There’s a term in Chinese that people use all the damn time. It translates into “supposed to,” and it is often used in response to receiving thanks for something. The other day I was kinda remarking about how Chinese my grandparents’ friend Mrs. Li is. She’s super talkative and loves to give (unsolicited) advice on what you ought to do. Like her whole thing about NOT rushing to Maryland. Thankfully, I took John’s advice instead of hers: by the time she called me Thursday morning, I was already in DC. Anyway, today she and her husband came by the hospital. Her hubby is the chair of a Chinese veterans’s association. Dude seemed like a pretty fun guy. He called my gramps “Big Brother,” and he was wearing a leather bomber jacket that said “Sean John” on the back. That’s right: a 78-year old P Diddy bad ass. He had such an uplifting spirit too. He told my grandpa that all the majhong buddies were waiting for him to get better and return to the tables. It was an unusual show of optimism and enthusiasm for a Chinese dude. Usually, they’re a bunch of buzzkilling Debbie Downer pessimists. 😛

My parents were profusely thankful, bc the Lis basically saved gramp’s life by getting him to the hospital quickly and by signing off on the brain surgery (since they couldn’t get ahold of my parents). The Lis just kept saying, ing gai de, meaning no thanks needed, that’s what we’re supposed to do. I guess in English, this saying is equivalent to, “It was the right thing to do.”

I was thinking later today about how for some people, they have such clarity on how to act and how to behave. I wouldn’t clump this in with manners… it seems so much more important than superficial pleasantries. Rather, it is a willingness and confidence to do what has to be done without hesitation or fear. My parents have never relied on friends in any capacity under circumstances like this. They’ve just always had an expectation that they or family would handle such cases. I think the Lis really demonstrated to them that good friends in many ways are the family we choose for ourselves. I hope that they view friendships differently after this. Not that they need any lessons, but I think they have never really understood how much I rely on my friends for support. Maybe this helps them see things in a different light.