Category Archives: Health

Dragon Ass

Dayum, I started this week off with big dreams. On Sunday, I was back in the saddle  for the first time in a month. I had a decent ride, but John accompanied and afterwards he made some kind of comment to the effect of: After 2 1/2 years of lessons, I dunno where I expected your skill level to be, but it was supposed to be higher than what I’m seeing.

Ugh… I know, it sounds worse than he had intended. But he’s also kinda right. Maybe I had even envisioned myself roping cattle by now. I don’t honestly remember what 2.5-year milestone I had set when I started. I probably did expect myself to feel more confident and comfortable when riding out in the fields and on the trails. But these days I spend most of my time in the arena, because I like to work on the technical aspect of riding. I’m a bit perfectionist that way. I feel like being out in the fields is too distracting, and I can’t focus/obsess on the horse’s feet and steps and cadence. I’m such a lune.

Anyway, whatever. Riding was a nice way to kick off the week, but then that evening, Bubbey got sick, as I mentioned yesterday. Sunday night I slept like crap again. Remy was restless at night. I’m telling you, this sleep problem is going to be the death of me! On Monday, John stayed home sick. I was on nurse patrol, checking his temp every few hours, going to the grocery for nourishment, cooking up meats that had been out of the freezer a tad too long. I upped the dosage for Remy but then I ran out of meds, so it was only upped for like a random day. Back to the vet. You get the story: tedium, tedium. Suddenly, the day’s over.

Today, I was to start anew. Bubbey was sick in the morning but decided to go in later. I was going to do job apps, proceed with the coaching, do my virtual storytelling conference, and do my class, etc. Then my dad’s email account (which he has me check, esp while he’s away) gets an email that the heat is out in the rental condo, and the tenant is freezing. Well believe it or not, that shot my whole day, because it’s fucking 10 degrees in Washington these days. So I was on the phone nearly all day back and forth with like six people trying to coordinate a repair appointment and trying to get this issue resolved. Repair man said one thing. Building manager said another. Then for some reason, everyone had a middle man, so rather than speak directly to the repair tech, I had to go through his dispatcher. Rather than talk to the tenant, I had to speak with her boss who actually signed the lease on behalf of the company. And seriously, the tech and building manager had totally opposite takes on what was wrong. Tech said it’s a building issue. Building manager insisted it’s specific to the heater inside the unit. Round and round and round. Now the tech has turned on the emergency heat so the tenant is happy, but there are still questions on what the culprit is. I had to call my dad overseas twice to see whether any parts had been replaced, blah, blah. To be continued tomorrow. The webinar I was trying to take today as part of the Virtual Storytelling Conference this week? Shot to hell.

Ah well, the good news today is that I randomly contacted someone for an informational interview, and she said yes! Now I have two interviews for Friday. Interestingly, late last night I watched/read a bunch of postings by the Human Workplace. I love the lady Liz’s spunk and sass. But as much as I agree with everything she says, I have a hard time believing there are actually companies out there really, truly ok with deviating from the established recruitment process. Seriously. Just this week, I called Yahoo to inquire the hiring manager’s name for their division, Yahoo for Good. I had spent all this time scouring for the contact online but to no avail. When I called to ask, they said they don’t give out that info. Really? You can’t tell me the director of one of your divisions? Then I also asked about reaching out directly to the hiring manager for another position I applied for. I was advised from an internal source to let the normal process play out a bit. I mean, maybe to Liz’s point, some rules are just meant to be broken. I dunno. Job hunting really is a weird ball game.

In other news, John and I switched from Verizon to T-Mobile two Sundays ago. Unfortunately, reception at home is now worse than ever. John was stressing about his mistake to switch over, so I called T-mobile and spoke with a bunch of reps to get a signal booster sent out to us. Blah, blah, the unit was supposed to be expedited, but someone fucked up and the UPS Ground was irreversible and no more units could get shipped to me. Yeah, unbelievably complicated. Well tomorrow is finally the day of delivery. I sure hope this signal booster works, because I am not about to take on yet another logistical task to suck all my fucking time.

Not Again!

Remy has been kinda restless these last several nights. She gets up and walks out of the bedroom only to turn around and come back. She can’t quite seem to get comfortable in any of the pillows or even on the floor. When I got up this morning around 7 to feed the pups, she seemed especially unsteady. She didn’t finish her food like she normally does, and then she stumbled down the hall into the bedroom. She suddenly started panting heavily, and then she just lied down. The last time this happened (a week ago), she threw onto her side, and I felt like that weird heavy-body-whimpering combo was about to start. I immediately got on the ground and squeezed her and just started massaging her whole body. Then, the moment passed in about 10 seconds, and she came back. She slept like a baby afterwards. This morning, as soon as she lied down with the heavy panting, I started to hug her tightly, and then the moment passed again in a few seconds.

I don’t know what the hell is going on, but it does seem like holding her tightly somehow short-circuits the onset of something worse. I looked all of this up online (and also called the vet tech), and whether these episodes are seizures or acute collapse (aka fainting or syncope), the causes can be issues with: 1) The nervous system 2) The musculoskeletal system 3) The circulatory system or 4) The respiratory system. Well that narrows it down, right?! Next time, I’m supposed to have the wherewithal to video that shit. 🙁 I guess the good news is that she seems ok afterwards, and all else seems normal: eating, drinking, pooping, and peeing. I have also added a third daily dose of Tramadol, because her legs have appeared stiffer the last week. Hopefully, it will also help her sleep better at night and not be so damn restless. Ugh. I’m really tired from all of this. Aging sucks.

In other news, Bubbey got sick last night. He started getting a sore throat, and today he also had burning eyes and headaches. No fever though (After my whole bout, I was extra vigilant about taking his temp). He’s taken DayQuil and Advil, but he doesn’t seem to be getting better. I’m worried he’ll have to stay home again tomorrow. Geez, our whole house is an infirmary. Martin is the only one who’s healthy. Too bad he’s too damn oblivious to help take care of us!

 

The Phoenix Rises

I made considerable progress this week staying in and sleeping a shitload. The infection is gone now (at least it feels gone), and I’m just battling remnant congestion. Whew! Today I am finally feeling near normal… three weeks later, of course!

Now I gotta get back to normalcy, because shit, I was forced to wipe my calendar clean for three weeks!! I missed out on all kinds of fun (I know, it was killing me!). This weekend I’m doing an all-day “dare to reinvent yourself” workshop tomorrow, and then I’ll probably just lay low the rest of the weekend. My strength is still sub-par. I’m considering climbing back into the saddle on Sunday while the rest of the town watches football, but I don’t know. We’ll see. All I know is, next week all my social activities are coming back online. Enough is enough, I tell ya!

In other news, I’ve got my next Coursera class lined up. Also, I’m getting back on the job application wagon. Yup, I sent out two apps this week, including one for an area family foundation seeking a digital communications officer. I spent all week crafting my letters and fine-tuning my CV and portfolio. I shipped the second app out this afternoon, so I could stop obsessing over the holiday weekend. Fingers crossed!!

Ok, well I had a pretty packed day. My buds T and M came over for lunch today, and I made pork chops with mushroom sauce. They turned out ok; then again, those two are easy to please when it comes to food. I’m just about hitting a wall now, which works out since I’ll need to be up early tomorrow for my workshop. I’m going in with an open mind!

Fix Me!

Today was my last day on the Z-Pak, the super duper antibiotic treatment. Oddly, after the drugs had me feeling AMAZING on Sunday, I felt a downturn starting on Monday and Tuesday. I was just getting wiped out every three hours, and my throat started getting scratchy. Also, the nasal congestion started up… When I awoke this morning, I felt like shit, so I went back to the doctor.

I saw a different doctor this time. He was super peppy for 9 a.m., but I liked his vibe. And he sorta used language that I like to hear. Like he said, “Ok, let’s take a look to see how we’re gonna fix you!” Yes! I have been completely broken for two weeks, and goddamnit, this shit is getting old. Get me back up and running!! The good news is that he thinks my infection is gone, and all of this crap is just remnant sinus congestion. So, he recommended Allegra D + Flonase for five days. At night, Benadry if I need to sleep. Then, switch over to Allegra normal for five days after that. Bam, I ought to be back in action in 3-5 days. Freaking awesome.

So today I popped the Allegra D. I felt better quickly after; although he warned that I might be bouncing off the walls from the caffeine. I was really looking forward to a brief return of “power mode,” but that didn’t happen. Instead, I watched yet another relationship movie on Amazon Prime and then took a nap. When I got up, I took the dogs to the park. Incidentally, I ran into the dog sitter, and she was shocked by how awful I looked. Really, it was actually kind of amusing to see the disbelief in her face. She just kept saying, “Oh my goodness, I have never seen you look so terrible EVER!!” Gotta love the radical honesty. Well, two plus weeks lying around in bed wearing yoga pants will zap the glam right out. Sigh. When will I wear my pretty clothes again? Haha, so vain.

Well, I did maybe three things today, so my energy is just about depleted. Back to bed! Hoping for some magic tomorrow.

Doctor’s Orders

Well, the doctor squeezed me in for an appointment on Saturday morning. Here I had been telling everyone (namely, my father) that I just had a scratchy throat and head congestion. No fever, no fever. He was like, you need to see a doctor. So I did, and as it turned out, I DID have a fever! A substantial 102 degrees even! Which means, if a 102-degree fever doesn’t even register with me, when I DID feel I had a fever, it must have been much higher. I’m a dumbass, and you know, looking back, even as a child, I ran crazy high fevers: 104-105 every time I got sick. Maybe that explains my brain damage.

Anyway, the doctor was concerned. She said, normally, a fever isn’t a big deal except that I was already two weeks into this sickness. I said I had a lot of head congestion so maybe it was just a sinus infection, but she said usually sinus infections don’t really cause fevers that high. I was really kinda taken aback, because seriously, I didn’t think I was running a temperature. And you know what? During the whole two weeks, I never once busted out the thermometer. Why? I dunno, because I’m stupid! I’m embarrassed to say that I’m the daughter of a physician. So fucking oblivious with my health, right?

Long story short, the doctor kinda wanted to do a chest x-ray, because she was suspecting walking pneumonia. Yup. I mean, I really should have expected something bad. After all, this is the same damn body that had shingles (a few times) and H1N1. I was a little reluctant about the x-ray though, because well, that shit is pricey. She said the treatment would be the same (antibiotics), but in case if I didn’t get better, the x-ray would give more information on what was going on. Something like that. I didn’t grasp it completely. I was a little zoned out.

She said something about me being sick for a long time (since December 29), and I think she was silently asking why the hell I had waited so damn long to see her. I didn’t really know what to say. I mean, when the symptoms got really bad, I took DayQuil and NyQuil, and then that made me feel good enough to leave the house and run errands, cook, do laundry. I guess I have the foolish thinking of a teenager: I’m invincible. I explained that I don’t really pay attention to my body. When it doesn’t feel well, I get impatient with it, and then I just power through because I don’t want to be inconvenienced. Even as I was telling her all this, I was still planning on going out that night on a double date dinner and concert in Santa Cruz. See? I’m incorrigible! Fortunately, I had enough brain cells left to ask if I was contagious, and she said, well yes, technically you are contagious until 24 hours after being fever free. And you have a fever now. Fuck. That was the only thing that made me cancel my plans.

Anyway, I’m now on that Zithromax, super antibiotics 4-day plan. On Sunday, I felt the best I’d felt in over two weeks. It had been so long ago, I had almost forgotten what that felt like. Naturally, I then wanted to get out and do all kinds of things. But I was trying to learn my lesson. I mean seriously. Walking pneumonia. Calm the fuck down. So I stayed home and in bed ALL WEEKEND LONG: watched some movies, did some meditation, sat around in yoga pants. It nearly drove me crazy, but this is what I have to do. In the new year, I really need to focus on getting rest.

For example, why do I wake up as soon as Remy walks to my side of the bed: 2 a.m., 4 a.m., 6 a.m. It doesn’t matter what hour of the night or morning. She doesn’t even whimper or paw at the bed or anything (like she used to). She just walks over quietly, and I wake up. Seems like I should be slumbering much more deeply… like she should have to DO something to wake me, right? So this is my new challenge for the new year. I have to start sleeping deeply, and I’m pretty sure deep rest is going to change my life! 😉

Pattern of Sickness

So it’s now been almost TWO WEEKS, and I am still sick. Sure, in the span of twelve days, I’ve gotten better then not, better then not a few times. For now, I believe the sweat-my-brains out fevers are behind me, but I just can’t seem to shake this head congestion and scratchy throat. I have been drinking TONS of water too. What the hell is wrong with me? John suggested I see the doctor this morning, and of course, all the family practice and internal med docs are completely booked. Is this flu epidemic for real?

The thing is, I even got the flu shot! Yes, I was late to the game and got it in early December, but still. Wth? I suppose my main problem is rest. I have a hard time getting good rest. Even when I’m well, I can’t sleep. John says I’m on the same up and down pattern as Remy. You see, Rems was doing amazing after her bout with lameness over Thanksgiving. Pop a few pills and bam, she was up walking to the park again. She was even starting to use the doggie door again, and so John and I thought we’d try to boost her quality of life a bit more by trying out the chiropractor. So on Tuesday, I took Remy to the chiro. The lady was so nice, and she had this portable laser machine that she described like a miracle device. Seriously. She said it had all these different settings including wound healing, which she uses on her hubby whenever he has any scrapes/lesions from bicycling. To be honest, as she described how it decreased inflammation for arthritis and joint pain and facilitated cell regeneration for skin damage, I was about ready to go research this device to buy for my own personal use. It was like an “As Seen on TV” moment for me. And Remy was so calm while the lady applied the cold laser to her hips and shoulder blades. Remy is hardly ever that calm at the vet’s office. When we got home, even John commented that Remy was moving around more sprightly. This was going to be her fountain of youth!!

Then, the next day, she regressed substantially. Her back end kept tucking under. What the heck? Then… she had a seizure aura. I think that’s the term for the pre-seizure moment where Remy just suddenly falls to her side and starts wailing continuously. Holy crap. Her whole body goes completely limp, super heavy, and she just gets in this weird zone. Something similar had happened back in September, but the wailing was followed by a grand mal seizure where the body just started thrusting uncontrollably.  That shit was so fucking scary. I had talked to my vet friend about it, and she said if it just happened one time, I shouldn’t worry too much, but I should just pay attention to everything that changes: new food, new treats, different cleaning solvents, anything. Since then, I have kept things super consistent. She rarely gets scraps, and I stick with the same kibble and treats. She doesn’t really go anywhere beyond home and the park. And yeah, she was doing so amazing since her lameness bout. What the heck happened? So with this aura, the next day, it happened again! She was eating breakfast; she abruptly went to the living room and lied down. She started breathing kinda heavy, and then suddenly, she threw onto her side and the wailing began again. This episode was shorter and again, no convulsions. So then I was super freaked out. Two days in a row. I emailed the chiro like, this happened after her appointment. Maybe you pinched a nerve or something? Is it a coincidence? Poor chiro. She said it’s unlikely she pinched anything thing… as I saw, the adjustments were super gentle.

The weird thing is, after the episode, Remy was wiped. But by the afternoon, she was better again and walking around. The chiro: she was so kind and sweet. She offered another cold laser treatment to see if it would make Remy more comfortable. Remy is so amazingly calm with the chiro. I then called the vet to inquire about the pain and anti-inflammatory meds. Could seizures be some kind of side effect from those? She’d been taking them for over a month. The vet assistant kinda dismissed what I said, saying she’d never heard of the meds doing that, so then I googled it. Weird thing: Meloxicam and Tramadol both list seizures as side effects (seizures in humans taking Tramadol; may raise pet’s risk of seizure) . Gabapentin is listed as a anti-seizure med and pain killer. So then I called the vet. The vet says she has never seen those meds cause seizures and in her books, seizures are not listed as a side effect. Are we not looking at the same information?? That’s not to say, Remy isn’t responding to the meds differently than most other dogs… She said usually, seizures in older dogs are caused by brain disorders or tumors. So is this where experience vs. books are supposed to come into play? She said she really didn’t think the meds were causing these episodes, so she suggested I continue with treatment, or if I wanted, I could take something out. I explained that I ran out of Tramadol, so she said ok, try the meds without Tramadol. Then I looked online, and it said not to suddenly discontinue taking Tramadol or you could get vomiting, diarrhea, chills. Ugghhh, so much conflicting infomration!! I’m going to the vet now to pick up the Tramadol and talk to the pharmacist.

Death Bed

Holy crap, I have been deathly ill since Sunday. Yes, I have been in hell for five full days. Here’s the thing. Every year around the holidays, I get sick. And no, not just some coughing, sniffles, and headaches. I get really sick: watering eyes, major congestion, body aches, and crazy-ass fever. I just sweated my brains out for days. Yup, awoke every few hours in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. It was disgusting. All of this started Sunday, after well, we had been back East for a week, and I was exposed to a gabillion sick people, but who’s pointing a finger, right?

By Wednesday, I was feeling slightly better so I cleaned the house, did a ton of laundry, and changed all the sheets. Well, turns out I over did it on Wednesday, because Thursday returned to bite me in the ass, and here we are on Friday afternoon, and I am still in bed. Wth??

But this is what I have now concluded. I get sick every year around the holidays, because they just stress me the fuck out. Whether I visit family (as in this year’s case) or not, the end of the year is a time of massive reflection and overthinking. Yes, I do those things year-round, but in December, they kick up a notch. You know, all that fun crap like what did I get done in the last year, am I a better/improved person, do I have more of my life figured out, is Bubbey happy, are my parents happier, how much longer will Remy last, etc.? This year the family time was actually pretty painless. My parents aren’t quite as critical of me now that I am older, so they don’t really say things that trigger my usual angry, belligerent responses. That said, I still feel the disappointment and sadness. They don’t say anything anymore, but that doesn’t mean they don’t think/feel sadness. They just don’t express it to me anymore. And yeah, nothing can be done. My brother is not going to suddenly become the concerned, responsible, caring person we all want him to be. I’m not going to have the children they want me to have. These facts of life are immutable. So I can easily say, well serves them right for having expectations, for hinging their happiness on these uncontrollable factors. And yet, I do this all the time myself. I deprive myself of happiness, because the people I love are not happy. I look at everyone else around me and I focus on what I am lacking, how I am deficient. I understand this behavior all too well. I know I can’t change these things for my parents, so I try to live my own life another way. I try to find positive energies in activities, in friends, in learning, in meditation, in new habits. But these demons invariably find me again. And so I end each year feeling overwhelmed by all my inadequacies, by all my faults. And I make myself sick. I haven’t slept well for probably the last month. I stopped exercising. The downward spiral begins, and wham, what do you know, I’m sick.

But the good thing about me, is that I’m tough. Maybe not physically, as evidenced by my year-end downfall, but mentally, I am resilient. It’s a new year, and I have new goals. Yes, I fell off the wagon, but you know what, I’m getting back on. What else is there to do? Unlike with other years, I don’t have a whole list of resolutions. But I know I want to keep taking those baby steps and keep doing things I love and enjoy. But definitely, I need to start sleeping again. I am convinced good sleep is the secret of successful people. 😉

Tonight, I start anew. Happy New Year everybody. I wish you all good things!

Running on Empty

I know. These last several posts, I’ve only obsessed about how exhausted I’ve been from hustling so hard. Today’s post isn’t about me. Refreshingly. It’s about my friends who are parents to young children. Yes, multiple ones all under 5 years of age. You see, I had lunch the other day with a friend who popped her second kid four months ago. Prior to our meet up, she dropped me a line out of the blue, and I could just tell that she was maxed out. The sense I get is that parenthood, at least in the beginning, isolates people. Their entire social life shuts down, and life boils down to basic survival. I know, it sounds like hyperbole, but this is a theme that just keeps coming up. Massive sleep deprivation and back to basics level of functionality. Friends, fun, entertainment, a night out, a rock concert? Gone. Done. Sure, it’s a trade off– for just a “season” but dayum, these people are running on empty.

When I went over to my friend’s house earlier this week, she looked fine, but when I sat down and talked with her, I could see her absolute frustration. Baby no. 2 was not a good sleeper. He had acid reflux, and she was getting up every two hours. She said every night, at the end of the day, she just longed to sit there alone to not think of anything. She says it’s just a short period where she doesn’t have to think of the next thing to do… it’s almost like a time of pause to mentally rest. And then the night begins (with the wakeups), and everything repeats the next day. I’ve heard a few people now describe this…

She was telling me how hard all of this is. Last weekend, the family went to visit a relative. When they arrived at the apartment complex, the older kid suddenly decided to throw an earth-shattering tantrum right outside in the parking lot. She described 20 minutes of complete chaos, of uncontrolled screaming, and she was simply beside herself on why he was doing this. The neighbors all came outside to see what was going on… there were no words to even explain.

Today, a FB friend posted this piece about parenting: I suppose the answer is to cut yourself a break or two, try to preserve a sense of self, maintain a program of self care and marriage care. Sounds so complicated, especially if you’re just surviving day to day. And what if you don’t have access to childcare that you trust? I don’t know what the real solution is here. I just feel like my parent friends need to get out more often. They sound pretty beaten down.

Btw, this was an interesting read on relationships/marriage, also discovered via FB. I dunno about Tip #12… sounds a bit animalistic to me, but the other advice sound pretty solid.