Category Archives: Travel

Full Cup

OMG, December is back. Another full year comes to a close and honestly, all the days just keep passing faster and faster. Next thing, I’ll be 65 years old with a head of grays!!

Let’s rewind just a tad: November was a crazy month. H and I were all set to close on our San Mateo townhouse listing, the second deal with a couple referred to me by my good friend T. The sale of their very nice townhome had its challenges. Sure, the owners had poured tons into this stunning end-unit, with thoughtfully-selected, high end elements and design. Unfortunately, the home sat at a busy intersection (4-lane streets) and on top of that major ding for buyers, the fire station was directly in front.

Needless to say, we prepared a strong marketing plan and got hundreds of visitors through the open house. In the end, we even received FIVE offers. The numbers were right on track with what we anticipated through our price research, and that was of course, still below seller’s expectation.

Nonetheless, they wanted to proceed. Long story short, a strong buyer represented by a flat-fee discount agent scored the win. I warned that working with a discount agent would have its complications but the clients wanted their number. So fine… we proceeded with the sloppiest, most frustrating buyer agent team ever… All was actually moving along swimmingly until suddenly, not.

The day after the original expected close of escrow, the sellers went from 0 to 100 on the “fed up” scale in a flash. There were threats of canceling the transaction, threats of legal action, constant insistence that they “need to be made whole” etc. In the end, we closed 5 days later (including the weekend) and Jesus Christ, for the level of escalation, extra calls, messages, negotiations, and work, it was totally moot.

But the good news is we got ‘er done. Too bad a blossoming work relationship ended with a bad taste. That’s the thing with people: they can still surprise you with their irrationality. Sigh.

Oh well, I only lost like five years off my life. SMH. The stress had gotten so high, I was nauseas for days and couldn’t sleep, no appetite, lost weight in a week. I got totally wrecked, not to mention the strain on my relationship with my biz partner. Live and learn, I suppose. I’m glad it’s done, and as J reminds me: none of the verbal accolades/affirmations are needed bc “that’s what the money is for.” I mean, come on, throw me a bone since I busted ass for you!! Whatever. I know deep down, we did a great job on this deal. Whether the client acknowledges, is their thing. For sure, I’ll make some tweaks for next time. Kaizen, baby!

So now we’re into mid-December, and I am actually blogging from Taiwan. Yup, here for my annual pilgrimage to see the parentals. This time I came solo, bc Bubs is taking care of Benny, whose hind legs no longer work. In most other regards, Benny is doing pretty good– deaf but still tracking us, still eating/drinking/pooping regularly. Unfortunately, getting him upright from lying position puts extra stress on this thighs and butt, so there ARE more accidents indoors now, but at least his stool is dry and we’ve managed. Sorry, probably TMI with the biohazards.

Day 1 in Taiwan went pretty well. This trip, I decided to change up my strategy. In the past, I was always very minimalist with my packing. Everything I transported had to fit into my carry-on, so my toiletries/amenities got stripped down to the bare minimum. This time, I opted for the opposite. Screw the carry-on only. I planned to check a bag, and more importantly, I was going to have all the amenities for that killer 13+ hr flight in economy. Yup, in anticipation of entering the Heart of Darkness without my Bubbey buffer, I needed to have my cup totally FULL, like overflowing in order to survive the next 10 days in Nagler’s Cove. Seriously, I gave it a lot of thought. In the past, going bare bones meant I slept like shit on the plane, my skin got dry and itchy, and then I would just arrive exhausted, tired, and super irritable. That served no one. Maybe Operation Full Cup would improve my comfort and resilience?

I’m now at Day 2, and I have to say, I’m feeling pretty good re: jet lag. It’s possibly too early to say, but I am hopeful that I finally cracked the code. If you’re curious, here are the components of my maximalist strategy:

  • Sleepopolis Jet Lag Calculator to establish a rough guide, combining lightbox exposure with sleep schedule shifts a couple days ahead of the flight.
  • large blanket
  • compression socks and slippers
  • J travel pillow
  • eye mask
  • non-skinny pants/jeans
  • moisturizer and water bottle
  • Bose noise-cancelling over-ear headphones (there was a sick/crying baby directly behind me!)

On arrival and after customs/immigration, I also used my travel towel to squeeze in a quick free shower. No one else used this amenity, so it was clean and ready. Special s/o to Bub for the discovery!

To my surprise, I was able to last the entire first day, touching down at 5am Sunday and going to bed after dinner around 7pm. Let’s see how I feel as the trip progresses.

Annual Pilgrimage

This fall, as the elections came into full swing, I really tried to maintain some positivity before my annual pilgrimage to Taiwan. I was feeling hopeful and encouraged by the groundswell of the Harris Walz campaign… she had somehow managed to turn this sinking ship around from the doldrums of watching two grandpas duke things out to infusing the efforts with so much promise, vibrance, humor, wit, energy… I was feeling so good about where we were all headed.

Meanwhile, I couldn’t help but feel that my inner circle had reservations. Even friends who I considered to be more positive than I, expressed reluctance and skepticism. It was starting to irk me, tbh. I mean, seriously, we had Beyonce and Taylor Swift… ridiculous donation bucks. What was it going to take to get you people to be convinced?!?!?

Well, turns out I was the dumbass left holding the bag. The intelligentsia around me had all been holding their breath, and goddamn, I went to bed that night so defeated and so disenchanted wondering what on Earth just happened.

The next day, we were slated to fly out to Taiwan. Every year the trip to see my parents is riddled with stress and dread. I had really wanted to exuberance of the elections to fill my cup and get me emotionally/mentally ready for a stressful 12 days in Asia. No. such. luck.

While we waited on the airport lounge for our flight, I was obsessed with reading the news, trying to understand what the fuck just happened. Who did this? Why did the Dems fail so miserably? What I found echoed some similar phrases I had been hearing among the local elites (which I consider my inner circle to be): The Dem’s have no strategy. Their marketing sucks. Their messaging sucks. There’s no plan. WTF are you talking about?

She had a plan. She proposed specific initiatives. What was HIS plan? I was so pissed that once again the woman was somehow to blame. What did you need to hear? Tell me exactly what it is you needed to hear to be convinced that she was the right candidate for the job, and he wasn’t. I’m not satisfied with any of it. And so I sat at the lounge table eating my free but tasteless snacks, my eyes welling up. I sobbed. It was the worst day. And now I was headed to see my family and I was possibly to be in the presence of my anti-vaxer brother. All my plans to fill my cup crashed and burned.

Overall the trip went fine. Better than expected. It helped that John did some last minute finagling to score us biz class tickets on the ride over. Fucking 14 hours and the lie-flat seats were freaking amazeballs. He had been talking it up for years, and it just felt like such an unnecessary luxury. Well, this time it was essential. Flight over was great.

Visit with the parentals went fine. Thankfully, Mom had recently entered a quieter phase, so instead of all her angry outbursts and toxic accusations last year, she was pretty quiet. During the 12 days, she still had her moments and she still bites and pinches, but she seemed more tolerable. My brother was there, we had some civil conversations, but he doesn’t look well. He’s too far in on these bohemian health tonics and supplements but I just have to let it go. It’s not my job to save him. There were a few eruptions between him and my father that I had to break up and talk them down. You know I’ve had some kind of massive breakthrough when Vicky Volcano is the calm one.

Interestingly, I visited with a few of my cousins and my oldest aunt. My one cousin who is 52 y/o had the nerve to tell me it’s not too late for me to have kids. I can still get it done for the family. My aunt then proceeded with her annual message: You know, if you were a typical daughter in Taiwan whose father begged/asked her to have children, 99% of them would have acquiesced to their parents’ dream. No one would deny something that their parents wanted so badly. Gee, thanks. First, I’m not a typical Taiwanese daughter. Second, I’m 48 y/o, why are you telling me this, as if I had ANY regrets about my decision? As if I’d even consider changing my mind. Jesus Christ, stay in your fucking lane already.

Needless to say, 12 days was a goddamn eternity but I survived thanks to the amazing buffering power of Bubs. I came away from the trip thinking maybe I would try checking in with my brother every once in a while. He clearly has mental illness issues (maybe borderline personality), but since he doesn’t believe in meds (but he does believe in unregulated, non-FDA approved pills/supplements), nothing is going to really help stabilize him. And so it’s an entire life just filled with trauma, pain, depression, self loathing… I’ve never really understand why people stagnate in misery. They insist they have no choice. They insist they don’t choose this kind of paralysis. But I’m not the best at empathizing on this. I’ve always believed in some element of self-determination and choice. At least for anyone who grew up with privilege in the US. It’s a core belief, and I will always believe there’s a way out. But I guess the reality is, not everyone agrees.

The journey back was a beotch. Partly bc we were back in economy. Yeah, I knew biz class travel was going to be a Pandora’s box. Fucking A. The 12-hr flight back in economy sucked much more than I ever remembered. But holy fuck, it was amazing to be back home.

Fortunately, the dog sitter we hired was a legit adult with real accountability and responsibilities. Benny still had his poopy problems and accidents, but she took them in stride and best of all, she was a homebody who liked to hang out with the dog. I was relieved to see them bonded. It’s nice to know we have an option now that we didn’t have before. But I still think he’s on this last year, so there’s that. Only happy thoughts here, can you tell?

The Lodge

At the end of April, J and I tried out a new type of destination. We hit up Carmel Valley Ranch, which is a golf club/resort kind of spot. With its luxurious pool/hot tubs plus on-site animal farm, massive vegetable garden, and beautifully manicured grounds, it was hard not to fall in love. I subsequently spent much of spring/summer dreaming of ways to get back to that environment again. Unfortunately, Benny’s mobility issues took months of troubleshooting– all the way until late September, when the monthly injectable Librela finally started to take effect (third month) and coupled with prednisone (the universal magic pill) tweaked to the right dose, we got him stable again.

In early October, we felt ready to try two things: a new overnight dog sitter (recommended by a neighbor on Nextdoor) and a new lodge/golf resort escape. Enter the Quail Lodge in Carmel Valley. The thing I’m noticing about golf places— they are so much better maintained. Not just with the grounds, but I mean the rooms, the lobby, the common areas… The architecture/decor/style may be a bit old school or dated, but the upkeep is impeccable. We were only there for two nights, and I submitted an offer during our stay, but it was a pleasant albeit brief getaway. We rented e-bikes and toured the neighborhood, got on a nice paved trail riding by the pastures… scenic and quiet. The next day, we went on a short hike. We hit up Earthbound Farms and a few other local food spots. Walked around sleepy downtown Carmel. We had a nice time and a welcome respite from the week-long heat wave. Meanwhile, Bentley did fine as well. The sitter is probably in her 30s-40s, and I have to say, it’s nice to have someone who’s mature and well, how to say, seasoned by life to handle responsibilities. Bentley seemed calm and comfortable when we returned so all in all, a successful trip. The icing on the cake would have been if my clients beat out 42 other offers to win a house in Palo Alto, but apparently, that’s too much to ask for these days. 🙂

Longevity Trumps All

When I went back to Taiwan this year, my father demonstrated a renewed sense of interest in self care. After his two bouts of sickness/sepsis last year, he now has kidney disease and is obsessed with doing what he can to avoid dialysis.

It’s nice to see a focus now on diet and exercise also with the intention of keeping his diabetes in check, but I realized that this bizarre obsession is more about on longevity than anything even remotely related to enjoyment or quality of life. My paternal grandfather was rather similar in his sort of militaristic routine regarding his diet and exercise: he did his calisthenics, it was more about the number of reps than about being outside to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. Maybe it’s all moot anyway… so long as the activities are done, there will be benefits one way or the other.

My father insists that due to his kidney disease, he can no longer get vaccines and boosters, so he feels especially vulnerable. For most people, I find they take precautions to minimize risk but the intention isn’t to live in a damn bubble so you never catch anything at all… Apparently, my father is in the latter category now, paranoid to the point of not really even leaving the house. Even for his exercises, he does them inside or upstairs on the rooftop terrace where he just walks in small 40ft loops. So unnecessarily cloistered, considering one of the city’s largest parks is just a stone’s throw away.

Whatever. From last year, dad has also made many dietary changes to combat the diabetes and high blood pressure. My brother of course considers himself a health expert/savant, so he is always emailing and feeding dad his unsolicited advice and propaganda. The household no longer cooks with olive oil, and my parents don’t consume flour either. I was turned off my the extremity of these changes… but my dad says his diabetes is better. He doesn’t notice any difference from cutting out flour, but he will continue with the regimen, bc he’s is ascetic that way. Needless to say, everyone in the household is now on this special diet targeting diabetes and kidney disease. I guess it was not a bad thing to change up my diet for a few days and consume more veggies, fish, soup, and lighter fare.

Overall, I will say the trip was a success. I got annoyed a few times with my dad bc he’s a control freak but other than that, there was a decent balance of forced rest aka covid quarantine, tech support, time with mom, self exploration, and visits with my cousins.

I was really proud of myself too for finding massage spots and spas and doing a lot of waking. My face was a total inflamed mess, but I did find a nice acne facialist and I am going to give her products a try.

There’s a lot about my family that feels too traditional and outdated. My aunt is still obsessing about the cousins who are unmarried. Remnant dreams of my grandfather kept being brought up even though he passed away years ago. I often wish my family would just get with the times and be more modern in their attitude and approach, but goddamn, they really are traditional and stubborn as hell. I mean, wasn’t there some recent census/stat saying half of all couples don’t have kids. It’s not like that’s a new concept. Get the fuck over it already.

This is partly why I won’t ever live in Taiwan. I can’t deal with all the conservative attitudes in my family plus the collective mentality. Oh hell no, folks. Stay in your frickin lane.

Pre-Travel Anxiety

Every year, in the weeks leading up to my annual trip to Taiwan, the dread starts to set in. It’s almost part of the entire routine and ritual now… a foreboding precursor before I meet my parents again. For some reason, the anxiety felt a little heavier this time. I suspect the weight of it had something to do with me feeling more accepting of my personal limitations and shortcomings. Is it self-acceptance, or is it more an acquiescence or resignation even? I’m not sure, but this time I felt a real fear of losing my temper with them.

In the past, my rage would unfurl at the drop of a pin, with an intensity that took no prisoners. But now that I’m older and their fragility is so much more apparent, I really want to keep my cool and composure. I know the triggers run deep, but I have to do better.

So in my typical fashion, ahead of the visit, I spent time planning logistics: what items needed to be brought back (printer cartridges, new phones, gifts), what gifts to take, what activities to schedule, tasks in advance and during, who to see, where to go, yada, yada. Due to J’s work schedule and Bentley care (always an issue), I was going solo this time, and the 11 days was going to be an eternity.

For most people, that doesn’t sound like an exorbitant amount of time, but keep in mind, I do not even vacation for longer than 5-7 days. Yes, I am that fucking uptight. I think I’ve gone on maybe only two or three trips with J that went longer than 8 days. Needless to say, I was concerned (as were many of my friends) about this duration with my family. In preparation, I scheduled two therapy sessions plus a pedicure and a massage… all to get my bucket topped up. Sure, there were stressors and the usual bullshit that arose at work, but I really tried my damnedest to be in optimal form.

Then, mistake 1: I decided to get my relatives some last-minute gifts necessitating a trip to the mall DURING HOLIDAY SEASON. High risk behavior. Fucking A. Mistake 2: J started exhibiting symptoms but we didn’t give it too much thought, bc he’d been having asthma issues for a bit. Mistake 3: I booked a Thanksgiving week flight– bursting at the damn seams.

And so my journey began… 22-freaking-hrs door-to-door. The flight itself, as I mentioned being the week of Thanksgiving, was of course crazy. Maxed out. The airline kept dangling promos asking passengers to volunteer getting bumped. Despite my propensity for dealios, I resisted. I tried to make the best of a long haul.

Immediately on touchdown, J informed me he tested positive for Covid. Great. Nothing to do about it now, so I hopped the metro, train, and car ride to my parents’ home in Kaohsiung, I didn’t feel so hot on arrival– sniffly nose, burning eyes, headache… then again, I had just traveled for 22 hrs. I took the test. Negative.

In true task master fashion, I very quickly unveiled to Dad my newest strategy for giving him autonomy and control over his matters (Google Fi phone). He gave it a few test runs and after I got his printer back online and working again (you have NO idea how damn buggy all his tech is), he was back in business printing out statements and paperwork– happy as a clam.

A few hours later, I was in bed though, and the fever started ramping up. Yup, an awful start to the dreaded trip. To be candid, I def didn’t do my body any favors with all the pre-trip anxiety and worry. The day after arrival, I knew I was sick… for the first time since 2019 if you can imagine! The test came back a solid positive. Coughing, fever, congestion.

I will say, thankfully, it’s not the sickest I’ve ever been and for that, I am thankful to have received the recent boosters in late October. I’m now in Day 4 of a 5-day quarantine, aka a “forced rest.” Clearly, I’m not good at letting my body take a break. I need to learn some new healthy habits pronto.

Back from Bend

John and I recently returned from a seven-day trip to Bend, Oregon. His sister S is possibly contemplating a different lifestyle/environment, so she rented a month-long Airbnb in Bend, where a good friend of hers also lives.

I have to say, Bend has a LOT going for it. We were there in early September, so the weather was perfect, especially along the very scenic backdrop of a lake/mountain town. The population I’m told is around 120,000 which is decent, and as the city has grown markedly through the years, there is a lot of new construction– new retail, new facilities, shops, restaurants… it feels like a community where there is some mindfulness around its growth and development. And it’s small enough geographically that you don’t really have to contend with traffic congestion and any real urban sprawl.

I actually caught up a lot on sleep that week. All of us still worked and the Airbnb in many ways served as a coworking space with zoom meetings occurring in every bedroom, BUT it was a welcome and palpable change being able to step away from work midday and immediately hop on a bike trail riding along the Deschutes River. There was no leaving the house an hour ahead to account for travel time to the appointment.

I felt like the trip gave me a much-needed reminder that I do enjoy activities and being outdoors and doing things BESIDES sitting on my ass in front of the computer. I spent one afternoon at the roller-skating rink (new and gorgeous). Another afternoon riding our bikes. A third trying out an aerial silks (acrobatics) class (never again!). And yet another afternoon getting a foot massage and going kayaking. All this sprinkled in around several walks to/from downtown for dinners. It was a great experience re-imagining a different day-to-day routine and lifestyle.

On the downside, I will say, Bend is super white. A lot of Aryan nation-looking people. Not that they’re Nazis but just dayum, it was THAT homogenous. The stats say Asians comprise less than TWO PERCENT in Bend. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable around a mostly white population– I grew up in Frederick after all. But TWO percent is way small. And I still like to have my opportunities where I’m interacting with other Asians, speaking in Chinese.

In conclusion, the trip was a great vacation spot and respite. But after getting back home, I have to admit: I still love being in the Bay Area. Shrug. I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. We’ll see what the verdict ends up being for my SIL.

Giving Feedback

As someone who is now in the service industry, I think extra long and hard about the delivery and content of my feedback. In the olden days, I was far less forgiving and far more snarky. I still value clever quips but time and place, my friends. Here’s my latest feedback for a recent winery experience.

Thanks so much for the opportunity to provide feedback re: our recent experience at TB Winery.

My husband J and I were in Calistoga a few days ago on a short getaway from the San Jose area. I used to ride horses many years back, and I had heard before of an interesting tasting room experience at Jamieson Ranch where they had mini-horses (therapy animals) on site as people enjoyed their wines. The morning of Valentine’s Day, I did a quick Google search for “mini horses” and “wineries” and was thrilled to discover TB in the results.  

Since we were staying nearby at CML, it felt especially fortuitous. Excitedly, we booked an afternoon tasting that same day.   When we arrived, the grounds were of course stunning and beautiful, but the tasting area seemed eerily quiet, maybe even a bit sterile. We saw that A was busy helping three parties at the time, so we waited. She did come in and offer us some wine while we waited to get seated. The afternoon had turned quite cloudy, blustery, and chilly. We were seated near the door of the check-in area. None of the heaters were working, so we moved to the side with the stalls. Those heaters didn’t work either, so A wheeled one over. A was very polite, professional, and knowledgeable about the wine. But the tasting experience felt a bit spartan. Not a dealbreaker, but it would have been nice to have some centerpieces, crackers, more working/functioning heaters, and blankets for guests to add a cozy touch. Regardless, we loved the malbec, Rabicano, and cab: we purchased four bottles, and happily joined your wine club. Afterwards, we weren’t offered the option to visit the horses, but seeing as Angelica had been working solo and the weather was getting colder, we decided to leave. On the drive back to our lodging, I felt tremendously lucky to have discovered TB and gotten the opportunity to visit. I was already making a list of friends to take with us next time.

The next morning, we were headed back to San Jose. We dropped by around 10:45am. I understand your operations are by appointment only. We weren’t wanting another tasting, so we drove in to inquire about visiting with the animals. I went into the office and I believe R (?? Guessing from past reviews/photos) was at the computer. He barely looked up from the computer and appeared rather annoyed and inconvenienced. I explained that we had just visited the day before with Angelica and were hoping to stop in and see the animals, bc we didn’t get the facility/animals tour after our tasting. He said due to liability reasons, guests can’t visit the horses without supervision. I explained we were just there the day before but it was so windy… He rudely cut me off and said, “like it is this morning.” Then he went back to looking down at the computer. After a long and awkward silence, I thanked him and left.  

The entire ride back to San Jose, I felt so disappointed and saddened by that odd and unfriendly encounter. I also work in the service industry, and I understand it’s really hard work. Guests/clients can be assholes. They can be entitled. I know that we all have bad days. And maybe businesses in Napa/Sonoma wine country are subject to stricter business/operating rules (e.g. no outside food/drink, appointment only, tight reservation windows…) that make them more rigid/inflexible than other wine regions (like Paso Robles). Still, I couldn’t help but feel deflated. There are so many other ways he could have responded. Instead, it was a curt no followed by a complete shut down. Neither courteous, welcoming, nor helpful.

We will enjoy the wines that we bought. We have another trip to Calistoga already planned for the end of March. We’ll make plans for another tasting then and avoid R (I read that C is amazing). Ultimately, as consumers, we strive to patronize businesses run by people we like/trust and businesses that make us feel good about our experience.

Thanks for soliciting our feedback. I hope our next visit will be a pleasant one. I appreciate your time reading my comments. Be well.

The UPS Store

If you know ANYthing about me, it is that I LOVE the old school musicals… specifically Les Mis, Miss Saigon, and Cabaret. Those are my staple productions. I can listen to them anywhere, anytime, and the tears will just come on like a fucking tsunami. So the other day, we were in the car and Bubs put on Miss Saigon and the Bui Doi song came on. The one about the children of GIs and Vietnamese women. There is a line there that describes the kids as “conceived in hell and born in strife.” I mean, let’s be real: I had an extremely privileged upbringing. Still, something about that line just resonates.

Obviously, I’ve taken a very long hiatus from blogging… possibly the LONGEST break since I started the blog in 2003. I’m not proud of the absence but well, COVID (the same excuse everyone else is using these days). Plus, my family has to win awards for its level of drama. That’s right: drama amplified.

To recap: My father had flown from California to Taiwan over a year ago in June/July 2020 and then he got stuck there. What did that mean for me? 24/7 INTERNATIONAL personal assistant. Calls at all hours. All his US mail? Forwarded to me. Along with that of my grandparents’, brother’s, and mother’s. Yes, a SHIT TON of mail. Meanwhile, none of their accounts had set me as an additional accountholder, so then I had to do all the account management having zero written authority. Then, you have NO idea how fucking painful it is to even sync with my family in Taiwan. Not only is the time difference 15 hours, they won’t spend a cent to call internationally, so then we can only connect via Line, Skype, or Facetime and on top of that, they either don’t have reliable wifi or where they do have it, they have THE cheapest fucking option which results in choppy quality and non-existent video. To make matters worse, they actually don’t understand the difference between video and audio calls, so half the time, I’m staring into my father’s ear canal. Seriously. God forbid, they shell out $20/month for legit broadband service as a BASIC NECESSITY. That’s the thing. All these responsibilities get thrown to me and then I have shit tools to work with and my parents’ tech skills is a -100 on a 10-point scale. So many hours of my life gone, bc we did not have systems in place. Anyway, after more than a year of dealing with this bullshit. I somehow managed to get the legal docs updated. I will spare you the agonizing details; just know that my fuse of ZERO was blown every goddamn time.

So now, improved systems are in place– things still aren’t 100% the way I would run them but good enough until the next volcanic eruption. And I’m cranking through the list: closing accounts, adding my name, paying bills, setting up zoom meetings, paying taxes, scanning their mail, doing international shipments… I’m a freaking 24/7 UPS store and more!

In June of this year, dad came back Stateside after more than a year away. I hooked him up with the vaccine (Taiwan has limited supply), and then headed to Maryland in early July to begin the preparations for putting my childhood home up for sale. Over 5,000 sqft of house stuffed with three generations’ worth of junk from a family of hoarders. They had such old bedding/sheets that I had to buy my own flannel set a couple years back so I could sleep on cotton fabric that wasn’t ripped/threadbare. My first night in the bed this time around, I discovered three acorns. I thought I was going mad. WTF. Maybe I had picked these up last time I was in town and fell asleep while fidgeting with them in the bed??? I was gaslighting myself. It was a total mystery, bc I found no other evidence of rodents in the bed. But the next night, I was sitting on the couch watching tv and behind the throw pillow was a pile of rice. And some mouse poop. Problem solved. I mean, the house was vacant for over a year in a place that has all four seasons… so guess I shouldn’t be that surprised.

Needless to say, the to-do list for my parents is neverending. It really is. I will be actively working on two items with my dad hovering right there and then he’ll introduce a third and a fourth as if I weren’t working efficiently enough… Ugh, it’s super annoying and frustrating and results in snippy Vicky. Consequently, my parents describe my help as “service without a smile.” I mean look, on one hand, no fucking apologies. You get what you get. It’s like that Hotwire rental car deal my friend G always signs up for. She signs up for a killer deal, and it’s a grab bag as to what car she gets at the counter. In other words, you get an awesome rate bc they pick the car for you. Well, my parents fucking hit the jackpot with me: I am a goddamn workhorse. I have a HUGE capacity to figure things out and to get shit done but don’t expect Nordstorm customer service ok? Which leads me to Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I first heard of this condition a few years back when a neighbor with two kids was bitching about her youngest son. She said he had unexplained rage issues and was diagnosed with ODD. Honestly, his defiance sounded intriguing and then as she described it further, a light bulb went off. That’s all that was needed for Bubs to diagnose me. I mean, if this ODD is real, I feel a lot of parallels. Maybe it’s helpful to put a label on things? I dunno but a part of me also thinks ANYONE would have ODD given my same exact circumstances.

Bottom line? I’m fucking exhausted. I have a LIFETIME of examples but let me just share the latest argument with dad. So as you know, he’s currently here with us in Cali. He’s eager to get back to Taiwan bc my mother is calling on the daily, barking orders and slinging her accusations of infidelity. So he wants me to compare flights using his points, using his voucher, plus one way vs round trip or whatever. Um, it’s one way bc we don’t know when you’ll be back, esp with COVID.

Oh but if I do round trip, it’s a better deal and I’ll use fewer points.

No! I’m booking it one way with points and this is what I’m booking. Back the hell up! I don’t need you micromanaging my ass and overcomplicating EVERY dayum detail.

After we get over that hurdle, there are a shit ton more details about international entry/exit and quarantine requirements, thanks to COVID and the delta. The good news is I have attention to detail so I’m reading everything and figuring it all out. I figure out what test to get, where, when, how much, where to send in the docs, yadda, yadda. I create online accounts, upload his insurance files, register a slot, and get it all done. Test date set for X date.

After it’s all done and sorted, dad’s reading shit on his computer (but very limited bc he doesn’t do online research for more than five minutes). He calls my cousin in Taiwan and asks her to call the airport or whatever. At issue is WHEN to take the test so it’s acceptable for Taiwan when he arrives at the airport. I tell him I know how to fucking read, and it’s handled. He insists the test date is TOO early and my cousin’s friend of a friend says the results have to be three days prior to arrival date. Back and forth. Hello: I’ve read the info from United Airlines specific to this ticket. The results have to be issued no longer than 3 working days from date of departure. ARGHHHHHHH!!! Bc of his fucking neuroses, I have to spend another two hours calling, researching, reading, being on hold, etc. That information is wrong. He’s not convinced. So then he wants me to schedule a same day test which is only at SFO. But that’s cutting it too close, so maybe I can drive him to SFO the day before to do a test? I’m telling you. Now this item that took 30 min to decipher has ballooned to my entire afternoon. This is just ONE example. Every other to-do item turns out like this. Welcome to my life. Same with figuring out shipping international freight, international regular shipment, domestic shipment, forwarding addresses, updating addresses, paying vendors, shredding medical records/financial papers, etc. FML. Meanwhile, my brother has learned that I figured out how to ship items internationally and he asks me to buy him 3 bags of some body detoxification product from Canada to receive in the US and forward to him in Taiwan bc the company doesn’t ship to Asia. Nope, I may be my parents’ UPS store but I sure as hell am not his!

Want some good news? The Maryland house is emptied. Two full days, a crew of five sorters/packers, and a team of movers. Fucking amazing. Repairs have commenced and we’re targeting on market before the end of August. The handful of saved items got shipped here and arrived. Items sent to Taiwan also arrived and passed customs (another ordeal). Dad got his negative test results yesterday. That caused another frenzy about timing, so I took screen shots, printed out/highlighted the instructions, and just reiterated that I followed everything stated by United. If he arrives in Taiwan and they reject the test, he can just take it again there. I’m done. Let’s not beat this dead horse one more fricking time please.

Hurrah beotches, the blog is back!

Sandwich Generation

So the shit’s been hitting the fan for many months now. I mean, I don’t know why I keep belaboring the fact that it’s been a crappy year—Hello, welcome to life and especially, welcome to The Sandwich Generation, right? Sometimes it just takes me some time to accept the muck and try to get over it.

In July, I got a call from my cousin about my youngest aunt. She’s 64 y/o, and earlier this year, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer– one of the most aggressive and deadliest types of cancers out there. My relatives in Taiwan all seemed rather incredulous bc just a few months prior in October, John and I had been in Taiwan for our annual visit, and my aunt was as energetic and as lively as she’d always been. We did that road trip together up north to Keelung, and it was such a great time despite the pouring rain (and my lame brother).

But after the new year, my aunt went to the hospital for abdominal pain, and that’s when it was revealed that she had a belly full of tumors– too many to count, and being that the cancer had metastasized, she was in Stage 4– the final stages, with a prognosis of living only another 3-6 months.

As the new year progressed, my dad was having more trouble with his eyesight (his two cataract surgeries in November and December didn’t go as planned), my mother was increasingly inconsistent with her cognition, John’s mother was declining, and then in April, Bentley got crazy ass sick. My work, which had been dead the earlier part of the year, suddenly got busy, my listing imploded, and I was feeling stressed way beyond belief.

Now it’s July, and my aunt has made it this far. She endured two rounds of chemo, plus Vitamin C treatments, among other things, but the tumors continue to grow. Three weeks ago, my cousin called and said she was near the end, so my parents (who were in Maryland) and I booked our flights.

I’ve been in Taiwan for almost a week now. My aunt appears much better than I had expected– she is still lively in voice and spirit, And she still goes for walks, but her body is a shadow of its former self. I’m not sure what to say, so we just talk about my parents and the usual family dysfunction. 🙂

My stupid listing continues to be a thorn in my side. In May, the buyer side got pissed about the very late discovery of the home having deed restrictions which prohibited its sale; they asked for money; I had to consult all the veteran agents plus the legal team on retainer at my brokerage… After nearly four months, the buyers finally agreed to cancel the transaction. But the co-listing agent and I are still helping our client navigate this complicated situation. Many calls, emails, and meetings with the housing authority and the city housing department… now we’re heading into August with two options: Sell the home now back to the City at a below-market rate, or wait for an alternative where the City considers selling the home at a higher price to a different housing agency. The latter plan would require that my clients wait another three months for that to get worked out. I’m trying my best to carry this through, but at times, I’m exhausted by the extra effort. Maybe if I didn’t have so many other things going on all at once…

Thankfully, Bentley is doing better. I mean, there have been several blips in the road to recovery, but for the most part, he is stronger and getting back to his old self. We took him on a short road trip in early July to celebrate his progress, my belated bday, and to take a short break, and then as life would have it, he developed that skin infection on his snout PLUS an infection inside his front leg joint. Ugh!!! Another round of vet visits, and he’s now on super strong antibiotics plus he needs to drop some pounds, as he has plumped up 20lbs on the prednisone. SMH.

In positive news, I’m currently in contract. Yeah, one of my clients with whom I had initially met in March, got back on the house hunt in June/July. I was very thankful to have some business brewing again. My clients found a real gem of a home in early July, and we got into contract a week before my flight to Taiwan. I’m so happy to be working with lovely, gracious people. That said, with my Taiwan travel, shepherding the transaction through has required a ton of calls and emails in the middle of the night. I’m hoping we are in the homestretch now, and closing is set for mid August.

My time in Taiwan is going ok. Lots of errands and elder care kind of things like finding activities for my parents, figuring out meals, cleaning, etc. The first three days, I visited with my aunt as well as my three grandparents. I cannot believe those grandparents are still going. It’s mind blowing, honestly. I’ve been shuttling my parents around, so the good news is that I’m becoming more familiar with the lay of the land here. I’ve also had quite a few opportunities to hang out one-on-one with some of my cousins. I’ve gone to the pool a few times too at the condo complex.

But I’m ready to get home. My brother came down from Taipei yesterday, and he’s on some 6-8 day fast to cleanse his gall bladder or whatever, so all he does is stay in his room. My dad still invites him to go walking or to go to the gym, and he always declines. In the middle of the night, he and my father were arguing and yelling again. I mean, I know my mother likes to see him, but really, his visits are so damn lame. He can never eat anything and then he’s so weak and fucked up from the fast, that he never does anything outside his room. What’s the fucking point. Honestly. I’m there prepping meals, finding activities, washing dishes, cutting fruit, cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, and he sleeps in until noon and does his kooky bullshit. Yesterday, while I was re-heating food in the microwave, he told me microwaving food is really unhealthy and dangerous. I said, I was still going to do it. I mean, is it as unhealthy as having a shitty-ass, ungrateful, money mooching, entitled asshole son??? Fuck off. My ultimate wish with my brother is for him to be out of our lives. I know my parents fucked up with our childhood, but hello, this is real life. Get over it and move on. Nobody owes you anything. If you want to be a weird person living a fringe lifestyle, go ahead but leave us the hell alone. I do not need to be graced by your presence. Don’t do me any fucking favors. I get so annoyed that all these years later, we are still having to deal with his bullshit. If there is any silver lining to my mother’s condition, I hope that she can one day forget about Johnny so the rest of us can fucking live in peace.

Anyway, today is my last day with everybody. I’m going to be driving my dad to run errands and then we’re headed south to my grandparents’ and aunt’s house. After dinner, we’ll drive back to Kaohsuing and tomorrow I fly home. Thank goodness. I gotta get back to home base for realz.

Special Needs

At the end of June, Bentley was back at the specialist for his followup. Sedation, joint tap, blood work. Going to the vet is an ordeal, but the good news is that his numbers came back strong: no inflammation in the joints and good WBC count. The doctor allowed us to reduce his prednisone dose by 25%. After that, he started improving dramatically– getting stronger and more energetic, and I started seeing signs of the old Ben Ben. He was active around the house, he pranced a bit to the park and in the backyard, his bark was back… Honestly, I had forgotten what he was like before (It already feels like ages ago), so getting glimpses of his old self really made my heart sing.

He was looking so good that we decided a mid-week getaway was in order. I found a spot on Groupon, and we did a road trip to the Sonoma Coast at a place that took dogs. Initially, he had some anxiety when he got left in the car while we grabbed lunch. His leg, which still had a skin wound from the very first joint tap in late April, was finally healing and then he ripped it open during lunch in just 20 minutes. Next began a series of bandaging, antimicrobial/antifungal spray, and the donut collar. After a day at the lodge, he settled down and we took him on some trails. He was so happy to be in a chilly climate and back on an adventure. It was a pretty good trip.

But then after we got back, I noticed hair loss on his snout and some discoloration. I reached out to both his primary vet and the internal med specialist. I spent forever researching online and thought maybe it was demodex mites. Regardless, I worried that his anxiety from the trip further weakened his immune system and somehow he picked up a skin issue. Ugh!

The vet examined my pictures and said it didn’t seem to be demodex mites, and it also doesn’t seem to bother him, but another visit would be in order. Meanwhile, I’m having some reluctance about another visit bc if they do a skin scrape, it’s yet another wound that needs healing. I worry about his body fighting too many battles on too many fronts. So I just sprayed his snout and kept it clean.

One week after (this week), I found him limping on the front right leg. I groom him everyday and that day, I found two foxtails stuck in the webbing of his paw. After I removed those, the next day he was fine. Then, another day later, he started limping badly on the other front leg. This is exactly what happened in mid April. What started as a mild limp, switched to a limp on the other leg, followed by a day of him being fine, and then bam, by the end of that week, he was hospitalized. I am so scared now of a relapse.

I called and emailed the vet. Of course, she’s out. I called the front desk asking that someone else advise, bc I was fearful of a relapse… they agree to have another internal med team review and call me back. The whole day passes without a callback. Finally, I dial in and they say, tomorrow. Well, that was the whole point: my doctor wasn’t in until tomorrow and I wanted advice today. Fucking place. I HATE THAT PLACE. But for some goddamn reason, we’re in a veterinary internal medicine desert. Then I tried to take his temp thinking it would be a helpful data point. No success trying to hold him and poke him by myself. Fucking A. John is back East, coming home today.

I decided to try the light therapy on the limping leg and by the afternoon, he was better. There was still some sensitivity but the limping went away. John got home at dinner time, and now I’m flying out on the red eye to Taiwan. I swear, this year will be the death of me. I’m so tired and Bentley’s condition just stresses me out to no end. John dropped me off at SFO and when he got home, Bentley was limping again. ARGH!!!!