My skin is kinda all over the place these days. Cysts, peeling, dryness, enlarged pores…. and I’ve been getting sucked into a bunch of different products. It really is the endless search for the magic potion. Among the new products, I recently turned to snail cream, a Korean import. Yes, the Korean women are famous for their gabillion-step skincare routine. I happen to think more than anything it is the climate up north… they don’t have to suffer through the heat and humidity that women do in Taiwan. I mean, sure I’m living in the temperate climate of Northern California, so I dunno what my excuse is for shit skin. No sleep and mental stress I suppose. So anyway I finally decided to give snail cream a try. I had been holding off bc well, that shit is made from the mucin of snails. That just seemed so inhumane and gratuitous, you know? I mean, I suppose every time I consume meat, I am playing god and positioning myself above other creatures, not to mention pulling the power card. I certainly feel more akin to warm-blooded mammals than I do to mollusks but I dunno there was just something disturbing about the thought of snail farms where swaths of snails were exposed to stress so they can produce the mucous that then gets harvested for my skin cream. It always reminds of me of that movie with Charlize Theron and Kristin Stewart. Charlize plays the evil queen who, in order to maintain her beauty has to consume the hearts of young princesses. For some reason, my snail cream makes me feel like the queen.

But shit man my skin needs major help. So the poor snails. Supposedly they are raised specifically for this purpose. And they aren’tkilled, they just feel like they are going to die. Ah, the things we tell ourselves to rationalize our behavior. What can I say. I’m a vain beotch and I only got a few more years left to have non-crepey skin. Sorry snails. My time is now.

Meanwhile what’s the verdict on this blood sauce? I’m not sure it helps with my acne. It does seem to help the non t-zone areas of my face. But my nose and chin are still problematic. So maybe my stint is short lived. Onto the next torture cream!