappy job and then use a scrubber cloth after they dry to scrape away all the imperfections. That’s easier than making it perfect from the get go. A little Vix fix.

My hair is a royal mess. I was trying to grow back part of the shaved area, and those hairs are just sticking out like a grass patch. I also dyed my hair the other week using my eSalon dye… it’s something I found online and the quality of dye is definitely better in that it doesn’t bleed all over the place but after all that damn work, the color was practically the same as what I started with!! I know, I’m a fucking mess.

And then yesterday, I met with two lenders, one of whom was in a suit. We went to lunch and you know how I never use a straw bc it’s environmental extraneous? Well, twice I went to drink my iced tea, and the ice avalanched towards my mouth, causing the tea to spill all over my shirt. For fuck’s sake, am I being filmed for a bloopers show or what?! That happened TWICE before I had the wherewithal to realize I gotta use the damn straw. Ugh!!! Who can remember all these etiquette/grace school details?!?! Just let me go live in a cave.