So we got back from Pasadena on Monday, and then I got John’s cold. Yesterday, I was feeling way better, so I attended the broker meeting and house tours (check out this gorgeous Eichler in Sunnyvale!) followed by a meeting with a title agent and then the Ditch the Bitch Stigma meetup group. Today, I am sick again with a stuffy nose and head congestion. Fucking A. As tough as I always like to think myself to be, I am annoyingly delicate. Fucking bullshit.

The meetup group last night was really excellent. The organizer is a coach and speaker, so we had a really intelligent conversation among eight women about feminism, communication styles, and the whole bitch stigma. Basically, anytime a woman voices her opinion and sets boundaries on anything– be it at work or through personal interactions/relationships– she gets called a bitch. I was really pleasantly surprised by the conversation. Bc the facilitator is super well-read on feminism and on privilege, I felt like I was back in my women’s studies class at Duke. That class was one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life, bc it showed me how conservative and self-righteous and closed-minded and sheltered I really was. Yesterday, we talked about power dynamics, societal and cultural expectations, privilege, stereotypes, and “punching up” vs. “punching down”… it was some meaty shit. All and all, I was super pleased until the very end, where I was standing up, packed up, and ready to leave… somehow the conversation turned to the facilitator’s background and specialty: she is a former stripper and dominatrix and as a coach/speaker now, she specializes in sexuality and power and kink. Yup, leave it to me to find the one meetup group where prudish old Vix has to hear about a former dom’s past clients with fetishes in bondage and humiliation… OMFG.

That’s the tricky thing about feminism, right? There are the multiple waves and the newest wave embraces sexuality, sex work, and I mean all that shit STILL makes me uncomfortable bc I am a prude. I always think back to when I used to work for the feminist organization. The older staff were you know, marching about abortion rights and equal pay and such, but the younger feminists did that PLUS they really embraced sexuality and a woman’s choice to engage in sex work. They would run fundraisers on their college campuses selling Pussy Pops (lollipops shaped like vaginas!). Yup. Too much freedom of expression for me!!!

Then last night, one attendee– on hearing about the facilitator’s past work– really got into the conversation and shared that she had attended a sex workshop in SF where she and her spouse were connected to each other by two straps of webbing, with hooks on each end–  one set of hooks pierced into her upper chest and one set into her spouse’s upper chest. Then, both people faced each other and leaned back, held up by the tension of the webbing!?!?!? They say it was some kind of trust exercise. Uh, what??? Yup, I endured that conversation while making cringe faces and then I darted out of there. I mean, had I been a version of my younger naive self, I would have internally and externally flipped the fuck out. But now that I’m a seasoned, more exposed (and composed) adult, the freak out was limited to internal only. I don’t think I’ll ever get to that level of comfort and exploration re: sex, but I am able to stand there and listen… Yup. Holy fuck. I tell ya. I get a LOT of stories from my Meetup adventures!