Category Archives: Events

The Whim of Others

As you probably can guess, one of my favorite aspects of my new career is the control: I get to make all the decisions related to how I want to run my business and where I want to focus my energies. The shitty part, as I’ve mentioned before, involves lead gen and related to that, dealing with people. Seriously, I encounter THE worst kinds.

For example, the other day, my friend saw a For Sale sign in her neighborhood. Thinking that it might be an opportunity for her out-of-town parents, she asked me to look into it. I learned that it was a probate sale requiring court confirmation. My coach was attending a conference, but I called him to get the low down on how that stuff works. Sometimes, things can be a little complicated when involving the attorneys and courts. He gave me some thoughts, and I reached out to the list agent. Mind you, all over the listing, the agent wrote to call him for details about the process. You know, like it was complicated and needed explanation. I had been out and about, so I emailed him first asking for whatever info he could provide. I told him I would call the next morning. He replies with three lines: cash only, court date, bids above XYZ, vacant.

So Saturday rolls around, and I call him around noon. I was very polite. Do you have a few minutes to talk? Yes. So I start asking him about the protocol, including why the offer has to be cash only and how is the bidding done. I throw out what my coach says just as a starting point to confirm the accuracy, and then the agent cuts me off, saying my info is all wrong. I ask him a few clarifying questions, and he says, “Do you have a managing broker? You need that person to train you up on this. I’m not going to train you on my time.” I just say a few more words and then he cuts me off and says, “I’m done. Have you even seen it yet?” No, I was planning to see it tomorrow. “Call me after you see it.” Click.

He was so incredibly rude. I looked him up afterwards to see where a bastard like this comes from, and he was a former director of the CA Association of Realtors. Say what??? I mean, I get it. Time is precious and I probably should have read the special probate contract before calling, but I thought it would just take a few minutes and I wanted to glean some additional info about the sale. Nope. Could NOT be bothered. I mean, Jesus Christ. As a former director, he could at least be professional and nice. Just tell me you’re busy and advise that I contact my broker for more details… Sheesh. I was so annoyed by this behavior. And yet, what can you do. I have to just shake it off and move on. Part of the job. God, what an asshole he was!

Meanwhile, I’m still working with four buyers. All of them all over the damn place. Seriously. One day, a buyer’s adult daughter tells me he’s in the market for duplexes in Santa Clara County, $1.2 to $1.5M budget. Less than 24 hrs later, scratch all that: The Dad actually wants a mobile home. I don’t want to be elitist or anything BUT mobile homes are an entirely different beast, bc they are not real property. They are like vehicles. And the budget is $200-$300k with mobile home parks as far as south county.

I’ve been going out to see places with my other buyer. Never sees anything he likes. If there is something the slightest bit interesting, personal stuff keeps coming up (he has a newborn) and we never proceed to reviewing disclosures and writing an offer.

My third buyers are the Chinese couple from out of state. They keep wanting what is simply not in our market: new construction, large lot. I keep sending them the new actives, and nothing interests them. I ask if they want to alter their criteria. No, we want to wait.

Finally, this morning, they contact me about a new listing that’s new construction but smaller lot (so they ARE modifying their parameters). It opens tomorrow with all the disclosures posting then. By this afternoon, they say, forget it– it’s close to the Caltrain. I suggest another new construction in Menlo Park. What about this? What about a third new one in Mountain View? Nope. We wait. So here I am, two months of hard core hustling (still dealing with my cough, btw) and still at Square 1. I’m so frustrated.

Tonight, I have my second homebuying class of the month. For the first class, eight people registered. Three came. People think just bc something is free they can blow through shit. It’s way inconsiderate, but then again, I dunno why I would be surprised. Tonight’s class has six people registered. It’s been cold and rainy. I texted people to say I look forward to seeing them… we’ll see if that does anything. I called John and he said he’s all stressed out for my classes. I was like, Huh? Why are YOU stressed? Bc it’s so much work and prep and setup and then no one comes.

I mean, it IS demoralizing. My second class last May was like 30 minutes past start time and NO ONE showed. I was about to cry. Now I feel ok though. I mean, I do have to schelp folders and handouts and drinks and goodies and all that. But at least I pretty much know my slides so it’s not like I wasted weeks rehearsing. Fingers crossed tonight will be a decent turnout.

Driving Dirty

So the other weekend while driving home from a party, we got pulled over by the cops. Thankfully, J was driving and after answering a slew of questions and showing our registration/ID, we were let off. But the incident reminded me of several things. For one, privilege. As we pulled off the exit with the lights flashing behind us, my heart began pounding and a thought flashed through my head: thank goodness we aren’t black. Seriously, after all the exposure in the news in recent years, I just don’t trust law enforcement like I used to. Sure, they have a very difficult job… a job that I would never ever want no matter the pensions or perks, but still, over and over again, PDs across the country have done horrible things.

The good thing is, Bubbey is white and on top of that, he has some world-class level EQ. Immediately off the bat, the officer was asking where we were driving from, where to, and he had all these leading questions:

Were you at the downtown bars?
No. We came from a friend’s house.

What were you doing there? Where are you headed? Have you been drinking?
REPEATED questions about drinking, even after J gave answers.
So if you were to take a breathalyzer, it would show one drink at dinner three hours ago?
Yes.
Really? Are you sure?
Yes.

The cop said Bubs committed multiple vehicle violations:
1. He changed lanes without a signal,
2. He was speeding above 80 mph,
3. and he was unaware of his surroundings.

First of all, when J merged from the exit ramp onto the freeway, he kinda cut off the guy in the big black SUV but also, the guy didn’t bother to slow down and continued to ride his ass. Then, to get away from this agro dude, J changed lanes and the guy just followed on his ass, so he changed lanes twice and the guy was still on him. Then he just continued for a few miles with this asshole riding his butt. As it turned out, the big SUV was the cop!

So J wasn’t unaware, he was trying to figure out how to distance from this agro driver. But he gave none of those explanations. He just said, he knew he was speeding but thought it was 75 not 80. Also, he thought he had depressed the blinker. And he saw the car behind him but didn’t realize it was a cop.

I mean, I gotta say, had I been in the driver seat, all would have been over. I probably would have mentioned that Mr. Copper was riding my butt, making me nervous and causing me to speed up. Yeah, see: what and how info is communicated is VERY important. Nevermind that I used to be a communications professional. Haha, all bets are off when it comes to dealing with the popos.

When I asked Bubs where he got all that wherewithal, he credited all his gangster movies. It’s all about the mind games and strategies. Shrug. That Godfather shit sure came in handy!

Toughening Up

At the start of this month, I vowed to mentally toughen up. Frankly, I was tired of thwarting myself with disparaging thoughts and self-imposed impediments. I saw how so many other agents made progress, not necessarily by having greater knowledge or more experience, but simply by being bold(er).

So, I revisited some old leads. I contacted John’s former coworker, whom I’d pitched back in July. I noticed that the agent they selected hadn’t closed any more deals… maybe the house hunt went on hold? Maybe they didn’t like her? I reached out to see how things were going. They just closed on that investment property.

Then, I emailed a friend of G’s. A few months ago, G told me her doc friend was searching in Fremont… I sat on that lead, bc 1) I felt intimidated since that person already owns multiple properties. (She seemed like a real estate pro!) 2) I also didn’t feel very knowledgeable about East Bay. Well, after I finally shifted my mindset last week and reached out, she already became someone else’s client. Finally, I contacted my Sunnyvale clients. I hadn’t heard from them much since closing in July. I bought some cookies as a gift for Mid-Autumn Festival last week. I emailed if there was a time for me to stop by and chat. No reply. On Thursday, I dropped off the gift in person and chatted with the wife’s mother, who incidentally, was visiting from China. She was a delightful lady: she said they were happy there. That evening, the buyer emailed me thanks. He’d let me know when his friends are looking to buy. The most unemotional and taciturn email ever. So 0-3, basically.

Normally, such a series of disappointments would have me in tears afterwards. But strangely, I’m at peace with it. I still think I did a good consult appointment with John’s coworker and his wife. The Fremont lead? That’s a lesson learned. As for my buyers… now that time has passed since my transaction, I can honestly look back and feel proud of how hard I worked for them.

And of course, the focus is on moving forward. I scored a sweet open house for this Sunday. Unfortunately, after I prepped my flyers, door hangers, and everything, I got a call late Friday night from the list agent: the sellers received three offers, and the house is now pending. Fucking A.

But, that’s this biz. Shit turns on a dime. So instead, I made plans with my loan agent to prep for my upcoming homebuying class on October 21. Also, I’m starting my farming mailings this month, so there are a gabillion steps with running database queries, creating my postcards in Publisher, and researching the printers. Holy crap, you have no idea how long all the printers take to turn around those postcards. I’ll get them mid October and then I have to apply the labels and postage. Ugh. I really hope I get some leads from these mailings.

Beyond work, I got my hair chopped. My hairdresser is so funny. She was so relieved I was getting a new style. She said as she saw me walking through the door, she said to herself, “Gosh, I hope she does something different today.” Haha. Of course when I met with my loan agent today, she’s a super blunt Vietnamese chick. She was like, “You can’t get a cut like that and not style it!!!”. Apparently, I’m supposed to be flat ironing that shit. SMH. Not gonna happen, woman.

What else. I was so stoked for my latest ThredUp order, and well, fuck me. Nothing fits!! I mean, I dunno why I’m surprised given my sedentary lifestyle… Man, I had to send nearly all of it back. Time to move up a size. Sigh. I mean, in my defense, I did do a very rigorous deep cleaning of the house today: laundry, changed the sheets, cleaned the windows, mopped the floors, vacuumed the carpets, took care of all the recyclables… I worked up a sweat, for real. I know, I’m always looking for shortcuts to fitness. 🙁 I guess I’ll be on the cereal diet for the next 8 days.

Ok, I am pooped. I went to a meetup dinner today– a new Asian ladies in Mountain View thing. Not too bad. I’m hoping one or two of them can be my karaoke or ukulele buddies. We’ll see. Too early to tell.

Ain’t About that Life

So J’s youngest sister S turned 40 this week and last weekend she had a big bash. The key takeaways from her party? 1. She is one helluva woman. Lots of friends. Surrounded by lots of love. She’s incredibly generous and gracious and that is reflected by the tremendous turnout. 2. I ain’t about that party life.

First, I was nervous enough about attending a party in the city. What can I say, I’m a sheltered suburban princess who is getting softer by the minute. Blame the overly protective parents and privileged upbringing. Blame living in Mountain View. I dunno. Naturally, the party was held at a bar… another unfamiliar setting for me. Yes, I’m over 40 but I can admit that bars and lounges have just never really been my setting. But whatever, it wasn’t my bday, it wasn’t my shindig, so what the heck, I just sucked up the discomfort and went.

So the thing is, I am all about the social awkwardness and discomfort. I mean, I have done my fair share of striking up conversations with strangers, right? Door-knocking, flyering, standing outside the Whole Foods, whatever… I tried REALLY hard to have conversations with strangers at the party. They did not go well. I mean, I survived and I can force myself through ANYTHING, but the final note was not a good one. I somehow got trapped talking to a dude who was super preachy. Honestly, at first, I thought we would be on the same page bc he was all into the leadership guru philosophies: you know, have passion, be open minded, live and grow, etc. He’s a life coach, btw. But as the conversation continued, I got an earful of preachiness. Holy cow. I said I was tired and kinda talked out— ready to go home. By that point (Saturday evening 11:30pm), I had spoken to maybe 50 people that day. I had hosted an open house earlier that day and it was especially busy, with over 40 people coming through. Then you know, I was trying to be social at the bday bash. I talked to a LOT of people. Well apparently, being tired and exhausted from people interaction was not the right mindset. I got a talking to about my bad attitude and my shitty perspective. Then I was told that I should go to Burning Man, bc it’s not at all about drugs or sex… it’s just about love. Pure. love. Um, okay…

I’m glad we went to the party, bc this was an occasion to celebrate S. But man, for as many uncomfortable social situations I have been in, I have never so consistently felt out of place and awkward as that night. I kept trying to decipher whether the mismatch was due to city dwellers vs. suburbanites, introverts vs. extroverts, single people vs. partnered people, under 40 vs. over 40, nerdy people vs. cool people… I dunno. I just could not figure it out. But definitely, I ain’t about that life. Holy crap, the worlds were colliding.

Also, it was a wig party. Now given my history with Sasha Fierce, you’d think I’d be all up in that fake hair shit. I tried my best to be in the mood. But then that fake head of hair was itchy and hot as hell. You know me and my sensitive skin. Back to my bubble, pronto!! 🙂

Shortcuts

I gotta admit: anxiety is a strange beast. I mean, I always have some chronic level of anxiety: honestly, I feel it’s just a part of life when you’re an over thinker and/or a perfectionist. There is always something to worry about and obsess over bc shit’s just not quite right.

It’s funny though bc even though I identify as an over thinker, I don’t really consider myself a perfectionist. That’s a totally separate thing, and given my nonchalance about the details of our home reno, I do feel I have a certain freedom that perfectionists don’t necessarily have. Like the old shower tile work wasn’t completely straight but heck, I never even noticed until now… like seven years later. We ran out of floor tile and another box of it was on backorder for months, so we just substituted a similar but DIFFERENT tile for underneath the vanity. It’s covered up anyway.

And I kinda do hacks/shortcuts like this all the time. Just yesterday, I had my first homebuying class right? I wore my new CAbi jumpsuit with my Vince Camuto peep toe booties. My feet are looking rough these days. I just haven’t been doing my usual home pedis. So my toes were looking bad. And my event was set to start in one hour. My solution? I put on my shoes and just painted the exposed toes. Yeah, I couldn’t even be bothered to polish the ring and pinky toes on my feet. Oh well, that’s just going to have to do. And I do nutty shit like that all the time. I had this bedazzled necklace on a fabric backing that just would NOT lay flat. I kept re-tying it to get it right, but it just kept folding over itself, so fuck it: I pulled a Donald Trump tie trick. That’s right: I got a piece of packing tape, doubled it into a loop, and voila, that mofo stayed flat against my shirt. Of course, as the day wore on and the tie/sash loosened, that middle medallion sat nonsensically perfectly positioned. What can I say: I gotta pick and choose my battles, man.

So the thing I’ve noticed in the last several weeks is that anxiety compounds itself. I got so wound up over everything that 24 hrs later, I am still trying to fully decompress. It’s like my body got used to the elevated stress and then almost forgot how to come back down from it.

Right now I’m en route to Nashville, and it’s funny but my college bud’s girlfriend is an uber planner, so I am just showing up. I mean, overall, I enjoy travel planning, esp bc I have my process down, but every now and then, I certainly appreciate the luxury of just showing up. Seriously, after we settled on the dates MONTHS ago, she researched and booked lodging, car, and created a Google docs filled with things to do. I didn’t have to coordinate with the AirBnb lady. No searching things to do on TripAdvisor or any of the travel guides. Bam, it’s already done. Thank goodness, bc I have been maxed out and would not have made time for it on my plate.

In other news, my bathroom reno is still happening. It’s SO frustrating but essentially, after we selected our GC, we thought the only piece he was going to outsource was plumbing. However, after the project got underway, he ended up outsourcing electrical, tile work, painting… I ended up using our gardener’s brother bc he was available sooner and I wanted to try him out, but that has turned out disappointing too. He works full time and then does our stuff after hours, and things have just dragged on bc he can’t come every day. The interplay def has not been optimal and I’m super frustrated by it but I am learning for the future. Construction project management is only good when you have a well-oiled army of good, reliable, punctual contractors. That’s what it all boils down to. I had to ride my painter already and it was not comfortable, and now I know for next time that I want a very specific schedule breakdown and calendar of availability. Sure, it’s not the end of the world, but a month plus was just way longer than I had allotted in my mind. Right now, we should be done by the end of next week. Ugh. I just want to put crap away into the new vanity and remove all that junk lying around my bedroom floor.

Meanwhile, our friends recently got their master bath majorly re-done. The project dragged on for months and months. Finally, it was done and they enjoyed their new monster bathtub several times, only to discover water leaks three floors down in the garage. And no one knows why that is happening but clearly, the new bathroom is the culprit and all that beautiful new chevron porcelain tile is gonna have to come out. Major shit. Plumbing problems are THE worst. For a split second, I entertained the idea of being a female plumber. I figured solid waste engineering already prepped me for the conditions, but nope. Too many problems with water damage. I’m out.

What else. Oh, I attended a CAbi networking event on Monday. My friend T had suggested at the host party that I should become a CAbi stylist. It’s basically a Pampered Chef but with clothes. Frankly, I’m already knee-deep in the throes of a sales job and I’m already overwhelmed. But, I got invited to the event and I figured it would be another opportunity to meet new people. It was ok, and I always like learning about organizations where women are entrepreneurial and you know, flourishing in business. Still, those multilevel marketing programs are just hard for me to accept. I like the clothes. I do think they are much nicer worn than hanging on display, but I mean, I’m almost exclusively a second-hand clothing woman now. I just don’t value clothes enough to pay $80-$100 for a blouse and $130+ for jeans or pants. Since the hosted party event I attended last month, I found CAbi stuff on Schoola and Thredup, so I’ve been acquiring more pieces– just not at full price. Regardless, it was an ok event and I made some new connections. But shit, I am tired.

Like a Delicate Flower

So we got back from Pasadena on Monday, and then I got John’s cold. Yesterday, I was feeling way better, so I attended the broker meeting and house tours (check out this gorgeous Eichler in Sunnyvale!) followed by a meeting with a title agent and then the Ditch the Bitch Stigma meetup group. Today, I am sick again with a stuffy nose and head congestion. Fucking A. As tough as I always like to think myself to be, I am annoyingly delicate. Fucking bullshit.

The meetup group last night was really excellent. The organizer is a coach and speaker, so we had a really intelligent conversation among eight women about feminism, communication styles, and the whole bitch stigma. Basically, anytime a woman voices her opinion and sets boundaries on anything– be it at work or through personal interactions/relationships– she gets called a bitch. I was really pleasantly surprised by the conversation. Bc the facilitator is super well-read on feminism and on privilege, I felt like I was back in my women’s studies class at Duke. That class was one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life, bc it showed me how conservative and self-righteous and closed-minded and sheltered I really was. Yesterday, we talked about power dynamics, societal and cultural expectations, privilege, stereotypes, and “punching up” vs. “punching down”… it was some meaty shit. All and all, I was super pleased until the very end, where I was standing up, packed up, and ready to leave… somehow the conversation turned to the facilitator’s background and specialty: she is a former stripper and dominatrix and as a coach/speaker now, she specializes in sexuality and power and kink. Yup, leave it to me to find the one meetup group where prudish old Vix has to hear about a former dom’s past clients with fetishes in bondage and humiliation… OMFG.

That’s the tricky thing about feminism, right? There are the multiple waves and the newest wave embraces sexuality, sex work, and I mean all that shit STILL makes me uncomfortable bc I am a prude. I always think back to when I used to work for the feminist organization. The older staff were you know, marching about abortion rights and equal pay and such, but the younger feminists did that PLUS they really embraced sexuality and a woman’s choice to engage in sex work. They would run fundraisers on their college campuses selling Pussy Pops (lollipops shaped like vaginas!). Yup. Too much freedom of expression for me!!!

Then last night, one attendee– on hearing about the facilitator’s past work– really got into the conversation and shared that she had attended a sex workshop in SF where she and her spouse were connected to each other by two straps of webbing, with hooks on each end–  one set of hooks pierced into her upper chest and one set into her spouse’s upper chest. Then, both people faced each other and leaned back, held up by the tension of the webbing!?!?!? They say it was some kind of trust exercise. Uh, what??? Yup, I endured that conversation while making cringe faces and then I darted out of there. I mean, had I been a version of my younger naive self, I would have internally and externally flipped the fuck out. But now that I’m a seasoned, more exposed (and composed) adult, the freak out was limited to internal only. I don’t think I’ll ever get to that level of comfort and exploration re: sex, but I am able to stand there and listen… Yup. Holy fuck. I tell ya. I get a LOT of stories from my Meetup adventures!

Not Ready

Today was a very emotionally draining day. Martin has progressively gotten weaker: his hind legs are giving out more often causing him to stumble or fall over, mentally he’s becoming more and more confused, and then today he puked three times even after I gave him his subcutaneous injection. Normally, the subq makes him feel loads better and it brings out his appetite. But I suppose the way kidney disease works, the body eventually just can’t process protein and even with the additional fluids flushing out the system, it’s not enough. In late afternoon, John and I started getting ready for a friend’s holiday party in SF. Right as we were about to go, that’s when he puked three times in a row. And then Martin was super weak. I decided to stay home with him, and then I proceeded to cry my eyes out as he slept. In the last few weeks, a few people have asked me when I’m going to make the decision. Perhaps that was their subtle way of telling me they think it’s time? This whole while I’ve been feeling tired and ready for this to be over, and yet once it really felt imminent, I pretty much lost it. And I realized that I will never ever be ready, no matter how exhausted I feel from the caretaking. John says we’ll see how tomorrow goes, but today he was def out of sorts, although there are still moments when he tracks me, watching and following me around the house. I’m feeling esp stressed with the upcoming holidays. Personally, I hate the holidays: it’s just too much family time and now I worry about leaving Martin in his state. It’s just a lot of mental stress.

I know all the angles: we gave him a great life, a very long life… but still. Argh, it really is the hardest part of pet ownership. Oh god, just thinking about the process and how difficult it was with Remy, lying there in the exam room… the heartbreak is unbearable, no matter how much I try to rationalize or explain or self soothe.

I have a busy week ahead for work. I feel behind, now being four weeks in. Last week, I attended some association meetings and shit, there are so many economic/political/global trends to follow. Like with Trump, what are the implications should his tax plans go through, i.e., changes to income tax, capital gains, tax deductions, repeal of the estate tax, changes in interest rates… fuck man, all those metrics that my father tracks, I will now have to know for my work. I’m ok with learning it all and with gaining a better understanding of how all of this is interconnected but it’s still overwhelming. 

Meanwhile, I’ve been reaching out to a lot of people from my past, and some people have responded promptly, others who knows if they will even reply. One friend is actually looking to buy a house right now, but they just signed on with another agent. I know it’s a slow process of building the pipeline, but already I’m worried (bc I’m impatient).

I had lunch with my friend J the other day. She’s the sassy older lady who’s always doing something fun. Yup, she is headed to Mexico with her daughter’s family for Christmas. She was very encouraging about my career in real estate. Maybe she’ll know people. I told her about that Linkages time bank program, and she was thrilled by the idea.

Yesterday afternoon John and I went to the Santa Clara County historic homes tour… a wonderful idea but a little rough in its execution. Of course, I enjoy touring homes. That said, I’ve never really been a fan of old things. You know how some people, like my MIL, really cherish the quality and the craftsmanship of things from the past. So this tour was all about retaining original features and showcasing pieces and artifacts from way long ago. It looked pretty cool and I appreciated that the homeowners share that passion, but for John and me, we’re much more of the looks good but is cheap and replaceable mentally. I know, totally not environmental but I guess I feel like you have to be too careful around old antiquey things. Anyway, it’s interesting to see the lengths people go to in order to preserve and restore the old. The best thing about the tour: I visited the home of a former coworker and it was an absolutely adorable and charming California bungalow. We caught up for a while and it was so nice reconnecting. Her kid, who was 2 when I last saw him, is now 5!! I enjoyed touring their home. John commented that I always feel happy when I see my friends, family, and acquaintances living comfortably. I guess that’s really true. I mean, the world can be a tough and unforgiving place, so seeing people I know doing well gives me great comfort.

Anyway, I’m suddenly very tired. My face is swollen from all the crying about Marty. Going to hit the sack early and try to start fresh tomorrow.

The Gamers

As you know, I joined a board gamers meetup group this week. As it turned out, they had a gathering in Mountain View the very next day, so I went. The venue was a place called GameKastle… the former Daiso location inside a strip mall shopping center very close to my home. Let’s just say, I turned up and immediately, I knew this was not the crowd I was expecting.

So here’s the thing about me. I have this bizarre naivete aka lack of pop culture awareness. In my head when I joined a board game group, I was picturing like my friends and people who came to the Game Nights that I used to host– and I was expecting to play games like UNO, Taboo, or Cranium. Maybe like Scrabble or Pictionary. Nope, I was waaaaay off.

The venue, while a very cool idea, was cold… a huge space with just blue walls. The left side of the store had games for sale and on the right side, the place was set up with a bunch of long tables, like a cafeteria or a hackathon. Separating the two areas was long shelves of games.

Of course I showed up at the start of the meetup, punctually at 6pm. There were only a handful of people there, and well, they were all dudes and they were like Dungeons & Dragons type dudes. Throughout the store on the walls were plastered banners of fantasy art and looking at the games these guys brought, I had never even heard of them before. Um, hello. Total intimidation. Great.

So then I headed over to the shelves and shelves of games. There was maybe one pack of dominoes and other than that, NOTHING recognizable to me. Absolutely zippo. Oh shit, what the fuck am I gonna do for like four hours???

An Asian dude walked in and I started asking him some questions, explaining it was my first time at this meetup. When I mentioned the kind of games I wanted to play, he kinda said, yeah those games are pretty light. We focus on strategy games. The thing is, I like games, but I’m a slow learner and even though I have no issue reading directions/instructions on how to assemble furniture or set up computers, I HATE reading game instructions. For some reason, games are something I absorb better being taught in person… so I stood there by the games, with my stress levels going up. Would these hardcore gamers be keen on a newbie joining at their table? Do I pick a random game and try to figure it out myself? Argh!!! Honestly, I almost went home, but something inside told me to try harder.

So I went up to a random table (there were three groups set up by now) with three geeky guys– one dude was young, had a crazy white dude fro, glasses, and a big Google badge around his neck. The other two were guys in their 50s. The game was Favor the Pharaoh and the setup looked super complicated with a gabillion dice, cards, tokens, plus cutout pyramids. Oh god. So I pulled up a chair and offered to just observe as it appeared fro dude was already explaining the rules… he was the only one familiar with the game. Well a minute later, one of the older gents gets up and offers me his spot. Um, what? No, I just want to watch. But he doesn’t want to play. He wants to play the Mars game at the next table. So now Fro dude is irritated and he’s kinda Aspergery… he asks impatiently, do you want to play or not. Ok, sure. I’ll try it out.

So I mean, he was very nice with having to start over and explain the different aspects of the game. Honestly, my head started to hurt and I seriously felt like I was in over my head. But shit man, I was already there… no choice but to continue. Let me just say: it was a humbling experience. Why? Bc I’m retarded about certain things. Like seriously, a dumb dumb. Anything that involves strategy/theory, my brain just cannot grasp. I mean, even in Seattle, when we played games with G&J. We played three new games, and I was the ONLY one of the group who played each round super slowly and I often had to ask them to re-explain a rule that they had just read. I mean, it’s ok. I know everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but I dunno: sometimes, I still can’t help but feel a little vulnerable or inadequate or not good enough…

But whatever. I’m playing games in a social setting and I just have to get over myself, you know? Try my best and suck it up and just go with the flow even if I’m slowing it down… So I thought back to Seattle. This scenario was a bit different bc I was with strangers and who knows what tolerance they have for slow-bos… I just tried my best to get through each of my turns. At some point, another older gent showed up and just observed. He had never played this game before but holy shit, homeboy like picked up on it immediately. To the point where he was coaching me and the other dude on what to do. And this game involved all kinds of like strategy and manipulation: basically, you roll a bunch of dice and then you try to earn cards based on your dice combination: triple, two doubles, whatever. In turn, the cards give you powers to manipulate your dice or roll more dice in subsequent turns. The end goal is to get 7 of a kind. So based on the cards you have, there are a bunch of different combos you can apply to optimize your hand. So this new dude shows up and immediately within like 3 sec of me rolling my dice, has already figured out the optimal approach. Anyway, we finish the first game and the host wins. The second game, the new guy joins and he gives the host a run for his money.

By the end of the second game, the new guy was basically like, these are the best tactics for this game: optimize your tokens early on, earn cards that give you extra dice, and then use your extra rolls sooner than later… Seriously, he had the whole thing figured out in what felt like a matter of minutes. Meanwhile, the host was like, so do you guys think you understand how to play now? Bc I felt like I had to keep explaining the same things over and over again…

I mean, the game was super complicated, I said. But he corrected me, saying, “Actually, this game is one of the more simplistic ones here…” Oh diss! What could I do but chuckle, right? I mean, when you’re in the presence of someone way smarter, you just have to concede. But shit, his comment made me think of how I interact with my mother, you know? She gets so confused. Then you have to explain shit over and over again… the experience was an interesting role reversal. He then asked us what games we typically play. I named my usual and basically, all of them laughed in my face. I mean, in my defense, maybe the meetup shouldn’t be called a board game meetup, bc are my games NOT considered board games? WTF? If you only do strategy games, then I think that’s how you should market yourself! Whatever. I’m not going to be shamed for liking my games.

Obviously, from the networking perspective, this event was a dud. I mean, we hardly even introduced ourselves until the very end. SMH. That said, I’m going to go to one more of these board gaming sessions and bring Bubbey. It has the potential to be a fun shared activity… and maybe having to learn new games every time will build my mental muscles. 🙂 As for the other meetups, I found another board gamers one where the participants appear more diverse and fuddyduddy: they also incorporate bowling and potlucks and other activities. I was also very excited to find a rollerblading one, a ukulele one, and a skateboarding for adults (!!!) one. We’ll see how they all check out. Hee, hee. Now I’ve opened a can of worms!

Boring

Ok, so clearly I’ve fallen off the NaBloPoMo wagon… too much going on. I’m still pleased with my frequency of posting for though considering…

Martin is doing better after the second lug of subcutaneous fluids. He is eating again, but dang, that mental cognition is definitely starting to go. He’s constantly bumping into things and getting all tangled under the chairs, and then it seems like he doesn’t even know to go potty anymore! Like I have to force him outside and THEN in the process of walking in the yard, only then does he remember he has to piss or poop. Sigh. It’s frustrating and tiring dealing with his old doggie special needs, but shit, what else can be done?

I met with a sitter tonight. She was the only one of 12 sitters asked who agreed to a meet and greet. Technically, there was one other sitter who sounded totally on board via phone but then after I told her I was meeting with one other person, she like totally gave up. Was it a fear of rejection on her part that she’d rather take herself out of the running? I mean, what can I say, I need a super deep bench for this shit. Anyway, the lady from today works 20 minutes away with the hours 6:30-4, so she wouldn’t be home with him much except at night. But at this point, we’re out of options. And frankly, the last sitter was out nearly the entire day also, and he did great! I just hope the sitter confirms the booking tomorrow. The trip is still a month away, but I’ll feel better knowing someone has agreed to care for Martin.

Saturday’s magic show in Martinez was so much fun. It was a long drive 70 min each way but so totally worth it. The small venue. the California Magic Club, was super cozy and charming… just a complete labor of love for the owner and his posse of magicians. As we were served dinner, strolling magicians performed at the various guest tables. Then by dessert time, the stage show began. I realized that a lot of magic involves storytelling during the sleight of hand… and sometimes I don’t like the distraction, bc I want to keep my eyes focused on the tricks!! But I suppose it’s all part of the entertainment. There’s def some element of cheese to it, but at the end of the day, I just love the good, wholesome fun. Seriously, I’m so thrilled to have found this gem and for sure, my bucket list contains all of the other magic parlors across the country (there’s only a handful). That Southwest Companion Pass is gonna get used to death!

Related: I had the disappointing realization that magic is a craft that takes thousands of hours to master. One dude said his premier trick took him two years to master. And every single one of the five magicians was old, like over 50. In other words, there’s no chance that magic is gonna be my next hobby. I def don’t have the patience nor dedication. I’ll just have to continue as a spectator.

So speaking of hobbies, I met with the managing broker today– the  California native/surfer dude. I like him, but he was trying to talk to me about all the networks to tap… like what are your hobbies and activities?? Ummmmm. Yeah, I came across so boring and lame.

Uh, I do dog sitting on Rover. My hubby and I like to travel. We like to go to wineries. We like national parks. I used to work in nonprofit tech so I used to attend a lot of events in that arena. But man, judging by his stoical countenance as I rattled off these things, I could tell he wasn’t impressed. His advice to me though was to get involved in things that I would normally want to do and through that process, build my network. Ideally, these activities will involve a lot of people and people with steady income. Like my nonprofit crowd? That’s gonna be hard. And the dog clients… well not enough numbers. So I gotta think big, huge events… I see what he’s saying. But man did I feel like an anti-soc afterwards. My best idea at our meeting was to partner with a lender to hold a home buying/real estate education class for business and professional women at orgs and places where I used to take all my career and self discovery classes, i.e. Deborah’s Palm. Honestly, I felt deflated afterwards.

But later that night, John suggested that I have made good connections though classes in the past (like my friends W and I), so maybe now would be a good time to take up my Spanish or riding classes again. I think he’s onto something. The point is, I have to be planting seeds all the time… and since they’ll be at activities that I’m interested in anyway, it’s like a two birds, one stone deal. For a moment, I felt nostalgic for an older version of me: the one who used to have an activity booked every single night of the week. I used to do yoga and rollerblade and host game/craft nights, and ride horses and attend all kinds of classes– academic, language, community, etc. I was happy back then… and then circumstances shifted and things changed. I changed.

Admittedly, sometimes I get into such a zone about focusing on my work/career that I drop all my hobbies… and now that I see what has happened, I need to re-tap into that older version of me who is curious and fearless once again….

Tonight I emailed a ranch where three years ago I had thought about taking new classes. I do want to get back into the (literal) saddle. Meanwhile, I’m learning a lot about my new career by watching tech webinars and attending trainings. There are a ton of software programs to learn… Also today, I joined the national, state, and regional real estate associations and obtained my lockbox key so I can start scoping out properties. I will be ramping up for a long long while, but the lesson of the day is that I still need to balance learning the formal knowledge and tools with building my pipeline and with feeding my curiosity and nurturing my soul. With John and I both being at home, the hermetic way of life had really started to become the norm. Now, it’s time to get out and about again.

Hence, I joined a couple of meetup groups. I did meetup.com several times before in the past, like when we first moved to California and when I left my govvie job. Sadly, many of the groups were duds, but I’m willing to try it again. I signed up for a board games group and a couple of women professional groups. The board game group is actually meeting tomorrow night in downtown Mountain View. We’ll see how that goes. I’ve also rejoined the Palo Alto Lean in Circle whose meetings I used to attend regularly two years ago. Get busy living or get busy dying, right?

Mood Swings

My mood has been all over the damn place lately. This week, I was feeling super energized work-wise. Every time I’ve gone into the office (just 10 minutes away!), I’ve met some really nice and friendly people. The vibe is so welcoming and cohesive! Also, the staff are on it! Like as soon as I submitted my formal paperwork, I was set up with the email account, website, intranet access, etc. Same day service! On Friday, the office also hosted a holiday party, and it was a lovely spread. I asked about taking something, and the organizers were all like: oh no, we’re ordering food so don’t worry about it. Mind you, this whole last month or two, bc I couldn’t formally submit my docs, I haven’t even had to pay any business fee or anything to attend all the trainings. They don’t care. They seem to really understand the concept of building goodwill. Anyway, I feel really good about my decision to join this office.

Of course, just as all of the work stuff is ramping up, Marty is not doing well. He is uncomfortable/restless at night. We administered 400 ml of fluids two days ago, and yesterday, he started eating again but his legs are increasingly weak. He’s been trembling a lot more, and then this morning, he was too weak to do much beyond going into the backyard. I just gave him another 350 ml this morning. If he’s not better by tomorrow, I’m going to take him to the vet. The decline is inevitable and yet my mind is still in some kind of denial… Thank goodness we aren’t traveling for Thanksgiving.

In other news, John and I are on weird sleep schedules again. I try to sleep in (wake up between 8-9AM) while he’s up early, but by mid-day, he’s all crashed out. He’s been reading a book lately about dictatorships and the principles of power and then watching new tv series like Narco and Black Mirror. All really thought-provoking, disturbing content about the crazy world we now live in and the hurdles that will come in the future. I’m still very sad and disillusioned with the elections to the point that I don’t feel emboldened or empowered at all. I signed a few petitions, but I’m still so disheartened. All the news about the potential cabinet members… it’s all fucked up. And I have lost faith. Even if we were to speak out and march and protest and write letters… ultimately, he and his cronies just DON’T CARE about the opposing point of view. You know what I mean? They think what they think and they are absolutely unapologetic, so how then do the pressures of protest change their minds or actions? I honestly do not see a way out of this fucking mess.

My friend J invited me to join her and the hubs for the Women’s March in DC the day after inauguration. Right now, that kind of action seems utterly pointless. And then Bubs keeps wanting to talk about all this stuff he’s reading: I cannot deal with the world right now!

And so, I can only proceed by focusing on my new business and on Martin. Otherwise, this shit is too damn overwhelming and paralyzing.

Tonight, we’ve got tickets to a magic show and dinner at the California Magic Theater in Martinez. The theater is like 70 minutes away, but I’m looking forward to the distraction. The world sure could use some more magic these days.