A few years ago, I remember it was early March– March 8 to be exact– and I had wanted to go out to lunch with some of my female coworkers to celebrate International Women’s Day. Most of my closest friends know that I self-identify as a feminist, as I believe in social, political, and economic equality for all, but I remember that one of my colleagues replied to my invite with, “I don’t get feminism. I mean, I don’t really see that it’s relevant at all in this day and age.” I tried to remain calm, but man, that comment just irked the shit out of me. Really? You really think women have the same access, opportunity, and respect as men? Puhlease. Wake the hell up. Women still have a super long way to go: unequal pay for the same work. Little/no female (not to mention minority) representation in the higher echelons of corporate America. Women politicians like Hillary Clinton are still repeatedly having to field questions about what they are wearing (whereas male politicians can stick straight to business). Women continue to be bullied/harassed in the tech “brogrammer” culture. Viagra has always been covered by insurance but birth control? Super controversial and only recently recognized as basic, preventative healthcare thanks to Obamacare. Uh, lame, insulting, inadequate punishment for rape. Persistent “rape culture” and sexual violence epidemic on college campuses. The list goes on…

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about this unrelenting and pervasive violence against women. And I’m not just talking about the egregious, nearly incredulous brutalities in far away places like war-torn areas of Africa where rape is systematically used as a tactic in war, or in India where women are raped/killed on public buses or raped/hung going to the bathroom in the middle of the night… No. Violence against women is happening everywhere, in every country, even in our own communities. For example, in nearby San Leandro, the police were recently busted for participating in a human trafficking, drug, and prostitution ring. Last summer, SF-based RadiumOne’s CEO was caught ON VIDEO beating his girlfriend more than 117 times for 30 minutes straight. He never apologized and in fact, he even tried to justify his rage, going on Twitter to explain that “she had unprotected sex with people for money.” Who the fuck does he think he is? He’s professionally successful, so he’s entitled to beat someone to a bloody pulp because she “provoked” him? For reasons unknown, she eventually refused to testify against him, and the damning video was thrown out on a legal technicality. I don’t want to judge why women stay with their abusers or why they back out of testifying or pressing charges, but shit, something is just so abhorrently wrong with the system when a guy is recorded on video beating the shit out of someone, and he gets ZERO jail time. Why are we not absolutely outraged by this?? He lost his job. Boo, hoo. He still retains tons of stock in the company, and more importantly, the guy is walking free, still unapologetic, still cocky as hell, and still carrying some form of professional/societal legitimacy. WTF?

Then this whole Ray Rice deal. Wow, if he knocks her out in a public setting, I don’t even want to know what happens behind closed doors when all the filters are off. Ugh. I’ve read countless articles on the Ray-Janay situation. There’s so much blame on her for not leaving him. Shit, as if she deserves to be beaten because this is the path she has chosen. If only spousal violence were that cut and dry, that fucking black and white. Anyway, I thought this article was especially sobering. Violence against women builds in environments and cultures where women are disrespected and where there is a desensitization to violence. Don’t even get me started on the modern-day gladiator sport of football. Can we really be surprised that these gigantic men who are trained day in and day out to ram their bodies into one another cannot control how they wield their force off the field? Sure, I want to believe in gentle giants, in big teddy bears. But training and habits are powerful influencers. After all, how does the military get ordinary humans to do the dirty work that they do? Training, desensitization, and psychological manipulation. As for the random tech CEO or whatever? I dunno. Can we maybe point to violence against women in gaming or sexism in the brogrammer culture? I want to know what ever happened to this Russian telecom millionaire. Last I heard, he was on the run after beating the shit out of his girlfriend. Seriously, the pictures are straight out of an alien movie. Makes me so f-ing sick to my stomach.