Category Archives: Class

Raunch Overload

So there’s been a common theme with me lately… everywhere I turn, I’m faced with major raunch. Is this how the world has always worked and I’m only seeing it now, or maybe it really is just me? First, dance class continues to be ridiculous. Tonight was my very last class, and I’m kind of relieved to be honest. Surprisingly, I kept up with the routine today, but man, teach is just too much for me. For reals. The final step was basically this move where my weight is on the right foot and the left knee is bent with the left foot pointed on the ground and then there are five hip thrusts with the feet staying in place. I had some trouble getting this movement down (I basically just kept bending my right knee), so I asked him to go over it again. Big. mistake. Holy fuck. He lifts that left leg up as if it’s on an imaginary chair and then again, he says, “You know, imagine you and hubby are going at it and uh, uh, uh, yeah, get in there deep!” WHAAAATTTT??? OMG. I was so embarrassed. I don’t even know how to respond other than to make a nervous laugh, shake my head, and cover my eyes. Holy crap. Are gay dudes really this sex obsessed???

Then yesterday, K and I went to a relationship play. It’s been forever since I got my theater on, so I was really stoked about catching this production at a small black box theater in San Jose. The play was Closer, based on that movie from a few years back starring Jude Law, Clive Owen, Natalie Portman, and Julia Roberts. In retrospect, it was a fucked up movie with a lot of mind games and dysfunction. Somehow I just got caught up with all the good reviews and I dunno, I also forgot that the Clive Owen character was a sex/porn addict. Needless to say, we’re in this small theater with like 20 other people (mostly bluehairs– typical), and suddenly a scene begins showing an online chat dialog on the projection screen. It’s a chat convo for a sex forum. OMFG. The language. The raunch!! The c word, the p word, everything crass and more! And then there’s this old couple in the row in front of ours where the woman can’t read the text on the screen, so her hubby starts reading her the lines. Holy. shit. I about died. The thing is, I’ve found so many damn winners through Goldstar, but every single time K and I do a Goldstar activity, it’s a fucking dud. Argh, what a fail!

Meanwhile on the homefront, Bubs is in NYC this week for work, which means I have full control of the tv. Holy crap, there is a ton of shit on the airwaves. Of course, I enjoyed KUWTK. I don’t watch the Kardashians consistently, but when I do, I enjoy it. I know they have a lot of haters, but I dunno: there’s something curious/intriguing about their tight family and about all their moguling. I mean, they have their brand EVERYWHERE. They can’t be total bimbos to amplify that shit all over the damn place. Plus, it’s one show that doesn’t get me all stressed out. 

In addition to the Kdashes, I recently discovered there is a Real Housewives of Potomac. I only watched the Atlanta one ocassionally a few years back ,but I was curious about this one since well, I’m from Maryland. Oddly enough, I learned yesterday that the cast is predominantly black, which is def not how I picture the demographic of Potomac, where Bub’s oldest sister lives…

Tonight, I came home and the tv was already tuned to the Bachelor. I have to say, I have not watched a single episode of this show, bc the premise just makes me so fucking angry. Apparently, in tonight’s episode, he’s like meeting the families of the four remaining women. Are these women for real? I mean, how can you keep insisting that your connection with the dude is so authentic and that it’s “real love” when you KNOW he is multi-timing you!! I mean, it’s so standard that the guy hooks up with like every single chick on the show from the beginning!!! Ugh. This show disgusts me. And then when the parents are like talking to him and asking him questions, he never even gives specific, genuine answers. Like “Why are you interested in my daughter? How is she different from the other ladies?” And he just gives generic answers, like “From the moment I met her, I just felt a connection.” Puhlease. 

Wow, holy crap. With the last family, the two brothers just grilled him hard!! But then the parents were all empathetic, saying the bachelor is in a tough spot. Really? You’re going to feel bad for a dude who plays 20 women at the same time??? OMG. Why do people do this show? WTF??? Of course, I will watch this episode to the end bc I have to give it a full review. Haha. Btw, how can these women say that he has all the qualities that they want? Is one of those qualities being a player?? Every single one of the four women says she’s in love with him… after TWO single dates and a few group dates. Fucking tards. Married at First Sight is so much better than this crap. Off to bed early to clear my mind of all this raunch. Tomorrow’s a new fresh day, I hope. Clean slate.

On the Mend

Mid February is a festive time of year, primarily bc of Chinese New Year, but also bc there’s Valentine’s Day (if you celebrate that made-up marketing holiday) and Presidents’ Day (= day off from work). Of course, as my luck would have it, February is also the one time of the year that my body likes to shut the fuck down. Waay down. Yup, my CNY party got canceled (again!), bc I returned from Long Beach and caught a cold. Admittedly, I am the world’s worst sick person: as soon as I feel one teensy bit better, I overdo it, and then my body revolts. So yeah, my Chinese New Year party got canceled (after I bought most of the ingredients for an extensive menu). I gave in and decided to give myself the long holiday weekend to recover. By Monday, I thought I was back on the up and up. Then, that evening I went to hip hop class 3. Since it was a holiday, none of the kids showed up, and it was just four adults with a new routine again (every two weeks!), and holy fuck there were a gabillion steps! We started with warm ups, and almost immediately, my head started feeling dizzy and light headed. I thought I was going to faint and/or throw up. And then, we started into the routine. This dude is too much into the sexy moves. I mean, I know hip hop has a lot of bumping and grinding, but why can’t we learn moves that are more non-sexual bboy/Missy Elliot style, you know? Whatever. So this new routine starts off with three body rolls and wtf, Robot Vix couldn’t even do those. Teacher was all like, “Think of sexy time with the hubby.” He is too much. And there must have been twice as many steps as our previous routines. I couldn’t even remember them all. Usually, after I get home, I write down key words to remind myself of the steps. You know, like butt sways, swivel, hip swirl, shake dice, etc. Nope. All gone. No frickin’ clue. Chock it up to being sick. One class left, and then if I ever learn hip hop again, it’s going to be online.

The next day, I was feeling sore from the one hour of dance. I know, I’m pathetic. Still, I was determined to be productive. The elfa closet installer arrived promptly at 8 am, and he worked until about 2 pm. While he was here, I got to working on the monster trash pile that had accumulated the last several months by the shed. There was all that demo waste from when Bubbey took down the shelving and paneling in the garage. Then, there was household junk, and since we had a few big storms, everything was soggy and sopping wet. It was disgusting. I had scheduled Wednesday for the city’s “On Call Plus” special curbside pickup service, and since I like to follow instructions, I had to remove a shit ton of nails from everything and then stack the shelving on the curb and bundle old drywall and panel pieces into bags. Bubbey had started already on some of the bagging but they were supposed to be < 50 lbs. Most were way heavier, esp since now they were wet. So I had to move crap around from old bags to new bags. Long story short, mucking around in all that junk triggered my allergies. Big. Time. I could NOT stop sneezing. I’m sure the closet installer was like, wtf is wrong with this lady? Needless to say, I got most of the junk cleared out. And I think I earned my stripes, bc the utility crew working on the house next door made some comment like, “You sure are working hard for a Tuesday!” Yeah dude, I am on a mission.

On Wednesday, I felt like shit again. This time, my body was even more sore and I was too exhausted to get out of bed. I stayed in bed until noon and then I went out to check on the junk, and it was all still there. I started getting worried that maybe they weren’t going to take it all. Maybe I didn’t get all the nails out or the stuff was supposed to be boxed instead of stacked? I went back to bed. By 3, I got up and thankfully, everything was gone: the 9′ tall wooden shelf, the screen door, the bags, the wood, the old cast iron grates, all of it! Yay. Now I think one more On Call Plus should do the trick and then, we are done!!

By evening, I was feeling better but starving. Bubbey’s been super busy with work, so I had a minor pity party about being sick and being left alone to die. Yeah, drama. queen. Then, I figured I needed to save myself. So that CNY duck got roasted up. Like I told my father many years ago, “I can put my own bread on the table.” Get it, girl. Duck came out amazeballs. And then I even did a killer job carving that bird up. Yeah!

 

At the Club

So I’m mentally preparing for hip hop class #2 tonight. The first class actually wasn’t as bad as I had expected. There were only about ten students, and 3 or so were adults. Also, even the level of my classmates wasn’t that impressive compared to the other hip hop class I took many years ago. Of course, I still tried real hard to concentrate. Fuck man, no matter how easy the teach claims the movements are, I just have no concept on how to make my body move and contort in those ways. Teach is some white homeboy who’s super tatted up. I know my class is 13 y/o and up and all, but some of the music selection was def questionable for the younger (well and older) end of that spectrum. Seriously, I don’t need to be listening to people moaning and groaning all 2 Live Crew style. And of course, about NONE of the songs were familiar to me; then again, are we surprised? I’m perpetually stuck in the 80s and 90s.

The first half of class was focused on warm ups, and despite my 15+ months of inactivity, I was able to keep up. Then, we got into the choreography. Damn, that term sounds so legit, right? First move? Squatting to the right side and pumping the upper body. I tried it a number of times: I think I ended up just pumping my arms but not flexing my torso. Fuck, I have no idea. Then homeboy says, “Pump it! Come on, you know, pump it like you’re at the club.” I just stood there and stared at him blankly. Seeing the cluelessness in my face, he proceeds to demonstrate like he is humping an imaginary tree. Dude, I’m here to learn hip hop, not all this trashy bumpin’ and grinding. Fuck, there is a difference right??

Needless to say, I focused hard that night, and I am happy to report that one week later, I still remember the entire routine— which is obviously like 1/10 of a real routine but whatever. Baby steps. Of course, I just do the sequence of events… I don’t pair it with a step count, and I def don’t put it to music. So yeah, basically I’m just going through the motions. I’m telling you, I can’t feel the beat or rhythm or ANYTHING.

And he had us do this butt slap move followed by a spin and squat. I quasi-pulled my calf muscle. Yes, this is 40, mother fuckers. Thankfully, I wasn’t totally out of commission so I continued in class but still, I know the truth and it is disappointing as hell. Of course, as luck would have it, he starts a new routine every two weeks, so I can just chuck every damn bit that I learned. Today is all new.

Admittedly, I should practice more. I did find a series on Howcast called Hip Hop Dance Moves for Kids. It seemed a little more up my alley with the good, clean fun and all.

Difficult Phone Conversations

Last week, I left three messages for the shed people. No call back. Now almost three weeks after a repair dude was on site fixing the door that the initial crew installed all crooked, I was pissed. So yesterday evening, I called and left a nastygram voice message. Now, mind you, all this shit is the toned down version, bc today I am a much tamer and calmer person than I used to be. Still, I was clearly annoyed about having left multiple messages without any reply. Finally, early this morning, I got the call back. No apologies, just more questions on what was wrong. Ugh, your warranty guy said he was going to report back to you. WTF? Apparently, nothing was written in the notes. More fucking half ass bullshit. The good news though? A repair dude was dispatched today, and the shit was finally done. Jesus F-ing Christ. Sometimes, I’m just so appalled by how much ass wiping is needed. Whatever. Checked and off the list.

After I got to work this morning, I had a vendor call. I don’t know what exactly was going on, but I felt like I kept getting asked the same questions about big picture university social media strategy. When that call finally ended, I was so irritated. Like, if I were a smoker– even a social smoker– I would have been jonesing for the cig. Thinking about it later, wtf. I mean, I’m spending my time giving the vendor all this info helping him shape his higher level sale; meanwhile, what am I getting out of this? I mean, we have a contract, and no where is there any discussion about how the current contract is providing me with any value. Maybe I just needed time to think about the conversation and later articulate what I was concluding. So I shot back an email asking them to demonstrate and justify the value of their product. We’ll see if the vendor steps up.

If you can’t already tell, I’ve been feeling stressed again lately. There’s a big campaign coming up soon, and I guess I’m just unsure what to expect. And then honestly, it’s not just all about work. I’m also having my usual inconvient life musings and mullings… My boss has been telling me all week not to stay late and to go home. I suppose she is noticing the fatigue in my face. Me and my zone though. I can’t be stopped.

I turned in my 13th homework assignment for class tonight. Lots of cramming. I am still learning a lot, but I’m really not fond of the format and platform the teacher uses to administer the class. I find the system super difficult to navigate and organize. Plus, I can’t tell you how many times I replied to questions or classmate feedback only to have my shit disappear, bc the goddamn thing doesn’t autosave!! Argh. I have more homework due this Sunday, and then next week is finally THE LAST WEEK. Thank fucking god. I want my evenings back. Yuki and Singtrix have been neglected for far too long. And I want to start up craft club again. Just in time for spring I hope.

Starting Anew

Ok, so I got a good bit of venom and negativity out of my system with that last post. Thanks for letting me vent. I’m starting fresh now. Did you know March is NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month)? I actually participated in this way back when in November 2013. Writing a blog post every day for a month was quite a challenge. Apparently, now the promo happens every month, but there are different themes. March is news, with prompts like this. Eh, so many rules to follow. I like to freestyle that shit. We’ll see if I can up my posts this month.

As things are already, I’m still taking that social media marketing class. It’s eight weeks total, with homework due Wednesday and Sunday nights. I actually just turned in my Week 6 homework a day early. Yup, I am on that shit! I actually wanted to have all of tomorrow free, because it’s Bubbey’s bday on Monday. Hopefully, by the time he awakes tomorrow morning, I’ll have an outline planned for our day. I know, I’m cutting it close, man! 

Today was a fun day. My buds in Fremont had us over for lunch and chilling at their new house. We hung out, cooked, played with their two little boys. It’s pretty funny, because I don’t have an affinity for kids and yet lately, kids have been seeking me out! My coworker has an 8 y/o girl. She came to my office last week to sell Girl Scout Cookies. I bought 5 boxes, and then while she was waiting for her mom to wrap up, she came back to my office and sat in the chair across my desk… and just sat there looking at me. Naturally, I felt compelled to start talking to her. Meanwhile, I had some cookies on my desk, which I offered. She proceeded to eat the entire sleeve that I had just purchased from her!! 

Funny. But uh, it was weird. I was thinking to myself: “Hey kid, you know I’m not into kids, right???” I mean, I don’t hate them or anything. I just don’t feel like a natural comfort around them.

So anyway, at my friends’ house today, their first born had me all out in the rain playing with him! Granted, he and I are pretty familiar: when I wasn’t working, I hung out with his mom regularly, so he’s comfortable with me. I followed him aboard his “ship” (i.e. the park) and we traveled down a chute to check on his legions of workers in the ship bowels (i.e. we stood on the storm drain and pretended to go down the chute) . Then he had me gather sticks and leaves to make weapons. That boy. He’s quite imaginative, and admittedly, I got sucked in.

I also had an interesting revelation today. I realized that as we and our friends are getting older, more and more, we all prefer to cook and entertain at home. It’s such a big shift from our 20s, when the thing was to go out. Like I remember in Shanghai, we had these friends who were an “older” couple (i.e. in their late 30s/early 40s), and they would always host elaborate dinners at their house, with dishes made from scratch and lots of fancy wine. J and I always felt so out of place, like who the hell are these swanky people? Why don’t we all just go out to eat at the restaurant? Now, more than a decade later, we’re like those people. I’m not exactly sure what’s changed. Maybe we have a different take on value? Maybe we’ve had far too many mediocre restaurant meals that it doesn’t make sense to go out and blow money on another dud dining experience? I dunno. Maybe there’s just something more comfortable/lower key about hanging at someone’s house. Partly, I like having my uke/Jenga/karaoke/liquor cabinet all in easy reach for me and my guests!

Ok, well clearly turning in my homework gave me a second wind, and now all of the sudden, it’s 2:15a. Time to hit the sack. Still no idea what I’m planning for Bubbey tomorrow. Guess I’ll figure it out after I wake up. 🙂 After my whole tirade, turns out I’m a slacker myself!

 

Too Cool for School

I work for a university now, so technically, every day is back to school. But my supervisor signed me up for an 8-week social media marketing course online, and while I’m nearly always game for learning (especially when it’s free), this class is a super time sink. Seriously. My daily karaoke hour is now replaced with time for class readings and homework– with real deadlines and grading and shit! Totally sucks.

My coworker thinks I should just use work time for the class and assignments, but I don’t have time during the day. Then part of me wants to just blow through the assignments– you know, pick and choose but still learn. The thing is, I almost never treat school/academics that way… so I dunno. Here I am on a Saturday night doing homework and preparing some kind of presentation. I’m really a little irritated by it all. But in the end, I’m still gonna do it. I just won’t do it without complaining. As my mother has always described, “Vicky will always do what has to be done; just don’t expect her to smile about it.” Haha.

This also got me thinking though: If I were a student in today’s learning environment, I might really hate the educational experience. I mean, I don’t mind getting all the assignments online and doing all the readings, but I HATE the forced participation, especially in the online setting. I’ve done a few of these virtual learning setups, and ugh, the whole mandatory round robin intro just really irks me. Then, each person has to answer the same questions… via the forum and grading is also based on how much you respond to your classmates’ comments. Yeah, part of me thinks, “What’s the big deal, anyway?” And I guess my aversion doesn’t really make sense, because I love to write, and I spend a lot of time online. Plus, I have a public blog. If anything, I overshare. Still. Something about forced interaction in an online forum just feels unnatural, awkward, and unnecessary. I know, I’m totally overanalyzing this. I suppose I’m really just procrastinating. Blargh.

In other news, J’s company had their holiday party last week. There are a few people I really get along with– a spouse of his coworker, a coworker here and there, but pretty much I spent the evening following the hired magician around from table to table, obsessively eyeing his tricks. Dude was amazing– apparently a favorite of Woz and Charles Schwab even! That really made my night, and he even told me he could get me tickets to the Magic Castle in LA. Yup, that shit is on my bucket list.

What else. Marty is doing really great. He still digs around his bed at night but much less, and I am starting to sleep a bit better. Our new kitchen range FINALLY arrives on Monday, and then my handyman will be onsite hopefully next week to crank out a few house items that have lingered for years.

I have a new BFF at work. She’s a very cool chick: super sharp and witty, wise beyond her years. She’s not even 30 yet. We’re both newbies, so we got that bond going on. Any job is so much more tolerable when there are people you like at the office.

Ok, kinda an abrupt ending to the post tonight. I’ve been piecing this post together over a few days, and it just has to end here. For now.

Ms. Know-it-all

On Monday, I completed my run at ProMatch. I’m still in shock that it was only three months ago when I had joined. Geez, I was so cocky too when I started. I specifically remember thinking to myself: I’ve read a lot of articles and done a lot of informational interviews. I already know most of what I need to know. But whatever, maybe I’ll pick up a thing or two. Boy was I wrong, because holy crap, I learned a shit. ton. And that is not an exaggeration.

I know, I complained a lot about ProMatch being rather inefficient (and a huge time sink). What can I say: I’m an anxious person. I always feel some baseline level of urgency in my life. I was impatient about getting a job. Still, somehow all along the way, the people there really started to grow on me. Yup, I got sucked in. Shrug. So at the business meeting, I delivered my Success Story– a three-minute tale about where I’d landed and how I had scored the job. In my typical M.O., I spent some time prepping my talk. In the end, I couldn’t trim it down to the three minutes, but whatevs. I tried to impart some wisdom and encouragement about this trying and challenging shared experience called job search.

John was certain I was going to lose my shit up there at the podium, but thankfully, I kept it together. Maybe the voice quivered a tad at the end when I talked about all those negative emotions that arise as part of the process: self doubt, frustration, disappointment, inadequacy… my point in mentioning all that drama was simply to keep shit real. Hell, this was no walk in the park, and just because I’d signed a job offer last week doesn’t mean all the issues and uncertainty go out the window. Job search or beyond, I’m going to be inconvenienced by these pesky emotions over and over again. The thing is though, I refuse to let fear paralyze me. Even if I feel doubtful, I will continue doing what I gotta do. The human spirit is incredibly resilient, and thankfully (and remarkably), I have discovered strength even in the deepest depths of my despair. Credit to my friends and myself. Haha.

What else. Man, screw this social anxiety bullshit. Any chance possible, prey and practice on innocent bystanders. Seriously. Orientations, meetups, conferences. I don’t frickin’ care. I just started randomly chatting people up, and heck, before I knew it, my palms really stopped sweating, and my face really stopped turning beet red. Shit man, desensitization works!

Anyhow, I shared a few other pieces of advice while I had my few seconds of glory. Maybe my parents are right after all: sometimes I do enjoy being a little Ms. Know-it-all. Ha!

Rough New Week

This week is off to a rough start. On Monday, I finally got word from the environmental NGO with whom I had been interviewing since July. After four meetings, it turns out that leadership has decided to switch gears, so that position? It’s gone. Vanished. Well until 2016 or so. The CTO (Chief Tech Officer) suggested that a different role requiring different skills might arise in the meantime, so if I’m interested, let’s talk. That said, at this point, the new role is only conceptual, and the org will require quite a bit of patience from now until an actual job requisition materializes. I was pretty bummed with the news, even if the change didn’t necessarily reflect badly on my candidacy. Still. Sometimes, after facing so many rejections, it’s hard NOT to be uber dramatic and think to myself, “I will seriously never get another job again.” I know, I said I was being dramatic. Sigh.

John keeps reminding me: I’m seeking very specific jobs with very specific organizations. He’s right, but heck, just let me be a drama queen for a sec, would ya? 😉

Thankfully, the more positive side of my brain hasn’t totally died. On the plus side, after all these visits to the city for events and interviews and hustling, frankly, I was starting to re-think my target organizations. because shit, SF is frickin’ far!! So now, unless the org is walking distance to SF Caltrain, SF is a dealbreaker. I know, I just keep narrowing the field even more, but what can I say: commuting sucks and I value work-life balance. Haha. Apparently, beggars can still be choosers in my book!! So I am refocusing my energies now on the peninsula and South Bay. I mean, I’ve already expanded my net beyond philanthropy and corporate social responsibility (CSR) to include non-government orgs (NGOs), so surely, there are a shit ton of places within a 30-minute radius.

In other news, I delivered my first workshop today for ProMatch. The tech services team was asked to deliver a training on designing and creating business cards, a critical tool for job hunting. The slidedeck was pretty much already created: I just did a few content tweaks and updates, and then I reformatted to get all the font/spacing consistent. I co-presented with a veteran ProMatcher– a genius guy with a gabillion tech certifications behind his name, not to mention decades of experience working in Asia… Very nice guy, but he likes to talk. A lot. You know how I am with my tight-ass, urgent nature. Gotta be all efficient and shit. I swear impatience is my biggest flaw. Anyhow, the 2-hour session went well. We had an audience of about 14 people, and the feedback was positive. Whew! Done. I will say, this really was the first time EVER that I did not get nervous at all. I suppose all this ongoing desensitization and playing outside of my comfort zone has really paid off. Thank god I wasn’t burdened with the inconvenience of public speaking anxiety today. Yay. Very liberating.

Of course, just as I myself am conquering my anxieties, Martin is turning into an entirely different dog. Holy shit. Remember how mellow and laid back he used to be? After Reno, he did great for about a day, and then yesterday was a total disaster. Throughout the night, he abruptly got up and ran outside. He had his tail between his legs, and he was clearly freaked out about something. He was pacing around all unsettled, and then the panting and full-body trembling began. All last night, no one in the house got any sleep. This morning, I got up to prep for the presentation in the afternoon, and despite getting a few hours of rest from 9-11a, Martin again started freaking out before noon. Restless, anxious, shaking, panting. WTH??? I called the vet and left messages. Now it’s 10p, and still no call back yet. Meanwhile, I put on his ThunderShirt (same idea as swaddling a baby), tried to distract him with treats (first time he rejected food), and then even sprayed a sock with lavender and tucked it under his collar. By the time I had to leave for ProMatch, he was calming down a little, but still. This is so worrisome. John even came home from work early. Since then, Martin’s been better. If anything, I think he is physically exhausted from being so damn tense and high strung all night and day. John’s been reading about old age and senility in dogs. Symptoms include zoning out, trembling, disorientation, among other things. I really just don’t want to deal with this right now. I know Remy’s passing was many months ago, so I kind of had a break and I should be all bounced back by now. But I’m not. I feel so much dread just thinking about Martin growing old and having issues. Sigh. I know, I’m a goddamn control freak. I like want to “schedule” Martin’s aging process. I’m such a dumbass sometimes.

In general, I have to admit, I’ve been feeling a kind of baseline anxiety the last few months. I’ve lost my appetite and dropped a few pounds– not that I’m complaining. But there’s just this chronic tension. Sometimes the self-doubt comes up again. For example, with my project management abilities. Isn’t that the super skill I’ve been marketing all this time? Multi-tasking, keeping all these concurrent projects moving. And yet, dad’s condo is still not rented, my rental property repair is still not done, I have no job, and Marty’s issues are unresolved…

Tomorrow, I have a few classes. Maybe they will re-inspire me and get me back on track. I’m also exploring the consulting angle a bit… I’m meeting a fellow ProMatcher tomorrow who wanted to talk with me about his sales/marketing consulting biz. Also, remember the cowboy I’d met weeks ago who commented on my boots? He’s the GM of a local theater in San Jose. We’re meeting next week to talk about helping him market the venue and maybe work on the website… so we’ll see what happens. Gotta keep plugging away.

I recently submitted a few more apps for jobs in the South Bay. I’m actually pretty excited about this latest batch, because they feel like a strong fit for my skills and interests. I made John review my latest round (he hasn’t been subjected to this for a long while), and he actually had zero suggestions. In fact, he said my materials were a lot more compelling than before. Hurray for progress! Let’s hope I get some new bites soon.

Progress + Party

So John and I tested out the new grill by cooking up some steak and burgers. Very nice. John and I were impressed not only by the power of that appliance (the thing sure heats up fast), but there are also some nice touches under the hood. I like to see my Bubbey happy and excited about his new toys.

And on the plus side for all of us, my case with Lowe’s is now closed. The last few days, there were still a couple of rounds of back and forth with the Rave and Rants site, because I had requested that Lowe’s consider comping us a grill cover. Not surprisingly, I received no response to my inquiry (originally made offline). I then posted to the site and was told I’d receive a call within 24 hours. A day later, no response, so I posted again. Yesterday, I got the cover. Sheesh!

So yes, in the end, Lowe’s got ‘er done, but wow, that required a ton of calls and a lot of leg work. Little do they know, John’s nickname for me is Brenda the bulldog. When all was said and done, I did get $130 off the grill plus the free cover. As part of the original offer, there was free shipping, free assembly, and free haul away. Not bad, but even so, I’m pretty sure I will never buy from Lowe’s again. Yes, even the deal maven has her limits. Seriously. A part of me actually feels really sad for the company. When I worked for the fuel cell company, Lowe’s was one of our target customers. The executives were the nicest people, and with the company headquartered in North Carolina (where I went to undergrad), I kinda liked their story and vibe. Not anymore. I suppose now they are just like so many of those impersonal big box stores: scaled too quickly and just lost operational efficiency and competence. I mean, the Rant and Rave site really highlights major systemic problems. Oh well. I’ve washed my hands of that mess. Incidentally, people seem to LOVE Home Depot, so I guess I’ll have to try them for next time.

In other news, I had two info interviews this week plus an onsite interview with a tech nonprofit in SF. The meeting with the marketing director went well, and afterwards, I was passed along to another person on the 5-member team. I’m hopeful, but trying to manage expectations. After all, I’ve had lots of “good” interviews with no offer at the end of the rainbow.

ProMatch is keeping me super busy. I stepped up to a team co-leader role two weeks ago, and then I also agreed to deliver a workshop training on designing business cards. We had a dry run yesterday that well, took forever. It’s always challenging working with people of differing styles and personalities. Good practice for me, I suppose.

I also registered for a class on leadership and influence run by a coaching friend of mine. It’s a Skype-style class where you read a book and then hop online to discuss once a week for four weeks. I’m curious to see how that pans out. So yeah, I am still meeting new people, applying for jobs, participating in ProMatch, and building new skills. At this point, I really am thinking about alternate routes though. Yeah, my mind is really restless these days.

Oh well, this weekend we are having a small party to unveil the new grill. People are coming over in a few. We haven’t hosted a party in ages… partly because of my jobless shame issues, but I’m over it now. My new themes are focused on self acceptance and living the unconventional life. Haha. More thoughts on that later.

Btw, earlier this week, I had been lamenting my frustration with the job hunt to R, my former boss. He’s also job hunting and having similarly disappointing experiences– feeling like the interviews went well but then, no offer. Anyway, I expressed some irritation with people seeking employees that fit tightly and neatly into their exact little job description box. Sometimes, I wonder if they even want to hire people who think for themselves. Admittedly, I was feeling rather bitter. R replied “Don’t feel bitter – there’s no reason to since nature gave you everything anyone could ever want and things will work out before too long.” So true. This is yet another example of just how R gets things. His advice is so wise. Everyday, I am a work in progress. I know that my impatience and anxiety does not serve me. I need to calm down and then think clearly and strategically.

It’s kinda funny though. I told him how my most recent pie-in-the-sky dream is to be a writer/pro-blogger. He suggested that I go ahead and start a blog to see what happens. Haha, little does he know. I have been blogging since 2003. I might just have to let him in on my Giddy Go, Cowgirl secret. Sometimes, I wonder how people who know me will feel about being mentioned on my blog…. Muhahaha. Kinda makes things interesting.

Punctuating the Week

Friday was a pretty good day. I got up early and did a ton of research and prep for my phone interview (later that afternoon) with a nearby environmental org. After I felt comfortable drafting my responses to anticipated questions, I decided to squeeze in a ProMatch workshop on Agile Scrum methodology. Agile scrum is a management framework for product development– usually software development. I’ve actually heard John and his sister (who’s in retail software development) mention agile a ton, so it was cool to learn the vocabulary and get the basics down. Honestly, I felt rather empowered afterwards. Of course, like a true nerd, I immediately texted John all the new words I learned. I know, I’m such a dork. What can I say, I’m addicted to learning.

In the afternoon, I had my phone interview. It was a 30-minute call that went pretty well.  Beforehand, I started getting really nervous– my fingers went numb, my tummy started gurgling, and I could just feel the anxiety building. I took several deep breaths, did some pushups, and then the phone rang. I was pleased with most of my responses… at the end, the hiring manager kinda alluded to being pretty far along in the recruitment. I dunno how or why these timings keep being so misaligned for me, but reading between the lines, it sounded like maybe they had already extended an offer even, but if that didn’t go through, she said I was definitely near the top, and they would like me to go in for an onsite interview. So I guess that’s good news?!?!

Friday evening, John and I were invited to a Havana Nights-themed bday bash at the local country club. Yup, totally chi chi. I didn’t even know there was a country club nearby! Tucked away in the hills, of course. I spent some time researching what to wear for a Cuban-themed party… my Miami connection advised a short, tight dress, high heels, red lipstick, and a fedora. I tried my best, and I think I pulled it off. Although at the party, I did notice that only the men were wearing fedoras. Ah well.

My friend K was celebrating her 40th bday, and her whole family was there. They were all dancing and having a grand ol’ time. I couldn’t help but contrast that with how my family gets together: every meeting is just talking about serious family issues and life woes. No music, no dancing, no laughing hardly ever. So very different. My friend G has always said that Chinese culture is no fun, especially when compared to Latin culture (She’s spent a lot of time in Central and South America). Yeah, this bday party really highlighted the stark difference. My peeps are lame, man!

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Interestingly, I had my weekly call with my dad this evening. Last weekend when I called, my father was so “woe is I.” Seriously. I called and asked what he was doing. Sigh, sigh, sigh. Then, “I’m a gardener and cleaning man and carpenter and painter…” Apparently, several of his rental properties needed repairs and such. God forbid he hire people to take care of that low-level repair shit. Supposedly, he asked the tenant/realtor if she had a contact for simple repairs. No. So that automatically meant that no such service exists for the entire greater Baltimore area, right? WTF? Then Dad proceeded to say, “I’m a principal who is now a janitor.” Eye roll. Sometimes, my father is so ridiculously dramatic. That night, I emailed him a handyman service I found on Yelp. Jesus f-ing Christ.

The thing is, Dad just wanted to feel sorry for himself. I mean, of course, he can hire someone to do the work. But I think on one hand, he kinda wants to do it himself, because he has that curiosity about how things work. I know, because I’m kinda similar. And for relatively simple tasks, he also feels like he has the time since he’s retired. But Maryland summers are no fucking joke. Hot and humid as hell. So he probably started doing the work and then quickly realized he shouldn’t have. It’s fine. We all make these silly mistakes of biting off more than we can chew. And I understand the dilemma. He is still bored as hell in retirement even though he handles probably 10x the amount of shit most retired folks handle. It’s just that coupled with having no friends and being antisocial and spending all damn day, every damn day with my mother…. well shit, it’s enough to drive anyone fucking crazy. I dunno. It’s a chicken-egg issue, I suppose. I wish he could just find something (besides busy work) to get himself back into the zone. He’s proactive but also beaten down, you know? Tired of life. Unmotivated. Unhappy. I dunno. So many times I look at my parents, and I realize how NOT to live life. They worked so so damn hard for so damn long, and now? It’s just sad. Life isn’t over yet and these circumstances are not irreversible, but where there is no will or motivation, it’s hard to see another way.

Already, I’m having to take over some of his projects and logistics, for example, finding a realtor to get his DC condo rented. The current realtor is not my style, but Dad doesn’t want to break contract, so instead, we’re wasting time waiting for the term to expire. So lame, but whatever. I’m not going to argue for every little step with him. That’s what I mean when I say he’s tired. He just doesn’t have the same fire that he used to have. Needless to say, I’m contacting other realtors now to figure out who will take over next. And I’ll likely have to meet and go to the property when I head home later this month. I swear my father has just juggled so much shit for so long that he’s burned himself out. Frankly, there is just too damn much to handle. For me, it’s a good reminder that money never really comes easy. Even passive income is a constant hustle.