I’m telling you, my father is something else. He calls me this morning at 9 AM. I miss the call bc I’m in the bathroom. When I call him back, he asks, “Have you woken up, yet?” Yes, I am awake. Meanwhile, he is Facetiming me and I’m seeing the inside of his fucking ear canal. Jesus Christ. He’s at his computer and there’s some audio blaring through the speakers, saying that his computer has been compromised and he has to call whatever number to get it fixed right away. Sound familiar?

I mean, no matter how much warning and training, this shit just keeps happening. He already called the number before calling me bc he couldn’t get ahold of me, Thankfully, the number had already been disconnected. So then I have him force a shut down and restart. He was trying to access his online accounts… Then a bunch of questions about whether his computer is infected. I don’t know! I’m not a computer security expert who just has all the latest answers to any tech question whatsoever!!! He restarts and everything appears fine. I run a quick scan. I don’t know if your computer is safe. I have to research this. Meanwhile, I have my new car being delivered in an hour.

He’s all antsy about logging into his stock accounts, bc he had plans for trading today. I mean, I dunno what to tell you. I have to look into it and then you are proceeding at your own risk. Otherwise, go to Best Buy and ask Geek Squad. We hang up and I research further. I’m trying to get a picture of the error so he can show the tech support people. How many times have I told him to take a picture of the error or message or alert using his phone?!?! It’s like he’s a newb every. single. time. After I tinker around for a few minutes, it seems that the error is just a pop-up ad so he is not infected. I call him back to report this, and then he asks if maybe I’m the source of the virus. He says I get so many emails now for my work and since I use remote access to troubleshoot his computer, maybe I gave it to him. Um, are you fucking kidding me? I’m kinda insulted AND pissed. I’m not clicking all over the web on stupid forwarded emails from his alumni list or sketchy natural news sites from my brother or junk financial scam products… I generally know how to keep my computer clean and now you’re thinking I’m the culprit? Puhlease. I was so annoyed. I mean, how many times has he asked me to view some sketchy “health” site promoting a miracle drug that cures everything under the sun? What about having me research his bullshit Suze Orman products or Jim Cramer crap. Meanwhile, his friend has also been turning him on to free Chinese movie sites. Who knows if that shit is legit or not. Ugh.

That’s the thing with the internet. It’s a wonderful tool. People can access so much damn information from it. The opportunity for learning is tremendous. But shit, scammers are getting smarter and smarter. You really do have to be careful and more savvy about identifying and avoiding sketchy sites.