I was out of town for a few days last week. My girlfriend G and I met up in Phoenix to hang out and soak in some rays. Truthfully, the weather here has been pretty warm already, but poor G. It’s frickin’ 40 degrees and rainy in Seattle. Yeah, PHX was soooo nice: I mean, who can resist radiant sunshine and 80-degree weather? Ahhh, I am re-experiencing the awesome heat right now as I visualize the vast, desert landscape full of cacti. Goddamn, that was an great trip!

Admittedly, the vibe started off a tad neurotic because two days prior, I received an email from my contact at one of the foundations where I applied for a position. He mentioned bumping into the hiring manager briefly at the office, and then he wrote, “It’s probably best to touch base by phone.” So just to give some context: In the last several months, as I’ve been predominantly unemployed, I’ve struggled a bit with some confidence issues. I’m one of those people. Even though I participate in a lot of activities and interests outside of work, my work is ultimately what defines me. And maybe this is because I don’t have kids? I don’t know. Needless to say, I’ve had many bouts in the last several months where I’ve just been overcome by self doubt. So because his message didn’t specifically say, “The hiring manager thought you were awesome in your phone interview,” my mind immediately went down this path of catastrophic thinking. Yes, that’s what my coach calls it. And seriously, it’s bad. Like I started saying things to myself like, “I’ll never work again; no one will ever hire me; I don’t have anything to offer to world; I’m an unskilled person; I’ll never achieve professional success”, blah, blah, blah. Like I said, dra-ma queen. So after I received the email, I immediately started harassing John and G about all the hidden messages to this email. I was trying my best to apply all the tactics my coach had advised to combat catastrophic thinking (pick up the uke; ask if those statement are really supported by past experiences; breathe deeply; tell yourself a positive story to explain the email…), but shit, none of it was working! I was convinced that he was going to deliver bad news and wanted to let me down easy over the phone. Then, I had the call. And he was the coolest mentor ever! He asked me how my phone interview went. I rattled on about how I hit the big highlights, but shoulda/woulda/coulda mentioned some other things. Then he just gave me some advice on how the hiring process typically works for his department. He didn’t know for the department to which I was applying, but at least he shared from his perspective. Also, prior to this call, I had felt that our relationship was really formal. He had only really seen my work when I presented at board meetings and such. Otherwise, we had very limited interactions, but something about the call just made our relationship gel a bit more. I felt really comfortable and honest, and in the end, I was just so grateful for his insight. He said he really wanted the organization to hire good people. And that one statement just did wonders for me. I know, this whole time, John, my coach, and my friends have been reiterating this, but I always dismissed their words because I felt it was biased. They already loved me. How could they say anything NOT supportive? Somehow hearing it from someone a circle  or two out made it more real. I know, sorry to John and my friends. 🙂 I don’t know how to explain it, but it was just that tiny little boost that I needed to feel better again.

Since then, I still haven’t received news on the job status, but I’ve given myself some distance with it. I still feel like it’s an incredible fit, but I also feel that if somehow the hiring manager doesn’t see it that way, I’ll be ok. There will be other opportunities. Do you see how massive a transformation this is from my previous position? Yes, I have been all over the damn place, right?

As for the trip itself, it was great. G is doing really well. Time spent with her is always entertaining, especially because she’s super inquisitive. It’s just her style… I think it’s part of her analytical/scientific brain. Anyway, it’s always fun fielding her questions, like “What’s your favorite family vacation?” or “What are the most important things you learned from your parents?” or “If you were to meet John today, do you think you would get together?” Haha, yeah, questions that actually require some thought. I did find it rather interesting that my responses re: family tended to be pretty Debbie Downer. I mean, I’ve come such a long, long way but still. In comparison to G and her overflowing optimism, I basically just remember traumatic, bad experiences. The good ones mostly get stashed away, never to re-surface again. Even in the way I handle memories… I rarely like pictures with me in them. Scenery or objects are ok, but pictures with me or of people actually make me sad. Anyway, I learned some more things about myself from her interrogations.

We did a lot in our three days: pool time, shopping, a play, the Music Instruments Museum, and the Desert Botanical Garden. Both of the latter were really top-notch attractions. I would even take Bubbey next time! G says she wants to move to AZ. Uh, given the politics, I don’t think that’s a good idea for her, but yeah, maybe an annual vacation destination is more reasonable. Check out our select pics below– again, just a few with people. That said, I sure had a blast jamming on all those instruments in the museum experience gallery. I want a xylophone!!!
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