Category Archives: Getting Shit Done

Recent Epiphanies

I admit: every time I see J’s sister S, I admire so many of her qualities. She makes me wish I were mentally tougher, more extroverted, more professionally accomplished, more high powered, more fashionable and stylish. I aspire to be better, but at the same time, I realize that I still need to work within my own constraints. Like I can try to be more outgoing and I can work on dressing better, etc., but it’s highly unlikely I’ll start shopping at super deluxe Hermes or Prada or wherever. Sometimes I get frustrated when I feel like Bubs is pressuring me to move more in the direction of his sisters. It’s just too far beyond the boundaries of who I am… It would be like me expecting them to get excited about recycling/reuse/waste reduction or to consider living in a tiny home/shipping container home and aim for the 100 Items Challenge… Anyway, I’ve just been thinking a lot lately about judgement, acceptance, and shame. In the past, I’ve let other people’s success make me feel happy for them but also simultaneously feel worthless about myself. Hearing about S’s high stakes/high rewards career, hitting big corporate numbers, earning hefty bonuses, and flying on corporate jets… I very quickly feel lame: working/leaving my low-wage jobs and now studying real estate. I think of all that my parents invested in me to be successful and I swear I fight this feeling of disappointment and failure every fucking day. Still, I’m trying to stay focused on swimming in my own lane and keeping my head above water. I have become more aware now of shame and how it impedes me.

In a similar vein, I remember how before, even for simple interactions, if I was curious or wanted to know more about a product or process, I would just keep quiet, for fear of appearing dumb or coming across like I was bothering or inconveniencing others. But recently, I’ve realized there’s a way to ask about something with interest and curiosity and without coming across like an entitled ass. So now I’m trying this new thing where if I have unsettled thoughts or unanswered questions, I’m trying to verbalize my concerns rather than internalize them. Like with Martin and the new dog sitter: I hemmed and hawed about asking her for a reference with whom I could speak on the phone. The sitter already had multiple written/posted reviews, but after reading about how reviews for some services like AirBnb can’t really be trusted I really wanted to hear a client’s voice and just listen for other hesitations that wouldn’t necessarily come across in a written review. Also, she had received one scathing negative review. Normally, I wouldn’t have brought it up bc maybe it was too confrontational. But I did. The sitter was super fine and accommodating with both my requests, and honestly, I felt even better about her after seeing how she handled them. Long story short: I recently vowed not to let shame or fear of embarrassment/judgement keep me from asking questions and from learning more. The next time a contractor comes to the house to talk HVAC, no holds barred. Another shift for me now that I’m older and wiser at 40 (close enough anyway). 🙂

Coaching by Bubs

John and I have this inside joke where we always say Bubbey’s social intelligence skills are “world class”… And frankly, I guess it’s not really even a joke, bc there’s a lot of truth to it. In fact, in every single one of his jobs, that’s consistently one of the key compliments Bubs receives from leadership. Even for his very first job out of college, one of the top dogs pulled him aside to tell him that his blend of technical acumen PLUS social intelligence was a real gift that would take him far. Dude called it. My Bubbey is a superstar.

So how did he develop those world class skillz? He hypothesizes that growing up in a large family really helped him build strong awareness and perception, and esp given how passive and stubborn (world class in their own right) his parents are, he really honed some sophisticated skills of communicating in ways that make people feel supported rather than threatened, judged, or criticized. Additionally though, he also read a ton of books on difficult conversations and on managing people… Particularly early on when he was getting his feet wet in management. I should probably read those books; then again, why read them when I can get the Bubbey Cliff’s Notes?Interestingly, my family operates in the exact opposite manner of John’s family. No topic is off limits. We say whatever we want when we want, and there is zero fucking tact. If you think something, so long as it’s the (or YOUR) truth, it gets conveyed without any sugarcoating and regardless of whether or not the message is painful or hurtful. Hmm, perhaps that explains my proclivity towards radical honesty?

Ultimately, I think there is a time and place for both strategies, but it requires high level awareness in determining the appropriate method given the situation. Needless to say, throughout all my dramas, Bubs has definitely been a crucial adviser.

Recently, I was telling John how handling all my parents’ transactions and logistics was really starting to frustrate me, and moving forward, I wanted to have a conversation with my dad about fully taking over some of his projects. In the last few months, it’s just really become apparent that things are too much for him to handle. For me, part of the frustration stems from serving more in an administrative/secretarial capacity on these tasks… Couple the middleman/messenger role with dad’s total lack of tech savvy and things are super cumbersome and inefficient. So John said he thought that was a good idea, but I should discuss it in a very acknowledging and gracious way. Yeah, yeah. So yesterday, I called my dad and asked if he had moved forward like he had mentioned, and contacted the agent I researched regarding one of his townhouses. He had not. So I asked if wanted me to handle the sale. He agreed. Done. I think dad was procrastinating a little about telling his current agent (who helped with renting out the unit) that he wouldn’t necessarily be using him, but I just took care of it: Dad’s health isn’t good; he’s handing the project over to me, and I have my own agent from when I lived back East.

Later that day, I told Bubs that I had the conversation with dad and the situation was handled. Then, Bubs goes into a whole thing, asking if I had acknowledged dad for all that he has done for me and expressed gratitude for all that he has taught me and if I showed a willingness to take the reins to make the process more efficient for him… Blah, blah, blah. All of the sudden, the Love Withholder’s got a whole book of unsolicited advice?!?! No, I didn’t say any of that. I just asked if he wanted me to take on all aspects of the project, and he agreed and that’s that. Sheesh. 

But that’s the one good thing about my relationship with my dad. Unlike with my mother, I don’t have to defend my intentions. He already knows where I’m coming from. It’s like when I get pissed about my mother and all her neuroses, he knows it’s bc I worry about the consequences on his health. Her health too, but she’s even more resistant to change. And when I lose my patience with him for not downsizing or simplifying fast enough, he knows it’s not bc I’m trying to bully him out of the country or whatever. It’s bc I feel an urgency and I want him to start living freer and healthier immediately. Bub continued to give me crap, saying I could still go back and give those acknowledgements… Whatever. I’ll see. Sure, it would probably be a nice added gesture, but with my dad, actions are way more important than words. That’s his top love language, and no surprise, it’s mine as well. Like father, like daughter.

Grow Baby, Grow!

Speaking of being manic, Operation Front Yard is finally done. S/O to my buddy J whose watercolor painting kicked started this whole thing… Now, it’s time to sit back and watch her grow! Bring on the April showers.[FAG id=7451]

Plant Thieves

For a long while now, J and I have been feeling pretty tired. The last time something like this happened, a coworker of mine suggested I call PGE to check our gas lines and low and behold, they found a pinhole gas leak at the bottom of one of our wall heaters! So, it’s been on my list to just have everything checked once again. I didn’t feel like this qualified for a major emergency, so on Monday, I just called the main line. I was on hold for fucking ever. Finally, I just decided to send in an email. The time was around noon. Basically, I said that we had been feeling tired and the last time this happened, the tech found a small leak. I mentioned this, yes, with the intention of moving it up the queue, but seeing as we had been (possibly) living with this for a while, I didn’t necessarily classify it as URGENT. So I pressed send and went about my day, practically forgetting about the whole email.

At 3 o’clock in the morning, Bubs had fallen asleep on the couch and I was in bed. My phone was buzzing nonstop. Some 877 number. Then I got a bunch of Google voice text messages from PGE: the tech was saying he was here and trying to get inside our gate (which I lock at night with a bolt). I ran out to the living room, and Bubs suddenly got up, saying someone was in the yard. I opened the door and the PGE guy was like, did you just put this ticket in at 2:50 a.m.? Um, no!! Something about how it was urgent and he had to check the house with a gas meter. WTF?? Bubs and I were all disoriented and then I realized what had happened. OMFG. I could not stop laughing. Consumer advocate in action! So the dude was unable to get through to us, so he basically got himself inside the gate and started checking the gas meter in the front of the house. Prior to that, homeboy had also rung the doorbell, which Bub thought was part of his dream. Jesus Christ. Ever since that whole thing happened with Mo and we were unable to get a hold of ANYBODY in the middle of the night, I always sleep with my phone nearby bc shit, emergencies happen. But even so, it took the dude 10-15 min to get us up and moving! Kinda a scary thing to realize. After the initial gas scan, he said PGE would return the next day to check gas on all the appliances in the house (stove, 2 wall furnaces, gas water heater). After he left, Bubs and I had a good laugh. Bubbey said he didn’t know what the hell was going on. He heard the doorbell in his dream and then when he finally registered that someone was outside, he thought the person was trying to steal our plants (yes, the ones that have mostly already been planted into the ground OUTSIDE the front gate). Ah well, obviously, a sleepy brain doesn’t make a lot of sense. I have to admit though: I was a little disappointed bc I always want to live by this quote from the movie Heat. “Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.” Clearly, we are just not ready to handle the heat coming around the corner.

In other news, I spoke to dad yesterday. What’s fucking new, he’s majorly stressed again and sounding down. Still dizzy and just in a sad mood. I think his health is really freaking him out, so now more than ever, he is hurrying to consolidate, simplify, tie up loose ends, and take care of business. In other words, he KNOWS mom can’t handle jackshit, so he’s gotta have it all squared away. Fucking co-dependence. Don’t even get me started. Of course, just as the doctor was telling him too much stress and too much long distance traveling was contributing to his problems, Dad books another fucking flight back to Taiwan for May/June. Jesus Christ. Calm the hell down already. I swear, if I am on this same trajectory of stress and micromanaging every goddamn detail, I’ve got to step up the resistance. For realz. Don’t let me go down that path. Incidentally, what this new travel plan means is that I will probably be headed back to Taiwan some time in June to coincide my visit with the parents and check in again on the three grandparents. Of course, that’s my bday month, so I’ve got to tread lightly. Just what I fucking need: daily volcanic eruptions with mom near my bday, right? Shit, I need to start therapy again now just as preventative medicine. FML.

April Rebirth

This month I’m finally starting to feel renewed. Last Friday, my father got the results of his MRI. Thankfully, no tumors/growths appeared on the scans, and the neurologist says his gray-to-white matter ratio looks good, esp considering his age. Phew, what a relief! Of course, dad is still having symptoms of dizziness but for some reason, things don’t seem quite as dire. The doctor suggested that his symptoms might be triggered by lots of stress paired with too many long-haul flights that could muck up the body’s ability to rebalance and adjust to changes and pressure. Maybe that’s feasible.

Dad also reported that the settlement check went through, so no funny business there. Next, he’s going to get in touch with the real estate agent I found (on a referral from our Virginia agent) and talk to him about selling one of his rental townhouses. Hopefully, the ball is finally starting a roll towards true downsizing.

As for me, my dermaroller device didn’t arrive Saturday morning as I had expected. Major bummer. Even so, J and I had a nice weekend: we basically just ran errands and hung out with each other. It was nice. The gardeners were over again all day moving the watering system, setting pavers, and planting my new plants. We modified the step stones (again), so that required yet another change to the plantings. Another trip to the nursery and holy crap, Saturday was apparently THE day to hit up the nursery. Summer Winds was fricking mobbed! My peeps made great progress though, and I believe Operation Front Yard will be totally done with just one more Saturday. Yippee!!! Can’t wait.

In other news, I had a major scare last week regarding our London hotel booking. I’m always scouring multiple sites to price compare (Duh!), so when I looked in my Priceline and Booking.com mobile apps and saw that both listed a reservation for our hotel in London, I started freaking out, esp bc I had JUST passed the free cancellation mark to, meaning the lodging is prepaid and non refundable. Shiit! The thing is, I didn’t know Priceline and Booking.com are affiliated sites, so I thought maybe somehow I had accidentally made TWO separate bookings for the same exact dates. Holy fuck, I nearly had a heart attack. I called the hotel and thank god the front desk said there was only ONE reservation for my name. Then, when I looked more closely on my Priceline confirmation, it listed a Booking.com confirmation, suggesting the same reservation was just cross listed in both sites/apps. Jesus Christ. How the hell was I supposed to know?

On Sunday, after many weeks of procrastinating, I finally bit the bullet and booked a pair of tickets to Les Miserables at the Queen’s Theatre in London. I had been hemming and hawing bc of the cost and also just bc the play is always so emotionally draining… But seeing it in London IS on my bucket list. And the reviews were universally phenomenal. Bubbey reminded me that he didn’t want to go all that way, only to have the shows sold out or with shitty seats. Good point. I got them babies booked. Now I’m super excited about it again.

My dermaroller finally arrived today. This afternoon I started getting nervous about doing the deed… The instructions say not to wear makeup the day of rolling. Well, I had already met with two contractors for our HVAC estimates and I already have plans for tomorrow, so time to get ‘er done! Overall impressions? You can definitely feel the needles. All was fine until I applied a little more pressure and then I drew some blood. My face got really red, like sunburned red. Of course, as soon as I was done, my neighbors came over to walk the dog. I swear my neighbors are probably wondering what the fuck is wrong with my face… I either have zit cream on in public, or my skin is fucking flamming red. What can I say: the price of keeping my acne shit under control, man. I’m eager to see how my skin looks tomorrow. I’m pretty much bracing for another game-changing product. 🙂 No pressure, right?

For the Love of Research

OMFG, I have been in killer research mode. I mean, I know I’m kinda perpetually in research mode bc I’m curious about so many freaking things but lately, the intensity has seriously been elevated. First things first: my vanity. Yeah, disappointed by the ortho visit, I looked into the cosmetic densistry/veneers/bonding route. Turns out the veneers dentist I found is on vacation until next week. So while I wait, I returned to the face research. I was going back and forth via email with one skin clinic doctor, but getting info (esp on basics, like cost of the consult and cost of typical treatment) was like pulling teeth. I know a lot of skin lasering shit is elective and not covered by insurance, but I still need to know how much shit costs before going down the path. Like, who says there is a consult fee and then doesn’t tell you what it is?

Late last night, as Marty was having another restless bout (maybe bc he didn’t get an evening walk… also the Tranquility tincture wasn’t working), just for kicks I thought I’d revisit my old school forums over at acne.org– you know, read their comments about treatments for scarring. Back in the day when my face was a monstrous mess, I combed every square inch of that website. Returning and seeing all the pictures made me feel so sad, bc my god, acne can be so damn traumatizing. To my surprise, there was an entire thread on laser resurfacing… There are different kinds but most people said it made the scarring WORSE, and shit, story after story, people blew thousands and said the lasering like went way beyond just smoothing their surface but changed their face to the point of them not even recognizing their own face in the mirror. WTF??? Like Jennifer Grey shit? Oh fuck no. As I read through the posts, I learned that my scars are actually called ice pick scars, not nearly as bad as boxcar scars which is some really fucked up shit. Goddamn acne, man. It was one of the most damaging experiences of my life… I tear up just thinking about how debilitating it was and I’m so grateful things got better. Who knew that after trying every possible prescription cream and oral antibiotic plus Accutane (that shit did work although for a short time), the ultimate answer would be icing, benzoyl peroxide, and mandelic acid serum (and maybe California air?). But I digress… Last night, a bunch of people suggested subcision and micro needling over laser. What the hell are those? More research. So in both cases, the idea is to use a needle to poke around and under the skin where there is scarring. That “breaks up” the scar tissue and triggers the body to regenerate and create more collagen to repair the area, thereby replenishing it with new skin (and smoother surface).

So this morning, I booked an appointment with M’s doctor for mid April, but I also started looking into this dermarolling/micro needling concept. Multiple before/after pics and YouTube videos later, I’m sold. I ordered a kit from Banish in Los Angeles, and I’ll give it a go. If anything, it’s not just for acne scarring but also for anti-aging and overall skin improvement, like people have also used it for stretch marks and skin tightening too. I’m not gonna lie: the bloody videos are kinda scary and some people say it fucking hurts (You’re essentially rolling a meat tenderizer over your face), but what can I say: I’m a vain beotch, and I want better skin. Stay tuned.

In other news, as I’ve been booking lodging and shit for Europe, I was getting a little nervous about my dad’s MRI results, supposedly coming tomorrow. I looked into trip cancellation insurance and holy crap, our United Air Explorer card has trip insurance built-in, which means in the event of sickness or illness of you or your family member, the insurance covers up to $10k for prepaid travel bookings. I mean, if shit were bad, we would certainly do what we gotta do, but it’s nice just having that piece of mind. I swear, it’s a whole other job knowing about those damn credit card benefits.

I remember a few years ago, I worked with this guy who had a very elaborate system, like if he got gas, he used Card A; if groceries, Card B; if travel, Card C; etc… It was serious, and while I was definitely impressed, I guess there is a point of OVER-optimizing, as Bubs likes to remind me (e.g my dad). So yeah, J and I aren’t super duper on the ball, but man, I do admire the hustle, and I get super excited whenever I uncover little secrets here and there… Speaking of which, have you heard of the Southwest Companion Pass? Holy crap, I just learned of this last week. Yup, I’ve already applied for two cards in an attempt to try and get it. What can I say, a woman’s gotta have goals. Shrug.

Keeping the Household Humming

Some days, I get the sense that Bubs thinks I’m just sitting around twiddling my thumbs and shopping all day online. Admittedly, I am a superstar “researcher” but shit, there’s more to keeping the household humming than just clicking around online. Admittedly, we’ve been on a bit of a spending spree these last several months… What’s that saying, “Happy wife, happy life.” For me, I just want Bubs to be happy. Sounds simple enough, but it’s no small feat for someone prone to depression and negative thinking (actually, both of us!). Bubs works really hard, so whenever he makes a comment or complaint or whatever, I try to be attentive. I’m not trying to be the subservient wife or anything, but he’s my companion and I want to do whatever I can to help create our “best life” together. Ugh, I know. Enough with those fucking Tony Robbins terms. Sorry, not sorry.

Certainly, after I left my job, the first orders of business involved multiple home projects related to the garage and re-organization. But then, Bubbey was frustrated with our disorganized, limited closets, so we got TCS elfa installed. Bubbey said eating out wasn’t good for our diets, so I started cooking more at home, really hustling to have dinner ready when he stepped in the door. Then Bubbey hated our old sofa, so I researched and found a deep-seated sectional. Then, he lamented that we kept postponing our Europe trip and the years were flying by, so I booked that trip (award miles, baby!). Then, he wanted to install ductless heating/cooling to the house, so I’ve scheduled free estimates with two contractors. Then, he said looking at the dead grass (I killed our lawn bc of the drought, and Bubbey loves a green lawn!!) annoyed him, so I took on Operation Front Yard, laying out a plan, researching plants, and directing the gardeners. Yes, I know. I am oozing privilege here bc 1) I have the funds for all these projects and 2) I actually have gardeners instead of having to till the soil and plant the plants myself… Of course, in all these cases, I benefit too bc we have built a life together. And I get satisfaction from being useful and productive. Still, sometimes I get tired of trying to meet every need with minimal acknowledgement. And ultimately, I wonder. Will he ever be happy? Will WE ever be happy? Are we just a couple of malcontents who will never look up despite how much we have and how lucky we are? The theme of “not good enough” surfaces again, and I think of how throughout my life, I have nearly killed myself over this idea of not meeting the standards/expectations, whether they are set by my parents, my family, Bubbey, or myself.

Last week, I started obsessing over my physical imperfections. Honestly, I think the nitpicking was part of a bigger problem of just feeling out of control, esp with the uncertainty of my father’s health. But I’ve always hated my smile. I never show teeth, and even after I got braces taken off in college and I had a straight smile, I hated showing teeth. Now, I noticed that my two front teeth are crooked again. I was so good about wearing that damn retainer for years after brace, but I stopped by the time I was 30. And it shows. I leaned in closer to the mirror and noticed so many pock marks on my nose. That damn nose. It’s been the bane of my existence since forever. After decades of cystic acne, it’s scarred and misshapen. I know these are superficial things, but they are starting to bug me more now than ever. Am I getting greedy? I always think back to my days of youth when I truly believed only two things were required for happiness: 1) a dog 2) no more acne. Remember how I told the universe I would stop complaining if those wishes were answered? Well, look at me now. SMH.

Being the researcher that I am, I figured there’s no harm in gathering information. So I Yelped a few places, and yesterday I went to see an orthodontist. Turns out, J’s dental insurance doesn’t cover ortho at all. Again, it’s just my two front teeth! I’m good with everything else. Well, what could I expect: Orthos are perfectionists too. Long story short, the proposed treatment isn’t just working on those two teeth: no, it’s an entire 18-month long plan with both top and bottom realignments bc my entire line of teeth have to be pushed out to a wider semicircle to create more space for the two front teeth! Fucking A. 18 months of wearing Invisalign for 20-22 hrs/day. And the real kicker? Fucking $8,000!!! Oh, hell no. So I got home all disheartened. I mean, I’m no dentist but can’t they just shave down the front teeth and cap them with veneers? So now I’m going to see a cosmetic dentist next week to ask about some combo of shaving/bonding/veneers to see if we can arrive at a better solution.

Meanwhile, I went to the derm last week for my nose and wtf, the dude hardly had anything to say. He suspects what happened was that the cystic acne deformed my oil glands and pores hence the bumpiness on my nose. Usually, I thought derms could talk laser treatments and resurfacing. Nope, homeboy just wanted me to see a cosmetic surgeon. He said maybe Fraxel could resolve this, but he didn’t even know. Well, shit. Now I blew my one free doctor visit per year on a useless visit. The place he recommended didn’t get good reviews, so now I’m going to check out a skin spa. Ugh, fucking no progress. Maybe if I tackle at least one of the two deformities, I’ll feel better. Then again, maybe I’ll just find a third imperfection to obsess over… Sigh. Some days I exhaust myself.

 

Flurry of Activity

Last week, I was feeling so good about getting myself back on track. Faced with the deadline of my yoga Groupon, I actually hit the studio every damn day for a week (minus Easter). And on Friday night, J and I tried a new ktv place for the first time in years, joined by K + D. In the past, our ktv spot was a Japanese joint in Cupertino. This time, we opted for a Taiwanese-owned place with lots of food options (instead of just snacks and drinks like the old place). What a pleasant surprise! Sadly, the audio system didn’t work wonders on my voice the same way that ktv place in Tokyo did and the queuing system was a bit confusing, but overall, we had a blast! And holy crap: K is really good! I have a lot of friends who are fans of karaoke, but homegirl can do hardcore rap! I have NO IDEA how she knows all the words and is able to keep up with the pacing, but it’s pretty damn amazing to witness. I keep telling her she needs to enter some karaoke contests, for realz… I’m gonna be her agent! Bubs and I did have a realization Friday night that we need to update our song list. I mean, K + D are mid-80s babies but shit, who knew music from the 80s and 90s was so damn repetitive and lingering? Those chorus lines drag on and on!!!

In other news, on Saturday, G + J came to town with baby O. Yup, the Houseboat was the site of TWO babies (and six adults), as J + J also came over with baby H. I have said it before: holy crap the babies are nonstop action, and J and I didn’t even have to do anything! But it’s just the constant movement and monitoring… J and I were so wiped that night. Still, we had a great time catching up with our buds. The two baby boys got along (we captured some nice photos), and it was nice to just chillax on the Houseboat: cook dinner and lounge on the patio outside. We couldn’t have asked for better weather this weekend.

On Saturday, my gardeners were also over all day, getting going on Operation Front Yard. They tore everything up, added a shit ton of fresh soil/amendment, regraded/tilled, and started laying out my plan. To be honest, I’d been dragging ass on this front yard do-over for nearly 3 years… mostly bc J and I know nothing about plants and we really just had no fucking clue what we were doing. But my bud J kicked things off with that watercolor sketch and then I got some ideas from Pinterest and finally assembled a design board. With a few trips to the nursery, I started feeling better: it wasn’t really as hard as I had anticipated. I pretty much just needed full/part sun plants that were also drought tolerant, and surprisingly, the nursery is already arranged in a logical way where the plants are categorized similarly. So I’ve definitely deviated from the design board, but as my gardener has laid things out with spray paint and brought us sample flagstone and gravel to help envision everything, I’m finally feeling excited that this shit is going to happen. I’m kinda bummed that we missed the county landscape rebate program (the county ran out of funds), but at this point, I just can’t wait to see how everything comes together. Two more Saturdays and we should cross that finish line! Yippee!

Come What May

So I’m pretty much speaking to my dad daily at this point. On Monday, he got an appointment with the neurosurgeon who promptly ordered an MRI scheduled for Tuesday. My father is feeling less nauseous, but the dizziness is not subsiding. He tells me the MRI is pretty fine-grained, and it can usually detect Alzheimer’s, tumors, and/or blockages (something about the brain arteries not carrying enough oxygenated blood?). I dunno, I’m pretty sure it’s frustrating as hell trying to communicate with a biology/medical newb. Meanwhile, his family in Taiwan is freaking out and calling him every day.

The good news is that he has finally started doing some exercises– just 10 minutes twice a day. Nothing on his new elliptical but I suppose so long as his balance feels unstable, that’s probably smart. I haven’t spoken to my mother since that day she asked me to come home if it turns out to be something serious. My guess is that she is paralyzed even further by fear and catastrophic thinking. That’s her m.o. anyway. I’ve pretty much taken over the coordination/communications of his property-related items. He keeps telling me he just can’t handle those things mentally right now, and then he apologizes for being a “burden” on me. At the same time, I think he is somewhat resigned to what will come. He says he wants to keep living but if something happens, that’s life. It’s so weird to think so much nowadays about mortality. The inevitability of it does nothing to lessen the emotions. I wonder if he has a different perspective due to his profession. Stanford’s Dr. Kalanithi comes to mind. I’m trying to stay calm until more information is available. As you can tell from my family, it’s hard to keep the worry in check.

I was up early today for yoga again. Class 3. Still way more intense than I would like, but I’m feeling the soreness and taking that to mean progress on some small level. Turns out I have six more classes left by March 29. In the very least, I hope to finish this week out strong. It’s a little weird being back on an early schedule again. When I walked Marty this morning, I ran into all the kids walking to school. I also bumped into a neighbor (the one who complained to me months ago at the park about parenting): she asked me what I was up to… Turns out, her sister is also taking classes now to get her real estate sales license. I’ve been reaching out to a number of people I know (including my loan officer) to just get some more scoop/background. Honestly, I’m probably doing a little bit of analysis paralysis here, but I’ll get going soon enough.

What else. Yesterday, I made two trips to the nursery for plants. Yeah, for weeks now, our front yard has just been a big muddy lot. I had our gardener completely cut off the water, so the lawn browned and then last month, he dug up the remnants so that only dirt was left. Trying to re-do the front lawn the cheap way, I asked my friend J, who is a hobbyist gardener. The lady came back with a freaking watercolor painting of her proposal. And with Pinterest and many conversations with my gardener, I did a mockup plan. I kinda wanted him to take my design board and go with it, but my gardener insisted that I buy the plants. Ugh, fine. Turns out, that was a good idea, bc stuff I thought I wanted didn’t look good in person, so there were several modifications. Now, the crew is coming Saturday to get started. Btw, who the fuck knew plants were so damn pricey. I mean sure, I’m always stuck in 1980s pricing, but shiit. I don’t even feel safe piling up all these plants behind my front gate. Some of them should be on lockdown or something. SMH.

I guess it all works out though, bc I was pleased to sell my Petrie sofa today! Yup, I had posted almost two weeks ago on Craigslist and on a for sale app called OfferUp. No interest at $700 (which I admit was a high starting price). I then dropped $25 and got some interest. Today, a lady from Menlo Park stopped by and put down a deposit. I kinda wish I had held firm at $675 but I came down another $50. Both M and Bubbey were shocked that my sofa sold for that much, but hey man, there are plenty of frugal rich people out there!! After the sale, as I drafted a quick text confirming receipt of the deposit, she revealed that her hubby is a lawyer. Something about them moving and they just sold their couch, so maybe this one is a temporary one? See? I could have gotten $700 Bubbey bucks.

Ok well it’s suddenly 4p, and I gotta scramble to get groceries and make dinner. Yup, living the June Cleaver lifestyle these days. Except for the etiquette/manners/charm school part, I’m pretty good with managing the home!

Discovery Island

I’ve been in big time product discovery mode lately. My mind’s been back in overdrive and to make matters worse, Marty’s doggie dementia recently hit new heights. Every night, he was panting excessively, scratching his bed like a maniac, and just being generally neurotic, unsettled, and jumpy. J and I were both at wit’s end. “He’s going down!! We can’t take this anymore!” we screamed. Then one night, I started researching doggie dementia again, and holy crap, I came across a forum where so many people are having the same issues! They lamented about how much joy their dogs brought to their lives and yet, they were really at the end of their tethers bc the old dogs were practically unrecognizable in behavior. There was this palpable tension of being frustrated and sleep deprived, teetering on the verge of pulling the plug but then also still wanting to honor the lifelong friendship with their pets. Ah, the heartbreak! Many things, I’d come across before: Rescue Remedy, Thundershirt, melatonin, Benadryl, and then… Apawthecary Tranquility Blend AND Hyland Calms Forte. Huh? I went to Amazon and read the reviews. Bam! Ordered. The homeopathic tincture arrived last Monday and holy Jesus Mary and Joseph: Marty has been sleeping through the night for the last seven days. As for me, I’ve been taking the Calms Forte tablets and what the what? Sleep for all!!! No waking up on the 2-3 hour OB/GYN or new parents’ cycle. Fucking miracle!!! We’re all saved. I haven’t slept this well in YEARS.

Of course, my research did not stop there. Bc of the Muddy Waters incident, an acquaintance directed me to Norwex microfiber cleaning cloths, recommending that I use them for the new sectional… except that Norwex works with water and my sofa is water-free only (cleaning code S). Nonetheless, what’s this product she’s raving about? I investigated. Holy crap. $30 for a pair of microfiber cloths?? Can they really be that phenomenal? I was intrigued. Well, this necessitated drilling deeper, bc you know I’m a cheap bastard. Whatdya know? I came across the blog of a former Norwex rep (FYI Norwex is a direct sales/MLM-style company, like Mary Kay, Amway, JuicePlus, etc.). The rep said she absolutely loved their cloths, but they were too damn pricey. She found a cheaper alternative, called ecloths. So I ordered those just to see what all this fuss was about. The cloths arrived last week and holy cow. Every glass surface in my house is now spotless– even cleaner than with Windex + newspaper, which already was already freaking trail-blazing, in my opinion. And with just water!!! I was so excited, I couldn’t wait for Bubbey to get home that day to see the difference. Sadly, when he got home the sun had already gone down and he couldn’t really tell. But, the next morning, even Bubs was impressed. That shit is cray! You will have to see for yourself.

Continuing on the cleaning vein, yeah, since my new sectional was all high maintenance with the whole water-free thing, I did have to use solvent. If any of you should have the misfortune of getting your upholstery soiled by a Muddy Waters, I’d recommend K2r solvent. I mean, Marty did a real number, but after multiple applications, I’m pretty happy that order got restored. Good enough, at least.

In non-product-related news, our Phoenix trip was a blast. I had been there two years ago for a weekend with G and then before that with Bubs and our friend M for the Grand Canyon. This trip was more focused on Phoenix and Scottsdale. I gotta say: I’m not a fan of the politics there or the utter lack of Asians (Asians are less than 3% of the population!), but shit, I am a fan of cheap(er) real estate and shiit, 299 days of sunshine every year! Plus, the store/shop names are so much for creative. Like we ate at a pie shop called The Pie Hole, next door to a pizza joint called Humble Pie. Then, there was a breakfast spot called The Good Egg. And a used car lot called the Jalopy Jungle. And a mega gas station called Super Pumper. See? Creative, right? J and I found some decent grub too, well except the mediocre sushi (duh!). We hit up Bob Marley at the Tempe Improv (fantastic show!!), the Desert Botanical Garden where there’s a really beautiful integration of sculpture art + plants, and I didn’t even realize this until our last day, but Frank Lloyd Wright’s western campus for his architecture school is based in Scottsdale at Taliesin West. We did a tour, and now I’m planning to add FLW buildings to my bucket list. So cool! Turns out, he also designed a house in a Phoenix suburb for his son, and we’re gonna hit that up next time! Overall, another great quickie destination (with direct flights to SJC): truth be told, AZ might just make it onto our “places to live” list. That said, I should mention that the PHX Sky Harbor Airport is a disaster. New and beautiful but fuck, that place is run like an LAX: disorganized with lots of idle staffers doing zippo about long lines. It was an optimizer’s nightmare, and for sure, both of us nearly lost it witnessing the egregious inefficiency on our flight out. SMH. Total buzzkill to end the trip, but I guess you win some and lose some.[FAG id=7449]