Category Archives: Class

Consolation Prize

Oh my. After another week of running around and putting myself out there, I just crashed and burned. Last Wednesday, Bubs flew back East again to visit his mom and take care of bidness. I went to seven trainings, met with more lenders, caught up with old colleagues, attended a few meetups, and hosted an open house.

I went to a bday party last night for my friend K at the university. She and the hubby just bought their first house: what a cozy and beautiful bungalow in Southeast San Jose! Some of our former colleagues were at the party, so it was nice to catch up. My former department restructured recently and some peeps I know got pushed out (sadly) while others scored big time reclassifications. Good for them.

Today, I had lunch with several engineering buds from the fuel cell startup. Between last night and today, I had a good time catching up with old buds from both workplaces but truth be told, after I got home, I broke down in tears.

I don’t really know how to explain it, but some days I just really feel like a failure. Don’t get me wrong: I am genuinely and sincerely happy for the successes of my friends. More pay, higher titles, opportunities for growth. Yay! I believe firmly in the idea of abundance: there is plenty of success to go around for all of us. But at the same time, sometimes I just feel shitty. You see, I want to be around motivated and energetic people. I want to be around movers and shakers– not bc those people are necessarily better people than others, but bc I feel a commonality and relate better to professional ambition instead of family goals (my fam is too damn dysfunctional).

So at lunch today with my engineering buds… I mean, they are just so damn smart. After all, these are the guys behind the chips and batteries and electronics and wiring in all the technology that makes modern living so fucking amazing: smaller and smaller devices; automotive innovations; medical devices that detect illnesses and deliver treatments to the ill; solar panels that are taking places off grid… We are talking about serious game-changers. And then there’s me. Still treading water, still trying to find my way: still trying to make myself useful and helpful. Still trying to change lives in some/any kind of capacity. Basically, still trying to rub two stones together to create a spark. I just felt so down on myself.

Every week I talk to my dad and there is nothing new to report. He tells me that building a new business takes time and anyway, I “don’t really NEED the money.” I mean I know he’s trying to ease my anxiety and impatience, but reminding me that I’m privileged, living in a luxury provided by other people doesn’t help. It makes me feel like shit. I don’t want to be given the consolation prize for success.

I’ve been pushing myself harder lately too. I was learning so much and I was feeling more confident and more comfortable talking about loan programs and reasons to own and whatever. I had toured enough open houses to add more touches to my hosting style to make the experience better and more informative for visitors. I was consistently updating my real estate blog. I was reaching out to people telling them about the resources I discovered… and nothing. I mean, some thoughtful and supportive replies but more often than not, no response at all. Do other people care about supporting/encouraging the success of people they know?? Probably not.

Meanwhile, I also attended the DTB meetup on Friday night. Had a nice discussion with a table of strong feminist women. Followed up with two people who had just posted to the group (so they are online). No reply. 

On Saturday, I went to the skate park for lesson 3. I’m still clunky as fuck but I’m enjoying learning a new physical (vs. mental) skill. The badasses seem to be skating faster and faster at the park so I’m having to dodge people everywhere. That said, it’s amazing to witness their tricks and mad skillz.

In other news, our contractor started on our master bath expansion last week. So far, he’s been punctual, experienced, thorough, and super tidy. I’m hoping he stays reliable and good. This week after Bubs gets back to town, the plumbers will start moving the water/gas lines to accommodate the new bathroom configuration. I can say that I’m a good project manager, but too bad I’m not earning any money from it.

Incidentally, National Puppy Day also happened some time last week. I scrolled through pictures of Remy and Martin and then started bawling my eyes out again. Yup, when it rains, it pours. I’m going to the hot tub now to calm the fuck down. I really need to get my shit together before the start of a new week.

Boring

Ok, so clearly I’ve fallen off the NaBloPoMo wagon… too much going on. I’m still pleased with my frequency of posting for though considering…

Martin is doing better after the second lug of subcutaneous fluids. He is eating again, but dang, that mental cognition is definitely starting to go. He’s constantly bumping into things and getting all tangled under the chairs, and then it seems like he doesn’t even know to go potty anymore! Like I have to force him outside and THEN in the process of walking in the yard, only then does he remember he has to piss or poop. Sigh. It’s frustrating and tiring dealing with his old doggie special needs, but shit, what else can be done?

I met with a sitter tonight. She was the only one of 12 sitters asked who agreed to a meet and greet. Technically, there was one other sitter who sounded totally on board via phone but then after I told her I was meeting with one other person, she like totally gave up. Was it a fear of rejection on her part that she’d rather take herself out of the running? I mean, what can I say, I need a super deep bench for this shit. Anyway, the lady from today works 20 minutes away with the hours 6:30-4, so she wouldn’t be home with him much except at night. But at this point, we’re out of options. And frankly, the last sitter was out nearly the entire day also, and he did great! I just hope the sitter confirms the booking tomorrow. The trip is still a month away, but I’ll feel better knowing someone has agreed to care for Martin.

Saturday’s magic show in Martinez was so much fun. It was a long drive 70 min each way but so totally worth it. The small venue. the California Magic Club, was super cozy and charming… just a complete labor of love for the owner and his posse of magicians. As we were served dinner, strolling magicians performed at the various guest tables. Then by dessert time, the stage show began. I realized that a lot of magic involves storytelling during the sleight of hand… and sometimes I don’t like the distraction, bc I want to keep my eyes focused on the tricks!! But I suppose it’s all part of the entertainment. There’s def some element of cheese to it, but at the end of the day, I just love the good, wholesome fun. Seriously, I’m so thrilled to have found this gem and for sure, my bucket list contains all of the other magic parlors across the country (there’s only a handful). That Southwest Companion Pass is gonna get used to death!

Related: I had the disappointing realization that magic is a craft that takes thousands of hours to master. One dude said his premier trick took him two years to master. And every single one of the five magicians was old, like over 50. In other words, there’s no chance that magic is gonna be my next hobby. I def don’t have the patience nor dedication. I’ll just have to continue as a spectator.

So speaking of hobbies, I met with the managing broker today– the  California native/surfer dude. I like him, but he was trying to talk to me about all the networks to tap… like what are your hobbies and activities?? Ummmmm. Yeah, I came across so boring and lame.

Uh, I do dog sitting on Rover. My hubby and I like to travel. We like to go to wineries. We like national parks. I used to work in nonprofit tech so I used to attend a lot of events in that arena. But man, judging by his stoical countenance as I rattled off these things, I could tell he wasn’t impressed. His advice to me though was to get involved in things that I would normally want to do and through that process, build my network. Ideally, these activities will involve a lot of people and people with steady income. Like my nonprofit crowd? That’s gonna be hard. And the dog clients… well not enough numbers. So I gotta think big, huge events… I see what he’s saying. But man did I feel like an anti-soc afterwards. My best idea at our meeting was to partner with a lender to hold a home buying/real estate education class for business and professional women at orgs and places where I used to take all my career and self discovery classes, i.e. Deborah’s Palm. Honestly, I felt deflated afterwards.

But later that night, John suggested that I have made good connections though classes in the past (like my friends W and I), so maybe now would be a good time to take up my Spanish or riding classes again. I think he’s onto something. The point is, I have to be planting seeds all the time… and since they’ll be at activities that I’m interested in anyway, it’s like a two birds, one stone deal. For a moment, I felt nostalgic for an older version of me: the one who used to have an activity booked every single night of the week. I used to do yoga and rollerblade and host game/craft nights, and ride horses and attend all kinds of classes– academic, language, community, etc. I was happy back then… and then circumstances shifted and things changed. I changed.

Admittedly, sometimes I get into such a zone about focusing on my work/career that I drop all my hobbies… and now that I see what has happened, I need to re-tap into that older version of me who is curious and fearless once again….

Tonight I emailed a ranch where three years ago I had thought about taking new classes. I do want to get back into the (literal) saddle. Meanwhile, I’m learning a lot about my new career by watching tech webinars and attending trainings. There are a ton of software programs to learn… Also today, I joined the national, state, and regional real estate associations and obtained my lockbox key so I can start scoping out properties. I will be ramping up for a long long while, but the lesson of the day is that I still need to balance learning the formal knowledge and tools with building my pipeline and with feeding my curiosity and nurturing my soul. With John and I both being at home, the hermetic way of life had really started to become the norm. Now, it’s time to get out and about again.

Hence, I joined a couple of meetup groups. I did meetup.com several times before in the past, like when we first moved to California and when I left my govvie job. Sadly, many of the groups were duds, but I’m willing to try it again. I signed up for a board games group and a couple of women professional groups. The board game group is actually meeting tomorrow night in downtown Mountain View. We’ll see how that goes. I’ve also rejoined the Palo Alto Lean in Circle whose meetings I used to attend regularly two years ago. Get busy living or get busy dying, right?

Licensee!!!

Holy shit, I passed my real estate salesperson exam this morning. It’s been a few hours since I got the actual paper indicating such (I checked several times that it was MY name on the thing!), but I’m still feeling like this a dream. Honestly, the last several weeks have been a blur. And having to deal with Tessa the last five days def did NOT help at all. That dog. Aside from her aggression and territorial issues that emerged despite two successful trials with daycare, she also required all kinds of supervision. Seriously, THE most challenging client ever. For example, she kept trying to eat Martin’s food; she would NOT stay off the furniture; she thrashed her dog pillow like a maniac; she got into bags, found cockroach traps… ANYthing on the floor; she was an awful, stubborn walker (she’d just cop a squat when she didn’t want to go in your direction); she got into the bathroom garbage like THREE times… the list goes on. Jesus Christ. I really wish some dog parents were more in-tune/transparent/honest about their dogs meeting basic behavioral standards. And heck, what kind of 8-y/o adult dog is so freaking incorrigible??? Supposedly, she had an extensive vocabulary… Whatever. At the end of the day, she still didn’t understand “No!” Needless to say, given these last two duds, I am taking a break from Rover. Yup, Bubbey called it for real: the good streak was bound to end and shit, Rover burned me good!

But whatever. On to bigger and better, now that I’ve passed the license exam, right? It’ll take the Bureau more paperwork and time to actually issue the legit license, but hell, I am just so relieved this part is over. My anxiety was getting out. of. control. Big time. Like I was thinking about how most people fear public speaking more than they fear death. Well, I fear test taking more than I fear public speaking (actually, I don’t mind public speaking so much anymore). Damn, I was popping Calms Forte like every day. And fuck, I studied super cray cray. Like used a gabillion books, plus webinars, plus study guides, a Saturday cram class, AND took over 1000 practice questions…

Thankfully, Bubbey saw how worked up I was getting over everything, so he stepped up big time, handling all the meals and groceries and household logistics. Then, he drove me to the exam site in Oakland this morning. Yup, like I’m Miss Daisy. It helped a ton though, bc that East Bay traffic would have taken my stress to a new level.

Now that the test is done, I’m actually really excited to find a brokerage AND start enrolling in all kinds of training/coaching programs. You know I eat that shit up! And of course, our trip to Seoul and Taiwan kicks off soon, so I’ll be able to chill out a bit, without stressing about re-taking the test. Whew! What a goddamn relief.

 

 

Turning it up

As you know, I’ve been jumping back into the networking pool lately. Unfortunately, the real estate instructor never replied to my email. I’m a little disappointed but not entirely discouraged. Having done this whole process before, reaching out to strangers and trying to make their acquaintance, I know it’s largely a numbers/volume game. I have to just keep plugging. So I still tune in to the instructor’s weekly webinars and one of these days, I will introduce myself to him in person. 

Incidentally, John’s friend T also referred me to her brother who is a realtor. He also did not reply. I get it though. Sometimes people are weird about responding to strangers. I don’t take that shit personally anymore, bc I’m confident that my approach isn’t entitled or demanding.

Interestingly, my own agent D texted me out of the blue last week. We met up yesterday and had a really good catchup over a pedicure and then lunch. She is super open and generous in sharing her experiences as a realtor, so I gained a lot of insight. She also put me in touch with one of her colleagues who is a broker running two real estate offices and growing her team. The thing about D is, she presses forward all the time. I’m sure much of it comes from her background as a trainer and coach and motivator: people in that kind of role have to adopt a certain language and style that nudges people… Still, I’ve never been someone who requires a lot of nudging. Give me your advice and insights, but then I will take it from there. So for example, she was thrilled to introduce me to her two peeps. Right then and there, she called them up on the phone, told them about me, gave glowing reviews, and asked if she could share their contact info with me. They both agreed. So I’m thinking, cool. I’ll reach out to them in the next day. Well, D suggested I call or text them immediately “while the lead is warm” to set up a meeting.

Here’s the thing. I always prefer written over verbal. And when I receive a contact from someone, I have a basic template where I introduce myself, name the connection, and then describe where I am and what I am seeking… And I am a very deliberate writer in that, I like to proof everything so I’m careful with what I say and how I say it. So she’s like telling me to text and I explain that I’m emailing. Then, she’s like wow this email is taking so long, blah, blah. I just ignore her. Then she wants to be copied, which is fine. Long story short, I send off the email and we go to lunch. By the time we’re done with lunch, her friend replies with a meeting date/time. Then D reads my email and acknowledges that it’s good, but then she again pushes me to formalize the meeting immediately. I understand what she’s saying about the connection being warm and being top of mind. But it’s not so urgent that I have to meet the lady TOMORROW or schedule it immediately. I mean, the good thing about D is that she’s just trying to help in her own way. Most people do have shit follow-through, so action items are now or never. But with me, I’ll get it done. Don’t harass me about it, bc I don’t need your prodding. 

I’ve been running up against a similar scenario with Bubbey. Maybe bc he doesn’t have his engineering team or coworkers to boss around and direct, he’s like starting to manage me, and I don’t like it one bit. I was telling him my plan for reaching out to industry practitioners to attend trainings, meet other realtors, and assess fit. D was thinking that if I got along with her lady, maybe I could join that office and ramp up even while I was waiting to take the exam. Bubs was also really focused on sussing out openings with these brokers… 

The thing is, I first need to make sure I pass the test. Then, I’m simultaneously  reaching out and learning about the events and different offices where I can prepare for the test and network with realtors and trainers. I dunno. Maybe he’s just sharing his thoughts, but I often feel like he’s reiterating what I’m already planning to do but somehow he thinks my approach is different from what he’s suggesting. It’s not. It’s frustrating bc I’m fine with spousal influence, but that influence has to run both ways. And that hardly ever happens with his personal/professional development. He basically just shuts down anything I propose in terms of networking and talking to people for ideas on projects and interest areas.

Anyway, in other news, my friend N arrives tomorrow. I have outlined a rough list of things to do so we’ll finetune after she gets here. Rover has been busy too. I had a meet and greet yesterday for a terrier who is kinda feisty and potentially annoying. She’s coming over tomorrow for daycare, so we can better test compatibility for boarding in early October. Then, I have another meet and greet for a referral client (from my esthetician) on Sunday. 

Martin is kinda stressing me out. After the Paso Robles trip, J and I have decided that our only real option now is to have sitters stay in-home, bc Martin gets really confused in new environments now. I met a lady today who seemed good, but she can only do part of our Asia trip, and getting her exact dates of availability has been like pulling teeth. I mean, I need to know so I can cobble something together with another sitter! It’s stressful too just wondering if we’ll even need care for Asia if we put him down before then. Every day is different.

Ok, I’m pretty pooped now. Off to bed.

Winds of Change

In my real estate books, there is a pair of words that comes up frequently in chapter quizzes and sample tests. Accretion is the gradual addition of land through natural causes. Its antonym is erosion, the gradual loss of land through natural causes. For some reason, with all the recent news of extreme weather, I’ve been thinking a lot about how quickly things can change. One minute, you’re moving one way along with the current, the next minute you’re tossed out of the fucking boat and completely disoriented. I guess that saying is pretty true: the only constant in life is change.

So a lot has happened lately. Mostly good news. Last month, after my friend M totally rocked her job application, Skype interview (while we were in Palm Desert), and onsite job interview, she scored a sweet offer for a higher position at a different public agency. Yup, after 11 years, she’s moving on. Up and up you go, my friend!

My other friend K recently got engaged and this unlocks the next phases of adulting for her. She and the beau are thrilled. I know, that only means more friends with kids in the pipeline for us (ugh). What can you do: the heart wants what the heart wants. JK. Haha! Meanwhile, my friend N recently sold her house, left a job, started a new job, and is now thinking about moving out of state after more than a decade in North Carolina. She’s coming to visit in two weeks and I’m super excited (and have a hefty list already planned out, of course).

Even when all the changes are good changes, for me it really reminds me of the importance of adaptability. Adaptability provides the backbone to progress. After I took the real estate exam prep workshop last Saturday, I realized that many of my steps in transitioning to real estate were sub-optimal. Bc of my fears and reluctance about returning to an academic setting (albeit short termed), I picked the more isolating self study route with online real estate classes, and I took the courses in series rather than concurrently. Also, I def obsessed about grasping the material sufficiently before taking the class exams whereas other people studied way smarter, meaning they understood they needed to just jump through the hoops and focus on getting to the next stage. It really wasn’t about understanding the content but just getting to the next phase. I mean, it’s fine: what’s done is done and I suppose I can view the slower route as a good way of training up my brain to memorize info again, something it really hasn’t done in a very long while.

Still, I was pretty down on myself for a few days. At the end of August, I had submitted my application for the exam date, Again, I just followed the very next incremental step based on info from the Bureau of Real Estate (BRE) website, but after I attended the exam prep workshop, I learned that I was actually supposed to apply for BOTH the exam date plus license issuance at the same time. Ugh, I picked the slower track once again!!! I’m hoping that the BRE will pick up their pace at the end of summer and hopefully cut the wait for both my exam date and the later step of obtaining the license, but we’ll see. I’m frustrated that I’ve kinda been “doing it all wrong,” but I suppose it’s also not the end of the world. As Bubbey has pointed out, there’s still a lot I can do during the waiting game, open houses, learning the neighborhoods, studying the area trends, etc.

I will say, in a minor attempt to recover from all my procedural mistakes, I emailed the instructor on Friday seeking his advice on how best to use the downtime from now until the exam date and license issuance. I asked him about internships and opportunities. I’m going to reach out to a few other real estate people I know to inquire the same things. I know, sometimes it’s downright awkward to ask for assistance, esp from people you barely know. But these are strategies I was taught during my time at the job training center: you have to put yourself out there. And to be fair, there IS a way to ask without sounding entitled. I truly believe that. And on the flip side, whenever a stranger reaches out to me for job advice, I happily oblige and pay it forward… So anyway, here we are. We’ll see how he/they respond.

 

The Bros

Bubs and I are finally settled back into living with sufficient oxygen. Whew ee, our bodies were wrecked from four days in the high mountains! Of course, in typical fashion, I had shit booked in my calendar for the very next day. Yup, I was scheduled to get my “bros” (brows) touched-up and then I was doing a uke lesson.

So, I’m not going to beat around the bush: the brows touch up session hurt. Like more than the first time. The lady suggested there was greater sensitivity, bc she was going over old wounds but shit… I wasn’t prepared for that level of pain! I started the session telling my lady that I was super pleased with the shape. My only constructive feedback? On the left brow, the bottom part has a really strong line and on the right brow, the end was turning bluish. Apparently, she preferred the line bc it made my brow pop more and she explained that the color uptake depends on so many things: blood type, skin tone, sun exposure, creams, etc. Seriously, with so many damn variables, who in their right mind would ever be a permanent makeup artist?!?

So she started with the topical numbing. I dunno what the deal is, but it didn’t help. This time, I was so much more uncomfortable, that I was like grabbing my own hands and fingers to keep myself from writhing. I dunno. Typically, I have a really high pain threshold, but the damn eye area is sensitive as fuck. She applied more numbing cream like twice more. It got better but then there’s that scraping sound!! After all was done (35 minutes), the shape looked different. Oh, fuck no!!!!! I had my uke lesson, so I had to get going. I thanked her and drove away, hoping that the increased thickness was just due to swelling and that the new wonky arch was going to settle down. Ugh. Yeah, kinda stressful. After my uke lesson, when I got home, I was internally spazing out. They just didn’t look as good. She said she went right over the old one… did she change something? I was totally despairing, and then Bubs was asking me questions about all kinds of other unrelated things. Argh! I don’t think he realized how much it was bothering me. I was pretty much obsessed and distracted for the next two days.

Later, when I would ask Bubs about my brows, he just kept telling me they were the same as before. Wtf does he know though? He can barely even tell one Chinese lady from another?? Somehow, I managed to still NOT freak out externally. Why? Bc what is done is done. What’s the point? I’ll just have to tweak it with the pencil once everything heals over. This is the risk I accepted when I opted for this shit, so pipe the fuck down!

So now it’s like Day 4 post procedure. Thankfully, the brow thickness has indeed gone down. The arch has also come down a bit… I’m still not sure if the arch high point is exactly where it was last time, but now the scabs are flaking so I can’t jump to conclusions. Today the brows are itchy and bc of the uneven flaking, the color is more mottled.

Geez, did this happen last time? Yes, similar but not exactly the same. Maybe I kept the brows drier last time and now with our new gym membership and my freaking out, I’ve gotten them damp more??? Who the fuck knows. Like I said, too many factors with this shit.

Would I do this again? Yes, bc I still like the added drama of tatted brows. And I am def loving my record 5 minutes get-ready time. The arch/shape still remains to be seen. At worst, I might have to pencil just a tad at the tip of the arch to get it to hit exactly right. But for the most part, it seems like it’s pretty damn close. The other conclusion here? Tatted brows are not for uber perfectionists. There are simply too many variables; And I mean, it’s a high-risk thing, right? Bc beauty is like art and art is subjective. The good news is that it’s not SUPER permanent. I mean, 1-2 years on average, so not the end of the world if I’m inconvenienced with having to tweak it. But for some people, 1-2 years of imperfect brows might still be too long.

But back to my uke lesson. You see, I recently discovered this amazing community program called LinkAges. Developed by a local medical foundation’s “innovation” center (who knew such groups even existed?), the membership timebank idea emerged after many physicians found social isolation to be a major issue among the aging population. So the solution? Create a community where members earn/use hours for any service from other members. The concept is so simple that I’m like kicking myself with “why didn’t I think of that?” Duh. And bc the timebank is based on trading knowledge/skills, it’s not limited by age at all.

After attending an orientation earlier this month at the library, I made plans to learn uke. I showed up at the member’s house, and well, immediately on stepping inside the door, I knew this was a Chinese household. Sure, her name was a giveaway, but I’m telling you: the mandatory shoes off and slippers on (bare feet is not acceptable), the oak furniture, the overall lack of decor, the smell… the lady was super nice and patient. And I really appreciated her bluntness. She said she had gone to several community uke jams herself, but she had trouble learning the songs (old white people songs), so she formed her own group with Cantonese-speakers. She said she’d invite me but they speak Cantonese instead of Mandarin, and they play songs from their generation.

Yeah, that’s definitely been the problem for me in the past. I attended several uke jams, but the songs were really old school and not knowing the tunes was a real detriment, bc I had no concept of the pace or melody. S suggested that I sing while I play bc that will set the melody (like the guitar, the uke is really just the accompaniment). Man, it’s too bad my gal G is in Seattle. When she lived in SF, she’d at least pick contemporary songs for us.

All in all, the lesson was a great first experience with LinkAges, and I was happy to bust out my Yuki for the first time in like a year. Now I just have to find a new tribe for it. As for the services/skills I’m offering, they include be tech support, EFL tutoring, eBaying, and maybe NuWave/pressure cooking tips.

Next Round

This evening I took my third and final exam for my series of online real estate classes. Again, all week long, my test anxiety was building up… after I had returned from Palm Desert, I vowed in my head to take the final exam before jetting off to Aspen. Well, here I am late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, and I got ‘er done. Yippee!

I immediately printed out the state license exam application and even though I still have TONS to memorize for the real test, I’m thrilled to just arrive at this next round. I still have my doubts and worries and confidence issues, but like at the Splashtopia water slide, I can’t let those fears stop me.

Meanwhile, my side hustle continues to grow: I scored two new clients this week. Two adorbs munchkins belonging to a lady in MV who was getting her carpets replaced… Her babies– a 13 y/o pudgy poodle named Bubbles and a 7 y/o Yorkie named Pikachu (I always accent the second syllable instead of the first)– came over for two days of daycare, and they were very fun. I just had them yesterday, and already the mom has written me a rover review! Yay!

Last week I also did a (very long) meet and greet with someone who’s boarding her 12 y/o Pomeranian after we return from Aspen. Based on the meet and greet, we have another case similar to Bubble Boy, but I think once the pup’s in my care, it’ll all work out fine. Those helicopter parents, though. They are hard. core.

Bubbey also returned from MD on Thursday. He brought me some more items for my eBay store. Muhaha. I also had some remaining credits to burn with ThredUp. Got my third shipment yesterday: all three items look great. I’m telling you: I cannot bring myself to pay retail for clothing now. This second hand shopping is a game changer for sure.

Ok, time to hit the sack. Morning flight to DEN. At least I can sleep well now that the class test is done! Woot, woot!

Conflict Management

I have to say, one of the most challenging things about adulting is conflict management. Sure, I’ve had a lot of experience growing up with my crazy Chinese family, dealing with their steady stream of unsolicited radical honesty, but I dunno, conflict with family is always different (at least for me) from conflict with the world.

I mean, it’s no secret that I have a temper.My mother always explained that she was super stressed and unhappy during her pregnancy with me, so Vicky the fetus got bombarded with negative hormones and juices. Yep, I practically bathed in that shit. In my father’s younger years, he also had a really short fuse… So I guess you could just blame genetics.

Needless to say, my family has always triggered the worst behavior in me, with well, what I would describe as fits of rage. In the working world though, I always managed to keep my temper in check. It probably helped that the triggers were less inflammatory and the issues were less personal. Still, no matter how often conflict has found me, it still makes me uncomfortable and nervous and uneasy. I may appear outwardly calm about it, but inside, it’s just eating away at me. Curse of the overthinking mind, right?

So yesterday, I had another restless night. First, I kept hearing noises and I just felt somewhat fearful and quasi-unsafe. Like mentally, I was freaking myself out about an intruder or whatever. Then I was stressing again about my real estate class and how I’m behind schedule and how am I gonna get this shit done and how am I gonna be an agent. Fucking self doubt.

This morning, my realtor called at 8:30a. I immediately rolled out of bed and answered the phone trying to sound like I’d already been up and running for hours (!!). He basically called to revisit our last conversation. For 15 minutes, he urged me again to drop the price more and re-engage the last interested party. Back and forth, we went. I talked about new properties in the neighborhood that just got listed (they’re listed even higher), the open house scheduled for Sunday, how my grandmother’s house sold for asking after sitting on the market for months… He just kept saying I should trust his expertise, and a deal shouldn’t fall through over $2k. The whole time I was reluctant but finally, I agreed to an “attempt to re-engage.”

After I got off the phone, I kept replaying that shit in my head. Why is he in such a rush? Why do I feel bullied? Later in the morning, I talked to Bubbey. He said it wasn’t about trust or questioning the agent’s expertise. It’s a disagreement on the market value. The agent says one thing. I say another. But J reiterated that the agent is my representative. He can argue his case, but ultimately, it is MY decision. And that’s where I need to assert my position more strongly. Bubbey, man: world-class EQ, I tell you. His point was good one, and I think part of all this stress is that the conflict and style of exchange has been bothering me since last week… But J was right. It’s not an emotional thing. I put in money for the renovation. I’ve been managing this property for years and in the end, I want top dollar for it. End of discussion. Whew. Are you feeling my growing anxiety over here? The good thing about me? I do what has to be done. I will have the conversation or discussion that no one wants to have (e.g. Eating disorder intervention, alcoholism intervention, what have you).

So I emailed my agent. Yes, a call probably would have been better but it’s past 5p over there and I’m better in written form. So I stated my position more strongly and now, the ball is back in the agent’s court. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, my dad called this afternoon bc he got into some feud with the pest control company. Long story short, last summer, there was a squirrel problem at the townhouse, so dad signed up for pest service. I guess the seasonal plan auto-renews, which he didn’t know bc he didn’t read the fine print on the back of the contract. So this July kicked off the new season and dad got a bill. He called the corporate office. Then the local office. Then, the local manager. They argued back and forth for 20 minutes, and my dad claims the guy said “fuck you” a bunch of times and then hung up. So who gets called in to resolve this issue? OnStar of course. Ugh.

So I call the guy. He’s hard to understand bc he mutters, his voice is low, and he’s in the car. He explains and says the charge was for take down service after the new season started and my dad called to discontinue service. So I just say that I want a copy of the work order and tech invoice to see what was done. Then I say, yes, the auto renewal was on the contract but no one fucking reads a contract esp when the vendor is standing there in front of you waiting on your signature. They should really give people a heads up like hey, the new season is starting next month and you are on track to auto-renew… Anyway, he agrees to send me the work order files after he gets home.

And then, I call him out on being rude to my dad. Fuck yeah, I did. I just said, I know sometimes it’s hard to communicate with someone whose native language isn’t English but there’s no need to be rude and unprofessional. Then he explained that he’s Hispanic (doh!!) and he doesn’t have issues with different cultures but my dad kept cutting him off and wouldn’t let him talk, so after 20 minutes, he said he had to go. Fair enough. I mean, my mother is NOTORIOUS for cutting people off. My father not so much, but if he thinks you are ripping him off, he can get argumentative. As for the cussing, was the dude saying “stop” or “fuck.” I don’t know. I apologized for dad cutting him off and please send me the work order. At most, not a huge deal. Dad would be out $70. I mean, some people might just pay the $70 to be done with this bullshit, but you know, part of it is the principle of it. Auto renewals are always super sketchy and I mean, if you’re yelling and/or cussing at my dad, that’s not cool either. So it got worked out, but that kind of interaction is fucking stressful as hell. So now I’m totally drained.

Time to pet my doggies and then try to salvage the day with some studying. Quickie trip to Palm Springs kicks off tomorrow (I had Southwest credits to burn!). Woot, woot!

Work Update

Wow, just like that and another summer month is over! Thankfully, July ended on a great note! Sparky’s mom came to get him last Wednesday, and she was so pleased that she wrote me a 5-star review (without me even asking). Woot, woot!! Bubs and I enjoyed a day with Martin solo, and then on Thursday, the German lady brought her long-haired whippet Carla for daycare. In contrast to Bubble Boy, Carla is a breeze. She can go outside unsupervised; she eats everything and anything (she’s a good Hoover to my messy Martin who leaves food all over the floor); no hand-feeding needed; and she gets along with all the dogs we encounter at the park. On top of that, her owner is a serious power playa (the first woman CEO of a German media company and current tech exec) who’s super nice and flexible to boot. Rover is working out great!

Add to that, a little side hobby/exercise of mine where I research/wonder about the lives of my Rover dogs. So far, every owner has been on the high end, power player side (yes, I look them up on LinkedIn), so I always imagine that their dogs are just living it up in the lap of luxury at home, you know in their hoods of Palo Alto and Los Altos. What do their dogs tell Marty? Do they tell him he’s missing out on the good life?? Haha. I know, I’m a nosy stalker/freak.

Anyway, the German booked me for two weeks of daycare in August after I return from BlogHer. August is shaping up to be a crazy month. J and I are both traveling a ton: we’re headed to LA next week for BlogHer (he’s just tagging along), where btw, Kdash is a keynote!! Hurrah. I’m curious to see how she comes off as a speaker… Then, Bubs is headed back East to handle matters for his parentals. I’m gonna hit up Palm Desert with my friend M (fingers crossed I don’t get heat stroke) for a quickie weekend getaway, and then for J and I’s big 20-year anniversary, we’re hitting up Aspen, CO! We love Denver/Boulder and have been several times but Aspen will be new! Yeah, kinda a lot of traveling but heck, why the fuck not? I gotta earn my Southwest Companion Pass somehow some way, right?

As for the real estate… With all the Rover work and travel planning, real estate was starting to fall to the wayside. At the same time, I realized that my test/school anxiety was cropping up big time, and I was like procrastinating about taking the exam for the second class. Then on Thursday, I called myself out on that bullshit: I mean, I was letting my fear and lack of confidence run me off the path! And if I’m really trying to give real estate a go, how can I possibly assess this career if I do NOT get the damn license? Time to fucking buck up. So on Friday, I woke up determined to take the test. Somehow other shit got in the way (we counter-offered on the Maryland townhouse… but it fell through), but after noon I got all my shit organized, and I sat down to go through the review questions, study guides, and practice tests. What was intended to be a 2-hr review ended up turning into a six-hour study session. And then I said to myself, “Ok, I’ll take the exam Saturday.” Oh, hell no! I was not going to let myself push this exam back another goddamn day. Can you see this internal struggle? Ugh. So I started the test at 8p, finished about 10:15p, and bam: passed. What a huge fucking sigh of relief. Two classes down, one more to go. After that, I’ll be eligible to apply for the license exam. Gotta get ‘er done.

Don’t Boss the Boss

I’ve been back on the Houseboat now for a week, and well, the reassimilation has been challenging to say the least. Immediately, I had a Rover client scheduled for the day after getting in. Cody is a corgi, so with that breed comes some strong characteristics: he was very sad to be separated from his family (for two days, he slept by the door, hoping that they would come back), and he’s super sensitive to noise. I guess J and I kinda got used to being with deaf oldies who NEVER ever bark, so having someone alert us to every little sound was initially, quite disruptive. But there are also endearing qualities that make Cody quite loveable. He’s super attentive: he always keeps an eye on me, and he loves to play. He chases balls and even entertains himself chewing on that thing long after fetch is over. It’s Day 9 and I have to say, he’s even got Bubbey wrapped around his little midget paws. I came down with a cold on Saturday night (I ALWAYS get sick near/around my visits with family!!), and after that, Cody was pretty routinely making himself comfortable in the bed. Yes, the human bed where dogs have been prohibited for YEARS. Goddamn, he is super soft though. And those wet puppy kisses are irresistible. I mean, I still have a soft spot for my first Rover Ramona, but the big advantage of Cody is that he doesn’t have an ounce of odor. For reals. Even his breath is fresh. Seriously, you have to see to believe.

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After two days of being mostly bedridden and sweating my brains out, I am finally bouncing back from my sickness. Just in time for another Rover client who is coming tomorrow. The poodle mix Sparky is much older and I expect him to be more high maintenance, esp given the detailed instructions I received from his parent. Seven days. We’ll see how things go!

As predicted, Marty is doing so great with these other dogs. What a testament to the power of social connections in promoting health! He likes having a buddy.

What else. Oh, on Friday, I met with a power player German woman who is seeking M-F daycare for her senior whippet. She was very happy with our meet and greet (hee, hee), and I was ready to proceed, but as soon as she left, Bubbey started getting on my case about booking all my time and no longer being flexible for our summer travels.

That’s the thing about Bubbey and me. We are always off in our timing. When I’m not working, he’s starting a new gig. When he’s not working, I’m starting a new job. For the first time ever, we are both not working. But he has all these grand ideas about hitting the open road and traveling… All while my plan these last few months has been to get my license and start practicing real estate in the fall. And as a chronic travel commitment-phobe, he’s super frustrating to pin down when making plans. When I ask for specific dates, he never gives them. So I just started booking plans for Rover, and he got all annoyed about my lack of consultation and how my work plans are eating into his “unplanned” plans. WTF, dude?

Yes, we had just talked the other day about trying to rent an RV to try out the nomadic lifestyle. But before, he told me all the RVs were booked for the summer. And we can still RV for three days on the weekends. Frankly, until you can put concrete dates in place, I’m going to keep working and booking Rover! I dunno: maybe there was a miscommunication. I was thinking summer was out except for the weekend quickie trips. Argh, fine! I went back to the German and told her I’m not as available as I had initially stated. I mean, it’s ok: I agree it’s rather silly to be housebound for just a $30/day gig, but I’m just saying, don’t make me turn down work and then we end up doing nothing at all.

Speaking of Bubbey, this last week being home together was somewhat frustrating. Since I’ve been back, he’s gotten on my case every damn day about studying for real estate. How much studying did you get done today? When are you going to take the class test? How many pages did you read? WTF, dude? I do not need to be herded. You know the deal. Yeah, I fell off the wagon while I was back in MD, but um, can you blame me? Did you see all the bullshit I had to deal with? And now I’m just getting back into the swing of things, and you’re harping on me about my study schedule? Not cool. Go put yourself on a schedule first, and then we can talk. SMH. Marriage. It’s a lot of work, man.

In other news, the reno work on the townhouse back east is progressing swimmingly. The realtor just sent me pics today: new kitchen flooring, new lighting throughout, paint touch ups, new appliances, granite countertops, etc. The construction work is right on schedule, and we’re expecting to go live with listing this weekend. Woohoo. Goddamn, I love it when people know how to manage projects! I could see myself getting into construction project management…

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What else. Oh, my parents booked their trip to Taiwan for the fall, so that means I’ll be booking our trip there soon. My dad suggested that we visit for 10-14 days, but I think I’ll keep it short and sweet given my last great experience. Also, I’m super stoked that my childhood friend N is coming to visit in mid September. It’s been many years since she’s come to California, so it’ll be great to have her out again. She’s getting antsy in NC, so I think a big change is on the horizon for her.