Last week, my parents were scheduled to return Stateside after spending another month in Asia. Two days before their flight, my father called to let me know that mom had decided to stay behind with my brother. You always hear those stories about how children come between couples… my family certainly has a long history where we were split along personality/philosophical lines. My father and I, despite our rifts, are for the most part, more similar. Likewise, my mother jives better with my brother. In her case, I think a lot rides on him being the first born… but whatever, she thinks there’s some special connection. At first, on hearing the news, I was annoyed and frustrated. I mean, the whole time they’d been overseas, I was eager to have them back in the States so mom could get the mental care she needs. She was supposed to go in for another MRI to assess the rate of progression of her condition. Already, she had stopped taking her western meds in favor of that deer placenta shit my brother is selling… I was fine with a month-long delay on treatment, but that was bc I fully expected her to get on a program come March.

Well, that’s not going to happen. A lot of friends have expressed skepticism about the deer placenta stuff. Yeah, you and me both. That said, I do know people who swear by what I would consider to be similar supplement-type products: Herbalife, Juiceroo, JuicePlus, etc. I personally know people who have taken such things and seen improvement in their physical ailments… So maybe some stuff is legit; still, I want measurements/tests to gauge any changes.

Speaking with mom on the phone, she sounded in good spirits. My father and relatives say she does appear more interactive and happier in Taiwan. J takes her to all sorts of his religious group activities… Remember how I had done all this internet research on meditation and yoga exercises to slow dementia? She used like NONE of it. But J will take her to some group exercise class (run by his cult people) and she’ll go. And then they’ll attend meditation activities together. I mean, on one hand, I get it. Stuff in person is always better than stuff online. And activities are always more compelling with a buddy. Fine. But now, she’s decided to stay back. My father says he’ll fly back to Taiwan to accompany her back in April. Um ok, but meanwhile, we lose another month of mental exams and treatment. I urged dad to have her visit the doctor in Taiwan. He says no one is available to take her. Granted, doctor appointments in Taiwan take ALL FUCKING DAY, as I detailed when I took my grandfather in two years ago. But partly, it takes all damn day only bc my family refuses to get the queue number, go home, and come back, for fear of missing their place in line. Regardless, I told dad to tell Johnny to take her.

Dad: Oh, he’s busy and has work.
Me: Um, it’s ONE fucking day.
Dad: Yeah, but it takes so long.
Me: Um, it’s ONE day. If he has the time to take her to all these religious activities, he has the time to take her to the damn doctor.
Dad: Yeah, but I don’t have confidence in him.
Me: Yeah well, that’s a different issue. You still need to make the ask.

I wonder how her choice impacts the marriage. Then again, my dad has always blamed us kids for all their fighting. Not my problem they have a very antagonistic and finger-pointing way of handling conflict. Not my problem they also have very different stances on parenting. They should have worked that shit out beforehand.

I feel bad for my dad. I mean, basically mom is pulling a Johnny: she just decides not to go home and then someone else is left to handle all the logistics. I mean, nevermind that taxes are due and she’ll need to sign paperwork. Nevermind that they’re supposed to be downsizing and figuring out where to live and what to do with all their shit. Whatever, it’s all just details for other people to figure out. Maybe I’m being overly judgey here, but shit, sure feels selfish and inconsiderate to me!

On the flip side, she’s never had a great relationship with Johnny. Maybe she’s wanting to maximize her time with her son. Ok, that’s fine but understand that your son doesn’t care about anyone but himself and his Buddha “master.” Why would I say such a thing? Bc the last time mom stayed behind for a month, Johnny was hardly ever home. He just went to work and then went to his cult activities. If she didn’t want to go, he just left her at home all day. She did the groceries and laundry and cooking and cleaning. Dad says mom wants to stay behind this time, bc she wants to “help Johnny change.” She wants to help him get his shit in order so he can get married and have a family. Jesus Christ. Here’s the thing. There is a difference between hope and delusion. I have said this a billion times. Women are not stupid. No smart, competent woman in her right mind is going to voluntarily take on a “project,” when the work involves taking care of a 40+ y/o man-child. For real. WTF does he have to offer in a relationship? A prestigious education? A well-to-do family (that’s totally dysfunctional)? An obsession with a religious cult? A backwards relationship where he is a child who gives and offers NOTHING to his parents? Puhleeze. I’m all worked up again thinking about all the things that are wrong with this arrangement…

And yet when I spoke with my mother on the phone, I bit my tongue. I tried to have a normal conversation with her. Nevermind that she didn’t listen to anything I said, and she didn’t even hear any of my questions. I wasn’t even trying to broach anything super serious: I just tried to chit chat, and even then, she couldn’t listen and let me say a damn thing edgewise. It’s so goddamn frustrating. But if I have learned anything from John and his family, it is that I need to control my temper. I need to take things less personally. I need to be patient. And so here we are. I was tasked with contacting the airlines last minute to change her travel plans, and I will be called again later on to handle more of the downsizing, moving, and future travel arrangements. So many shitty choices and decisions and I’ll be the one who has to honor them by getting shit done. Thanks, bro. I can always count on you to fuck things up some more.