Author Archives: Vicky

The Tooter

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OMFG, my dad. In the last 24 hrs, I’ve spent about five hours on the phone. Every call is a fucking code red emergency. That’s the thing about dad: he’s a Get Things Done kind of person, which jives with my personality except that all his to-do items are Quadrant 1 priority: BOTH important and urgent. And they frequently involve me. Like I have to drop all my shit and tend to it immediately.

So yesterday, he calls me all frantic before my open house. He has to submit some stock paperwork and the required documents didn’t arrive in the mail after the exact 7-10 business days they told him. So he calls the company again and they say he can access the info online. Except that he doesn’t have an online account set up. Back and forth, they’re trying to guide him to set up an account, and it’s not working. I get called in. But since it’s financial shit, I have to have him on the phone while I do anything on the call. I used my iPhone to conference call with the rep while I was tunneling into his pc, but my cell signal at home kept dropping. I called SIX different times and spoke with six different reps before I realized it was my signal. Meanwhile, they are unable to call me back. I cannot get the same rep. Finally, I have to go outside to the front of my house with my laptop, phone, and iPad. I give up on the conference call and use the iPhone for the customer support dude and my iPad Facetime for my dad. And then I’m holding the two devices close to one another so it’s a conference call. Meanwhile, Bentley is in the yard barking at passerbys. I’m telling you, it was a fucking zoo. Yes, I know. There MUST be a better way. Long story short, I’m on the phone for 90 minutes. I tell the last guy that the account creation process is sending me in a loop. He doesn’t believe me, so I have to repeat the bullshit process again, a sixth time. Same error, like I told him. Oh, now you have to wait 24 hours to do it again and then it should work, he claims. All this just to create a fucking account, I tell you.

This morning, I get a call from dad to schedule me for 3pm to do the tech call. Yes, I know. I already have it in my calendar! Jesus Christ. I don’t need to be poked and prodded like my brother. Meanwhile, John’s flight from Shanghai got delayed five hours. Yup, he was on the tarmac for the whole time. First, it was thunderstorms in Shanghai. Then, some bullshit US-China political reprimand where all carriers were allowed to fly/take off before the US carriers. I go to the airport to get Bubbey around noon and then after I get home, it’s time for my tech support call. Incidentally, Dad’s important document arrived today in the mail, so he was already meeting with the notary. The emergency was averted but he still wanted to proceed and set up online access. What do you fucking know? The account works today. So he’s got everything and is good to go… but wait, there’s more.

His home security system is busted (it’s from the 1980s). If I have time, can I research home security systems for him. I mean, JFC (Jesus Fucking Christ), if I have time? Why even bother qualifying the request? It’s not like I have a choice. And don’t act like it’s Quadrant 4: not important and not urgent, bc before the freaking day ends, I know you’re going to hound me about it already. My solution this time is to do as little research as possible. Just get Comcast home security. Bundle that shit and be done.

Oh and also, while he has me on the phone, can I type of a cover letter to accompany the important paperwork. That’s the thing about dad. When they were visiting last month, I had called about the paperwork and what had to be submitted. They said just mail form XYZ + notary stamp. He kept asking the rep and me, do I need to write a cover letter to go with it? No. Just the form and supporting docs. No, that’s all you need. So what the fuck happens today?

“Oh, I hand wrote a cover letter to accompany the paperwork. Here’s a picture of the letter, can you type it up for me?” That’s the thing. He wants my help but I have to do things HIS way. If I tell him no, he just keeps pestering. It’s annoying as fuck.

So fine, it takes five minutes to type it up but then I tell him: we already went over this a bunch of times when you were here. The rep said nothing else was needed; I dunno why you insist on creating more work for no reason. Well I wanted them to also know that blah, blah, blah. There’s always some reason for the extraneous crap.

I mean, I’m sure this kind of confidence (err self-importance) is very common in entrepreneurs and leaders. They delegate things to others, so part of their job is to convey the importance of what’s being done, so people will willingly take it on, as if what you’re doing to help me is super important…

But I dunno. To me, it’s often needless tedium. Yeah, maybe it helps give a bit more context around the task but it’s superfluous. Sometimes, good enough is appropriate and sufficient.

I mean, he is grateful. He’s always been classy about expressing gratitude towards people who help him. But then with me, he launches into a spiel about how he used to be so self-sufficient when he was younger, and now he needs help. Um, you’ve kinda always needed a lot of my help… just sayin’.

Ugh. Ultimately, everything gets turned into a lesson on how to do things in life the right way. Like his whole, I’m very organized and from my childhood, I always do things very methodically and thoroughly. Yes, you do but you don’t have to remind me of this every damn time we talk on the phone. I know he lives by a very educational approach and philosophy (is it Confucian?), so I’m sure he’s just leading by example. But it can be damn repetitive and self-aggrandizing. Like when he talks about how hard he worked when he was in private practice and how much hustle he has even into his senior years and how he is burdened with so many responsibilities… it’s really hard for me to respond at all. I don’t feel empathy and I’m not about to encourage the Superman attitude. Even Bubbey is noticing now preachy the stories are. He now calls my father the Tooter. Yup, bc he likes to toot his own horn.

A Different Person

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Well, two days after we returned from our Italian vacation, my parents descended on the Houseboat. About two months ago, dad had asked for me to book their next flight to Taiwan and at that time, I urged him to use SFO as a stop over. In other words, fly out to California, stay a week, and then fly direct to Asia. Or, stop over here on the way back. It breaks up the trip. Nope, didn’t want to do it. He wants to get there directly and “not waste time.”

I mean, every time he goes to Taiwan, he stays at least a month and a half. What’s another five to seven days added to the beginning or end? He says he prefers the route through Narita in Toyko instead of flying through SFO. Yeah, makes sense if you do the entire trip in one push, but if you split it out into two journeys: east coast to west coast and then west coast to Asia, it’s more tolerable. Whatever. I’m not going to argue with you about scheduling a brief stay (that is along the way) to visit your only daughter. Jesus fucking Christ. I mean, seriously. It makes NO sense unless he’s factoring in some cost factor. Like if he’s using points, a roundtrip from DC to Taipei costs the same amount as a roundtrip from SFO to Taipei. If you split it into two separate trips, you’re basically having to pay extra for the DC-SFO leg. He claims it’s a timing thing… he doesn’t want to bother us and just wants to get over to Asia as soon as possible. And anytime you comment that the flight to Asia is ridiculously long (about 24 hours door-to-door), he responds that he’s done it so much, it’s NBD. Yes, his response is yet another one of his “I’m a soldier who’s fought a thousand battles” kind of things.

John is starting to call him a Tooter, bc my dad likes to toot his own horn. Like anytime you ask if he got good sleep the night before, he says he’s always been a good sleeper. And he can function on just 4-5 hours of sleep. He did it his entire career. Blah, blah. Ok, whatever. Mind you, only like some ridiculously small percentage of the population can function and thrive on 4-5 hrs/night, but sure, you’re Superman. SMH. Anyway, when I was booking his flights, he asked me when might be a good time to visit. I said that I was really trying to hustle before my office anniversary in June bc any transactions I did from now until then, I would earn my full commission without having to pay out the office split. That split resets in June.

So then what does he do? He wants to come in early May bc that works better for his Taiwan trip, which seems arbitrarily selected anyway. OMFG. That’s what I mean: why ask if you’re going to completely disregard my response? I’ll just make it work.

So they came and overall, it was a good visit. We stayed locally and did a variety of activities: Stanford gardens, bocce ball, open houses, new construction, meals out, meals in the backyard, etc. Mostly though, if you get them a Chinese newspaper every morning and eat seafood meals here and there and have Chinese programming at night, they’re happy.

Mom is doing ok, but still declining cognitively. The weird thing is, she is an entirely different person now than the woman who raised me. She used to be so damn fearful and neurotic and naggy… now she’s easy going and holy crap, she lives in the present. We used to fight ALL THE DAMN TIME and my brother always came up as a point of contention. Now, there is no mention of him. I feel sad that she requires so much care and repetition, but at the same time, she just seems so much happier. She laughs a lot. I sometimes wonder how our relationship would have been different had she been this person while I was growing up.

As expected, my father is still involved in a gabillion things. He just won’t fucking let up and the caretaking responsibilities for my mother are visibly wearing on him. He basically never leaves her alone, and bc her short-term memory is so bad, he has to repeat things super frequently. And she gets confused easily, even with daily conversation. On the other hand, bc she’s so chill now, there’s no more bickering and fighting between them. Still, I can see that he’s lost a peer and a companion. I’m sure that handling so many important decisions alone is lonely, overwhelming, and burdensome.

As usual, John is amazing with my parents. Honestly, he is like the child they never had: smart, patient, successful and just so damn considerate and kind. He found a Chinese soap opera and started watching it with my mom (while I was working on my computer). He talked to my dad about healthcare and stocks and tech and stuff on CNBC. I feel so blessed for myself and my parents that Bubbey is such a caring and gentle soul. I bet my parents wonder where/how they went wrong to produce such asshole dickwad punks. Sigh.

We had some serious conversations on this trip too. I got a tiny bit more insight about their medical directives and the living trust. I mean, for someone as detail-oriented as my dad, he really shared some bare bones, vague shit but I’m working on getting it all spelled out. Goddamn, it reminds me of that potential seller I met months ago… every important document she had was physically printed and she just lugged them around with her. Nothing was digitized. SMH. Kinda similar but at least my dad has a computer and a cell phone that he actually keeps turned on.

It’s Not About You

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From a super young age, I’ve always been judgey. It’s gotten a shit ton better in my older years, but it’s still there. I think it cultivated early on, bc my parents are hypercritical people. They used to always have comments about shit– you know, boatloads and boatloads of (unsolicited) feedback. I think part of it is being Chinese: To succeed in their school system, you have to be competitive and to be competitive, you have to constantly know where you stand among the others. On top of that, my father is also a very straight arrow and he has a very strong compass calibrated to his own sense of right and wrong. People and their life choices (and the consequences) are then judged against that compass. It’s probably not anything that is unique to my father… everyone does this to some extent but he is just more pronounced about it.

So from childhood, I was very attuned to observing others and comparing/contrasting behaviors, qualities, achievements, etc. And more specifically, I was hyperaware of any inconsistencies or hypocrisies. It’s kinda strange bc now as a weathered adult, I feel like hypocrisy is just part of being human.

I may have mentioned this already but over Christmas, when I was home in Maryland, I met up with T, a friend from the second grade through post college. She’s the one with her parents in failing health and she’s the one left having to figure it out (lame brothers unite!)– like where they can get care and how to fucking pay for everything. It’s a nightmare lesson in poor parental planning, to be honest. Anyway, among all her family drama and burdens, she talked a lot about alignment– having her actions align with her beliefs. And a few years ago, I was all up in that shit. In fact, that’s largely what drove me to leave nearly all of my jobs. I just couldn’t stand the misalignment I felt with management and/or the mission. I had this notion that being true to yourself was of utmost importance.

But now I feel differently about things. I mean, sure, I still have a proclivity for the black and white. I want things simple, cut and dry, spelled out down to the t. BUT I dunno. With all the recent news and just grime that I’ve gathered from life, I really wonder now whether alignment (like fairness) is a realistic expectation. Take, for example, the animals. I know about the horrors of the meat/dairy/food industry at large. Yet, I continue to eat meat, drink milk, consume cheese, buy leather… I know about animal testing. And I still buy Covergirl cosmetics bc that’s the only shit that covers my blemishes without giving me breakouts. My younger self would NEVER have forgiven myself for these selfish and insular choices. But my older self? I dunno. I’m beaten down and tired of fighting. I feel like the best I can do is eat less meat or try to eat “organic” meat (even if I know the labeling system is bogus). Is it bc I am in survival mode? Or has life turned me into a nihilist? Maybe a bit of both?

Beyond my self-judgement, my judgeyness of others has also evolved. I used to notice and be annoyed by all the contradictions in people I knew. Like with my dad: how could he be a non-religious, pro-choice OB/GYN who repeatedly voted Republican? Or, even now, how can educated, “smart” people still support Trump? I suppose what I’m coming to learn now is that life just doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why did we ever have the expectation for it to make sense to begin with?

I mean, did you hear about MLK? Such an impassioned orator and advocate– the leader of a fucking important movement. Well, turns out he was a total sex fiend, philanderer, womanizer. His poor wife. That’s what I mean: People we admire, trust, love, and follow. They make choices that are so non sequitor. What about Elon Musk. Innovative, articulate, intelligent. Why is he always dating women just past pubescence? Ok fine, older than that but STILL in their freaking 20s. I mean, am I supposed to believe that the kindred spirit thing transcends so many decades of age for SO many powerful and successful men? Puhleeze. Look, no matter how precocious, I highly doubt that humans are mentally/emotionally mature and developed in their 20s. Just saying. So where am I going with all this?

I notice the discrepancies. But in general, they no longer faze me. If you were to tell me my mailman were a pedophile, I would not even be surprised. So if reality is just laden with treachery and deceit, maybe I just want a break from the incessant surveillance. I mean, I am exhausted by the constant watching. And ultimately, what’s the frickin’ point?

On a more personal note, the inconsistencies used to bug the hell out of me. For example, I had a friend tell me multiple times that I was like a sister to her. Every time my bday would roll around, she’d forget to acknowledge it. Not a huge deal considering my own parents oftentimes forgot. But she would call weeks later and say, “Oh, I don’t celebrate bdays or holidays so I never keep track.” Ok, that’s fine. Then, her sister had a kid. And all of the sudden, every milestone was remembered, and she even hosted a crazy bday bash for the kid when she turned 5. The lesson? Family is always different than friends. No matter what people claim.

Another example? John and I adopted Bentley in January. I have some good friends who have yet to meet him. I get that he’s not a human. He’s not a newborn baby. But if I, as a child-free person, acknowledge the importance of your child… shouldn’t you demonstrate a similar level of respect for my milestone? I’m not all up in a rage about it. I know that life happens. People get busy. I’m not infallible. But these are things I notice. And they bug me. My younger self would be far less forgiving. My older self feels it, is annoyed by it, but what more can I do? People choose their priorities. Life goes on and disappointment abounds.

Hmm, turns out I might actually be onto something with this “sweeping it under the rug” approach. Apparently, when people are chronically late, you shouldn’t take it personally, bc it’s not about you.

Yup, all happy thoughts today. It’s been one of those days. I spent the afternoon checking in on people (potential leads) and not hearing one darn word back. Jesus Christ. Why don’t people have the decency to reply? It can be as simple as, “Thanks but no thanks.” or “Not interested now, but please check back in two months.” Ugh. Time for a break– taking the pups for a walk.

Halloween in May

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Well, I got ghosted again. It’s my own damn fault, bc before the Italy trip, a few places in my hood came on the market. So being the follow-up kind of person that I am, I reached out to that couple who rents in my hood. I had met them at an open house I hosted back around Christmas and they ghosted me back then.

This time, I thought might be different. And twice, I made the ask to work together. I turned them on to one home on their same street and they said they wanted to submit an offer. I took the call from Italy even and made arrangements. Then, when I sent them the paperwork, no response. at all. Yup, ghosted again. Apparently, it’s Halloween in May over here. Smh.

Even John was so shocked by how unprofessional these white-collar, tech workers are. I mean, who operates like that? and with their neighbor, of all people? They said they wanted me to work with them on the offer. Then, once again, they just pumped me for info and then never replied to my voice mail, texts, or emails. The lesson learned? Real estate is seriously one of THE most disrespected professions ever. People not only have zero loyalty, they have zero respect. They think it takes nothing to buy or sell a property. Never mind ALL the paperwork and legal docs and the fiduciary responsibilities. It’s disappointing and annoying. Since then, more properties in my hood have come on the market, but I refrain from contacting them. I’m done with folks like that. If they won’t show some respect, I will have to respect myself and not work with flakey people.

Restless in Italy

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John and I were in Italy at the end of April to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. I know I’m a total anomaly, but to be honest, I was reluctant to spend 10 days away on a European jaunt. I don’t expect anyone to understand: when I’m in work mode, that’s just all that I want to do!

Needless to say, Bubbey is the sweetest hubs out there. Normally, I do all the travel planning from flights to hotels to arranging dog care… but this time, Bubs did EVERYTHING. I mean, it all started bc he’s had the travel bug (big time) for the last year. He’s always trying to maintain his United Premier Gold status. So he got wind of some super cheap flights to Rome and everything snowballed from there. Like I said, I’m a workaholic. Part of it is that I just like to work. The other driving force is that well, you know, I feel a lot of pressure (all self-imposed) like I am running out of time to demonstrate/achieve professional success. I know, my friends have told me that I am successful, and maybe in some masochistic way, I keep moving the target or changing the criteria. The bottom line is that I don’t feel like a success. I feel blessed and lucky, but not successful on my own accord. I mean, I’m not going to delve into it now, but it’s been a lifelong struggle that stems from my upbringing with my parents and my own mental state. But at some point, with John being so excited to travel, I did check myself. This life isn’t just about me. He’s on the journey with me, and I realized that I need to still nurture our relationship and water the flowers, bc I know that life is short.

Anyway, my point is, I acquiesced to an Italian vacation. I know, there was a ridiculous amount of arm-twisting and I’m not proud. But the trip was great. I mean, I think I’ve learned by now that any kind of European travel will never be restful. There is just too damn much to see, with all that history. Also, I’m a lazy-ass American, so all that walking really wore me out. We stayed in the same hotel the whole them to minimize fatigue (still didn’t work) and then planned a day trip to the Amalfi Coast. Beautiful, beautiful place but OMFG, the traffic and crowds are insane. Same deal with the Vatican. Supposedly, it is the world’s second most popular tourist destination (first is the Louvre), clocking in 35k visitors/day on average. In peak season? 55k people IN ONE DAY. I mean, it makes sense: everyone wants to hit up the key places, but goddamn, it just makes the experience kinda difficult, you know, like is the juice really worth the squeeze? I dunno: John and I are people of very low tolerance so…

Also, who the hell knew that I would get sick of pizza and pasta, like ever? I know, roll your eyes! I’m rolling them at myself. First world problems, SMH. I’m just sayin’.

Beyond the travel logistics, holy fuck: that Roman history and ingenuity is something else. How the hell were people back then so fricking smart? It seriously blows my mind. I mean, aqueduct systems, plumbing, construction, engineering… that shit is incredible. On the negative side, I suppose you can get a shit ton done with slave labor. Shrug.

Brenda the Bulldog

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Needless to say, I was pretty bummed out by the turn of events. And then I started stressing out, worrying about completing more transactions before my June office anniversary. When I get discouraged, I always lose some amount of time wallowing in self pity. And then I get sick of my complaining and climb out of that bullshit and try to reflect and think strategically… you know, like really think about what I’m doing wrong and where I can improve…

That’s where Bubbey’s worldclass emotional intelligence comes in. I mean, he always has pointers, but some are def more helpful than others. :). Thankfully, since he chaperoned me last Sunday, he witnessed my interactions and gave me feedback on how I could respond to people’s common excuses. Like if they say they are early in the process, I used to respect that and tell them, it’s helpful to be prepared early but whenever they’re ready, let’s talk. Instead, Bubbey says I need to give more push back: tell them a story about how I see a lot of people who think they are early on. But then they suddenly see something they really like and bc they aren’t prepared, they’re scrambling around trying to submit an offer. That strategy is fine for other markets, but not for this one, where properties go in 7-10 days. It’s never too early to get organized. There’s a lot involved– not only with getting a vetted preapproval, but also in organizing your proof of funds, drafting your letters to the seller, and just being focused and serious with your search. I can help, blah, blah.

I know, Bubbey’s got valid points, right? So this week, I busted out my script books again and I spent some time writing out more detailed responses to these scenarios. Luckily, last weekend’s list agent reached out and offered me the Sunday open house, saying the seller was reducing the price. I agreed.

While I was setting up a half hour before open time, a couple came early… argh, I hate when that happens but like I said, I never turn people away. They looked and then I practiced my new spiel. They said they were early, I explained it’s never too early to get organized, we talked for a while, and then at the end of ten minutes, I said, call me when you’re ready. I had been concentrating so hard on doing my talk and capturing their data (where they are looking, how long, specs, etc.) that I was all thrilled to get that far…  but then at the end, I didn’t make the ask for the appointment or the strong ask to work together. So John gave me those tips today. If the conversation is going well, make the ask again and maybe they’ll be more inclined since there was good rapport. He also said I should focus less on matching them with a lender to get preapproval and more on how I am going to help them save time and money with the homebuying process. See? He’s so damn good.

So the next couple that came in, Bubbey went out for an errand and I tried again. Did the whole dialog and really built rapport, but the lady was preggers and due this Wednesday. She did seem convinced that they needed to get serious about the process and that they’d work with me. I followed up afterwards via email and the hubby replied positively so… I took that as an improvement in my execution even if the baby is mucking up my timeline. 🙂

All in all, I got three solid leads today. All Stanford doctors (two hubby-wife physician couples!) and I talked with them for a good 10-15 minutes. I told stories and gave examples… it was really interesting bc afterwards, I realized that my conversations with visitors are very similar to all the shit I prepared when I was participating in ProMatch and training up for job interviews. I had to develop all these answers to questions– and the responses had to be concise yet illustrative to demonstrate my capabilities. It was such a weird epiphany but it made me really excited just seeing the common thred.

After the open house wrapped, I had a meeting with another lady whom I had met back in January at an open house in MV. You see, I recently discovered this new tool. For the longest while, I’d been following up with people via email and phone calls. My emails would get opened but no response. The calls rarely went through to a live person and if I left a message, no one ever called me back. Then, I was thinking so many people have an iPhone. What if I input either their number or email, and see if they have iMessage?

With my Chinese speaking leads, I was thinking that maybe my English emails and vm were a turn off. Or oftentimes, I wasn’t even able to leave a vm. So somehow I got this idea in my head that I could use iMessage to record an audio message and send it. Then I could see the delivery/read receipt. I started recording messages in Chinese but the problem with that was I had to record a new message every time. I needed something more cut/paste friendly. So then I transitioned into sending them text messages in English but I added a line in Chinese saying that I speak Mandarin. And coupled with the QPush tool, I was cranking those babies out. Then, I kicked things up yet another level.

When I send out my eblasts (2-3x/month), the software tracks the opens and clicks. The thing is, people always say they aren’t seriously looking or they aren’t interested and YET the tracking data shows that they are still CURIOUS about the market. I get a really good open rate for my monthly updates (stats on home sales and median prices)!! Same for my open house announcements. So now what I do is look at who has opened, and then within an hour or day or whatever, I send a text via iMessage that basically says, “Hey, thanks for reading my real estate emails. The market is moving fast. My buyers just got a house in XYZ. I can help you win too in this competitive market… let’s talk. Btw, I speak Mandarin (in Chinese characters).” And let me tell you: I am actually getting responses!?!?! Sometimes even from people whom I had previously been pinging via email for MONTHS! Sometimes they tell me they already bought. Other times they are not currently looking to buy but they admit they like the emails. And sometimes THEY AGREE TO MEET.

Yeah baby, Brenda the Bulldog is tenacious like a mother fucker. And this iMessage thing is useful, bc now I know these people are reading my stuff. And it’s a way to remind them of who I am so they get another imprint that VG is a realtor. And when they share tidbits, I get a sense for how warm the lead is and I update my database accordingly. See, I am made for keeping tabs on peeps!! You might as well call me Facebook or Cambridge Analytica, beotches! Just kidding. I do no evil. 🙂

But let’s be honest. Out of LOTS of texts, I only got like five responses. Still, two of those five ended up meeting with me in person. And I figure once I start texting people every time they read my emails, they will either unsubscribe from my email (which helps me shed the bloat anyway) or respond in some way to either meet me or get me off their back. That’s my latest strategy anyway, and I’m thrilled from the results this week. More innovations and work hacks to come. Stay tuned! Muhahahaha.

Hot N Cold

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Well it’s been another several weeks since my last posting… what can I say, my life is a fucking roller coaster. For some reason, the lyrics to Katy Perry’s Hot N Cold song come to mind:

‘Cause you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down
You’re wrong when it’s right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(You) You don’t really want to stay, no
(You) But you don’t really want to go-o
You’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down

Here’s the deal: I’m telling you. I encounter all kinds of people in my new line of work. This month, housing inventory went up significantly (spring is here!) so I returned to my bread and butter– open houses. Of course, it never gets easier. Every week, I run my search on Monday and start emailing about 50 agents one by one. I reach out to more people now bc fewer are saying yes. I know, there should be a more efficient way to automate this shit, but I have a template and then I manually update various fields within the text with the agent’s name, the property name. etc. Anyway, yeah, I reach out to a shit ton. Then, by midweek, I check the status on those properties and see if 1) the status has changed or 2) open house hours are posted. If they are still active and no hours are posted and I didn’t receive a reply, I text the agent. Yup,I look up their cell, add it to my phone contacts, and text message. Again, cut/paste replacing certain fields. I actually found an awesome tool recently called Qpush that’s a browser extension: I type my message in the browser on my laptop (I’m so much faster with a full-sized keyboard) and then the app “pushes” the paragraph to my phone into an app that easily lets me copy/paste. Not that you give a shit about these logistics, but I used to craft the message by thumb typing into the Notes app and copy/pasting into SMS. Too. slow. Anyway, Qpush– check it out. So back to the open house hustle: if I still don’t get a reply to my text by Thu/Friday, I call the agent. Eventually, I get someone who’s keen on my idea.

So last weekend, I hosted for a Menlo Park property for a husband-wife brokerage. MP is in San Mateo County (higher median home price) and I’ve only hosted a handful of properties there. My past open houses tended to be in the crummy parts, and my traffic/leads sucked. Not so this time! This spot was wedged between a busy Safeway shopping center and the Stanford Mall!

The list agent offered me Saturday. It was slow I think bc it was the last weekend before taxes. She was going to host the next day but then she didn’t feel like it, so I offered to host Sunday also. Like I’ve said before, I always try to co-host with a lender. Mostly for safety reasons (Dad STILL calls me to tell me not to leave the house at night and to carry my mace everywhere), but also bc I view it as a good opportunity to build lender relationships. If they get leads from me or my events, it’s a good thing for all of us, right? Unfortunately, my main lender has only gotten 2-3 loans from all my open house leads since we started collaborating last August. I’m telling you, this numbers game is a beotch. Anyhow, since Sunday was last minute, I didn’t line up a co-host and I had to ask Bubbey. He doesn’t like to be a fly on the wall at these things, but he’ll do it. And lemme tell you: thank goodness he did. Bc a weird, frazzled looking guy came upstairs. He just had a strange look– bug eyes and crazy hair– and he didn’t take off his shoes like the sign instructs at the door. And then he rambled on and on telling me the stoop was dirty and I should be better about making the home presentable. Mind you, it was super windy and so yes, there was some leaf debris on the stoop. So this was like his Good Samaritan tip and then, oh btw, he’s a successful equities trader and serial startup entrepreneur AND he’s also trying out for the Warriors NBA team… Mind you, he hasn’t practiced bball in six months… blah, blah. I asked a few more questions, only bc I was certain there was some real estate point to all of this. Nope, he was just random. And later, Bubbey said I need to be more careful about engaging with crazies. So here’s the deal: he was harmless but I am so relieved I was NOT alone. The house is on a super busy street so to make it more appealing to visitors, I keep the windows shut so it’s quiet. But that also means, no one would necessarily know if I needed help…

Last weekend was slow but I was thrilled at the time to pick up two leads. One elder lady came by. Honestly, she looked like an old Asian grandma– you know, weathered, small, and carrying tons of shit in plastic bags. She was actually a Filipino lady and she was timid, but before she headed out, she told me she had multiple properties to sell. I booked an appointment for the following week right then and there!  My first actual booking done at an open house! Yeehaw. We made an appointment for Friday. I was so excited.

So first thing on Monday, I call her to ask for the addresses: I want to do my homework so I can prepare for our meeting. She starts reading off the addresses, but it was hard to hear her with all the background noise on her end. I told her to email me the list. I texted her my email. A few hours later, she calls to say she doesn’t have email and she’ll drop off the list at my office. Huh? No email??? Next thing you know, she comes to the office and she says she took the bus. Huh? Homegirl supposedly owns FIVE properties in Silicon Valley and she’s taking the bus? So she shows up and I’m telling you, she is carrying so much stuff, including a 10-inch stack of papers in a plastic bag, plus two fleece jackets. My instincts are telling me this woman is impoverished. Her hands are super cracked and dry. What is going on???

We sit down to go over her list. She furnishes a bunch of deeds plus paperwork for a divorce, a bankruptcy, and a death. I look up the properties one by one on the computer. Her name is on NONE of them… As I probe with questions, I uncover a very complicated web involving her deceased father, her siblings, her ex, her ex’s family… nothing is adding up. I ask to scan all the files, so I can review them more closely and also I’m thinking I can provide her with e-copies so she doesn’t have to lug that shit around. She says she has no access to a computer.

I tell her I need some time to review the docs and then we can go from there. She tells me she has to go to work after our meeting. She works at Safeway. I offer her a ride. I also offer her a fabric bag so the plastic doesn’t eat into her fingers. I offer her water, ask if she needs to use the bathroom. No to everything. She says she’s fine. I walked her out and then I just sat there in disbelief. That’s the thing with this business. One minute, someone tells me they have a $1.5M budget. The next day, the budget is $150-200k. This lady? One day she has five properties to sell; the next day, there’s no proof that any of them belong to her. After she left, I felt awful. Why didn’t she just let me give her a ride? She looks like someone who’s endured. I really wonder about her story.

After combing through every page, I consulted my mentor. Yeah, she needs an attorney. Then I got a call from the lender whom she also contacted. The lender said she wanted her to share account info for her deceased father. But no docs show power of attorney or designation as administrator… In other words, she has no proof of decision making authority. The lender tells me this doesn’t make sense.

So I call the lady back and her phone goes straight to voicemail. I tell her I need proof– like a power of attorney or document showing she’s the trustee for her father’s estate. Then Thursday arrives and still no word. I call again and leave a message saying we can’t proceed until I get those docs. For now, let’s cancel Friday’s meeting. No confirmation from her.

Finally, on Friday morning, I’m like: what if she shows up– taking the bus and lugging all that shit? I go to the office just in case she turns up. Our meeting was at 11. I go there and then at 11:45, she calls and says she is walking up and down the street, and she can’t find my office. What??? Clearly, she didn’t get the voice message and also, what does she mean she can’t find my office? She was just there a few days ago! OMG, what is happening?

I meet with her again and explain the same things. She says she doesn’t have a lawyer. So I look up area legal aid groups and some resources for her. The story just is so bizarre. I wanted so much to help her but it was beyond my scope. I asked to see her phone, bc I was curious why she hadn’t gotten my vms or texts. It’s a shitty Trackfone and she never has it on! In fact, she still hadn’t listened to my message or read my texts. I mean, how will I do business with someone without email and without a phone?

Off she went again. I really pushed to let me give her a ride, but she refused multiple times. Was it pride, shame, or the habit of being a loner? I dunno. I really wonder about her situation. It sounds like her ex screwed her over and there was a lot of deception and manipulation. But I dunno. At the same time, her claim that all the deeds are fictitious or false also seems unlikely. I asked if she had a good relationship with her siblings or anyone on his side or her side of the family. I felt like I was missing something and maybe one of them could provide some clarity. But she said she didn’t have good relations with any of them. She thanked me and said she would find me again after all the stuff got cleared up. I sure hope one of those legal aid groups can take on something this complicated. The whole thing was mentally exhausting. I mean, not only bc of the roller coaster for me workwise, but more bc I just don’t know if anyone will/can help her. That poor lady. Life really is unfair.

That same open house weekend, I was packing everything up to shut down. And as usual, a couple came wanting to check out the house. Ok, fine. The lights are all off and all my shit is packed but I never turn down a possible lead. It’s a Russian couple with a baby. We chat and then I ask about their search. They basically say they aren’t working with anyone and would love to work with me. I offer to set an appointment and they say they need to check their schedule. So the hubby gives me the wife’s number. I call it so she has my number on her phone. I tell them I’ll follow up to set a date/time. That was Saturday. On Monday, I call the number and it’s another one of those bullshit “vm is not set up” things, which I’m beginning to think is some indication they have blocked my number and that’s what I get on my end when I call. Still, I naively send a text message. It shows it delivers and that she reads it. No reply. I send a few more texts with dates. No reply. Now I’m pissed. WTF? You said you wanted to work together. Why bother if you don’t intend to follow through? So I do research and find the hubby’s name and contact. Same deal: call the number, send a text. Same shit. And just like that, two great leads come to an abrupt end.

Sickness Prone

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Oh shit, I forgot to tell you that the household had a recent bout with norovirus. Well, I don’t know if that’s a medically accurate statement, but let’s just say, last month, Bubbey had many days of upset tummy and sick poopies. Yes, that’s the technical term. This went on for days and then he flew back East to do his mom’s taxes. I went about my merry way until a day later, I got the runs! I mean, I had multiple delicious meals in a row– and no one at work seemed to suffer any negative impact. But goddammit, I had to cancel an open house and then I was holed up in bed for 2-3 days. At the time, I had Buster over too, and the dogs were like WTF is happening? This person is the lamest, laziest person ever!!! And of course, as my track record would attest, every damn time I felt a little bit better, I would push it too far and fall back into a nauseous mess. This went on for like an entire week. I’m telling you. My dad was calling on the daily trying to get a medical update, like fever stats, stool description, meds, everything. Jesus, dad. I’m gonna just ride it out. I’m not taking fucking notes for you on this.

Eventually, it seems my Achilles heel was my impatience (big surprise). I mean, as soon as I felt any tiny bit of normalcy, I went back to eating shit: dairy, cheese, spicy… yeah, I didn’t follow the BRAT diet. at all. I mean, in my defense, some sites did say the BRAT was too strict, but yes, I agree. Surely, that didn’t mean I should eat a bag of potato chips and down it with ice cream and soda. What can I say, it was many moments of weakness, and I was famished. Desperate times, desperate measures.

Around the same time, when I checked in with Bubs in Maryland, his mom ALSO got nauseous and sick! Was it something about Bubbey and his food prep/handling methods? I don’t want to be accusatory bc after all, he is literally the hand that cooks all my meals and feeds me, but…. I’m just saying. I suppose anecdotally, something did seem to be going around nationwide, no?

I’m just glad that the worst is over. I’ve been food-poisoning free for the last week, and life is good. Now if only I could be well the majority of my days in 2018, that would be freaking fabulous. Is that really so much to fucking ask?

Btw, dealio updates. I’m replacing those wonky JLab bluetooth earbuds with the Apple Airpods. John kept telling me Apple shit doesn’t go on sale and the pricing is all the same everywhere, so I bought them from the Apple store. Then what happens? A few days later, I’m scrolling through my Slickdeals phone app (yes, they have one!) and whadya know? $20 cheaper through Costco. Fucker! I’m telling you, can’t trust anything that boy says, esp when it comes to pricing. Thanks to my credit card extended warranty, I’m going to get reimbursed for the broken earbuds, so I’ll be getting these babies for a discount. I really didn’t think the wired earbuds would bother me much, but turns out, that shit does get tangled A LOT, esp when I’m fumbling with them in the car. And considering how often I am now on the phone, I’m going to give this new technology a try and see if it changes my life.

In other news, now that I am out of the sickness woods, I am turning my attention back to personal care. My skin has been doing great lately. I trimmed back the k-beauty regimen and I’m really trying to get more sleep… so far, so good. That said, I was disappointed to realize I still have a ways to go in terms of being more polished and presentable in public. Turns out, I am guilty of nearly ALL the “mistakes” that make a person look messy. Sure, I have decent self awareness, so I had a hunch it was bad. Just didn’t realize it was like 17/20 bad. Sigh. Work in progress.

Spring Recap

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Holy shit, it’s been another several weeks since my last post. Honestly, who can keep up with time? He’s such a fleeting bitch!! So let’s see, quick recap: My deal closed last month and for two weeks I tried to schedule a meetup with my people. You know, after the transaction, you have to do the push– asking for referrals and recommendations. Apparently, that’s the cycle, according to the trainers/coaches. As it turned out, every damn time I called/texted, my family was too busy. So fine, one day I just pulled the “pop over” technique. I texted that I was in the area (which was true) and I would be by in ten minutes. Done.

I showed up and thankfully they were all home, including one of the sons who barely even acknowledged my presence. I mean, I get being intense about your work (hello UTI!). I get being in the zone, but Jesus, I walked into the kitchen where he was reading something on his laptop at the kitchen island, and he barely lifted his eyes to say hello. No, no, please. Don’t bother to get up out of your seat either! SMH.

Thankfully, I get along great with the mom, and she and the hubby showed me some of the progress around the house. I gave them the gifts with some explanation (I did a combo of items), and the mom commented on my thoughtfulness (yay!). Then at the very end, I went in awkwardly for the ask (mind you, all of this is in Chinese, so I’m not as eloquent as I am normally… haha!). She and the hubby just stood there and stared at me all confused, like, “What is a recommendation letter?” Who is it for and what do we write? Yeah, so to make the odd situation even more uncomfortable, I had to explain how it’s a document where they share their experience working with me and then I use it to show other people who are considering working with me.

I mean, I should have anticipated all this: I had mentioned the rec letter to my dad a few weeks earlier, saying I was going to be making the ask to my clients and he was super quiet about it. Is it a cultural thing? That’s what’s kinda frustrating about my parents being immigrants. I mean, it’s like, I have all the disadvantages of them being culturally illterate about assimilating into American culture and life yet, at the same time, they are totally NOT helpful for Chinese stuff bc they have been out of THAT culture for so long too, you know? So they’re basically useless in the career advancement arena. Anyway, as I’m explaining to my clients, they’re pretty much like, “We don’t know what to say or how these things are written…” Yes, beforehand, I had thought about providing a sample, but I couldn’t find any on the Chinese agents’ websites. Argh. So in the end, my clients just said, “You write what you want and we’ll sign off.” Yup, seriously. Getting compliments is like pulling teeth. So Chinese, right?

In their defense, I suppose the stress of writing a review/rec is not totally unheard of… Some agents in my office say they have staff reach out to clients and provide a bulleted list of things to mention in their testimonial… I dunno. The whole thing is just bizarro. And then I left. Shrug.

In other news, Bentley is fully recovered now post-surgery. I mean, I’m totally clueless about medical shit. I read all the pre- and post-op instructions but honestly, I’ve already forgotten what exactly the neutering entails. Was it a vasectomy? Was it the removal of his testes? All I know is that he came home, and I was totally surprised and disappointed to see his sack still in tact. There was a 1-inch incision at the base of his shaft. Sorry, I don’t want to use too many terms that might suggest via search terms that my post is pornographic in nature… Initially, it appeared to be healing great, scabbing over and all. Then, just as I thought we were out of the woods, it started oozing and looking gross. I tried to put neosporin on the incision, and he went bonkers again. Thankfully, it all just healed over time by itself. I asked Nathalie about the situation… I mean, I was totally expecting him to be eunuch. She said with full blown adult males, there might be some shrinkage but pretty much, that’s just part of the deal. If dogs are neutered much younger, things shrivel up and go away. Not in my case. Ugh. So I mean, it’s not the end of the word, but clearly, I’m a bit immature and squeamish about the dangling bits. I can’t help it: that shit is obnoxious and unsightly, esp for a 70-lb dog. And when I brush him with the slicker brush, I always have to be careful not to prick him. Oh well, I suppose I should just be happy the job is done and he’s healed.

His personality is also starting to shine more. He’s becoming more confident. I’m not sure if it’s the operation or him just passing the 3-month milestone with us. Thankfully, he is hiding a lot less and everybody is getting along. Buster was over for a few days last week. This week, Carla is here. I do love having our very own pooch again.

Culprit

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I’m telling you, my father is something else. He calls me this morning at 9 AM. I miss the call bc I’m in the bathroom. When I call him back, he asks, “Have you woken up, yet?” Yes, I am awake. Meanwhile, he is Facetiming me and I’m seeing the inside of his fucking ear canal. Jesus Christ. He’s at his computer and there’s some audio blaring through the speakers, saying that his computer has been compromised and he has to call whatever number to get it fixed right away. Sound familiar?

I mean, no matter how much warning and training, this shit just keeps happening. He already called the number before calling me bc he couldn’t get ahold of me, Thankfully, the number had already been disconnected. So then I have him force a shut down and restart. He was trying to access his online accounts… Then a bunch of questions about whether his computer is infected. I don’t know! I’m not a computer security expert who just has all the latest answers to any tech question whatsoever!!! He restarts and everything appears fine. I run a quick scan. I don’t know if your computer is safe. I have to research this. Meanwhile, I have my new car being delivered in an hour.

He’s all antsy about logging into his stock accounts, bc he had plans for trading today. I mean, I dunno what to tell you. I have to look into it and then you are proceeding at your own risk. Otherwise, go to Best Buy and ask Geek Squad. We hang up and I research further. I’m trying to get a picture of the error so he can show the tech support people. How many times have I told him to take a picture of the error or message or alert using his phone?!?! It’s like he’s a newb every. single. time. After I tinker around for a few minutes, it seems that the error is just a pop-up ad so he is not infected. I call him back to report this, and then he asks if maybe I’m the source of the virus. He says I get so many emails now for my work and since I use remote access to troubleshoot his computer, maybe I gave it to him. Um, are you fucking kidding me? I’m kinda insulted AND pissed. I’m not clicking all over the web on stupid forwarded emails from his alumni list or sketchy natural news sites from my brother or junk financial scam products… I generally know how to keep my computer clean and now you’re thinking I’m the culprit? Puhlease. I was so annoyed. I mean, how many times has he asked me to view some sketchy “health” site promoting a miracle drug that cures everything under the sun? What about having me research his bullshit Suze Orman products or Jim Cramer crap. Meanwhile, his friend has also been turning him on to free Chinese movie sites. Who knows if that shit is legit or not. Ugh.

That’s the thing with the internet. It’s a wonderful tool. People can access so much damn information from it. The opportunity for learning is tremendous. But shit, scammers are getting smarter and smarter. You really do have to be careful and more savvy about identifying and avoiding sketchy sites.