Category Archives: Family

Tripping in Taiwan

We did actually have some fun on this trip to Taiwan. My relatives planned a couple of trip itineraries and we saw some new destinations.

One day we went up to the northern part of Tainan (the city where my eldest aunt and her family lives) and checked out Zengwen Reservoir, the largest in Taiwan. The day was hotter and muggier than hell, but seeing all the elderfolk manage the heat just fine, J and I obviously couldn’t complain. This is where we ate at the café (where dad didn’t want to take in our fruit) and also took a boat ride to see feral pigs. The pig experience was kinda weird. As we approached the shore, the boat captain blasted Andreas Bocelli… it felt weirdly Godfather-ish or something, like we were soon to be fed to flesh-eating pigs. We shared the ferry ride with a huge group, like a tour group of old folks. They were probably the same age as my parents and aunts/uncle, and they were such a lively bunch. Sigh. Elder years done right, I think: Traveling with your friends, staying active. I know, tsk, tsk, tsk. I’m so judgey with my parents. What can I say, they’re doing it all wrong! Haha.

The other big destination was Taitung, the lower eastern shore of Taiwan. For this trip, my aunt booked a private shuttle bus, and man, that thing was comfy. Captains chairs plus a built-in big screen and karaoke system. It was fun, and my mom got into it. She was singing all her fav old Chinese songs (thankfully, my cousin is an old soul and knows all the songs from that era– 70s). My dad even chimed in and SANG. Remember last year when we booked that ktv room in their condo complex and dad refused to sing bc he’s an annoying perfectionist? Well, it seems he’s finally chilled out a bit and stopped taking himself so damn seriously. It was a cool change to witness from one year to the next.

All in all, we were in the shuttle like 4-5 hrs. John did comment that we seriously stopped for bathroom breaks like every half hour. Shrug. I mean, dad is a prostate cancer survivor and mom has always had bladder issues. Oh well. At least the 7 Elevens have good drinks and snacks. Of course, all along the way, we ate way too much food and fruit. I will say the food this time around was not as good as I remember. That said, we did find some super creamy custard in Taitung as well as the yummy cherimoya fruit, grown/harvested up that way. Maybe custard was the theme for us this trip. In the evening, we walked along a park, lined with paper lantern and craft tables set up by local artisans selling their work. Taiwan is famous for their night markets where vendors sell tons of goods on folding tables, but this venue was different bc instead of cheap, mass-produced plastic crap, they sold handmade goods. We saw some interesting leather goods (got some ideas for Bubbey) and artwork, etc. Of course being the anti-big suitcase people that we are, we only bought some postcards with a local artist’s watercolor prints. In the evening, we retired to our rooms at the Sheraton, a nice and swanky hotel. I made sure to get up early the next day to partake in the sauna/pools amenities. Yup, these were nude only facilities– separated for men and women. I was pretty sure no one was going to force me to go nude, so I went down there first thing with my swimsuit. But the lady at the door kept saying it was nude only. At first, the defiant me was going to just verbally agree and then do whatever I wanted once I got in. Then, I thought about how people generally hate Americans who travel abroad bc they don’t respect local customs and they just do whatever the hell they want. I didn’t want to be THAT kind of American. Ugh.

Thankfully, when I got into the locker room, I was the only one there. Yup, I had a cool pool, a warm pool, a wet and dry sauna, plus all the showering facilities all to myself. Fine. I mean, in the privacy of myself, that was not the time to break a rule and be a beotch. Man, I love using all the amenities. 🙂

Throughout our time in Taiwan, we struggled still with jetlag and I dunno. My body just shuts down/gets very tired from the stress of being around family. They didn’t do anything particularly annoying or unbearable… I’m just conditioned to feel stressed after all these years… I’m trying to free myself from my issues. Well, we’ll be seeing my family again Stateside next month so I guess I’ll have a chance to practice some new coping skills. It’s really not so bad anymore compared to the olden days. Time to let go a bit and chill the fuck out (as I’m always advising my parents to do…).

[FAG id=7391]

I Am Not Your Secretary

So as usual, leading up to my Taiwan trip, I had been dreading how I was going to manage my interactions with family, namely, I was worried about keeping my cool with my mother. As life would have it, I managed to stay relatively controlled with my mother this trip, but I ended up blowing up at my dad.

What can I say, I am full of flaws and no matter how much older I get, no matter how much more I learn and mature, there are deeply ingrained habits from my childhood that I just don’t handle well.

The odd thing is, my father and I are similar on so many levels— with our intensity, our workaholism, our tracking/managing styles, our independence, our judgement of others… and yet there are still distinct differences and powerful triggers.

From the start, my dad’s ridiculous adherence to rules was showing itself and irking me. From giving John driving directions and informing him of this and that not being allowed, to our group going to a scenic destination and wanting to eat our fruit and snacks at the upstairs cafe… I mean, yes, most food establishments in the US have some policy like “no outside food or drink”, but we could have just asked the cafe staff. No, he was adamant. He didn’t even want to ask and instead insisted that all of us eat on the lower park pavilion without as nice a view. Later, we decided to order lunch at the cafe and still he was all wound up about us eating fruit we had brought in. Mind you, no other guests were even there and to be honest, I doubt the teenybopper staff really gave a shit. He’s just unnecessarily uptight about that kind of stuff. John says it’s bc being an immigrant in America makes you fearful. You don’t ever want to give authorities any reason to give you a hard time. Yes, I agree, but still. People are on vacation to hang out with us. Chill the hell out.

Later, when I was visiting my grandparents, John and I wanted to give the two maids some extra money, bc well shit, they work a TON for my very large and demanding family and on top of that, all three grandparents still look amazing thanks to the maids’ 24/7 care. Now, remember, labor is fucking cheap in Asia. And these maids being migrant workers from Indonesia means their labor is even cheaper than for native workers. Still, by comparison with their impoverished hometown, they are making great money in Taiwan, which is why they are working overseas in the first place. So whatever. I just wanted to give them each the equivalent of 100 usd. Mind you, I’m not sure but they probably only earn a few hundred usd per month, so this is not chump change, but to me, it’s still totally worth it to show gratitude for their hard work. Anyway, Dad gets all in my business asking how much I’m giving them and then he says that amount is way out of line. His explanation is that if I give that much, when my aunt pays them, it throws off the system. There’s a system and I have to play by the rules. Omfg. I mean, are you for fucking real? Just him saying those words, triggered something. He told me to give them 33 instead. I was like, those rules have nothing to do with me. I’m a foreigner: I don’t have to abide by the local rules. And then it started to escalate.

Honestly, I’m not about to be told what to fucking do in this situation. I mean, I didn’t even need to tell him I was gifting them anything. Finally, I just say ok and left the room pissed off. I talked it over with John and he said to compromise with 66, but I was still irritated and annoyed.

A few minutes later, Dad says he needs my help with filling out the USPS form to hold his mail for the next week. Also, I need to contact his former office manager to see if she picked up his mail up until then. Also, what’s the update on the house since he didn’t set the alarm. So the gist is 1. Did she get the mail 2. Can she check on house.

It’s always a tad uncomfortable bc every time I reach out to this lady, my dad is just barking orders, so I’m trying to draft something that is friendlier. I’m drafting and then Dad wants to read my draft before it goes out. My point is, tell me the end goal and then I can decide how to get to the desired result. So even without realizing, I text her to the effect of, dad’s not sure if he asked you to get the mail but are you able to get it and blah, blah. So he’s like harping over me about what to say, like I’m a fucking secretary taking his dictation and I’m getting annoyed about having my work checked before it goes out. I read him the draft which is still in a progress and immediately, he’s like no. I am sure. I already asked her to get the mail blah blah, and then he provides all this other seemingly extraneous info. I edit and he says to read it to him again. Finally, I yell out: You’re not my boss and I’m not your secretary. I’m 40-some years old. I know how to write a text message.

And he’s kind of stunned by my blowup and says I know you’re not my secretary, you are just helping me out. I want to review it, bc you still didn’t get the message right. That angers me further and I counter back that I’m still drafting it! I edit again and read the revised again. Fast and totally pissed, glaring at him. Then he’s like whatever. Send it. I storm out.

I hate doing shit for him, bc he hovers and micromanages. It drives me nuts and then it just dredges up all the extra shit from the past where I do all this research for him and half the time that effort is wasted, with the results totally unused. Also, I realized I had gotten the detail wrong not bc I didn’t hear him, but bc subconsciously it was my way of making the request softer with the office manager…

Ultimately though, what I should have already understood is that he worked with her for almost 40 years. She knows his style already. I don’t need to censor or mute it for her, and he, as the physician, is supposed to be clear on the facts. So then I kind of understood why it mattered to him to set up the context correctly even if the end goal was the same.

Two days later, I was still bothered by my reaction to such a small request by my father. I could see that what I said and how I said it pained him. And the magnitude of my response was totally incommensurate with the situation. But like I said, there are powerful historical triggers at play. It was a culmination of things… but that didn’t make it right. And yet, for three days, I could not bring myself to apologize. My brain just kept trying to rationalize and justify even though I knew what I did was unwarranted.

I finally apologized the night before I left. I just said I was sorry for blowing up. I know he never asks me for much so I shouldn’t have lost my temper. Meanwhile, the office manager replied that she’d already gotten the mail and she would go by the house tomorrow to check on it. No problem!

That was another epiphany for me. She, having worked with him for so long, knew exactly what he meant. She always follows through on his requests and yet he still always asks her again and seeks confirmation. She didn’t take offense, bc she understands his directness and she understands that medicine is a lot about double checking the details. I’m ashamed that I didn’t already get this.

Daughters of Immigrant Parents 

Holy crap, I cannot believe it is the end of October. I really hustled to finish the month out strong…. I had an open house in Menlo Park Saturday and Sunday in hopes of squeezing in an offer before flying off to Taiwan on Monday. Sadly, no such luck. I’ve had the worst experiences with Menlo Park, actually. It’s a trendy city in the more expensive San Mateo County, so for both properties I was hopeful, but I dunno, the streets are really difficult to place signs bc the roads have no shoulder or have cars parked everywhere. It’s been a real pain and then I got no traffic through the open house. Given, the properties were on the market longer than usual but still… anyway, note to self: No more Menlo Park. Stick to what I know in Santa Clara County.

The interesting thing I’ve learned though while working with my Vietnamese loan agent and my Indian buyers… the immigrant experience really is a powerful life influence. Like when I had my homebuying class and I talked about handling a lot of matters for my parents, the attendees really got it. And so many times, my friend C the loan officer is on the phone handling transactions for her aunt or cousins or whatever. It’s a lot of extra work and tedious shit too like reviewing HOA docs or managing bank accounts or legal contracts…. I dunno. Sometimes it’s comforting to know we share common experiences, but man, Asian daughters have to handle so much shit. C was telling me how her parents bought a house that her brother and his wife live in. Sound familiar? And her brother is always benefiting from being the Asian son. He’s not even responsible or helpful with anything. He just reaps all the benefits without having to lift a fucking finger. Meanwhile, bc C is single, the people in family, esp the women, are constantly cutting her down. Her grandmother ridicules her and calls her an old maid and “leftover” woman. She accuses her of being a man. I get so worked up and pissed off when I hear that shit. It really just highlights how sexist Asian culture still is. Meanwhile she handles all important matters, financing, legal stuff, etc. and her brother does nothing. And she’s the one getting called names. Again, it’s that Asian style of parenting where people think name calling and shaming will motivate you to somehow have a different outcome. It’s so demeaning and manipulative. I think it helps C to know that I understand the criticism bc I have seen it. But man, esp before my trip to Taiwan, it gets me super on edge. Like if my relatives say anything to get under my skin, I will just fucking blow up.

Of course, as the universe would plan it, Johnny keeps emailing my dad’s email account. Last week was a YouTube video by an ex pharma sales guy who basically said the pharmaceutical business is all about making money. Then, there was a video about the dangers of the flu vaccine. This week he sent some video with tips about what husbands can do to maintain a good marriage. I mean, generally I am all about the self help and learning how to improve my relationships, but advice from my selfish, never been married brother? Puhleeze. Step the fuck off, man child.

It irks me so much I’m going to tell Dad I’m done monitoring his emails. He can either block this bullshit content, tell Johnny to stop spreading his antivax propaganda, or he can monitor his own goddamn email. So fucking annoying to see this garbage on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, my colleague at the office keeps telling me I’m so lucky to be going on vacation. Ok woman, Taiwan is NOT a fucking vacation ok? It’s going to take all the energy in the world for me not to blow up at my mother. Remember my trip last year? And the one before that? Granted, I know now what I didn’t know then— that my mother has cognitive issues. So yes, I’m supposed to be extra tolerant and compassionate. I agree that the diseases have not helped with her mental processing. That said, she said and did plenty of damage even when she was of sound mind… but who’s holding a grudge, right?

I always try my best to channel my beloved Bubbey, but ultimately, I am who I am. Sigh. Wish me luck. At least I’ll have our Rover client Sadie Spunkmeyer greeting us the day we get back Stateside!

East San Jose After Dark

As you know, I made a conscious effort recently to step up my game by calling potential buyers. From the get go, I employed a multi-pronged call/email approach with the two gents who attended my homebuying class.

They are childhood friends, so they attended my class together. That said, they are on different timelines. One is still trying to see how much he can afford based on co-borrowing with family. The other is clear on location but not sure about how much he wants to spend. He has an approval amount, but he wants to be conservative. What this means is, possibly condo/townhouse, maybe SFH.

So I started sending him MLS queries based on our conversation, and I asked for his feedback. I also ran stats to give him (an engineer) some data on avg and median prices, $/sf, expected sold/list ratios, etc. He expressed interest in seeing two townhomes in East SJ, but bc of his work schedule, he couldn’t meet at the property until 8pm. Meanwhile, the thing about properties in San Jose is that they are typically owner-occupied, which requires additional planning/logistics on the front end in order to preview.

Mind you, I have done a few open houses in SJ, but SJ is a huge area, and East SJ is like where my skatepark was… I was a little nervous about driving around in the dark scouting out these places. Plus, I have never had good luck with parking… even in the residential neighborhoods. Anyway, we met out there, we looked at places, and it was fine. He and I get along pretty well, and I was thrilled when he commented that he has met a lot of agents and I’ve been really speedy, thorough, and responsive. He liked too that I gave him additional data. And he can tell that I go that extra mile. Yay, FINALLY, someone is noticing all the extra work I put in. It was a great boost to get some validation. And we talked about KW about my commission… he didn’t know much about how all that is structured, but he seemed focused on his priorities, which is a refreshing change. It’s not about trying to save a few grand by going with a discount broker. It’s about working with someone who is trustworthy, knowledgeable, and thorough so that ultimately, you get the house that you want in this crazy market. Goddamn, what a relief to meet someone so logical, someone who really gets it. He def impresses me. So now I am trying to hone down his search… his timeline is by the end of the year, so I am hopeful.

I will say, it was TOUGH finding parking in these communities after everyone was home from work. And some spots were DARK. Next time I need to pack a flashlight bc the phone light just isn’t strong enough. What can I say, I’m not in Kansas anymore when I’m in SJ. But I like this client. He is young but he has his shit together. He is a planner who is clearly developing a strategy to be smart with his money. It’s really cool to see, and even though his price point is a lot lower than the other potential clients, I think it would be very rewarding to help him through this process.

What else. I’ve been busy too with Rover. I was bragging to J the other day that I was more than doubling my Rover income from last year. Then Bubs said, well, you didn’t do a full year last year. Oh. Touche. Way to burst my bubble. Still, even if I calculate for the same months both years, I’m slightly ahead. I like hosting doggies. Except when they get sick poopies and shit all over my carpet. Yes, that happened today. Diarrhea is no. fucking. joke. Ugh. It was disgusting. I tried to imagine that people with kids have to deal with similar grossness way more often, so I should just get over it. Well, Laundress to the rescue! I cannot believe it, but it got that shit out. Literally. And I just want to add: I’m glad I saved all my old socks/underwear as cleaning rags. I went through a ton of them cleaning up today’s mess.

Other than that, the big news is that Bubs returns tonight from MD. Yup, he’s been a true road warrior for the month of October. My friend asked if I was feeling lonely. Honestly, I will never admit to any codependency, but I will say it has been hard doing my open house and homebuying class set ups solo. It’s a lot of shit to lug around and set out. But I have been trying to work a ton… I’m finding that evening calls work best, and that’s much easier to do when you come home from the office to an empty house. Still, I’m glad he’s coming home. Taiwan is right around the corner… Ugh.

Low Tolerance

I was so annoyed the other day. My father called in the evening sounding all pathetic. Our usual weekly Friday/Saturday night call slot came and went and he hadn’t heard from me. Part of the reason is that I don’t call them while they are in Taiwan, bc I can never reach them. The other piece is that I’ve been working my ass off.

So anyway, his tone was all weak and tired and neglected. How are you? How is your body? Are you doing ok? I mean, I dunno what he wants me to say. I’m perpetually sleep-deprived and stressed. Then he’s asking me all these questions. Is it bc John is away? Is it stress? I mean, it’s everything: I’m building my business, I am a chronic worrier, I’m an insomniac, I feel overwhelmed about all the eldercare shit that is coming down the pipeline… It’s not something I’m wanting to troubleshoot or discuss.

And then it was the same old shit with them. Mom is continuing her hyperbaric oxygen treatments. When I spoke with her earlier this month, she sounded hopeful. Now dad says she wants to stop the treatments, but since they already pre-paid 30 treatments, she’s going to just finish. Dad doesn’t think it’s working. I mean, my dad has never been a positive person, so that’s no big surprise. But how could her stance on it shift so dramatically? Maybe when I spoke with her before, she was optimistic bc she had just started? I dunno. I just get irritated by them having too much shit up in the air. I mean: still no progress on timeline and the house and whatever. And now that they are reunited in Taiwan, are they still doing things and socializing? You know, keep alert and engaged? Probably not.

Then every damn time I’m on the phone with dad, he keeps telling me I don’t need to work so hard, bc it’s not like I need the money. He reminds me that my situation is different from his when he came to the USA as an immigrant with a young family. Yeah, I get it. You ate tons of bitter. You made sacrifices. Hearing that shit just gets me more pissed off. I mean, my entire fucking life, all he ever does is compare me to his friends’ kids, rattling off all their academic and professional accomplishments. Now, I’m busting ass trying to succeed in real estate and he tells me it’s unnecessary. You can’t fucking have it both ways. I don’t say anything back to him bc I assume his intentions are good, but it’s just a little too fucking late. Needless to say, that call put me in the shittiest mood afterwards, bc it’s just so much goddamn baggage.

The next day, I complained about it to Bubs who is back East. He says I can’t expect them to be different people than who they are in terms of socializing and being active. Fine. True. But all this concern about health and not overworking is a total 180 from all the stuff that was emphasized before so actually, he IS a different person. And I just don’t know how to interact with this altered version.

Then this morning Dad called asking me what we wanted to do in Taiwan, where we wanted to travel. I mean, I don’t want to sound bitchy, but I’ve done Taiwan a gabillion times now. It will never be a fun place for me bc there is too much family drama there. Yes, that’s my own hangup, but if it weren’t for my grandparents being there, I would never go there year after year. So this is what I mean: my dad wants to do fun things and interact with me on a non-work, fun and friendly level and I just don’t know how to do this really. It’s a bizarre thing. It’s almost like I am comfortable with the distant, more-business like relationship, the list of to-dos. I know, probably more shit I have to work on…

I did tell him John wanted to check out some leather and stationery shops in Taipei, so dad said sure, you’re welcome to stay at our home in Taipei. Yup, the one where Johnny lives. I said we’ll just get a hotel. Then he got all upset: why? I mean, do I really have to explain why? My brother lives there. I’m not going to go stay with someone I dislike just to save $60… Yeah, so that was a great call with dad. Ugh.

Geek Squad

So I’ve basically spent the last two days trying to get a Trojan virus off my dad’s computer. Yup, I’m pretty much the 24-hour hotline for product research, computer updates, vendor communications, medical records requests, appointment setting, contract work, you name it.

In follow up to my last post, dad DID actually take swift action and order the new iPhone 8 after I researched and presented the options. The phone is supposed to arrive tomorrow and then he needs to take it to the AT&T store to get everything moved over. Sadly, the solution is not so simple regarding his pc virus attack. This virus is actually a serious one, and all day yesterday, I was logged into his computer remotely (while attending a real estate training) trying various removal tools and scanners. Windows Defender said it removed the virus, but then a minute later, it would return. Given the number of accounts my father accesses here and abroad, it is a big deal.

Meanwhile, my training all day was on tapping into the luxury real estate market (Here it would be > $5M properties). It was fascinating learning about how servicing high-end clients differs from the moderate market. Like, bc these people tend to be entrepreneurial and used to stellar service, you gotta know more stats, be more business savvy, know about current events, use different terminology… It was intriguing and yet also frustrating. I dunno, I basically had an identity crisis after the class: like who am I? Who will want to work with me (vs. someone else)? It threw me into an entire tizzy. After I got home. I told John I wanted to take the DISC personality test again, and he was like, What’s the point? You are who you are. And don’t worry about the luxury market… that’s for later. Right now, you’re new so you just focus on the middle range.

I see what he’s saying, but at the same time, I feel like you have to have a target, a plan, and an angle for who I ought to be marketing to… Lately, I’ve been researching “farming” a ton. It’s basically this idea of distributing materials to a geographic area consistently. It can take as long as 18-24 months of mailers/door hangers/knocking every other week before the seeds begin to sprout. It’s a major grind but the concept is that through repeated exposure, you become the agent who is top-of-mind in that community. But it’s not just randomly picking the farm. There’s a lot of considerations: How many sales are there per year? Condos or SFH? What’s the turnover rates? Are big agents currently farming the area already? What kind of residents are they? Renters? Owners? Investors… it’s overwhelming. And then what content to send? I’ve gathered postcard ideas and researched printing/mailing costs… So anyway, my mind was in overdrive and then dad called.

He wants to get a new Dyson cordless vacuum for Taiwan. See what I mean? Always over-complicates everything. Last time he was in Taiwan, he was researching it, but the price is cheaper in the US. So this 73-y/o man is going to schlep at 12-lb vacuum in his airline luggage to save $2. Ok, it’s probably way more than $2 but you get my drift. And I realize the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, but when I do my deals, I don’t inconvenience others. I do my own research and carry my own baggage, so to speak. So whatever. Last night, he saw that Kohl’s has some deal where you get 30% off when using your credit card on a purchase. Can I (meaning me) research it and see how to get the deal? Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

But I do it, bc that’ll make dad happy. And frankly, who else is going to help him with this? Fucking A. Thankfully, I was able to determine pretty quickly that 1) those promos don’t apply to Dyson 2) you can get it cheaper on Amazon. Done. Purchased and arriving at his doorstep on Saturday. I’m telling you, it’s like managing TWO households.

I then did more troubleshooting with dad’s computer. I finally gave up and decided this is a job for the pros. Only option for his situation? Best Buy Geek Squad. That lead down another rabbit hole: what is their service, how much, how long, etc. Nothing is ever a simple 1, 2, 3 answer, right? Seriously, Geek Squad has a gabillion support packages and with varying terms and coverages. Ugh.

So the current status is: I summarized the situation with his laptop and emailed it so he can print it out and give the info to the Geeks. There is no way he can explain to them what steps I did to try and resolve the issue. He’s taking the laptop into the store today, and he’ll likely have to leave it for a couple days. Meanwhile, this morning using MY computer and with dad on the phone, I had to log into most of his accounts and change the passwords. Yes, he was reading his passwords to me on the phone, I was logging in, then he was reading to me his new passwords. And he’s not great with creating different, distinct passwords (who is).

I told him the best method is to think of a line in your favorite song or poem. Then, use the first letter of every word in that line. Add some numbers. That way, it’s not like Vicky2017 or something retarded/obvious. So I explain all this and what does he do? Takes his old password and just swaps the front and back end. So for example, Vicky2017 becomes 2017Vicky. Wonderful, glad you are listening. I’m going through all this muck trying to fix your computer and change your passwords, and you basically re-use the same passwords. Annoying as fuck.

But whatever, by that point, I’d already spent like 20 hours on this bullshit. Let’s hope GeekSquad is competent enough to get the virus off. The saga continues… Time to head into the office. Entire morning busted.

Friday Night Call

Well, it never fails that dad calls me either on a Friday or Saturday night. Yep, prime times for going out and having a life… I mean, who is surprised. Since my college days, dad has always used these time slots to call and make sure I was in my dorm room studying. Now, he still expects me to subscribe to his fear-based “don’t go out at night” philosophy.

So today was kind of a shitty day. You see, last night, really late I got a Rover request for a doggie boarder starting TODAY. The lady mentioned that her dog should get along well with Marty, and then I had to tell her that Marty died. It’s in my Rover profile that he passed last December, but I still have him listed as a pet in my profile bc well, I just haven’t been able to bring myself to “delete” his profile. Long story short, that sent me down a rabbit hole looking at pictures of him and Remy and reading my old blog posts about the days we said goodbye. Goddamn, they were high maintenance in their golden years. Then I started crying. Went to bed and left my contact lenses in by accident.

Woke up in the middle of the night with my eyes super puffy bc of the damn contacts. Met with the new Rover client in the morning and then went doorknocking for my open house. Met some nice neighbors in that community. Also met some not so nice people who cut me off and shut the door on me. Fine, whatever. Then prepped all my materials and got a call in the afternoon from the list agent: They just got a super strong offer on the house I’m supposed to host. Granted, the list agent was kind enough to give me the option of whether or not I wanted to continue hosting the property. I decided to proceed. Maybe they can use a backup offer. I dunno.

So I finally get home, eat dinner, then dad calls. He can’t access his iphone, bc the text is monstrous and there is no accessible way to unlock his phone. This has happened before and I had no idea what he did to get it into zoom mode. Last time, he had to go to the AT&T store and have them fix it (double tap with 3 fingers at once). This time, I told him to do the same thing and he said it didn’t help. Then 30 secs later, it worked. Who the fuck knows. I mean, it’s so frustrating, bc I have gotten dad a decent laptop (upgraded every few years) for well over a decade and still, all he can do is basic plane tickets, stock trading, bank transactions, and scanning. He still can’t really email, doesn’t know to forward or reply or attach. He still reads too many junk/forwards and just gets hung up on something every other day. And I have showed him a bunch of times!! Same shit with the iphone. Can’t text. Doesn’t read email on the phone. Just looks at stock apps and uses the basic phone function (but not even voicemail). So freaking annoying. He’s a smart guy. If he can figure out stock/investment shit, he should be able to do more functions on the phone and PC.

So today he tells me he wants to upgrade to iPhone 8. How much, what are the specs, when is it available. I don’t fucking know! I’m not even looking to upgrade. Maybe he asks bc he knows John will upgrade but John almost always gets top of the line (different use case than my dad) and he buys direct from Apple. So Dad says, “oh you know, if you have time, maybe you can research it for me.” Fucking A. Yeah, I’m just sleeping and lounging around all damn day. Sure, I can research it.

So I go to AT&T chat and of course, I cannot get any info from the rep without logging into Dad’s account. What is your account and pw. Don’t know. On chat for about 45 fucking minutes, going through various iterations to finally get a working userid and login. After that, I have to learn the differences between upgrading via AT&T vs. Apple. And all the installment plan options. Basically, 90 minutes later, I have sufficient information to proceed. You know, just a simple thing to research on a Friday night. SMH. And more than half the time, I waste tons of time researching shit for dad and in the end, no action. We’ll see if this is the case regarding the iPhone.

Are You Sleeping?

Seriously, my father says the craziest shit. The other day, I woke up before 9am (like every day) and planned to call Johns Hopkins University Medical to make an appointment for mom to see the neurologist at their research center. Mind you, getting to this point has taken FORever, bc JHU wants to review her records before advising whom she should see. Now my mother’s records, bc they span various physicians in various states and countries, are in multiple forms: several photocopied pages of lab reports, doctor’s notes, plus CDs for which my father has originals only (and I can’t burn copies bc no one has a CD reader anymore), plus these latest notes from the doctor she saw while visiting in July. Bc of medical privacy issues, I am not able to request her docs and then when I tried to set up her online account, I ran in to issues that basically thwarted that access.

Long story short, it’s been over a month and the best I could get (unless she herself calls from Taiwan, which is NOT happening) was for the doctor to mail a copy of his notes to her home address in MD. Dad received those last week; he scanned them to me, and now I have most of her docs, minus the CDs. So I’m ready to call JHU.

So what happens that morning? Instead, my father calls me about 10:30 am, and he always asks me this when he calls anytime before noon. “Are you sleeping?” I mean, I get that he doesn’t think I work very hard, but dad, it’s 10:30. No, I’m not sleeping. WTF?!?!?!? I mean, some days I really wonder what it is he thinks we do. I’m, maybe I might be sleeping if I weren’t getting parental calls at all hours of the day, from my mom who can’t get the time zones right and from my father asking me to do logistics and research and travel planning and vendor calls and business emails and whatever the fuck else. Not to mention the mental stress of trying to figure out what the hell my parents are doing between here and Taiwan. Ugh. Anyway, I didn’t go into it with him, bc on this particular morning I was getting another fucking assignment.

The day prior, dad received some email from United announcing their latest round of fare sales. He did some research and found the exact flight/route for him to go back to Taiwan in October and return in November. Now, like I’ve said a gabillion times before: NOTHING for my family is ever straightforward or easy. Here he thought I would just do a couple of clicks here and there and bam, travel arrangements would be done and I could go back to my nice little nap.

Well, I won’t bore you with the minutiae, but basically, he insisted on a very specific flight leg out via Tokyo (not SFO) and his return needed to match up with a return flight for my mother. Oh, and btw, he has a flight voucher he wants to use and for mom, he wants to do one-way with awards. Blah, blah, blah, Almost TWO HOURS later after having multiple windows open to view both of their accounts separately and after researching various flight dates and one-way/round trip/award flights from November through February to get his price point, PLUS two phone calls to customer service discussing terms and conditions for using the voucher, I FINALLY get the itineraries set. Jesus Fucking Christ. Not that I had ANYTHING to do that morning before my lunch with a prospect.

John heard me on the phone back and forth with dad and customer service and he was like, what the heck is going on? Dude. You have no fucking idea. And then he just said, well, that’s how you’re gonna be when you’re that age, esp with the price hunting and coupons. Ouch.

I mean, fine. I’ll give you that there is an OUNCE of truth to that: I am hardcore about my deals and that’s why I’m good at executing these insanely tedious tasks. But shit. I ain’t ever delegating that level of complexity. Once I’m unable to get ‘er done, it ain’t getting done. I’m not subjecting other people to 90+ minutes of back and forth bullshit.

I suppose on the bright side, I learned a lot about United travel credits and award miles. The credits do NOT apply to codeshare flights, and the award points rarely apply to the route through Tokyo. Honestly though, is it so damn difficult and inconvenient for my parents to just tie the Taiwan trip in with a stop over in SFO for a few days??? Parents. I swear they make NO sense. SMH.

Deciphering Family

Well I got ahold of my mother finally, using the LINE account of my aunt. Yep, nothing is ever straightforward with my family. Whether it’s an email account or cell phone account, shit is shared and chaperoned to death. Anyway, after speaking with dad and hearing that my aunt is like bathing mom and shampooing her hair, I was prepared for like some super confused, jumbled conversation. Not the case. Mom is sharper, more lucid, and more engaged than ever. WTF is going on? On one hand, dad is telling me he and auntie observe mom getting worse. On the other hand, she sounds happier, spirited, and actually fine.

She stopped taking the western meds, but not bc my brother kept telling her so. Rather, she was having incontinence issues plus random hot flashes/sweating fits. She stopped the meds, and those symptoms immediately went away. The doctors say those symptoms are not side effects of those meds, but I dunno: she put 2 and 2 together and there appears to be some connection for her.

So now my conclusion is that dad and auntie are just overprotective over-coddlers. When I asked mom about the bathing, I was like, what is going on? I saw you in July and you were fine washing yourself. You need to still do your own activities. She says she just feels much cleaner and better when auntie bathes her. Ok, fine have her do it maybe once a week but everyday? You’re not an invalid. Yeah, I’m all about the tough love.

I wonder if my father, in his current state of paralysis, is just overwhelmed by too many thoughts. I know it’s important for him to feel useful and needed; otherwise, he doesn’t feel purpose. I can relate to that. But mom is clearly happy in Taiwan and enjoying the increased socialization and interactions– something she simply does not get when she’s home in Maryland with dad, who is a homebody. I’m sure there’s some bit of FOMO, like she is getting on just fine without him. Second, I do think my brother has made Taiwan somewhat toxic for dad (and me). It’s just too close proximity and as it is, J is still emailing dad all this hyperbaric oxygen chamber shit that he himself is doing on the regular… Jesus Christ. As if we need J to be preserved forever, Tom Cruise style. SMH.

Finally, I think my dad feels most successful in the US. Even though it has never felt like home, he is ultimately a workaholic by nature. He is most comfortable when he is doing something productive or efficient… and here he has his fingers into a million things: stocks, real estate, etc. So I’m not sure when the two parents in one place thing is going to take hold. It’s frustrating for me, bc I don’t like my dad being alone. He is quite self-sufficient, but I still worry if healthwise something happens and I mean, he can probably go for too many days without leaving the house. To his credit, he has started walking again– morning and night and he actually made Labor Day plans to visit his BFF in Ohio. I’m just a worry wart, I guess.

Meanwhile, I have booked my own trip for end of October to Taiwan. I really can’t believe we are already nearly into September. I’m kinda disappointed by all the time I lost from being sick, but spilled milk, right? I’m still not 100% but good enough to be back at the office hustling for open houses. 🙂

Tears of Pain

I’ve been really sick the last 48 hours. What I thought to be a simple sore throat on Tuesday turned into a full blown throat infection that fucked up my face, not to mention my breathing, eating, drinking, and speech. Fucking A. I was so excited to work this weekend, bc I got a killer open house two miles from home. Friday night, I hosted it open and I was already feeling uncomfortable but man, on Saturday, I woke up and my throat was like partially blocked from all the swelling. Everytime I swallowed, my face winced in pain. Oh god, it was awful. I called the advice nurse and she suggested I go in to see the doctor. I mean, seriously. The pain was so bad, I was crying and nothing gave me relief. I tried icing, all that honey/lemon, ACV, hot water, cold water… everything. I was so pissed I had to cancel the open house. But shit man, it was a good thing I did bc the following 24 hrs before the penicillin kicked in was even worse.

The doctor didn’t see white spots on my throat but he definitely noticed the swelling and said antibiotics would be his method of treatment regardless of whether it swabbed positive for strep. I’ve never had a sore throat on just ONE SIDE. So weird. My self-diagnosis seemed to suggest some form of tonsillitis but I dunno, the doc didn’t say anything. He didn’t seem that worried, but shit man, my speech was slurred and everything. He said if I didn’t see improvement by Monday, I’d have to go to the emergency room. Great.

So Saturday all day I was in bed, crying from the pain. It hurt so damn bad to swallow. I was all jacked up on Advil plus the antibiotics. I had planned a short getaway for us to Lodi wine country to celebrate our 21st anniversary of togetherness. All canceled. I swear I get sick at the most inconvenient times. So yeah, slept all through Saturday and most of today. But just like clockwork, I felt noticeably better at the 24-hr mark. Thank fucking goodness for western meds. The face swelling went down and I was able to eat Bubbey’s homemade chicken soup. Whew. It was really  bad.

Then dad called and he had some weird heart palpitations on Friday, so he went to the doctor. He did the heart monitoring and will get results on Tuesday or Wednesday. Doctor said it was some idiopathic benign erithmea or something. Meanwhile, dad is dragging ass still on updating the living will and establishing the advance directives. I got all frustrated with him: it’s clearly paralysis from overwhelm, but it’s like he can’t even communicate to me what needs to be done so I can help. It’s super frustrating. He says mom’s condition is worse and now his sister (my aunt) is bathing her and washing her hair. WTF? I mean, I just saw mom in July. Are they over-coddling? This makes no sense. And if she indeed needs that much care, why aren’t they applying for the professional help? He is unable to explain clearly to me why these decisions are playing out this way. So I contact the American consulate to inquire about advanced directives… and whether there is something equivalent there. No answer except for a list of English-speaking doctors. Fine, so no number and I email one of the docs. Everything takes so long to find the goddamn answer.

I call my mom and no one answers the fucking phone. Call my aunt. Text her on Line (mobile app). No reply. This is what I’m saying; how the fuck are we living in 2017 and it takes like 24 hrs to reach someone??? Ridiculous. Meanwhile, stupid brother keeps emailing dad all this hyperbaric oxygen chamber shit. Ugh. I just can’t take his bullshit anymore. Seriously. Get the hell out of our lives already, you useless POS.

Tomorrow is Monday again. Another weekend lost and an endless list of shit to do. Oh well. Grateful to be better today. I’ll just have to get to the other shit one by one. Anniversary weekend in Lodi moved to next weekend. Maybe I need to ease up on the work just a little. Work smarter not harder and all that. Sigh. Tired again. Time for bed.