Category Archives: Getting Shit Done

Stilettos and Clubs

Oh my, it’s been another hectic week. Things started off kinda crappy bc of my lingering cold. At Bubbey’s urging, I called the advice nurse line at Kaiser to see if 10+ days with a sore throat seemed right to them. The nurse was super nice and she said she was battling the same nasty cold herself… there is nothing you can do except continue with the honey/lemon/hot water concoction, suck on throat lozenges, bundle up, and protect your throat from exposure to anything extreme like cold outside air or blasts of dry hot air from indoor heaters. Then, she specifically said, wear a scarf and cover your mouth from these extremes. Omfg, my parents and their constant nagging were right about everything once again! Wtf. I said that to the lady and she cracked up. I mean, every time my parents tell me all this shit, I just roll my eyes. Now I waited on hold for ten minutes to hear the same info from a professional. SMH.

Meanwhile, our poor friend A who invited us to Pasadena… she’s on two different inhalers plus two different antibiotics and she was ordered to stay home on bed rest for another week. Really bad.

Work wise, I tried really hard to get back on track this week. There were a host of trainings and meetings. I met another newbie who was one month in and she had already started meeting with loan officers. And then I realized that, in some way or another, I was procrastinating with that shit. Oh hell no, I am not going to be outworked by another newb. So that afternoon, I reached out to several loan officers and booked appointments. It’s Gou time, mother fuckers.

I scheduled five appointments for the next seven days, and then I’m also planning random drop ins too. One super high producing loan officer at a credit union called me back and invited me to either meet at the office and get a tour and meet the underwriters, OR we could meet at the Capital Club after work where he could book a booth for us. Don’t get the wrong idea: I wasn’t creeped out by it or anything, but I was thinking to myself: what the heck is the Capital Club? Holy crap, that’s how real power players roll. Shit, I am NOT ready!!! Thankfully, I was able to think fast and just opt to see the office and meet the team. After I got off the phone, though. The CC is a country club… like members only kind of place. Oh man, another reminder that real estate can be a fancy world. Shit. I gotta step my shit up!

Which brings me to another issue. I have to revisit my style. I mean, I’m certainly not the frumpiest in the lot of agents, but I’m also not A game. This line of work is def dressier than anywhere else I’ve ever been, including the stodgy environmental engineering firm from back in the day. The ladies who look nice have their shit together: hair, makeup, nails, jewelry. I am seeing a lot of expensive bags and shoes– big time heels, like 3-inch stilettos!!! Needless to say, I’m feeling a little stressed and pressured about this image game, esp bc my skin has been super wonky (exacerbated by all the recent itchiness and flea bite sensitivities), my hair is a mess (I’m growing out part of the shaved head), and I’ve been avoiding dresses and skirts due to the wet and cold. I mean, it’s fine. I’ll just have to figure out my own style, which will probably be more casual than the industry standard but dressier than my current. Yet another thing to deal with on an already lengthy list. Sheesh.

In other news, I met up yesterday with my airplane friend L who was in town for work. He used to be the GM of a healthcare software startup in SF, but he left there and is now the CEO of a software company in the South Bay. That’s great news for me, bc when he flies in, he and his team stay in MV bc that’s where their developers are. No more coordinating meet ups in the city. Anyway, I met him and his colleague who’s from Puerto Rico. In some ways, I feel like L and I are kindred spirits. We have a lot of random similarities. For example, we both share a love and fascination with emotional/ social intelligence, personality types, and leadership skills. He’s teaching two classes part time at Catholic University, and he was lamenting about how people no longer care about written communication… how the students’ writing is shit bc longform is dead. I mean, isn’t that just what I’ve been complaining about? How people don’t want to email anymore bc it’s too time consuming. Texting and social media are all about the shortest, punchiest lines. 

Sadly, I also learned that he put down his 16-y/o dog a week ago. Like Marty, his Pomeranian had kidney disease and he and the wife were doing the homemade meals and supplements and subcutaneous fluids… He’s also devastated by the loss.

In a lighter vein, L also has the Southwest Companion Pass, which I suppose isn’t that surprising considering we met on a Southwest flight to Phoenix three or four years ago. Isn’t it kinda uncanny all the coincidences? I will say, I was very happy to be the person clueing him in about Southwest’s reliatively new direct route from SJC-BWI. For all his flights out to California (his family lives in MD), he’s been suffering through connecting flights just to fly on Southwest. Now his trips will be so much easier. Anyway, it was a good catchup and I expect we’ll see each other more frequently in the future.

Family Matters

Whenever we’re in Maryland, our families insist that time passes very quickly. Not for me: every trip home seems to drag on forever. This past week has felt like an eternity. I’m glad to be going home tomorrow.

Overall, our annual holiday visit went ok. For me, the most important point was zero heated arguments or outbursts between me and my parents. On the advice of several friends, I decided to just take a break from Operation Downsize. For the last few months, I’d already been feeling like my parents were losing steam about the Taiwan Relocation anyway (plus Trump’s recent call to Taiwan pushed Taiwan/China tensions to the forefront), so why bother putting in effort when they’re just not ready.

The day after our outing to Great Falls and the National Harbor, we stayed in. I guess everyone, including myself, was drained from all the energy and effort it took to brave the cold and to battle the traffic. On Christmas Day, I drove my family to John’s eldest sister’s house. E is always so gracious, volunteering to cook and host like 25 people at her home. And she is the best cook I know– even fancier than my Bubbey. She is super serious about ingredients and recipes and such. To be honest, I think she should be a professional chef. Either way, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to cook for her and her family…

My parents were pretty good sports about showing up for E’s Christmas dinner this year. They’d turned E down the last few years, and finally, her persistence and their propensity for politeness won over. I appreciate that they made the effort: since they retired many years ago, they’ve become increasingly anti-social, so it takes a lot of effort, esp for them to socialize with non-Chinese people. But I dunno, their attendance always stresses me out a bit. I mean, the big family gatherings have always been very awkward and foreign for me (esp the gift giving part and just having SO many people hanging out for SO many hours), so to have my quiet, mild-mannered parents just compounds the awkwardness. I never have to baby them and I just let them fend for themselves, but I do have some anxiety about my mother and her conversational abilities, particularly with her suspected ADHD/dementia issues. The whole thing is just weird. Having my parents at a big holiday gathering is like having monks or Jehovah Witnesses at your celebration, you know? Like my parents just are not CHILL people: they are very strict with their diet and drinking and dessert and whatever… They’ll partake in it all, bc they don’t want to be rude, but their participation is still clearly awkward. Who knows. I’m probably just OCD hypersensitive about it. Maybe no one else noticed… Needless to say, by the time we headed home, my parents were super tired and totally conked out in the car.

This morning, I made plans to meet over breakfast with my BFF’s mom, who decided to drive up last minute to visit her friends in Frederick. Mrs. R and I go way back… her daughter N and I became friends in the 7th grade, so they’re practically the only people in the world who really know my entire history of family dysfunction. Yup, that family drama bullshit runs way back and way deep. SMH.

It was really good to see Mrs. R: I often see a lot of parallels with her style/role with her husband (now deceased) and N and my role with Bubbey and my parents and N. In so many ways, I feel like Mrs. R and I are worriers who sometimes feel overwhelmed being caretakers for people who are continually struggling with depression and health issues. I can see the frustration and exasperation on her face. We feel and think very similarly, and we are always trying to research ways to “fix things” for people we love. In the end though, more than anything, we seem to become helpless partners walking a fine line of trying to be patient and supportive even as the weight of waiting for change/action slowly crushes us.

But her strength always amazes me. At 72, she has suffered so many trials and yet, she continues to find joy through her friendships and through new travels and adventures. She was telling me how she spends a lot of time thinking about how to repair her relationship with her daughter. In the process, she had a recent epiphany where she sees so many mistakes she made as a mother. And she’s owning up to them now– quite a dramatic feat for someone who used to be so full of confidence and conviction with her words and actions (sound familiar?). I saw a noticeable difference in her today: she displayed newfound self-awareness and renewed determination to continue working on her relationships, no matter how dysfunctional or broken.

Anyway, seeing Mrs. R today just made me realize that maybe I should go back to therapy about my family. I feel like I spend so much time trying to “fix” that relationship; In the end, I never feel satisfied with our visits. I keep tweaking things here and there, but maybe I just need to stop overthinking, step back, and get the advice of an expert. Honestly, I feel like I have spent an entire lifetime trying to get this shit right.

And this trip, even though we avoided confrontations, I was def ready to throw in the towel two or three times in the last week. For example, after the casino day trip, I called J and said this is the last year I’m coming home for Christmas. J and I always end up splitting up, each staying with our respective families, so then I’m holed up with my parents most of the trip, and I mean, they aren’t celebratory! There’s really no reason for me to come home during the holidays. I can just see his family other times during the year when traffic/travel/holiday stress don’t culminate into this Perfect Storm. Like I used to explain to my hardcore hiking/backpacking friends, the holidays are just “not how my family recreates.”

It’s a hard scenario to describe, but in the end, I feel like the holidays worsen my parents’ usual funk. Like all the pressures of having to fake joy and festive moods… it’s too much. Already, my parents are kind of boring and wallowing in their misery. I think either having them come out to CA or me visiting when the temps are warmer will just work out better for everyone.

I know, I’m sure some of you are thinking I’m guilty of the same exact things that I accuse my parents of. You’re not wrong. J says that every time we visit with my parents, he really sees how I’m a milder version of all their extremes (No, I don’t take that as a compliment). What exactly is their crime? They can’t seem to relax and have fun. They can’t find joy in anything. And they always obsess over what’s wrong rather than what’s right in their lives. Add to that, the perpetual over-optimization of finances and the paralysis and hermetic lifestyle to avoid dangers of the world, and it’s just really difficult finding areas where we can connect! Seriously, why can’t they just be normal???

Maybe my commentary only highlights my own issues of self-acceptance. After all, I often ask myself, why can’t I just be normal? I dunno. The struggle is real. Thankfully though, my family is my biggest gripe. Otherwise, the other spheres of my life are consistently more good than bad. 🙂

What else. This afternoon, about seven of us went over to my in-laws’ house for another dumpster purge. It was pretty intense: about 5-6 hours wading through a house packed with 50 years of accumulated shit. As I filled bag after bag with dirty, dusty, dingy clothes/artificial flowers/bedding/blankets, I started feeling super stressed by the sheer volume of the job. Meanwhile, the whole time, J and his three other siblings continued to display patience and compassion as their mother insisted on giving her stamp of approval for each clothing item or pair of shoes…

For sure, I would NOT have asked my mother: instead, I would have trashed everything like a goddamn dictator. And if my mother were to get upset, I would only respond with anger and contempt. See? I’m a horrible daughter. It’s shameful that unlike every other person today, I am unable to treat my parents with more respect and kindness. Sigh. I really don’t know what I’m going to do when the rubber hits the road and my parents truly have to clear out their massive house.

Meanwhile, the job at my in-laws’ house is not even near done. We filled a second monster dumpster (the first one was last Christmas), and we made significant progress. But there is still A LOT of stuff left. We are all resting up before considering the next steps.

I’m just glad to be going home tomorrow. So pooped.

Party People


Among my recent schmoozing activities, in one evening (last Friday), I attended TWO gatherings: a company Winter Wonderland party sponsored by our office’s top two agents, AND I went out for drinks with ladies in a meetup group called Ditch the Bitch Stigma. Originally, I was going to skip the work party, bc no one I knew was going and I dunno: it felt a little too cool for me.

But then, my diligent side kicked in, and I convinced myself that this job is a continuation and expansion of forcing myself into uncomfortable social situations. I figured, if anything, it was important to “show up,” and in addition to desensitizing me to future awkward social settings, maybe I would get lucky and befriend some agents who’ll let me cover their open houses later down the road. Yes, I’m trying to be smart and strategic, bc well, that’s how the world operates!

So at 5:30p, I show up at the Aloft hotel, where the party started at 5. Immediately, I knew I’d entered the wrong scene. Holy fuck. There’s a DJ, the room is lit up like a Virgin America airplane, and everyone is super decked out in white cocktail attire, like super fancy lace/shimmery dresses. Shit. Mind you, there was NO INFORMATION about attire on the calendar invite. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Thankfully, I actually wore a skirt that day, but I mean, clearly I was like the only one who did NOT get the memo. Fine, whatever. What can be done: I’m already there. So I talk to some lash extension vendor who has a table set up. He gives me some coupons. Then I mosey my way deeper into the lounge. There aren’t a ton of people, but the bar is def backed up. I stand by the bar, awkwardly next to some dude already seated (and NOT in white) for like 5 minutes and the bartender just continues to ignore, helping every other person around. That’s the other thing about these party scenes: only the beautiful people get attention or service. So now I’m feeling even more insecure… and I’m practically hovering over this seated dude at the bar, all up in his personal space bc I want the bartender to see that I’m wanting service. I dunno. It was probably a desperate move bc it’s not like positioning myself closer to the bar moved me up in priority at all. Anyway, then the seated dude says something to me like what is this party that’s happening? I said, it’s some holiday party thrown by our top agents. He asks me if they throw this party every year, and I say I don’t know. I’m new. He wasn’t sure I was part of that party bc I didn’t match the theme… um yeah, dude. I’m a tard and I didn’t get the memo. Anyway, long story short, I start chatting with this guy who is a local tech startup CEO– he comes to this bar often to wait out the traffic. It was fine conversing with him: we had some things in common, like past experiences working in renewable energy and he spent some time in the Mid-Atlantic… he told me about his new startup. He was pleasant, but goddamn, the music was loud, so there was THAT annoyance while having a conversation. We connected on LinkedIn. And I swear the bartender took FOREVER to get to me. So 30 minutes later, I excuse myself bc shit, I’m supposed to be meeting the big dogs at the work party, right? As I moved to the lounge area, all the tables were “reserved.” I walked past clusters of people, and shit, things suddenly felt very cliquish. Ugh!!!!

Thankfully, my managing broker (the surfer dude) showed up a few minutes later, after I just sat down alone in an empty reserved section and crammed snacks into my piehold. The guy M is a pretty interesting guy, with a fascinating background working for MTV and Paramount and shit. In school, he would def be one of the “cool kids,” but fortunately, for me, since he heads up our office, he’s not allowed to be super cliquish. So we chatted for a bit. Then his boss showed up, and I passed along some nice compliments I’d heard from title agents about M’s superb recruitment efforts. In retrospect, maybe it came across brown-nosy. I wasn’t trying to be. That was just the only thing that came to mind when his boss mentioned Matt’s work growing the office. Overall, I didn’t do as much “strategic” schmoozing as I had hoped (meaning: befriending other agents in the office), but M commented that it was good I came. And I think he’s def noticed that I “show up” a lot, like to office trainings and what not. Afterwards, I headed out to attend my meetup group.

So Ditch the Bitch Stigma meetup was not bad! The premise is a gathering of professional women to talk about sexism in the workplace and beyond. The group of 8-10 was really diverse age-wise but not really diverse race-wise. Mostly white. I befriended the lady next to me S who is a financial planner and a lady sitting across– S who works for a telemedicine service. The conversation went well. I found lots in common with these women: the financial planner is a Cali native who recently traveled to my birth city of Baltimore. She is OBSESSED with Groupon; she has two dogs; and she bought land in Washington state and plans to retire/build a container home up there. The telemedicine lady just put in her notice after working for an asshole female boss (Jesus, how many are out there?); she has a very old dog; and she’s starting a new venture related to wine and tourism! Isn’t it crazy how three random strangers can have so much in common? We talked about all sorts of things, but my main takeaway was that I need to think more positively. I mean, sure, that concept is nothing new: it’s all shit I learned years ago in my mental skills training class. But fuck man, I am a worry wart and sometimes I just let my negativity consume me!! Like the smart ones say, it takes the same amount of energy, so why not just be positive for a change. After our conversation, I took the opportunity to connect on LinkedIn, and I followed up sending them info about my animal shelter donation drive, for which I even created a branded flyer (which took me forever to create)! Hey, this is my attempt at self-promotion. Regardless, I think I will continue going to this meetup in the new year!

On Sunday our neighbor two doors down hosted a gathering of people who live at our end of the street. She’s a realtor (looking to retire soon), so their house, purchased in 2015 for $2M looked incredible… it was practically staged!! The party itself was somewhat stilted but overall a pleasant experience. It got me thinking: modern living is so isolating compared to the old days. I mean, so many people living in the same vicinity and we really only know the host and our neighbors with the girl who walks Martin. The neighbors on our other side… the hubby actually was the seller’s agent for our house, but we NEVER EVER see the couple! Isn’t that sad???

But bc of the get together, I’m feeling inspired, so we’ve invited the MIA couple over for wine and cheese on Wednesday night. They want to see the changes we made to the house (most of which occurred ages ago in 2010!!!). Oh and I also met a Chinese couple at the party. Yup, slowly but surely, I’m expanding my circle. 🙂 And of course now I’m plugging my donation drive to these newly-connected neighbors. Haha. Always hustling, baby!

Schmoozer Central

Holy crap, I have been schmoozing like crazy. To be honest, its a rather disappointing and oftentimes deflating experience. I have lists upon lists, categorizing my contacts into different spheres of influence, and I am reconnecting with my circles slowly but methodically. What exactly does this entail?

The thing is, it’s not my style to just send out generic group eblasts, so I’m writing people individually, one by one. Sure, there are some sentences that are copied, like telling people about my new job/career, but most of the messages are catered to what I recall about the recipient and where we last left off. It is a time-ass consuming process.

Recently, one of my big target groups was ProMatch, the networking group I joined before my job at the university. This was a huge network of job seekers meeting multiple times a week for several months to hone job search skills and to brainstorm about professional development. At the time, I did everything I could to help people in the group, esp with connections to various industries or companies. For example, I put engineers in touch with my fuel cell startup colleagues or my engineering friends;  I put environmental people in touch with my hazwaste and environmental engineering crowd. I offered my help willingly bc I believed in this system, so I took the time to first reach out to my contact, ask for his/her permission to connect, and then connect the two people. In Malcolm Gladwell’s world, I’m most naturally a “maven” (researcher) but I worked hard to be a “connector.” And it was difficult for me, bc as an ESTJ, I don’t like to delegate nor ask for help, you know? But that was the process we were taught, and I followed the business/job experts faithfully.

Indeed, ProMatch was an eye-opening experience. I had so many ignored messages but at the same time, I also met some incredibly kind, generous, and gracious people. So I continued to pay things forward by embracing this idea of sharing and helping: I took calls from strangers wanting to learn more about SCU; I met friends of ProMatchers for coffee; I shared website advice, blah, blah. Now, it’s been about 2-3 years since. I lost touch with some ProMatchers, but others, I stayed loosely in contact. So I sent them all an email, seeing what they are up to (I’m genuinely nosy that way), how their current job is going, wondering if they are interested in a ProMatch meetup in 2017. At least six of them, whom I directly introduced to my network and/or met for coffee, have yet to reply. So now I’m a little irked. I mean, really? I understand that relationships are not even Steven trading all the time, but I did go out on a limb to help these people, and now there’s zero reciprocity. J claims that it’s a busy time of year or whatever. Look people: I know you’re busy, but it’s email. It takes a few minutes (if even) to throw the stone farther down the road: I’m really busy but thanks for reaching out. Happy to touch base later… Am I right???

So of course, this is where I have to “control my reaction” bc I “can’t control how other people will respond,” as J always tells me. I swear, I try not to take such things personally. After all, I’m not on top of everything all the time either, right? But shit, I still get frustrated. I hear little voices from J and from my coach telling me that most people have zero follow-through. They aren’t intentionally trying to thwart me. But fuck man. I’m an ESTJ: it’s nearly impossible not to clump all of those explanations into the excuses pile. Do you see the mental conflict? Welcome to my overthinking world.

After a few moments of feeling sorry for myself, I eventually pick up again, reminding myself that relationships are a numbers game. You click with loads of people in this world, but then only a subset will put in the effort to keep the volley going. If people suck at follow through with friends, the stats are surely worse with mere acquaintances!

All of this dredges up shit from my childhood. I was so scrawny and I was practically the only Asian. I went through rejection and bullying and being a social outcast A LOT. I know the drill. But I think it’s still human nature to seek acceptance by others. Even as an adult who exercises much more control over thoughts/actions than a child, there is still some innate desire to be popular and well-liked. At 40, I give less fucks about what other people think, etc… but less fucks is still not zero fucks, you know?

Ah well, the bottom line? I won’t be stopped. People can ignore me and disappoint me. What I’ve given, I’ve already committed. When I’m feeling more optimistic, I may try again in spite of the zippo response. Regardless though, this won’t stop me from exchanging and reaching out to others. Bubs calls me a tugboat for a reason.

The Little Engine that Could

I’m feeling so much better these days. Marty started to come around again late Monday. John and I had been crying on and off since the weekend, and then Monday afternoon we decided to give Marty more subcutaneous fluids since we already had half a bag left. The earlier treatment over the weekend didn’t seem to work its usual magic so we didn’t have any expectations. By Monday evening though, he started making a comeback.

We had been noticing a lot of weird noises when he was eating: big time smacking and then he was somehow flattening and not ingesting the chunks of chicken. Wtf? So John suggested that we purée the food, bc Marty appeared hungry but something was weird with his mouth or teeth. I checked his teeth and everything appeared ok but we tried the pureeing anyway. Whadyaknow? Home boy was famished and slurped it all down. We were still a bit cautious though, so we fed small meals every few hours and monitored to make sure he kept it all down. Now it’s Thursday and he is hobbling back to the park three times a day. Back legs slip out more than before but he is looking good.

I know, I hate to be the kid who cried wolf, but in the end fuck it. We are so happy to have him with us for whatever extra time he can give us. I’m grateful.

In other news, I met with my coach this week. He actually says my DISC results aren’t totally accurate bc my D is not has high as the 99/100 I scored. He is coaching another D and he says if you’re truly a super high D, you tend to bulldoze without thinking things through. My C (careful and analytical) scored low but he says no one with a low C calls references! Haha, I had forgotten about that! Before selecting him and the office, I called his references and current students. Anyway, all this goes to reaffirm what Bubbey has always said, modified from that line from Dirty Dancing: You can’t put baby in a box.

My meeting with the coach went well though, bc it made me see that I’m still holding myself back with my tendencies for over-preparation and analysis paralysis. He stressed that there is only so much I can learn from the videos and books. I gotta get a client and I will learn on the job. Fair enough. I needed that kick in the ass.

So, in response, I’ve attended two association meetings this week and toured a bunch of open houses. I reached out to the loan officer who did our first loan on our houseboat and I’m meeting him for lunch next week. I’m aiming to do a donut drop tomorrow, randomly dropping in on a loan officer at a bank to see if there are opportunities to get on their realtor referral list. And I’m organizing a pet donation drive in my neighborhood for the local shelter, the one that reunited us with Marty after he escaped last winter. It’s a way to serve a need, show gratitude for a service I love, and meet more people in the hood. Three birds one stone, baby. With Marty doing better, I’m feeling reinvigorated.

New People

These final days of November, I am pulling out all the stops. I have been reaching out to all kinds of people from my past to re-establish connections. It’s kinda funny, bc I’m perpetually curious about what other people are up to and now I kind of have a reason to re-engage. 

I’ve also been attending more trainings for work… I’ve taken four more sessions and it’s only Wednesday. I’m learning tons though: the software and databases are so freaking powerful and despite the tendency for overwhelm, it’s kind of empowering to have access to so much information. Technology, man. That is some powerful shit. SMH. Btw I’ve befriended one of the corporate trainers… he’s really good and well, I’m pretty stoked about learning from people who know their shit.

On Tuesday night, I got my ass back to the board gamers meetup. Honestly, I just wanted to give it another try and Bubbey was supposed to go with. I thought it would be a fun joint activity. Well earlier in the day the cable guy came out… as you know, our service has been wonky lately. John, being the hermit that he is, insisted that the problem went away and we ought to cancel the service appointment, but hello, when I provided the error code to the phone rep, he said a tech needed to come out. So I refused to cancel the apppointment. Well, turns out our cable running outside over the roof was an indoor cable that ended up cracking from exposure to the elements, and water leaked into the line. Mind you, when we signed on for cable six year ago, the rep used the wrong cable… so whatever. Yesterday the guy replaced the line and now we’re good to go. It’s pretty annoying though that I have to fight John on stupid things like that. I mean, I hardly even watch tv and I wouldn’t even order cable tv if I lived solo, yet whenever something acts up or the service blips out, I’m the one calling tech support and dealing with troubleshooting. And then bc Comcast was so busy, they couldn’t even come out the next day… and still John wanted me to cancel the appointment bc he didn’t feel like dealing with a person? So stupid. Don’t complain then the next time service cuts out.

Anyway, so bc of that and whatever else he did on Tuesday, Bubs backed out of the game meetup, and I went solo. Whatever. I recognized the same three people I played with last week and joined one of them who was playing with a new  group. Some Japanese card game, which was even more confusing than the Pharoah game. After the Japanese card game, I asked my former group if they wanted to play the pharaoh game again, bc I wanted to repeat and have the rules sink in. Up until then, the Asperger fro guy was alone learning a new board game. I went over and asked if he wanted to play the pharaoh game again and he jumped at the chance. So he was kind enough to set up the board, which actually takes some time. This was my third time playing ever, so me and the old dude kept messing up, meaning we either forgot what the symbol meant or we did something that we weren’t allowed to do… Fro dude started getting frustrated and at one point he began rocking in his seat. The rest of us were just trying to learn from one another and have fun with it… needless to say, after the game ended, me and the old dude (the third guy figured out the game last time already!) got chastised. Seriously. “Next time, I’m NOT going to answer question and explain things to you anymore. I had to repeat myself over and over again, and it’s extremely frustrating playing a game with people who keep making so many mistakes. You will have to read the rules yourself if you want to play again next time.” Ouch.

I mean, fair enough. I didn’t read the rules, bc I’m slow with learning games by reading, and I’m also too lazy to read. But shit, why are you taking this so seriously? The old dude and I responded by thanking him again for all his patience and for showing us the ropes, and honestly, I though it was kind of humorous at the time. But after I got home, I was kind of annoyed. I mean, heck, I could have just let him sit there by himself without even playing with any people. Or I could say it’s frustrating to play with someone who starts rocking, while others are still learning… whatever. Afterwards, walking out to my car, I spoke for a few minutes to the quick learner guy. He suggested that maybe next time we can play my word games like Taboo. We don’t have to play the strategy games. He seemed really nice… a software engineer who moved here from Turkey last year. The thing is, I kinda like this idea of meeting regularly for a hobby. It kinda appeals to the routine/scheduling side of me. I will go back next week and take my games.

Doubts and Deals

Gosh, I can’t believe Thanksgiving has already come and gone. And I know, I’ve been slacking big time on blogging. What can I say: every damn day is packed and the hours just slip away! So for Turkey Day, we were invited to S’s place. She was hosting Friendsgiving. Since she’s pescatarian, J and I did a little pre-emptive turkey. I told J to just forget about it this year, but he knows how much I love my turkey (and cooking it in the NuWave), so he went out and got a 16-pounder. All I did was stuff it with veggies and sprinkle on top with olive oil, salt, pepper, and paprika. Time >> 1:40 >> Start. Flip. Repeat. And OMFG, that bird came out to perfection. I’m telling you! Then, I watched YouTube and carved that sucker up. Easy, breezy, and fucking delicious.

As things turned out, S’s neighbors made prime rib AND turkey, so we were pretty set the very next day. I’ve fallen off the damn gym wagon (again) and my waistline is quickly expanding. Fuck man, too many issues on too many fronts. But those are all troubles for another day, right? On Thanksgiving, we feasted. S also bought a Trump pinata… Unfortunately, we had to get home to Marty and didn’t stay for the Trump beatdown. Meanwhile, S was taking work calls like every 30 minutes, working in retail and with Black Friday being one of the biggest shopping times of the year. That lady: so dedicated. I was surprised to learn that she’s starting to ease up on the vegetarianism… mostly bc her doctor says she’s not getting enough nutrition. She even had a slice of turkey. I’m all for the animal cruelty angle, after all, I was veggie myself for six years but man, when you start getting health/sickness issues and esp given how much she has to travel for work, something’s gotta give. You can always source local/organic and reduce the portion… Overall, it was a lovely Thanksgiving gathering. As usual though, I was freezing my ass off bc well, SF. SF is a city where, even indoors, people bundle up in coats. I always forget.

Marty has been slowly getting better, although the last few nights, either I took the diaper off too soon or it came off… and he shit in the house. Sometimes too after he awakes from a nap, he’ll shit getting up to stretch his legs. I know, he doesn’t have the muscle/organ control he used to. Still, I swear I am THE worst person for special needs. I get so damn frustrated and impatient. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

In other news, I’ve still been going full throttle with work. I just want all my software and systems all set up, you know? And then I’ve been reading things and I swear, every damn night, I get this bout of anxiety. J says it always strikes at the 10 o’clock hour, where I’m suddenly overcome with doubt. Can I do this? How am I going to make the ask? How am I going to get business? When I read the scripts, they feel so. damn. forward. Like pushy. I know I have to make the ask, but… and so the cycle kicks off again. Will I ever achieve professional success? Will I ever be good at anything? Blah, blah, blah.

Thankfully, J helped clarify some things for me. Initially, I was a bit confused, bc my coach was really pushing the ask. But the office CEO/managing broker was telling me to network and plant seeds and NOT be obnoxious. I was having trouble reconciling the two, and then J explained it like this: with vendors and service providers (say, lenders or insurance agents), be aggressive and make the ask. With people you know, your inner circle, your personal network, you can be more subtle, like tell people you’re in real estate and WHAT THAT MEANS (like you can help with buying, selling, RENTING, even handle out-of-your-area referrals), but you don’t have to be so forward. Ah, ok. That makes more sense. I felt better.

So I’ve started going through my network, you know, cutting out people who probably don’t remember me and then categorizing the remaining people based on how we are connected. And then I’ve started crafting messages today based on that relationship: it takes time bc I’m not really using the scripts provided by my coach… Slowly and surely, I have to believe the work will come.

Meanwhile, I’m building my self awareness, reading about business strategies, doing technical trainings, and then filling my calendar with all sorts of networking opps. Tomorrow is the Board Game Night… same one as last week but J is joining. Frankly, I want to play the new game I learned again and then I want to try the networking angle.. this group is kinda like a test bed for me. No harm done if it doesn’t work out, but it’s good practice AND I also realized that a lot of these gamers are software people so actually, that’s within my realm of potential clients.

I was thinking the other night about “finding my tribe,” as the broker described it. Obviously, just like in the wider world, not everyone is going to jive with my personality or my style. I need to just go through lots of people, quickly cess out whether or not there’s potential (kinda like dating, I imagine), and then just focus on the shortlist. So I started analyzing my group of friends. Are there patterns or similarities among them? At first, I was thinking they are unconventional– like they do things their own way. But that was actually way off. A lot of my friends don’t really have the defiance issues I have with workplaces, leaders, and with society… So I was thinking and thinking and discussing with Bubs, and of course, world class EQ dude came up with the pattern: I get along well with people who like to research things. And it’s so true!!! I went through a lot of my friends and indeed, they like to research shit, be it recipes, restaurants, travel places, ballot propositions, tax/investment laws or secrets, products, politics, deals, historical events and legal cases, etc. So maybe that sheds light on the type of clients I might mesh well with? I dunno, really. Anyway, it’s one data point I suppose. And kinda interesting to me.

I’ve also been actively trying to hone my negotiation skills. Obviously, people want a realtor who can advocate for them in every possible way. In recent weeks, our Comcast cable and internet service has been extremely unreliable and shoddy. All over my neighborhood list, people were griping about it. People said they called and got $10-20 discounts. Last night, our cable went out again so I decided to call AGAIN. The matter still isn’t fixed— the tech is coming on site tomorrow BUT I did manage to get a $40 discount plus free Showtime for three months. Originally, the dude offered me $10 plus Showtime. Um, this is the second time I’m calling about shit service. The first time, the account billing person never even called me back. If my monthly bill is $140 and I’ve had at last a week of wonky service, $10 hardly covers the disruption. Homeboy tried to say the outage was only two days. I was like, is your company keeping records on its performance and tracking when service is actually out? Bc all over my neighborhood list, people say the outage is MORE than just a few days– like on the order of a week. That’s the thing I’ve learned. You gotta push back, bc people will try to get away with as much as they can.

Meanwhile, on the eBay front, I’ve been scoring some deals. Hee, hee. The secret is to filter for items where sellers have multiple quantity AND they post a list price OBO. I find that if I buy more than one and they have multiple in stock, sellers are generally more interested in clearing inventory than in getting optimal price per item.

Ok well, enough with my ramblings today. Obviously, my brain is filled with shit that’s all over the place. I’m going to try and hit the gym now. If anything, I gotta warm up in the sauna and take a shower. 😉 Ha!

Boring

Ok, so clearly I’ve fallen off the NaBloPoMo wagon… too much going on. I’m still pleased with my frequency of posting for though considering…

Martin is doing better after the second lug of subcutaneous fluids. He is eating again, but dang, that mental cognition is definitely starting to go. He’s constantly bumping into things and getting all tangled under the chairs, and then it seems like he doesn’t even know to go potty anymore! Like I have to force him outside and THEN in the process of walking in the yard, only then does he remember he has to piss or poop. Sigh. It’s frustrating and tiring dealing with his old doggie special needs, but shit, what else can be done?

I met with a sitter tonight. She was the only one of 12 sitters asked who agreed to a meet and greet. Technically, there was one other sitter who sounded totally on board via phone but then after I told her I was meeting with one other person, she like totally gave up. Was it a fear of rejection on her part that she’d rather take herself out of the running? I mean, what can I say, I need a super deep bench for this shit. Anyway, the lady from today works 20 minutes away with the hours 6:30-4, so she wouldn’t be home with him much except at night. But at this point, we’re out of options. And frankly, the last sitter was out nearly the entire day also, and he did great! I just hope the sitter confirms the booking tomorrow. The trip is still a month away, but I’ll feel better knowing someone has agreed to care for Martin.

Saturday’s magic show in Martinez was so much fun. It was a long drive 70 min each way but so totally worth it. The small venue. the California Magic Club, was super cozy and charming… just a complete labor of love for the owner and his posse of magicians. As we were served dinner, strolling magicians performed at the various guest tables. Then by dessert time, the stage show began. I realized that a lot of magic involves storytelling during the sleight of hand… and sometimes I don’t like the distraction, bc I want to keep my eyes focused on the tricks!! But I suppose it’s all part of the entertainment. There’s def some element of cheese to it, but at the end of the day, I just love the good, wholesome fun. Seriously, I’m so thrilled to have found this gem and for sure, my bucket list contains all of the other magic parlors across the country (there’s only a handful). That Southwest Companion Pass is gonna get used to death!

Related: I had the disappointing realization that magic is a craft that takes thousands of hours to master. One dude said his premier trick took him two years to master. And every single one of the five magicians was old, like over 50. In other words, there’s no chance that magic is gonna be my next hobby. I def don’t have the patience nor dedication. I’ll just have to continue as a spectator.

So speaking of hobbies, I met with the managing broker today– the  California native/surfer dude. I like him, but he was trying to talk to me about all the networks to tap… like what are your hobbies and activities?? Ummmmm. Yeah, I came across so boring and lame.

Uh, I do dog sitting on Rover. My hubby and I like to travel. We like to go to wineries. We like national parks. I used to work in nonprofit tech so I used to attend a lot of events in that arena. But man, judging by his stoical countenance as I rattled off these things, I could tell he wasn’t impressed. His advice to me though was to get involved in things that I would normally want to do and through that process, build my network. Ideally, these activities will involve a lot of people and people with steady income. Like my nonprofit crowd? That’s gonna be hard. And the dog clients… well not enough numbers. So I gotta think big, huge events… I see what he’s saying. But man did I feel like an anti-soc afterwards. My best idea at our meeting was to partner with a lender to hold a home buying/real estate education class for business and professional women at orgs and places where I used to take all my career and self discovery classes, i.e. Deborah’s Palm. Honestly, I felt deflated afterwards.

But later that night, John suggested that I have made good connections though classes in the past (like my friends W and I), so maybe now would be a good time to take up my Spanish or riding classes again. I think he’s onto something. The point is, I have to be planting seeds all the time… and since they’ll be at activities that I’m interested in anyway, it’s like a two birds, one stone deal. For a moment, I felt nostalgic for an older version of me: the one who used to have an activity booked every single night of the week. I used to do yoga and rollerblade and host game/craft nights, and ride horses and attend all kinds of classes– academic, language, community, etc. I was happy back then… and then circumstances shifted and things changed. I changed.

Admittedly, sometimes I get into such a zone about focusing on my work/career that I drop all my hobbies… and now that I see what has happened, I need to re-tap into that older version of me who is curious and fearless once again….

Tonight I emailed a ranch where three years ago I had thought about taking new classes. I do want to get back into the (literal) saddle. Meanwhile, I’m learning a lot about my new career by watching tech webinars and attending trainings. There are a ton of software programs to learn… Also today, I joined the national, state, and regional real estate associations and obtained my lockbox key so I can start scoping out properties. I will be ramping up for a long long while, but the lesson of the day is that I still need to balance learning the formal knowledge and tools with building my pipeline and with feeding my curiosity and nurturing my soul. With John and I both being at home, the hermetic way of life had really started to become the norm. Now, it’s time to get out and about again.

Hence, I joined a couple of meetup groups. I did meetup.com several times before in the past, like when we first moved to California and when I left my govvie job. Sadly, many of the groups were duds, but I’m willing to try it again. I signed up for a board games group and a couple of women professional groups. The board game group is actually meeting tomorrow night in downtown Mountain View. We’ll see how that goes. I’ve also rejoined the Palo Alto Lean in Circle whose meetings I used to attend regularly two years ago. Get busy living or get busy dying, right?

Mood Swings

My mood has been all over the damn place lately. This week, I was feeling super energized work-wise. Every time I’ve gone into the office (just 10 minutes away!), I’ve met some really nice and friendly people. The vibe is so welcoming and cohesive! Also, the staff are on it! Like as soon as I submitted my formal paperwork, I was set up with the email account, website, intranet access, etc. Same day service! On Friday, the office also hosted a holiday party, and it was a lovely spread. I asked about taking something, and the organizers were all like: oh no, we’re ordering food so don’t worry about it. Mind you, this whole last month or two, bc I couldn’t formally submit my docs, I haven’t even had to pay any business fee or anything to attend all the trainings. They don’t care. They seem to really understand the concept of building goodwill. Anyway, I feel really good about my decision to join this office.

Of course, just as all of the work stuff is ramping up, Marty is not doing well. He is uncomfortable/restless at night. We administered 400 ml of fluids two days ago, and yesterday, he started eating again but his legs are increasingly weak. He’s been trembling a lot more, and then this morning, he was too weak to do much beyond going into the backyard. I just gave him another 350 ml this morning. If he’s not better by tomorrow, I’m going to take him to the vet. The decline is inevitable and yet my mind is still in some kind of denial… Thank goodness we aren’t traveling for Thanksgiving.

In other news, John and I are on weird sleep schedules again. I try to sleep in (wake up between 8-9AM) while he’s up early, but by mid-day, he’s all crashed out. He’s been reading a book lately about dictatorships and the principles of power and then watching new tv series like Narco and Black Mirror. All really thought-provoking, disturbing content about the crazy world we now live in and the hurdles that will come in the future. I’m still very sad and disillusioned with the elections to the point that I don’t feel emboldened or empowered at all. I signed a few petitions, but I’m still so disheartened. All the news about the potential cabinet members… it’s all fucked up. And I have lost faith. Even if we were to speak out and march and protest and write letters… ultimately, he and his cronies just DON’T CARE about the opposing point of view. You know what I mean? They think what they think and they are absolutely unapologetic, so how then do the pressures of protest change their minds or actions? I honestly do not see a way out of this fucking mess.

My friend J invited me to join her and the hubs for the Women’s March in DC the day after inauguration. Right now, that kind of action seems utterly pointless. And then Bubs keeps wanting to talk about all this stuff he’s reading: I cannot deal with the world right now!

And so, I can only proceed by focusing on my new business and on Martin. Otherwise, this shit is too damn overwhelming and paralyzing.

Tonight, we’ve got tickets to a magic show and dinner at the California Magic Theater in Martinez. The theater is like 70 minutes away, but I’m looking forward to the distraction. The world sure could use some more magic these days.

Evacuate

I was back at the office today attending a training on the escrow process. Once again, the instructors confirmed my parents’ past suspicions and fears, this time about wire transfer fraud. My parents still insist on using cashiers’ checks for big transactions and sure enough, my parents are right again! Crooks are getting insanely good at following homebuying/selling email threads: at the very last minute on the day of closing, they’ll try to sneak in changes to the wire transfer instructions. Some thieves have even dropped by the escrow office handing the secretary written change instructions for their escrow officer. Super tricky!! Apparently, some people have lost $6ook from a botched wire and that money is gone forever. Even the FBI is unable to get it back. So crazy!

Overall, the training was good. I sat next to a Vietnamese lady… she says her family is in the restaurant business in San Jose and she is doing real estate part time. She just got her license. She seemed very friendly and pleasant. I was also talking to another newbie who told me to check the BRE website, bc they post license certificates and numbers online under your account before they even mail that shit out. Holy fuck, it was there! So I now have my number and issue date and I am ready to proceed with all my marketing materials, i.e. business cards and website. Woot, woot!

Back on the home front, it was a chaotic day. The plumbers returned to run the pressure test and we failed again, which means there is a leak somewhere in our system. So he rechecked all the exposed and accessible joints and no luck. I was then kinda pissed thinking that they should have made sure all was clear before installing the tankless bc now we can’t pass inspection. Long story short, the head foreman came by in the afternoon to meye with us. All of us are perplexed by the gas lines in the house. The original system was laid in the concrete slab, then at some point that system was abandoned and the gas lines were moved above ground, seemingly up towards the roof and yet there are no visible gas lines on the roof. I then proceeded to ask my neighborhood list if they knew the layout for this model of home. On hearing the word leak, people replied urging us to evacuate and call PGE immediately. Thankfully, the plumbers had explained that the leak was minor enough to be safe, and according to Bubs, they did warn us to NOT call PGE bc if the utility found any leak, the gas would be shut off indefinitely.

In the time that John hopped on the phone with his sister for thirty minutes, I fielded the neighborhood responses and called PGE thinking maybe they would have some special tools to help locate the leak. Yes, I should have remembered from last time that once you mention leak to PGE, they are at your door pronto to investigate. So of course, we had plans just the two of us in the city that immediately got canceled. When I told John that PGE was coming, he was furious bc he was convinced we would get our gas turned off. He basically reacted to me like I was retarded, and I got very upset. As it turns out though, PGE has different (lower) standards for testing and we passed no problem. On one hand I was relieved to keep the gas on. On the other hand, I also felt some reassurance that the house was indeed safe by two sources.

I also learned from my neighbors that there is a specialty leak detection service where they can identify the leak without cracking open all the drywall… I have placed a call to learn more. But after sitting down this evening to re-evaluate  everything, John and I have decided that we will proceed with the bathroom expansion, which will involve moving the gas lines inside the hallway washer/dryer area and THEN we’ll tackle the leak issue should the remodel not resolve it. Other items on the work order include running a gas line to the fireplace. The other option is for us to get the chimney swept and we can just burn duraflames. I dunno. Ugh.

Of course this evening, Marty’s appetite soured and he puked like three times today. I ate some popcorn shrimp the other day and left the tails on the coffee table. At night he got into them and I suspect that triggered some kidney issues. I just gave him 400ml of subcutaneous fluids. Hopefully he’ll feel better tomorrow. Sigh. Tessa is coming over again for daycare. I had mentioned before about ending with her on a good note and her last visit went surprisingly well without any incidents with Martin. Tomorrow she’ll be over just for the day. Hopefully, all will go well.