I watch the Kardashians, because I obsess about relationship drama.  Not the asinine Desperate Housewives kind of drama where people are throwing champagne glasses and pulling out each others’ hair, but the more complicated kind (yes, I think the K’s are complex) where people have individual dreams and expectations for their lives, and yet all of it has to somehow meld into something that works inside a relationship.  This last month, I didn’t really need to watch the Ryan Seacrest productions to get my fix.  No, I drummed up plenty of my own– in fact, I had enough personal drama to cut my life expectancy by at least a decade.

Around Thanksgiving, I started feeling bothered again by how much John was working.  I know this sounds very much like the same story: I work a government job with very defined hours; he works a startup job with anything but.  I fill my time with activities; he works.  We do things in groups with our circle of friends.  Slowly but surely, the distance creeps in, bc I get frustrated having to deal with all the home logistics on my own, and he doesn’t understand my growing intolerance for his disengaged lifestyle.  I try to express my frustration; he dismisses it saying that he tries very hard with balancing.  The discussions go nowhere, and a month later, we’re discussing a trial separation.  Yup, that’s how we roll.  Full blown drama.

So the thing is, there is a pattern.  And yet, the conditions are slightly different each time: I was dealing with my depression in 2000; his bouts in 2003, then again after we returned Stateside in 2006.  Finally, in 2011, with a combination of therapy, meds, activity, and diet, depression was finally manageable.  So we were both ready to be happy, right?

No.  Like I said, I was growing increasingly annoyed by his overall distraction and lack of attention at home.  I was getting pissed about the labor inequality– with household chores as well as the extracurricular activities/travel planning.  We were supposed to be best friends.  We were supposed to be genuinely interested in each other and kind to each other, but instead, I felt under-appreciated and neglected.  When I voiced my feelings, he didn’t agree or understand or acknowledge.  Then earlier this month, I snapped.  This wasn’t the life I wanted.

For two days, we were like strangers living in the same house.  When the anger subsided, I was just so sad thinking how it had ultimately come to this.  On a Thursday morning before work, I made one final effort to explain what I had been feeling and why I had been feeling it.  I gave examples comparing how I thought he continually prioritized work over home. This wasn’t about keeping score. I’m good at doing that, but I also know that he very much defines himself through work– I think a lot of childless people do that. I wasn’t trying to compete-  I was trying to prove a point and also insist on true balance.  Anyway, it was a one-sided conversation and then I went to work.

Later that day, both individually and then together, we arrived at the same conclusion: we didn’t want a trial separation. Somehow that seemed only to signal giving up. Despite the fatigue, ultimately, we still loved each other and we wanted this to work.  Whether it was the history, the habit, or the romantic belief in love conquering all…

The following few days, we sat down and itemized every single task involved with running the ship. We put it into a schedule/matrix of things that are daily, every other day, weekly, every other week, monthly, etc. Then we talked openly about what we needed individually from the relationship. None of this (except the matrix) was particularly new or novel, but I suppose it was necessary for our restart. It was also a reminder of something my father recently told me: a relationship requires continual cultivation. And I realize now that “how” you cultivate is also important. I need attention and help with “tasks”; he needs more self time to re-energize, and we both need more private quality time together. It’s been a week since our meeting at Appomattox, and things are better. We have spent a few quiet days at home, and it’s been nice. I’m hopeful for the new year ahead.

Meanwhile, Remy’s been a real pain lately. We are still trying to nail down her thyroid meds dosage, and it’s resulted in hyper, nocturnal Remy who drinks a shitload of water and pisses every 2 hours throughout the night. Yes, only at night. So fricking bizarre. I think this must be what it’s like to nurse a newborn. Yesterday, we returned from a Xmas party to find piss on the hallway rug. Time to take matters into my own hands. Gonna halve the dose and just give it to her once a day… no more of this incremental bullshit. Cannot do this for much longer. Jesus. I’m already a light sleeper, so this schedule has been disastrous. Thankfully, my zombie state is actually acceptable during the holidays. But still, back to work tomorrow so sorry Rems, but we’re gonna need to bring sluggo back!

I watch the Kardashians, because I obsess about relationship drama.  Not the asinine Desperate Housewives kind of drama where people are throwing champagne glasses and pulling out each others’ hair, but the more complicated kind (yes, I think the K’s are complex) where people have individual dreams and expectations for their lives, and yet all of it has to somehow meld into something that works inside a relationship.  This last month, I didn’t really need to watch the Ryan Seacrest productions to get my fix.  No, I drummed up plenty of my own– in fact, I had enough personal drama to cut my life expectancy by at least a decade.

Around Thanksgiving, I started feeling bothered again by how much John was working.  I know this sounds very much like the same story: I work a government job with very defined hours; he works a startup job with anything but.  I fill my time with activities; he works.  We do things in groups with our circle of friends.  Slowly but surely, the distance creeps in, bc I get frustrated having to deal with all the home logistics on my own, and he doesn’t understand my growing intolerance for his disengaged lifestyle.  I try to express my frustration; he dismisses it saying that he tries very hard with balancing.  The discussions go nowhere, and a month later, we’re discussing a trial separation.  Yup, that’s how we roll.  Full blown drama.

So the thing is, there is a pattern.  And yet, the conditions are slightly different each time: I was dealing with my depression in 2000; his bouts in 2003, then again after we returned Stateside in 2006.  Finally, in 2011, with a combination of therapy, meds, activity, and diet, depression was finally manageable.  So we were both ready to be happy, right?

No.  Like I said, I was growing increasingly annoyed by his overall distraction and lack of attention at home.  I was getting pissed about the labor inequality– with household chores as well as the extracurricular activities/travel planning.  We were supposed to be best friends.  We were supposed to be genuinely interested in each other and kind to each other, but instead, I felt under-appreciated and neglected.  When I voiced my feelings, he didn’t agree or understand or acknowledge.  Then earlier this month, I snapped.  This wasn’t the life I wanted.

For two days, we were like strangers living in the same house.  When the anger subsided, I was just so sad thinking how it had ultimately come to this.  On a Thursday morning before work, I made one final effort to explain what I had been feeling and why I had been feeling it.  I gave examples comparing how I thought he continually prioritized work over home. This wasn’t about keeping score. I’m good at doing that, but I also know that he very much defines himself through work– I think a lot of childless people do that. I wasn’t trying to compete-  I was trying to prove a point and also insist on true balance.  Anyway, it was a one-sided conversation and then I went to work.

Later that day, both individually and then together, we arrived at the same conclusion: we didn’t want a trial separation. Somehow that seemed only to signal giving up. Despite the fatigue, ultimately, we still loved each other and we wanted this to work.  Whether it was the history, the habit, or the romantic belief in love conquering all…

The following few days, we sat down and itemized every single task involved with running the ship. We put it into a schedule/matrix of things that are daily, every other day, weekly, every other week, monthly, etc. Then we talked openly about what we needed individually from the relationship. None of this (except the matrix) was particularly new or novel, but I suppose it was necessary for our restart. It was also a reminder of something my father recently told me: a relationship requires continual cultivation. And I realize now that “how” you cultivate is also important. I need attention and help with “tasks”; he needs more self time to re-energize, and we both need more private quality time together. It’s been a week since our meeting at Appomattox, and things are better. We have spent a few quiet days at home, and it’s been nice. I’m hopeful for the new year ahead.

Meanwhile, Remy’s been a real pain lately. We are still trying to nail down her thyroid meds dosage, and it’s resulted in hyper, nocturnal Remy who drinks a shitload of water and pisses every 2 hours throughout the night. Yes, only at night. So fricking bizarre. I think this must be what it’s like to nurse a newborn. Yesterday, we returned from a Xmas party to find piss on the hallway rug. Time to take matters into my own hands. Gonna halve the dose and just give it to her once a day… no more of this incremental bullshit. Cannot do this for much longer. Jesus. I’m already a light sleeper, so this schedule has been disastrous. Thankfully, my zombie state is actually acceptable during the holidays. But still, back to work tomorrow so sorry Rems, but we’re gonna need to bring sluggo back!

Just when I thought October was hectic with my trip to Taiwan, November really kicked my ass.  John’s work schedule picked up even more: he was on the east coast at the start of the month.  Then while he was there, his nephew (oldest sister’s 2^nd kid) passed away unexpectedly.  C was 15 and severely autistic.  He had gotten sick for several days while at school.  On Wednesday/Thursday, his mom picked him up, took him to hospital: doctor thought it was a bad flu. That night he died in his bed.  We flew to Maryland for the funeral and my god, John’s sister gave the eulogy for her son!!  I was so moved by her words and her strength.  The whole thing just really made me reflect again on the frailty of life and just the importance of really treasuring relationships with people you love…

While all this shit went down, Remy got sick with vertigo (idiopathic vestibular syndrome).  I came home from work, and she was suddenly all imbalanced and wobbly– her hind legs just kept sliding out from under her.  She had been totally fine just that morning, so I thought she’d had a stroke while I was at work.  I took her to the emergency room… the condition turned out to be vertigo, and she’s almost fully recovered now (2+ weeks later) but I made the mistake of asking the vet her life expectancy, given her size and overall health and he told me she’s about there (!!!) at 13/14 years old.  So as you can imagine, I was already all emotional from C’s death, John was away, and then, even though her current illness was recoverable, I just started thinking about life without Rems.  Needless to say, I was a sobbing mess. Thankfully, November has a lot of holiday days, so I’m slowly getting my shit back together on some of these days off.

In other news, we had our annual Halloween festivities at work. I went in there determined to win the “most creative costume” contest, but fuck, I came in second.  And the winner’s costume was lame!!  I don’t want to say it, but “It’s fucking racial, man!” Judge for yourself!

I’m still horseback riding, but I’m getting frustrated with my slow progress.  I lost some weight (don’t spaz, just 5 lbs.), and I feel like it’s weakened my core strength or something (realistically, I’m probably just out of shape because I took a break from yoga).  Anyway, it’s not cool to have my thigh cramp/seize up while riding. The lesson’s only an hour long!  Wtf?  How am I gonna be an authentic cowgirl if this shit keeps happening?  I know, I need to start exercising again…  But for tomorrow’s lesson, wish me luck. This weak-ass bull is getting old.

In my previous post, I neglected to mention that I actually had THREE encounters with religious fanatics in NINE days. First, the eye candy I was hoping for on the flight over took the form of a frightened 70+ y/o Korean lady. Her son in San Diego was supposed to fly to SFO and accompany her to Seoul for knee operation. Well, flaky flake missed his flight into SFO, leaving her to make the long haul all alone. She was in a lot of pain, so for a few hours, I had her legs propped up in my lap. She claimed I was God’s answer to her fears and prayers. And then she proceeded to pour out all her judgmental, righteous religious beliefs even after I told her I didn’t believe. Yup, I thought I was gonna get 12+ hours to mentally prepare for my own family drama. Guess it wasn’t part of her God’s plan.

Second, I had my own brother take me to that cult meeting and triple-team me. Fucking A.

Third, when I went to see my monk uncle who lives out in the middle of no where (plus, I got car sick from about 2.5 hours with my aunt’s herky jerky driving + off-roading), he kept greeting me with “amitofu” and prayer hands. Then, he presented me with a necklace inscribed with the Buddhist chant. I was so irritated with people trying to impose this shit on me, that I refused to accept the necklace. I said, I could not accept it, because it was to be worn by someone who believes, and I don’t believe. Sure, this was borderline rude but whatever, I wasn’t about to get pressured into going through the motions when they were totally counter to my own atheism.

Anyway, after all that drama settled, I had a major freakout the day before my departure. I thought I had left my passport at my parents’ place in Taipei, but when I returned there the day before my flight, it was no where to be found. So then I called a bunch of my cousins and aunts with whom I had stayed and asked them to search. They called the bus, the rail, the metro lost and founds. In the end, dad arrived and discovered it stashed with his own important docs. He’d mistaken my passport portfolio for his own and hid everything away. Holy shit. I nearly died at the thought of having to re-apply for a passport and extend my stay. By then, I was so ready to go home.

Thankfully, I made it back home safely.  I’m easing back into my routine, but damn, the freaking temperatures are throwing me off! Not really, but it’s a good excuse! John and I stopped going to the mindful meditation class we had started in October: it just felt like too much of a chore, and we didn’t like the verbose classmates, and we didn’t make time outside of class to practice… so that coping mechanism for stress isn’t being developed at the moment.

All this while my mind feels more restless than usual…. I think because we’ve cut back on friend activities during the week (everyone’s too busy), and I’ve been spending more time alone, maybe? Yeah lots of me time these days for shopping, making my Halloween costume, going to the movies, going to tech events, soaking in the hot tub, making dinner, folding laundry… need to convert some of that energy into something uber productive…

Almost 2:30 a.m., and I am in the foulest mood. Thanks to a flaker, shit fell through at work (first day I’m away) and I had to backfill using the slow-ass VPN.

Then earlier tonight, my brother asked me to accompany him to his Buddhist meditation class. I was open to checking out this “amazingness,” so fine. Well, after the 2-hr lecture, I got fucking thrown into a conference room and triple teamed to get converted. I am NOT kidding.

“Don’t you believe my story of reformation?”
“Don’t you believe that Buddha purged all my bad karma and protected me from attacks by ghosts who used to haunt me?”
“Don’t you trust that your brother knows what’s good for you?”

Meanwhile, I had just arrived yesterday, got 4 hrs of sleep, spent all day out with dad, and now I had to defend myself in Chinese, using religious terms I’d just heard for the first time ever during the lecture!

OMFG, I was livid!!  And afterwards, when I told him I felt bullied, he had the nerve to say that the people weren’t pushy at all. He insisted they were sincere when they said they cared bc I’m a fellow human being. Seriously, this has got to be secret footage for a bloopers show, right?

Love is a Choice: 30 Ways to Love in Action

This is really beautiful, but I don’t know that I agree with it entirely. I don’t know that I believe love to be that pure and idealistic. In fact, the more I think about this, the more I’m feeling irritated, like this article is judging me and telling me that I’m doing it all wrong  Well, you know what? Shit happens, and people give until they can’t give anymore.

What exactly does it mean to apologize and mean it?  What does it mean to forgive and mean it? For a long time, I focused on trying to make him happy. Now I want to focus on me and my needs. Yes, love is a choice but it’s not about endless giving– there are conditions; there are strings attached. This isn’t fucking Hollywood.

John and I were back in Maryland the past few days… we went on our usual quickie visit, but I have to say, we’re finally getting it down. His parents pick us up Friday night, we grab dinner in Reston, sleep over at their house. The next day we spend with them and then in the evening, I head north to visit my parents. I squeeze in a bit of friend time (my college roommie and our dormmate live in the area), John comes over Sunday night, we check on the Reston townhouse and then my parents drop us off at Dulles. Yup, the process is pretty streamlined now, so a lot less stressful.

I was also pleased to see that my parents are well… looking better than when I saw them last March. You see, a month ago, they started exercising daily again, and god, what a huge difference 30 days makes. They look ten times better and have so much more energy. Likewise, my grandparents are more active than ever– they read the newspaper and every day of the week, they have some kind of activity at the Chinese center: singing, dancing, mahjong, lectures, etc. My parents need to learn a play or two from their playbook. I stopped by and visited with my grandparents, and holy shit, you would have no idea that they are 85 and 93 y/o. Yebs is still driving (mostly short local routes, thankfully) and they get around pretty well. Regular exercise, social activities, and lifelong learning– I’m convinced those are the secrets to aging well.

I was thinking today about how grandparents have such a wisdom to them. As crazy as the world is now and as different as it is from what they experienced previously, they somehow still manage to adapt, not sweat the small stuff, and enjoy the essence of living.

They were telling me how much fun they had last year on their trip to China for the World Expo. My grandmother was saying how May is the best time to go– that’s when all the best foods are in season. Last time, they got a live free-range chicken from the food market, cooked it up, and savored every little morsel. They are planning to visit us in California next year and maybe hit Taiwan to visit my brother too. Noorie asked when was the best time to visit for good food… so funny.

I’m on the plane now writing all this, and I’m thinking too of my father’s mother A-ma. She was such a strong, smart woman. A true negotiator. I credit her with ultimately convincing my father to accept John. She had been in Frederick for a visit, and after seeing us together, she said to my father, “He treats her well, and they are happy. Just let it be.” I remember too when I was a kid, she would visit for a couple months. She taught me to say 4-5 lines in Taiwanese in case I ever got lost. To this day, I can still reiterate those lines: I’m from Pingtung; I’m visiting my family; Their address is…” And she had so many funny ways of saying things– her own version of “omg” and “what can I do”? We used to play nerf basketball in my bedroom and basketball out on our driveway. They say behind every great man is an even greater woman, and this was certainly the case with my father and his mother.

I’m going to Taiwan in mid October. My dad’s family is very nosy and rowdy and I’m a little anxious about the Johnnny encounter, but I’m optimistic it will still be a good trip. I’ll see my paternal grandfather and visit A-ma’s ashes. For all the other drama, unfortunately, I won’t have my buffer/mediator with me… Oh well, even if I have one blow-up with my brother, I’ll consider the trip a success.

As you can see, I do way too much thinking on flights. Today, the in-fight entertainment system is down, so now I’m having to find alternate ways to deal with my ADD. I suppose it’s just as well, considering that on the fight out, I watched an E! News special on Justin Bieber and afterwards, I felt totally untalented and inadequate and lame. Yeah, and then all my issues cropped up again. By the time I arrived on the other side, I was on the verge of meltdown. It’s the same shit that crops up every couple years. What am I doing with my life? Am I making a difference? Where is my hunger and drive and ambition? How am I worthy of my life’s good fortune? I need to do more, blah, blah.

I see so much strength in my family, in the war and immigrant stories of my grandparents and parents… I do feel I should carry that same level of fortitude and resilience forward. I’ve turned soft in the comforts of privilege. So once again, I need to hatch a new plan and maybe find a life coach. I swear I try to be drama free, but my brain likes to overthink. Already, I have an entire list of things to take care of, loose ends to tie up, etc. I got issues… there’s no other way to say it.

The hobbies have certainly been keeping me busy– I suppose they are my form of “lifelong learning.” They make me happy but sometimes I wonder if they are more a distraction to prevent me from overthinking things. Maybe they are dual purpose. Either way, many things are on that bucket list. For short term, at least it gives me small goals. Like with riding… except that I hit a plateau the last two lessons, and I got frustrated still being stuck in a trot. Ah well, I just have to keep plugging away. Like Malcolm Gladwell says, 10,000 hours. There’s a cattle drive about 90 minutes south in April. At first, sleeping in a tent for 3 days was a dealbreaker, but now I think I’m just going to suck it up. Driving cattle across acres of land is gonna be incredible. Seriously, unlimited riding for three days. Awesome.

If you haven’t watched the movie, add it to your list. It’s on Netflix Instant, and it stars Paul Rudd and Rachel Weisz. Both great actors and not too shabby eye candy. The basic premise? Guy meets a girl, falls head over heels in love with her. Because of her “influence” we’ll call it, he loses weight, gets a new wardrobe, new haircut, new nose, ditches his old frumpy (and beloved) corduroy coat, compromises his once unyielding rules, hangs out less with his friends… Pretty much every suggestion from the girlfriend results in some kind of eagerly adopted change in him.

One of my good guy friends reminds us of that movie. Most of the changes, people would readily consider as welcome changes. After all, who can criticize a slimmer, trimmer, healthier, better looking, more stylish person? But then there are other changes– changes beyond the superficial. Hobbies, possessions, attitudes once a part of him are now surrendered or neglected or abandoned.

Is she good for him? Some people say the answer lies in the motivation behind his changes. Did he always want to look hipper and trimmer? Did he always want to be a health/exercise fanatic? If these were always goals he held, and she just happened to catalyze the changes for him, fine. But what if he was happy with who he was previously, and he is now changing to please her… does that stain the metamorphosis into something negative?

Ultimately, yes, the most important thing is his happiness, and yes, he does appear happy. But I valued him the way he was, and to think that he is undergoing all these changes to please someone because she valued him less as he was and more now, only after he has begun to meet her standards, just makes me sick. Really, it does. Sure, everyone has room for improvement. I’m just not convinced all of these changes are “improvements.” Seriously, now I feel like all he does is work, run, diet, and detox. If I were to meet him tomorrow, would we still connect? Maybe I’m just getting all worked up because I’m partly disappointed with him. Why is he being so goddamn accommodating? Why is he turning into such a flake? Seriously, as much as I admit to being a control freak, I just like to control “things” and situations/circumstances. I don’t try to control people! But he’s letting her control him, and the question is WHY? Is he trying to prove to her that he’s good enough or worthy of her love? It should totally be the opposite way around. Can I tell him that? Can I tell him in all candidness, friend to friend, that he’s too good for her?

It is way too early on a Saturday morning. I should be sleeping snugly in my cozy bed (dreaming of Adam Levine– just kidding!), but instead, I’m riding the Caltrain to SF. On Saturdays, the train stops at every single station, so the ride takes 95 minutes rather than the express 50 minutes. Anyway, I’m up because this month is all about being active.

I had taken a hiatus of sorts this summer– I just wasn’t feeling much interest in doing stuff. Well that ended August 1. I’m fickle like that.

So John did end up going full time… he also took on a new role: now he’s VP of Engineering. Yeah, Mr. Fancypants. He’s going to be presenting at board meetings, meeting with investors, building the team. Maybe that’s what triggered all these new activities. I do have a deep-seated fear that things will revert to those unhappy days when he was overworked, stressed, and depressed. But my approach to ward off the evil spirits? Fight even harder for work-life balance… INSIST on it. I know that MY work-life balance doesn’t necessarily translate to him, but I’m sure it has some influence, especially since he always has the option to tag along on all the things I plan. And this time, hopefully, he’ll understand that balance might just be the only thing that saves us. I still anticipate there will be a lot more me-time in the near future: that’s simply the nature of him working at start-ups… But I’m not feeling resentful about it; I just want to make sure it doesn’t stop me from doing things I want to do and from setting up my own personal support system that helps me cope with changes to the relationship.

So what’s on the list? Well first things first.

House Crap
There’s so much house shit that requires maintenance. The fence up front was falling over, like 70 degrees and about to crush the car. The screen door was all junked up (did someone cut through the screen to unlock the door before?), and the arbor beams at the front of the house looked like they were ready to collapse and kill someone. The good news is that I found a new, responsive contractor, and he completed all those tasks last month. Of course in the process, he found termites, so then we had to get another pest inspection, spray the area, etc. Speaking of pests, we have roof rats. I was seriously considering a peaceful co-existence with the rodents, but then John showed me a YouTube video: not only are these rats carriers of the bubonic plague, but one female can produce 900-1000 offspring a year!! Wtf? It’s like attack of the aliens. Fuck that. They gots to go! The original plan was to poison them, but now John’s worried the poison may kill other animals that get the bait. So now it’ll have to be traps that break their necks. Ugh, poor critters.

There have also been a steady stream of burglaries in the neighborhood in the last year. You know I’m paranoid about that kind of shit. Who cares about the stuff, but I just have stressful dreams about coming home and well, shit happening to my person. So, we installed an alarm system. I know, it’s such a yuppie thing, but our house is old, and the doors/windows just don’t lock securely plus there’s a lot of glass. On top of that, I have lost all confidence that the dogs will protect/alert us in any way. So we had the system installed two weeks ago– so far so good.

I’m also trying to step things up with cleaning a little bit every day. John calls it my “power hour” but it actually runs far longer than 60 minutes. Basically, as soon as I get home, I start cleaning, de-cluttering, wiping, doing yard work. Yes, it is exhausting, but it’s helpful not to let shit pile up. John and I are just messy people, so there is a constant, natural movement towards chaos. This is definitely a constant battle, but I don’t want to put up with a dirty house and I’m still holding out against a house cleaner. I already have too many house expenses as is!

Professional Development
This month I decided it was time to tackle professional development. I’ve been scouring Eventbrite and the twitterfeeds for relevant tech talks, seminars, meetups, etc. I’m attending the WordPress conference this weekend in SF. Then I also signed up for Lynda.com to brush up on web-design related stuff plus javascript. I figured, work will pay for all of it, so really it’s just my time. I’m also eyeing some classes at the local community colleges… not for tech stuff, but fun stuff: Spanish or singing… we’ll see if I can settle on anything.

Regular Exercise
So John’s done really well this summer, especially with going to the gym regularly. He’s the skinniest he’s been in like 10 years. Yeah, we did a closet cleanout and everything! So now I’m feeling inspired to get active again– but of course without going to the gym. Hehe. So Tina and I are starting up our weekly rollerblading sessions. The pavement at the elementary school next door is actually pretty decent. Plus, it’s a good time to talk shit about work and strategize with office politics and such. Always gotta be in the loop.

I found a ranch about 20 minutes away in Milpitas, so I started taking weekly riding lessons there. Pricing is super reasonable, the horses are so well cared for, the ranch is gorgeous (huge arena plus trails adjacent to open space!), and my instructor is the ranch owner– a tried and true cowboy with about 40 years of experience. He’s going to teach me how to rope eventually (after I get up to speed). 🙂 I just love riding… it really is one of those things that just makes me smile every time I think of it. When does that ever happen, right??

I’m still doing Groupons and such. Jess and I got one for the same hot yoga studio, so we went to the first class earlier this month. Boy did I feel out of shape… I about died. Seriously. I was the big slacker in the class who stopped every 15 minutes to rest and drink water. Totally wussy, but I cannot handle nauseas.

My next Groupon activity is go-karting. A few of us are trying that out next Monday. I’m a little worried about crashing, especially if I’m racing alongside other people. I’m not exactly the safest driver. 🙂 Eek.

John and I are coming up on our 15th anniversary… can you believe it? I’m thinking we’ll do an archery lesson. John did one with his sister a couple months ago and enjoyed. He’s probably awesome at it, with all the hours he clocked in high school and college playing assassin-type video games. I just hope my arrows don’t fly rampant.

It is way too early on a Saturday morning. I should be sleeping snugly in my cozy bed (dreaming of Adam Levine– just kidding!), but instead, I’m riding the Caltrain to SF. On Saturdays, the train stops at every single station, so the ride takes 95 minutes rather than the express 50 minutes. Anyway, I’m up because this month is all about being active.

I had taken a hiatus of sorts this summer– I just wasn’t feeling much interest in doing stuff. Well that ended August 1. I’m fickle like that.

So John did end up going full time… he also took on a new role: now he’s VP of Engineering. Yeah, Mr. Fancypants. He’s going to be presenting at board meetings, meeting with investors, building the team. Maybe that’s what triggered all these new activities. I do have a deep-seated fear that things will revert to those unhappy days when he was overworked, stressed, and depressed. But my approach to ward off the evil spirits? Fight even harder for work-life balance… INSIST on it. I know that MY work-life balance doesn’t necessarily translate to him, but I’m sure it has some influence, especially since he always has the option to tag along on all the things I plan. And this time, hopefully, he’ll understand that balance might just be the only thing that saves us. I still anticipate there will be a lot more me-time in the near future: that’s simply the nature of him working at start-ups… But I’m not feeling resentful about it; I just want to make sure it doesn’t stop me from doing things I want to do and from setting up my own personal support system that helps me cope with changes to the relationship.

So what’s on the list? Well first things first.

House Crap
There’s so much house shit that requires maintenance. The fence up front was falling over, like 70 degrees and about to crush the car. The screen door was all junked up (did someone cut through the screen to unlock the door before?), and the arbor beams at the front of the house looked like they were ready to collapse and kill someone. The good news is that I found a new, responsive contractor, and he completed all those tasks last month. Of course in the process, he found termites, so then we had to get another pest inspection, spray the area, etc. Speaking of pests, we have roof rats. I was seriously considering a peaceful co-existence with the rodents, but then John showed me a YouTube video: not only are these rats carriers of the bubonic plague, but one female can produce 900-1000 offspring a year!! Wtf? It’s like attack of the aliens. Fuck that. They gots to go! The original plan was to poison them, but now John’s worried the poison may kill other animals that get the bait. So now it’ll have to be traps that break their necks. Ugh, poor critters.

There have also been a steady stream of burglaries in the neighborhood in the last year. You know I’m paranoid about that kind of shit. Who cares about the stuff, but I just have stressful dreams about coming home and well, shit happening to my person. So, we installed an alarm system. I know, it’s such a yuppie thing, but our house is old, and the doors/windows just don’t lock securely plus there’s a lot of glass. On top of that, I have lost all confidence that the dogs will protect/alert us in any way. So we had the system installed two weeks ago– so far so good.

I’m also trying to step things up with cleaning a little bit every day. John calls it my “power hour” but it actually runs far longer than 60 minutes. Basically, as soon as I get home, I start cleaning, de-cluttering, wiping, doing yard work. Yes, it is exhausting, but it’s helpful not to let shit pile up. John and I are just messy people, so there is a constant, natural movement towards chaos. This is definitely a constant battle, but I don’t want to put up with a dirty house and I’m still holding out against a house cleaner. I already have too many house expenses as is!

Professional Development
This month I decided it was time to tackle professional development. I’ve been scouring Eventbrite and the twitterfeeds for relevant tech talks, seminars, meetups, etc. I’m attending the WordPress conference this weekend in SF. Then I also signed up for Lynda.com to brush up on web-design related stuff plus javascript. I figured, work will pay for all of it, so really it’s just my time. I’m also eyeing some classes at the local community colleges… not for tech stuff, but fun stuff: Spanish or singing… we’ll see if I can settle on anything.

Regular Exercise
So John’s done really well this summer, especially with going to the gym regularly. He’s the skinniest he’s been in like 10 years. Yeah, we did a closet cleanout and everything! So now I’m feeling inspired to get active again– but of course without going to the gym. Hehe. So Tina and I are starting up our weekly rollerblading sessions. The pavement at the elementary school next door is actually pretty decent. Plus, it’s a good time to talk shit about work and strategize with office politics and such. Always gotta be in the loop.

I found a ranch about 20 minutes away in Milpitas, so I started taking weekly riding lessons there. Pricing is super reasonable, the horses are so well cared for, the ranch is gorgeous (huge arena plus trails adjacent to open space!), and my instructor is the ranch owner– a tried and true cowboy with about 40 years of experience. He’s going to teach me how to rope eventually (after I get up to speed). 🙂 I just love riding… it really is one of those things that just makes me smile every time I think of it. When does that ever happen, right??

I’m still doing Groupons and such. Jess and I got one for the same hot yoga studio, so we went to the first class earlier this month. Boy did I feel out of shape… I about died. Seriously. I was the big slacker in the class who stopped every 15 minutes to rest and drink water. Totally wussy, but I cannot handle nauseas.

My next Groupon activity is go-karting. A few of us are trying that out next Monday. I’m a little worried about crashing, especially if I’m racing alongside other people. I’m not exactly the safest driver. 🙂 Eek.

John and I are coming up on our 15th anniversary… can you believe it? I’m thinking we’ll do an archery lesson. John did one with his sister a couple months ago and enjoyed. He’s probably awesome at it, with all the hours he clocked in high school and college playing assassin-type video games. I just hope my arrows don’t fly rampant.