Category Archives: Travel

Clearing the Clutter

I’m finally trying to tackle all the clutter– both mental clutter and physical clutter. Thanks to the recent renewed vigor for my Bubbey bucks program, unused items are finally making their way off our tiny Houseboat. That said, the process has still been slow as fuck, bc well, the environmental engineering side of me just gets too damn involved. I know, it’s my own fucking fault that decluttering is ridiculously cumbersome and tedious.

For example, a while back, our first pressure cooker (7 yrs old) busted with the plastic regulator cracking to bits. Rather than just chucking that thing into the dumpster, I tried desperately to find a replacement part so that I could salvage the appliance. In the end, after a couple hours of online research plus a failed purchase on Amazon, I realized that my only real option was to buy a new one. Fine, the new pressure cooker arrived and immediately, I put it to work cooking Marty’s food. Still though, I kept the old unit thinking maybe I just needed to spend some more time or talk to the right people (my engineering friends who order machine parts all the time) to make the old one functional again. Next thing I know, weeks fly by with the damn thing sitting in the garage. Eventually, I talked to my EE/manufacturing bud, and he said the same thing happened to his family. The only solution was to trash the old one and buy a new one. Ugh, fine. So then, I decided I would recycle the old one. It sat around the garage some more as I gathered my e-waste. By the time I organized a batch for Green Citizen, I learned that the shop now charges by the pound to recycle e-waste! WTF?!? $7 to recycle that ONE heavy-ass thing! Ugh. Yes, I could have just set it out with my household garbage, but then it wouldn’t get recycled. Fine, take the damn $7. Not a huge sum, but certainly, if I have a lot of electronics, it adds up. I’ve been brainstorming alternatives ever since.

Thankfully, I discovered that my school has a pretty robust recycling program for e-waste and other off-beat items like plastic wrap, candy wrappers, makeup containers, and old shoes. Good to know. Of course, having this stream doesn’t reduce the collecting of junk, but since I go to work M-F, I guess I don’t have to let the stuff sit on the Housebat: I can just take what I have everyday! Don’t ask me what all is in my car’s trunk right now.

This past weekend, we resumed our garage makeover. Last summer, J and I had cleaned out the garage somewhat and J demoed the paneling and shelving inside. This past weekend, we got an electrician/contractor to re-wire the place and next we’re planning to have someone insulate and drywall. At the start of all this, we had expected the process to take just a few weeks. Sadly, shit happened: J got tore his calf muscle, he traveled home with S, and then he started a new job in SF. And to come clean, bc of my issues, I was really of very little help. I helped go through the garage junk a bit (via recycling and freecycle), but I didn’t do squat with the demo or electrical permitting process. The good news is, the two electricians worked all day yesterday, and the garage is totally emptied out (who knew a single-car garage had so much damn space!). With the initial wiring done, this week we’re hoping to have the city inspector come and then afterwards, on to insulating and dry walling! J had started researching some storage cabinets, counters, and lighting options, but this weekend we decided to call in an organizer. Yup, we’re at the point now where it’s more important to get shit done than to do everything completely dirt cheap and DIY. And for once, I’m working my network to find recommended peeps. Although the services are more expensive than DIY, they’re still way cheaper than the regular market. Electrician, drywaller, and organizer. We’ll see how it all pans out. We just don’t have the energy or time anymore to drag through everything. I suspect this change in mindset comes with nearing 40. I need to simplify my life, for reals.

What else. Last weekend, I worked a shit ton of hours for the university’s alumni reunion weekend. Ugh, the amount of cheerleading and chipper content that is required!! I kept reminding myself, “I am not my audience,” but still, this school spirit bullshit is insufferable. And of course, the added irony is that I was so glad to leave the event planning/organizing duties of my last job with its annual volunteer events and staff events and public celebrations. Fuck man. As life would have it, now every big event at the uni spans multiple days and is several times larger. Wtf did I do?? In the very least, this year’s reunion event is behind me now. Next up? The new AVP is sending me to NYC later this month for a 2-day conference on content marketing. My boss was so excited for me: she acted like I was getting sent on a vacation or something. Uh, last I checked, every time I’m off attending a conference (be it for work or for myself), I get inundated with email assignments and requests throughout the day. In other words, going to a conference doesn’t replace the tasks at the office; instead, attending just gets stacked on top of all usual day-to-day crap, so sorry, I’m not floating on air about it. Whatever though. The conference itself is rather short, and afterwards, I’m riding Megabus up to Boston to spend a few days with my college bud J. I am in need of a serious vacation. My bud K raised her eyebrows on learning that I was staying with J at his apartment (uh, do you seriously expect me to pay out of pocket for a Boston hotel?), but like I’ve explained: our friendship is purely platonic, and it’s all good. Frankly, this behavior is nothing new. He stayed in my hotel room when I was attending a conference in Miami. Been there, done that. Gotta trust, lady.

What’s Next?

I was thankful to have the long holiday weekend to spend some time re-calibrating. Of course, I’m still a fucking mental mess, but baby steps, right?

We visited with S on Saturday, and then in the evening, J and I went to our first ever pro soccer game. In July, I had won Earthquakes tickets (club level, row 2!!) from a raffle at work. We were so psyched to have this new experience and to check out Avaya Stadium. Unfortunately, we were super drained by the time the game rolled around Saturday night, and even though we tried really hard to get out and distract ourselves, it only partially did the trick. We were kinda underwhelmed: the stadium itself was much smaller than I had expected, and then the game was low scoring (2-1). We surveyed the world’s longest bar at the stadium, but eh. Then again, if we’re honest, we’re viewing the world through some shit-colored lenses these days.

As soon as I returned to the office on Tuesday, there was some serious drama. The head of our department announced his departure… for the very next day. WTF??? I mean sure, an organizational consultant was brought in last July to evaluate our ecosystem and produce a report with recommendations… Most of us suspected big changes were afoot, but still. One day of notice for the department was super abrupt. Consequently, it threw the entire office into a tizzy. Meanwhile, my direct supervisor was out on vacation all week… the news only exacerbated her already neurotic and anxious state.

On Thursday morning, we were introduced to the new interim AVP– none other than the consultant who was brought in to evaluate us!! That part definitely raises red flags for me, but at the same time, she also put together a pretty solid presentation pointing out our current status and weaknesses with a phased plan to move us to a better place. So while I’m skeptical, I’m also curious to see what improvements can be done.

Still, the ongoing problem for me remains multi-fold: 1) I don’t enjoy my current role 2) I don’t know what role I would want next or how I would want to contribute in the existing setting 3) I feel rather unmoved by the content, the institution, and the culture. With a few tweaks, is it possible that my attitude could change? I just don’t know, and certainly the recent life events make me feel more strongly than ever that I don’t want to waste anymore time with my life. I mean, I was already impatient as fuck, and now my tolerance is a gabillion times lower!

My poor friend K. She’s like my onsite therapist. I’m really trying not to be a fucking broken record. Thankfully, the interim AVP got a really good, strong read from her initial interview with K, and I think she has big plans for my bud, which of course, would be awesome. Even if I’m a misfit for this place and sometimes for this world, I always want to see people thrive and flourish. This big shakeup has the potential to offer some really promising opportunities… Do I want to be around to witness all those big changes firsthand? I can’t say. I just feel so burned out and run down.

Meanwhile, J has been talking to various startup CEOs. Looks like October is going to be his back-to-work month. The primary opp he’s negotiating is in SF. I have a lot of qualms about him resuming work at yet another startup and so far away in SF, but J is confident about his choice and decision, so what can I do but acquiesce and hope for the best.

On the family side of things, my parents and grandparents flew out to Taiwan this week. I’m hoping in the next few months that my grandparents will come around and embrace living in Asia. Maybe I’m being selfish, but Jesus Christ, that would seriously be the easiest and most sensible decision for all involved. As for my in-laws, J and S are heading back East at the end of this month to visit. Many decisions still need to be made regarding their home, their vehicles, health care directives, etc.

What else. Oh, Bubs partially tore his calf today. All week his calf had been sensitive and bothering him, then this afternoon, he got up from his desk at home to answer the doorbell and SNAP! He tore his muscle. WTF? I left work early to take him to the doctor. Yup, crutches, ibuprofen, and up to six weeks for recovery. Ugh!!! The RV Fair in Sacramento is thwarted.

Canada

J and I were in Canada this past week. The last time we were this far north, we were in Vancouver for my bday in 2008. That was a great trip. We left there thinking: “If it weren’t for the cold, we could really live here!”

It seems that every trip somehow gets rated against that question, and seeing as I have just passed my ninth year in the Bay Area, what can I say, I’m getting antsy again. So this time around, we flew into Calgary, spent a couple of nights in the city, and then drove west to the mountains of Banff for another five nights. This was my first real vacation since starting my gig ten months ago. Yes, I was in Taiwan last November, but come on, family time never counts as vacay. The interesting thing about Canada? It’s kinda confusing, bc people speak English and they mostly dress/look/act very similarly to people from the States, so my brain assumes we’re in the States… but then some things are just a tad bit off. Mentally, it’s a little disorienting. Unlike when you’re in Asia or Europe where the differences are blatant, in Canada the distinctions are harder to tease out. For example, we hit up a shopping center in Calgary, and while everything about the strip mall felt very familiar and recognizable, we only knew the names of two stores (Best Buy and Costco) out of ten. Yeah, the other shops were probably Canadian. I know, duh, but it still causes a double-take. Then, at the Costco where we loaded up on wine, cheese, and trail mix, the cashier asked if we wanted our “buggy” back. John was totally confused. Thankfully, when he doesn’t hear or understand someone, I actually do. And vice versa. “Yes, we’d like the shopping cart back.”

Other observations? DYK the population of California is more than the population of all of Canada? WTF’ right? And if you think about it further: the population of Shanghai is almost the population of Canada and California combined! Mindblowing! The pace in Alberta is also considerably slower: that goes for airport processes, driving speeds, and restaurant service. It definitely takes some getting used to. Kinda like Hawaii’s “Island time” but thankfully, not THAT slow. People are super friendly, almost suspiciously friendly. Everywhere we went, we got free upgrades: rental car, hotel 1, hotel 2, restaurant seating, airplane seating, etc. And people are very conversational, and not in the usual auto-piloty kind of way we’re used to. There’s all this eye contact, and the people really keep the conversation going, which made us unabombers super uncomfortable.

What else. Holy crap, who knew there was so much diversity up here: I mean, I guess since Banff is a pretty international destination, it’s not that surprising to hear lots of European and Asian languages, but in Calgary? Same thing, and I also noticed many interracial couples at the public parks and around town.

Beyond those observations, the landscape in this part of Canada is pretty stunning. We saw lots of natural beauty with distinctive highlights from glaciers in the Columbia Icefield to grassy meadows to alpine lakes to fir forests in the Rockies. For some reason, all of this reminded me of our incredible trip two years ago in Wyoming. That was one of my top five trips, and of course, I was trying to pinpoint the reasons why it was so memorable. Banff had some similar features with the beautiful ski mountains and clear lakes, but in Wyoming, 1) I saw horses everyday 2) we did some really unique activities like my Intro to Rodeo class and mountain biking down the ski slopes 3) The Grand Teton Lodge was super deluxe/nice 4) we saw tons of wildlife: moose, elk, buffalo, bears, deer…

We still got lucky on this trip: we did see one bear and two elk, but other than that, on our three days on the trails, nothing! In conclusion, both places are definitely worth visiting. Grand Teton NP and Yellowstone are slightly less accessible, with Jackson Hole being the closest airport (often requiring a connecting flight) whereas Calgary is a short, direct flight from SFO followed by a 90-min drive. I highly recommend both, in case you’re asking!

Probably the most challenging part of this trip was us doing two moderate-to-strenuous hikes two days in a row and well, us realizing we’re not in as good of shape as we were two years ago. Plus, don’t discount the elevation. Haha. Those hikes really knocked the wind out of us, so for a couple of days, we lost a lot of steam and had to sleep a lot. Whatever though: that’s what vacation is for– resting. In terms of getting offline for a bit, I did pretty well. Partly, I had no choice, bc AT&T and T-Mobile had shit service in the mountains. Then another night, the wifi at the hotel knocked out due to a storm. I did squeeze in a tad bit of work and even sent off a couple of job apps. But seriously, I toned my online time WAY down. I give myself a gold star, for realz. I’m feeling decently rested now, but I’m eager to reunite with my Martin. Susan says he really hates the sub-q fluids. I have definitely noticed that he is getting more and more sensitive to the needles. I may have to try some new locations on his body due to the scar tissue. He has also become finicky again with his appetite, but otherwise, he is doing well considering the circumstances. Whew, Marty lasted another week! 😉

Wow, how is it fucking mid August  now? Shit man, back to work Monday. Gotta figure out how I’m going to get back into the groove. [FAG id=7443]

New Programs for June

J and I took a road trip to Santa Barbara last weekend. I actually took Friday off, and it was kinda weird: even though I could feel myself creeping closer and closer to the edge, the three days away somehow quantified just how much I’d let myself stray beyond my “happy” zone. The thing is, all this time, logically, my challenges were pretty straightforward. I already knew what the answer was… or at least, what part of the answer was. Still, for whatever reason, bridging that gap from knowing to doing is just not always easy.

I don’t like to use the word “depressed,” bc I know it’s a medical term that can apply to very extreme cases of mental illness. I don’t want to discredit/dismiss people who suffer from severe depression and who really require external assistance. I know that in many cases, combating depression is not just something people can WILL to change. That said, my recent funk had been going on for some time, where I frequently felt exhausted, lethargic, irritable, and unusually indifferent. I was also having more stressful dreams… I considered going back to therapy.

The weekend getaway helped me refocus on Bubbey and Marty. I mean, I don’t think it’s any real surprise that exercising (especially when you’re out of shape) forces the brain to stop the overthinking and get back to basics. We hiked at Carpinteria State Beach Park and the next day, we rented bikes in Solvang. OMFG, all the huffing and puffing after just a few short minutes really proved to me that fuck, I need to get my shit together!!! Part of me is mad for letting myself get so fucking out of whack. I mean, hell, this ain’t my first rodeo, you know??? I really should know better. But I suppose there’s little point in crying over what’s already done. I have to move forward and make changes to my life. Now.

So today is June 1 . My birthday is a week away, and reflecting on all the people and experiences I have had until now, I want to apply some lessons I have learned. I want to live and act consistently with my values. I know, so many vague hippie dippy words. What does all this mean?

1. Set stronger boundaries with work. I have struggled all my life with drawing this line. It’s complicated but obviously, these habits are tied to how I equate achievements with success and how I identify myself through work. I did minimal work while I was in Santa Barbara. I’ve started carpooling with a coworker in hopes of setting more stringent start/end times to my work day. I am also trying to exercise at lunch. The activity doesn’t have to be intense, but I HAVE to leave my desk and go outside.

2. Exercise. Yes, activity makes all the difference. I’ve witnessed the positive results before with myself (Hello, Fitbit!!), with John, and with Marty. It’s a no brainer. Tracy Andersen arms are coming soon. 🙂

3. Network. Eight months after pulling out of the job market, I can already feel my anti-social tendencies creeping back in. The thing is, I need to continue attending events, not only to keep my hard-earned networking/social skills sharp, but also to find new sources of inspiration. On Wednesday, I’m going to a Lean-In circle meeting in Palo Alto. The topic is social entrepreneurship.

4. Write. This blog is as much for you (ha!) as it is for me. 🙂 Getting some of my thoughts down in writing somehow clears the mental clutter and makes room for more productive and creative thoughts.

I have other things that I’m working on, but four is good for now. Pics below from our weekend getaway.[FAG id=7439]

Peruvian Posse in NorCal

I’d been in a funk lately. For me, the telltale signs are mostly related to my inactivity: I stop doing all my hobbies, so no exercising, no craft clubs, no wool felting, no ktv, no ukulele, and no planning. For Memorial Day weekend, my buddy P and her clan from Peru (as well as her new beau) were traveling to the Bay Area. For a few weeks beforehand, she’d been trying to see if J and I would be in town, but the most I was willing to commit to was that they were welcome to stay at our house, but we weren’t sure if we were going to head out of town on a way overdue QT trip or what. Well finally, the week of, I confirmed that indeed we were sticking around. Normally, I’d be super excited and enthusiastic. After all, I’d met her sister a few years back, and we also traveled together in NYC. This time around, her sis now has a cute baby girl in tow, and this trip would also be my first time meeting P’s new man C… but I just wasn’t feeling my usual level of energy and anticipation. And the last time P and I were together, we had put Remy down during her visit. Yes, I was def due to for a new, happier last memory.

So yeah, I didn’t plan a damn thing for their arrival and stay. But you know what? It all worked out just fine. I mean, the weekend was packed, and the Houseboat was definitely at max capacity (five adult guests + an 18-month old) with seven adults total, a dog, and a baby. But the most important thing is that we had a great time! And turns out, the time with friends, some traveling, some wine, and beautiful destinations helped get me out of my head a little. We didn’t have much private time to catch up, but I was glad to see P happy. Her beau is handsome, attentive, considerate, and reliable. I’m comforted knowing that she’s with someone who seems like a good, caring person.

Other observations: the crew arrived Friday night. Immediately, I noticed the very different cultural differences re: family interactions. Whenever I visit with my family, things are super low-key, serious, quiet, and mellow. OMG, the Peruvians are hyper, chatty, and uber animated! First, P was doting over the baby like crazy. Baby M is very cute but still. P was gushing all over her, speaking to her a million miles a minute in Spanish. Then, P and her sister are so sweet together. I mean, clearly very close. The total opposite of me and Johnny. Families can be so different.

On Saturday, the clan headed up to SF for Alcatraz and Fisherman’s Wharf. J and I stayed home. I don’t know what we did. Just hung around and took Marty to the park I think. At night, the group returned for dinner. We BBQed, and her beau’s friends came over from Sunnyvale. That all went pretty well except that after midnight, most everyone seemed beat and ready for bed, but the guests would NOT leave. I mean, we had people rolling out the foam mattress in the living room and someone else was falling asleep on the couch, and still, the guests didn’t get the hint. Very odd.

Finally, on Sunday, we all headed up to Napa. Damn, that place is expensive, but shit, so freaking beautiful. Another fun day: we hit up some wineries I’d never visited before… on the advice of P’s friend who used to live in Napa. Nice finds, and I’m going to remember them for my next batch of out-of-towners. Another very long day, where we got home after dark. Then another friend of theirs came over and stayed awhile. J and I retired to the bedroom to rest, and then we zonked out. Man, all that social interaction and traveling is exhausting for introverts like us!

On Monday, we hit up Sausalito. We had some BBQd oysters from Fish, right along the water. Pretty tasty. Yeah, we did a lot that weekend. But now we need a vacation from the holiday weekend.[FAG id=7437]

Livin’ La Vida Loca in Miami

Oh shit, my blogging is all out of whack. I never wrote a recap of Miami…

My college bud J and I had a great time catching up in Miami. He flew in for less than 48 hours, but we did and saw a ton. And that’s kinda how he likes to roll. Several years ago, John and I met up with him in Austin for a 3-day weekend. We travel very well together: a lot of hanging out over meals, walking around, checking out parks, and then finding local food joints and music spots. Incidentally, J was telling me how this trip was oddly meant to be: in March, he had entered and won the NCAA bball office pool, and Duke won this year, so this last minute splurge was our little toast to Duke! Haha, who knew the alma mater would pay us back this way?

So Thursday night, he got in pretty late. We hit up a local bar and scarffed down uber greasy mac and cheese and other unhealthy bar food. Then we chatted all the way home. Eventually, he crashed but I was still wired, up til 4a!! The next morning, I was sooo tired but I was up at the crack of dawn doing work remotely. Some huge donor announcement where everyone at the school was freaking out for no damn reason. Seriously, I did my parts and then all morning long, while I was trying to pay attention in the sessions, the boss kept sending me text messages and this and that. I was getting so annoyed, again, with this feigned importance.

The sessions wrapped around noon; I went back up to the room and then J was stressing about not working Friday afternoon. See? I told you we’re both fucking workaholics. I ended up taking a nap, bc I was so damn tired. And he was glad to squeeze in a few more hours of work. Finally, at like 5p, we were ready to hit up South Beach. Except that the front desk told us rush hour traffic across the bridge was no joke. Ugh! So instead, we decided to walk from the Financial District north towards the bridge (7 miles). We stopped at a park or two and then grabbed happy hour bites along the waterfront. The funny thing about J is that he works for a tech/software company, but he’s super low tech. Never once when we were hanging out did he ever bust out his Blackberry. It was initially a little weird considering phones are so damn ubiquitous in Silicon Valley, but after awhile, it was refreshing to actually have someone’s undivided attention. Wow, imagine that.

We talked a lot about work and life. He hates his work, and yet many years in, he’s still there doing patent law. He’s terribly unhappy, and the high stress and long hours have taken a toll: he appears thinner than the last time I saw him, and he looks tired. It really made me wonder: why is life such a goddamn conundrum for so many people? I feel like we’re all smart, driven, and resourceful individuals, and yet we just can’t seem to get this shit right. And while we procrastinate and flounder grinding through day to day, we only prolong the damage and self destruction. I know money is necessary for survival: it affords us security and flexibilty and freedom, plus so many material comforts. It’s critical, but how much and at what cost? Meanwhile time just keeps ticking…

I worry about my friend. At times, I listen to him and I see this miserable picture. He’s single: paid off his school loans, doesn’t have debt, no spouse/sig other, no kids. If ANYone could up and leave and try something entirely new, it seems he would be that person. But as he explains, being an attorney has exacerbated his already worrisome and neurotic nature. Working in law, he’s constantly planning against things going wrong, protecting for worst-case scenarios. Consequently, risk is now something that is scarier than ever to him, bc he has to zone in on it and obsess over it in his daily work. J has always had an enormously high threshold for pain, but somehow I feel like he’s nearing a tipping point. I am hopeful that he will break the cycle soon.

Other incidents in South Beach: we arrived around 7:30p. I threw off my shoes and walked on the beach, headed for the water. Aahh, so much warmer than back West. There were lots of hard bodies in SB. I think there was a CrossFit class going on also. Take it easy, meatheads. For dinner, we hit up a local Cuban chain restaurant, where I ordered a super tasty chicken special. The meat had been slow cooked for like 30 hrs.

Interestingly, my entire time in Florida, I wanted to try Lyft, the Uber competitor. My buddy D recently used the service and loved it. He sent me a referral link with a $20 credit. I’ve never actually used Uber myself. I don’t like their vibe: the CEO is an asshole. I read something recently where he gave some inappropriate/lame response to an incident where a female passenger was driven somewhere remote and raped by the driver. So yeah, I was stoked to try Lyft and I figured having a buddy would be the perfect opportunity to give the service a try. Nope, J flat out refused on grounds that it was not legit and too risky. Yup, a total glimpse into what he had revealed earlier. No Lyft for me this time.

On Saturday, we got up early to hit up Vizcaya House and Gardens, some part-time home for a wealthy agriculture industrialist from a long time ago. I really like historic mansions with gardens. The architecture of this one felt a little on the creepy, decrepit side, but the property location was stellar: right there on the water. As I prepared to leave for the hotel then airport, I received a message that my flight was delayed 2 hours. Fine, we walked around a bit more and then instead of cabbing back to the hotel, we took the free Miami trolley. Yeah, we figured out the route and schedule NOT by looking shit up with our phones but by reading the posted schedules and guidelines at the busstop!! Kicking it old school.

The rest of the day was pretty long. The delayed flight was even MORE delayed (no explanations from AA and we sat on the tarmac forEVER), causing me to arrive in SFO too late to get Marty. Yup, another night with the sitter.

Overall though, Miami was a productive and fun trip. I learned a lot at the conference; I made some contacts; I got shit done; and we squeezed in a ton of fun activities. Oh, I almost forgot to give a shoutout to my bud E, who met up for dinner and drinks my very first night there. E and I met two years ago at the BlogHer conference. She runs the genius MommyMafia blog, which btw has taken off crazy in two very short years. E is originally from southern California, but she’s been in Miami for a decade plus (??) now. We’ve been in touch on and off since we first met (we met up for BlogHer last year in San Jose), so when I was on her turf, she was sweet enough to meet up for dinner at a Peruvian spot (where she was sweatin’ our waiter Ramses), and then she showed me around the famous Delano Hotel in South Beach. That’s where we sipped champagne sitting at a table IN the pool. I also admired the beautiful flowy white curtains in the hotel lobby and imagined that I was in the Ricky Martin video that was shot there years ago. 🙂 It was so fun seeing E again. I can honestly say that the Vicky from a few years back would never have reached out to someone I’d met at an event and asked her to hang out. But I’m glad that I adopted some new game-changing practices from my yearlong sabbatical. We had a great time, and I hope the next time she’s in the Bay Area, she’ll hit me up!

As for my buddy J, we’ll see how things go for him at work over the next several months… Who knows, maybe he’ll surprise me like he did by agreeing to meet up last minute in Florida![FAG id=7430]

Day 2 of the Conference

OMG, I got zero sleep last night. Yes, I practically had a slumber party all by myself. You see, yesterday morning, I just had to try the in-room espresso machine, bc well fuck, that shit is free. Nevermind that I am super duper HYPERsensitive to caffeine. I figured, heck, I had all damn day to let that shit process through my body. Well, the conference ran 1 – 7p, and then since the pool was closed (major banker hours), I ended up hanging in my room doing work. Then I blogged. Then, whatever, whatever, the next thing I know, it’s fucking 4:30a and I have to get up before 8 to hop in the shower and continue my free-a-thon with the continental breakfast. I know, it’s my own damn fault. I kill myself.

Day 2 of the conference was good except that I kept getting bullshit work email, so that was distracting. And then the conference did this experimental live streaming session with panelists in the UK. The audio sucked, and then on top of that, it like required too much brain power for me to decipher their accents. I know, the Brit accent isn’t that severe, but I’m a tard. Too much brain power. Even though I zoned out on some of the sessions, I did much better today making connections, i.e. spamming people with my business cards.

I have to say, the higher ed scene is an interesting space. It actually feels very high school. The development people are all the cheerleader/cool kids with their school spirit and leadership and involvement (both as students and as alums). The communications people are a lot of ex-journos, so extroverted and curious. The data/techie people are more in the weeds. So the morning keynote yesterday was this Ken-doll-esque sports captain dude with two Ivy League degrees. He’s the CEO of a data aggregation platform that we actually use at my school. For my own professional dev challenge, I knew I had to make the connection. Well all day yesterday, people swarmed around him. I felt intimidated, not only by his academic pedigree but you know, big dog CEO plus he’s all JFK and shit. I dunno. So today, I finally caught him in a solo moment, engrossed on his phone and laptop, and then I went in for the kill. I said that I really enjoyed his talk yesterday, and he replied, “Why?” Yeah, I had to do a double take! What an unexpected reply. It was fine: I explained my connection to his company, that I used his tool last night, blah, blah. I think I played it cool, but I was def a little thrown off. And of course, he later introduced me to another client. In a very high school fashion, she barely gave me two seconds to exchange cards. That’s what I mean. More so than any other industry conference I have attended, this conference really has a strange way of transporting me back to high school with all its awkward and insecure moments.

And let me just say… those development people? Always so beautiful and polished and confident. I mean, it makes sense. They’re the schmoozers, right? I remember a few years back, I toyed with this idea of working in sales. I was convinced that a sales gig would give me super powers, and I would finally be able to stop being inconvenienced by my discomfort and social awkwardness. When I mentioned this to J and all my friends, they all just shook their heads, without a second of hesitation. I mean, radical honesty is radical honesty. They didn’t see it. I actually think I could do it. I might not be super good at it, and it might drain me, but I think I could definitely learn and improve enough to be decent. I mean I did cold calls at the fuel cell startup, and I was ok. Then again, I admit, it would probably never come naturally. Still, how cool to have that charisma and instant magnetism. Haha, listen to me. What it must be like to be cool and popular. Sigh, sigh! See??? Back in high school again.

Anyway, like I said, I met a lot of people today. I happened to sit next to a UC Santa Cruz person, and then she introduced me to a Mills College lady and a guy from UCLA. Interestingly, all of them were former journalists. Isn’t that sad? Fucking news, man. No one cares anymore about the cold hard facts. People just want to see fluffed, sensationalized crap. And social totally aids and abets that shift. We went to a ceviche spot together for lunch. I also met the ED of Marketing and Comm for Texas A&M. Wow, the way he described Galveston there on the ocean. Sounded beautiful PLUS their mascot is a mini horse. I mean, I’m sold!! Texas anyone?

So my bud Josh flies in tonight. Kinda late, so I’m going to research some food options for a late dinner. I managed to squeeze in some pool and hot tub time earlier as soon as the sessions let out. Still cloudy outside but the pool was nice. I dunno why more people don’t go in the pool. They just lay around, and there’s no f-ing sun!! Doesn’t make sense. I went in the hot tub too. It was super hot (yay!) and cloudy as hell. So kinda gross, but I made the best of it. Incidentally, I just discovered a foosball table in the next building. Love foosball. We’ll see if J is up for a game later.

Hello from Miami

So I took a long break from blogging… yeah, after I bruised my nose from the iPad crashing down on my face, I decided I couldn’t be writing posts half asleep. To be honest, I started writing a long post about friendships (surprise, surprise) and then I just kept wasting time on it, bc I couldn’t seem to get the gist right. For now, I have abandoned the draft, bc I don’t have time to keep reworking it. After all, time’s a tickin’, and as it is, I’m freaking all the way across the country now in Miami.

Quick recap: John’s mom is still in the acute rehab facility. She is doing well. She has her hospital posse going on. For one thing, she shares a room with another lady, and they’re so chatty, they don’t even use the room divider curtain thing for personal privacy! J is still back East. He and his siblings finally convinced the parents to move into a 2 BR apartment within an assisted living community. I know it’s a huge change, and I try to be understanding about it, but I guess I also feel really protective of J. He’s been there now for three weeks, handling everything from cooking meals for his dad, to decluttering, to driving them back/forth to the hospital, to organizing, to now packing and moving. If we thought him working at a startup was exhausting and 24/7, this eldercare shit is no. fucking. joke. And incidentally, J comes from a family of chatterboxes, so for an introvert who needs his recharge quiet time, all the human interaction is draining even if his threshold for family is high. He’s been amazing, and they are so lucky to have him willing and able to help.

I really hate to be one of THOSE people crying over spilled milk (or is it spoiled milk), but Jesus Christ. So much of this chaos could have been minimized. For YEARS, J and his siblings broached these difficult topics of aging with the parents. From asking them to consider cleaning services and food delivery, to setting up health directives and wills, to using a cane/walker, to thinking about moving out of their split level home… And yet every single time, their good intentions were met with anger and frustration and resistance. I’m a stubborn person. I understand that when I think I’m right, I don’t want to be bullied into changing my mind. But I dunno. There’s just something about the lack of awareness/self-perception and consequently, the denial and refusal that tries my patience, and I’m not even involved in any of the conversations. Fuck, man. It sounds so frickin’ hard. No wonder Bubbey’s EQ and people skills are “world-class.” I would have lost my shit a million times over.

The good news is that things are finally in motion, regardless of how the cascade of events was triggered. They move on Friday, and Bubbey returns one week after that. Yes, he is going to need a major vacation after all this. Interestingly, as all of this has gone down, I have been telling my parents: figure your shit out bc otherwise, I am going to just come in and bulldoze. I mean, I’m giving them fair warning. And hell, they KNOW I have zero patience, so that’s that. If you don’t figure it out ahead of time, I’m calling all the shots. If you want slow-moving indecisive bullshit, go call on my brother. Doh!!

As for my grandfather, he has graduated from in-home (visiting) physical therapy sessions. The therapists now say he has to go to a local facility with more equipment, bc the daily household exercises are just too easy for him. Yup, my Yebbie is crazy athletic. Did I even tell you? On like the second day after he moved in with my parents, my father found gramps downstairs in the basement, trying out the brand new elliptical machine I had bought my parents in February. Homeboy like made his own way down the stairs and climbed on the equipment. My dad was like, “Hold on, here. You can’t be getting on this thing just yet. You just got home from rehab!!” Yeah man. Yebbie is on the move and cannot be stopped. Thank goodness my parents confiscated his car keys, bc gramps was looking for his keys as soon as he got out of the hospital. Fucking fugitive.

What else. Oh, I had lunch with the boss to celebrate my six months on the job. My actual anniversary date was 4/20, so while I was prepping my bullet points for the conversation (outlining my accomplishments and list of requests/demands), I imagine much of the rest of CA was busy smoking pot. Haha. Yeah, I got all decked out in my power dress too. We had a good conversation. I talked about my challenges, the work load, what I like/dislike… and then I launched into it. But before I was even able to rattle off my items, she stopped me and said she already put in for an increase. It’s not going to be a boost like they do in the corporate world, but it will be within what the institution can do. So now we wait to see if her boss gives the green light. At the time, I was pretty pleased to hear this, but in retrospect, I feel like I should have pressed for details, like how much and what’s the timeline and can it be retroactive. Fucking A. This shit always comes to me AFTER the situation is over. Ah well. Guess I’ll just wait and see.

Meanwhile, the latest newbie is like stressing out every damn day. I mean for sure, she is hypersensitive and perfectionist. She admits this. As a former neurotic stressball myself, I get it: I used to be super reactive about EVERYTHING. Thankfully, in my old age and with the help of Bubbey, I have really chilled the fuck out. And I suppose my last job also gave me lots of practice with the constant disruptions and crisis mode bullshit. The thing with my coworker is that she’s having trouble adjusting and rather than internalize like I do (or I blab to my friends), she has to talk it out like then and there, so she just barges in and dumps it all… which is fine (this ain’t my first rodeo), but don’t expect me to join in escalating that shit, you know? I mean, I know some people are just all about the drama: I have been friends with people like that; I have worked with people like that. It’s ridiculous: every single thing is some kind of personal affront. The truth is, people are NOT that aware. Seriously, people are clueless dumb fucks. I know bc I’m sometimes one of those people wandering about the world, unintentionally cutting people off on the highway, saying nothing at all or something abrupt to a coworker walking down the hall bc I’m preoccupied with something else. But really, contrary to what my mother insisted while I was growing up, not every person is like deliberately trying to thwart you/me. And then beyond that, some people are just chronically frenzied. Like my current boss is perpetually frantic. You have to just understand that SHE is kinda all over the place. That said, not everything she brings to your attention is urgent and immediate. She’s just sharing to put the ball in your court, but you can determine the priority and handle it on your schedule. Anyway, I was trying to express this to my coworker. I felt like past coworkers had also shared this observation with me. But she doesn’t seem convinced. She wants to read it like a personal attack. So fine. Whatever. Go get yourself bent out of shape about it.

Fast forward: Now I’m in Miami for a social media conference. I flew in yesterday, and originally, I had all these grand plans to have people join me and share the swanky hotel room. My bud N was interested, but she had just recovered from back surgery and needed to head back to work. My friend M had some mandatory training at work. Bubs was stuck in MD. And then my other friends are now mothers. But hell, I am a determined beotch, so my hopes weren’t to be foiled. I called up my college buddy J and made the offer. Like with one week’s notice. Granted, J is a planner. He’s not an impulsive or frivolous person, so I fully expected a rejection. But whatdya fucking know? It’s a short, quick trip, but heck, he’s doing it and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Thursday night to Saturday lunch. I’m telling you, even friends you think you have completely figured out: they can still surprise you. I think Bubbey thought we were gonna have separate rooms, but I mean, that defeats the purpose of the free hotel stay!! Duh. Bubs is ok but not super thrilled. Whatever, man. J and I went to college together. He dates back pre-Bubbey even. Actually, I met J my sophomore year (same dorm) and John that summer. So it’s close, but these are silly irrational fears. John knows him, we’ve traveled together, and fuck man, I’m going to be wearing my organic cotton PJs– yes, the ones that look like a concentration camp uniform. In my defense, many years ago, J went solo to a friend’s wedding, and he shared a room with his ex. The thing is, we all have irrational fears. I refuse to let them paralyze me. Bottom line: if Bubs gives me his word, I choose to believe him. And the same goes for him. Heck, my word is even stronger than his, so trust, baby!

One of those Days

Today was our big one-day fundraising campaign at work. Basically, we were tasked with getting 4,000 donations within 24 hours in order to receive a half mil donation from an alumni couple. Leading up to this event, I was starting to get a little stressed. The goal not only seemed rather arbitrary, but it was also kinda ambitious. I couldn’t sleep the night before. In fact, I had an anxiety nightmare where in my dream, I woke up three hours late, and the boss was calling/texting asking where the fuck I was. Of course, in real life, I got up really early and was the first one into the office. I did the pre-launch tweaks and then we were off to races at 8a sharp. From then on, I pretty much live-tweeted all damn day. Along the way, my tightass coworker came by and made a comment about me being cranky lately (Hardly!! I was livid that ONE day last week and that didn’t even involve a face-to-face confrontation!), but she said on the plus side, I was doing a great job, and hopefully, my mood would be better after the campaign was over. Nice. Is she my mother, bc I am all too familiar with that backhanded compliment bullshit. That said, in moments like these, I try to embrace the radical honesty approach. Maybe I just need to be more cognizant of how I react. Regardless, the morning kicked off pretty well. There were a lot of interruptions, including an oddly-timed project meeting (uh, why wouldn’t you meet to discuss logistics and details BEFORE the event?), but thankfully, my last workplace trained me well for frequent disruptions and random meetings. Then, a couple of times, my boss invited the head honcho to my office to show him 1) a video made by my new coworker and our intern and 2) my social media control center. I was like, why does he need to see my twitter/social media admin pages? Just tell him what I do. But she felt it was important for him to see it. I dunno. So fine. I was feeling ok, because the donation numbers were climbing rather steadily (about half way to the goal before 1p). On the other hand, the head honcho expressed that he was “concerned.” Dude, we’re only 5 hours into the challenge. He then admitted to being a worry wort. Great, just what I need. An hour later, the executive director of the student call center came by and asked what else I had planned for social. He said things were starting to level off. Uh, it’s called the post-lunch food coma. Do you really think people are productive and on it in full force straight through the day? Uh hello, who do you think they are, ME?? Haha. Kidding aside, these two were starting to stress me out. About another hour later, the office manager forwards me an email from a young alum complaining about the quality of the institution’s social media channels. I’m paraphrasing here but her basic gist is: The content doesn’t reflect all the world-changing work the community is doing. There are all these irrelevant memes that water down how the school will be taken seriously. The photos are shit. I talked with my colleagues, and we looked at competitor schools’ social channels together, and they all agree with me. Generally, I consider myself a logical thinker. I like to examine both sides and thoroughly think about multiple facets. And I’m sure that on any other day, I would have been irritated by the criticism but not upset. But this afternoon just started turning to sludge really fast. On top of me doing the constant live-tweeting crap, people kept harassing me about making my personal donation to the effort. Yeah, basically, all faculty and staff were expected to give something. It’s fine, it’s not as if I don’t have $10 to give, but I just really don’t appreciate the bullying/peer pressure tactic. Still, I know I have to pick and choose my battles, so I agreed to donate. Well, I dunno if people didn’t have confidence in my follow-through or what. They kept bringing it up. Blah blah. I was the ONLY one in the entire staff of 100+ people who hadn’t given yet. Meanwhile, the challenge runs through 8a the next day. We have time. I know people weren’t intending to be naggy, but I really don’t like being told repeatedly what to do. It’s like living with my Chinese parents all over again. I’m very automatic in that once you tell me what has to be done, I figure out the how and why by the designated deadline. So yeah, all of that bullshit combined with this feedback email just caused a mini meltdown. Not a huge and dramatic one, but definitely one where talking about it to my bud K resulted in a quivering voice and tears. The great thing about K is that she groks things super quickly. She understood that multiple factors in this moment– me already being doubtful of social media and modern day communications in general, my annoyance with incompetent people across campus, my personal quasi-self destructive OCD/workaholic tendencies, my recent existential crisis– culminated into this (im)perfect storm. She reminded me that this person’s was one comment out of thousands of people who follow the page. I knew the sense in that argument, but I just couldn’t control my response today. And in turn, I was pretty pissed about having such a thin skin. Suck it up, wussy pants! By 4p, we had hit 3,000 donors. I heard the development folks cracking open the booze. On my drive home, we actually met the 4,000 mark. Just as I sat down to eat dinner, my boss texted asking what I was going to post for reaching the goal. Uh, the challenge keeps running until tomorrow morning. I can tweet about reaching the goal and then post final numbers and thanks after the campaign ends. She really wanted us to post tonight. Ok. That makes sense too. Interestingly, a few weeks back, I had specifically asked Development for some guidance should the goal be met early. Would there be a second goal? Any language? I was told the goal most definitely wouldn’t be reached until overnight. Ok, thanks for that misguidance. Fine. Did some minor tweaks and then posted. Done. As soon as I got that finished, I came across one of my dad’s emails (which I get tasked with monitoring while he is overseas– not that he doesn’t have wifi over there!) and learned that my grandfather in Maryland fell, had brain surgery, and was in a coma. WTF. So I called my dad in Taiwan, and he had found out himself via email. Jesus Christ. He doesn’t check email daily, so like we are dealing with the goddamn pony express in 2015. I dunno whether people don’t know how to make international calls, or dad is being cheap or what, but some news requires the phone!!! So when I talked with him, he was trying to get a flight back home. No flights. Had my cousin trying to help with that. And no conversations with the doctor or nurse. I mean, I understand the scramble, but before you hurry to get flights, should’t you assess the situation? I call my grandmother, and their friend Mrs. Li (who drove my grandfather to the hospital) answers the phone. She’s speaking to me in Chinese, so some of the medical stuff I don’t know the translation, but she suggests that the situation is serious. At the same time, she suggests that I NOT hurry home, reasoning that he is in a coma, and I can’t do anything for him. I then call the nurse. Kind of a different story. He fell and hit his head. They did surgery to drill a hole in his head to remove the hematoma and drain/relieve pressure. Surgery went fine. He is intubated to help with breathing, but he can breathe on his own. When they tried to remove the tube, he had a seizure which sometimes happens after head injury. He is in a medically induced coma but is stable. Aside from the head injury, all other vital functions check out fine. I call my dad with the information. Why didn’t he call the nurse directly? He’s a retired doctor, so this would have all made sense. Sure, the nurse was reluctant to talk, saying she could only reveal information to family on site. I explained that I was his closest family right now with my parents being overseas. It took some explanation, but then she talked. Regardless, my parents wanted to come home. My cousin was supposedly not finding any flights back to the US. Meanwhile, I logged into dad’s United miles account and got three award tickets for that evening. Done. Then, I got my own ticket for an hour later from when I booked. Done. Threw shit into a suitcase and Bubbey drove like Speed Racer to get me to SFO. I was the last one to board the plan, and I was sweating like a pig, with my fucking suffocating toupee on. I was going to wait til take off to remove. Well, a mechanical problem delayed us an hour with all the cabinet lights on. Then when we finally went to take off, the plane sped up, then slowed, sped up, then slowed. Back to the gate for a different maintenance. We finally got in the air at 1a. Fucking A. This was one helluva never-ending day.

Learning Lessons

My visit with the parentals this time was pretty boring and uneventful. A week ago, they had gone out for Chinese buffet with some friends and since then, dad’s been battling GI issues. That’s the polite way of saying it. Don’t make me spell it out. Needless to say, he wasn’t feeling well physically. Couple that with his recent depression, and he just has no energy and no motivation. I ran errands for them and also managed to clean out my old bedroom closet, which happens to be chock full of my mom’s crap. You would not believe, but she had outfits in there from when I was a kid, and when she was in her 30s: elastic waists, crazy boxy, cropped cuts, shoulder pads… I mean, clearly the hoarding runs in the family, because as I cleaned out some of my dresser drawers, I also found my own share of junk, including old awards, my varsity letter for track, a freaking camera with 110 film still in there…

I did make some progress but not nearly enough. The next morning, I located a nearby Goodwill donation bin and dropped off an entire trunk full of clothes and goods. Honestly, I didn’t even make a dent though, because their house is massive (even by East Coast standards)…

By the time I reunited with J again at his parents’ house, I started feeling really stressed. I seriously do NOT know how my parents (and grandparents, who are even worse!!) are going to get rid of all their stuff. It’s like the constant dilemma for modern living. You buy things (sometimes really nice things) because stuff makes a home, and you enjoy the stuff. But then the accumulating just never stops and before you know it, you are buried in stuff that you really can’t take with you as you wind down in your life. When I get back to Cali, I will have to research a bunch of services: hoard cleaning services, junk haulers, etc.

Yesterday, on our last evening in Maryland, I just started crying. Earlier in the day, dad came to me and apologized for not showing us a good time. He was sorry that we’d spent all this money and time to visit, and he wasn’t feeling well– mentally and physically. It’s ok, I mean, we aren’t like guests or tourists coming to town needing to be entertained. At the same time, I do feel so frustrated, weighed down by my own mental instability and then having that coupled with the obvious misery of so many around me. I just feel overwhelmed like I can’t sustain it all.

I suggested dad talk to a therapist, and what do I get? Resistance. Sound familiar? He insists he knows what has to be done. Part of me wants to lose my shit and say, well I’m dealing with my own bullshit, and if you aren’t going to help yourself and do SOMEthing, what the hell can I do? But I keep quiet. I suggest that he recover from his current GI issue, and as soon as he feels better, tackle exercise and all the rest (better mood and lower blood pressure) will follow. Sigh, sigh. Of course all of this applies to myself, to J. I am so similar to my father, it is unreal.

Later that day, I came across an article about how NOT to deal with depressed people. Don’t tell them to pull themselves up by the bootstraps. Ok, well I fucked that up also. I feel really tired of it all.

I’m hoping that just going back home and reuniting with Marty will help me regain some energy and motivation. With depression, if you do only ONE thing a day, it has to be this: Don’t give up hope.

On that slightly more positive note, I was happy to hear from my friend L the other day. He hadn’t heard from me in a while and checked in with well wishes for the holiday. I replied with apologies saying it had been an intense and challenging couple of months with the new job… but I was hoping to bring balance back into the equation. L is kinda my unknowing mentor; I feel like he always has such wisdom to share. He replied again saying something like, “I think you eat intense and challenging for dessert,” which kinda made me chuckle. I see some truth in his statement, but am I really that bad??? Ok, maybe don’t answer that. Then L said you can only find balance when you understand first what is out of balance, and stasis doesn’t necessarily equate to balance… sometimes I feel like he speaks in riddles, but my curiosity is always piqued. I hope we’ll get the chance to catch up again soon. I could use some non-preachy advice these days.