Category Archives: Friends

Beach Bummin’

Today was another gorgeous day in paradise. By the time I woke up at 7am, the entire living room was already filled with sunlight. So beautiful and energizing. P was up already studying (her usual mode these days), and we kicked off the morning with fresh juice, yogurt, and fruit. We planned to do yoga on Ocean Beach at 11 (I told you this is the life!), but around 10:30a, her buds C & N called inviting me to breakfast. Haha, yeah I had already eaten breakfast but heck, that didn’t stop me from going out for round 2. I scarfed down an entire egg sandwich. I had a great time catching up with C & N. They are such good listeners. Probably too good even, because I never seem to shut the fuck up after I get started with them.

After we returned from breakfast, P joined us for a bike ride along the water. Yup, the weather could not have been more perfect. I borrowed their neighbor’s bad ass, monster beach cruiser (in matte black, of course), and we were like a fucking gang– the four of us cruising down the bike path. Beach livin’, I tell you: it’s goddamn luxurious.

After the ride, P went to class, so I tagged along with C & N on a trip to South Coast Mall– yup, an uber souped up shopping destination near Irvine. Shiit, we went into the Tiffany’s, and holy crap, I had no idea people actually frequented that store!! The place was packed!! And the salespeople were on it. I must have been approached like 4 times in 15 minutes. Couldn’t they see that I was wearing a cheapie Forever 21 pleather jacket? I can’t be affording their jewelry and baubles?!?! Sheesh!

What else. We scoped out a tattoo parlor near The Camp. I am continuing my tattoo portfolio research. Ugh, this is the second shop I have visited only to be disappointed by the level of detail. At this rate, I’m thinking I’ll have to go to an artist featured on one of the tv shows. Who wants to bother with messy lines and ugly designs? I have no idea how the steps will appear towards my tattoo dreams.

Btw, we had some interesting conversation at dinner tonight. Over a tasty meal at the local Vietnamese pho shop, we talked reproductive ailments and conditions. I suppose the topic was fresh on P’s mind following her 3-hr nursing school lecture. Our poor waiter, I dunno how many times he swung by the table only to hear dinner-inappropriate terms like vagina, douching, discharge, and halitosis being thrown around casually. Guess that’s what happens when you dine with a nursing student, a medical translator, and medical office ops manager. Apparently nothing is off limits with these ladies! Yup. All my friends are fucking hard core. Step off if you can’t handle it!

Random

Now that I’m home, I’m back to doing what I do best: relationship cultivation/management. Haha, I know, it’s an odd term, but seriously, I think it’s one of my best strengths. As I’ve been going through this “life crisis” for the past year, trying to figure out what the hell I should do with my life, I often joke to John that I wish I could just be a professional friend. I just love connecting with my peeps. And I think I’m pretty good about staying up on all their business: like I know when they travel, what appointments they have, what life milestones are coming up, what important work events are on the horizon… really, I have a whole separate Google calendar just to keep up with what’s happening in their lives. I’m a tracking maniac, but in a helpful way, I hope. 😉

Anyhow, I made a new friend this past year at work. He’s kinda someone I would never really expect to be friends with (due to age, politics, background), except that he’s a cowboy. And I’m not throwing that word around to describe my own Mickey Mouse wannabe cowgirl antics. No, this dude comes from generations of ranchers in California, and he has enough champion rodeo belt buckles to bedazzle my house. Naturally, as my cowgirl obsession has intensified over the last few years, I somehow managed to weasel my way into his circle of acquaintances. It’s been a lot of work, I tell ya. In fact, I think it’s been probably 6 months now, with me trying to get him to 1) teach me lassoing, 2) give me some rodeo bling, and 3) take me out for a ride at the family ranch.

So as I was saying, it’s my first week back in town, and I decided to do some relationship cultivation, aka chipping away at this dude. I dropped him an email– to what I thought was a new personal email address– but I got this reply instead. Completely unexpected, but I have to say, a pleasant surprise. Maybe I just really like when people say I’m fun. Haha. It’s nice when random incidents in life just make me smile.


My email:

Hey cowboy,

Haha, you thought I was finally outta your hair, right? Wrong!! I just gave you a 2-week respite while I frolicked around North Carolina and Italy. Yup, this life of leisure is damn hard work!John and I had a great time in Italy except for the part where I got sick on the journey home. Cold/flu or something. I hope to be back in action 100% tomorrow. I didn’t think this was possible, but I overdosed on pasta. For realz.So now that I’m back from all my adventures, I’m ready for an adventure on the ranch. Hook me up, bro. 😉 Haha. I told you I’m persistent. Btw, how’s your consulting company shaping up? I might need to pick your brain on starting up a consulting biz. Show me the ropes!!

So hey, some of us from work are going to the Grand National Rodeo on Friday at the Cow Palace. Are you competing this year? If so, hopefully you’re competing Friday, and we’ll be able to cheer you on.

What else is cookin’? Fill me in on some dirt, would ya? Now that I’m unemployed, I got super slim pickins re: gossip. Help a gal out!
V


The reply:

Well, partner, I reckon my rodeo days are all washed up. LOL, actually I never had any rodeo daze…

Sorry, I suspect you sent this e-mail to me by accident? Do we know each other, and I’m being dense? (definitely a possibility)

Curiously, I was in Italy last week myself. We probably passed each other in the Cinque Terre or Umbria/Tuscany. In any event, you sound like a fun person and an entertaining soul. So, if we don’t know each other, entirely my own loss, I’m sure. If we’ve met in the Bay Area scene somewhere, though, please do remind me.

Ciao.

Honoring our Histories

My trip to Wilmington really reminded me of something my friend G once shared: You can’t make new old friends. How true. My week-long reunion with N really highlighted how with old friends, you can lose touch and become separated by distance, but when you meet again, it’s just like old times.

I think for most of us, our childhood and adolescent years are such formative periods in shaping who we become as adults… N was there when I had my nervous breakdowns in middle school, she was there when I was bullied, when I had daily shouting matches/cry fests/confrontations with my parents over their strict style of parenting, when my relationship with my brother was great and then shitty then estranged. She taught me about tampons, she introduced me to theater (Miss Saigon at the Kennedy Center), she helped shave my head (inverted bob) before my second date with John in downtown Frederick… and she learned to read me so well– to clue in on cues without me even saying a word. When she picked me up this last time at the airport, she pulled up to the curb with the music blasting per her usual method of enjoying the tunes, but as soon as I got in, she turned that shit waaay down. She remembered that my volume threshold is super low.

And even as we have made different choices as adults, I see that she still pays real attention and observes my (and other people’s) reactions. As a 30-something, I have grown much more flexible about pushing my boundaries and stepping outside of my comfort zone, but even though I have the capacity to do that, N recognizes these actions as conscious adjustments, and she considerately doesn’t let my discomfort sit for too long. Another example: She knows that, even though I am currently unemployed by choice, it’s a difficult situation for me to not feel productive or purposed or useful. She seemed to know just what to say to lend that bit of reassurance. These are the gestures, the spoken and unspoken words, the considerations that come largely with time, with really seeing and understanding another person. I am reminded that old friendships and relationships are truly treasures to cultivate, cherish, and honor. I am thankful.

Wilmington Whirlings

At the end of September, I visited my old bud N in Wilmington, NC. N and I have been friends since the 7th grade, so we go waaay back, kicking it old school. Both of us went to college in NC, but I hadn’t been to her coastal college town in well over ten years. After her father passed away several years ago, her mom sold the house in MD and also moved south, about 20 minutes away from N.

Certainly, N and I have had our struggles in the 23 years of our friendship, but I have to say, this trip was so good for both of us. For the first time in probably a decade, she seemed happy, and wow, I could see just how much her life and attitude have changed after losing over 100 lbs. I’ve never really struggled with weight issues, but I imagine the paralysis she experienced before was similar to what I had felt when I had severe, disfiguring cystic acne: I never wanted to leave the house; I felt so ugly and undeserving of love and attention. When my skin cleared in my 30s, I felt so liberated: I wanted to try and do everything! N wanted to dress up; she wanted to go out; she wanted to live the life she had always wanted to live. I feel so happy seeing her like this: energetic, curious, optimistic, and open. It’s hard not to be in awe. John kinda explained it like this: so many times, we are told that people don’t change. We can spend our whole damn lives wishing and wanting those we love to improve their situations and circumstances. It is true– they have to be ready for the change, but goddamn, just when you’re ready to give up, to just let them be, to begrudgingly accept the choices they have made for themselves, they really can surprise you and blow your fucking socks off. I have witnessed so many examples of people pulling through for themselves. The human will is so amazingly resilient and fierce!! My friend M. Her mother smoked like two packs a day for decades. Then, she quit one day. Cold turkey. Just decided it was time. Another friend: she was severely depressed. For months, she couldn’t get out of bed. Then one day, she decided to get up and go outside. Maybe the transformation isn’t as black/white as I describe: maybe behind the scenes, there is a slow and gradual progression, but  geez, you just never really know when that one nugget will motivate someone to take the reins and change his/her life for the better. I feel freshly inspired by the incredible strength of people I know.

In other respects, this trip to coastal Carolina was just so nice. We met up with some old acquaintances, visited our old stomping grounds (Bald Head Island), and I met some new faces. A few observations: I have to say, the contrast of being outside of the Silicon Valley bubble is quite noticeable. That flight from Atlanta to Wilmington? It had like no minorities on it. Interestingly, when I got off the plane and waited for N at the airport curbside, a redheaded cub came up to me and said, “Excuse me, but has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?” I know, wth right?? Totally unaccustomed to this kind of attention, I froze and was immediately unable to make eye contact. “Ummmm, uh no, but thank you. That’s very kind of you to say.” Jesus Christ, am I a robot or what? I mean, given the way I responded, you would have NO IDEA that his compliment made my day. 🙂 Although, I’m pretty convinced he was just drawn to me, because I had my “exotic” Asian thing going. Haha. Oh well, I’ll take what I can get!

Omg, my trip also reiterated how undeniably, I really am my father’s daughter. When my parents visited J and me in September, dad fixed everything possible in the house: the air conditioning insert, shelving, yard stuff, etc. Turns out, I had the same compulsions at N’s house. I fixed her broken shower head; I updated her computer and installed new software; I set up a wifi network; I re-mounted the broken alarm transmitter… what can I say, I like to be useful and get shit done.  Shrug.

Other than all the running around and going out, we also spent a good bit of time just catching up. I gleaned some interesting veterinary scoop from N: how to express anal sacs, the location of feline gonads, the affinity some doggies have for pacifier nipples, the process of euthanasia. Yeah, I keep telling myself, I’ll be ready when it’s R&M’s time to go, but shiiit, listening to the wind down process? I’m going to lose my shit. For realz. It just is what it is. Why can’t my puppies live forever. Why??

What else. Oh, N is buds with a bluegrass band in Wilmington. They weren’t playing the week I was in town, so the bassist invited a few of us to his house for their practice session. I haven’t listened much to bluegrass, but it’s a happy style of music, which can be a pleasant change from my usual depressing, melancholic alternative tunes. The musicians play mandolin, banjo, guitar, and bass. I chatted up the banjo player afterwards and peppered him with questions about his finger picks. He probably thought I was weird. Check out their band: Massive Grass. A nice group of guys.

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