Even though BlogHer was a bit of a disappointment, J and I had a great trip down in LA. It had been a few months since we’d last traveled together (London/Paris in April), so it was a good exercise in re-assimilating so to speak. 🙂

In addition, I got a chance to catch up with my BlogHer crew (third reunion!): Jennifer from Diary of a Working Woman and Evelyn from Mommy Mafia. Let me tell you, these ladies know how to work the blogging/branding game. For reals. They are always raking in the affiliates dough and driving around in fancy sponsored SUVs and shit. 🙂 Real life hustlers. We met up on Day 2 for breakky, lunch, and the Conga Room afterparty. These ladies are too much fun.

Holy crap, I dunno what is in the air down in LA, but I got carded. TWICE. I mean, I guess I’m supposed to be all flattered and shit, but are you for real? I just turned 40, y’all. Pipe it down. Maybe some people are just clueless. Honestly, it reminds me of Marty at the dog park. Homeboy is fucking SIXTEEN years old, and I STILL get people asking me if he’s a puppy. Seriously, I was just asked that question last week. I mean, at first, I was like, ok who are these clueless, non-dog people, but the last time, the person was a dog owner!! I know, WTF right??? Oh well, makes for a good story, anyway.

So yeah, like Marty, I was freaking age-checked. I’m thinking it’s that mid-life crisis side shave. Funny thing, I got several compliments on my hair at the conference. For someone who’s pretty much a lifelong socially-awkward person, yes, that shit is music to my ears!!  Maybe my black Camuto heels (from Schoola) also helped to promote the badass facade. Haha.

So despite the shitty conference sessions, BlogHer still got my brain churning. On Day 1, we heard from Sarah Michelle Geller who just started a baking goods startup called Foodstirs. She made some interesting observations about how pitching to VCs is totally different than auditioning for acting roles. There was a huge learning curve for her, but she really embraced the experience with a great attitude, focusing on doing new things and taking risks in new arenas. Turns out, her hubby, actor Freddie Prinze, Jr. went to cooking school and recently published a new cookbook. He was at the conference too. The lines for him were monster and sadly, like the rest of us, the dude is getting old. 🙁

After SMG, Sheryl Crow talked about how cancer changed her life. She admitted to doing the whole fame/vanity thing and being totally blindsided by her illness. She also made some interesting points about 1) using tech to our medical/health advantage. Apparently, there’s a new technology that can detect breast cancer like up to 15 months sooner than with the old tech. 2) She also talked about how women often take on too much in their roles as caretakers. This allows too much stress into our lives, so we really need to set stricter boundaries to gatekeep that toxic crap.

We then heard from Kdash. It’s funny bc I really didn’t know what to expect from Kim. I will say, despite her insane celebrity, she came across quite ordinary. I wasn’t particularly enamored or smitten or inspired by her talk, but I did appreciate her overall ease… I mean, she talked a lot about how much she relies on her friends for advice and expertise. And she was remarkably chill about the haters. She admitted that it used to bother her a ton, but now that she has such great support from Kanye, it bothers her less. And to all the haters who insist that she has zero talent, she smartly countered, “Well, yeah, if you think that all I do is sit and play in front of my computer, then heck, I guess my work is just that easy, right? I get paid for doing nothing… And yet, I’m still driving the same car; I’m still living the same lifestyle.” That’s the thing. It’s so easy to dismiss people who are “successful.” I’ve seen it so many times. Like, I used to totally swoon about Martha Stewart and her “empire.” Then J would say some shit like, “Oh, she has this whole team that does everything. She doesn’t actually do any of the real work.” Uh, excuse me, but do people say the same shit for Emeril or for successful male celebrities? No! Their successes are almost always attributed solely to them, but for some reason, with women, their success is attributed to other people. So fucking annoying. I mean that shit just happened this week even what that Syrian refugee swimmer winning the gold medal and the news announcer going on and on, giving her hubby all the credit. Did the hubby swim the fucking race? No. Give credit where it’s due, people.

Sure, with Martha maybe there is a team working behind the scenes, but then admit that there’s a tribe on both sides, for both famous men AND famous women. At the end of the day, as someone who used to work in social media, I gotta give Kdash props for keeping up with the gabillion social media platforms she’s on… that shit is inundating and exhausting and as far as I can tell, she’s crafting her own posts.

Anyway, I’m not saying I’m a diehard Kdash fan, but like I’ve said before, as with all celebrities, I always see glimpses of me (us) in them. I was definitely disappointed (though not entirely surprised) that she doesn’t identify herself as “feminist.” Still, I admire her hustle and her unapologetic attitude of doing what makes her happy.

On Day 2, I sat in on the lunch keynote with Mayim Bialik. I don’t watch BBT at all, and I’m not really that familiar with Mayim, even from her Blossom days, but she had a really fascinating Q&A. Like Kim, she came across very self-aware, and I loved how she described herself as being super hippy and crunchy and granola and “that’s ok.” I was surprised that in spite of her extreme choices, she is pretty open about letting other people decide for themselves. That’s not often the case for people at the extremes. Like Mayim breastfed until super late, but she admitted, “If that’s not right for you, fine!” Similarly, she is vegan, but if you aren’t, great!

She recently launched an online project called GrokNation. And she shared several funny stories about being a marketing agent’s worst nightmare. Like the branding person kept asking her what was going to be her niche; advising that she focus the site on a few key areas. But Mayim refused to be limited: she wanted to talk about everything and anything, bc those are the thoughts swimming around in her head! I love that attitude! I mean, we are complicated beings; why should be put ourselves into neat little boxes, right?

She also admitted that she’s not super sparkly and appealing in the conventional celebrity sense, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to create her own online space. From her path as an awkward child, who turned into an awkward teen, who turned into an awkward public adult… She knows herself, and she selects projects on her own terms. She doesn’t follow the formula, bc she gives herself permission to deviate and to experiment. Pretty frickin’ inspiring!

I wonder how her insights might apply to my life. For example, I frequently flip flop about focusing my blog on a specific niche in order to better monetize and market it. On the other hand, I also feel compelled to simply write about whatever I want, bc like her, all that shit is swimming around muddled in my head! Unlike Mayim though, I don’t have the same confidence to pick one way and just go forward with it. Instead, I want it all: I want to be a savvy marketer AND I also want to write about whatever. Ugh. And curiously, I’ve been like that with my professional/career path: I choose one way but then all the while, I constantly gauge my success by standards that apply for the other path. Basically, no matter what, I always lose and I always fail.

Mayim also shared some entertaining stories about her mother: Apparently, her mom is her biggest fan. She gushes on and on about how talented and beautiful Mayim is, and whenever her mom catches wind about so-and-so scoring a contract with Louis Vuitton, her mom calls Mayim all incredulous, asking, “Why didn’t LV approach YOU to be the face of the brand? What’s wrong with those people?”

It’s so interesting to hear about that level of parental support. My parents were always like, “So-and-so are doing this and that. Why aren’t you as good them? Why aren’t you doing all these amazing successful things?” But with Mayim’s mom, the position is kinda reversed. Her mom is in complete disbelief that the world doesn’t see the awesomeness and beauty that she sees. That pretty much blows my mind, and it really makes me wonder how parenting shapes a child’s development, growth, and confidence. Wow. What a concept to celebrate differences as better rather than lesser.