Category Archives: Events

Pattern of Sickness

So it’s now been almost TWO WEEKS, and I am still sick. Sure, in the span of twelve days, I’ve gotten better then not, better then not a few times. For now, I believe the sweat-my-brains out fevers are behind me, but I just can’t seem to shake this head congestion and scratchy throat. I have been drinking TONS of water too. What the hell is wrong with me? John suggested I see the doctor this morning, and of course, all the family practice and internal med docs are completely booked. Is this flu epidemic for real?

The thing is, I even got the flu shot! Yes, I was late to the game and got it in early December, but still. Wth? I suppose my main problem is rest. I have a hard time getting good rest. Even when I’m well, I can’t sleep. John says I’m on the same up and down pattern as Remy. You see, Rems was doing amazing after her bout with lameness over Thanksgiving. Pop a few pills and bam, she was up walking to the park again. She was even starting to use the doggie door again, and so John and I thought we’d try to boost her quality of life a bit more by trying out the chiropractor. So on Tuesday, I took Remy to the chiro. The lady was so nice, and she had this portable laser machine that she described like a miracle device. Seriously. She said it had all these different settings including wound healing, which she uses on her hubby whenever he has any scrapes/lesions from bicycling. To be honest, as she described how it decreased inflammation for arthritis and joint pain and facilitated cell regeneration for skin damage, I was about ready to go research this device to buy for my own personal use. It was like an “As Seen on TV” moment for me. And Remy was so calm while the lady applied the cold laser to her hips and shoulder blades. Remy is hardly ever that calm at the vet’s office. When we got home, even John commented that Remy was moving around more sprightly. This was going to be her fountain of youth!!

Then, the next day, she regressed substantially. Her back end kept tucking under. What the heck? Then… she had a seizure aura. I think that’s the term for the pre-seizure moment where Remy just suddenly falls to her side and starts wailing continuously. Holy crap. Her whole body goes completely limp, super heavy, and she just gets in this weird zone. Something similar had happened back in September, but the wailing was followed by a grand mal seizure where the body just started thrusting uncontrollably.  That shit was so fucking scary. I had talked to my vet friend about it, and she said if it just happened one time, I shouldn’t worry too much, but I should just pay attention to everything that changes: new food, new treats, different cleaning solvents, anything. Since then, I have kept things super consistent. She rarely gets scraps, and I stick with the same kibble and treats. She doesn’t really go anywhere beyond home and the park. And yeah, she was doing so amazing since her lameness bout. What the heck happened? So with this aura, the next day, it happened again! She was eating breakfast; she abruptly went to the living room and lied down. She started breathing kinda heavy, and then suddenly, she threw onto her side and the wailing began again. This episode was shorter and again, no convulsions. So then I was super freaked out. Two days in a row. I emailed the chiro like, this happened after her appointment. Maybe you pinched a nerve or something? Is it a coincidence? Poor chiro. She said it’s unlikely she pinched anything thing… as I saw, the adjustments were super gentle.

The weird thing is, after the episode, Remy was wiped. But by the afternoon, she was better again and walking around. The chiro: she was so kind and sweet. She offered another cold laser treatment to see if it would make Remy more comfortable. Remy is so amazingly calm with the chiro. I then called the vet to inquire about the pain and anti-inflammatory meds. Could seizures be some kind of side effect from those? She’d been taking them for over a month. The vet assistant kinda dismissed what I said, saying she’d never heard of the meds doing that, so then I googled it. Weird thing: Meloxicam and Tramadol both list seizures as side effects (seizures in humans taking Tramadol; may raise pet’s risk of seizure) . Gabapentin is listed as a anti-seizure med and pain killer. So then I called the vet. The vet says she has never seen those meds cause seizures and in her books, seizures are not listed as a side effect. Are we not looking at the same information?? That’s not to say, Remy isn’t responding to the meds differently than most other dogs… She said usually, seizures in older dogs are caused by brain disorders or tumors. So is this where experience vs. books are supposed to come into play? She said she really didn’t think the meds were causing these episodes, so she suggested I continue with treatment, or if I wanted, I could take something out. I explained that I ran out of Tramadol, so she said ok, try the meds without Tramadol. Then I looked online, and it said not to suddenly discontinue taking Tramadol or you could get vomiting, diarrhea, chills. Ugghhh, so much conflicting infomration!! I’m going to the vet now to pick up the Tramadol and talk to the pharmacist.

New Year, New Life

How arbitrary to use the new calendar year as a marker for making changes. Oh well, whatever works, right? So, to celebrate the new year (belatedly due to illness), I re-arranged the living room. John’s been wanting some kind of nice leather reading chair for the living room, so we tried a couple of configurations to imagine a monster chair. I finally settled on this layout: the couch is in front of the tv, my orange patterned chair is against the window,  and the leather placeholder chair is next to that, separated by end tables. I also moved the floor lamps around. Anyway, I’m happy with it. Now, we just have a find a small form factor chair. I also added a “headboard” to my bed. It’s kinda funny, because I spent an afternoon surfing online for a tufted, taupe headboard. During the winter, John and I have been noticing that our heads get cold overnight. Our bed is placed along an exterior wall, and since the house has zero insulation, we can really feel the temperature gradient along the wall. So I researched headboards to death, and then, in the most random moment, a genius idea came to me! I had removed the back pillows to our living room sofa, because John complained that the seat wasn’t deep enough. Well, my sofa is taupe and tufted. Voila. So the width is a bit longer than the mattress, but what the heck? I’m pretty frickin’ pleased! Totally passable!

Other changes. I’m getting an office chair for my home office. Previously, I was sitting on an inflatable ball– great for the ball but awful for decor. I’m getting a rolling masseuse’s saddle stool. It’ll tuck conveniently under the desk when my daybed has to roll out, and it kinda goes with the cowgirl theme in there… being kinda saddle-shaped and all. 🙂

I had dyed my hair out of the box when I visited P in Long Beach last November. The deep red turned out beautifully, but I figured this time I’d go deep purple. This morning, I did it myself and let the dye set in really good– a full 35 minutes. Rinse, condition, blow-dry… and it’s fucking jet black. Now I look all goth and shit. Ugh. My friend insists that in the sun, you can see the violet, but what the hell? I can’t be walking around with a lamp on my head. I guess the changes can’t all be winners. I’ll let it sit a few days and revisit the issue.

Ok, now I’m off to do a home mani/pedi. My buddy G got me Birchbox for Xmas, so I’m dying to try out this new shimmery charcoal gray.

Death Bed

Holy crap, I have been deathly ill since Sunday. Yes, I have been in hell for five full days. Here’s the thing. Every year around the holidays, I get sick. And no, not just some coughing, sniffles, and headaches. I get really sick: watering eyes, major congestion, body aches, and crazy-ass fever. I just sweated my brains out for days. Yup, awoke every few hours in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. It was disgusting. All of this started Sunday, after well, we had been back East for a week, and I was exposed to a gabillion sick people, but who’s pointing a finger, right?

By Wednesday, I was feeling slightly better so I cleaned the house, did a ton of laundry, and changed all the sheets. Well, turns out I over did it on Wednesday, because Thursday returned to bite me in the ass, and here we are on Friday afternoon, and I am still in bed. Wth??

But this is what I have now concluded. I get sick every year around the holidays, because they just stress me the fuck out. Whether I visit family (as in this year’s case) or not, the end of the year is a time of massive reflection and overthinking. Yes, I do those things year-round, but in December, they kick up a notch. You know, all that fun crap like what did I get done in the last year, am I a better/improved person, do I have more of my life figured out, is Bubbey happy, are my parents happier, how much longer will Remy last, etc.? This year the family time was actually pretty painless. My parents aren’t quite as critical of me now that I am older, so they don’t really say things that trigger my usual angry, belligerent responses. That said, I still feel the disappointment and sadness. They don’t say anything anymore, but that doesn’t mean they don’t think/feel sadness. They just don’t express it to me anymore. And yeah, nothing can be done. My brother is not going to suddenly become the concerned, responsible, caring person we all want him to be. I’m not going to have the children they want me to have. These facts of life are immutable. So I can easily say, well serves them right for having expectations, for hinging their happiness on these uncontrollable factors. And yet, I do this all the time myself. I deprive myself of happiness, because the people I love are not happy. I look at everyone else around me and I focus on what I am lacking, how I am deficient. I understand this behavior all too well. I know I can’t change these things for my parents, so I try to live my own life another way. I try to find positive energies in activities, in friends, in learning, in meditation, in new habits. But these demons invariably find me again. And so I end each year feeling overwhelmed by all my inadequacies, by all my faults. And I make myself sick. I haven’t slept well for probably the last month. I stopped exercising. The downward spiral begins, and wham, what do you know, I’m sick.

But the good thing about me, is that I’m tough. Maybe not physically, as evidenced by my year-end downfall, but mentally, I am resilient. It’s a new year, and I have new goals. Yes, I fell off the wagon, but you know what, I’m getting back on. What else is there to do? Unlike with other years, I don’t have a whole list of resolutions. But I know I want to keep taking those baby steps and keep doing things I love and enjoy. But definitely, I need to start sleeping again. I am convinced good sleep is the secret of successful people. 😉

Tonight, I start anew. Happy New Year everybody. I wish you all good things!

Damn Good Day!

Well, today was a pretty damn good day. After my posting on Wednesday reporting that Remy was doing stellar, Thursday turned around and bit me in the ass. Remy was getting her groove back, and then bam! She regressed and had stability issues again. I couldn’t sleep Thursday night, thinking that I was going to have to put her down before Christmas. Today, she slept in really late, but when I got the leash out, she wanted to go out, so we walked around the front yard in the grass. She didn’t make it to the park, but she walked and sniffed around the lawn, and back inside we played our hide and seek treat game. (Basically, I toss crumbs all over the living room, and she forces herself up to search them out.) In the afternoon, she came into my home office a few times to check in and sleep.

Goddamn, I love Remy so much. I really wish she could live forever. She’s such a good girl. I left a message for the vet this afternoon to see why she might have regressed and to ask if there was anything more I could do to make her more comfortable. They said that she’s on quite a bit of medication now, so she shouldn’t be regressing… My only hope is that we simply overdid it on the exercise on Wednesday, and she was sore Thursday. I dunno. Wishfully hoping, I suppose.

In other news, I found out that I almost missed the deadline for quiz #3 of my marketing class. You see, normally, the quizzes happen every three weeks, but with this last one, it was only two weeks. Whatever. I did it this afternoon and scored an A. I’m a nerd that way. This is our last week of lectures, and then the final exam is next week!

I got the best news ever  this afternoon (regarding the ranch). I followed up with the YMCA program director, whom I had met earlier this week. He got the green light from his boss, and now they’re thinking to book FOUR weeks instead of the original TWO!! I am so thrilled. Gotta finish the year off strong, you know?

I’m also making strides this week with info interviews. I have one lined up on Monday with a very prestigious foundation just down the street. Then, I’m scheduling another one after Christmas with a different foundation, also not far from home. Time to get this whip crackin’, you know?

Tonight, I’m going to my friend’s retirement party for work. 33 years. I’m taking lentil soup and butternut squash/spinach lasagna. I hope people eat it all up! Party time.

NaBloPoMo Ends Today!

Well, I did it! Thirty days of blogging. Yippee! I’m not sure if I’ll continue, beyond this one-month mark but hey, it was kinda fun. I mean, I like writing, so I guess it wasn’t really that hard to just do something I enjoy every day…

So Remy update. The temps last night dipped below freezing, and even though I put her next to a heater, she seemed really achy again. We didn’t make it to the park at all. In the afternoon,  I called the vet to inquire about the meds. For example, at what point should I start to see the max positive effect of the drugs? After 3 days? After one week? I had to ask the tech the question a couple times, but it seems like a pretty straight-forward inquiry to me. You know, like you have an ailment. You take meds. There’s some improvement. Is the improvement supposed to keep ramping up over time as you take the meds longer, or does it plateau at a certain point. So she called me back, and the vet said one week on the  Meloxicam + Tramadol combo. By Sunday, it will be five days, and I hope that’ll be a good enough read. In the meantime, the vet said to keep exercising her so the muscles don’t atrophy and to add glucosamine. The pet stores are already closed, so I ordered on Amazon and they arrive tomorrow. Gotta love Amazon. I guess I could have gotten it in the morning, but eh, I’m a unabomber these days.

Today I had an info interview with someone who now works at Duke. She was super, super helpful. She’s been going through her own exploratory process, so she suggested a few personal dev/growth books and just shared some really helpful insights and observations about foundation work. I’m so thankful. We talked for TWO hours. Tomorrow I hope to go forth implementing some of her suggestions.

Turkey Day!

Thanksgiving is usually my favorite holiday of the year, but I kinda woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I had trouble falling asleep last night, and then after drifting in and out of sleep this morning, I finally got my ass out of bed around 10. The cooking and prep began almost immediately. John and I had some disagreement over how to make the turkey… in the end, it took like 3 hrs. instead of the 1 hr. expected for a butterflied bird. I dunno what the hell happened, but our thermometer was busted, and John suspects the oven temp sensor is broken. John’s sister S and her beau came over in the afternoon. Among the four of us, we could have easily fed like 20 people. Thankfully, her boyfriend is a big eater and a big fan of leftovers, so they got sent home with a rather large bundle.

This morning, I heard Remy pacing around our bed, and then in the hallway, I heard her legs dragging a bit more than usual. I immediately got up and found a trail of nuggets. Poor thing. I hope tomorrow fares better. I’ve been turning on an old heating blanket for the two pups at night. I can’t decide if the heat is better for her achy legs, or if it makes things worse for once she leaves the bed. Goddamn, she has slowed down so much in the last several months.

So the holiday meal came out ok. Everything we made was edible, but just nothing mind blowing. I made cran sauce, bread dressing, and butternut squash-spinach salad.. John made sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes, and actually did the turkey while I watched. S brought mac and cheese and green bean casserole. For dessert, I made banana-Nutella bread (didn’t turn out so great via the NuWave oven) and we bought pumpkin pie. So yeah, we kinda gorged ourselves. The weather is supposed to be stellar tomorrow (68 deg), so I hope that we will go biking or maybe even rollerblading. In the evening, we have tickets to the SJ Improv. J and I had a talk this evening about trying to live our lives differently– in a way that pushes us a bit beyond our comfort zones. I’m hopeful.

I’m reminded today to count my blessings. I have a lot of good people in my life, and I am thankful. Happy Thanksgiving my friends!

Never Ending Journey

I had the worst time falling asleep last night. First, I hadn’t responded to a friend’s email in like five days (an eternity in “interwebs” time), so I did that. Then I did some late night LinkedIn research, then brainstorming for the ranch… I just couldn’t shut the mind down. Next thing, it’s 3 a.m. and I’m still wide awake. When I did finally fall asleep, I had a bad dream. I dreamed that John and I got into a fight about taking time off for vacation. Then I started wailing in my sleep. John had to shake me out of it.

By morning, I was super groggy. I sent out a few more emails (in my zombie state), and then started tuning into the keynote speech at Dreamforce. Yeah, the CEO is a bit campy and salesy, but I dunno, I felt motivated and energized. So I decided to head into the city to check out the expo hall. Public transit took about 1:30, and then I walked a mile to the Moscone Center. I met a friend/former co-worker, but at that point, he wasn’t all that impressed by the production. I dunno: maybe I’m easy. We grabbed lunch and then hit the hall. The place was mobbed, and since we didn’t work for a legit 501(c)(3) nonprofit, we never got a free account to try out. We didn’t even really know what the heck this Salesforce software was. We went to the exhibit hall hoping there would be demos, but no luck.

Finally, we walked half a mile to the SF Hilton where Salesforce was pitching it’s foundation arm focused on helping nonprofits. We still didn’t see a demo, but at least we did a lot of networking. Apparently, everyone is now drinking the Salesforce Kool-Aid. I’m thinking this will be a tech tool I’ll need to learn for future marketability. Yup, always thinking ahead!

By 4:30 p.m., I was pooped and it was raining outside. I stopped by the hotel concierge desk to do a bit of research for the ranch (I told you I’m always hustlin’), and then I headed home. The plan was BART to Caltrain to Hillsdale Mall for a few hours, and then catch a ride home with Bubbey. Well, long story short, I got on the wrong Caltrain, it didn’t stop at the mall, it didn’t stop in Menlo Park where I thought I’d switch back to the local train, it didn’t stop in Mountain View, and suddenly I was in fucking Sunnyvale. Ugh. I tried to make the best of my dilemma: I grabbed a tasty dinner at my favorite Mediterranean spot called Dish Dash. Somehow, John had a sixth sense that something was wrong, and he texted me to see if I had gotten home ok. I was trying to keep my flub from him, but somehow he knew. So I finished up my dinner and headed back on the train for home. By then, the rain really started coming down. When I arrived at our home stop, I went to the wrong side, and then we were calling each other back and forth. Of course, as is always the case with our goddamn “smart” phones, they never work when they need to!! Seriously, he couldn’t hear me. Back and forth, back and forth, in the pouring rain.  Finally, after texting, we synced up. And of course, my parents were calling me for more computer issues. Jesus Christ. They must think I am sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day– like I should be on call 24/7 for tech support. So yeah, got home, dealt with their printer issues, more OS updates, and now I’m exhausted.

Meanwhile, Remy’s cyst on her eyelid started bleeding yesterday, and I think it’s scratching her eye. I really want to just cut it off myself, because she will stay still for me. I dunno. I put a bunch of Neosporin on. Poor Remy. Aging has been such a challenge for her.

Imagining the Life

I had a pretty productive day today. In the morning, I met up with S and S at the ranch. We went out for a trail ride, and I reunited with Master for the first time in months. I’d forgotten how tall that horse is: it was a real struggle getting the saddle that high up above my shoulders. And then he was giving me a real tough time putting the bit into his mouth. Once we got on the trails, he was good, albeit a bit slower than Chip. Anyway, the highlight really was that this was my first time having a meeting, like a real business meeting, while riding horseback. Fucking awesome!! Really different without my laptop and notes: in fact, I was kinda worried about getting all my thoughts out and remembering what we discussed afterwards, but shit, the experience was pretty damn cool. We had a great meeting: there’s lots to do. After we got back to the office, S told me the target areas he was interested in having me work on, and I’m thinking I’d love to give this a go until the end of the year. The work arrangement is very flexible: work from home, on my own; we’ll meet every Thursday as we did today, and then I’ll get commissions with a cut that I think is reasonable. So still a lot of details are up in the air, but I’m willing to just give it a whirl to see where this all leads. Super stoked.

In the afternoon, a guy from the city came over to the house to conduct a water audit. Yeah, our water bills have looked way excessive to me and not surprisingly, the primary culprit is our beautiful, lush, green lawn. The city has a program where owners can get landscape rebates for converting their lawns to low water yards. Interestingly enough, the guy said we are doing surprisingly well given how nice our yard looks. So that was comforting, but still. We are going to keep the lawn in the backyard for the pups, but I’m thinking that the front lawn will have to go. Even if by local standards, 200+ gallons per day is good, that volume still blows my mind. So yes, I’ll be playing my “how low can you go” game with that. Haha.

In the evening, I attended a Bay Area Girl Geek networking event at Cisco. The panel of speakers were so inspiring. One common theme: complacency stifles growth. The women talked about doing new things, taking on challenging projects even in the face of fear. Their words really resonated with me, and it got me thinking that this ranch opportunity really is a chance to live the unconventional life I’ve been dreaming about. It IS scary, and a part of me thinks that I’ll still need to return to a standard 9-5 job where the pay and everything else is stable and structured and predictable, but maybe this is where the risk-taking needs to come into play. The other partner at the ranch also runs an events/catering business. As the women at Cisco said yesterday, “you have to see it to believe it and then do it.” What does it mean to run a business (a non-enterprise software business)? I am anxious about the uncertainty and newness, but I am also so curious. Someone last night defined risk-taking as: knowing your comfort zone, feeling curious about something outside of that, feeling fear, and then going forward anyway to pursue that curiosity. That’s where my mind is going now…

Late to the Game

I attended my first blogging conference last July in Chicago: the BlogHer 2013. At the end of the 3-day conference, I’ll admit: my verdict on the conference was really ho hum. I mean, yes, I loved the keynotes, especially the talks by Ree Drummond and Sheryl Sandberg, but the sessions were really kinda hit or miss. Some were super chintzy with no real content/help. Others were too general. Yet there was no denying that BlogHer, with its 5,000 conference attendees, had community and critical mass. I decided to keep BlogHer on my radar.

In early September, after I launched Giddy Go, Cowgirl, it seemed like an obvious next step to join the BlogHer Network. I hadn’t really dug around the site too deeply, but 1) BlogHer actually has an office nearby in Belmont, so somehow being local made them more appealing and 2) I couldn’t help but be impressed by its massive aggregation (one-stop shop) of blogs. There was also something attractive about women bloggers supporting other women bloggers. What would joining the network do for me? I really had no idea. As it turned out, my blog needed to be up and running for 90 days before I could even apply to join. So fine, BlogHer went under the radar again.

Then at the end of October, BlogHer 2014 was announced to be in… San Jose! Yes, practically in my backyard, so I have to go again. Where am I going with all this in and out, on and off BlogHer activity? I don’t know, but I’m taking these steps one at a time. Normally, I would adopt a very all or nothing approach. Either go full force, guns ablazin’ or don’t even bother. But I’m trying a new paradigm. For now, curiosity is enough for me to take just one step forward. So I’m registered for BlogHer 2014 in July 2014.

Incidentally, late last night, I came across a tweet calling today (November 5) the last day to join NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month. What is that? Several months ago when I was taking my Uncover Your Calling class, my coach had mentioned NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month where every day participants write a part for a novel that they complete at the end of the month. It sounded interesting, but eh, novel writing isn’t really my thing. But NaBloPoMo apparently sprung from this concept: write a blog entry once a day for 30 days. I’ve been meaning to write more frequently… and I remember that Ree Drummond credited her frequent, daily blogging and photographing to dramatically improving the caliber of her content.

So I signed up NaBloPoMo too. Yeah, I’m already late to the game being that the month started five days ago, but I’ll just start it from here and go until December 5. One post a day. How hard can this be, right? Haha. Who knows, maybe my daily meditations will finally start kicking in and new material will come to me quickly! Fingers crossed.

NaBloPoMo November 2013

Bridge School Bust

When I bought our tickets a few months ago for the Bridge School Concert this month, I should have noticed the signs. First, I just didn’t feel all that jazzed about the lineup. Yeah, maybe it was because I hardly knew any of the people (e.g. Elvis Costello, Cosby, Stills. Nash & Young, Jenny Lewis, Diana Krall, etc.). I know, maybe I should actually know these artists, but I don’t. Remember: my excuse for such cultural illiteracies is that my parents are immigrants. And yes, I know G, your parents are immigrants too, but you were also a music (/physics/bio…) major. 😛

Anyway, after my whole Ticketmaster debacle, I should have just gotten the refund and ended the transaction right there. Nope, this would continue to be a very painful process. The day before the concert, John called his sister to confirm our plans. She and her beau were supposed to join us. Well, she ended up getting stuck in Pennsylvania for work. Then, we scrambled around last minute trying to fill our two spots. In the end, John’s office friend A joined, and we sold the fourth ticket at the event. Fine. Then, we headed out to the amphitheater early, thinking we’ll try to get good lawn seats. Nope, the lawn was super packed by the time we arrived, so we were very far back. We had a jumbotron in our direct line of sight, but far away. Incidentally, the brand-new folding chairs we bought that morning from REI? They were supposed to kick our lawn seats up a notch. Well, they weren’t allowed. We had to check that shit at the gate. Seriously, it was one thing after another. Thankfully, we packed a shitload of snacks, and they sold wines by the bottle. Haha. But man, that music was so blah. I mean, yeah, sitting far away definitely killed the live music experience, but the other issue was the schedule/song lineup. There was just no energy. I dunno if people were tired or in a drugged out stupor already or what. Totally dead. We left early. Yeah, it was that disappointing. You KNOW how cheap I am. If I buy a 3-month Groupon for $25, I will use it the entire three months even if I HATE the workouts (e.g. kickboxing). But man, for Bridge this year, we just had to cut our losses. We jetted after Jack Johnson (Banana Pancakes was probably the most pumped up song of the night!). Man, what a disappointment. The first year John went, he saw DMB, Beck, Modest Mouse, Beck, Pearl Jam… Last year, we had Foster the People, Sarah McLachlan, Ray Montangue, Kd Lang, Eddie Vedder… This year? Total bust. John says we’ll just watch the webcast from home next year. Haha, honestly, I think this is just one other indication that we are turning into old geezers: we’d rather watch a concert on tv. So stinking geriatric and lame, but heck, I can’t even deny it.