I was lamenting to my friend M the other day that being in startup mode makes me hyper sensitive to inconvenience. Like I’m so much in the zone, that I just don’t want to be bothered with anything. Examples? A trip to Europe with Bubbey. Or maintaining my side shave. Or going away for the weekend. Or eating lunch. Or continuing that skateboarding class. Or cooking at home. Or getting a dog, even. I just want to focus on building my biz.

And something about that feels so weird. I mean, not so much the vacation or hairstyle or that stuff: I’ve always been reluctant to take time off and leave work… but definitely something seems amiss with the dog thing. I mean, I love dogs so damn much. They have been such a huge part of my life, and to think that I don’t want to experience that relationship and that joy simply bc I don’t want to be distracted feels really narrow-minded. It bugs me too that already we have talked about getting a dog first around my bday in June and then that got postponed to August and now we’re talking about pushing it off again…

I really want to understand why this was happening. Sure, I’m very serious about my business. But seeing as I have been Rovering since Marty died, obviously, I can handle dog care AND the biz concurrently. Then, I was thinking about this mild fear that the new dog won’t live up to my expectations. I mean, after all, I am my parents’ daughter, so the comparison game is all up in my blood. Is that fair to the new doggie that s/he be compared to Remy and Martin, my angels on Earth? And then of course, there are the logistics. I mean, caring for an animal is a big commitment for another 10-15 years and with the overseas relatives and elderfolks and what have you, it can get complicated. Nothing we haven’t juggled before, but like I said, I’m super sensitive about my lifestyle right now.

M said maybe this all just means I need to give myself more time. I’ll do it when I’m ready. But I’m really bothered by my aversion to inconvenience. It’s such a shitty attitude! Some things are worth the bother! For example, I’ve always complained about going home for Christmas and/or blowing my PTO visiting family in Taiwan… It’s always SO much trouble, traveling during the holidays and shuttling around from place to place. But in retrospect, what I’ve realized this year is that if I had given in to my feelings of annoyance and dread, I would have missed some very important final moments with people we love. I did those things prompted by obligation and by compromise but ultimately, it was the right decision. And I feel like getting a dog might be a similar vein.

The point is, as much as I value independence and freedom to do whatever the fuck I want, I’m also a firm believer that there is value in the struggle. Discomfort = growth. Plus, you know the Chinese LOVE the concept of “eating bitter.” The more sacrifice, the sweeter the reward. Ha!

Long story short, I started looking at the puppy porn again this evening. I got Remy when she was six months and Marty we got when he was like 2 y/o. I always thought the next dog would still be an adult. But then I started perusing Copper’s Dream. OMFG. I mean, look at these faces. Already I have like three or four PUPPIES on my short list. Look how beautiful Rhea is!! Great Dane/Pointer. She’s gonna be biggins. Or maybe we’ll do the foster-to-adopt route with Zoey 2. Shit man, it’s like midnight and now I have a major case of puppy fever!!!

Practically speaking, we do have a lot of travel coming up: Wilmington this month, then Seattle/Vancouver and Austin in September, then Taiwan (maybe Seoul enroute) in November… I’m running out of time with my Companion Pass and I want to hit up Portland again, maybe Idaho, Chicago, and Wisconsin… Eek. And work: I gotta get more deals!! Argh. We’ll just have to juggle and make it all fit somehow. Sometimes, the juice is worth the squeeze.