My friends sometimes make fun of me, bc every now and then, I kinda get attached to celebrities I follow on tv shows and on social media. Like J always talks about back in the day when I was obsessed with the show Felicity. Many of the characters irked the shit out of me with their crappy decision-making, but in some odd way, they kinda felt like my friends. As soon as that show ended, I can honestly say, I was heartbroken, and I missed the characters.

Now, as a legit adult, I def have more distance and separation with tv people/characters, but despite all the comments from J and my friends reminding me that everything I watch/follow is fake or staged or scripted, I still reserve final judgement for myself. Sure, I get it: there are gurus I follow for style, makeup, fashion, home ideas… Flippant content. I understand that nearly all of their posts are, you know, heavily post-processed and perhaps selected by a team member or whatever, and strongly intended to push product. After all, marketing is marketing. But still, even among those people who recommend products for compensation (and really, what is wrong with that?), I still believe these individuals are real and authentic. In other words, I appreciate their craft and their profession. Maybe it encourages consumerism or whatever, but when I read their blog posts, I often discover that they are real people with similar fears and worries and concerns.

Some examples? I follow Emily Henderson and Gal Meets Glam. I enjoy the beautiful pictures of beautiful places and beautiful things. But as much as people want to dismiss these women for doing work that’s superficial or meaningless or shallow, is there anything wrong with having a passion that is simply creating beautiful things vs. say, helping refugees or empowering the disenfranchised? Sure, there is a palpable difference in terms of gravity of work but at the same time, not everyone is cut out for emotionally taxing work. And ultimately, isn’t the bigger concept really about happy people showing others what is possible for this life, however each one of us chooses to live it? I also argue that even if people value the work of these bloggers differently, that doesn’t mean they are vacuous people. So many bloggers I read share stories about their professional path or their personal journeys. They adopt the abundance mentality and encourage others to take risks to try new things. They are open and supportive. They share their big life decisions, and I am reminded that I am not alone in my struggles to figure things out. 

A few days ago, I read this post by stylist Emily Henderson about her marriage. Initially, I thought it was going to be some sappy, cheesy love story, blah, blah. But as I read on, the post was more about their struggles and growth together… there was something so raw and real about it. It’s so easy to look at her gorgeous social media pictures and to think that everything is seamless or flawless. But she keeps it real about how relationships go up and down, get hot then cold, and for so many of us, depression is a debilitating hindrance. After reading their story, I felt encouraged and supported. Yes, with social media, we often try to showcase our best lives almost exclusively, but is that really any different from when we go on that first date or have that job interview or attend a friend’s bday party? There is a time and a place for the things that weigh us down. The curation doesn’t mean what we project is fake. It means we select when we want to emphasize the good and when we want to confront the bad.

When I was in college, I remember going to the campus coffee house for an open mic night. My brother was a regular performer there and that day, he read something he wrote about our family. It included dialog of me and my parents. We came across whiny and unsupportive. Immediately, I started crying. How could he expose our dirty laundry to strangers? These people don’t even know us! He couldn’t even understand why I was so upset, but I felt embarrassed. How far I have come since then, right? 

With my previous (anonymous) blog, I wrote often about my parents, my brother (oh, the irony!), and my marriage. I remember a childhood friend who followed the blog was so shocked by the exposure: she said it was so personal; she would never feel comfortable revealing so much. And I’m sure if my parents read these things, they would be equally horrified. But ultimately, this is the human experience and frankly, why should we be surprised? Don’t we all know that people have conflicts with their families and friends and coworkers and whatever? Who are we really trying to fool or protect by sharing only the good stuff?

I know Emily Henderson is not my friend. We don’t know each other. We’ve never met. Still, her post resonated with me, bc it reminded me that we all have our issues. We are all trying to figure things out. Like her husband, I’m so proud of J and his professional success. But I feel immensely sad and sorry for myself, bc I have not yet hit my career stride. Like Emily’s spouse, I am still trying and still reaching, hoping that one day things will be different.