I haven’t called my parents in about two months. The last time we spoke, dad needed me to handle tax items for him (every year). In the process, I got a weird suspicion that he is a victim of elder fraud. Meanwhile, as I was on the phone discovering this, my mother was in the background causing a goddamn fuss. Her condition has continued to deteriorate and honestly, she’s burning out every damn person around her. I know she can’t control her condition, but Jesus Christ, she gets nasty. I was there in November and five days after my COVID quarantine was already too much between the constant outbursts, the nonsensical ramblings, the neuroses, the anger, the biting, the pinching… many people have advised that my father put mom in a memory care home. Through the years, she came close at least twice to getting moved, but she/dad changed their minds last minute.

Anyway, I was trying to access emails/files supposedly sent by his broker in Taiwan. One minute the email was there, the next minute it was gone from the inbox and very quickly, I started to see that it was super sketch. First off, the email came from some random gmail address… something blatantly egregious like partyhome254 or some shit. No scottrade.com or ameritrade.com domain. Then, dad’s yahoo kept flagging it as weird too, hence it was automatically getting moved into the spam folder. Third, the “statement” dad needed for his taxes was just a series of screenshots of graphs. WTF. I told him this was very odd, and that legitimate professionals do not work like this. Instead of him agreeing with me, dad just dug in his heels insisting that he’d known the guy for years, he just talked to him on the phone, and just do it.

When I escalated to express the urgency of this, he basically told me, “Just do what I say, bc I need to finish my taxes.” Meanwhile, remember the multiple times when dad stressed to me how important all his affairs are, and he even suggested once or twice that *I* somehow infected his computer with a virus?!?! I mean, who do you trust? Your daughter who works as a fiduciary in an industry involving multi-million-dollar transactions and who has also managed your complicated financial and legal shit for years, or some rando who can’t even provide a legitimate monthly statement? Holy fucking god.

I was so pissed, and then he just burst into tears talking about how stressed out he is and how miserable his life is. This is where I really see my own personal limitation. If you are miserable and you aren’t doing ANYTHING to improve your situation, do NOT come to me with your sob story, bc I will not empathize.

I get it, for “normal” people, their sobbing father would cause them to back down immediately, apologize, and de-escalate. But for me, I function in the opposite manner. Why? Bc you know what you’re supposed to fucking do! You are in this predicament, bc you are failing to make the necessary changes.

The only thing that was within my capacity was this: I shut up about the scammer, sent dad his goddamn files, and then John submitted his FBAR taxes or whatever the thing is. I then called my aunt and unloaded about how frustrating my family is, and about how terrible their decisions are. All this trouble moving across to the other side of the word so you can save more money that you will never spend anyway. Yes, I get that Taiwan is your “home.” Except that you never leave the goddamn house, so what’s the freaking point, really? And that was the last I talked to him.

No, actually, I did speak with him once after that. A week later, dad called again finalizing his tax stuff and then he did what he always does: “Is there anything else you want to say to me?”

I don’t know why he does that. No. I mean, what more is there to say? You’re miserable and you do nothing, so just continue being miserable. He asks me what he should do. Ugh, for starters, LIKE I SAID, 1) therapy, 2) reach out to the senior center, 3) move mom to a facility, 4) get out of the damn house…

Here’s the thing. I can’t be everything to everybody. As much as I sometimes aspire to be well-rounded with high EQ yadda, yadda, this is just too damn much. If you need someone to just listen and say empty responses like, “That sucks, I’m sorry”, I am NOT that person, and you have to find that service in someone else. I will do so many other things for you, but that’s not one of them.

John always jokes that my father and I are very similar. I mean, like they say: the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree… And the reason we clash is bc we both like to be the boss. John always describes us as the two bosses: one boss bossing the other boss. I won’t disagree. Each meeting essentially becomes a monster to-do session, with my dad ranting off a laundry list and I’m the executor. The thing is, he likes to give me entire brain dumps of tasks… like even while I’m in the middle of working on one item, he’ll start going into details about the next thing. These are the moments when I come damn close to reliving my notorious “I’m not your fucking secretary” moment. I mean, he also hovers while I’m doing the tasks. Like a total maniacal micro manager!

So this time I went back, and his internet had shitty signal again. This has been an ongoing issue for the last several years tbh. I kept telling him to call the cable guy and get the shit upgraded and for whatever reason, he just couldn’t get it done. As a result, year after year, we put up with his devices jumping from one network to the other, causing all kinds of spotty issues with the printer, his phone, laptop, security cameras, etc. It drove me insane every damn time I had to remote tunnel into his computer.

So then this trip, I got sick on arrival and quarantined in none other than the bedroom with NO goddamn cell or internet signal. Yup, five days in the slammer with shoddy to nil service.

As soon as I got out, I hit up the Costco, bought a new $60 router, called the cable guy, and the next day, voila, we have freaking fire. Strong, reliable internet in every goddamn room. Was that so hard that I had to fly half way around the globe to get this issue fixed?!?! Apparently, yes.

Btw an example of dad the micromanager: so obviously, he has no clue about tech. Yet when the service guy came, dad asked me to explain the situation to him and then he wanted to explain it to the tech. I’m like dad: I got it. Why would I communicate thru you? This isn’t the freaking telephone game. I know the issue and I can speak in Chinese to communicate with the tech. Jesus Christ. I mean, my non native Chinese plus knowledge of tech is way better than your native language skills and zero understanding of tech.

I told you. In any given situation, whatever the answer is, my dad will select THE most complicated and circuitous route to arrive at the solution. For realz. Time and time again. FML.

So then the guy is there in the living room setting up the device that I bought. I’m already there giving the tech details like what to name the network, what password I want, changing the router log in, updating the firmware and then dad is there hovering trying to re-explain shit I already went over. I’m telling you: It was a goddamn shit show. I was like Dad, stay in your fricking lane!!! Can you see why it’s so damn challenging and exhausting spending time with my parents???