Category Archives: Getting Shit Done

Big Decisions

As many of you know, I’ve been a dog sitter on Rover for the last year and a half. My business has grown pretty well, with a lot of repeat customers. The thing is though, for as much as I love doggies, caring for them doesn’t always equate to a connection or a bond. In other words, I’ve probably had about 20 different clients, but only a few have really jived with us. For most of them, they come and stay for a few days, then they go home and that is that. The engagement is somewhat transactional. And certainly, at different stages of their lives, doggies can be more aloof like Remy and Martin were in their elder years. They aren’t as interactive.

After Christmas, I hosted Buster the beagle and Cody the corgi for about six days. They are repeat clients, but omg, I fell really hard for Buster. After he left, I just sobbed and sobbed. Like uncontrollable wailing. It hurt so badly. And I think this reaction of mine, along with new feelings that have cropped up in the past month really pointed to the idea that we are ready to have a doggie warm our home again.

When I’d come home and Buster and Cody would be so excited and eager to greet me, it made me so happy. When I chased them around the yard, tugging on their toys, it brought so much joy. John made a comment the other day that with all the rejection I face from my new career, more than ever, it’s important for me to feel valued and loved and useful.

So after the new year, I ramped up on the puppy porn. I will say, pet adoption sure has changed since back in the day. Can you believe I got Remy in 1998 through a classified ad in the newspaper? And Martin we got through an adoption event in 2003 at the local PetSmart. His adoption involved filling out a form and writing a check. Then, off he went with us. Flash forward 15 years and before you can even meet the dog, you have to complete a multi-page application, including your history, how you would handle certain training challenges, a home visit (or at least pictures of your home), a phone interview, references, PLUS the meet/greet. I mean, as someone who values thoroughness, I understand. But gosh, it’s just so much more involved than before.

So this past week, I submitted four different applications. Well, Nala, the St. Bernard mix got adopted the day after I applied. Then there was a labbie mix Loki. I never heard back from the org (ALL of them are completely volunteer-run so process isn’t as efficient as it could be), but we went to the adoption fair on Saturday. We met him, but he was a little aggressive/uneasy and looked a lot like Martin. Maybe too alike.

Then I contacted the beagle rescue (Yes, Buster was THAT compelling). Met an old girl Misty, who was very independent. But in the end, we felt she was maybe too old and too near the caretaking period, which John is not quite ready to enter again so soon. I scheduled to see another beagle Max for Sunday evening. Then almost on a whim, I did a search for German Shepherd Dog (GSD) rescues. It’s kinda weird how sometimes life has these common threds… When I was a kid, I always loved German Shepherds. I had breed-specific books on them and I just loved that they were intelligent and loyal working dogs. I’d read that they needed a lot of mental stimulation and consistent training and yet, as a child, none of that fazed me.

When I got Remy, I specifically answered her ad bc she was a shep mix. When I got her though, she was clearly mixed with something little. It was fine, she was still beautiful and I loved her so much. But she wasn’t really a GSD in the traditional sense. And what I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older is that I’m more worrisome and less confident. For example, I as a kid was more confident about taking on a GSD than I am as an adult. I’ve continued to love GSD through the years but my brain somehow convinced myself that they were no longer a realistic choice– they are prone to diseases, anxiety; they are too smart; they require too much energy… all the things that drew me as challenges in my younger years now dissuaded me. Then we saw Bentley, a beautiful white GSD with the sweetest face. And based on his description, he is so unlike the typical breed. No aggression. No anxiety. Very gentle. Gets along with other dogs. And then I read that white shepherds are the recessive trait and their temperament is softer, so they are never used as police dogs. Long story short, we went to meet Bentley yesterday. And I communicated back and forth with his owner. His story is that his owner got him as a puppy but then her job changed and she moved out of state. Her new apartment doesn’t take dogs, so she had him with her mom and grandmother. But her grandmother is getting more frail and is prone to tripping, so now he’s been relegated to the yard. After a year, they realized he needed a new home.

I don’t judge his owners for what has happened. Of course, as dog lovers, we never want to see an animal given up, but hell, this is life. Shit happens. Circumstances change and ultimately, this is their sacrifice– to give up a dog they love so he can have a better life. For some reason, it makes me think of all the difficult decisions we have to make. Like with our aging family losing their strength, cognition, independence… these transitions are awful, sad, and hard. But tough choices have to be made. And there is strength, courage, maturity, and compassion in those choices. Since my trip back East for Christmas, I have been feeling so sad and burdened thinking about aging, frailty, and mortality. Some days, I feel immobilized by the weight of the anticipation of it all. But witnessing the fortitude of my childhood friend T and the resolve of J and his siblings in making difficult decisions for their mother, I see that you still have to move forward. Paralysis doesn’t help anyone.

We adopted Remy and Martin with but a few minutes of consideration. By comparison, this decision to adopt again took much more time and analysis etc. Perhaps we are more cautious now. Perhaps we are more averse to inconvenience or hassle. Perhaps we have become overly concerned with optimization… Ahem, do any of these things sound familiar? We are trying to catch ourselves from morphing into our parents…

Yesterday, I liked Bentley but it’s always hard to form a bond on a first meeting. And honestly, I gave myself a tummy ache worrying about this and that: is he the one? right now or later? what if this or that? Incidentally, I caught a cold yesterday too. I got no sleep the night prior, bc I was worrying about so many things.

But I have decided to channel my younger self. And John points out that this GSD is a common thred: I have always loved the breed and this is my chance to adopt one with “softer” qualities. We have the time, resources, and experience. And we love dogs. They bring us joy. The time is now.

So today, I woke up sicker than yesterday but feeling a new mental clarity. We have been in talks with the owner who now lives in Vegas. We need to work out some logistics regarding his neuter surgery but other than that, it’s just a matter of picking him up and bringing Bentley home.

Oh, Brother!

Earlier this week, my brother emailed my dad a very accusatory message, something along the lines of: I told you a million times not to have the grandparents get the flu vaccine. Now grandma got the shot and has a weird cough/respiratory issue that she didn’t have previously. “She behaves in a semi autistic manner with this breathing. It reminds me of autistic kids who keep mumbling to themselves.”

OMFG, this email immediately plunged me into a fit of rage. First of all, for someone who has been totally selfish and self-absorbed for the last 40+ years, who the fuck are you to come in (now that other people have gotten my grandparents to their ripe old ages of 93 and 94 y/o) and comment on how to care for others. Second, shut the hell up with your unsubstantiated, anti-vaxxer autism bulllshit. Third, leave us the fuck alone.

I was so pissed, I couldn’t sleep. So here’s the dilemma. For all intents and purposes, my parents and I do NOT discuss my brother. ever. In the past, I always reacted harshly and critically, so now we just don’t touch that topic. The thing is, even if what I say about him is the honest-fucking truth, they probably don’t want to hear me berating my idiot brother. Maybe it puts them in some weird position of having to pick sides among the kids. I don’t have kids, so I don’t really know. The point is, Dad knows I see the emails and I sometimes read them. He knows I’m irritated as fuck by what I interpret to be uneducated, stupid bullshit. When I brought up these video links and such to Dad a few weeks ago, he was super diplomatic about it— asking if I had read/watched the links. I said I had skimmed a few and then I started to rip into it, basically saying that in all cases, there are exceptions: Sure, there are stories where people got screwed by western med. There are stories where people “cured” themselves of cancer or whatever using eastern meds. Dad agreed with me and said he tried to explain that to Johnny. That was the extent of his commentary. I dunno if Dad was just trying to stay neutral, but he said nothing about deleting or blocking the emails. In other words, he will keep the avenue open to possibly read/watch these links when he feels like it.

From my perspective, I tried to stay open minded initially, but this daily bombardment is too much, and frankly, I don’t trust my brother’s judgement. Also, I am offended by his insistence that western meds are a scam when hello, our father is a retired western meds doctor. That just drives me fucking insane… the disrespect and notion that his WebMD, self-taught bullshit comes anywhere close to someone who went to med school, took board exams (sometimes even before they needed renewal– just to prove his knowledge was sharp and current), and served an entire community with medical expertise for nearly four decades. Seriously, FUCK YOU, asshole for adulterating something noble and good with your conspiracy theories. Ugh, it just makes my blood boil!!

Needless to say, I stayed up drafting an email. I just couldn’t stay silent any longer. Maybe this all bugs me more than it bugs my parents but STILL. Maybe they will listen through one ear and out the other. I just worry that repetition and repeated exposure to these crap claims may eventually sink in and take hold, esp as they get older and start to cognitively decline. So here’s what I drafted:

Dad has me screen his emails, bc he does not check his messages regularly. Please refrain from providing any medical related advice or guidance for our family. You, who are the cause of so much heartbreak, chaos, and pain in our family, have no right to be dictating how we should be living our lives and caring for the people we love.

The whole reason our grandparents have reached their old age is bc of mom and dad’s care and consistent access to western medicine. If you want someone to blame for whatever emotional distress and physical illnesses are in our family, please look at yourself and your lengthy history of bullshit scams.

I’m tired of you trying to thwart and obstruct care for our family. Mom is going to Hopkins on Monday, and I don’t want to hear anything about your deer placenta bogus product. I don’t trust anything that you say or do.

You go thru life falling into all these traps, like a fucking wannabe groupie… taking strangers’ fabricated stories for the truth. You think you’re so discerning and intelligent, yet people just have to turn on the charm and suddenly everything they say is the fucking gospel. Fuck off!

Why don’t you redirect your energies into doing some legit research about MLMs and cults and the irreversible damage that dependent, problematic kids have on their family’s well-being.

Back the fuck up and focus on being a responsible adult rather than a conspiracy theorist man-child. I will do all that is necessary to protect my family from your toxic shams.

Yes, that was the edited and toned down version. So of course, when I consult with Bubs, he advises not to say anything. He thinks my message is ridiculously confrontational and scathing. Yes, sure, whatever. Radical honesty, baby. I don’t really understand his rationale to say nothing though. I think he says taking action will put my parents in a weird position, bc then J will know I’m reading his emails to them, or maybe it’ll come across like my parents are badmouthing him to me…. I really don’t know. But then again, so what? I mean, someone has to call this shit out, bc for how long is this going to continue? This bullying and lack of respect for other people’s decision-making. I know that he used to harass my relatives too. They just listened and ignored him. But why is anyone listening at all? Sure, you can just ignore it, but why should we have to? He should stop spewing this crap that nobody wants to hear.

Ugh. I dunno if this is some cultural meekness or what. It reminds me of when my dad used to always say to me that his comments to me were just “his opinion.” I can just listen and hear it and then make my own decision. I would get so pissed at him though: why do I need to hear your shit over and over again? If you don’t think I’ll accept your comments or advice, then just don’t give it to me! I’m sure there’s some cultural mismatch or whatever with that. You know, another example of how impatient and intolerant I am of views different from my own. The bottom line though, is this. Live your life how you want. If you want to follow a cult leader like a dumbass, go ahead. Just don’t try to get ME to follow your path esp after I’ve heard your spiel and decided for myself. And honestly, I don’t want you mucking around with decisions that are critical to my grandparents and parents’ lives. It’s not your place to comment. Am I being too controlling?

John says he doesn’t see how this message is supposed to change the situation. I was actually going to insert a ton of links to articles about cults and MLMs and psychological impact and whatever. Maybe with the very small hope that it will appeal to his scholarly sense and in the best case, get him out of the cult. The second intention is just to set the boundaries: let him know that I know what he’s doing and it’s NOT ok. And he’s not going to just get away with spewing his propaganda unchecked.

I head home next week and frankly, I don’t even know how to have a conversation about this with my parents. I just get so angry and protective and then well, my words turn highly acerbic. I mean, I stand by how I judge him. I stand by all of my feelings about this but I dunno: will it just make my parents feel more torn knowing their kids are in such conflict? Fuck. I hate family drama. What’s the right way to handle this? The world-class EQ advice is to ignore it and not ruffle the feathers. Everyone knows Johnny is off his rocker. They don’t listen to him, so let other people censor his crap.

John says my parents will never shut Johnny out of their lives. It will NEVER happen. I get that and that’s fine– continue to have contact with him! I just don’t want his ONLY contact to be all his deer placenta, anti-vaxxer propaganda. And like I have claimed and done in the past with other situations, “sometimes bridges are meant to be burned so the bad guys don’t keep chasing us.” Get back in your space, bro, bc you are majorly overstepping.

Side note: Two days after his accusatory email, my brother sends another message apologizing to my dad, saying that my aunt confirmed grandma has had the cough all along— it didn’t occur right after the flu shot. The apology email does represent some glimmer of hope: 1) he can admit when he’s wrong 2) maybe he does still gather additional info… should I still send him the articles on the brainwashing tactics of cults and MLMs???

A Year in the Biz

So I’ve been intending all along to finish the year out strong by keeping up the pressure with building my biz. What that translates to, is that while many other agents have given up on hosting open houses during the winter, I’ve still been hustling for them every weekend that I’m around. Granted, I DID cut back to one day instead of two to accommodate holiday parties and such, but still.

Sadly, at the end of all this effort, the results in December have been extremely disappointing. In other words, shit traffic. For example, in areas where it’s typical to get 15-20 parties through per day, I’m seeing less than ten and of the ten, more than half are looky loos, aka nosy neighbors! Not a horrible thing, but def not hot leads.

It’s been really frustrating and then when I get down about it, I let everything slide… like I become less aggressive asking for visitor contact info and I’m less engaging while they are on site. The ripple effect from a demoralized mental state is real.

Looking forward though, I know what more I need to do. For instance, I def need to start making more calls to people I know: old acquaintances and friends. Talking to 25-30 people/week–mostly the open house folks– about real estate is not enough. That number needs to be closer to 100. And those calls… Of course, I’m aware of the awkwardness, the length of time that’s passed from when we last spoke, etc. But I read something by one of our seasoned top producers recently, and it was helpful to remind me of why these calls are necessary. Staying in contact is how this biz works. If you don’t stay top of mind, people conveniently forget that you’re in real estate and the next thing you know, your best friend is buying a house from someone else. Shiit. I gotta do it.

In related news, this new career is def changing my perspective on a lot of things. I have more respect and empathy now for salespeople, bc holy shit, this commission-only gig is a stressful grind and no matter how you slice it, that daily, constant rejection is hard. I haven’t personally altered my reaction to salespeople too drastically, but I do try now to hear them out a little more. And I just stay pleasant and polite. Not that I ever slammed the door/phone before, but now I just feel more understanding.

As for me in the sales role, I feel like I am constantly having to re-thicken my skin. Immediately after a round of door knocking or open houses, I’ll generally feel more confident talking to strangers but man, if I let up the following week, I recognized the immediate regression, bc those blows start to sting again. That constant desensitization is I think the only way to maintain some resiliency.

I also look at small businesses differently. I think about all the different facets that go into owners and shopkkeepers running a biz. Unlike with all my past salaried jobs, I no longer focus primarily on my job from that sole contributor vantage point. Now I have to think about medical insurance, taxes, marketing, business infrastructure, vendor expenses, the works! I mean, I LOVE having control over all those areas and I like seeing how it all integrates, BUT it’s also a lot of other stuff to think about and research and optimize. And now I am more aware of that for other business owners. They ARE very different than the big corporate multi-nationals. And in positions where I can, I try to support their businesses. Don’t get me wrong: I still love the selection, price, and convenience of those big boxers like Costco and Amazon, but I have also been buying little goodies or crafts or small things that I see that previously, I would have just passed by. There is something about seeing the enthusiasm and fire in their eyes and compensating them for their work and craft. Seriously, I wear some different lenses now as I move through life… it’s not always about getting the absolute best deal. Many times, yes, but not all the time like before.

Needless to say, as my first year comes to an end, I’m trying hardest to keep the mental clutter in check. Of course, outside of work, the holidays aren’t exactly the best time for me emotionally. I always feel overwhelmed ahead of seeing my family and plus, there’s just so much cultural pressure with you know, the gatherings having to be all festive and joyous. Also, I am still trying to figure out how to manage my daily annoyance re: my brother’s idiotic emails. More on that later.

To their credit, my parents really do try to be chill with me now, but like I’ve said before, my mind and body just have this habitual conditioned response. For instance, Dad keeps asking about my business. His intention I think is to comfort me for not having hit the milestones I’d originally set for myself for this first year… he acknowledges that I’m working hard and not seeing the results that I want, and he reiterates that building a biz takes time… I appreciate all of that but then he’ll say, “You’re not going to quit, right????” I think he just means I need to hang tight, BUT my brain just automatically gets pissy, reading that as some judgement he’s making about my past careers and how I’ve left them when I’ve grown frustrated or unhappy. I dunno how to explain this complex set of emotional bullshit other than that it really is hard for me to NOT take every thing my parents say so fucking literally or critically. Ugh, my sensitivity with them is always sky high.

It took some convincing but J advised that I take a break, so we’re in Scottsdale for a couple of days. I was reluctant at first, bc clearly I am very prone to tunnel vision and falling into that cyclone of despair. I don’t like to be bothered or distracted from focusing on my current problems.  But I’m glad I stepped away.

The break def helps me reset a bit. There’s a lot more to be done, but I know rest and fun are still essential. I’ve been reading recently about how work-life balance is a sham. Honestly, I think it’s mostly semantics, but I do understand this concept that focusing on one area will always detract from another… that’s how priorities work. I suppose the answer then is found somewhere along the lines of “Work hard, play hard.” Be focused on work while at work, but also make time for rest and play. And try to respect those boundaries whether they are delineated hour by hour or week by week or month by month. So I’m going to be more deliberate about adopting that mindset in the coming weeks and new year.

East San Jose After Dark

As you know, I made a conscious effort recently to step up my game by calling potential buyers. From the get go, I employed a multi-pronged call/email approach with the two gents who attended my homebuying class.

They are childhood friends, so they attended my class together. That said, they are on different timelines. One is still trying to see how much he can afford based on co-borrowing with family. The other is clear on location but not sure about how much he wants to spend. He has an approval amount, but he wants to be conservative. What this means is, possibly condo/townhouse, maybe SFH.

So I started sending him MLS queries based on our conversation, and I asked for his feedback. I also ran stats to give him (an engineer) some data on avg and median prices, $/sf, expected sold/list ratios, etc. He expressed interest in seeing two townhomes in East SJ, but bc of his work schedule, he couldn’t meet at the property until 8pm. Meanwhile, the thing about properties in San Jose is that they are typically owner-occupied, which requires additional planning/logistics on the front end in order to preview.

Mind you, I have done a few open houses in SJ, but SJ is a huge area, and East SJ is like where my skatepark was… I was a little nervous about driving around in the dark scouting out these places. Plus, I have never had good luck with parking… even in the residential neighborhoods. Anyway, we met out there, we looked at places, and it was fine. He and I get along pretty well, and I was thrilled when he commented that he has met a lot of agents and I’ve been really speedy, thorough, and responsive. He liked too that I gave him additional data. And he can tell that I go that extra mile. Yay, FINALLY, someone is noticing all the extra work I put in. It was a great boost to get some validation. And we talked about KW about my commission… he didn’t know much about how all that is structured, but he seemed focused on his priorities, which is a refreshing change. It’s not about trying to save a few grand by going with a discount broker. It’s about working with someone who is trustworthy, knowledgeable, and thorough so that ultimately, you get the house that you want in this crazy market. Goddamn, what a relief to meet someone so logical, someone who really gets it. He def impresses me. So now I am trying to hone down his search… his timeline is by the end of the year, so I am hopeful.

I will say, it was TOUGH finding parking in these communities after everyone was home from work. And some spots were DARK. Next time I need to pack a flashlight bc the phone light just isn’t strong enough. What can I say, I’m not in Kansas anymore when I’m in SJ. But I like this client. He is young but he has his shit together. He is a planner who is clearly developing a strategy to be smart with his money. It’s really cool to see, and even though his price point is a lot lower than the other potential clients, I think it would be very rewarding to help him through this process.

What else. I’ve been busy too with Rover. I was bragging to J the other day that I was more than doubling my Rover income from last year. Then Bubs said, well, you didn’t do a full year last year. Oh. Touche. Way to burst my bubble. Still, even if I calculate for the same months both years, I’m slightly ahead. I like hosting doggies. Except when they get sick poopies and shit all over my carpet. Yes, that happened today. Diarrhea is no. fucking. joke. Ugh. It was disgusting. I tried to imagine that people with kids have to deal with similar grossness way more often, so I should just get over it. Well, Laundress to the rescue! I cannot believe it, but it got that shit out. Literally. And I just want to add: I’m glad I saved all my old socks/underwear as cleaning rags. I went through a ton of them cleaning up today’s mess.

Other than that, the big news is that Bubs returns tonight from MD. Yup, he’s been a true road warrior for the month of October. My friend asked if I was feeling lonely. Honestly, I will never admit to any codependency, but I will say it has been hard doing my open house and homebuying class set ups solo. It’s a lot of shit to lug around and set out. But I have been trying to work a ton… I’m finding that evening calls work best, and that’s much easier to do when you come home from the office to an empty house. Still, I’m glad he’s coming home. Taiwan is right around the corner… Ugh.

The Next Big Push

On Wednesday, I attended the first session of BOLD. BOLD is the sales prospecting class I took back in May… yes, the one where I had to talk to 100 people per week. So our company offers the 7-week program twice a year, and the leadership at my office was giving us the big sell to take it again. Honestly, I had no plans to register a second time (I mean, it was hard enough the first time around…), but we were encouraged to attend the free first class at a minimum– as a refresher/reboost at least. And by golly, a re-boost it was!

I ran into my former team captain. Yes, the uber suave frat boy who wasn’t necessarily my style, but. I mean, I have to give credit where credit is due. Homeboy is always decked out in a sweet suit, and he is smoooth when he talks. He just exudes confidence and success. So we chatted for a bit. Like Bubs, he was like, you’ve done 20+ open houses and only made one sale? What are you doing? What are you saying?

After a quick chat, the bottom line? Don’t email that evening with follow up. Call. You gotta call. Ugh. I mean, make no mistake: I have done calls in the past. But I always hated it. And esp when I got dud numbers or “voicemail systems not set up”, I stopped, bc I was sick of getting shit numbers from visitors. So after a few fails early on, I went the email route instead. The team captain insists that I have to master the call. Fine.

The other thing I gained from him? Work on the scripts more. And he demonstrated his tweaked versions– just short, quick lines but delivered with confidence and dang, they were so natural. I’m telling you, this dude is a master.

So I got reinvigorated. That day after the training (8:30-3:30P), I headed back to the office re-energized. Let’s get this shit going. So I went to my list of over 100 open house visitors. All the visitors from the very beginning, and I started to call the numbers I had. What do you fucking know? I spoke to maybe 10 people. One person made an appointment with me for Tuesday morning!!! Three others are interested in meeting after their hectic schedules die down in two weeks. One Dutch lady too… omfg, the craziest story: I actually got her confused with a lady from Canada. Yeah, after I left a very detailed message inquiring about her job offer (reason for the Canadian’s possible move), I later realized I got the women totally mixed up. Holy shit. I seriously try my best with taking notes of all the open house visitors as they come through, but sometimes, huge groups come all at once and it’s really hard to get their names, their spouses’ names, plus their context. Long story short, I was in a quandary. I mean, NOW what am I supposed to do??? I clearly got my wires crossed.

Well, I resolved to admit and apologize for my error. So, I emailed the Dutch lady and explained that I’d gotten her confused with another open house visitor. We had over 100 people through in two days, and I’m very sorry for the mixup. If she has any real estate needs, I’d love to meet over coffee to see if there’s a good fit. I mean, I was fully prepared to be written off, you know? But holy crap. The lady replied and said she wanted to meet after she returns Stateside in December. Say whaaaa???

The strange thing about all of this? I really just needed a couple small wins to give me more confidence to carry on. First, thank goodness I spoke to my BOLD team leader. To be honest, I saw him there all dapper and confident. I really didn’t want to talk to him, bc he’s fucking intimidating, you know? But once we made eye contact, I knew I had to approach him. And it’s so critical that I did. Second, I’m so glad I went to that Bold refresher, bc it really made me realize how much I’d started to slack off, you know? Like I’ve said a gabillion times before: you have to work smart not just work hard. It’s not enough to run myself into the ground doing busy work. I have to spend my time in the areas that count! Third, I was reminded that my goal for success and fear of failure needs to trump all else.

In other words, I’d been dragging ass about making calls for the longest time. Why? Bc I was worried what people would think of me. I was worried about rejection. I was worried about coming across unprepared or incompetent. That fear stopped me from doing it. But the truth is, nothing will be MORE disheartening or more disappointing to me than failure in real estate. That is the worst possible pain re: my career, so I must do everything and anything I can to NOT feel that pain. Whatever it takes.

What can I say: this was the reset button I needed. So since last Wednesday, I have been stepping shit up again. I still have zero signups for my homebuying class, but you know what? It’s still a great idea. It’s still a good niche, and the preparation– even if no one shows up– is worth it. I can’t let this small disappointment bring me down. So I’ve been canvasing and flyering all over the damn place. I asked my friends. Friends who work in tech. I told open house visitors about the class. I started putting my class postcards in the door jambs of cars parked in apartment complexes. Yes, I was that creeper walking around in dark garages, putting my flyers on the cars. I hit up really nice quasi-skyscraper apartments in Cupertino where I went deep into the bowels of a 4-level parking garage. Some dude saw me going car to car and stopped to watch me. Like you know, to make sure I wasn’t burglarizing or shit. It was funny.

Today I co-hosted my friend’s listing. A 2 BR/2BA condo in Cupertino. TONS of people. I gathered their info. Said I was going to call to set an appointment. I told them about my class. After I got home, I emailed everyone the disclosures and then I made the calls. Three people are open to meeting with me. They want to check their schedule tonight and get back to me tomorrow. One even thanked me for the follow up, OMG, whut? Am I finally finding my tribe?

At first when I started making my calls last Wednesday, I was so surprised. I told John that I could NOT believe people were staying on the phone having conversations with me. But John said calls are def way more effective at getting commitments. With email, people don’t see or hear you. They can just ignore or reject without seeing any reaction from you. With in person or phone calls, people are more inclined to agree. I mean, duh. It’s such common sense, and yet, I dunno. I just forgot. But I’m seeing it now. And it’s so important too to say, “let’s meet and see if we’re a good fit.” As my team captain said, don’t say from the get go that you want to work with him. That comes across as desperate. Instead, let’s meet and see. That way, you have an out and they have an out. Kinda like dating I guess. You can’t just insist you’re compatible. SMH. Genius.

I mean, that line is working so much better. And honestly, I get to maintain my own discernment and dignity. I’m excited for this final push before my trip to Taiwan. I’m determined to up my conversions. New week kicks off tomorrow!

Making the Ask

I have so many thoughts these days crammed into my head. So many things to learn and do and figure out. I’ve been trying to work on getting more/better rest, but it’s slow-going re-training my mind to chill the fuck out.

My latest dilemma, as you know, has been this issue of why am I not converting these open house visitors into clients. I had a call with my bud G the other day. Dang, it was so helpful hearing her brainstorm and problem-solve from a different perspective. Anyway, G suggested some alternative ways of connecting with people at open houses. Like if I consider written communication more of a strength than my in-person communication, what can I do to expose that side of me to visitors? I’ve got some new things to try… unfortunately, I haven’t been able test them out yet, but I will. Last night, I just reached out to another 20 agents seeing if I can do a twilight open house (Thu/Fri evening) since I’m going to a retirement party on Saturday and then hosting my colleague’s listing on Sunday.

I was so excited to tell J G’s ideas and well, being the business dude that he is, his point was that: somewhere, somehow, other agents are converting these open house visitors into clients, so there is definitely a method that works. You have to learn and master that method. That’s part of your job. Ouch, right? I see his point, and I’ve been reading/listening to scripts to internalize that more. But at the same time, I’m also going to try something totally different– like a brochure about me or something.

The other thing is, I’m hosting that homebuying seminar later this month. So far, zero signups. It’s stressing me out, bc my coach and loan officer have committed to driving into the office on a Saturday. I’ve also been working on my slides, pulling market data and practicing what I’m going to say. It just would suck to have nobody show up. And John is away so I’ll also have to prep refreshments and all that shit. Ugh. Events.

I recently watched La La Land. I didn’t expect to like it, bc I hate movies that are musicals, but I was really surprised by the message. Two people fall in love with each other and each one has big dreams. They end up not being together in the end, and it’s so un-Hollywood. But I found it to be so realistic: love doesn’t conquer all. And there are sacrifices involved with pursuing your dreams and with achieving success.

There are several scenes that I can really relate to: Emma Stone plays an aspiring actress. She works and works at it. At the gabillion auditions, the directors cut her off, or don’t pay attention, or are rude, or whatever… the movie captures that very human emotion of wanting something so badly, of working hard for it, and of just. not. getting. it. OMG, I am tearing up now just feeling that disappointment and frustration of rejection. The truth is, for some people, that end goal never comes to fruition. In that sense, the movie was still very Hollywood: she becomes a huge star in the end, and Ryan Gosling lives out his dream.

I know that success is never guaranteed. I have met people who have busted ass their entire lives and stagnated. But I still have to take that chance. I’m not going to give up. Maybe my “joy” is still in the journey, not the destination. Haha. I dunno. But honestly, what else would I do other than hustle?

Still, I was complaining to Bubs last night that there are zero signups. He thinks the topic is too specific. Granted, the seminar is aimed towards a very specific group (non-permanent residents), but shit, given the number of questions we’ve gotten at open houses from people on work visas with foreign funds, I think it’s a really good niche. Whatever, trial and error. I’m iterating and we’ll just have to see what works.

I’m still trying to get the word out. I hit up ethic supermarkets, coffee shops, library, apartment parking lots… I dunno that my method is very effective. I also reached out to my ProMatchers (networking group) and friends who work for big companies, asking if they can help spread the word by posting to the lunchroom or whatever. It’s so hard for me to ask for help, but these are the new habits I must build. And hopefully, they will remember the times when I have tried to help them.

Ok, well I’m off to flyer at some apartment communities in Cupertino. Then, I’m attending a ProMatch mixer in the evening. I’m going to use my scripts on those innocent bystanders. 🙂

Crisis of Confidence

All the books on personal development and growth stress over and over again that confidence is everything. I have lived and understood this concept firsthand, and yet, some days my mindset is a real clusterfuck.

Since returning from Austin, I’ve been feeling especially tenuous, mentally. On one hand, I look around at a lot of the other agents, and I feel like my dedication is stronger and my method is more meticulous, more thorough, more careful, more intense. I know I’ll do a good job in facilitating any of the transactions. Other days, I get frustrated that so many months in, my leads still are not converting. I beat myself up for not being good enough, for being socially awkward/unpolished/inexperienced/etc. Why else don’t people want to work with me, right?

Then, John and I go socialize with other people, and I sometimes feel so self-conscious: I don’t watch their shows, I don’t drink their drinks, I’m unfamiliar with their hobbies, I don’t sync with their humor… and I dunno, what the hell can I contribute to the conversation?!?! By the end of it all, my self esteem is in the dumps. Like, why am I so boring? And when the hell am I going to fit in? When is this going to ever feel natural?

People close to me tell me I’m way too hard on myself. Maybe it is simply an issue of finding my tribe. For example, John’s tribe doesn’t have to be my tribe. But then that takes me back to my sphere of influence, whom I generally ping every month. Hundreds of people. Only a handful of replies much less leads. I feel exasperated, and my emotional state plummets further. Who does this? I mean, after an entire lifetime of being a social outcast/misfit, you’d think I’d be impervious to this crap. Apparently. not. Is it the influence of social media, creating this incessant craving for validation? It seems so ridiculously needy. SMH.

I’m trying to re-train my mindset to be more resilient, bc honestly, in this profession, I can’t afford the time nor the energy to keep getting down about this shit. That said, allow me to share my latest annoyance.

I reached out to my college roommate the other day. She’s the one who’s pretty much been a flakey friend ever since we were out of sight, out of mind and left school. Never kept in touch. I would send her gifts or notes or whatever. No reply. I found out on Facebook recently that she moved back to DC and had a second child. I suppose, that should have been an automatic drop. Erased from my life. But no. after the hurricanes, I emailed her to ask about her extended family in Puerto Rico. Partly bc I really wondered and hoped they were safe. And also bc my new profession tells me this is a relationship business as well as a numbers game. You have to reach a LOT of people. Maybe the lesson here is also that you have to qualify your leads. There’s no point beating a dead horse. Hmm. Mental note.

So anyway, now it is October 1. And I have to climb out from my stupid pity party and keep plugging. I need to dust myself off and rise again like the Phoenix. Haha.

Interestingly, I had a conversation last Thursday with another new agent. This dude is really inspiring. He is diligent about script practice, and he has all the different scenarios/scripts down. And beyond that, he has that confidence, that swagger. It’s helpful to see, bc when I watch/hear him deliver the scripts, that energy and momentum and charisma is undeniable. He is living proof that confidence is everything. So that is my hurdle I’m working to overcome. I need to build confidence, and I need more grit.

That agent, he actually shared a story from his childhood. He grew up dirt poor: he and his brother used to scavenge public areas for loose coins so they could pool the money and buy a McDonald’s hamburger to split. They were perpetually hungry. I know, it moves me to tears just thinking about people not having enough to eat… But the point of his share wasn’t to make me feel pity. His point was that everyone has his/her struggles and challenges. Bc he lived through that hardship and survived, this putting-himself-out-on-the-limb to be liked and to build rapport with strangers… it’s nothing. It’s just a game. If someone slams the door or hangs up the phone, who the fuck cares. He has lived through some real shit and that rejection is not going to break him.

It’s a good reminder for me. I mean, obviously, my life obstacles have been very different. But I see his point. I am strong. I have resolve. I know I will work hard and do a great job advocating for my clients. Rejection along the way will not break me.

New week kicks off tomorrow. Time to get my mindset straight again.

Geek Squad

So I’ve basically spent the last two days trying to get a Trojan virus off my dad’s computer. Yup, I’m pretty much the 24-hour hotline for product research, computer updates, vendor communications, medical records requests, appointment setting, contract work, you name it.

In follow up to my last post, dad DID actually take swift action and order the new iPhone 8 after I researched and presented the options. The phone is supposed to arrive tomorrow and then he needs to take it to the AT&T store to get everything moved over. Sadly, the solution is not so simple regarding his pc virus attack. This virus is actually a serious one, and all day yesterday, I was logged into his computer remotely (while attending a real estate training) trying various removal tools and scanners. Windows Defender said it removed the virus, but then a minute later, it would return. Given the number of accounts my father accesses here and abroad, it is a big deal.

Meanwhile, my training all day was on tapping into the luxury real estate market (Here it would be > $5M properties). It was fascinating learning about how servicing high-end clients differs from the moderate market. Like, bc these people tend to be entrepreneurial and used to stellar service, you gotta know more stats, be more business savvy, know about current events, use different terminology… It was intriguing and yet also frustrating. I dunno, I basically had an identity crisis after the class: like who am I? Who will want to work with me (vs. someone else)? It threw me into an entire tizzy. After I got home. I told John I wanted to take the DISC personality test again, and he was like, What’s the point? You are who you are. And don’t worry about the luxury market… that’s for later. Right now, you’re new so you just focus on the middle range.

I see what he’s saying, but at the same time, I feel like you have to have a target, a plan, and an angle for who I ought to be marketing to… Lately, I’ve been researching “farming” a ton. It’s basically this idea of distributing materials to a geographic area consistently. It can take as long as 18-24 months of mailers/door hangers/knocking every other week before the seeds begin to sprout. It’s a major grind but the concept is that through repeated exposure, you become the agent who is top-of-mind in that community. But it’s not just randomly picking the farm. There’s a lot of considerations: How many sales are there per year? Condos or SFH? What’s the turnover rates? Are big agents currently farming the area already? What kind of residents are they? Renters? Owners? Investors… it’s overwhelming. And then what content to send? I’ve gathered postcard ideas and researched printing/mailing costs… So anyway, my mind was in overdrive and then dad called.

He wants to get a new Dyson cordless vacuum for Taiwan. See what I mean? Always over-complicates everything. Last time he was in Taiwan, he was researching it, but the price is cheaper in the US. So this 73-y/o man is going to schlep at 12-lb vacuum in his airline luggage to save $2. Ok, it’s probably way more than $2 but you get my drift. And I realize the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, but when I do my deals, I don’t inconvenience others. I do my own research and carry my own baggage, so to speak. So whatever. Last night, he saw that Kohl’s has some deal where you get 30% off when using your credit card on a purchase. Can I (meaning me) research it and see how to get the deal? Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

But I do it, bc that’ll make dad happy. And frankly, who else is going to help him with this? Fucking A. Thankfully, I was able to determine pretty quickly that 1) those promos don’t apply to Dyson 2) you can get it cheaper on Amazon. Done. Purchased and arriving at his doorstep on Saturday. I’m telling you, it’s like managing TWO households.

I then did more troubleshooting with dad’s computer. I finally gave up and decided this is a job for the pros. Only option for his situation? Best Buy Geek Squad. That lead down another rabbit hole: what is their service, how much, how long, etc. Nothing is ever a simple 1, 2, 3 answer, right? Seriously, Geek Squad has a gabillion support packages and with varying terms and coverages. Ugh.

So the current status is: I summarized the situation with his laptop and emailed it so he can print it out and give the info to the Geeks. There is no way he can explain to them what steps I did to try and resolve the issue. He’s taking the laptop into the store today, and he’ll likely have to leave it for a couple days. Meanwhile, this morning using MY computer and with dad on the phone, I had to log into most of his accounts and change the passwords. Yes, he was reading his passwords to me on the phone, I was logging in, then he was reading to me his new passwords. And he’s not great with creating different, distinct passwords (who is).

I told him the best method is to think of a line in your favorite song or poem. Then, use the first letter of every word in that line. Add some numbers. That way, it’s not like Vicky2017 or something retarded/obvious. So I explain all this and what does he do? Takes his old password and just swaps the front and back end. So for example, Vicky2017 becomes 2017Vicky. Wonderful, glad you are listening. I’m going through all this muck trying to fix your computer and change your passwords, and you basically re-use the same passwords. Annoying as fuck.

But whatever, by that point, I’d already spent like 20 hours on this bullshit. Let’s hope GeekSquad is competent enough to get the virus off. The saga continues… Time to head into the office. Entire morning busted.

Friday Night Call

Well, it never fails that dad calls me either on a Friday or Saturday night. Yep, prime times for going out and having a life… I mean, who is surprised. Since my college days, dad has always used these time slots to call and make sure I was in my dorm room studying. Now, he still expects me to subscribe to his fear-based “don’t go out at night” philosophy.

So today was kind of a shitty day. You see, last night, really late I got a Rover request for a doggie boarder starting TODAY. The lady mentioned that her dog should get along well with Marty, and then I had to tell her that Marty died. It’s in my Rover profile that he passed last December, but I still have him listed as a pet in my profile bc well, I just haven’t been able to bring myself to “delete” his profile. Long story short, that sent me down a rabbit hole looking at pictures of him and Remy and reading my old blog posts about the days we said goodbye. Goddamn, they were high maintenance in their golden years. Then I started crying. Went to bed and left my contact lenses in by accident.

Woke up in the middle of the night with my eyes super puffy bc of the damn contacts. Met with the new Rover client in the morning and then went doorknocking for my open house. Met some nice neighbors in that community. Also met some not so nice people who cut me off and shut the door on me. Fine, whatever. Then prepped all my materials and got a call in the afternoon from the list agent: They just got a super strong offer on the house I’m supposed to host. Granted, the list agent was kind enough to give me the option of whether or not I wanted to continue hosting the property. I decided to proceed. Maybe they can use a backup offer. I dunno.

So I finally get home, eat dinner, then dad calls. He can’t access his iphone, bc the text is monstrous and there is no accessible way to unlock his phone. This has happened before and I had no idea what he did to get it into zoom mode. Last time, he had to go to the AT&T store and have them fix it (double tap with 3 fingers at once). This time, I told him to do the same thing and he said it didn’t help. Then 30 secs later, it worked. Who the fuck knows. I mean, it’s so frustrating, bc I have gotten dad a decent laptop (upgraded every few years) for well over a decade and still, all he can do is basic plane tickets, stock trading, bank transactions, and scanning. He still can’t really email, doesn’t know to forward or reply or attach. He still reads too many junk/forwards and just gets hung up on something every other day. And I have showed him a bunch of times!! Same shit with the iphone. Can’t text. Doesn’t read email on the phone. Just looks at stock apps and uses the basic phone function (but not even voicemail). So freaking annoying. He’s a smart guy. If he can figure out stock/investment shit, he should be able to do more functions on the phone and PC.

So today he tells me he wants to upgrade to iPhone 8. How much, what are the specs, when is it available. I don’t fucking know! I’m not even looking to upgrade. Maybe he asks bc he knows John will upgrade but John almost always gets top of the line (different use case than my dad) and he buys direct from Apple. So Dad says, “oh you know, if you have time, maybe you can research it for me.” Fucking A. Yeah, I’m just sleeping and lounging around all damn day. Sure, I can research it.

So I go to AT&T chat and of course, I cannot get any info from the rep without logging into Dad’s account. What is your account and pw. Don’t know. On chat for about 45 fucking minutes, going through various iterations to finally get a working userid and login. After that, I have to learn the differences between upgrading via AT&T vs. Apple. And all the installment plan options. Basically, 90 minutes later, I have sufficient information to proceed. You know, just a simple thing to research on a Friday night. SMH. And more than half the time, I waste tons of time researching shit for dad and in the end, no action. We’ll see if this is the case regarding the iPhone.

A Sunday Off

My mind is all over the damn place these days. John’s been commenting that I am spending way too many hours of screen time. I agree: it’s just that there is always SOMETHING to research– be it for work, for family, for play, for future, whatever.

As it were, I took this weekend off from doing open houses. Originally, I’d tried to get something scheduled for Sunday but that didn’t happen. Then for Saturday, I had signed up for a house tour up in Orinda to scout out a project done by Connect-Homes, a modular home company based in LA. A year or two ago, John and I had checked out Blu Homes up in Vallejo and found that we loved the design but the price tag seemed very high. So we wanted to gather a different data point from one of the competitors. Interestingly though, looking at the Blu Homes site again now, it seems they have expanded their design options and also come down a bit in price.

Anyway, the reason we’re investigating this is, bc eventually we want to buy land and build a modular home on it. Not sure if it’s for retirement or just investment/vacay, but we’re looking into it. In fact, the idea to have additional property has been on my list for a long while, but now with big strides in faster, greener, more sustainable construction, I’m growing more interested. Then again, you know us: we are research fanatics, and we could very well get into analysis paralysis mode with this (e.g. the dog situation).

As a side note about the dog search: I really do have a growing fear that the next dog just won’t be as good. Like I dunno: what if s/he has anxiety or isn’t sociable or whatever… for some reason, I have a fear of investing energy in this path and then the juice not being worth the squeeze. I mean, I know I have a good track record but you know, just as with Rover: Some dogs I really fall in love with. Others are just there, super aloof, not that engaging… I dunno. I’m sure I’m overthinking all of this as usual…

In other activities, I’m still keeping my eyes peeled for new products and/or ideas to change my life, right? Sadly, the magnetic lashes didn’t pan out for me. My friend M, however, got the accent pair, and they are working out great. What else.

That Realtor life, man. My stuff takes up SO much space. As it were, our garage that was renovated about two years ago was descending into major chaos. John set up his leather shop there and then we were just dumping piles of crap. Last month, I spent some time clearing all the boxes. We also rearranged the wire racks to create aisles with shelves for his leather supplies and my real estate crap. It’s much better but still a constant struggle.

Likewise, my home office space is getting way disorganized, so I’ve been scouring all the furniture sites for ideas on additional storage. I finally settled on Ikea drawers, a small striped colorful rug, and an accent cabinet from Wayfair. The space is coming together but an Ikea run is pending… Yeah, I spent last night measuring for those and today, I drove over there thinking I would get this shit cranked out since I wasn’t working today. Plus, maybe it would be a good way to practice my tolerance/patience. You know, try to be a calm person. Well, before all of that, I had to return a damaged cabinet to Walmart. Not a good start. Then I mentally prepared and got as far as the Ikea parking lot. Shit man. That place was mobbed, so I aborted. Yep, drove there only to abort. So much for tolerance. My rational mind says Monday will be a much smarter time to go.

Fashion-wise: I finally completed my shoe search. That quest succeeded. Earth Shoes, Dr. Scholl’s, Rockport, and Aerosoles for the win. I mean, I add sticky cushions, but good enough.

Foodwise, we are trying to do portion control, so we are trying out Sunbasket. At first, we resisted bc the setup seemed too dumbed down for someone as advanced in the kitchen as Bubbey. But the first week was a good experience: with new flavor pairings and I mean, we went to bed hungry, so I guess it was working. We’ll see what this week brings.

Other things I’ve been researching: doggies. Yeah, even though we concluded that the new year is our new timeline (too much travel until then), I still look at the rescue sites. I am all over the place: puppies to old dogs. Puppies are so stinking cute, but the oldies remind me so much of Remy and Martin. Aged but still so sweet and deserving of a stable home. Pepsi is the latest apple of my eye. I can’t quite bring myself to see any of these dogs in person. I think it would be too tempting. I know, I need to prioritize my time better. Oh well, so far, this has been an enjoyable Sunday!