Category Archives: Events

Year of the Snake

Wow, so much has happened in a mere three months. Obviously, politically, I’m super disappointed and disillusioned. I tried so hard after the defeat to understand where the hell the Dems went wrong. So many places it seems… even among people I know, they criticized the messaging, the key platforms, the lack of strategy… I dunno. I honestly didn’t see it coming, and I was very blind-sided by the results. Most people I know are taking a break from the news now, but it’s terrifying see how quickly the new Napoleon is implementing his changes.

In other news, after my Accutane stint that ended in late August, I’ve still been battling side effects. Several months after treatment ended, my dry eye is as bad as ever. I’ve resorted to wearing eyeglasses again. For some reason, though the ‘tane got me clear, I now have dark circles under my eyes. I was having eye twitches and headaches. My body was really starting to break down. Thankfully, my PCP is a superstar and after adopting a couple of her recommendations, the latter two symptoms have mostly subsided now that we’re into February. The dry eye is the remaining hurdle, but it seems excessive computer time exacerbates the condition.

Work for 2025 is off to a slower start than last year. A few listings in the pipeline and 3 buyers who say they are “committed” but their actions show otherwise. I’m tiring of this business. It still gets me up every morning, but the people part is exhausting. Maybe J is right: going into the investment/flipping side of things would allow me to shine in my project management abilities while decreasing exposure to buyers’ fickle emotions and common family dysfunction.

I had a Lunar New Year party last week that was a fun distraction. I stole some new decorating ideas from Instagram and Pinterest and purchased a table rod– an assembly that towers over the dining table. It’s a surprisingly easy concept where a metal rod arch clamps to the table, allowing you to dangle lanterns, flowers, lights, etc. overhead. I’m happy with it. For the food, we made dumplings, following one of our OG recipes from our days in Shanghai (circa 2003) and rice cakes. Then, we supplemented with vegetable sides from a local restaurant. The spread turned out great, and in just the right portions. Next month after the weather starts to warm and dry, I’ll resume my monthly Mahjong Mastermind. It’s been so long, I may have to re-watch the tutorial!

What else. My buds P & C are coming up later this week from Long Beach. Thankfully, Southwest has direct flights from LGB to SJC which makes things so much easier. I was motivated to clean out my home office FINALLY to make room for them. I put up my floating book shelves, hung my uke, got a new upright stand for my zither… all little things but Jesus, everything had been sitting around collecting dust for years.

Speaking of the zither, I started playing it again. I’m working on a couple of old folk songs. I have to say, the phone app guzheng tuner is a lifesaver. J recently found a “Harps of Asia” concert at Stanford that featured music with the guzheng along with its counterparts from Vietnam, Japan, and Korea. The concert was surprisingly good, and now I’m feeling re-inspired to attend more live music events at Stanford and to play my instrument with more regularity.

As Good As New

I have to say, once I got my damaged vehicle into the hands of my local dealer/shop, it was pretty smooth sailing. My service department advisor W is my dude– he is the epitome of customer service. I’ve been going to him for years, so thankfully, he hooked me up with the exact collision estimator who in turn, sent my car to the right repair crew. Damn, no where else is “who you work with matters” better exemplified. The estimator took over to work out the claims/payments directly with my insurance. Then, the repair guy gave me an update at least 2x/week. I never had to ride ass, check in, do anything. It was like clockwork. And in this day and age? What a fucking rarity. Seriously.

After about three weeks, I got my whip back, and holy crap, it is as good as new. I mean, this was $20k worth of work, and I could not see a single imperfection. I tell you, good people who conduct their work with pride… it gets me every damn time. So yes, I wrote glowing reviews on multiple platforms, bc that is the LEAST you can do as someone who receives stellar service.

So thankfully, I was able to return the rental car and I am back to full efficiency, with my trunk stocked just right with my real estate signs, tools, junk. And all my addresses loaded up in the GPS/navigation system. I know, doesn’t sound like a big deal, but hello, newsflash: I’m old. I’m set in my ways. I don’t deal well with change.

In the end, the take home is: thank goodness, there were no injuries, and I’m super grateful that both drivers had insurance. Onward.

Crashed and Stunned

Last week, I was meeting up with my biz partner H to catch up over lunch and to tour a local property under renovation. After a fruitful afternoon, I started heading home from downtown Los Altos. At a stop sign, I turned right onto a straightaway, going east. A Honda CR-V was traveling in the opposite direction on the straightaway, going west. As I approached the next intersection (with no lights/stop signs), the other driver suddenly pulled into my lane to make an abrupt left turn. I had no notice, slammed on the brakes, and crashed into her passenger front end.

Her air bag deployed, and she covered her face with her hands. As we were now blocking the small intersection, I back up and pulled to the side/curb to clear the blockage. She continued to sit in her car. I got out of my car, and as I walked towards her intending to exchange information, she looked up, drove forward slowly (I was thinking she was going to park on the curb in front of my car), and then she drove off!?!?

I was utterly stunned, as I didn’t expect a 50+ y/o white lady in Los Altos (chi chi town) to do a hit and run. Somehow, I had the wherewithal to capture a pic of her plates as she drove past, with me standing there in the middle of the intersection. I was in shock, and with my hands trembling lightly, I called 911. The cop arrived within five minutes. I explained the situation, and he told me he would reach out to her. Though my car was mangled, I was able to drive the few miles home. My damage consisted of a dented hood, mangled right light assembly, wrecked bumper, and as I discovered a day later, a cracked windshield.

Later that day, the cop called and said the lady called into the station. She corroborated my story and admitted fault, but she explained that she drove off bc she “didn’t see me.” I was so annoyed by her blatant lie. Needless the say, the cop acknowledged the explanation didn’t make sense, he would update his report (still mentioning that she left the scene), and go from there.

Now, five days later, I’ve opened the claim under my account, bc the insurance company is still waiting on the police report to obtain the other driver’s name and policy info. After numerous circuitous calls to my insurance office, the claims department, and auto shops, yesterday I drove the car to my local dealer to my trusted service advisor and his collision estimator. As I pulled into the bay, both men expressed shock that I drove the vehicle, which is funny bc the day of the accident, as soon as Bubs got home, he started going off about all the damage, and so many pieces involved, etc. I was like, OMG you are overreacting. The car still drives. Well, the service dudes had the same reaction as Bubs. It’s a lot of damage. You shouldn’t be driving the car. Off hand, the estimator says it’ll be at least $10k, they won’t know really until they start peeling away the damage to expose what’s underneath. So how long will it be in the shop? I’m guessing a week… A looong time, he says. 3-4 weeks. Whaaaa???

So the good news is that I’m uninjured. My airbag didn’t deploy. The day after, I had some neck/back soreness, but I feel fine now. The bad news is we are waiting on that police report, and I’ll have to figure out a rental car and ride ass on the insurance company to get all the paperwork done right. I am not at fault, so there shouldn’t be any impact to my insurance premium or my driving record.

But dayum, that freaking other driver! Who behaves like this??? I was asking myself: is it possible that someone can go through adult life and NOT know s/he is supposed to stay on scene after an accident? It made me think of that time when I drove a colleague home from a work party. He had a beer at the party, and I told him I could drive, and he could just take the drink with him. He and I are both from the Mid-Atlantic. Later, another friend told me California has open container laws, where you can’t have any open alcohol in the car, regardless of who was driving. Huh??? I was honestly shocked, bc I had never heard of this. So am I like this other woman? Somehow, I had glided through life not possessing what my friend considered to be common sense?!?!

Actually, I just looked this up. IN MY DEFENSE, Virginia, where J and I last lived prior to China and California, actually does NOT have open container laws, so passengers are permitted to have alcohol!

Winds of Change

The good news is that so much has changed since my last frustrated, disenchanted post. Thank fucking goodness Biden stepped down, and now we are in a totally transformed state of energy and momentum and hope. I am sooo STOKED about KH. Right away, the people around me were skeptics and cynics and doubters (despite being supporters). Jesus, who knew I was surrounded by a bunch of Debbie Downers… nonetheless, my enthusiasm could not be smothered, and as it turned out, neither could that of a who deluge of people. I mean, she raised SO MUCH DAMN MONEY in the first 24-hrs alone! It was awesome to bear witness.

And since those early hours as the new guard, she’s raised even more. Meanwhile, Trump has gotten flustered, and his previously “disciplined” strategy has been blown out of the water, triggering him into reverting back to his old ways of spewing more outrageous garbage out of that damn piehole. Don’t get me wrong, he’s never been moderated (at least from what I’ve been reading), but he’s going off script now more than ever and Jesus, it’s insane how much this shock jock continues to ramble on with his bullshit.

I have to say, I was on the fence about the whole NABJ event. From an academic standpoint, I do think there is value in discourse and presenting opposing sides… it’s just that Trump isn’t really a person who’s presenting an opposing side in any kind of interactive way. His language is just continued hate mongering and racist/sexist fake news that only adds flames to the fire. Nothing he says is ever presented in a manner that contributes to a productive discussion. So then, are these platforms just giving him more free airtime? I dunno what the real answer is on this, but I’m definitely torn.

At the NABJ event specifically, I thought the moderators did a good job staying calm and redirecting back to the questions BUT he was clearly verbally abusive and having a tantrum— should they have given him a platform in the first place to direct that negativity towards them?

I do feel reinvigorated, and I am finding myself following the news more closely… in that sense, this change in the ticket has given me something new to study and follow and care about. Meanwhile, I am already ramping up my activism. My friend G turned me on years ago to Vote Foward, which is a nonprofit organization that focuses on getting out the vote. I have already started my letter writing activities… I’m so excited for November 5. I am feeling very hopeful and optimistic, and so far the stats are looking favorable for KH. YEAH!!!

WTF

Seriously, what the heck is happening in this crazy world of ours? I sat down to watch the Presidential debate and holy hell, what a debacle. I mean, kudos to both men wanting to work this insane job and at their ages… I’m already burned out at 48, for crying out loud. Still though, it’s time to step aside. Both of them. But Biden, damnit, please have the wherewithal to do this gracefully!!! Why are you forcing our hand?

And then the assassination attempt? That freaking iconic picture of Trump with the bloodied ear and the defiant fist in the air… fucking A. I just can’t take this bullshit any longer. A month ago, while John and friends expressed concern, I still had faith. Now, I am stressing big. time. Come on, Dems! Where is your brilliance and strategy???

Shit Week, Big Day

I had two closings slated for this week. Both deals were moving along swimmingly… the first one closed Tuesday, after the Memorial Day holiday. All done, everything smooth, all parties THRILLED. And then the seller didn’t get her wire proceeds. On Wednesday, the first wire was sent back to escrow… some issue with the For Credit To. The second one went out, and Thursday morning that bounced back again. My seller was freaking out: she was on the phone with her brokerage, the escrow company… Never happened to me before. The brokerage rep said all the instructions on the second wire looked perfect, and she was perplexed that the Federal Reserve sent it back. The escrow company then escalated to their accounting department. A third iteration was made. Meanwhile, I was feeling so frustrated. People have no idea the amount of work that happens behind the scenes shepherding all the details along. You get to the end, and all is beautiful and then this kind of shit crops up literally ruining the entire deal in one late fumble. All the client will remember now are the two days of stress when she didn’t get her money. All week I’ve been sleepless, frustrated by the pieces where I have no control. I started inquiring all the details for Plan B in case that third wire bounced back again. Could it be a glitch with the Federal Reserve (happened many months ago)? Should we try a different account to deposit the funds? If we went the route of a check, could a courier deliver to any branch and staff there make the deposit? How soon would the funds be available? All Wednesday afternoon and night, I’m making calls and mulling over the details. THANKFULLY, Thursday morning the funds finally arrived. First fire extinguished.

The second deal was supposed to close on Wednesday. Due to two of the three buyers being out of state AND the lender requiring all three to sign on the same document (no counterpart signing allowed), we had a notary sent out last Friday. After the signing, she was supposed to drop off the package to FedEx on Saturday, so it would be back in San Jose first thing on Tuesday morning after the holiday weekend. First, she dropped it off on Tuesday, so we didn’t get it until Wednesday. Second, she did a shit job stamping her notary acknowledgement page, meaning the rubber stamp was half-ass and completely illegible. When the escrow officer realized the stamp was not valid, she reached out to the notary to re-stamp and FedEx another page back (another day lost). The notary didn’t get back to her until the afternoon, and on top of that, the notary was on vacation out of town. Yup, FML. So that meant, all three buyers needed to re-sign with a different notary. Long story short, bc of this half-ass bullshit first notary (I mean, you have TWO jobs: stamp the files and drop off at FedEx), we were looking at a one week delay in closing, with financial consequences. I was so pissed; my buyers were so stressed and upset… again, we got to ONE DAY before closing with a very smooth deal and then shit hit the fan.

For the second deal, we had the buyers and a new notary hustle to re-sign. The second notary shared a scan of the signed file showing the clear stamped acknowledgement. The FedEx arrived this morning, and the lender is slated to fund shortly. Fingers crossed, this will get through the finish line later today. I can’t help but be a bit gun shy due to the random hiccups from this week, but it’s now as far along as we can take it.

In other news, after this very stressful week, I’m very happy about the unanimous Trump verdict. Wow, finally, there is no confusion or disagreement about his role in all this chaos. I’m disappointed that he can still run and he can still serve, but for now, what a day to feel some relief and redemption and faith that NOT all is lost.

Year of the Double Dragon

John and I hosted our CNY party at the start of February. In the past, we had an annual tradition of hosting a lunar new year celebration, but over the years, it fell by the wayside. Thankfully, this year we had the wherewithal to bring it back. We invited a small but compatible mix of old friends, and with the help of several extra dexterous hands, we managed to crank out hundreds of dumplings.

J typically uses a pork/napa recipe, but you know how he is: He likes to experiment and try new things, so this year, he tested a recipe with mushrooms. Eh, the shrooms ended up monopolizing all the flavor of the meat filling… Nonetheless, that didn’t stop us from stuffing a ton of dumplings into our pie holes. Next time though, we may switch it up again, and try a jiu cai Chinese chives recipe.

In addition to the feature dish, we had a dragon-themed fruit platter (inspired by Pinterest and tremendously improved by my buddy T), a bunch of dipping sauces (including a very popular chili oil and chili crisp combo), nian gao (rice cakes), and brownies for dessert. So a bit of hodge podge, but we couldn’t have asked for a better day. After a rather rainy winter, we had a beautiful sunny day. Thankfully, one of our guests captured some video.

And of course, J and I had loads of fun decorating the house with “evergreen” lunar new year items. Lots of snack/cookie tins with dragons, gold/red signs, a hanging felt dragon, felt majhong tiles, plus my blinged out Fossil dragon watch. Two weeks later, all the stuff is still out. Evergreen bling central, baby!

I know we have a tiny house, but I sure do like hosting gatherings here. It’s not Airbnb ready or anything like a staged home, but I feel like it reflects our low-key sensibility, and the space is cozy yet comfortable for small groups. Sometimes it’s challenging to be in the business I’m in, plus be in Silicon Valley where people are so accomplished and always one-upping one another… but I try to remind myself: J and I never want to let the size or condition our home prevent us from doing things we enjoy and spending time with our friends.

The UPS Store

If you know ANYthing about me, it is that I LOVE the old school musicals… specifically Les Mis, Miss Saigon, and Cabaret. Those are my staple productions. I can listen to them anywhere, anytime, and the tears will just come on like a fucking tsunami. So the other day, we were in the car and Bubs put on Miss Saigon and the Bui Doi song came on. The one about the children of GIs and Vietnamese women. There is a line there that describes the kids as “conceived in hell and born in strife.” I mean, let’s be real: I had an extremely privileged upbringing. Still, something about that line just resonates.

Obviously, I’ve taken a very long hiatus from blogging… possibly the LONGEST break since I started the blog in 2003. I’m not proud of the absence but well, COVID (the same excuse everyone else is using these days). Plus, my family has to win awards for its level of drama. That’s right: drama amplified.

To recap: My father had flown from California to Taiwan over a year ago in June/July 2020 and then he got stuck there. What did that mean for me? 24/7 INTERNATIONAL personal assistant. Calls at all hours. All his US mail? Forwarded to me. Along with that of my grandparents’, brother’s, and mother’s. Yes, a SHIT TON of mail. Meanwhile, none of their accounts had set me as an additional accountholder, so then I had to do all the account management having zero written authority. Then, you have NO idea how fucking painful it is to even sync with my family in Taiwan. Not only is the time difference 15 hours, they won’t spend a cent to call internationally, so then we can only connect via Line, Skype, or Facetime and on top of that, they either don’t have reliable wifi or where they do have it, they have THE cheapest fucking option which results in choppy quality and non-existent video. To make matters worse, they actually don’t understand the difference between video and audio calls, so half the time, I’m staring into my father’s ear canal. Seriously. God forbid, they shell out $20/month for legit broadband service as a BASIC NECESSITY. That’s the thing. All these responsibilities get thrown to me and then I have shit tools to work with and my parents’ tech skills is a -100 on a 10-point scale. So many hours of my life gone, bc we did not have systems in place. Anyway, after more than a year of dealing with this bullshit. I somehow managed to get the legal docs updated. I will spare you the agonizing details; just know that my fuse of ZERO was blown every goddamn time.

So now, improved systems are in place– things still aren’t 100% the way I would run them but good enough until the next volcanic eruption. And I’m cranking through the list: closing accounts, adding my name, paying bills, setting up zoom meetings, paying taxes, scanning their mail, doing international shipments… I’m a freaking 24/7 UPS store and more!

In June of this year, dad came back Stateside after more than a year away. I hooked him up with the vaccine (Taiwan has limited supply), and then headed to Maryland in early July to begin the preparations for putting my childhood home up for sale. Over 5,000 sqft of house stuffed with three generations’ worth of junk from a family of hoarders. They had such old bedding/sheets that I had to buy my own flannel set a couple years back so I could sleep on cotton fabric that wasn’t ripped/threadbare. My first night in the bed this time around, I discovered three acorns. I thought I was going mad. WTF. Maybe I had picked these up last time I was in town and fell asleep while fidgeting with them in the bed??? I was gaslighting myself. It was a total mystery, bc I found no other evidence of rodents in the bed. But the next night, I was sitting on the couch watching tv and behind the throw pillow was a pile of rice. And some mouse poop. Problem solved. I mean, the house was vacant for over a year in a place that has all four seasons… so guess I shouldn’t be that surprised.

Needless to say, the to-do list for my parents is neverending. It really is. I will be actively working on two items with my dad hovering right there and then he’ll introduce a third and a fourth as if I weren’t working efficiently enough… Ugh, it’s super annoying and frustrating and results in snippy Vicky. Consequently, my parents describe my help as “service without a smile.” I mean look, on one hand, no fucking apologies. You get what you get. It’s like that Hotwire rental car deal my friend G always signs up for. She signs up for a killer deal, and it’s a grab bag as to what car she gets at the counter. In other words, you get an awesome rate bc they pick the car for you. Well, my parents fucking hit the jackpot with me: I am a goddamn workhorse. I have a HUGE capacity to figure things out and to get shit done but don’t expect Nordstorm customer service ok? Which leads me to Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I first heard of this condition a few years back when a neighbor with two kids was bitching about her youngest son. She said he had unexplained rage issues and was diagnosed with ODD. Honestly, his defiance sounded intriguing and then as she described it further, a light bulb went off. That’s all that was needed for Bubs to diagnose me. I mean, if this ODD is real, I feel a lot of parallels. Maybe it’s helpful to put a label on things? I dunno but a part of me also thinks ANYONE would have ODD given my same exact circumstances.

Bottom line? I’m fucking exhausted. I have a LIFETIME of examples but let me just share the latest argument with dad. So as you know, he’s currently here with us in Cali. He’s eager to get back to Taiwan bc my mother is calling on the daily, barking orders and slinging her accusations of infidelity. So he wants me to compare flights using his points, using his voucher, plus one way vs round trip or whatever. Um, it’s one way bc we don’t know when you’ll be back, esp with COVID.

Oh but if I do round trip, it’s a better deal and I’ll use fewer points.

No! I’m booking it one way with points and this is what I’m booking. Back the hell up! I don’t need you micromanaging my ass and overcomplicating EVERY dayum detail.

After we get over that hurdle, there are a shit ton more details about international entry/exit and quarantine requirements, thanks to COVID and the delta. The good news is I have attention to detail so I’m reading everything and figuring it all out. I figure out what test to get, where, when, how much, where to send in the docs, yadda, yadda. I create online accounts, upload his insurance files, register a slot, and get it all done. Test date set for X date.

After it’s all done and sorted, dad’s reading shit on his computer (but very limited bc he doesn’t do online research for more than five minutes). He calls my cousin in Taiwan and asks her to call the airport or whatever. At issue is WHEN to take the test so it’s acceptable for Taiwan when he arrives at the airport. I tell him I know how to fucking read, and it’s handled. He insists the test date is TOO early and my cousin’s friend of a friend says the results have to be three days prior to arrival date. Back and forth. Hello: I’ve read the info from United Airlines specific to this ticket. The results have to be issued no longer than 3 working days from date of departure. ARGHHHHHHH!!! Bc of his fucking neuroses, I have to spend another two hours calling, researching, reading, being on hold, etc. That information is wrong. He’s not convinced. So then he wants me to schedule a same day test which is only at SFO. But that’s cutting it too close, so maybe I can drive him to SFO the day before to do a test? I’m telling you. Now this item that took 30 min to decipher has ballooned to my entire afternoon. This is just ONE example. Every other to-do item turns out like this. Welcome to my life. Same with figuring out shipping international freight, international regular shipment, domestic shipment, forwarding addresses, updating addresses, paying vendors, shredding medical records/financial papers, etc. FML. Meanwhile, my brother has learned that I figured out how to ship items internationally and he asks me to buy him 3 bags of some body detoxification product from Canada to receive in the US and forward to him in Taiwan bc the company doesn’t ship to Asia. Nope, I may be my parents’ UPS store but I sure as hell am not his!

Want some good news? The Maryland house is emptied. Two full days, a crew of five sorters/packers, and a team of movers. Fucking amazing. Repairs have commenced and we’re targeting on market before the end of August. The handful of saved items got shipped here and arrived. Items sent to Taiwan also arrived and passed customs (another ordeal). Dad got his negative test results yesterday. That caused another frenzy about timing, so I took screen shots, printed out/highlighted the instructions, and just reiterated that I followed everything stated by United. If he arrives in Taiwan and they reject the test, he can just take it again there. I’m done. Let’s not beat this dead horse one more fricking time please.

Hurrah beotches, the blog is back!

Three Seasons

At the start of fall, a friend of mine commented that the pandemic has now lasted through three seasons. Goddamn, that’s one way of putting it into perspective. In the beginning, I’ll admit, I welcomed SIP. I mean, for one thing, I hate driving, so being able to tend to much of my work activities from the comfort of home was freaking amazing. At first, I was just tuning in on zoom— camera off and audio on mute. But after a couple weeks, I realized that I was kinda being a schlump… you know, attending while still half asleep and still wearing my PJs. As soon as I realized this was not helping me tackle the days full force, I shifted gears. Yup. Got up, changed into work clothes, put on my makeup, got everything all set up and arranged on the dining table by the kitchen windows (great lighting). For me, getting dressed and ready makes a huge difference.

I went into hyper focused mode. I took all the required classes and tests to renew my agent license (set to expire in November). Got that shit done months early. I also took some extra skills training and classes. Plus my brokerage was getting us on Zoom daily so we could be briefed on all the damn industry and legal changes. SO MANY.

Aside from SIP further enabling my workaholism, I actually appreciate that I’ve trimmed things down to the essentials. I used to be into organizing activities and dinner and travel and things… I realized that I actually enjoy taking a break from all that. It’s a lot of extraneous effort and work. Not that I don’t enjoy seeing friends but I dunno: turns out I don’t mind feeding my introverted side. I don’t really feel motivated or compelled to initiate anymore. John’s been making comments thinking it’s unusual for me but eh, maybe that was an entirely different life. I read somewhere that who you are now doesn’t have to be who you were five minutes ago. True dat.

Dumped

What can I say, at the end of August, I was so excited and thrilled to have multiple buyers in my pipeline. I closed one family at the end of October, but unfortunately, I just lost the second family a few days ago.

Sure, from the get go, it was a doubtful and challenging scenario with the hubby and wife currently living four hours apart, both being out of town with limited availability to scout out homes during the week, and ultimately with the wife calling all the shots all while communicating SOLELY through her hubby. In retrospect, maybe the multiple red flags should have tipped me off, but honestly, I was just so dang happy to get them signed on to work with me, and I was so determined and perhaps naively optimistic that I would find them the right house.

Remember that family to whom I showed over 30 houses a year or so ago? Fuck that. 30 homes was nothing. For this latest family, they covered a geographic region from San Jose to 90 minutes south in north Salinas. Yes, all of it was possible— they could live in ALL those places, they insisted. So, I scouted out probably 70 homes on their behalf in the three months of working together.

Last Saturday, while I was away at a conference, the wife texted through the search platform the oddest message and then she went on and on about really loving a house that just came on the market. Being as this wasn’t my first rodeo, I told her let’s see how the hubby reports back when he checks it out. Also, let’s wait for the disclosures. Immediately after the hubby saw it during the open house, they had me trying to prep for an offer. On Monday, as soon as I returned to town, I made arrangements to meet the list agent and tour the house and run comps. On Tuesdays, the disclosures were released. My clients reviewed and then late Tuesday, the hubby called me to say they were not only passing on the house but also passing on me.

The explanation was that the wife was burned out (SHE’S burned out from conducting the search strictly behind her computer monitor from the comfort of her own home?!?!), she wanted to take a break, and then they wanted to use another agent “to get new perspective.” Yup, just like that. Three months of hardcore work up in smoke. I will earn zippo on that whole project.

To be honest, I was stunned. I had been pulling/reviewing disclosures, contacting list agents, building rapport, running comps, talking to their lender, checking stats/inventory on THREE different markets, so much fucking work for nothing. I cried so much that night. And then the next day, all day I was sobbing on and off. Yet another asshole out there viewing real estate agents like a goddamn commodity. You just swap them in and out. No respect. I barely even got a thank you out of the hubby, and absolutely zero acknowledgement or comment from the wife. What absolute dickwads.

Thankfully, during the three day conference, I had already decided to sign on to the coaching program. My goals through the program are to build my skillset, implement an organized and integrated system marketing/tracking system, and generate a plethora of leads so that I am better positioned to be selective about clients. Moving forward, clients have to be 1. motivated 2. qualified to buy 3. nice. You have no idea how difficult it is to find people who meet just those three basic criteria.

It’s an interesting lesson for me. The whole time, John was telling me I was spending too much time on these people. Their (her) criteria was constantly evolving. First, we started out looking for homes with granny units or enough space to build an ADU. They had zero understanding about the regs surrounding ADUs. I educated them and pointed them to resources. Then, the ADU requirement went away and there were suddenly other criteria. It was a whole laundry list and yet, I found homes to check off everything. Then the demands changed again. Each time, I asked questions to better understand their needs. John told me to scale back and stop asking questions. You’re wanting to find patterns and apply logic to what they want. It defies logic. You can’t work with crazy. But I was so determined…

A few months ago, my 83-year old seller (for whom I worked out a solution with the local housing agencies) told me “you’re very optimistic.” I thought it was the strangest compliment, bc if anything, I consider myself a realist/pessimist. But now I see what she meant. No matter how unreasonable my clients were, I just doubled down and worked harder. For whatever reason, I convinced myself that we were closer to closing on a home than not. And boy was I wrong. Boy did I misread. As Bubbey and my friends told me, she was never going to buy. I didn’t believe them. After all, we had written two offers before… they were serious. That was my proof. But I suppose, the ultimate proof will be in the pudding. That family that viewed 30 homes? I looked them up in public records about 1.5 years after we’d met. They still hadn’t purchased a home. We’ll see if that’ the case too with this family.

As fate would have it… a few days before they cut me loose, I had a memorable conversation with their lender. I told him how I had seen so many homes on their behalf. He said he’d known them a long time and during that time they had worked with many agents and professionals. The consensus was that no one ever communicated with the wife, yet she was the only decision maker. And the hubby was always the messenger. They’d run through multiple agents and be in and out of contract (red flag), and universally, people found them to be very difficult to work with. Honestly, I had underestimated a lot:

1. The hubby’s level of pain. When I first met him in August, he had already been searching for 8 months on his own. Scouring open houses an hour away from where he currently lived then driving eight hours every weekend to reunite with the wife and kid and return for work on Monday. I thought to myself… how long could this possibly go on? Apparently, this arrangement of living apart and driving an inordinate amount every week can go on forever. And now my realization is that she’s a saboteur— perhaps she doesn’t even want to live with him anymore!

2. The wife’s power. Being in a relationship where J and I are mostly balanced in discussing big decisions, it never really occurred to me that the hubby would be so damn spineless. My goodness, I showed him numerous homes that he LOVED and then as soon as she seemed lukewarm on the home, he’d suddenly call out a bunch of things he didn’t like about the home he had previously LOVED.

3. I can’t work with crazy. The whole time, I kept studying the homes they saved or liked, looking for patterns or common characteristics. I’d ask for feedback so that I could fine tune or improve my search parameters… In the end, J was so frustrated with me. He said I kept trying to get clarification to better understand but their decision making was not based on logic. You just can’t work with decision makers who decide based on emotion. It’s too much based on whim.

Well, no matter how you report on the autopsy, it’s a shitty deal. It really hurt my feelings and hurt my confidence. And now I’m at the end of November and the deal I was hoping to close by year end is gone. And I don’t even want to think about the high opportunity cost I paid for this very undeserving and ungrateful family.