I received news yesterday that the “match made in heaven” just was not meant to be. I had cautioned myself against putting all my eggs into one basket, but I didn’t actually listen to my own wisdom. Consequently, yesterday was a bad day, complete with devastation and meltdown.

As you know, I recently joined that professional networking group… In one of several mandatory meetings I attended last week, I was feeling like there were a lot of socially awkward people in the group, myself included of course. I mean, I’ve definitely come a really long way, and there are degrees of awkwardness, but I’ll just say: my encounters are really hit or miss… In some cases, I am so humbled by the courage of my mates.  There are older folks, plus people from other countries who have poor English… Some of the older folks have been in tech or engineering or whatever for decades. They have tons of letters and degrees and certifications behind their names, yet today they are struggling to remain legitimate and relevant in this new world order. Those grappling with language must additionally deal with the discomfort of interacting heavily with strangers and in large numbers… To my amazement, all of them still have the courage to join this networking group– to go in front of 50+ people to introduce themselves and to tell us what they seek.

There’s a lady from China amongst the group. For some reason, she reminds me a bit of my mother– something about her face shape, her plain attire, and her broken English. She comes across soft-spoken, and every time I see her go up to the front of the room and speak, I feel an inside pain, like I’m on the verge of tears. I think of the journey she has made— from China where she was in her own element doing her thing, to here, now unemployed, trying to learn a new language and new skills to survive in this foreign market… Who will invite her to be on their team?

I’m a strong, motivated woman, but I sometimes wonder whether I have that kind of fortitude and visceral depth. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately: I feel so humbled by people like this lady. The Valley is a tough place. It’s an ageist place. I admire her tenacity, but I worry about what will happen to people like her.

The experts say groups like this networking one are helpful, because they provide support for people who are sharing in a common experience. But I find no comfort in knowing that others are working just as hard, trying to keep their heads up. I frequently feel demoralized and disheartened… I only hope that they are more immune than I.

You see, after yesterday’s disappointing news, I started doubting myself all over again. What is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong such that people see my qualifications on paper, are interested enough to speak or meet with me, and then the relationship dead ends shortly thereafter? What is the issue? Is there a flaw in my social intelligence and EQ? Am I coming across inarticulate and unpolished? With each rejection, I reach out afterwards grasping for clues and feedback. And every time, I get the same response: “You had a very strong application…” BUT WHAT THEN?? All yesterday evening I cried about my woes.

But this morning, I awoke ready to hit the pavement again. I have two classes today:  Should I Start a Biz? (I would love to, but what biz??) and Basic Interviewing Practice. I’m still trucking away… it’s been a long week, and I’m going biking in a few to blow off the steam. I suppose now is as good a time as any to bring exercise back into this equation.