If you know ANYthing about me, it is that I LOVE the old school musicals… specifically Les Mis, Miss Saigon, and Cabaret. Those are my staple productions. I can listen to them anywhere, anytime, and the tears will just come on like a fucking tsunami. So the other day, we were in the car and Bubs put on Miss Saigon and the Bui Doi song came on. The one about the children of GIs and Vietnamese women. There is a line there that describes the kids as “conceived in hell and born in strife.” I mean, let’s be real: I had an extremely privileged upbringing. Still, something about that line just resonates.
Obviously, I’ve taken a very long hiatus from blogging… possibly the LONGEST break since I started the blog in 2003. I’m not proud of the absence but well, COVID (the same excuse everyone else is using these days). Plus, my family has to win awards for its level of drama. That’s right: drama amplified.
To recap: My father had flown from California to Taiwan over a year ago in June/July 2020 and then he got stuck there. What did that mean for me? 24/7 INTERNATIONAL personal assistant. Calls at all hours. All his US mail? Forwarded to me. Along with that of my grandparents’, brother’s, and mother’s. Yes, a SHIT TON of mail. Meanwhile, none of their accounts had set me as an additional accountholder, so then I had to do all the account management having zero written authority. Then, you have NO idea how fucking painful it is to even sync with my family in Taiwan. Not only is the time difference 15 hours, they won’t spend a cent to call internationally, so then we can only connect via Line, Skype, or Facetime and on top of that, they either don’t have reliable wifi or where they do have it, they have THE cheapest fucking option which results in choppy quality and non-existent video. To make matters worse, they actually don’t understand the difference between video and audio calls, so half the time, I’m staring into my father’s ear canal. Seriously. God forbid, they shell out $20/month for legit broadband service as a BASIC NECESSITY. That’s the thing. All these responsibilities get thrown to me and then I have shit tools to work with and my parents’ tech skills is a -100 on a 10-point scale. So many hours of my life gone, bc we did not have systems in place. Anyway, after more than a year of dealing with this bullshit. I somehow managed to get the legal docs updated. I will spare you the agonizing details; just know that my fuse of ZERO was blown every goddamn time.
So now, improved systems are in place– things still aren’t 100% the way I would run them but good enough until the next volcanic eruption. And I’m cranking through the list: closing accounts, adding my name, paying bills, setting up zoom meetings, paying taxes, scanning their mail, doing international shipments… I’m a freaking 24/7 UPS store and more!
In June of this year, dad came back Stateside after more than a year away. I hooked him up with the vaccine (Taiwan has limited supply), and then headed to Maryland in early July to begin the preparations for putting my childhood home up for sale. Over 5,000 sqft of house stuffed with three generations’ worth of junk from a family of hoarders. They had such old bedding/sheets that I had to buy my own flannel set a couple years back so I could sleep on cotton fabric that wasn’t ripped/threadbare. My first night in the bed this time around, I discovered three acorns. I thought I was going mad. WTF. Maybe I had picked these up last time I was in town and fell asleep while fidgeting with them in the bed??? I was gaslighting myself. It was a total mystery, bc I found no other evidence of rodents in the bed. But the next night, I was sitting on the couch watching tv and behind the throw pillow was a pile of rice. And some mouse poop. Problem solved. I mean, the house was vacant for over a year in a place that has all four seasons… so guess I shouldn’t be that surprised.
Needless to say, the to-do list for my parents is neverending. It really is. I will be actively working on two items with my dad hovering right there and then he’ll introduce a third and a fourth as if I weren’t working efficiently enough… Ugh, it’s super annoying and frustrating and results in snippy Vicky. Consequently, my parents describe my help as “service without a smile.” I mean look, on one hand, no fucking apologies. You get what you get. It’s like that Hotwire rental car deal my friend G always signs up for. She signs up for a killer deal, and it’s a grab bag as to what car she gets at the counter. In other words, you get an awesome rate bc they pick the car for you. Well, my parents fucking hit the jackpot with me: I am a goddamn workhorse. I have a HUGE capacity to figure things out and to get shit done but don’t expect Nordstorm customer service ok? Which leads me to Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I first heard of this condition a few years back when a neighbor with two kids was bitching about her youngest son. She said he had unexplained rage issues and was diagnosed with ODD. Honestly, his defiance sounded intriguing and then as she described it further, a light bulb went off. That’s all that was needed for Bubs to diagnose me. I mean, if this ODD is real, I feel a lot of parallels. Maybe it’s helpful to put a label on things? I dunno but a part of me also thinks ANYONE would have ODD given my same exact circumstances.
Bottom line? I’m fucking exhausted. I have a LIFETIME of examples but let me just share the latest argument with dad. So as you know, he’s currently here with us in Cali. He’s eager to get back to Taiwan bc my mother is calling on the daily, barking orders and slinging her accusations of infidelity. So he wants me to compare flights using his points, using his voucher, plus one way vs round trip or whatever. Um, it’s one way bc we don’t know when you’ll be back, esp with COVID.
Oh but if I do round trip, it’s a better deal and I’ll use fewer points.
No! I’m booking it one way with points and this is what I’m booking. Back the hell up! I don’t need you micromanaging my ass and overcomplicating EVERY dayum detail.
After we get over that hurdle, there are a shit ton more details about international entry/exit and quarantine requirements, thanks to COVID and the delta. The good news is I have attention to detail so I’m reading everything and figuring it all out. I figure out what test to get, where, when, how much, where to send in the docs, yadda, yadda. I create online accounts, upload his insurance files, register a slot, and get it all done. Test date set for X date.
After it’s all done and sorted, dad’s reading shit on his computer (but very limited bc he doesn’t do online research for more than five minutes). He calls my cousin in Taiwan and asks her to call the airport or whatever. At issue is WHEN to take the test so it’s acceptable for Taiwan when he arrives at the airport. I tell him I know how to fucking read, and it’s handled. He insists the test date is TOO early and my cousin’s friend of a friend says the results have to be three days prior to arrival date. Back and forth. Hello: I’ve read the info from United Airlines specific to this ticket. The results have to be issued no longer than 3 working days from date of departure. ARGHHHHHHH!!! Bc of his fucking neuroses, I have to spend another two hours calling, researching, reading, being on hold, etc. That information is wrong. He’s not convinced. So then he wants me to schedule a same day test which is only at SFO. But that’s cutting it too close, so maybe I can drive him to SFO the day before to do a test? I’m telling you. Now this item that took 30 min to decipher has ballooned to my entire afternoon. This is just ONE example. Every other to-do item turns out like this. Welcome to my life. Same with figuring out shipping international freight, international regular shipment, domestic shipment, forwarding addresses, updating addresses, paying vendors, shredding medical records/financial papers, etc. FML. Meanwhile, my brother has learned that I figured out how to ship items internationally and he asks me to buy him 3 bags of some body detoxification product from Canada to receive in the US and forward to him in Taiwan bc the company doesn’t ship to Asia. Nope, I may be my parents’ UPS store but I sure as hell am not his!
Want some good news? The Maryland house is emptied. Two full days, a crew of five sorters/packers, and a team of movers. Fucking amazing. Repairs have commenced and we’re targeting on market before the end of August. The handful of saved items got shipped here and arrived. Items sent to Taiwan also arrived and passed customs (another ordeal). Dad got his negative test results yesterday. That caused another frenzy about timing, so I took screen shots, printed out/highlighted the instructions, and just reiterated that I followed everything stated by United. If he arrives in Taiwan and they reject the test, he can just take it again there. I’m done. Let’s not beat this dead horse one more fricking time please.
Hurrah beotches, the blog is back!