Category Archives: Pups

Traffic and Travels

In terms of getting along with my family, things are going ok so far. But the trip is still early. No explosions as of yet. Yesterday, I took my parents out of the house: we hit up Great Falls, MD (a national park where dad was pleased to get in free with his senior parks pass that we got years ago) then I drove through DC into Alexandria then to the National Harbor, some new area by the water where there’s a huge Gaylord Resort and brand-spanking new MGM Casino. My parents tried to be good sports about the park visit, but it was in the 50s and windy that day. Btw, my father totally babies my mom. She underdressed and then he gave her his vest and his gloves and he was freezing. Dunno why they don’t just keep a shit ton of freebie fleece blankets in the trunk. The good news is they had never been to any of the places, and I think in spring, they can revisit the places with friends or out-of-town visitors.

One thing though: the traffic in this area bites. Holy fuck. It was already super bad (always a crawl) when I lived here but shit… we must have been in the car yesterday for five hours. That shit is no joke. Not sure the juice is worth the squeeze.

When we got to the National Harbor, stuff was all decorated for Christmas. It was pretty but I mean, my parents aren’t into ANYthing, so we went through that in about ten minutes. I suggested sitting at the bar and getting drinks to soak up the view along the Potomac River, but my parents don’t know how to have fun and don’t know how to enjoy anything so they didn’t want to do that. We got back in the car and drove across the street to the casino. Walked around there for a bit. Sat around in the lobby while I charged my phone. The casino had just opened on December 8, so I think they were still working out some kinks: every single restaurant was booked and not taking walk-ins ,so we ate at the food court. Then, we went home. Of course, the whole time I’m driving us around using Waze, and dad is like trying to ask me what my route is or where are we now or what county is Alexandria in, or if Arlington is better than Alexandria… dude, I haven’t lived in the Mid-Atlantic since 2003. I don’t know. I’m just trying to follow the Waze directions: I dunno where it’s taking me, I just know it’ll route me to the destination. Then he’s like doing the backseat driver thing (and yes, both of them are sitting in the backseat… that’s how Chinese parents roll) that mom did in Taiwan but he’s not as bad. But I still had to keep explaining that I’m sure his way works but Waze factors in the TRAFFIC.

By the end of the day, I am wiped and I mean, like I’ve said before: my parents aren’t impressed by anything. So my conclusion is pretty much: we should have just stayed home. My mom tried to give me some crap like they are just home bodies; it’s not that they are NOT fun people. Um, ok. But you aren’t fun even when you are at home. Homebody and not fun are two different descriptors. In your case, they BOTH apply.

So today, I made plans to have lunch with my college bud M. Thankfully, he offered to drive down from Rockville to Frederick. It was good seeing him but I dunno: people with kids are just totally different. He’s pretty high up in IBM but I think he’s the sole provider and his wife is from Tokyo, so pretty much all their vacation is spent on going back every year to Japan. And their disposable income goes towards school, piano lessons, dance lessons, etc. He says they have had bad luck with baby sitters so they don’t go out much. He doesn’t do any of his hobbies from before… Meanwhile, John and I were both not working for a bit; we traveled like 15 times in the last year… I’m not saying one way is right or wrong: I’m saying, I didn’t really share things in common regarding interests, lifestyle, and priorities. I dunno. Some days I kind of struggle with how divergent our lives are bc of the kid factor. I’m sure the same could be argued (maybe) for my friends who are single… but sheesh, at least they still seem to do stuff.

I mean, is he just sparing me the details of their “stuff” bc it’s all kid-related and I can’t relate? Or I dunno: I feel like I’m being judged as more selfish or self indulgent bc I’m not doing the responsible thing of raising a family? I dunno. Maybe I’m just sensitive bc that’s how my family views me. I’m just out there doing everything from the “me, me, me” perspective. Which is actually not even an accurate impression… Whatever, why should I give a fuck what other people think anyway.

Yesterday at the casino, I saw someone walking a beautiful young black lab. He was so shiny and sprightly– he reminded me of Marty in his younger years. And I felt so sad and empty. I mean, Marty was certainly no Lassie: he never really comforted me when I was upset or crying. But his presence in and of itself offered me comfort when I was sad or upset or disappointed with people. He always accepted and appreciated me for who I was. Even when I would get into a zone and forget to feed him dinner, he never got upset. He just came over and tried to signal to me that he needed something. Oh Marty. such a sweet and patient and forgiving dog. I miss him still.

Sometimes I think all the family holiday crap is a good distraction. But goddamn, I really would just prefer to be home doing some work and planning ahead for 2017 in the peace and quiet of the Houseboat.

Playing God

A few days have passed since we said goodbye to Marty. I have periods of functionality, and then suddenly, I’ll be overcome with emotion. I’ve been feeling really tired lately, and my eyes, even though they no longer appear swollen, feel tight and tired, like I can’t open them as widely and as alertly as I used to.

On Saturday, I met up with M and T for lunch. We met first at M’s house. As soon as she opened her front door, I started to cry. It’s weird bc I can be totally fine (although in this particular case, I had already melted down twice in the car on the way there) and then as soon as I share the news or someone acknowledges the news, I break down again. Anyway, we had a good time remembering Marty, talking through things, and such. M showed off her home’s latest additions– voice-activated lighting: that place needs to be featured in a home design magazine for reals! Everything is meticulously selected, arranged, and maintained. Whenever I get home after visiting her house and/or T’s house, I feel like our Houseboat is just kid’s play. Anyway, they both gave me gifts which cheered me up and then we headed off for lunch. After spending two days hidden from the world, it was good to get out and interact with people again.

Of course, as soon as I got home, poor Bubbey was a mess. He had culled every single photo of Marty into a single album. And it took him 90 minutes to go through picture by picture… blurry, shitty pics and all! Seeing Marty as a young pup really made him realize just how much our boy had aged and slowed down.

Tonight, Bubbey was telling me that losing Marty has been a lot harder than with Remy, in part bc the decision with her came so unexpectedly, with the vet advising it on what we thought was just another office visit. Also, she was in so much worse shape. With Marty, he really was looking and moving ok that day. There was almost an arbitrary nature to our decision… and in that sense, we really struggled with this responsibility of playing God. Some days, like when we look at how much he did as a young dog, we feel like we waited too late, that long ago, he had already stopped doing so many things he used to love: chasing critters at the park, running through the fields, sitting adroitly for treats… Other days though, we still hear him struggling to get up from his bed or climbing through the doggie door or rustling around in the yard. We wake up and think we’ll be taking him to the park for a walk that morning… J and I aren’t particularly great at creating and maintaining habits, but some of these elements have just become so ingrained after all these years.

Last night I was up late fidgeting around with photos. I wanted to print small square prints to include them in my thank you notes to people who contributed to the donation drive. Yesterday, J and I dropped off an entire trunk full of gifted items: food, towels, blankets, treats, collars, leashes, and coats… I was happy to gather a sizeable amount of stuff, but it was challenging pulling into the parking lot, where I came last year to pick up Marty after he’d gone to the elementary school.

I dunno: I guess I’m just rambling now. The bottom line is, the empty nest feels very quiet. With Remy’s passing, we still had to continue about our lives with Marty. Now, it’s just the two of us. Every day continues to be a struggle. I miss him so much, and it’s really hard to feel festive without our little buddy.

My thoughtful cousin AH, who visited two years ago right after Remy passed away, called me yesterday via FB Messenger.

A photo posted by Vicky Gou (@vickygou) on

Turns out, he’d been following my Instagram feed closely, bc he knew Marty was so fragile. And with every post, he was copying and pasting my English caption into Google translate to see in Chinese what I was saying. I was so touched to learn that he was keeping tabs on Marty. He said he was thinking about coming back to visit just to see Marty one last time.

After our call, I was curious about the translation, so I popped it in and listened to the Chinese audio over and over. The translation was surprisingly accurate. Google Translate, man. So freaking sophisticated.

The End of the Road


This week, John and I made the very difficult decision to say goodbye to Martin. Our beautiful, handsome, and gentle boy would have been 17 y/o in March. We used to joke that none of us ever expected him to be the longest living of the lot (Remy, Bodie, and Jake): Martin was a simple soul for whom we didn’t have high expectations for anything– intelligence, protection, achievement. But through the years, his steady, calm demeanor and easy-going nature captured our hearts quickly and wholeheartedly. I think he could have reached that 17 year milestone: he had a heart of gold, with a quiet yet persistent will to please. He would have given us every last ounce his feeble body could muster.

I used to complain that Martin prevented my Houseboat from being AirBnb ready. As he aged, we put covers over our white sofa, floor runners over our dark floors… I made those comments in jest, but today I take no joy in removing the sheathing to uncover the pristine sofa and gleaming floors. Even as my vacuum sucks up every last shred of fur and dirt, I sit here crying inconsolably. I wish I had expressed my love to Martin more clearly.

For a long time, his resilience and will to live fooled us. In the last two years, he battled multiple bladder infections, chronic kidney disease, deafness, dementia, anxiety, trembling, not to mention a pre-existing congenital heart murmur (the vet always said his heart whistled). About a year and a half ago, he was receiving daily subcutaneous injections to help his kidneys process his food. Since then, he endured several bouts of repeated vomiting and weight loss… We made incremental adjustments (e.g., home-cooked food, anxiety drops, supplements, shift/curtail his walk) and invariably, he would ALWAYS bounce back. More recently, there was the incontinence and his weak legs. This week, even the diapers could not keep him dry. Through all of this, Martin never complained. He cried sometimes when I poked him with the subq needle, but otherwise, even when he lay in his bed trembling on Tuesday night, he never once uttered a sound.

On Wednesday, I finally realized that even as his mind and body still mustered the strength to walk with us to the park, he was no longer enjoying the things that used to bring him joy. On the walk, he had to sit and rest more and more frequently.  I had thought earlier that Martin would be perfectly happy just being at home in our presence, getting our pets and hugs. But those were selfish reasons: I wanted to continue having his clear eyes watching me; I wanted to continue petting his soft fur. He was tired, and even though he was sleeping soundly now through the night, each step during the day got more and more tender.

With Remy, I remember that final day we went to the vet: She could no longer walk. In the yard, I held her up with towels on both ends. Naively, we thought the doctor would give her pain meds to regain her mobility. But the vet explained that dogs, as predators, always appear stronger than they truly are. I see now that perhaps we waited too long for Remy. I had asked too much of her, and I knew that with Martin, I didn’t want to do the same. And so on Wednesday morning, we decided it was time. My vet sent me a list of mobile euthanasia doctors. I did some research on Yelp, and we made the appointment for Thursday at 3pm. The following 24 hrs. felt both too long and too short. For the most part, I felt sure of our decision… until one hour before the doctor’s arrival. I looked at Martin, thinking that he still looked so good: bright eyes, shiny coat, he was walking around the house that day. I led him outside, but he just stood there. He didn’t smell. The sky was gray and cloudy and the winds started picking up. We came back in, and some tiny part of me still believed and wanted the vet to remark on how amazing he looked for his age. Maybe she would think it was too soon.

We heard the front gate, and I opened the door. By then, it had started to rain. She came in and took off her boots and drenched parka. He walked up to her, and she said she could see he was very frail and skinny. And his back legs were weak. My heart dropped, bc I knew then there would be no other option.

I feel very fortunate that we were able to have him home. Dr. Winnick was incredibly calm, patient, and compassionate. I don’t think Martin knew, but I do think he was surprised by the sudden access to so many forbidden foods. The process wasn’t perfect, but he was ok and didn’t feel pain. The first needle went through and punctured on the other side, so Dr. Winnick had to inject the sedative again. In a few minutes, Martin started sleeping deeply. Then, she shaved his back leg and set up the catheter. She seemed to have to apply a lot of pressure on the plunger for the drug to enter his vein. She got halfway and the pressure snapped the syringe off, so she had to go back, re-set, and inject the rest. Given the difficulties the techs had had with Remy, it was unnerving to witness complications again… But Dr. Winnick remained calm, and within seconds, I felt his breathing stop.

Medically, the experience was so much better than for Remy. But it was still unbearable and both of us were complete messes. She gave us a few minutes, came back to take a paw print, and then we moved him onto a stretcher. She set his head on a pillow and covered him in a blanket and then we put him in her car. She drove off and the rain poured out of the sky.

I am so sad he is gone. I thought I cried all the tears out of me. Last night, I even thought that I would still attend the company meeting and holiday party this morning… yeah, didn’t happen. Making the “right” decision didn’t make it any less painful.

I have periods of calm (like now). But the empty nest is quiet. For my entire adult life, I have never been without a dog. Today I feel pangs of regret. For so long, Martin was overshadowed by Remy. I didn’t see and acknowledge the beauty of his soul early enough. I wish I had cherished him more. Sigh. I hope he felt deeply loved.

Thank you for being our loyal buddy for all these years, Marty. Goodbye my beautiful precious boy.

Two Decades Later

An interesting thing happened the other day: after my neighbors L and S had us over for their small gathering, I was on the neighborhood social media site searching for the hosts’ email address. Have you been on NextDoor before? It’s kind of like FB but for your ‘hood. Anyway, I went to the Neighbors tab, where all the people who joined NextDoor in my area are listed alphabetically. I came across a name from my childhood: AB. Huh? I actually had a crush on this guy in middle school. His dad was my pediatrician. I thought, hmmm, could it be the same dude? I did a quick search on LinkedIn, and sure enough, this is the guy! Isn’t that crazy? From the same home town, same class even, to all the way across the country, two streets down. Pretty fricking coincidental.

So wth, I emailed him via NextDoor. The next day, he replied and we’re going to meet up in the new year after J and I get back from Frederick. Then I was telling my dad, bc he knows AB’s dad. And I mean, I suppose it’s not THAT surprising that the Bay Area attracts people from all over: dad has two friends whose daughters are also out here– one in SF and one in San Mateo. Anyway, it was kind of a cool thing. I’m trying to be confident and adult about it too, you know? Like the last time I saw AB, we were 18, just graduated from high school and ready for college. And as I’ve mentioned before, I wasn’t exactly the coolest. It’s one of those things, similar to like visiting my parents… I feel like I have to make a conscious effort not to fall into that box of who I used to be. I know, already I’m overthinking it. Welcome to my life.

In other news, my mother pissed me the fuck off yesterday. She made some comment about how Hillary’s behind the whole assertion that the Russians rigged the elections. That she’s being a sore loser. And OMFG, it became clear to me that she supported Trump. I corrected her, saying that there were multiple federal agencies that made the claim… and Jesus Christ, are you seriously ragging on Hillary when the person you support is a clear racist (and you are an immigrant!), misogynist, totally SKETCHY conman with minimal integrity? Puhleeze. Why must she always instigate me in this way? J even thinks my dad voted for Trump bc of the damn taxes. And then I totally lost it. I got off the phone and was FUMING. Seriously, this Trump dude could be your daughter’s boss, harassing her at work, and you’re going to vote for him bc of fucking taxes? I will concede that mom likely voted for Trump bc she’s a woman hater… one of those backstabbing, catty women. My dad? I am not sure but fuck, I hope to God his decisions are NOT solely about money. Ugh. Then J gets on my case, like why are you trying to control other people’s decisions? They are free to choose. Yes, they are but not with this. They supported Bush and Reagan and Bush again. I got over that. But Trump? It is unacceptable. But J just keeps saying it wouldn’t have made a difference and again, I need to work on how I react to shit. Why is it that among all the people I know, I am the ONLY one who is constantly having to control the way I respond to other people. Why aren’t other people controlling their dumbassery so as to not provoke me? Yeah, so clearly my “positive thinking” vow lasted all of like 24 hours.

Meanwhile, every day I am struggling more and more with the Martin decision. Do we leave him in this weakened state where he will possibly lose all mobility under the care of a stranger? Do we euthanize him before he gets to full paralysis. I just don’t know, and I’m so torn about it. He doesn’t seem to be in pain but he’s a dog. Dogs like to walk and smell new scents. Is he still having good quality of life? Would leaving him in the care of another be more for us than for him? I just can’t decide. I feel like he enjoys the company of all people… he has no fears with strangers. But the sitter works full time… argh. His eating and kidneys are stable again but those legs… J did his own WebMD research and thinks Martin has DM, some degenerative spinal condition that has no treatment. Just this morning, we made it to the park but he wasn’t strong enough to wander around like he used to. We just got there and came back. On the way back, a bicyclist slowed down and said, “He sure walks slow for a dog.” Yeah, he’s almost 17, I replied. “Oh, he looks really good for 17.”

Emotionally, I am also trying to control my feelings of anger and resentment. Like I know my parents are going to piss me off and the trip is going to frustrate me to no end. Honestly, I don’t even want to go. And if something happens to Martin while I am gone, there is the potential for some major rage and blame issues. I am trying to be adult about it all, but I’m just saying: my family really does bring out the worst in me and if my mental state is compromised and then I have to deal with bad news about Marty, things could get very ugly. Today I’m feeling again like I’m just not made for this world. Sigh. Where is that positive thinking I was just talking about?

The Little Engine that Could

I’m feeling so much better these days. Marty started to come around again late Monday. John and I had been crying on and off since the weekend, and then Monday afternoon we decided to give Marty more subcutaneous fluids since we already had half a bag left. The earlier treatment over the weekend didn’t seem to work its usual magic so we didn’t have any expectations. By Monday evening though, he started making a comeback.

We had been noticing a lot of weird noises when he was eating: big time smacking and then he was somehow flattening and not ingesting the chunks of chicken. Wtf? So John suggested that we purée the food, bc Marty appeared hungry but something was weird with his mouth or teeth. I checked his teeth and everything appeared ok but we tried the pureeing anyway. Whadyaknow? Home boy was famished and slurped it all down. We were still a bit cautious though, so we fed small meals every few hours and monitored to make sure he kept it all down. Now it’s Thursday and he is hobbling back to the park three times a day. Back legs slip out more than before but he is looking good.

I know, I hate to be the kid who cried wolf, but in the end fuck it. We are so happy to have him with us for whatever extra time he can give us. I’m grateful.

In other news, I met with my coach this week. He actually says my DISC results aren’t totally accurate bc my D is not has high as the 99/100 I scored. He is coaching another D and he says if you’re truly a super high D, you tend to bulldoze without thinking things through. My C (careful and analytical) scored low but he says no one with a low C calls references! Haha, I had forgotten about that! Before selecting him and the office, I called his references and current students. Anyway, all this goes to reaffirm what Bubbey has always said, modified from that line from Dirty Dancing: You can’t put baby in a box.

My meeting with the coach went well though, bc it made me see that I’m still holding myself back with my tendencies for over-preparation and analysis paralysis. He stressed that there is only so much I can learn from the videos and books. I gotta get a client and I will learn on the job. Fair enough. I needed that kick in the ass.

So, in response, I’ve attended two association meetings this week and toured a bunch of open houses. I reached out to the loan officer who did our first loan on our houseboat and I’m meeting him for lunch next week. I’m aiming to do a donut drop tomorrow, randomly dropping in on a loan officer at a bank to see if there are opportunities to get on their realtor referral list. And I’m organizing a pet donation drive in my neighborhood for the local shelter, the one that reunited us with Marty after he escaped last winter. It’s a way to serve a need, show gratitude for a service I love, and meet more people in the hood. Three birds one stone, baby. With Marty doing better, I’m feeling reinvigorated.

Not Ready

Today was a very emotionally draining day. Martin has progressively gotten weaker: his hind legs are giving out more often causing him to stumble or fall over, mentally he’s becoming more and more confused, and then today he puked three times even after I gave him his subcutaneous injection. Normally, the subq makes him feel loads better and it brings out his appetite. But I suppose the way kidney disease works, the body eventually just can’t process protein and even with the additional fluids flushing out the system, it’s not enough. In late afternoon, John and I started getting ready for a friend’s holiday party in SF. Right as we were about to go, that’s when he puked three times in a row. And then Martin was super weak. I decided to stay home with him, and then I proceeded to cry my eyes out as he slept. In the last few weeks, a few people have asked me when I’m going to make the decision. Perhaps that was their subtle way of telling me they think it’s time? This whole while I’ve been feeling tired and ready for this to be over, and yet once it really felt imminent, I pretty much lost it. And I realized that I will never ever be ready, no matter how exhausted I feel from the caretaking. John says we’ll see how tomorrow goes, but today he was def out of sorts, although there are still moments when he tracks me, watching and following me around the house. I’m feeling esp stressed with the upcoming holidays. Personally, I hate the holidays: it’s just too much family time and now I worry about leaving Martin in his state. It’s just a lot of mental stress.

I know all the angles: we gave him a great life, a very long life… but still. Argh, it really is the hardest part of pet ownership. Oh god, just thinking about the process and how difficult it was with Remy, lying there in the exam room… the heartbreak is unbearable, no matter how much I try to rationalize or explain or self soothe.

I have a busy week ahead for work. I feel behind, now being four weeks in. Last week, I attended some association meetings and shit, there are so many economic/political/global trends to follow. Like with Trump, what are the implications should his tax plans go through, i.e., changes to income tax, capital gains, tax deductions, repeal of the estate tax, changes in interest rates… fuck man, all those metrics that my father tracks, I will now have to know for my work. I’m ok with learning it all and with gaining a better understanding of how all of this is interconnected but it’s still overwhelming. 

Meanwhile, I’ve been reaching out to a lot of people from my past, and some people have responded promptly, others who knows if they will even reply. One friend is actually looking to buy a house right now, but they just signed on with another agent. I know it’s a slow process of building the pipeline, but already I’m worried (bc I’m impatient).

I had lunch with my friend J the other day. She’s the sassy older lady who’s always doing something fun. Yup, she is headed to Mexico with her daughter’s family for Christmas. She was very encouraging about my career in real estate. Maybe she’ll know people. I told her about that Linkages time bank program, and she was thrilled by the idea.

Yesterday afternoon John and I went to the Santa Clara County historic homes tour… a wonderful idea but a little rough in its execution. Of course, I enjoy touring homes. That said, I’ve never really been a fan of old things. You know how some people, like my MIL, really cherish the quality and the craftsmanship of things from the past. So this tour was all about retaining original features and showcasing pieces and artifacts from way long ago. It looked pretty cool and I appreciated that the homeowners share that passion, but for John and me, we’re much more of the looks good but is cheap and replaceable mentally. I know, totally not environmental but I guess I feel like you have to be too careful around old antiquey things. Anyway, it’s interesting to see the lengths people go to in order to preserve and restore the old. The best thing about the tour: I visited the home of a former coworker and it was an absolutely adorable and charming California bungalow. We caught up for a while and it was so nice reconnecting. Her kid, who was 2 when I last saw him, is now 5!! I enjoyed touring their home. John commented that I always feel happy when I see my friends, family, and acquaintances living comfortably. I guess that’s really true. I mean, the world can be a tough and unforgiving place, so seeing people I know doing well gives me great comfort.

Anyway, I’m suddenly very tired. My face is swollen from all the crying about Marty. Going to hit the sack early and try to start fresh tomorrow.

Mood Swings

My mood has been all over the damn place lately. This week, I was feeling super energized work-wise. Every time I’ve gone into the office (just 10 minutes away!), I’ve met some really nice and friendly people. The vibe is so welcoming and cohesive! Also, the staff are on it! Like as soon as I submitted my formal paperwork, I was set up with the email account, website, intranet access, etc. Same day service! On Friday, the office also hosted a holiday party, and it was a lovely spread. I asked about taking something, and the organizers were all like: oh no, we’re ordering food so don’t worry about it. Mind you, this whole last month or two, bc I couldn’t formally submit my docs, I haven’t even had to pay any business fee or anything to attend all the trainings. They don’t care. They seem to really understand the concept of building goodwill. Anyway, I feel really good about my decision to join this office.

Of course, just as all of the work stuff is ramping up, Marty is not doing well. He is uncomfortable/restless at night. We administered 400 ml of fluids two days ago, and yesterday, he started eating again but his legs are increasingly weak. He’s been trembling a lot more, and then this morning, he was too weak to do much beyond going into the backyard. I just gave him another 350 ml this morning. If he’s not better by tomorrow, I’m going to take him to the vet. The decline is inevitable and yet my mind is still in some kind of denial… Thank goodness we aren’t traveling for Thanksgiving.

In other news, John and I are on weird sleep schedules again. I try to sleep in (wake up between 8-9AM) while he’s up early, but by mid-day, he’s all crashed out. He’s been reading a book lately about dictatorships and the principles of power and then watching new tv series like Narco and Black Mirror. All really thought-provoking, disturbing content about the crazy world we now live in and the hurdles that will come in the future. I’m still very sad and disillusioned with the elections to the point that I don’t feel emboldened or empowered at all. I signed a few petitions, but I’m still so disheartened. All the news about the potential cabinet members… it’s all fucked up. And I have lost faith. Even if we were to speak out and march and protest and write letters… ultimately, he and his cronies just DON’T CARE about the opposing point of view. You know what I mean? They think what they think and they are absolutely unapologetic, so how then do the pressures of protest change their minds or actions? I honestly do not see a way out of this fucking mess.

My friend J invited me to join her and the hubs for the Women’s March in DC the day after inauguration. Right now, that kind of action seems utterly pointless. And then Bubs keeps wanting to talk about all this stuff he’s reading: I cannot deal with the world right now!

And so, I can only proceed by focusing on my new business and on Martin. Otherwise, this shit is too damn overwhelming and paralyzing.

Tonight, we’ve got tickets to a magic show and dinner at the California Magic Theater in Martinez. The theater is like 70 minutes away, but I’m looking forward to the distraction. The world sure could use some more magic these days.

Square One

OMG, the tasks just never end. Just as I started getting comfy with my newest favorite dog sitter, turns out she’s not available for Christmas. Whatdya know, dog sitters go on vacation too. So this morning, I launched another exhaustive search, inquiring with 11 new sitters. Thankfully two are maybes: I have a call with one this evening and a meet and greet slated with another person for Monday. See? Turns out it’s a good thing I labelled everything all around the house, bc now it’ll be helpful for the newbie.

The good news is that Marty is mostly stabilized. His appetite has been good and his legs are strong enough to carry him in/out of the doggie door and on multiple walks to the park. I’ve even got the bedtime diaper routine down, such that by morning, it’s only filled with urine. Poor Marty: sometimes I hear him use the doggie door in the middle of the night… little does he know, there’s no need to venture outside just to pee in his diaper. Ah well, old habits die hard, right? But dang that thing gets heavy by morning. My poor Marty. Aging sucks boat loads.

Today the plumbing crew came to install our tankless water heater. I’ve used this plumbing company twice before, and they are always clean, neat, and just plain good. The work took most of the day and we had to shut off the water completely, but by 3:30pm, everything was done. I also managed to find a $300 federal tax rebate for our unit! It’s kinda annoying bc every time I ask contractors about energy/appliance rebates, they never know. Sure would be great if vendors tracked that sort of thing, but then again, I suppose it changes so much year to year, it’s easier to just push that responsibility onto the customer. The work did require a puncture through the roof to add a vent, and oddly enough, it rained lightly this afternoon. I’m not worried though. I’m sure the roof wound is all patched up. Next, J will be applying for a permit; after that, we’re going to scout out vanities and contractors for when we knock down the wall and move the toilet. Argh so many details. I can’t even imagine the level of project management involved for G&J’s place where they are remodeling the entire basement, like almost an extra 1000 sf! Plus, they are both working full time with an active toddler and a baby on the way. Ambitious people.

I swung by the real estate office today. Pretty much, I can’t submit any paperwork until that damn license (with the BRE number) arrives in the mail. However, I have started watching the recommended videos, and I also took the Tony Robbins’ DISC profile test (again). Yup, I actually took the test a few years ago: my results this time are different in scale/intensity but essentially the same with regards to rank/priority of the categories. In other words, I have super high D (Dominance), then next highest is I (Interactive), then low and leveled off for S (Stabilizing) and C (Cautious). Here’s a quick summary of my profile. The report is quite fascinating as it also delves into your natural vs. adaptive state (how you behave/perform under stress). Anyway, here’s a breakdown of what my scores reveal for the four categories.

Dominance: Your score shows a very high score on the ‘D’ spectrum.
· You are very decisive and a risk-taker.
· You migrate towards difficult assignments and opportunity for advancement.
· Your approach tends to be forceful and very direct.
· You are a great source of innovation and new solutions, even if radical sometimes.
· You may be perceived as somewhat egocentric by others (i.e., others who you feel are less confident than you).
· You love a good challenge, seek freedom, and look for a lot of variety.

Interactive: Your score shows a high average score on the ‘I’ spectrum.
· You tend to meet new people in a confident and appropriate manner.
· You like democratic not dictatorial relationships on the job.
· People may find you charming to meet and to converse with on a variety of topics.
· You appreciate an open-door policy with both peers and supervisors.
· You present yourself in a poised manner to both small or large groups of people.
· You prefer an environment with ample people contact.

Stabilizing: Your score shows a low average score on the ‘S’ spectrum.
· You respect the established ways, but are open to change when it is deemed necessary.
· You are comfortable acting alone to determine the best course of action.
· You prefer a faster paced environment, but one that is not frantic or chaotic.
· You can multitask fairly well.
· You are flexible enough to deal with change openly and without fear.
· You like being mobile and on the go, but you like a home base to return to from time to time.

Cautious: Your score shows a low average score on the ‘C’ spectrum.
· You are flexible enough to work with or without a lot of structure or order.
· You can easily work independently when it comes to completing tasks and assignments.
· You may be perceived as being non-committal by some when it comes to deciding on how to proceed.
· To you, rules are guidelines, not concrete.
· You prefer to act as your “own person” rather than follow the norm.
· You are persistent in trying to get a message across, even in the midst of resistance.

These are suggestions for me to be more effective: You could be more effective
by:
• Becoming more aware of your approach to others, and it’s impact on others.
• Trying not to over-react.
• Being aware that your level of aggressiveness and tenacity may be off putting to others.
• Having support staff to handle the detail work.
• Reducing your competitive edge when dealing with others who aren’t as competitive as you.
• Becoming more sensitive to the climate or the situation, and adjusting your intensity accordingly.
• Learning to follow as well as you might lead.
• Remembering to negotiate difficult matters in a real-time, face-to-face manner, rather than through electronic means.

Interestingly, I don’t even consider myself competitive, but the other items are pretty spot on. For example, I wanted to negotiate my commission split via email, but Bubbey told me I had to do it in person. Haha.

Other tasks for this week? Bubs is going to do my photoshoot for my business cards and web materials. Argh, I kinda hate pictures of myself but apparently, homebuyers and sellers want to match the name to a face to build trust. Fuck. Phil Dunphy in da house! We’ll see what I come up with.

Licensee!!!

Holy shit, I passed my real estate salesperson exam this morning. It’s been a few hours since I got the actual paper indicating such (I checked several times that it was MY name on the thing!), but I’m still feeling like this a dream. Honestly, the last several weeks have been a blur. And having to deal with Tessa the last five days def did NOT help at all. That dog. Aside from her aggression and territorial issues that emerged despite two successful trials with daycare, she also required all kinds of supervision. Seriously, THE most challenging client ever. For example, she kept trying to eat Martin’s food; she would NOT stay off the furniture; she thrashed her dog pillow like a maniac; she got into bags, found cockroach traps… ANYthing on the floor; she was an awful, stubborn walker (she’d just cop a squat when she didn’t want to go in your direction); she got into the bathroom garbage like THREE times… the list goes on. Jesus Christ. I really wish some dog parents were more in-tune/transparent/honest about their dogs meeting basic behavioral standards. And heck, what kind of 8-y/o adult dog is so freaking incorrigible??? Supposedly, she had an extensive vocabulary… Whatever. At the end of the day, she still didn’t understand “No!” Needless to say, given these last two duds, I am taking a break from Rover. Yup, Bubbey called it for real: the good streak was bound to end and shit, Rover burned me good!

But whatever. On to bigger and better, now that I’ve passed the license exam, right? It’ll take the Bureau more paperwork and time to actually issue the legit license, but hell, I am just so relieved this part is over. My anxiety was getting out. of. control. Big time. Like I was thinking about how most people fear public speaking more than they fear death. Well, I fear test taking more than I fear public speaking (actually, I don’t mind public speaking so much anymore). Damn, I was popping Calms Forte like every day. And fuck, I studied super cray cray. Like used a gabillion books, plus webinars, plus study guides, a Saturday cram class, AND took over 1000 practice questions…

Thankfully, Bubbey saw how worked up I was getting over everything, so he stepped up big time, handling all the meals and groceries and household logistics. Then, he drove me to the exam site in Oakland this morning. Yup, like I’m Miss Daisy. It helped a ton though, bc that East Bay traffic would have taken my stress to a new level.

Now that the test is done, I’m actually really excited to find a brokerage AND start enrolling in all kinds of training/coaching programs. You know I eat that shit up! And of course, our trip to Seoul and Taiwan kicks off soon, so I’ll be able to chill out a bit, without stressing about re-taking the test. Whew! What a goddamn relief.

 

 

Two Days

OMG, so much can happen in two days. J and I flew out on Sunday to Reno… yup, first time flying into that airport for a quick trip to Tahoe. Super easy flight. I just need it to be from SJC instead of OAK. Baby steps though. Besides that, J and I always think that we’re outsmarting people by hitting up destinations off-season, and then we show up and everything is fucking closed for construction or renovation or transition or whatever. I mean, the peace and quiet is awesome and definitely, no crowds, but man, all the historic sites and tours shut down at the end of September. So really, we just missed it by a few days.

Nonetheless, we had a great time taking in the landscape and hitting up historic homes. Even if we couldn’t go inside the lake estates, as they are called, the grounds by the lake were stunning. We kinda took things easy after settling in the first night. The temps got cold real fast though once the sun went down. And it started flurrying. Since it was the first snow of the season, people at Heavenly went bonkers. I was really hoping the precipitation would stop, but it didn’t. The next morning, the snow had actually stuck!

All in all, we had a fun little getaway… we were trying this new dog sitter and I wasn’t getting too many updates from her. When I checked our cams, no activity. She finally replied and said all was fine, she just conked out. Ok. Meanwhile, we ate gross food (Tahoe really needs to step up the food options) and then attended a magic show. There was a super cute magic theater venue right there in the village. J even got called up to the tiny stage. Haha. A pretty good show but dang, those magicians are super amped up!! His finale was killer, and then he also turned us on to a bunch of magic-theater venues throughout the country. Turns out there’s one in Martinez!! Yup, so now I have another 5 venues to add to the bucket list.

We returned home this evening and Marty looked well. He’s had great appetite and walked without issue. Then I find a note on the counter from the sitter: basically, our plumbing went out and both bathrooms plus the hallway (washer/dryer) flooded when she tried to wash his doggie towels. She was very apologetic like it was her fault (she couldn’t remember if maybe I had instructed her not to use the washer). Oh, no!! The water was all mopped up and then all the wet towels were in the tub. I’m glad she cleaned everything but um, why didn’t she contact me??? Something similar happened almost 4 years ago when I was home, but still, this is just one of those “shit happens” incidents. Anyway, thank god the plumber is coming tomorrow and yeah, I felt bad for the sitter’s inconvenience…

Just now, it’s 11pm and I receive a text from her saying that the plumbing issue made for a bad experience and she’s allergic to something in the house. She can’t sit Marty for Taiwan. UGH!!! That’s fine. I reply that I’m glad she watched him, he looks good, and sorry for the trouble. BUT it would have been nice for her to keep me posted so I could call the plumber right away!!!

So now, we’re back from our trip, I’ve got a huge pile of wet stuff and no shower. Hopefully, the plumber will bust the blockage tomorrow… But things are gonna be crazy from here on out. Tessa is coming tomorrow for five days. And I just got invited by one of the realtors I met  LinkAges to attend an all-day real estate event on Thursday. And my test is Tuesday. I’ve just reached out to two more potential sitters on Rover tonight. I’m meeting one tomorrow.

Fuck man, not having care for Marty is like one of the most stressful things ever. But shit happens. We’ll figure it out.[FAG id=7486]