Category Archives: Friends

Life is Short

Ok, I’m done with my pity party. That’s not to say my personal demons will not rear their ugly heads again, but for now, I am moving on. Life is too fucking precious to be wasted on feeling shitty about yourself.

My dear friend’s sister, Debbie Kennedy, passed away this week. I had only met Debbie a few times before, but I remember her radiant smile and indomitable spirit. And she was quite a badass too: G shared so many dramatic stories of Debbie clashing with their Taiwanese parents. Shit man, she always stood her ground, esp when it came to parenting disagreements: she knew how she wanted to raise her kids. I know, don’t immigrant parents just bring out the best in us?!?!? SMH.

Sigh. Debbie left this world far too early. She was a vibrant and animated soul and by god, she was a fighter. I am inspired by her strength of will and her strong love of family.

Yesterday, Richard Branson, responded to Alaska Airlines’ decision to cease the Virgin America brand, with a powerful letter. His last paragraph resonated a lot with me and reminded me of Debbie:

George Harrison once said, “All Things Must Pass.” This was the ride and love of a lifetime. I feel very lucky to have been on it with all of you. I’m told some people at Virgin America are calling today “the day the music died”. It is a sad (and some would say baffling) day. But I’d like to assure them that the music never dies.

Like the music, her spirit lives on. Rest in peace, Debbie. Oh and FUCK CANCER.

Consolation Prize

Oh my. After another week of running around and putting myself out there, I just crashed and burned. Last Wednesday, Bubs flew back East again to visit his mom and take care of bidness. I went to seven trainings, met with more lenders, caught up with old colleagues, attended a few meetups, and hosted an open house.

I went to a bday party last night for my friend K at the university. She and the hubby just bought their first house: what a cozy and beautiful bungalow in Southeast San Jose! Some of our former colleagues were at the party, so it was nice to catch up. My former department restructured recently and some peeps I know got pushed out (sadly) while others scored big time reclassifications. Good for them.

Today, I had lunch with several engineering buds from the fuel cell startup. Between last night and today, I had a good time catching up with old buds from both workplaces but truth be told, after I got home, I broke down in tears.

I don’t really know how to explain it, but some days I just really feel like a failure. Don’t get me wrong: I am genuinely and sincerely happy for the successes of my friends. More pay, higher titles, opportunities for growth. Yay! I believe firmly in the idea of abundance: there is plenty of success to go around for all of us. But at the same time, sometimes I just feel shitty. You see, I want to be around motivated and energetic people. I want to be around movers and shakers– not bc those people are necessarily better people than others, but bc I feel a commonality and relate better to professional ambition instead of family goals (my fam is too damn dysfunctional).

So at lunch today with my engineering buds… I mean, they are just so damn smart. After all, these are the guys behind the chips and batteries and electronics and wiring in all the technology that makes modern living so fucking amazing: smaller and smaller devices; automotive innovations; medical devices that detect illnesses and deliver treatments to the ill; solar panels that are taking places off grid… We are talking about serious game-changers. And then there’s me. Still treading water, still trying to find my way: still trying to make myself useful and helpful. Still trying to change lives in some/any kind of capacity. Basically, still trying to rub two stones together to create a spark. I just felt so down on myself.

Every week I talk to my dad and there is nothing new to report. He tells me that building a new business takes time and anyway, I “don’t really NEED the money.” I mean I know he’s trying to ease my anxiety and impatience, but reminding me that I’m privileged, living in a luxury provided by other people doesn’t help. It makes me feel like shit. I don’t want to be given the consolation prize for success.

I’ve been pushing myself harder lately too. I was learning so much and I was feeling more confident and more comfortable talking about loan programs and reasons to own and whatever. I had toured enough open houses to add more touches to my hosting style to make the experience better and more informative for visitors. I was consistently updating my real estate blog. I was reaching out to people telling them about the resources I discovered… and nothing. I mean, some thoughtful and supportive replies but more often than not, no response at all. Do other people care about supporting/encouraging the success of people they know?? Probably not.

Meanwhile, I also attended the DTB meetup on Friday night. Had a nice discussion with a table of strong feminist women. Followed up with two people who had just posted to the group (so they are online). No reply. 

On Saturday, I went to the skate park for lesson 3. I’m still clunky as fuck but I’m enjoying learning a new physical (vs. mental) skill. The badasses seem to be skating faster and faster at the park so I’m having to dodge people everywhere. That said, it’s amazing to witness their tricks and mad skillz.

In other news, our contractor started on our master bath expansion last week. So far, he’s been punctual, experienced, thorough, and super tidy. I’m hoping he stays reliable and good. This week after Bubs gets back to town, the plumbers will start moving the water/gas lines to accommodate the new bathroom configuration. I can say that I’m a good project manager, but too bad I’m not earning any money from it.

Incidentally, National Puppy Day also happened some time last week. I scrolled through pictures of Remy and Martin and then started bawling my eyes out again. Yup, when it rains, it pours. I’m going to the hot tub now to calm the fuck down. I really need to get my shit together before the start of a new week.

Where is This Going?

You know how every now and then, you meet people who are super cynical and kind of a buzzkill (raising my hand now)? So I mentioned before how I recently came across a name from my childhood on the neighborhood social media site, NextDoor. Mind you, I wasn’t stalking or digging around (though I’m not beyond that) at the time: I was simply trying to find the email address of a neighbor a few doors down, whom I had just met.

Anyway, when I clicked on the “Members” list, an alphabetical roster came up and I saw this name, let’s just say it’s “Adam Bowers,” except that it was kinda a specific/unique name. Long story short, I reached out to him, he is INDEED the guy from my childhood and we made plans to meet, esp bc we now live two streets away. So I just thought it was the most interesting story about how two people from the same neighborhood, same middle/high school, both with fathers in medicine (his dad was my pediatrician), went from that small hometown all the way across the country to the same exact neighborhood in California. I mean, sure there were other details too like about me having a minor crush on him and we were in the same calculus class, blah, blah. BUT, I thought it was just an entertaining story. So when we were over for dinner recently at our very next door neighbor’s house (the one with the little girl who used to walk Martin), I told my story. And the dad just said, “Yeah, I find that nothing ever happens after those meetings. You never stay in touch or become friends or anything.” Um, I mean, I have def had my share of Debbie Downer days, but geez, way to burst my bubble, right? Where are my positive friends G and T when I need them?

Fast forward a few months and AB and his fam finally come over for wine and snacks last night. Haha, that’s my newest thing now– no dinner, just wine and snacks. It’s so much easier than cooking a full meal. Anyway, AB is married and has two kids. We had a nice time catching up. It’s funny bc he was at Duke after I left, so he and his wife are both familiar with the RDU area. They both work in tech and moved to the ‘hood the same year we did: 2010. We talked about their kids and their activities. Then I was feeling like we are nearing the end of a good conversational run… then, AB saw my skateboard by the fireplace. Incidentally, he used to be a skater, and his kids now skateboard! And he takes them to the nearby skate park— the one I’ve been meaning to scout out so I can practice. So whatdya know, now we’re talking about going over to the skate park together with the kids. AB says there’s a half pipe and he skated on it recently and crashed big time. The kids at the park even came up to ask if he was ok. Haha. Guess it had been 20+ years since he skated, but he said some of it came back. So yeah, we’ll see if that moves forward.

Later, J told me: “Yeah, they seem like really nice people but since they have kids, they don’t really have free time or adult-only time so as our conversation with them progressed, I kept thinking, ‘where is this going?'” Jesus. Who are you, my next door neighbor? I mean, I know what he’s saying. Parents, esp modern-day parents who like attend every. single. kid activity, really don’t have time for much else. So I dunno: maybe we’ll end up checking in with each other in another 10 years. That said, I just like the idea of knowing someone nearby in case of an emergency or whatever. We’ll see.

Striking a Balance

I know I say this a lot, but a lot’s been going on. Shiiit!

Work wise, this month’s training calendar at the office was especially intense. I guess the higher ups were wanting to get people into the habit of working every day during the week… I dunno. It’s been good, but I’ve been getting frustrated by the crammed training room and wonky internet connection. Half the time, the classes are supposed to be available online and on the few occasions I’ve logged in remotely, the connection doesn’t work or some component is broken (e.g. no audio) or whatever. Then, even when I go in person, the broadband is super unreliable and when we log into sites for files or contracts, we can’t access them! In the beginning, I was patient about it, but now it’s really starting to irk me. I’m going to say something to the office manager: I mean, all of us are paying monthly “business fees” to use the office, so that basic infrastructure needs to fricking work.

Meanwhile, I’m wrapping up my lender meetings. In total, I reached out to almost 30. One lender invited me to an office event with a guest speaker. I figured since it was a Big 5 bank and the talk was over lunch, there would be food and refreshments. Not a damn. thing. I was pretty surprised, but Bubs says big banks are damn cheap. Ok, that sucks. The talk itself was good: the lady was a real estate economist, so she had a bunch of insights and projections about the road ahead. I’m feeling more comfortable these days understanding and talking about the real estate market and the broader economy. In this area, real estate is def going to get tougher and tougher to crack for homebuyers at the entry-level. With interest rates going up, the amount people can afford via a loan goes down, and since housing supply is also low, there is competition among buyers. In multiple offer situations, first-time homebuyers are going to be nudged out by investors and/or people who have stronger finances and therefore stronger offers.

Speaking of harder, John made a comment the other day that he didn’t realize the inventory in Silicon Valley is so tight. That means it’s going to be even harder for newbie agents to get in the game bc there are a bunch of agents, including experienced ones, vying for a limited number of transactions. Ugh. I’m def feeling a little frustrated but I just gotta keep pounding.

Incidentally, I finally put the majority of my contacts (though not all) into my database and I crafted intro messages announcing my new career, explaining how I came into real estate, and seeking referrals to my business. I reached out to probably 150 people, and I would say I got replies from less than 15 people.  I mean, the people who replied were incredibly sweet and supportive, but still zero leads.

And one ex-colleague I knew was planning to sell his house, but he has been hard to schedule meetups with for the last few months. Honestly, I feel like he has been avoiding me. He replied to my eblast and said it was well done, but then he made no mention of his plans. I was so upset by the obvious omission of info that I started crying. That’s the hard thing about sales. There’s a TON of rejection, and when it comes from people you know and people you hope would trust you and your work, it hurts.

One of my friends tried to tell me not to take it so personally: she says that guy’s so savvy, he might be someone to just do a for sale by owner. Still, I was disheartened even if I wasn’t completely surprised. After feeling sorry for myself assuming that he just didn’t want to work with me, I gathered the courage to just ask him flat out: What are your plans? If you aren’t already working with an agent, I’d love to work together. Then no reply for a few more days. I felt so down about myself. And then he finally replied that he and the wife were holding on to the property for another year. Still, no mention that he would use me when the time came…

But that just has to be enough. All I can do is work hard, build my skills, and make the ask. I can’t force people. Ultimately, it is their choice.

So see? I still struggle with these insecurities. Despite all the desensitization exercises I have done– putting myself in uncomfortable situations, dangling myself out there, subjecting myself to strangers and old acquaintances, testing my sociability, my likability, my attractiveness, my charisma, etc.– some days it really is exhausting, and I end up feeling lame. At 40, I def feel more confident and less susceptible to caring about what other people think, but still, there will always be a piece of me that worries about being competent, engaging, and likable… I think it’s human nature, no? I try to remind myself that I’m a good person who is genuinely curious and caring and helpful. But I dunno: I could always use a few mini affirmations to persuade me that I’m moving in the right direction.

Sheesh. All these mental weaknesses are such hindrances. They set me back and cause me to lose momentum, and WHY do I allow that to happen? My managing broker (the surfer dude) is an incredibly confident guy. To the people who don’t respond and don’t offer any support, he simply says, “Who cares? You need to find your tribe. Your tribe is people who believe in you– people who want you to succeed.” I suppose he’s right. And maybe with real estate, the people you mesh with don’t necessarily have to be your friends. In other words, your friends and clients can be the same but don’t HAVE to be. Yup, overthinking it.

Last week I met with a lender and her loan officer. I talked with them about various areas where I thought we could work together. Do you hold homebuying seminars or community education events? No. Do you host open houses with agents? No. Do you want to do any co-branded outreach? No. Ok then. I mean, how are they planning to retain and/or build clientele for purchase loans? It was a total waste of time. And God, I had been back and forth trying to schedule the meeting for weeks. All for nothing. And then at my office, I don’t click with any of the other agents on a friend level. So I go into the office like every weekday and there is no connection. I mean, I like the broker and I like my coach, but they aren’t really people you would go to lunch with or hang out on weekends. Dud.

Needless to say, I’ve been feeling a little frustrated, so I am turning to my hobbies again to try and regain some perspective. Skateboarding class no. 2 was fun. I am super awkward and clunky with my kickturns. Plus, the skatepark is totally overrun by a bunch of legit badasses zooming around all over, doing their tricks and stunts… Whatever. I enjoy focusing on learning something physical. Reminds me a bit of the focus/intensity I had when horseback riding. I want to start that up again. Too many interests!

 

Kindness of Strangers

My friend K has always said that true friends become apparent in times of sickness. In her example, her nephew got very sick years ago, and she explains that as she shared the news amongst her circles, so many people said absolutely nothing. Like no reply. And that’s when she realized who she needed to cut out of her life.

When she made that statement, I remembered thinking that she was really unforgiving. I mean, who knows what other people are dealing with in their own lives and certainly, there has been a time or two when I didn’t know what to say to horrible news from an acquaintance. Perhaps K was just being too judgy. In my younger years, I was certainly of that same nature: people needed to be accountable for their behavior, goddamnit! And I would judge them without remorse, bc things were very black and white to me back then.

As I got older, I became more flexible, more willing to consider other circumstances, more willing to grant the benefit of the doubt. I took things less personally. It was a conscious change, bc I thought my personality needed it: I was feeling too many negative thoughts from it.

But in the last few years as our family has encountered death on numerous occasions and to varying degrees of abruptness, I can say that I have felt incredibly disappointed and hurt by the lack of response from people I consider friends.

I mean, clearly I have a history of being disappointed with my friends and acquaintances. I’ve probably detailed the various scenarios ad nauseam. In the past, it was little shit though. Work-related crap. An introduction here or there. To me, a very minor request that is NBD. For whatever reason, people didn’t get to it. Or maybe they didn’t feel comfortable and rather than just telling me so, they just ignored my requests.

For example, with two friends who used to work in the mortgage industry, I asked them to consider introducing me to their old contacts, just bc it’s always easier to set up meetings with “linked” people vs. absolute strangers, right? I mean, I’d already gotten a bunch of lender “doughnut drops” under my belt and I wasn’t above doing those random walk-ins, but to boost my likelihood of getting referrals, I thought this secondary approach would be helpful in conjunction. So like I hit up our own lender whom we used when buying the houseboat; I also met with a lender my friend M used; then, I met with the mortgage broker who handled all our refis… those meetings were helpful and insightful! Anyway, I never heard back. And it wasn’t just some canned email I sent them either: I spent time thinking back to when we last left off, what was new with them… what’s new with me. That shit takes time. And mind you, it’s ALWAYS me checking in on them. Me initiating everything and anything. I shared that Marty died before Christmas. NO. REPLY. I followed up a month later in January. Apologies and then again, no material form of help. That kind of behavior is incredibly hurtful and disappointing. Sure, my trainers keep telling us that sales and marketing is about sifting through piles and piles of dirt to find your gold. You have to find your tribe. You’ll meet tons of people, and you won’t click with lots of them. You have to move fast, not dwell on the rejection or the mismatch, and keep searching for your kind of people. Sure, I get the numbers game. I understand that there’s no time to waste in getting upset. And I can even understand the benefit of having a thicker skin when dealing with lack of response or flat out rejection (um, been there, done that years ago in Phase I).

But I suppose the thing that bothers me is that a lot of these people WERE my tribe– people with whom I thought there really was a genuine connection, people who I worked very hard to value and honor and help in whatever way I could. Not bc I knew I would seek business or help from them in the future, but bc I believe in helping my friends, and by extension, helping friends of friends. And honestly, between the death of Cormac, our friend Chuck, Remy, Mo, Martin, and my father-in-law, it breaks my heart to have the saddest of news fall on deaf ears. I cannot tell you how many people not only did not reply within like 48 hours but they NEVER replied. With my typical naivete, I was so incredulous by their zero response that I even dared to follow up: Did you get my email??? Oh yes, sorry for your loss.

Sigh. Who does that? I mean, don’t make me beat it out of you or anything! These encounters are hard to accept, bc it’s not just simple rejection from a stranger. It almost feels like a kind of betrayal. Is it our modern society being desensitized to death? Are people really THAT busy? I’m flabbergasted. In my heart of hearts, I still believe them to be good people who mean no harm, and yet what a cold and insensitive reaction. SMH.

On the plus side, many of my close friends were immediate on hearing the news. They gave us space but also checked in. I will say too that I have been pleasantly surprised by the kindness of strangers. I had to cancel a bunch of meetings, and one lender who recently lost her mother in the fall– also suddenly and abruptly— wrote me the kindest email offering a shoulder to cry on. We had only met one time at an association mixer and she was so gracious. Similarly, Ramona’s parents: the supportive messages and gifts… it helped restore some small faith in humanity. Sigh.

Mountain Retreat

Well, I’m finally back to my Silicon Valley bubble. I’m pretty proud of myself for surviving five days and four nights in one of the most uninhabitable places on Earth. Think I’m exaggerating? Um, it was 5 degrees our first morning there. I was consistently dressed in three layers on the bottom and 5+ layers on the top, not to mention gloves, hats, multiple socks. Whew, I am glad to be home.

Other than the elements, the trip was a good time. There were seven of us total… two couples and three single gals. Except for me, all the ladies were connected to Nathalie via veterinary school at St. George’s in Grenada. Their grad class was 2005, so they’ve all been out in the real world practicing for over ten years already. I pretty much got along with everyone there… Initially, I was on the quiet side, getting acclimated to the altitude (7500 ft.) and the cold and I mean, being the odd man out. The spouses of the two gals were one quiet and one extroverted, but man, we were from all over! Nathalie is a small animal vet in North Carolina, then one couple ran a beef cattle ranch in Minnesota (the wife is a slaughterhouse inspector for the USDA), another couple lived in Florida (the vet is a surgeon), and then the other lady was an ER vet in South Carolina. It’s pretty funny, bc as with any group, there’s a quieter one, a feisty and opinionated one, and then more accommodating personalities. According to them, vets tend to be Type A personalities, and from the get go, I knew I was running in a different crowd bc I didn’t have to plan a damn thing! All the logistics were worked out, and anytime there was a question or point of confusion, the other people jumped without a second’s hesitation to ask the resort staff and get answers immediately. So different from traveling with Bubs, you know? Haha.

At one point, one of them asked me how I felt being thrown into their group. Was it awkward or weird? I was like, “Um, I have a very long history of social awkwardness so it is not a big deal being the odd person out. That’s practically my life story.” Truth.

Some other interesting observations. This was my first time doing an all-inclusive resort package kind of thing. We had the biggest lodge on campus, the Ridgetop at the top of the hill. That place was MONSTER, and everything worked out such that we all had our own rooms with even a full suite to spare. The Discovery package included lodging, meals, ski/snowshoe rentals, the sleigh ride, shuttles to the airport one hour away… it was pretty sweet and given the amount of amenities we used and the food we consumed, I think it was well worth what we paid. It is esp nice not having to figure out the bill at the end of each meal and tip and what not.

On the other hand, bc everything was included, the bargain side of me kicked in, and I’m sure we easily consumed 6000+ calories a day. The food was delicious but it was cowboy fare, so lots of (gourmet) meat and starches. Four days straight of that diet, and it’s enough to kill you. Seriously, my clothes were getting tighter and tighter day by day. When I complained to Bubbey, he replied, “Well, I don’t see anybody shoveling all that food down your piehole.” Touche, Mr. Tough Love. No sympathy there.

Sure, we participated in a lot of intense activities: a morning sleigh ride, three hours of snowshoeing, x-country skiing, hot tubbing, plus all the trudging up and down the hill from our lodge… Nevertheless, I know we weren’t even close to breaking even on the calories. Oh well. Detox begins today.

My biggest conclusion from the adventure? I really do hate the snow and cold. Like in the past, I thought maybe I could live in Chicago or Vancouver or something. Nope, I am no longer deluded. Yeah sure, the landscape is majestic and beautiful, but shit, I cannot be inconvenienced with having to spend ten extra minutes putting the layers on and off. It’s a good thing N and I go way back (7th grade!), bc I really don’t think I’m doing that ever again. Just saying. I like the mountains, but I’m never going in the winter. Note to self. Mark my words.

My fav part of the trip was def the dog sledding, despite my propensity for near-death experiences. On day 1, when we went down to the dining lodge for breakfast, we all dressed light(er), bc we said we would eat and go back to the lodge to layer up. As it turned out, we were accosted by the Montana Tourism Bureau in the breakfast hall: they were shooting video of a sleigh ride and needed riders. Oh yeah, sure, we’re game.

Um, it turned into 90 minutes in the freezing cold, on a shaded path through the forest. I must have looked super frozen, bc the Bureau dude who sat next to me asked if I was ok and then he gave me the handwarmer packets from inside his gloves to put into mine. I mean, I must have looked totally blue. I thought I was going to get frostbite and have to amputate my toes. It was so fucking cold. I was like, Here you go Nathalie. I chopped off my toes. Happy bday! Yes, I was being dramatic, but shit, my body was shutting down.

Day 2, N hit the slopes with a few people, and then the remaining three of us went snowshoeing. I tried my best to manage expectations: I’m good for 90 minutes in the snow, I told them. Well, our adventure took 3 hours. Yup, you can’t ever trust the whiteys. SMH. And snowshoeing is so much work going uphill. A few times, I mis-stepped off the trail and my whole leg got engulfed in snow. Who lives in these conditions??? I mean, here’s the thing. If you live in a place where– should your car break down and you are unable to reach help– you will DIE in an hour, it’s not a place for humans. Am I right? Whether it’s the cold or the desert… think about it. You pretty much HAVE to have special equipment or electricity or you die.

Anyway, I liked the two ladies I went snowshoeing with. We had fun, and I liked hearing about different vet cases and patients and such. One lady her mom is a travel agent, so I was asking all sorts of scoop on that. For the beef rancher, she pretty much confirmed that ranch life is not glamorous at. all. I had a hunch before, but I’m now wholeheartedly convinced that farm life is never gonna be Bub’s and my thing. We’re just a tad too soft and too deluxe and too city. I gotta be honest with myself, you know? Waking up at the butt crack of dawn to clean stalls and shovel shit… not my thing. I can’t even get up and go to the gym and that place has a heated pool and sauna!!!

Day 3 we decided to use more amenities and sign up for x-country skiing. I thought maybe it would be something in between alpine skiing and snow shoeing. OMFG, those damn skis. Who can keep from stepping on them?!? And that sliding motion is so goddamn unnatural. I hated x-country, and again, we were out on those trails for like 3 hours. I started to get SUPER cranky and I was at the end of the pack. Fucking two days of death marching in the damn snow.

Day 4 was dog sledding. When we turned up, one of the staffers was this huge burly guy. His face was so red– like bluish-frostbitten red. I ain’t about that life. They had like 90 doggies– all dirty and rugged, pooping and peeing everywhere. I mean, it was good exposure for me bc too often I’m like living in the Disneyfied version of the world, apparently. But I mean, that dude and those dogs– that was true ruggedness.

The sledding was really unique and cool. We split off into groups and I started as a rider in the sled, then later we switched and I was the driver. I had TWO incidents where I fell off the fucking sled. The second time, I still grabbed on for dear life and the dogs dragged me along. It reminded me of those times I tried to get up the wall at the Ninja Warrior gym. I just dangled there for fucking ever. Yup, the sledding incidents were embarrassing, but whatev. Yet another awkward moment for the books! Like I said earlier: I’m not rated for this godforsaken place. It just continued the theme.

The other eyeopening thing about this trip? I re-affirmed that I am a big time curmudgeon. The whole time, everyone in the group was so chipper and happy and excited about being there. From the get go, they were like, we should have booked this place for a WEEK or TWO! And they were like, we gotta do this every year…. Say what, Willis? It was just funny the contrast. I mean, I was happy to be there bc I mean, it’s N’s big 4-0. And the place was beautiful, but more days? And a return trip in the winter? Hell no. And I am def not nearly as expressive as her other friends. I realized that I’m kinda like my parents that way… stoical and just not that happy or positive about anything. Am I going down that path? Perhaps. Or maybe I’ll just hold steady where I am. See? Too much fucking self-reflection.

Anyway, here are the pics. Big Sky, Montana. Cross it off the list. :)[FAG id=7501]

Making Time for Fun

Now that my hustling has kicked into high gear, my calendars are starting to look a bit unruly. I have so many appointments, trainings, and events in there that I now use timeblocks to show my open lunch and dinner slots. I know, this sounds like a humblebrag. It’s not, but you know how I am about my Google calendars. I’m subscribed to two feeds for the office, so there’s a ton of shit that auto populates. Thankfully, I don’t go to everything single office activity… I go to A LOT, but not all.

For  MLK I took some time out to chill. I spent most of the day with my bud M in her neck of the woods. We grabbed lunch (she found a delicious Mexican taqueria via a walk-by– I know, I can’t even recall the last time I did that! I’m all OCD with using Yelp!). Afterwards, we hit up a Chinese foot spa… a decent spot with good ambiance and only $25!! We’ll need to patronize both businesses again.

I enjoy learning things from my friends. Even though I’m constantly researching shit for myself (J calls me the Tea Researcher– the name of a tea shop from back in the day in Shanghai) and now I also do it for my job (vetting contractors and vendors and such), I like discovering new spots from other people. I mean, sometimes people have different standards or criteria (esp with restaurants), but these two places were solid. MK also turned me on to voice-activated Phillips Hue lights, which I thought were interesting in their technological advancement…

On learning about them, I made the mistake of mentioning to Bubbey and shit, Bubs isn’t about to get behind on the home automation trend… So now we have the Hue lights, controlled by our Alexa. Sheesh. How extraneous can we be!?!?! Ah well, live it up while we can, I suppose.

Bubbey is doing well. He’s really getting into that leatherworking intensive course he’s taking in SF. He came home last week with a leather wallet he made, all hand-stitched. I was impressed. Since he started the class though, Amazon has been to the house nearly every. damn. day, dropping off leatherworking tools, materials, and supplies. The Houseboat is running out of space!

In other news, we are still meeting with contractors for the bathroom remodel, bc the job kinda takes us down the rabbit hole. The bathroom work will involve plumbing work, potentially all new gas lines for the house, and then possibly a new roof (gas lines puncture through the roof). Yup, 2017 might just be the year of the Houseboat Money Pit. And with all this torrential rain we’ve been getting, we’re lucky the drought is over but shit, I need to be reminded (really soon) of the reasons why we’re paying a premium to live here! In other words, bring on the sunshine!!

What else. My animal shelter drive is going well. It’s been great too for reconnecting with my old Rover clients. Last weekend, I made two house calls to pick up gifted goods. I reunited with Bubble Boy (Sparky) as well as Cody. In both cases, it was really nice to catch up with their mommies too. That’s the cool thing about Rover: I’ve met some really nice people. Speaking of which, my current daycare client is a legit regular. I think his parents are seriously seeking 20 days/month for daycare. If I continue with this doggie and also resume daycare with my former (whippet) client, that’s a decent small stream of “passive” income! Yup, I’ve been attending a lot of networking events lately, and shit, I want a better handle over my finances. That’s what the experts say: too often women just obsess about saving, but they don’t really think about growing their money and about passive income streams… that’s how you really build a cushion and generate wealth. More goals. More to dos!

Stilettos and Clubs

Oh my, it’s been another hectic week. Things started off kinda crappy bc of my lingering cold. At Bubbey’s urging, I called the advice nurse line at Kaiser to see if 10+ days with a sore throat seemed right to them. The nurse was super nice and she said she was battling the same nasty cold herself… there is nothing you can do except continue with the honey/lemon/hot water concoction, suck on throat lozenges, bundle up, and protect your throat from exposure to anything extreme like cold outside air or blasts of dry hot air from indoor heaters. Then, she specifically said, wear a scarf and cover your mouth from these extremes. Omfg, my parents and their constant nagging were right about everything once again! Wtf. I said that to the lady and she cracked up. I mean, every time my parents tell me all this shit, I just roll my eyes. Now I waited on hold for ten minutes to hear the same info from a professional. SMH.

Meanwhile, our poor friend A who invited us to Pasadena… she’s on two different inhalers plus two different antibiotics and she was ordered to stay home on bed rest for another week. Really bad.

Work wise, I tried really hard to get back on track this week. There were a host of trainings and meetings. I met another newbie who was one month in and she had already started meeting with loan officers. And then I realized that, in some way or another, I was procrastinating with that shit. Oh hell no, I am not going to be outworked by another newb. So that afternoon, I reached out to several loan officers and booked appointments. It’s Gou time, mother fuckers.

I scheduled five appointments for the next seven days, and then I’m also planning random drop ins too. One super high producing loan officer at a credit union called me back and invited me to either meet at the office and get a tour and meet the underwriters, OR we could meet at the Capital Club after work where he could book a booth for us. Don’t get the wrong idea: I wasn’t creeped out by it or anything, but I was thinking to myself: what the heck is the Capital Club? Holy crap, that’s how real power players roll. Shit, I am NOT ready!!! Thankfully, I was able to think fast and just opt to see the office and meet the team. After I got off the phone, though. The CC is a country club… like members only kind of place. Oh man, another reminder that real estate can be a fancy world. Shit. I gotta step my shit up!

Which brings me to another issue. I have to revisit my style. I mean, I’m certainly not the frumpiest in the lot of agents, but I’m also not A game. This line of work is def dressier than anywhere else I’ve ever been, including the stodgy environmental engineering firm from back in the day. The ladies who look nice have their shit together: hair, makeup, nails, jewelry. I am seeing a lot of expensive bags and shoes– big time heels, like 3-inch stilettos!!! Needless to say, I’m feeling a little stressed and pressured about this image game, esp bc my skin has been super wonky (exacerbated by all the recent itchiness and flea bite sensitivities), my hair is a mess (I’m growing out part of the shaved head), and I’ve been avoiding dresses and skirts due to the wet and cold. I mean, it’s fine. I’ll just have to figure out my own style, which will probably be more casual than the industry standard but dressier than my current. Yet another thing to deal with on an already lengthy list. Sheesh.

In other news, I met up yesterday with my airplane friend L who was in town for work. He used to be the GM of a healthcare software startup in SF, but he left there and is now the CEO of a software company in the South Bay. That’s great news for me, bc when he flies in, he and his team stay in MV bc that’s where their developers are. No more coordinating meet ups in the city. Anyway, I met him and his colleague who’s from Puerto Rico. In some ways, I feel like L and I are kindred spirits. We have a lot of random similarities. For example, we both share a love and fascination with emotional/ social intelligence, personality types, and leadership skills. He’s teaching two classes part time at Catholic University, and he was lamenting about how people no longer care about written communication… how the students’ writing is shit bc longform is dead. I mean, isn’t that just what I’ve been complaining about? How people don’t want to email anymore bc it’s too time consuming. Texting and social media are all about the shortest, punchiest lines. 

Sadly, I also learned that he put down his 16-y/o dog a week ago. Like Marty, his Pomeranian had kidney disease and he and the wife were doing the homemade meals and supplements and subcutaneous fluids… He’s also devastated by the loss.

In a lighter vein, L also has the Southwest Companion Pass, which I suppose isn’t that surprising considering we met on a Southwest flight to Phoenix three or four years ago. Isn’t it kinda uncanny all the coincidences? I will say, I was very happy to be the person clueing him in about Southwest’s reliatively new direct route from SJC-BWI. For all his flights out to California (his family lives in MD), he’s been suffering through connecting flights just to fly on Southwest. Now his trips will be so much easier. Anyway, it was a good catchup and I expect we’ll see each other more frequently in the future.

CT Scan

So mom got a CAT scan done last week, and the scan def showed differences compared with the scan she had done about 18 months ago. The physician says one area looks like a possible contusion (bruise/injury) and the other area seems like grayish matter. Not exactly sure what the term was since I’m relying what he explained to my father. My father tends to get into all kinds of details, but I’m not the greatest listener, esp when I’m sick. The bottom line is, she’s scheduled now for an MRI and they’re hoping the higher resolution imagery coupled with contrast dyes to see brain circulation will give us more information.

I’m feeling pretty frustrated and vulnerable these days. I know how important it is to maintain a positive attitude… I mean, after all those damn courses I’ve taken, I of anyone, know how critical mental toughness is. And yet, I’m just not there today.

For one thing, I’m still fighting this cold. Our friend A during our trip to Pasadena spoke about constitutions– how some people are just more prone to sickness than others no matter how well they take care of themselves. Ugh. And I’m not exactly the greatest to my body and my health.

Yesterday, our neighbors had us over for dinner. It was really sweet of them: we hadn’t seen them since the day before we said goodbye to Marty. I was annoyed that they hadn’t said anything to me after knowing that we had put him down (in fact, when they were over visiting him one last time, the mom kept offering to care for him the one day she would be home over holiday break… after we had already told her our decision). I dunno. People say we all handle death and grief and loss differently.

I was also super disappointed by people who learned of Martin’s death and said absolutely nothing. Like my former boss from the university. She dropped me an email like “thinking of you and hoping all is good.” I replied within hours that we put Martin down and then no response. I mean, are you emailing me and then not reading the reply? Did you feel bad and want to take more time to craft a sensitive response and then just forgot? Honestly, I am appalled by this kind of bullshit and yet, it’s not the first time I have encountered this. And that was like weeks ago. Still not a damn word. Whatever. SMH. People really do irk my nerves.

In other news, I put two more trips on the books for 2017. We’re headed to Cabo for John’s bday in early March. Then, we’re meeting my college friend and his gal in Nashville in May. Meanwhile, I am gearing up for N’s 40th bday bash in Big Sky, MT, where I just saw the temps were -10F last week. I know. I am ordering some serious heavy duty thermals. Granted, I have been in colder temps in my life (Harbin, China at -25F or so for the Ice Festival). But again, that was over ten years ago when I was younger and stronger and probably still of weak constitution but at least more resilient than today. 🙁

Pasadena

J and I flew into Burbank last Thursday to meet up with his former coworker and friend A. She is originally from Burbank, and she invited us to join her for the Rose Parade, an item on her bucket list. Unfortunately, she’d fallen ill a few days before and then J woke up with a sore throat the day we were to fly down… None of this foiled our plans, but it just made the experience a little less enjoyable.

A is an executive assistant/chief of staff for a tech company, so she’s a planner. And oh boy was it nice to have everything all booked and researched before we got there! I just had to get our air ticket (Companion Pass FTW) and rental car, and then as soon as we touched down, A had already researched places for lunch. What a nice change of pace!

The AirBnb she booked was super adorbs… it was a renovated garage in a very cute part of town in Pasadena. The only thing was, it was a studio (murphy bed + pullout couch) which A didn’t realize and it was very cold inside. There was a hot tub and pool but the hot tub was drained and the pool was unheated. Otherwise, it was a great place… just with the unseasonably cold weather and rain, I was basically chilled to the bone for three days.

Still, we saw all kinds of things: drove through old town Pasadena, did a drive-by to CalTech, checked out Christmas Tree Lane in a wealthy part of town (classy, not obnoxious lights), hit up Huntington Gardens and Griffith Observatory. We saw a lot in just a few short days. And I really like southern California: it’s much more artsy/creative and socio-economically diverse… meaning there are so many more venues for art (I mean, I guess Hollywood is not far) and not EVERYONE is in software/tech like people disproportionately are in Silicon Valley. Housing is still pricey but less so (I had my realtor apps open the whole time), and food is like consistently good and cheaper! That’s right: I’m planting the seed now. LA is a possibility for future places to live!

Btw, A turned us on to an incredibly delicious drink: we hit up the BevMo and made this every. single. day. The Archer’s Peppermint Patty is no fucking joke. You gotta make it!

We attended the Rose Parade our final day in LA. Pretty cool experience, and I’m glad it was on A’s bucket list, bc it’s not something we would have otherwise done. Ever. Funny though: A is so much more gregarious and vocal than J and I are. For example, with every float, she was so excited and full of compliments and positivity. J and I were just quiet– like the shit was cool for sure, but there are similarities from float to float and more top of mind for me than anything, was that I was FREEZING my ass off.

Traveling with other people, you also realize just how different we all are. Like at the airport, one agent was handling inquiries from passengers at two different gates… she was really good about managing the queue and providing customer service: She would manage expectations by saying hold on: lemme get these passengers onto their flight departing now, and then I’ll help this couple, then this group, then you. Thank you for your patience.

She was super pleasant and nice the whole time. After she helped us, J and I said thanks and walked away. But A like REALLY thanked the agent: Thanks for processing all of us and you were so pleasant managing all those simultaneous requests… you are great at what you do!

And while me relaying what A said might sound too much or insincere, it was totally natural and genuine. I really took that as a reminder that you can never really acknowledge people enough. Gratitude is a beautiful thing and I hope that I can learn to express it more often.[FAG id=7500]