Category Archives: Class

Starting Fresh

TBH, I am appalled by how many of us continue to put up with relationship drama in adulthood. When I was a kid, social dynamics occupied an inordinate amount of my adolescence, I mean seriously, between being bullied, myself being a bully, evolving friendship circles, jockeying of status, all ON TOP of my family drama between my uncle who blamed my grandmother for leaving him in China during the cultural revolution to my other uncle who put my father’s family in extreme debt to navigating life as a child of anxious, paranoid, demanding, perfectionist parents. It was a lot, and looking back, there was constant anxiety about who was upset and complaining and having a total blowout meltdown.

As an adult, my way of simplifying my life (besides hunkering down on work) was to be more selective about who I let into my inner circle, and, related to that, to “set better boundaries.” Then I heard something recently, esp among modern-day psychologists, where they claimed people were using “setting boundaries” now as a guise for not putting in the work, not developing more sophisticated ways of interacting with others… On one hand, I definitely attribute my scorched earth policy to these past dramas/traumas (with a little t) that I encountered as a kid and perhaps I also developed it as a control mechanism. If I cannot alter other people’s behaviors and actions, my last resort is self-preservation. Maybe that was my rationalization. On the other hand, is there truth to what these psychologists are suggesting?

So a few weeks ago, I came across information online about Canadian physician Gabor Mate and his work around trauma and more recently around adult parent-adult child relationships. I immediately purchased his workshop called “Starting Fresh“, thinking I didn’t want to be guilty of “not putting in the work.” God forbid, anyone ever tell me or even suggest in the slightest that I don’t work hard enough… It’s a serious trigger (i.e. daughter of demanding parents). So fine, purchased the modules and worked through them in about three days, watching probably 10 hours of material. My conclusion is that Dr. Mate takes a very psychoanalytical stance to behavioral issues including addiction science. ALL of it points to childhood trauma. And when parents are in any way lacking in supporting/loving their child, THEIR behavior actually points back to their childhood trauma, what they call generational trauma. It’s all connected.

I suppose part of the answer in a path forward lies in awareness and a keen reminder that when people become parents, they are also going through the process blind. There is an element of doing it for the first time where you just don’t know what you don’t know. Honestly, for that, the real answer is to stop having kids so you let the generational trauma end. That said, I know there are still great parents out there who somehow have figured things out BUT more often than not, geez, what I personally observe is smart peers, colleagues, and friends trying their damnedest and it’s still NOT ENOUGH. The kid still has issues and is broken. And no matter how hard you try with research, studying, experts, counseling, CBT, DBT, whatever… there are just people/factors that you cannot control, and you cannot protect these delicate flower children! The workshop was realistic in that from the beginning, Dr. Mate and his son who co-led the workshop, said it’s called a Fresh Start, and don’t expect a resolution or fresh ending. I think for many participants, having the space to share their feelings and to hear the other side’s perspective was helpful, and actually, there was value in uncovering the histories… so many times, the adult children assumed they knew their parents completely, and they read them accordingly. But, they were inaccurate, bc they didn’t know the whole backstory. For myself, I realized that I have an incredibly strong desire to be right, to be justified in my thoughts and my judgements. I often felt that I knew enough of my parents’ history and that was sufficient for me to judge them and vilify them. My brain so wants to be infallible and omniscient.

The workshop certainly wasn’t a magic pill that resolved everything, but it gave me some new insights about my family. I saw how many times the kids feel that part of the resolution is demanding some kind of apology from the parents. In the end, Dr. Mate says you can’t apologize if the choices/decisions you made were what you honestly deemed best given what you knew at the time. And so there is a shift now towards the future, rather than always looking back. The past explains a lot of things, and maybe knowing more of the past is a form of generating empathy and more understanding to ultimately let it go. Then, we can focus on how to move forward and interact differently with the time that’s remaining.

Learning Rampage

I’ve been on a learning rampage lately… First, my real estate license is set to expire this year in November, so naturally in true VG fashion, I downloaded all the course materials in March and started EARLY with the classes. There were about 14 classes/45 hours of credits. Anyway, I started in spring and then wrapped everything up with the quizzes and tests in July. So now my license is renewed for another four years, woo hoo!

After I finished with that, I came across a free registration to an online senior pet summit. Even as a kid, I’ve always had a fascination with dogs and horses. I used to read all the sections in the Encyclopedia and also borrowed books from the library about grooming, care, diet, and training. Since Bentley is now 11, I thought the summit was especially timely. It was so interesting and covered a broad spectrum of topics from diet/nutrition to physical therapy/massage to nail trimming (so much more important that I ever thought) to euthanasia. It was soo good, and I came away with lots of new tips.

Meanwhile, here’s the update on Benny. Since the start of the year, his hind legs started getting very weak. The vet initially tried a combo of meloxicam and methocarbamol, but that didn’t help. We went off of it and just slowed down our walks. Then in April, we went to Carmel Valley Ranch for a few days, and Bentley really started to struggle with the uneven terrain. A few times, he lost his balance while pooping, which of course, is a full-blown Code Red. As soon as we returned to town, we went back to the vet. She wanted to try the methocarbamol/meloxicam mix again. Did it again and also added physical therapy/laser treatment. The PT recommended that we change out his harness, bc turns out the Easy Walk cuts off their front legs’ forward extension (covered in the Pet Summit!). I also tried doing more massage. No real improvement still.

We then tried Gabapentin, and that actually resulted in ataxia (back legs imbalance), so it was meant to treat possible pain and stabilize his mobility, but the dose was so high that it made things worse, and he was stumbling around all over the place. Backed off the gabapentin. then went to prednisone… of course all these meds are trying to attack the problem from different modes, like muscle relaxants, pain relief, nerve pain, arthritic pain, etc… The pred, which he was on before when he had the TWO autoimmune diseases, was also too high and resulted in stomach ulcers and diarrhea. Cut the dose on that…

Needless to say, it’s been a very bumpy ride. Now we are on the fifth med called Librela, an injectable monoclonal antibody for arthritic pain. The vet said that we may need two doses to see any changes. Right now, no real improvement unfortunately, but we’ll try again with the second dose next month.

Yes, the process has been super frustrating. But we are plugging along. The hind end harness and stroller are helpful.

Btw, I just came across this article last night. I wasn’t in full frame of mind looking at it in bed, but this morning, I listened to the audio and then it had me crying inconsolably. I know what’s to come sooner than later, and it’s going to be serious heartbreak. I just hope I can maintain awareness and perspective to do what’s right for Benny when his time comes.

Saved by the Stragglers

Well, I had a near meltdown this morning after I stayed up late rehearsing, couldn’t sleep, had bad dreams, got to the office at 9:15am to set up the food and drinks, and then NOT A SINGLE SOUL SHOWED UP. My colleague said she was going to come, and four people registered. At 10 am, I looked at the empty classroom and thought I was going to cry.

All that fucking flyering and asking my friends and Rover clients etc. to cross promote and whatever. I lugged this huge heavy-ass bag with three stoneware plates and all the goodies to make the breakfast foods pretty and presentable. Ugh. I sat there in the classroom with my loan officer. I was trying not to cry. Then, thankfully, at 10:30 am, an Indian dude showed up and he said his friend was on the way. OMFG.

We finally got started about 10:40 and another Indian dude showed up but he hadn’t slept. He came straight after pulling an all-nighter at work. He wanted to see my slides and then after I showed him, he said he already knew the info and wanted to go home. Um, ok.

With the remaining two dudes, the show went on. I felt pretty good about my part, talking about the benefits of home ownership and the current market conditions. Based on Bub’s feedback from my last homebuying class in May, I injected some personal stories too to make me more relatable. My coach and loan officer partner said I did a good job. It felt smooth and intuitive, thankfully. I mean, I did Elizabeth Dole that shit (as usual).

Then my loan officer came on for her part. Dang, the Indian dudes came with so many questions. So many scenarios. Thank goodness homegirl has been in the business since 2004. She had all the answers.

Then, get this. At like 11:45 (the class was scheduled for 10-12), a Chinese couple with two kids come into the room. Um, are you here for the class bc all the content is done, we are in Q&A phase. They were so strange. Kids ate a shit ton of the food. I was so annoyed and then they just kept asking me loan questions. Um, I’m the realtor. She’s the loan officer and she’s with these people. Here’s her card and you can meet with her privately to discuss your personal scenario. It was just so bizarre.

We finally got done at 1:15. In the end, I felt ok about everything. I think these guys will be clients for my loan officer. I’m not sure if they’ll work with me. They have to get their finances worked out before we really know what their budget is, but I will try to engage simultaneously while she works up their applications. They were cool guys. Young and single but very goal-oriented. It was cool to see such diligence and intention. Sometimes it’s so frustrating bc people at open houses can be “casually looking” for like years. Analysis paralysis or something. I dunno.

So I got home, and my Rover client Biscuit was slumbering away. This little corgi mix gets heavier and heavier every time I see her (third stay). She’s like a mini tank. But it’s nice coming home to a wagging tail. I so miss having my own doggie. Jan 2018 is the new deadline. I need a doggie to warm my home.

Well, I did email follow ups and also called today. I’m so pooped. I actually went to get my toes done for the first time in probably a year. It was so nice. Now I’m headed for a soak in the hot tub and then it’s bed time. I need some major zzzs.

The Next Big Push

On Wednesday, I attended the first session of BOLD. BOLD is the sales prospecting class I took back in May… yes, the one where I had to talk to 100 people per week. So our company offers the 7-week program twice a year, and the leadership at my office was giving us the big sell to take it again. Honestly, I had no plans to register a second time (I mean, it was hard enough the first time around…), but we were encouraged to attend the free first class at a minimum– as a refresher/reboost at least. And by golly, a re-boost it was!

I ran into my former team captain. Yes, the uber suave frat boy who wasn’t necessarily my style, but. I mean, I have to give credit where credit is due. Homeboy is always decked out in a sweet suit, and he is smoooth when he talks. He just exudes confidence and success. So we chatted for a bit. Like Bubs, he was like, you’ve done 20+ open houses and only made one sale? What are you doing? What are you saying?

After a quick chat, the bottom line? Don’t email that evening with follow up. Call. You gotta call. Ugh. I mean, make no mistake: I have done calls in the past. But I always hated it. And esp when I got dud numbers or “voicemail systems not set up”, I stopped, bc I was sick of getting shit numbers from visitors. So after a few fails early on, I went the email route instead. The team captain insists that I have to master the call. Fine.

The other thing I gained from him? Work on the scripts more. And he demonstrated his tweaked versions– just short, quick lines but delivered with confidence and dang, they were so natural. I’m telling you, this dude is a master.

So I got reinvigorated. That day after the training (8:30-3:30P), I headed back to the office re-energized. Let’s get this shit going. So I went to my list of over 100 open house visitors. All the visitors from the very beginning, and I started to call the numbers I had. What do you fucking know? I spoke to maybe 10 people. One person made an appointment with me for Tuesday morning!!! Three others are interested in meeting after their hectic schedules die down in two weeks. One Dutch lady too… omfg, the craziest story: I actually got her confused with a lady from Canada. Yeah, after I left a very detailed message inquiring about her job offer (reason for the Canadian’s possible move), I later realized I got the women totally mixed up. Holy shit. I seriously try my best with taking notes of all the open house visitors as they come through, but sometimes, huge groups come all at once and it’s really hard to get their names, their spouses’ names, plus their context. Long story short, I was in a quandary. I mean, NOW what am I supposed to do??? I clearly got my wires crossed.

Well, I resolved to admit and apologize for my error. So, I emailed the Dutch lady and explained that I’d gotten her confused with another open house visitor. We had over 100 people through in two days, and I’m very sorry for the mixup. If she has any real estate needs, I’d love to meet over coffee to see if there’s a good fit. I mean, I was fully prepared to be written off, you know? But holy crap. The lady replied and said she wanted to meet after she returns Stateside in December. Say whaaaa???

The strange thing about all of this? I really just needed a couple small wins to give me more confidence to carry on. First, thank goodness I spoke to my BOLD team leader. To be honest, I saw him there all dapper and confident. I really didn’t want to talk to him, bc he’s fucking intimidating, you know? But once we made eye contact, I knew I had to approach him. And it’s so critical that I did. Second, I’m so glad I went to that Bold refresher, bc it really made me realize how much I’d started to slack off, you know? Like I’ve said a gabillion times before: you have to work smart not just work hard. It’s not enough to run myself into the ground doing busy work. I have to spend my time in the areas that count! Third, I was reminded that my goal for success and fear of failure needs to trump all else.

In other words, I’d been dragging ass about making calls for the longest time. Why? Bc I was worried what people would think of me. I was worried about rejection. I was worried about coming across unprepared or incompetent. That fear stopped me from doing it. But the truth is, nothing will be MORE disheartening or more disappointing to me than failure in real estate. That is the worst possible pain re: my career, so I must do everything and anything I can to NOT feel that pain. Whatever it takes.

What can I say: this was the reset button I needed. So since last Wednesday, I have been stepping shit up again. I still have zero signups for my homebuying class, but you know what? It’s still a great idea. It’s still a good niche, and the preparation– even if no one shows up– is worth it. I can’t let this small disappointment bring me down. So I’ve been canvasing and flyering all over the damn place. I asked my friends. Friends who work in tech. I told open house visitors about the class. I started putting my class postcards in the door jambs of cars parked in apartment complexes. Yes, I was that creeper walking around in dark garages, putting my flyers on the cars. I hit up really nice quasi-skyscraper apartments in Cupertino where I went deep into the bowels of a 4-level parking garage. Some dude saw me going car to car and stopped to watch me. Like you know, to make sure I wasn’t burglarizing or shit. It was funny.

Today I co-hosted my friend’s listing. A 2 BR/2BA condo in Cupertino. TONS of people. I gathered their info. Said I was going to call to set an appointment. I told them about my class. After I got home, I emailed everyone the disclosures and then I made the calls. Three people are open to meeting with me. They want to check their schedule tonight and get back to me tomorrow. One even thanked me for the follow up, OMG, whut? Am I finally finding my tribe?

At first when I started making my calls last Wednesday, I was so surprised. I told John that I could NOT believe people were staying on the phone having conversations with me. But John said calls are def way more effective at getting commitments. With email, people don’t see or hear you. They can just ignore or reject without seeing any reaction from you. With in person or phone calls, people are more inclined to agree. I mean, duh. It’s such common sense, and yet, I dunno. I just forgot. But I’m seeing it now. And it’s so important too to say, “let’s meet and see if we’re a good fit.” As my team captain said, don’t say from the get go that you want to work with him. That comes across as desperate. Instead, let’s meet and see. That way, you have an out and they have an out. Kinda like dating I guess. You can’t just insist you’re compatible. SMH. Genius.

I mean, that line is working so much better. And honestly, I get to maintain my own discernment and dignity. I’m excited for this final push before my trip to Taiwan. I’m determined to up my conversions. New week kicks off tomorrow!

Keeping the Momentum

Whew, I am so glad my class is done. That said, I am only giving myself a brief respite, bc I am totally paranoid about losing the momentum. I keep telling myself that success never comes easy; don’t lose steam!

In terms of moving ahead, I already knew this but somehow doing the various lead generation activities really opened my eyes to just how much quality trumps quantity. Looking at the stats, all those efforts reaching out to strangers (“un-mets” as we call them in the biz) show super low conversion. Cold calls, door knocking, flyering… To get one warm lead, you gotta hit hundreds of people. So I’m going to zone back in on a more targeted approach.

So I’m brainstorming a few ideas:

  1. Tabling with the banks for loan days. These people at least already have an account at the bank and they are physically present for a possible pre-approval session with my partner lender.
  2. Tabling at workplaces during lunch for an “Ask the Realtor” or “The Realtor is in” session. Another version of this might be a lunch and learn session.
  3. A regular schedule for homebuying classes.
  4. Calls to For Sale by Owners and Expired Listings.
  5. Calls to more lenders and experienced agents who have open houses I can host.

I also need to fill all of my lunches and dinner with meetings. Yeah, as the coach reminded: 100 contacts/week is NOT something to be celebrated. That is the bare minimum. Yikes. There’s a new baseline now.

Fortunately, I am FINALLY starting to see some traction. I know, I can’t believe it! One of the lenders with whom I did the loan days in April called while I was in Nashville. She has two clients who were getting pre-approved with her and they are NOT working with an agent. One dude already set up an appointment with the other agent she recommended. The second guy, I’m hoping to hear from. It’s one of those things though where the buyers want my info but they don’t want the lender to pass their info to me… Yup, people are hypersensitive these days about their privacy. So I’m waiting.

From my homebuying class, as I mentioned, none of the attendees were people I reached from canvassing; that said, turnout was solid. Two parties were former colleagues at the university, and two other parties were notified via my neighbors. I’m so grateful for the support of others. It makes such a big difference. I have 3-4 warm leads from my class… people who are considering buying in the next 12 months.

There is also an agent up in Burlingame whom I met many months ago through my volunteer group, Linkages. He’s been so generous with his time and advice. His aunt is selling her house next month in Milpitas (closer to me), so I’ve been checking in with him weekly, following up on the schedule, and I’m planning to help him with canvassing and flyering for the upcoming open house. He’s been so so good to me, and I have to say, with him being Chinese-American, there’s so much commonality that I would not have anticipated. Like even talking about the condition– the upkeep and maintenance of the aunt’s house. The way Chinese people live in their spaces… it is so different. And all the activities in BOLD. His mom, who is also a Realtor, was so uncomfortable with the prospecting, not to mention the Money Magnet exercise. Anyway, it was so helpful to hear his perspective and be reminded that these are all tools we need to assess for ourselves and then select the ones that work for us.

I will say that I struggle with parts of life that require selectivity. On one hand, I’m pretty curious and I like to learn, so I attend all kinds of classes and events and trainings. There is some part of me that wants to believe if I just follow the prescription of the experts, I will make it. The concept of a blueprint for success appeals to the side of my brain that likes things to be black and white and just very clear. And my idolization of specialists also drives me to believe in their secrets and in their tactics. Like that show, Married at First Sight. Despite the craziness of the premise, there is some part of me that believes or wants to believe the experts with all their knowledge, wisdom, and tests will be able to run their matchmaking algorithm and come up with the right fit! Never mind that in four seasons with three couples each, only 1/12 have worked out! Still, when the Bold trainer says not to take the class a la carte, I like that bc it’s less mental strain: I can focus on the techniques and not think about the details of what to apply when and where.

The problem with this mentality is that despite my affinity for simple and straightforward, I also have a very independent, judging, and defiant mind. So in my head, both sides are constantly at war with one another. Even as I had resolved from the beginning to “not do this a la carte,” I was thinking and evaluating at every single stage! I mean, while I consider myself more of a generalist than a specialist, this ain’t my first rodeo in life, you know? I have some amount of life experience and wisdom to bring to the table, and why should my opinions or thoughts be dismissed? Like the language, the word choice, the delivery, etc. I’ve worked in communications for a very long time. 

So here’s my dilemma: In my DISC personality profile, my D (dominance) is super high, meaning I’m driven towards execution and getting things done. But there is a detail part of my brain that likes to know how things work and to check the numbers. For example, when I held that swanky open house for the top producing agent, I was the one who noticed her flyers in her display box were inaccurate: The address was correct, but the pictures in the flyer were wrong, as was the website URL. Also, when my lender prepped his slides for my homebuying class last week, I found an error in his financing scenario. When my coach sent out market data stats to his students, I caught errors in his calculations and graphic (I was maintaining my own separate spreadsheet to track the market changes). I mean, mistakes happen. I’m not saying that I’m infallible, but I’m just saying that I do look at the details. So as I went through the training, I gave thought to what we were instructed to say… and I didn’t always agree with the technique. But you see my issue: my mind has internal conflict and flip flops.

The one thing that I really liked about Bold– My team captain really proved to me that you can deliver the scripts in a natural and compelling manner. I mean, he didn’t follow them verbatim, but he understood their intention and used them as talking points. Honestly, he modeled the conversations even better than the coaches. So my conclusion is that it can be done. I don’t believe in winging anything, so I’m going to study/practice/internalize the main points of the scripts and then aim to deliver them convincingly. With practice will come confidence and effectiveness. That’s right: time to Elizabeth Dole this shit.

Shortcuts

I gotta admit: anxiety is a strange beast. I mean, I always have some chronic level of anxiety: honestly, I feel it’s just a part of life when you’re an over thinker and/or a perfectionist. There is always something to worry about and obsess over bc shit’s just not quite right.

It’s funny though bc even though I identify as an over thinker, I don’t really consider myself a perfectionist. That’s a totally separate thing, and given my nonchalance about the details of our home reno, I do feel I have a certain freedom that perfectionists don’t necessarily have. Like the old shower tile work wasn’t completely straight but heck, I never even noticed until now… like seven years later. We ran out of floor tile and another box of it was on backorder for months, so we just substituted a similar but DIFFERENT tile for underneath the vanity. It’s covered up anyway.

And I kinda do hacks/shortcuts like this all the time. Just yesterday, I had my first homebuying class right? I wore my new CAbi jumpsuit with my Vince Camuto peep toe booties. My feet are looking rough these days. I just haven’t been doing my usual home pedis. So my toes were looking bad. And my event was set to start in one hour. My solution? I put on my shoes and just painted the exposed toes. Yeah, I couldn’t even be bothered to polish the ring and pinky toes on my feet. Oh well, that’s just going to have to do. And I do nutty shit like that all the time. I had this bedazzled necklace on a fabric backing that just would NOT lay flat. I kept re-tying it to get it right, but it just kept folding over itself, so fuck it: I pulled a Donald Trump tie trick. That’s right: I got a piece of packing tape, doubled it into a loop, and voila, that mofo stayed flat against my shirt. Of course, as the day wore on and the tie/sash loosened, that middle medallion sat nonsensically perfectly positioned. What can I say: I gotta pick and choose my battles, man.

So the thing I’ve noticed in the last several weeks is that anxiety compounds itself. I got so wound up over everything that 24 hrs later, I am still trying to fully decompress. It’s like my body got used to the elevated stress and then almost forgot how to come back down from it.

Right now I’m en route to Nashville, and it’s funny but my college bud’s girlfriend is an uber planner, so I am just showing up. I mean, overall, I enjoy travel planning, esp bc I have my process down, but every now and then, I certainly appreciate the luxury of just showing up. Seriously, after we settled on the dates MONTHS ago, she researched and booked lodging, car, and created a Google docs filled with things to do. I didn’t have to coordinate with the AirBnb lady. No searching things to do on TripAdvisor or any of the travel guides. Bam, it’s already done. Thank goodness, bc I have been maxed out and would not have made time for it on my plate.

In other news, my bathroom reno is still happening. It’s SO frustrating but essentially, after we selected our GC, we thought the only piece he was going to outsource was plumbing. However, after the project got underway, he ended up outsourcing electrical, tile work, painting… I ended up using our gardener’s brother bc he was available sooner and I wanted to try him out, but that has turned out disappointing too. He works full time and then does our stuff after hours, and things have just dragged on bc he can’t come every day. The interplay def has not been optimal and I’m super frustrated by it but I am learning for the future. Construction project management is only good when you have a well-oiled army of good, reliable, punctual contractors. That’s what it all boils down to. I had to ride my painter already and it was not comfortable, and now I know for next time that I want a very specific schedule breakdown and calendar of availability. Sure, it’s not the end of the world, but a month plus was just way longer than I had allotted in my mind. Right now, we should be done by the end of next week. Ugh. I just want to put crap away into the new vanity and remove all that junk lying around my bedroom floor.

Meanwhile, our friends recently got their master bath majorly re-done. The project dragged on for months and months. Finally, it was done and they enjoyed their new monster bathtub several times, only to discover water leaks three floors down in the garage. And no one knows why that is happening but clearly, the new bathroom is the culprit and all that beautiful new chevron porcelain tile is gonna have to come out. Major shit. Plumbing problems are THE worst. For a split second, I entertained the idea of being a female plumber. I figured solid waste engineering already prepped me for the conditions, but nope. Too many problems with water damage. I’m out.

What else. Oh, I attended a CAbi networking event on Monday. My friend T had suggested at the host party that I should become a CAbi stylist. It’s basically a Pampered Chef but with clothes. Frankly, I’m already knee-deep in the throes of a sales job and I’m already overwhelmed. But, I got invited to the event and I figured it would be another opportunity to meet new people. It was ok, and I always like learning about organizations where women are entrepreneurial and you know, flourishing in business. Still, those multilevel marketing programs are just hard for me to accept. I like the clothes. I do think they are much nicer worn than hanging on display, but I mean, I’m almost exclusively a second-hand clothing woman now. I just don’t value clothes enough to pay $80-$100 for a blouse and $130+ for jeans or pants. Since the hosted party event I attended last month, I found CAbi stuff on Schoola and Thredup, so I’ve been acquiring more pieces– just not at full price. Regardless, it was an ok event and I made some new connections. But shit, I am tired.

Money Magnet

Like I have been saying all along, the end of my sales program can NOT come soon enough. My final class is next week! Woo hoo. From the get go, there were pieces of the program that just rubbed me the wrong way. Day 1, I got put into a group of 9 with only ONE other woman. In picking a team name, the captain– a super suave prep charmer dude– insisted on something with “money” in it. Ugh, really? Well, I was outnumbered. Our team name became Team Money: Keep it 100. WTF does that mean, I wondered. Apparently, the Keep it 100 is from some rap song. Somehow I was designated the team scribe for our posters and tally scoreboard. I thought the Keep it 100 was like Keep the $100… you know, like I’m flush with cash so you just keep that extra bit. Nope. Got that wrong. The 100 is like 100 percent, not $100, so the saying means to keep things 100% or keep it real. Honestly, thank goodness I have had an entire lifetime of being a social and cultural misfit… this was YET another one of those occasions. And the only other woman on my team is a 20-something whose mom and sister are both Realtors. Fine, whatever. Team Money it is. Then, we had to come up with a team chant/cheer. I mean, usually, I’m not that creative with that team spirit stuff, so I had nothing to offer… Naturally, the chant was, “If it doesn’t make dollars, it doesn’t make cents. Ching, ching, ching” (with the motion of like sliding bills off a fat stack). Ugh. I mean, how money obsessed are we? I was so disgusted, but whatever. I didn’t have any ideas and whatever, be a team player and all. So fast forward several weeks and the coach is trying to get us to up our “financial thermostat”… like identify what our level is– below or above which, we get uncomfortable. So the thing is, I have a weird relationship with money. I like to save it, but I am not obsessed with acquiring things. Sure, I like a comfortable life but it’s not like I wish I had a yacht or Ferrari or personal jet or whatever. As it is, I already feel super blessed and spoiled. So we do this exercise where every day we receive a deposit of money and we have to spend it ALL by the end of the day. The next day, we get another infusion and it’s double the previous amount. We’re not allowed to save or gift the money. The idea is that people with high money goals know how they plan to spend it and that helps them push to hit that goal. So people are like doing fancy $100k+ cars and luxury bags and private jets and personal chefs… I dunno. I bought my parents a house and just invested in real estate mostly. But it just felt like a really materialistic exercise and after my day with the homeless lady, I just was not in the mood.

But the shit just kept flowing. We were instructed to each bring 20 $1 bills to class. The coach claimed that people have a weird relationship with money which often forces them to push it away, so this exercise is supposed to have us welcome and want money. Huh? So no joke: each person lies down on the floor. The teammates throw the dollar bills over him/her (like it’s raining money) while s/he exclaims, “I’m a money magnet,” over and over again and grabs at the money. I was so disgusted by this and yet… people on my team thought it was funny. They like took pictures and videos. WTF. Where the fuck am I???? There was something about it that felt so cheap and sleazy and after I came home and described it to John, we realized what it was. It was as if I were a prostitute being thrown dollar bills. And some people on my team even released the bills in that Ching, Ching, Ching fashion like you would see in rap videos. It was so fucking ridiculous.

And the thing is, my partner is that 23 y/o chick. She was totally into it. Like she totally knew the Keep it 100 line, the rap song, everything. I mean, I suppose there’s two decades of life between us. She’s sweet enough but I dunno. Clearly she didn’t read things the way I did. Just for some background: she’s also a pro golfer who has hung out with Shaquille O’Neil and shit, so obviously, we run in different circles.

Another example of the huge disconnect? The other day, she asked me: do you ever have meetings with potential clients where they just set an appointment with you so they can ask you out?

Um, no. I can’t say that has EVER happened to me. In real estate. In my other jobs. In anything. SMH. I mean, am I an alien to the nth degree or what?!?!?

Fortunately, after talking to John and my friend G and a few other peers, I am starting to see that I’m not alone in sensing all these red flags. Yesterday at the office, I talked with a lady who’s around my age and she revealed that every fucking week, during the class, she is counting down the hours and minutes AND wanting to run the fuck out of there every chance she gets. She also found the money magnet exercise super cheap and degrading. And she didn’t like the hyper focus on money in general. Not everyone is in real estate for the money! Anyway, I had a great conversation with her and it was just a relief to find someone who was on the same page. She also hates the scripts and referred me to a book that uses better language.

Then she also gave me a warning. She used to be a mortgage lender and she said the sales culture can be very destructive. She knows a lot of people who have gotten divorced, broke up their families, etc. bc they get caught up in the lifestyle. You work late hours, you work weekends, you have to meet lots of new people so there’s a lot of happy hours and partying and whatever. Be careful. I mean, honestly, I don’t think it’s a problem for a dowdy, awkward, alien like me, but it was interesting just hearing her perspective bc subconsciously, I had already noticed how many people in real estate are divorced…

I remember at the environmental agency, a colleague of mine divorced his wife a few years ago. The reason in their case was that she got all caught up in the “startup” lifestyle. And oddly, I’ve been saying to Bubs that my job is very much like working at a startup. I meant it more in the way of long hours and high stress plus the pressure of sales like when Bubs was in the game and ALWAYS thinking about work. But I guess there’s also some truth to the sales culture involving a lot of schmoozing. Anyway, something to keep in mind. I hope I keep my head on straight.

Breaking Point

OMFG, my body has been all kinds of fucked up the last week. First, I had been fureaking out about my homebuying class, which was tonight. Usually, I am not THAT bad about public speaking, but I suppose the combo of having to deal with the lagging home reno plus my prospecting class plus delivering a real estate preso for the first time ever, plus worrying about all sorts of other “adulting” familial matters just put my stress levels through the roof. I was having constant tummy aches; my fingers were numb; I was having diarrhea for like days on end… it was seriously getting out of control.

On top of that, I had to prep the preso slides– most were existing content from my coach, but they were not in any kind of consistent template and the ordering was all non sequitor. When I spoke to my coach, he kept telling me that typical turnout is 25% or less for such events. And then my lender did not prep his slides. We were supposed to do a dry run rehearsal last week and now it was the day before, and he didn’t have any slides done. In fact, I got his slides two hours before go time tonight.

Long story short, my body was revolting. I’d started prepping my talk a few days ago and I did a few dry runs. Bubs is always more critical than not: Confusing here. Not enough emphasis there. Too many slides. blah, blah. That commentary was yesterday, so I was already feeling up to the wire. More tweaks. Bubs is just so sharp on that shit… all that business acumen from his startup days I think. Ugh, I was feeling underprepared and not good enough!

Somehow though, I woke up today feeling calmer than the previous two days. I kicked off my day with many tracks of Meditation Oasis… thanks, G! That shit is specific too, with stuff on like emergency anxiety relief. Thankfully, the day started off ok. I attended a volunteer event at the office and felt moderately calm. Then, in the afternoon, I did one more dry run with Bubs two hours before show time. More feedback. More tweaks. Fuck!!!

The good news is that 19 people registered and 12 people attended. I was disappointed that NONE of the attendees were people from my door knocking and flyering/canvassing efforts. Two came from my contacts who passed along my info. Four were people from my last job. The rest found out about my event on EventBrite. Of course, as 6pm came around, I was starting to worry bc only 3 people were on time. And my coach was telling me to start on time out of respect for those who were punctual.

My talk went ok. Bc of the stragglers who came in after I got started and I made last minute tweaks, it wasn’t perfect… there was a part where my voice lost confidence bc I expected a different slide than what was next. But whatever: Bubbey said he was really proud of me. And my own coach said he could tell I’d done public speaking before. After my part was done, my coach came in for a few slides and then the lender came on. He went so slowly, I was really getting antsy. But it was weird bc even though he got way down into the weeds, people asked questions and that indicates at least some interest and engagement.

Many people also stayed afterwards to talk to me and well, I’m going to follow up and hope this converts into something. I’m just so relieved it’s done. Several areas to change, but I’m happy with the outcome given that it was my inaugural talk as a Realtor. Shoutout to Bubs for prepping all the food and snacks. I’m grateful also to my former colleagues who attended, as well as my neighbors who helped me spread the word.

Tomorrow, we’re headed to Nashville for a long weekend. I honestly did feel like I was breaking this week, but thankfully, I am ok and I will enjoy our time with my college bud J and his gal. Next Wednesday, I graduate from my sales class. I will say, that shit has been a struggle every damn week… with the activities and some bizarre brainwashing/quasi-cult things. I spoke with a colleague today who is also participating and she said every class, she wants to leave and not come back. It was interesting that she had similar doubts and repulsions bc I felt like I was the only one not drinking the KoolAid. More on that stuff later. I def grew a lot and so many things would not have happened if it weren’t for the class: cold calling, door knocking, canvassing, my homebuyer class… still, it’ll be nice to exercise my own adult judgement on what is appropriate in terms of how to proceed.

Ok. I am beat but still mentally wired. Going to try to sleep now.

Seeking Shelter

In my sales/prospecting program, many of the students are feeling maxed out and on the verge of a meltdown. The coach keeps explaining though that when life transformation occurs, people have the meltdown(s) and then they let off the gas pedal. He insists that the correct response is to depress the pedal even further, bc you are right at the cusp of a breakthrough. I mean, I absolutely believe that people can surprise themselves with the depth of their strength but shit man, I’m not gonna lie: I am counting the days til this thing is over bc I am tired, boss. In addition, I am feeling so much anxiety! The culprit for the anxiety shifts around among different things but still, there’s just a high baseline of stress that’s causing my skin to get itchy and inflamed plus I am having all kinds of bad dreams.

In the beginning, I was super freaked out about the cold calling. Then, I got desensitized to that but I got tired of the inefficiency, so I switched to door knocking. I liked that better but again, it was hard to get people to come to their doors. So then I hit up the public spots. I started to really prefer the latter, as people seemed generally pleasant. But then, as I started doing that more, I suppose my sample size got larger and well, I started to encounter the jerkies. By then, I had fortunately developed a thicker skin but still, the annoyance is never going to be a zero.

Since my Whole Foods experience last Wednesday, I’ve hit up the Sunnyvale public park, the library, and then shopping/park areas in Santa Clara. I’ve already reached my 100 people for week 5. Of course now the coach has asked us to aim for a Bold 100 (100 people all in one day) + 60 additional people. WTF with the changing goal posts. I mean, I’m going to just say, I believe in metered and steady, so that 100 in one day ain’t happening. I agree that more numbers is always a good thing but… I have my limits. Some people in the class reach all 100 people via calling. That equates to about 9 hours of calling in one day. I think that’s pretty insane, and I’m skeptical as to how many leads they get from it. Then again, I still don’t have clients, so who am I to say.

Incidentally, when I hit up the park on Friday afternoon, the third person I approached with my homebuying class flyer turned out to be an older woman walking with her small dog… As we conversed, she told me she was homeless and living in her car. I mean, you have to remark on the irony of it all, right? Here I am, scouring public places in search of buyers for homes that average near $1M, and now in front of me, another human needs a place to stay and a place to shower. She went into her whole sob story: her hubby supported them; he got very ill; she was his caretaker; he died in December and his family never liked or supported her so now she’s living in her car. Honestly, it was heartbreaking and I just kept thinking about those asshole Republicans in the House who just voted to strip healthcare from regular people. Luckily, she had a phone. I promised her I would look around for resources in the area and get back to her. She left.

Afterwards, I felt so ridiculous with what I was doing, so I walked a few blocks to the public library and asked the info desk for stuff on homeless resources. I also got a bicycle map with all the Sunnyvale streets. I went back to the park, called her, and then I circled/plotted a few key places. But when I dialed a bunch of numbers, the places were closed or the numbers no longer worked. And I was running out of juice on my damn phone. I told her I would research more and call her later. Had she eaten today? Yes. I gave her $20 for gas or food, and she was so touched and thankful, she started to cry as she walked away. Over $20, folks. It made me so sad seeing how such a small gesture and small amount of money moved her so much. It only goes to show that she has not seen much kindness. Poor lady.

I walked to my car parked on the other side of the park and then I just started to bawl. I mean, what kind of world is this where $20 represents some generous act of kindness that brings someone in apparent need to tears?!? The world is a fucked up place. I have always known and understood that life is unfair, but sometimes the disparity is just so jarring and disturbing. There really can be no god.

That night, I could not sleep. I got home and called a gabillion numbers. Wrong numbers. Closed. Fax numbers. It was a royal clusterfuck of an experience. I went to bed feeling completely frustrated and spoiled, what with my heated mattress topper. Fuck, what is she going to do?

At 7am the next morning, Evangelina called. She asked if I’d found anywhere for her to stay. No, but let me try again this morning. More internet research, more wrong numbers. I must have dialed 25+ places. When I did speak to people, their facilities were either full or there was a 2-4 month waitlist for housing, or they only helped victims of domestic violence or teens or pregnant women… Finally, around 9am, I found a 250-bed shelter in San Jose. The place guarantees the first night for anyone who is new. After that, they run a daily lottery for beds. I also spoke with two case workers who asked me to have Evangelina call them. I called Evangelina and was so relieved to finally give her some options.

J kept telling me that I’m such a good person for helping her. But strangely, I feel ridiculous: How easy is it for me to be able to pass her off to someone else so that the “system” can help her. I mean, it’s still a cop out no matter how you dice it. At the same time though, society makes you afraid and cautious…

I’m so grateful for the kind souls who do this kind of difficult social services work. And I am glad, esp in California that we have programs for people. I know in my heart of hearts, there isn’t much difference between Evangelina and me. The distinction is privilege– not even anything of my own doing. I live a fucking charmed life, and I want to remember that every. damn. day.

Pounding the Pavement

Aw man, I just wrote a huge long post and then I started to fall asleep… As I went to save, I actually did NOT save and now it’s all gone. Fucking A. Argh!

Anyway, one of my revelations of late is that door knocking and canvassing are now my lead gen activities of choice. Why? Bc I can reach more people in less time. Yeah, that cold calling stuff was bullshit. I mean, people just don’t answer their phones anymore. And when they do, their radar for anything salesy is on super high alert. Five words in and I’m shut down. It sucked.

With door knocking, at least I am really practicing body language, speaking, and you know, building rapport. So after our weekend in Temecula, I was all worried of course about hitting my numbers. As soon as we landed in SJC, I went home, changed, printed out more flyers, and I hit up three parks in Santa Clara. In 2-3 hours, I also passed by some open houses, went in, and then continued on. The factors that worked in my favor? It was Sunday and the weather was beautiful. Families were out together enjoying the sunshine. For the most part, people weren’t in a huge hurry and maybe being in the presence of their kids also made them behave more politely. I mean, don’t get me wrong, on the path between the parks, I still ran into some jerks. They cut me off and glared like I was majorly inconveniencing them, what with my 10 seconds of talking… On the plus side, I also ran into one family where the dude stopped, listened, and responded, “Right on, yeah, we’ll see you there!” Say what? His reply made me laugh, even if he still probably won’t attend. It’s pretty interesting just the spectrum of reactions… In those two hours, I reached about 45 people, which is a good use of time I think. I def felt better about my numbers.

The next day, I hit up the library and then my office park. I really thought my office park would be a slam dunk, esp since people work in the adjacent buildings but eh… after walking the public spaces at lunch for a few days, it was generally the same people. Some very pleasant and nice. Others not so much.

But today we had the fifth of seven classes in my prospecting program. Afterwards, I was feeling motivated to up the attendance for my homebuying class next week, so I tried the Whole Foods. I spoke with the manager and got approval to hand out my flyers. Holy. Crap. People were super rude. They wouldn’t even take my flyer. And it was hotter than hell outside too. I dunno if maybe they were on a schedule or what but people were extremely snobbish and unfriendly. Still, I decided to give it an hour… things did get better and I actually had two real conversations… including someone who asked me about strategies to win in a multi-offer situation. I came clean and said I was new but I had spoken with a lot of lenders who shared what they did to help close the deals. He seemed happy with my reply and said he would consider going to my class! Woo hoo.

There was a moment today though standing outside of the Whole Foods the first 20 minutes when I felt very vulnerable and defeated. But then something inside me resolved that I’m not going to be shamed into leaving sooner than I originally planned just bc some people think they are better or think I offer zero value. I’m not there for them and I won’t be intimidated by their busyness or urgency or impatience. I reached probably 30 people. I can’t say I’ll return but never say never. 🙂 I’m sometimes a glutton for punishment after all.