John and I returned late Monday night/early Tuesday morning from our quick trip back East. I think it was just the right amount of time for me… 4 days to spread amongst his family and mine. I was pleased that we managed to catch two shows (Divine Performing Arts, which reminded me of Chinese school talent shows mixed with a Christian rock concert, and Les Mis), visit with both sets of parents, visit each of his 3 siblings in Maryland, plus visit with my friend’s mom. The secret this time was definitely setting boundaries from the get go. Contrary to our usual mode of operation, we decided on the first two days with my parents, the next two days with his. We still spent an inordinate amount of time in the car, but somehow I felt more rested. And thank goodness I didn’t have my mystery allergy/illness. My face wasn’t congested or swollen at all. Hurray.

So interestingly, when we met with one of John’s sisters, the conversation somehow turned towards John’s computer hardware. His sister’s son thinks John is the man because of all his gadgets. Anyway, as John shared the specs on his hardware, his sister made a comment suggesting that our stash was excessive. Yeah, I agree, it is a lot of hardware for one household, but you know, he works in tech and I work in tech. That’s our thing. And half of it is for his work. And then earlier that night, when I told his sister she should dig through her love letters for Get Mortified, she said “Who has the time? I work, I gotta deal with the kids, etc.” So here’s the thing: these are all choices. She decided to have four kids, and so consequently, her life is filled with responsibilities affiliated with that choice. And in essence, everyone spends money on SOMEthing or someone. So, I just said, you know, “Some people have 4 kids. We have 6 computers.” We chose not to have kids, so we spend our money on gadgets and on travel. That’s that.

Recently, I’ve grown increasingly frustrated just in general. First, I’m fed up with people who are miserable and depressed and yet still remain in a state of inaction. I know, this is like a recurring issue I have with people… and I know they don’t do it to disappoint others, but I can’t help but feel disappointed and sometimes downright angry. Seriously, enough with the excuses. Yeah that may seem easy for me to say, because I’m skinny or I have a good job or I’m not in debt or whatever. Truth is, I too have been in the darkness before: unhappiness and self-pity can only last for so long. In the end, unless you’re calling it all quits, there’s still a lot to be grateful for. For example, every time someone I know delivers a healthy baby, I am reminded and thankful that fortunately, I don’t have a congenital defect or physical disability! Jesus Christ. DO SOMETHING with what you do have!

Second, I’m irritated with half-assed friends. I mean, that is life, I suppose. But I’ve decided to conserve my own energies and not work so hard on maintaining relationships. It’s just too much effort, and frankly, I’m not suffering from a paucity of friends. Haha, how snobbish does that sound?

Ok, time for bed. Gotta be ready for a productive day at work tomorrow. Launching tons of new stuff next week. I’m having a blast… still.

Shit, the weekend is over already? Jesus Christ. Normally, I can’t wait to get back in the saddle at work, but this evening, I feel differently. Though the weekend was good, my personal projects could use an extra day. I’m making progress on the extracurricular activities, but there is still so much more that needs to get done… Meanwhile, I’m still battling this bizarre, undiagnosed, mystery illness/ailment. Sure, I could go to the doctor and see what the hell is going on, but that would be too easy. Honestly, the symptoms are very much like allergies: I get these sneezing fits and then head congestion and pressure in my ears. In addition, my eyes are growing increasingly itchy. Like so crazy itchy I sometimes wonder if I have pink eye. And then my thoughts immediately go to that movie Superbad where the kid gets pink eye from… ugh gross. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go watch the movie. That definitely won’t be the way I get pink eye…

At first, I thought the irritation was from my contacts. I switched to a fresh pair. Then today I saw some crud in the inner corner of my eye… maybe from my eyeliner? I don’t freaking know, but who has time to play process of elimination? Argh. Yes, this is a case for the experts. Enough with the procrastination. I cannot be sick when I’m visiting family this weekend. They always see me all tired and lethargic (probably from all the shuttling around). I’m determined to present a strong, energetic self this time. Maybe my doctor buddies can squeeze me in for an appointment.

So despite my physical discomforts, this weekend was fun. On Friday, I caught the train into the city and met up with Grace and Jim for a fabulous dinner at a Thai restaurant. G and I then met up with another chick for I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change. Yes, another “relationship” production. Like so many shows I’ve seen in the Bay area over the last two years, this one was awesome. I know, I’m starting to sound like my friend Nathalie who never gives a bad movie review (Never trust her movie judgement!), but seriously, I’ve seen a lot of really great stuff! And this show was no different: it was clever, entertaining, and funny. What more could I ask for? Interestingly, the show had run off-Broadway for 10+ years. Who knew?

Yeah, I’ve been getting into shows and movies about relationships lately. Maybe it’s because John and I had an extra rough year… I don’t know, I just find myself so fascinated/surprised by the commonalities in the human relationship experience. Anyway, lots of thinking after the play. On Saturday, I opted for fluff. We ran errands all day and then went to see a late screening of Coralina (love that name!). The plot was a bit childish but the 3-D shit was amazing. Creative people… they fricking blow me away. And based on the movie previews, a lot of cool stuff is coming through the pipeline. Can’t wait.

I had lots of good eats this weekend. John’s culinary kick is still going strong. In fact, this morning, I woke up to blueberry pancakes and homemade hash browns! I know, I’m totally spoiled now, right? He’s even been getting up before me (wtf, right?) AND getting his butt to the gym. It’s great to see John with some vigor. He’s starting to give Power Pill (that’s me) a real run for the money. Even more reason to get my ass to the doctor. I gotta be back in top form to defend my Power Pill title.

No disrespect to people who have been medically diagnosed, but Jesus Christ, I am suffering from ADD big time. So many thoughts fly in and out of my head that I have a major headache. First, there are the to dos– professional, personal, whatever. Then there are those god-awful, pain-in-the-ass new year resolutions. They are fucking exhausting. Then there’s the fun stuff. Like apparently, I was deprived of fun for far too long as an adolescent/young adult and now I’m going hog wild. Ok, not quite that extreme, but it’s like, I actually enjoy social interaction and I’m quite the activities planner. Along with the people stuff, there’s all the interesting/funny/entertaining/stimulating random self-learning things. Who the hell can keep up? Seriously.

So let’s back up a bit. I mean, what the hell have I been up to really? Well, January flew by at warp speed. Several nights a week I was doing the whole skate practice thing. Yeah, that was like resolution #1. Then I was savoring the final two episodes of Lipstick Jungle. I still love that show and I hope to God NBC has the good sense to bring it back. I was getting back into the WNTW episodes. For a brief period, I had gotten sick of listening to Stacy and Clinton yammer on and on with their cut-downs and blah de blah. In fact, I had started fast fowarding through most of the episodes, catching just the beginning, the 2nd day of shopping, hair/makeup, and the final 3 outfits. Yeah, I had boiled down a 30-minute show into like 12 minutes. Efficiency, I tell you. Of course, I could never deny the success of their work. But the recent clincher? An episode about a 40-year old executive director of a music school. She was still in jeans and embellished tanks. I really liked what she wore, and how did the gurus describe it? Juvenile, unprofessional. So again, I was reminded of my tendency towards juniors’ apparel. And let’s face it: I’m at least a decade plus beyond that demographic. So I started rethinking the style thing and that opened up a whole new can of worms.

I decided I needed to spice up the look again. So I got books from the library. Who the hell knew that Trinney and Susannah came before Stacy and Clinton? The books were fascinating. Crazy scenarios with the same person dressed in two styles for the same situation (for example, job interview). And like what their “look” said about them. I was blown away. Really. You’ll have to see the books yourself to understand. Anyway, all of this is coming at a good time, because my friend Grace is getting married in June. The upcoming wedding has prompted an interest in a makeover, so in March, we’re meeting up with the experts. No, not S&C, but a style guru in SF. We’ve booked a 6-hour session, and I cannot wait. I’m going to have so many questions for her. She will be my book of answers. John is so relieved I have a buddy for this excursion. Six hours of shopping/makeover/style stuff does not interest him at all. In the meantime, I have started experimenting with my wardrobe. The tall boots came out. I’m wearing the trousers instead of jeans and a tee. Many at work have commented on the difference… I should just say it’s yet another form of the mid-life crisis. I appreciate their compliments but deep down, I know my friend Pamela would still rate me a mess. 🙂 Guess it’s all relative. Either way, I’m having fun playing around. It’s all rather frivolous but oh well, it keeps me busy.

Last month I also saw an awesome show called Get Mortified. Basically, people find stuff they wrote as kids/adolescents and they audition to read/perform their material on stage. Hilarious with all the angst and drama of youth. Was awesome! A group of us is catching the Valentine’s doomsday special next week. I may just dig around my old junk this next time I’m back in Frederick… who knows what material I may find!

What else. Oh, I finally switched from Verizon to AT&T. Activated his old iPhone. Wonderful device for reading email, doing Twitter, and getting the news. Sucks for text messaging though. Really sucks. The apps are so-so. Neat but not a major time sink for me.

Also, I had a Chinese New Year party last month. People came over, we made dumplings, ate hot pot. It was like a marathon 6-hour long party. We played board games and went skating at my private rink! I had a grand ol’ time but boy was I tired afterwards. Partying is a lot of work.

Ok, obviously I am all over the place. I still have a headache. And I’m having my weird sneezing attack again. This winter has been an odd season. Tons of people have gotten sick and people are just having unusual symptoms. Like what’s up with the serial sneezing but then no cold? Who the hell knows. I’m hitting the sack early today. Tomorrow Grace and I are going to a play in the city. Another relationship play. Just what I like: more drama.

Ok, so I made some big decisions recently. Seeing as I was giving Goodbers very little love in the new year, I decided something had to change. After all, Goodbers and I go way back to 2003, and to my own fault, I had let the relationship slide.

Initially, I had been seduced by the trendiness of Facebook (and Twitter to a lesser extent), but ultimately, I realized that FB made me way too high maintenance. It was just too much work for my online identity to handle. Sure, FB was great for getting back in touch and seeing what old acquaintances were up to, but in the end, there was just too much fluff, not to mention the annoying applications and games. Long story short, I’m returning to my roots: paring down on FB and going back to blogging on goodbers. I plan to still tweet alongside the blogging (see sidebar), but I definitely want to bring back the longer posts.

Truth be told, I’ve picked up some new obsessions, er hobbies. What began as earnest “job research” (investigating web 2.0 phenomena as methods to build web traffic), has quickly blossomed into well, what I would call attention whoring. And yes, I hate to use that term but at the moment, I can’t think up a better word. Needless to say, this Twitter/Facebook fad is seriously detracting me from blogging. It’s just so much easier to write random lines (limited to 140 characters) than to assemble paragraphs and themed thoughts. Granted, it’s not as if my blog postings are expertly organized or cohesive, but I suppose there is something to be said for texting an update or two via the mobile device (my iPhone which I continue to use as an iPod Touch… I know, blasphemy!).

In my defense, the thing about Facebook is that it taps into all those secret childhood desires: to be liked, to be accepted, to be popular, to be current. I’ve always felt like my early 30s represented my highest level of self acceptance, and yet there is this magnetic pull to FB. I want to see what my peers are doing. It’s so difficult to explain, and oftentimes I think people– even those like John who know me well– misread it as competition, but it’s an odd hunger where for the most part, I am just on this continual search for the secret to happiness and fulfillment. By seeing what others are up to, I hold out hope that perhaps one day, I will find the secret that others seem to have found. Facebook is kind of like watching tv (America’s Best Dance Crew or Biggest Loser), except it’s much more efficient and I’m watching people I know do, learn, live. Not sure that I’ve explained myself clearly but anyway… FB is fun (albeit sometimes a huge time sink).

So in other news, John got me a new board game: Backseat Drawing. A bit like Pictionary except the person who reads the clue has to direct the artist on what to draw using basic directions and shapes. Very fun. The party was a blast– a diverse mix of peeps but we all got along.

At work, I’m rolling out a ton of new stuff in the next month. Going to finish up the fiscal year strong. Swear to god, I love this job. I really am so thankful for it. Kick ass content. Awesome boss. Wonderful coworkers. It’s one of the solid things tying me down to California.

Oh, I almost forgot: New Year’s resolutions. John keeps reminding me that they have to be “measurable goals” or whatever. Don’t use your lame project management lingo with me, buddy. Here goes:

1. Learn to skate gracefully on my new Xlider board skates (and achieve DB (dancer’s body) in the process.
2. Try two new recipes a month.
3. Do something in the city once a month.
4. Go hiking once a month and take pictures!
5. Play my zither once a month.
6. Host a game night or party every other month.
7. Plan a weekend getaway every other month.
8. Volunteer once per quarter.
9. Read one book per quarter (I know, pathetic, but hey I don’t read books!).
10. Participate in a Spanish immersion program.
11. Try a professional meetup group.
12. Start Chinese self study.

Me, me, me, right? (Well that’s the luxury I get for nixing kids and parenthood!) There should be plenty more, but I’ll have to add later. That’s enough to get me started. Damn, gotta figure out how I’m gonna squeeze all this in! 😛

I’d been meaning to write for the longest time, but after returning from Asia, I fell into a major funk. Reasons? Oh, there are endless possibilities:

1. After frolicking around the exciting metropolises in Asia, returning to the suburbs was anticlimatical to say the least.
2. For me, the holidays spell anxiety and disappointment: they remind me just how little I fit in with society’s ideals regarding family. Speaking of which, how many people have contacted me on Facebook only to inquire about my brother. Jesus, do I need to post a note on my profile stating that I have no idea what my brother is doing– we’ve been estranged since late 2003?
3. The last minute cancellation of all my holiday plans (including what was going to be a therapeutic visit to see my bud Pamela in southern California followed by a week-long cram session in Mexico) was a major downer.
4. I’ve grown increasingly frustrated (or fatigued?) with “chasing perfection,” as John explains it.

To exacerbate my crappy mood, John and I started fighting again. Have you ever seen The Story of Us? It follows a couple through the entire rollercoaster ride from the fun and exciting courtship to the new life together/best buddy phase to the resentful, annoyed, distant period, and back full circle to starting again. Well, the last few weeks, we were in that pissy, belligerent, irritable middle period. For days, I wondered how we possibly transitioned from best friends to annoyed roommates. Maybe that term is too harsh, but seriously, it felt like one extreme to the other.

Christmas eve sucked. We tried to get along but I went to bed after I made dinner. I was exhausted, and I yearned for simpler, happier times.

I finally emerged from this darkness the day after Christmas. Chuck and his wife had invited us over for Christmas dinner, and though I wasn’t in the mood to feign happy holiday spirits, I considered it a welcome distraction and also a perfect opportunity to see how the new kitten Stanley was settling in. As usual, Chuck cooked a delicious meal.

When I asked whether he had slaved in the kitchen since morning, he said, no, only since the afternoon. He hadn’t been feeling very well due to the chemo treatments (his fingers have now gone numb), so he slept in late. Really it just takes a little perspective to kick my ass back in gear. The day before that, I had told Fonda John and I might skip going over for Christmas dinner (since we weren’t getting along). She asked what we were fighting about, and when I tried to explain, it all sounded so foolish and petty and insignificant. Not that I want to dismiss our disconnect completely, but relatively speaking, consider what they experienced this past year, between Chuck’s diagnosis and Oscar’s abrupt death, I know I have a lot to be thankful for.

Long story short, we are back to trying again. And since the day after Christmas, we’ve been doing much better. In retrospect, the answer seems so simple but I suppose as my father always says, “it’s easy if you know how.” I don’t know that the current answer will always be the correct future answer, but for now, I’m relieved to be back in my groove. Sleeping all night and all day just wasn’t me. But I suppose every now and then, the soul needs to play itself the violin. I hope to be back to a regular writing schedule. Thanks for hanging. Oh and happy new year. Get those resolutions down on paper!

John and I arrived in SFO on Sunday morning. Despite having plenty of leg room on this reasonably-lengthed flight (10 hours direct), we were cranky as hell– during and afterwards. I tried not to complain, because looking around, everyone (except for first class) was subjected to the same uncomfortable conditions; yet, the travel was just so utterly unbearable. I know, what the hell happened to my toughness? What the hell happened to my tolerance? Oh that’s right: never had tolerance to begin with. Anyhow, by the time we got our baggage and cleared through customs, we were absolute disheveled messes. My friend Tina picked us up, and I’m sure she was thinking, “Wtf??!”

All I know is, I really need to figure out the secret to traveling better, because ultimately, this is going to be a huge limiting factor to us being world travelers. Hmm, I should just ask my friend Jenny, who used to be a flight attendant for Cathay Pacific. Can you believe two years ago she almost convinced me to apply for a flight attendant job with Cathay at their SFO base? I know. Hilarious. Everyone I know says I would totally suck as a flight attendant. I happen to think otherwise, but that’s just because I’m cocky like that. Regardless, thank goodness flying is not my profession. I much prefer sitting in front of the computer. Ha.

So the Asia trip finished up nicely. John and I hit a wall towards the end: originally, we had had all these lofty plans to cruise around our old stomping grounds, to get our hair/nails done at our local salon, to check out our old apartment, old supermarket… yes, we were all about tapping into the nostalgia. But I’m happy– and a bit relieved– to report that there are no plans to move back to Shanghai. Like Cary Tennis wrote before, It was a great situation that ended. And now I feel the closure. Sure, I could have lasted longer, but that period is over now.

On our short three days in Shanghai, we met up with a couple of old friends. We hung out with Kathia, whom we last saw in like 2005 maybe?), and we met her adorable doggie Mush. He was so cute, but seeing him really made me miss our pups. Funny thing, Mush was wearing this red Castor & Pollux herbal collar– it made him smell so damn good. Guess who has that same collar now? Yup, Remy and Martin both. I was skeptical about the herbal collar before, but they smell delightful! I almost want to smell like that! (Leave it to Kathia to research all the quality dog products). SH was a great end to our Asia trip: Kathia took us to all the cool finds. The first night we indulged at a chocolate lounge/bar called Whisk. The next day, we got foot massages (I sure miss my massages!) and then stayed up late talking at a quaint little cafe. She recently nailed a kickass job (as well as a nice new apartment), so things are really starting to gel now… Congrats Kathia!

In other news, we also met up with my friend Helen. Helen is my Lipstick Jungle idol: she’s got the whole successful corporate woman thing going. She’s Shanghainese, so there’s always interesting insights from her. For example, how would you rate the following items on the sexually progressive-conservative spectrum?
– tampon use
– premarital sex

I was complaining to Helen that I was having a difficult time finding tampons in Taiwan and HK. Apparently, in Shanghai, tampon refers to both the pad AND the “stick.” So Helen starts telling me this story about how one of her Chinese coworkers needed a “tampon” at work… A British colleague handed her a Tampax. The response? The Chinese lady was so HORRIFIED that she gave the thing back! Never, ever would they use something like THAT! Exactly. My perspective? Wtf? Freaking out for no damn reason.

Later in the day, Helen starts telling me about her younger sis, who moved to Australia two years ago with her boyfriend. I started asking all these roundabout questions like, “Did they live together immediately when they moved overseas? So, they lived together before they were married??” Helen’s response, “Of course. Hello, this is modern China. Sex before marriage is very common.” Uh ok. Is it just me, or do you see a serious disconnect here? Isn’t it fair of me to assume that premarital sex is out of the question, especially given their whole tampon stance? Apparently, I’m missing something. Cultural insights.

I’m such a retard. So there’s been that ongoing tension between China and Taiwan, right? Well, on arriving at our hotel, I proceeded to pay the airport cabbie with 200 Taiwan dollars. Yeah, so the sun had gone down and well, the Taiwan bill is pink as well. Still, I should have known better. I mean, hello, Mao Zedong was totally missing in action… Duh. Sometimes I am just so damn gauche. Fortunately, the cabbie didn’t take offense. He just looked puzzled and kept flipping the bill. Leave it to whitey to point out my error. What would I do without my Bubbey?

1. John and I are little piggies. We were nibbling on my favorite See’s Candies chocolate nougat bar, and little crumbs got on the white sheets. Yeah, now it looks like we shit in our bed. Poor housekeeper… we’ll have to leave extra tip and maybe a note explaining so s/he isn’t totally disgusted.
2. In the land of caged golden birds, I was extremely suspicious when I saw an older Caucasian gentleman with a gold band on his RIGHT ring finger. Come on, a plain gold right-hand ring? Sketch. I’m almost completely sure he’s playin’ like he ain’t married… lyin’ fuck.
3. John and I were in Macau today but all day we had to keep reminding ourselves where we were. In Macau, the official languages are Chinese and Portuguese, so we were expecting a very European influence. But stepping off the turbojet watercraft, we immediately felt like we were back in China. Just something about the dirtier environment, the ubiquitous construction, and the tenacious hecklers at the ferry terminal. And all I heard was Cantonese.
4. Later, inside the gigantic Venetian Hotel, I again had to double think where the hell we were. Because we were kind of in Italy (thanks to the Disney-esque Venice interior) but then this hotel felt so similar to the Venetian in Vegas so I felt like we were in Nevada, and yet we were technically in Macau. See how my mind has lost its agility? I’m like watching Memento all over again!
5. Macau is freaking dead! How this place has supposedly surpassed Vegas as the world’s premier gambling spot is a mystery to me. Streets, restaurants, casinos all very low traffic. Perhaps there are a few very high rollers playing here? I don’t know. As for little potatoes like John and me, we played some roulette and WON! About USD $50. Not too shabby.
6. Ate another horrible meal. That’s two strikes for LP!
7. Bubbey loves the big city. Oddly, it’s one of the few things I’ve found that really energizes him. Now he’s the one with all the pep. We’ll have to duke it out for the “Power Pill” title. I argue that after 7 days of emotional stress in Taiwan plus my hour-long swim at the hotel pool yesterday, yes, I’m damn worn out! Ok, so I’m grasping for straws; I’m not proud.
8. I ran out of toothpaste. Unfortunately, the nearby 7-Eleven only carries bubblegum-flavored Pokemon Colgate in travel size. It’s useless. What’s the point of brushing if there’s no minty fresh feeling?
9. Need to do some brain exercises to prep for more currency conversions tomorrow. My little coupon organizer of a wallet, for which I am often ridiculed, sure is coming in handy: so far on our trip, it’s helped me file USD, Japanese yen, Taiwanese dollars, Hong Kong dollars, and Macau patacas. Told you I would use all those dividers some day!